Crappy grammar and content I know. My head's not in the game and I apologise for that. I have been watching supergirl for the past 3 hours so my head is kinda stuck. For that I apologise in advance, and I hope you enjoy this chap!

Barry Allen's POV

Once again, we went back and sunk into the sofas. I held my hand out as Caitlin disinfected the wounds. Iris was crying softly, and Cisco's expression was undecipherable, like he was confused, hurt and shocked at the same time. I lowered my head in shame and disgust.

"It's done." Caitlin muttered softly next to me.

"I want some alone time." I looked up, staring deeply into each and everyone of them.

I know I have disappointed them. I know that I have hurt them because they were there and I could've just talked to them I could have, but I ignored them. They feel like I don't trust them, but I do. I really do. I trust them more than anyone on this planet.

Iris started to protest, but I cut her off.

"Please. Just please." I whimpered brokenly.

I know they don't trust me with myself now, but I just have to have some alone time, to think things through. It's as if there's this huge grey cloud hovering over me, getting heavier and heavier each second, and any moment now, the storm will begin. I need to think it through before it wreaks any further havoc in my head.

Quietly, they took their belongings and left as the door clicked shut.

I don't know how much time had passed before I finally snapped out of my haze. I walked out of the door, wandering the streets, finding myself in a bar. How long has it been since I have been to a bar? Better yet, how long has it been since I have really been able to feel?

I guess all that really doesn't matter much.

Going in, I watched as people danced to the music in the bar. Some people made out on the couches while others downed liquor glass by glass, trying to drown their sorrows, I presume. I chuckled hollowly. Liquor doesn't even have it's effect on me anymore.

The colour changing lights swirled patterns on the ceilings, which made me incredibly dizzy. I stumbled and sat down on one of the tall chairs by the counter.

Look at me, how pathetic I've become. From crime fighting, to a self-pitying spoiled little brat that gets light headed by staring at the ceiling of a bar. Unconsciously, I knocked my head on the table hard for multiple times, until one of the bartenders stopped me. By then, everybody had paused what they're doing and stared at me like I was some kind of monster. If only they could see the inside of me, they would know what they thought was the truth all along.

"Demons Of The Flash." That would make an appealing headline. I giggled at my own joke. Oh how times have changed.

It's like what they say, how the mighty have fallen.

For the first time since I have gotten my powers, I wished I hadn't been that lucky one. I wish I wasn't granted this huge power, this huge responsibility. I miss the luxuries of being a human.

Perhaps it's my punishment. For altering the time line.

Unknowingly, I ended up in front of my house. Slowly, I slid in the key, turned it, then entered.

Exhausted, I fell face flat on my bed. And once, again, I have the same nightmare I had last night, the last month, even, maybe. I don't know, I haven't really been keeping track of time, and honestly? It doesn't really concern me. I woke up, drenched in my own sweat, whisper-screaming, blankets tangled around my legs.

The next thing I knew, I was standing outside Cisco's door, knocking.

A bleary eyed Cisco came up, opened the door, and asked, "What is it you could possibly want 2 in the morning?"

That's when it hit me. What was I doing here? I was about to turn around and leave when Cisco stopped me.

"Barry! What a pleasant surprise, albeit a little too early in the morning."

I ignored him and kept on walking, trying to leave this place as soon as possible. It's not like Cisco cared about my personal life anyway.

Cisco, however, did not seem to share the same concern, seeing as he came forward and dragged me in his house despite my protests.

I sat down as Cisco made 2 cups of hot chocolate. Or coffee. Whichever it is, it didn't really matter.

"What's wrong, Barry?

I kept silent.

"Oh, come on, you know the silent treatment won't work on me."

Again, I kept silent. I just wasn't in the mood to say anything. I sipped the liquid from my cup.

"Barry, if this is about my brother," he tried. And he must've knew it was indeed about his brother, because I tensed up and cringed.

"I want you to know that I don't blame you. Okay, I might have in the beginning, but then I saw things through. I forgive you. Barry, it was one mistake, and you have to stop letting it be your anchor. You can't keep blaming yourself for everything that had happened after Flashpoint, every mistake, every little detail. It is not your fault."

I looked up from my cup and stared at him. Some how, something that he said unlocked me.

"Umm... I uh... have had this recurring nightmare for quite some time that... umm... where you scream at me because I am responsible for your brothers death... and umm.. you said you would get revenge for your brother... and umm-"

My breathing picked up and i started panicking, and then tears started pouring down my face.

"Hey Barry. Barry calm down. Look at me. Look."

I looked at him straight in his eye.

"I would never, ever say that. Hell, that thought hasn't ever crossed my mind. Barry, you are one of the best people that I have ever known, one of the kindest, and selfless person. You are willing to do anything to fight for justice, and even if sometimes it might be dangerous to yourself. Although you are a hero, let's not forget that you are a human too. And humans, they make mistakes, they get scared and they make wrong decisions. I guess what I'm trying to say is, the past is history, and you can't change that. The only thing you can do, is learn from your mistakes, stand up, and grow stronger."

I gave what Cisco said a good thought. Despite normally, he spits nonsense from that mouth, whatever he said just now made perfect sense to me.

"It's time you forgave yourself, like all of us forgave you, and stop beating yourself up over this."

That's what broke me. I started crying, and he just let me, offering me a tissue occasionally.

I am really lucky to have a great friend like Cisco, who would stick by me during my hardest times.

After a seemingly very long period of time, my tears finally subsided.

"I'm sorry. For waking you up and snatching your hours of sleep."

"Hey, now you need to stop apologizing. After all, that is what friends are for."

I wanted a confirmation, so I asked, "I killed your brother, and you consider me your... friend?"

"Okay, you have got to stop saying that. I already told you many times that I lost count, and I'll say this one more time, you are NOT responsible for my brother's death. Let it go, and come back to us, Barry, be the Barry we know and love."

I almost started crying again as he said those words. He really did care about me, didn't he.

"Thank you, Cisco."

"Anytime buddy, ain't that what friends are for? Now you can crash on the couch, I'm assuming you won't want to be alone after all that confession."

He went off, then came back carrying a blanket in his hands.

And I have decided. I will try to get better. I have to. For Cisco, for Iris, for Caitlin, and for everyone who cares about me.

I have to try.

Again, crappy content. It's like my brain is stuffed with tissue balls and I can't think straight. I have tried though I promise. Coming up next chap, POV's from his friends of his progress and further actions to be taken. Stay tuned and stick around. I hope you enjoyed this chap and please review! Thanks!