Chapter 4: In Which Ralph Does a Lot of Explaining

It was a quiet, peaceful night in Fix-It Felix, Jr. As the Niceland Express pulled up to the platform, Ralph was still on cloud nine. It hardly even bothered him that the rickety little train car was too tight for him, as it always was. He was still thinking about Sorceress and how happy she was about the crummy little bouquet of 8bit daisies he gave her, and their impromptu karaoke duet at Tapper's, and the way she looked at him just before she kissed him goodnight. Sweet Mother Hubbard, he got tingly just thinking about it. Nothing could ruin his mood after that.

He pushed himself free of the tiny train car and made his way from the platform to East Niceland where his shack stood just outside the dump. As he walked he looked around at the lamps lining the street and the lights in the trees and the stars in the sky. Strange, they all looked so much brighter and prettier than usual. Sorceress might like them. Maybe he should invite her over to visit some time. It was always night here in Niceland, so she wouldn't have to worry about any sunlight messing with her magic. He could show her more of those daisies she seemed to like so much, and she'd smile that dazzling smile of hers again. Yeah, that was what they could do the next time they got together. He could show her around his game, and maybe later they could go to hers. He'd never been to Blood and Thunder before. The name sounded scary, but it couldn't be all bad if somebody as nice as Sorceress lived there.

As he neared his shack, Ralph started whistling the tune of 'Don't You Want Me'. It wasn't exactly the best theme song for his budding relationship with Sorceress, since it was technically about a couple breaking up. Still, the memory of singing that song with her tonight was a good one. He would do it all over again if he could.

Finally Ralph reached the doorstep of his shack. The instant he opened the door, a small black and green blur slammed hard into his stomach headfirst. Stunned, winded, and thrown off-balance, he staggered backward and landed flat on his back with a heavy, resounding thump. The next thing he saw was a familiar little girl with hazel eyes and various bits of candy stuck in her black hair kneeling on his huge, heaving stomach with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Surprise!" Vanellope cheered, flinging her arms up and tossing confetti in the air. Then she began bouncing up and down excitedly on Ralph's stomach. "Welcome home, hot stuff! How did your big date with the Queen of Darkness go? Did you use up all the peppermints I gave you? Did they fix your nasty dragon breath? Did she let you hold her hand? Huh? Huh? Tell me, tell me, tell meee!"

Behind her, Felix and Calhoun appeared in the shack's doorway. "Maybe you better let him breathe before you start grilling him, shortcake," Calhoun remarked dryly, leaning against the door frame and watching the scene with amusement.

Standing next to his tall wife, Felix looked worriedly at the huge wheezing wrecker lying sprawled out on the grass. "Ralph? You okay there, brother?"

Ralph replied with some bewildered coughing and gasping, his face somewhat bluer than before. Vanellope had really hit him hard.

Still crouching on his stomach, Vanellope spotted something unusual on the right side of Ralph's face. Brows drawing together in curiosity, she crawled up to his chest and gripped the collar of his flannel shirt in both tiny hands, trying to pull his head closer so she could get a better look. Then her eyes widened in astonishment and she gasped loudly. "Sweet mother of monkey milk!" She turned around to yell at Felix and Calhoun. "Hey, guys! Come look at this!"

Curious, the couple stepped out of the doorway and ventured closer. Vanellope was pointing excitedly at the right side of Ralph's face, still clutching the collar of his shirt in one hand. Felix's eyes widened and his hands flew up to cover his mouth. Calhoun's eyebrows shot up and her jaw dropped. Vanellope burst into a fit of giggles.

Ralph was trying to catch his breath during all this. When he finally did, he groaned in frustration. So much for his good mood. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, causing the little girl to tumble from her spot on his chest all the way down to his lap. Rolling on his legs, she giggled and kicked her little feet in the air giddily, while Felix and Calhoun's expressions of surprise were changing into something else. Ralph had no idea why they were all grinning and snickering at him, but at the moment he had a more important question in mind.

"What…" he wheezed, still trying to catch his breath. "What're you guys doing in my house?"

Vanellope, now sitting comfortably in his lap, rolled her eyes at him. "Throwing you a surprise party, doi!"

Ralph arched an eyebrow as he looked down at her. That would explain all the confetti dotting the front of his clothes. "A party for what?"

"Your big date, of course!" Vanellope went on. "See, after you ran off to meet up with the Blue Bombshell, I came out here to talk to these two." She pointed at Felix and Calhoun with her thumb. "Funny thing. When I told them that you were going out with a lady friend, both of them were pretty surprised. Then we all decided we should surprise you and throw a party when you came home!"

Ralph couldn't help feeling somewhat guilty about this. He hadn't told Felix anything about his plans that night, and he hadn't even considered telling Calhoun. Instead they both had to hear the news from Vanellope, who he'd only told his plans to because she pried them out of him. And yet they had all decided to throw a party for him anyway. "Why?" he asked, gazing at the couple in confusion.

Felix looked like he was about to burst with delight. "Because we're all so happy for you!" he replied. From the way the handyman was beaming and his blue eyes were sparkling, it seemed he wasn't bothered about Ralph not telling him about his plans. "Going out on your first date is something worth celebrating!"

"Unless it was a bad date," Calhoun said bluntly, standing with her hands on her hips. The sergeant seemed pretty calm for not hearing about Ralph's plans from him, either. Ever since she started dating Felix, she had mellowed out considerably and often came over to his game after work, and now that they were married she was here every day. Ralph couldn't avoid bumping into her now and then since he lived here, and over time they became quite friendly with each other. "Then again," she went on, giving the wrecker a sly smirk. "By the look of things, you must have done something right."

Ralph stared blankly at the armored woman. "What are you talking about?"

Suddenly Vanellope jumped up and pinched his right cheek between two little fingers. "This!"

He yelped in pain. She wasn't nearly as strong as him, but his face was sensitive and she could pinch pretty hard. "Ow, ow, ow!"

"Quit playing innocent, you rascal!" she teased, pinching him harder. "I never knew you were such a ladies' man!"

"I still don't know what you're talking about!" He gripped her tiny squirming body in both hands and tried to pull her loose even as he tried to argue with her. "Rrrgh! Let go of me, ya little barnacle!"

She didn't let go. Instead, she grabbed his cheek with both hands and pulled even harder, stretching his cheek as far as she could. "Hah! What's the matter, diaper baby?" she cackled. "Can't take a little roughhousing?!"

"Quit it, quit it, quit it!" he yelled, still trying to pull her off without hurting her. "I'm serious! You're gonna rip my face off!"

Felix and Calhoun watched the two of them in silence for a while. They exchanged a long-suffering look with each other. If no one intervened with Ralph and Vanellope's childish squabbling, they'd be at it all night.

"You wanna stop 'em, or should I?" Calhoun asked her husband.

"I'll do it this time, Tammy," Felix said, raising himself up to his full, diminutive height. "Ahem!" he began, raising his voice to be heard above their noise and trying to look and sound as commanding as possible. "Alright, you two, that's enough! Vanellope, let Ralph be. He can tell us about his date with Miss Sorceress after he's come inside and had some cake."

At the mention of cake, both Ralph and Vanellope froze in mid-fight. They both looked very silly, the huge wrecker lying on the grass clutching the tiny girl who was still stubbornly clinging to the right side of his face. "Did he just say cake?" Ralph asked her.

"Yep," Vanellope replied with a proud smile. She released his cheek from her grip at last, allowing it to snap back into place like rubber. "I spent all night slaving away over a hot stove for you," she went on, wagging a playfully scolding finger at him. "So you'd better eat it, buster."

Ralph smiled back at her, relieved that she'd finally stopped grabbing at his face and touched by her gesture of friendship. "Well, if you went to all that trouble, how can I say no?" He rose to his feet and placed her on his left shoulder, just in case she decided to make another grab at whatever was on the right side of his face. "You guys go in first," he said to Felix and Calhoun. "It's gonna be a tight squeeze in there."

Calhoun shrugged her armored shoulders, totally unfazed by the weird way the two expressed friendly affection. "I guess this means we're not gonna need the Failure Cake after all."

"Failure Cake?" Ralph echoed.

Felix nodded to him. "Yeah, it's… Well, why don't you come in and see for yourself?" He gestured for Ralph to follow him and Calhoun inside the shack.

Ralph complied, bending down to fit himself and Vanellope through the low, narrow doorway. Like everything else in Niceland, Ralph's house and all its furnishings weren't quite big enough to accommodate a guy his size. Felix had offered multiple times to build him something bigger, but Ralph always turned him down. Even if it was small and shabby, he was proud of the home he'd built for himself without any help. It wasn't as big or fancy as anything his Good Guy could build with his magic hammer, but it was his work and no one else's.

To Ralph's surprise, his cramped, shabby living room was festooned with colorful streamers and balloons in every corner. Hanging up on the wall above the sofa was a big hand-painted poster covered in sparkly glitter and hearts reading 'Happy 1st Date, Ralph!' in big bold letters. And there were two matching cakes on the coffee table. Not one. Two.

He stood in speechless amazement for a moment. He turned to look at Felix and Calhoun, then at Vanellope who was still riding on his shoulder. "You guys really did all this for me?"

Vanellope shrugged, hands stuffed inside the front pocket of her sweatshirt. "Eh, it's kind of a rush job. We would've done more if we had the time, but since we didn't know how soon you'd be back, we just kinda threw stuff together." This was pretty typical behavior for Vanellope when she made an especially grand gesture. She liked doing nice things for her friends, especially for Ralph, but she was too proud to admit to enjoying such mushy stuff.

Ralph turned his head and smiled at her. After seeing everything she'd done for him, he could forgive her for knocking the wind out of him and almost pulling his face off. "Thanks, kid. You didn't have to go to all this trouble."

"Yeah, I know," she replied dryly, chewing one of her hood's licorice drawstrings and trying to avoid things getting too sappy.

Still smiling at her, Ralph bent forward to look at the two cakes. They were layer cakes, completely identical round shapes covered entirely with white icing and decorated with maraschino cherries lining the edges. The only notable difference between the two was the loopy cursive words on the top written in red icing. One cake had the message 'Congrats on a great date!' The other said 'Better luck next time!'

Ralph arched an eyebrow at Vanellope. "I'm guessing this one's the Failure Cake," he said, pointing to the second cake.

Vanellope nodded and tapped the toes of her black licorice boots together. "Brilliant deduction, Sherlock," she said, smiling impishly.

"Now, Ralph, it's not that we were expecting your date to fail," Felix cut in hastily, coming to stand by the coffee table. "It's just that, uh, we wanted to be prepared in case things didn't work out with Miss Sorceress."

Calhoun nodded in agreement, pushing some balloons aside as she seated herself in the armchair by the sofa. "And since you're bigger than all of us put together, you'd probably rather eat two cakes, anyway."

Ralph rolled his eyes. "How considerate of you." He moved around the coffee table to seat himself on the sofa with Vanellope. It had caved in long ago from his immense weight and the springs creaked and groaned in protest, but it miraculously held together.

Felix, meanwhile, started neatly cutting the Success Cake and placing the slices on paper plates. "So, Ralph," he began cheerfully. "While we're serving this up, maybe you could tell us what you did to earn a kiss from your fair lady?"

Ralph jolted in surprise, flushing pink with embarrassment. How did they know? He hadn't said anything about that! "K-Kiss? W-What…Who said anything about a kiss?"

Calhoun gave him a disbelieving look and pointed a black-gloved finger at his face. "You didn't have to. The bright red lip-shaped mark on your cheek gave it away."

Confused, Ralph felt his cheek with one finger, the same cheek Vanellope had been pinching and pulling at earlier. Eyes widening, he pulled it away and stared at it as if he'd never seen it before. Sure enough, there was bright red lipstick there. Well, that certainly explained why everyone was teasing him and acting weird. It was amazing that he hadn't figured it out himself, really. Sorceress had kissed him there and she wore red lipstick, so of course she'd leave a mark.

And just like that, the memory of the experience caused his face to heat up for the umpteenth time that night. "Oh," was all he could manage to say.

Vanellope snickered and nudged the side of his head with her elbow. "A kiss on the first date, huh?" she teased, wiggling her eyebrows. "You two must be hitting it off pretty well!"

He frowned at her, snatched a paper napkin from the coffee table and rubbed the rest of the lipstick off his cheek. "Yes we are, if you must know," he grumbled. "Not that it's any of your business, sassy pants."

"Now, now, Vanellope, don't tease him too much," Felix chided gently. Smiling, he offered Ralph a large, thick slice of cake and a plastic fork on a paper plate. "Here you go, brother. Dig in."

Ralph accepted the plate gratefully. "Thank you, Felix." He cast a dirty look at Vanellope. "I'm glad someone here isn't being totally obnoxious about all this."

Vanellope hopped down from his shoulder and landed lightly on the cushion beside him. She put her little hands on her hips and frowned sternly up at him. "Maybe we wouldn't be acting obnoxious if you'd just fess up and tell us the truth. Come on, Ralph. You weren't even gonna tell me you had a date. I practically had to drag it out of you."

Ralph looked from Vanellope to Felix and Calhoun. They were all watching him and waiting expectantly for him to explain things. There was no other way out of this. He had to tell them something, or they'd keep pestering him about it until he cracked. The kid had a point, too. They were all his friends, and he hadn't been totally honest with them. It wasn't that he didn't trust them, far from it. He just wasn't used to having people he could openly talk to about his life. Now here were three people who were perfectly willing to listen to him, and had even gone out of their way to throw him a party and bake him two cakes. The least he could do in return was to tell them what they all wanted to know.

With a frustrated groan, he held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Okay, okay, I get it. If you guys really wanna hear how my date went that much, here it is."

Everyone leaned in closer with barely concealed eagerness on their faces. Even Calhoun showed subtle signs of anticipation in her normally harsh expression. Ralph tapped his tiny plastic fork against his paper plate, staring at his huge piece of pink and white cherry cake as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"Guess I should start at the beginning," he said at last. He straightened up and cleared his throat to gather his thoughts. "After I left Sugar Rush, I went to meet Sorceress in the station. Vanellope gave me a bunch of peppermints for the road…"

"And your breath," the girl chimed in.

Ralph went on without missing a beat. "And of course the Surge Protector had to stop me as soon as I got there."

"Uh oh," Felix said worriedly, serving up slices of cake for Vanellope and Calhoun. "I hope you didn't get into any trouble with him this time."

Ralph frowned, remembering how the Surge Protector accused him of stealing food and indirectly insulted him in front of Sorceress. He raised two fingers and held them about an inch apart. "I was this close to strangling that scrawny little jerk when Sorceress showed up." He couldn't help smirking. "I gotta say, it was kinda fun watching her charm the poor sap into letting me off the hook. You guys know what a sucker that guy is for beautiful women."

Vanellope giggled mischievously, unable to laugh with her mouth full of cake. Felix blushed and nodded in agreement. Calhoun rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

"Anyhoo," Ralph went on. "Once he was gone, we started heading to Tapper's for our date. Before we got there, though, I gave her some flowers."

Felix was serving a slice of cake for himself when he heard this. His head perked up in surprise. "Flowers? You really gave her flowers?"

Ralph poked at his big piece of cake with his tiny fork. "Well, yeah," he said, trying to play it cool. "Nothin' fancy, just a couple of daisies from the park out here. They got kinda beat up, but she still liked 'em anyway."

Felix was grinning from ear to ear. "Oh, my land! I never would have suspected something so gallant of you, Ralph!"

Predictably, Vanellope snickered at this. "And you said you weren't a ladies' man," she teased, nudging his giant arm with her tiny elbow.

"I am not a ladies' man," Ralph said firmly. He felt his face heating up and decided to move on to the next part of the story. "Well, we went to Tapper's after that. It was Karaoke Night, and all these weirdos were taking turns singing. And I'm not gonna name any names, but there's a few guys in this arcade who you definitely don't wanna hear singing."

He paused to take a bite of his cake. Much to his relief, there was no trace of chocolate in there, just bits of cherries and lots of icing. Vanellope knew better than to play a mean prank like that on him.

"So after a while," he continued. "Sorceress started bragging about being a karaoke legend and we made a deal. If she sang, I'd sing. So she went up there and… Well, let's just say she's a legend for good reason." He allowed himself a quick, somewhat dreamy smile as he thought of Sorceress' spellbinding performance. "And then it was my turn."

Everyone gaped at him incredulously.

"Wait, what?" Vanellope piped up. "You actually sang? In front of a crowd? I thought you didn't like singing!"

"Believe me, I tried to back out of it," Ralph replied. "But she wasn't having it. And I'm not gonna lie, I was really nervous when I got up there. I think she could tell, too, because she joined in and we turned it into a double act."

Felix beamed and squealed like a teenage girl. "Awww, that's so romantic!"

Calhoun was chewing a big bite of cake and looking very bored. "Uh huh. Wake me when he gets to the good part."

"Yeah, the kissing part!" Vanellope insisted, bouncing up and down on the sofa. "Tell us about the kissing part!"

Ralph rolled his eyes. He was beginning to wonder if pushiness was a universal trait among women across ages and species. "Keep your sugarcoated knickers on. I'm getting to that."

He cleared his throat, feeling his face getting hot again. This part of the story wasn't going to be easy to tell. It didn't help that everyone was putting him on the spot like this, either. Better make it quick and get it over with. "Honestly, I'm not even sure how it happened. I was just walking her back to her game. We were standing there at the outlet saying goodnight, when all of a sudden she leaned in and… and…" He trailed off, too flustered by the memory to say the rest.

"And she planted one on ya!" Vanellope finished, grinning from ear to ear.

Ralph was still too flustered to speak. Embarrassed, he buried his blushing face in one giant hand. Vanellope found this absolutely hilarious and doubled over in a fit of rowdy childish laughter.

Felix made an even more delighted, high-pitched squealing noise. "Oooh, this is all just so romantic I can't stand it!" He covered his own rosy cheeks with his hands and kicked his feet happily up and down.

Calhoun's reaction was far more subdued. While the others were laughing and giggling, she had that sly smile on her face again. "I gotta say, Wreck-It, I'm impressed. Most men aren't lucky enough to get a kiss on their first date." She winked at him. "This dame must really have the hots for you."

Ralph's eyes widened and his head snapped up in surprise, as if the thought had never occurred to him. "I… She… I…" he stammered, face as red as the cherries on his half-eaten piece of cake. "Sh-She was just saying goodnight! It doesn't mean anything! We're just friends!"

Calhoun arched a dubious eyebrow at him. "You're kidding, right? You really think she kissed you goodnight because she thinks you're just friends?" She made finger quotes around the last two words.

More confused and frustrated than ever, Ralph threw his hands up helplessly at the ceiling. "Argh! I don't know what she thinks! I don't even know what I think!"

He flopped hard against the back of the sofa, sending Vanellope bouncing up a few inches off her cushion and rattling the walls of the little shack. Everyone froze, startled by his outburst and worried that the ramshackle house just might tumble down on top of them. Fortunately it was sturdier than it looked.

After taking some deep breaths, Ralph managed to calm himself down. He wasn't really angry with his friends, just annoyed with the way they were teasing him about all this. They all knew him well enough by now to sense they were pushing him too much and quieted down, even Vanellope. The child knew better than anyone how sensitive Ralph was, though neither of them would readily admit it, and she knew when it was time to hold off on the sassy comments. She laid a tiny hand on his huge arm and smiled up at him.

"It's okay, Ralph," she said gently. "You don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to."

With a tired sigh, Ralph hunched over the piece of cake in his lap and poked at it absently with his fork. He hadn't meant to yell like that. The kid could be a bit of a pest sometimes, but she could also be incredibly sweet. No matter what, she was still his best friend in the world and he could never stay mad at her for long.

"Nah, it's fine," he said, tapping his fork against the paper plate. "It's just… This is all really new and weird for me, y'know? I still can't wrap my brain around why somebody like Sorceress could even be interested in a chump like me."

"Whoa, hold it right there," Vanellope said, standing up on her sofa cushion and propping her fists on her hips. "First of all, you're not allowed to call yourself a chump, okay? That's my job. And second, why wouldn't somebody like Sorceress be interested you? You're the most awesome-est guy in this entire arcade!"

"I'm serious, kid." Ralph gestured at himself with one hand. "Take a good look at me. Do you really think a big, smelly guy like me has a chance with a cool, classy lady like Sorceress?"

Frowning hard, Vanellope hopped from the sofa to stand on the coffee table, raised herself to her full three feet in height and propped her fists on her hips. "Let's review, shall we?" She proceeded to list key points from Ralph's account of his date, counting them on her fingers one by one. "She said yes when you asked her out. She convinced the Surge Protector to leave you alone. She liked the flowers you picked for her. She sang a duet with you in a crowded bar. And, last but not least, she kissed you." She stopped counting and clenched her fists at her sides. "Kissed you! For the love of gobstoppers, man! Doesn't that mean something to you?!"

He watched her with growing confusion. "Of course it means something! But…"

She raised a hand to cut him off. "Butts are for chairs, pal! Quit worrying about why Sorceress likes you!" Here she stamped one tiny foot indignantly on the table. "It doesn't matter why! She just does! So quit worrying and be happy about it!"

Ralph blinked at her a few times in speechless bewilderment. Vanellope was being absolutely serious. She never joked about this kind of thing. Despite all her playful teasing and creatively insulting nicknames for her best friend, she still considered Ralph her hero and refused to let anyone talk badly about him, especially Ralph himself. In her mind he really was the most awesome-est guy in the entire arcade, and anyone who couldn't see that was either blind or stupid. It wasn't like Ralph didn't appreciate how much Vanellope believed in him, but he had thirty years worth of poor self-esteem he was still working through.

Just then, Calhoun raised her hand to get Vanellope's attention. "Permission to speak freely, President Shortcake?"

Vanellope nodded firmly. "Permission granted, sarge."

Calhoun set her empty plate aside and sat up straighter in the armchair. When she spoke, her tone was somewhat less gruff than usual. "The kid's got a point, Wreck-It. I don't know much about this dame who's got you so worked up, but if she did all the things you say she did, I'd say you hit the jackpot with her."

Felix nodded in agreement with his wife. "Try not to be so hard on yourself, brother," he said to Ralph. "You're a first-rate Bad Guy and an even better friend. Why, any woman would be lucky to have a man like you, and I can tell you've got something special with Miss Sorceress." He smiled and leaned forward slightly. "She gives you the honey glows, doesn't she?"

Ralph rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He still couldn't quite believe how a woman like Sorceress could like him enough to go out on a date with him and then kiss him goodnight. He couldn't even believe how these three people could care about him this much. He couldn't really argue with any of their statements, though, especially not the last thing Felix said. "Well… Yeah, I guess she does…"

Vanellope picked up Ralph's plate of half-eaten cake and thrust it at him. "Now that that's all settled, quit your bellyaching and finish your Success Cake. You earned it, and you are gonna like it!

With a small smile, Ralph took the plate from her. "Yes, ma'am." He glanced at the untouched second cake on the coffee table, noting that it was nearly as tall as Vanellope. "Do I have to eat the Failure Cake, too?"

Vanellope shrugged and helped herself to another slice of Success Cake. "You can if you want. If not, we can just give it to Pac-Man. He's not picky about what goes in his mouth."

The four of them ate their cake in companionable silence for a while. Soon the Success Cake was gone, and since they were still hungry they all agreed to eat the Failure Cake, too. Once again, Felix volunteered to cut it into neat slices and pass them around to the others.

"So, Ralph," he began, handing the wrecker another giant chunk of cake. "If you don't mind me asking, do you have any plans to see Miss Sorceress again?"

Ralph took the plate from him and popped one of the cherries in his mouth. He chewed it pensively for a moment. "Not yet, but I was thinking of maybe inviting her over to visit our game some time. But now I'm thinking maybe I should go to her game instead. I've never been to Blood and Thunder before, and now I'm really curious to see what kind of place it is. Have either of you seen it?" he asked, addressing Felix and Calhoun.

Calhoun shook her head. "I've only seen it in passing. I get enough blood and thunder every day in my game, so I figured it was just more of the same.

"I can see why you'd think that," Felix said, wiping some icing from his lips with a paper napkin. "But Blood and Thunder isn't much like Hero's Duty at all."

Calhoun arched a quizzical eyebrow at her husband. "You've been there before, I take it?"

Felix nodded. "I've been there once or twice for the annual Halloween party. And let me tell you, a fantasy-horror game is the perfect place for a Halloween party! You'd think it would be dangerous, what with all the ghosts, ghouls and goblins roaming around, but they're pretty nice folks when they're not on the job."

Vanellope's head perked up when she heard him describing the inhabitants of the game. "Ghosts?" she echoed, mouth full of cake and voice rising in pitch with each word. "Ghouls? And goblins?"

Felix nodded again. "Yes, and giant spiders. Miss Sorceress keeps them as pets, I think."

Ralph arched an eyebrow in surprise. He remembered hearing Sorceress talk about having pet spiders on their date, but the part about them being giants was news to him. "How giant are we talking here?" he asked warily.

Felix tapped his fork against his plate as he thought. "Hmm… I'd say most of them are about half as big as Vanellope." He raised his hands to show an approximation of the spiders' size. "But there's at least one about your size, Ralph. Miss Sorceress was especially fond of that one, if I remember right."

Ralph's eyebrows climbed higher up his forehead as he pictured Sorceress stroking and cuddling a 9-foot-tall spider. That was an unsettling image, to say the least. "And, uh, you're sure these things are tame?"

"Oh, very!" Felix said with a smile. "All of the spiders are really friendly and so well-trained. They wouldn't hurt a fly! Er, metaphorically speaking, that is."

Calhoun seemed to find this impressive. "Huh. And here I thought the Vampire Vixen was just a prissy snob with a wacky laugh."

Meanwhile, both Ralph's and Vanellope's eyes were roughly as big as dinner plates. But while Ralph's mouth was hanging open in shock, Vanellope was grinning hugely. Then she raised her plastic fork in the air like a scepter and spoke in her most commanding, presidential voice. "That settles it! We're going to Blood and Thunder tomorrow!"

Ralph arched an eyebrow at her, unimpressed with her dramatics. "What do you mean, we're going?"

She gazed up at him, hazel eyes big and shiny with excitement. "I mean we both go! You and me, together!" She clasped her little hands in an imploring pose. "Please, Ralph? You'll take me with you, right? I promise I'll stay out of trouble! Pretty please with whipped cream and a cherry on top!"

Ralph cringed and squirmed in his seat, trying to decide what to do. Bringing Vanellope along with him to see Sorceress had the potential to be horribly embarrassing. He still remembered the way she'd called him silly names in front of her at the wedding reception. Now that he was dating Sorceress, the teasing was sure to get worse. Plus, the idea of Vanellope in the same game as a spider as huge as himself made him uncomfortable, even if it was as tame as Felix said. However, he just couldn't bring himself to turn her down. Whatever happened with his love life, there was no way he could ditch the little girl who cared about him first, especially when she was making big, shiny puppy dog eyes at him. She was even whimpering for added effect.

With a groan and a roll of his eyes, Ralph finally caved in. "You'd better not make me look stupid this time," he said, pointing one huge finger at her face. "Are we clear, Munchkin?"

As soon as he said this, Vanellope dropped the begging act and was back to her usual sassy self. "Crystal clear, Sasquatch," she replied, poking her tongue at him playfully. "It's not like you need any help from me when it comes to looking stupid in front of your new girlfriend."

Ralph halted in the process of shoveling a new piece of cake onto his plate. "Whoa, slow down there, speed demon! We've only been on one date. That's not enough to start calling Sorceress my girlfriend."

She swung her feet back and forth, gazing thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "How many dates does it take to earn girlfriend status?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. But when I figure it out, you'll be the first to know."

Author's Note: Okay, I spoke too soon in my last note. This scene with the Core Four ended up going longer than I expected, and I ran out of room to include any scenes in Sorceress' game. It just felt more important to show how Ralph's closest friends would respond to his budding romance and what they would think about it. But worry not, my fine readers! The next chapter will have Ralph venture into the mysterious world of Blood and Thunder, with Vanellope tagging along for the ride. Stay tuned!