As promised, chapter 10. Again, sorry for the crappy content and the grammatical errors. Stay tuned for the next update, and hope you enjoy this chap!
Barry Allen's POV
My eyes glazed over as I met the gazes of the people standing by my bedside. They strapped me to the bed, rendering me hopeless to whatever they're going to do. And what is team Arrow doing here? Waiting to shoot arrows in me to get revenge for Diggle?
Caitlin must be a mind reader because just then, she held my hand and soothed me. "Barry, we are not going to hurt you. You have a serious problem, and we want to help you."
I scoffed, pretty loudly I might add. Help me? When did I ever say that I needed your help? And isn't this getting old? I have seen enough movies or read enough novels to know that every single time, that is what they say. "We wanna help you" "We wanna help you" I would have told them to shove it, if it weren't them being so nice and kind to me despite all that I have done to them.
"Save it. You have me strapped here like some kind of lab rat. What is it next huh? Testing the regeneration speed of my cells? Or is it my scar tissues? Tell me, because I have to prepare myself." I quipped. Why do you people insist on helping a person who doesn't want to be helped?
"Barry, please. We all love and care about you very much. No matter what you have done in the past, it's all over and you can't change it okay? Beating yourself up because of it won't change anything." Felicity pleaded, tears in her eyes.
"Barry, you have to learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. I'm not telling you to belittle it, but that's how we learn, even superheroes right? We overcome obstacles, and become stronger. From an experience, we grow wiser. Holding it against yourself won't do you any good." This time it was Oliver.
"Very inspiring, Oliver, nothing I haven't heard before, honestly. You guys just have to let me do my thing, and leave me the hell alone, pretend you didn't know about any of this. Nothing happened, and we can resume our normal lives, okay? Sounds good?" I asked, annoyed.
"Barry! You know very well these people care about you very much. Doing this, it's just plain selfish! Like Oliver says, you just have to learn to forgive yourself, get over it, because even heroes make mistakes." Joe, a person I have always treated like a father figure. Guess you don't know me that well after all.
"Really? So now I'm just supposed to "get over it"? Why don't you tell that to Cisco, or Diggle? I am pretty sure that they are resisting the urge to punch me in the face every single time they see me, isn't that true? Isn't that why I am strapped to this bed, to be their personal punching bag?" I cannot let them continue speaking this crap, because whatever it is, it's working. I can feel my resolve cracking. This has to end, and quick.
"Barry, we have forgiven you a long time ago," Cisco started, unstrapping me from the bed. "Or at least I have. There are tons of people I could blame for my brother's death. The driver that ran him over, even himself for not watching where he was going. You, are not the reason why he's dead, Barry-"
I started laughing hysterically. "You're funny Cisco. I know you are feeding lies straight to my face. How, pray tell, do you do that, and still be a little tad convincing? Because I'll have to learn that in order to keep you people out of my personal life. " I chuckled as I patted the non-existent dust off my shirt and sat up. Secretly, I loved this comfort. Oh how I have missed this. Someone, anyone, to hold me tight as I cried freely, telling me it'll be alright, that everything will be okay, and none of this is my fault. Fortunately for me, I have given up that right the moment I put on that suit, because I have to be invincible, to fight all the bad criminals. Everybody expects me to be strong and tough, and I couldn't just go sobbing to Iris or my team every time I made a mistake, expecting someone to hug me close. That only exists in a fantasy, and we have to be realistic here.
"But Barry, can't you see? Nobody here is blaming you. Your powers, not only did they save people, but they have also given our citizens hope, and someone to count on, to rely on. And sometimes, it is a heavy burden. You also deserve happiness. You have helped so many people, allowed them to get back safely to their families, and you want that too, don't you? Which is why you created Flashpoint, isn't it? Because you missed your mom. Barry, you are a superhero, but you also forget, that superheroes are humans too, that you have emotions too: happiness, jealously, emptiness... My point is, you have to stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault-"
With tears streaming down my face, I lifted my face and yelled,"But how Iris?! It is easy for you to say, but it IS my fault! It IS my burden to bear! Every single one person I couldn't save, that was my fault as well, because they relied on me, and they TRUSTED me, and I betrayed that trust! That is exactly what happened regarding Flashpoint too! It was MY fault, because you all TRUSTED me, and I BETRAYED that trust, and I hurt EVERYONE close to me! Every single crime that happened after Flashpoint, that might not have happened, if I hadn't went on and created Flashpoint for my own selfish desires-"
"You don't know that Barry! You have to stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault, because not long later, you will collapse from the weight on your shoulders." Iris tried, slowly walking towards me. Like I was some sort of dangerous animal that might strike at anyone coming close. "You can't keep second guessing yourself. You can't keep thinking what if this, what is that, because you can't changed things that has become history."
By the time she finished that sentence, she was already in front of me. She crouched down, looked me in the eye, then said, "What you can do, is learn from past mistakes, as Oliver said, and keep going. Even hero's have their demons, Barry. But doing this to yourself, that is not going to fix the problem."
As she put her hand on my shoulder, heat radiated throughout my whole body. The walls I put up came crashing down, and my facade cracked and broke into a million pieces, unable to be repaired.
"I'm sorry," I whispered brokenly. "I'm so so sorry." I mumbled as I collapsed into a sobbing mess on the floor. Then Iris held me in her arms and hugged me, telling me everything was gonna be alright.
"I'm sorry that I killed your brother and ruined your life, Cisco. And I'm sorry that I changed your family Dig, I'm really really sorry." I started crying even louder. Then everybody pitched in for a huge group hug.
"It's okay, it's okay Barry, we forgive you." And tons of other comforting words were whispered in my ear.
But they don't know that I am so far gone, so broken. I am like glass, shattered into a million pieces.
Does anyone really care enough to waste time and energy to piece me back together? Will anyone?
I honestly doubt that. After all, easier said than done.
Okay, I'm sorry I know it's crap but I am just not that good at writing angsty stuff, and I'm new to all this. First try after al, was hoping you'd understand. I also might have changed this to a 20 or so chapter fic, I don't know. But please review, and I hope you enjoyed!