Disclaimer: That '70s Show copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.

CHAPTER FIVE
GOING ON THE ATTACK

Jackie darted into the Formans' kitchen just in time. Mrs. Forman had gathered ingredients—eggs, flour, cinnamon—for whatever Saturday treat she planned on baking, but Jackie needed those plans to change.

"Mrs. Forman!" Jackie's purse banged against her hip as she dashed to Mrs. Forman's side. The uncracked egg in Mrs. Forman's hand was dangerously close to her mixing bowl. "You have to help me!" Jackie said and wrapped her fingers around Mrs. Forman's wrist.

"What on Earth—?" Mrs. Forman's gaped as Jackie gently, but firmly, dragged Mrs. Forman's hand away from the bowl. "Jackie, what is going on?"

Jackie touched the pendant at her collar bone. Steven had won it for her yesterday at the Oshkosh County Fair. Nine games of Balloon and Dart on the midway, and the silver shooting star dangled from his finger on a chain.

"Thought you might like this," he'd said. He could've have gotten himself a Matchbox car or a KISS record, but he'd chosen a prize for her.

"Why?" she said. "Why did you...?"

He scratched the nape of his neck, as he so often did when uncomfortable. She knew him well enough to understand his body language. Her question and the shrieks of excited children had closed him off. His shoulders hiked to his ears. He wasn't going to answer; she was sure of it, but once his shoulders relaxed, he gave her a look that indicated surrender.

"When you were a kid," he said, "stargazing … pickin' out constellations. You get it."

Her eyes burned, and she shut them to hide her tears. He'd listened to her. Truly listened when she spoke. Weeks ago, she'd told him about stargazing with her dad About how she still loved to gaze at the night sky.

"Honey," Mrs. Forman said now, "are you all right?"

"Fine." Jackie swallowed the ache in her throat. "I have to bake something for Steven. He's been really nice to me lately, and I want to thank him." But she didn't know his favorite cookie … or if it even was a cookie. Maybe he preferred brownies. Or ice cream. "He's at work now, and I want to get this done before he gets back."

Mrs. Forman let go of the egg, and it rocked on the counter. "I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"You two have finally started dating."

"No, we haven't."

"Are you sure?" Mrs. Forman tilted her head and sang her next words: "Because I kind of think you aaaaaare."

Jackie's stomach thrummed. She'd eaten pancakes for breakfast, but it might as well have been a beehive. "Steven and I don't like each other that way, Mrs. Forman."

"If you call spending every free moment together, holding hands, and sitting cozily on the couch 'not liking each other,' then I don't know what kids are up to these days."

"We don't hold hands." Jackie snatched the jar of cinnamon from the counter. She unscrewed the lid and sniffed the cinnamon. "When have we—" Spicy-sweet scent choked her nostrils. She coughed away from the jar, but she had a question that needed answering. "When did we ever hold hands?"

Mrs. Forman took the jar from her and put the lid back on it. "I might have gone into the basement the other day to do the laundry, and I might've waited at the top of the stairs when I saw you and Steven. You were playing chess, but you'd stopped to hold hands above the board..."

"We don't—" Jackie pressed her fist to her lips and bit into her knuckle. "That's wasn't..."

"It's okay, sweetie. If you and Steven want to keep your dating private, I won't say anything to anyone." Mrs. Forman patted the counter, as if signaling that subject was closed. "All right, then! You want to bake him something? How about peanut butter chocolate chip cookies? They're his favorite."

"Yes! That's exactly what I want to make for him." Jackie's heart fluttered. Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. She should've realized he loved those flavors. Ever since Reese's Pieces came out, he'd chosen them over M&Ms. "Do you have the ingredients? Do we have to go to the store?"

"No, no. I have everything we need, and I have something for you. Stay here." Mrs. Forman hurried into the living room and returned with a magazine. "You will sit on that stool," she gestured to the bar in front of the sink, "and read this." She passed the latest issue of Glamour to Jackie. "And I will bake the cookies."

Jackie curled the magazine in her hands. She hadn't read that issue yet, but she'd wanted to do the baking. "Mrs. Forman, if you make the cookies, how are they from me?"

"It's just like when you used to buy those shirts for Michael. You didn't make them, did you?"

Jackie's shoulders stiffened."Do you have spy cameras set up in this house?" she said. Nothing else could explain Mrs. Forman's secret knowledge. "I saw that on an episode of Charlie's Angels, but I don't think they're legal without informing your guests."

Mrs. Forman laughed a loud, bone-vibrating laugh. "I don't need cameras, sweetie. I just pay attention. Now," she pointed at the bar again, "this will go a lot faster if you let me do the baking. Also, there's a much better chance the cookies will be edible."

"Okay, fine." Jackie opened her purse and removed a five-dollar bill. "But I'll pay you for your services."

"Oh, you don't..." Mrs. Forman gazed at the five-dollar bill. "Well, the ingredients do cost money." She plucked the bill from Jackie's fingers and stuffed it into her pants pocket.

Fifteen minutes later, the smell of chocolate and peanut butter saturated the kitchen. Jackie tried to focus on Glamour's article about fall makeup trends, but the scent of Steven's cookies distracted her. She couldn't wait to see his face when she gave him her gift. It would solidify their friendship. He'd understand she was as much of a giver as a taker. If Michael and Eric got pissy about her presence at school, Steven would shut them down.

She giggled and turned the page of the magazine without looking. Donna had accepted Jackie's place in the group, but she'd never defended it. Neither had Michael when they were dating, but Steven … for all he didn't say, he'd already told her what she longed to believe, that he respected her.

Water splashed onto the bar and the magazine. Mrs. Forman was washing baking utensils at the sink, but her hands had jerked up with the mixing bowl. Her stare seemed fixed on the space behind Jackie, and Jackie twisted around on the bar stool.

"Oh, no..."

Michael had plastered his face against the sliding glass door. His mouth was open wide, resembling a leech's, and he puffed out his cheeks.

"Should I let him in?" Mrs. Forman said. "He's getting spittle on my house."

"No, I'll do it." Jackie got off the stool. She'd been the one to lock the patio door to begin with. She'd wanted a little extra security, in case Steven left work early. Of course, he could enter the house two other ways, but she hadn't thought that far ahead.

She knocked on the glass where Michael had positioned his gaping mouth. He moved away, and she opened the door for him. "Michael."

He wiped his lips on his sleeve and, in the process, swept a bouquet of pink roses through the air. She backed up before it hit her in the nose. "These are for you," he said and presented the bouquet to her properly.

She eyed the roses. "Why?"

"An apology. I was insensitive the other day. I know you like being romanced, not just having your physical needs met. So..." he shook the bouquet for emphasis, "I'll romance you as long as you don't expect me to be magnanimous."

"You mean monogamous," she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Right. That one. So will you accept these? They're your faaaaavoriiiiite." He'd sung the last sentence, and Mrs. Forman tsked.

Jackie dug her nails into arms. Michael had become even more cocky over the summer. He must've thought she couldn't do better than him. Or that she hadn't found love elsewhere in his absence, but his charity was an insult.

"I don't want your stupid roses," she said.

"What? You mean I stole these from the flower shop for nothing?"

"Who do you think I am, Michael?" She grabbed the bouquet and smacked his head with it. He cried out in pain—or maybe shock—but she hit him again. "Did you ever know me?" She hit him a third time, and pink petals fluttered to the floor. "Obviously not because you think I'd accept a selfish cheater back into my heart."

She tossed the bouquet to the ground and stomped on it. "We're over!" she shouted, but her voice cracked, and her eyelashes grew wet. "You mean nothing to me, so just leave me alone!"

She shoved him aside and raced to the driveway. Her tears were infuriating. They were a betrayal. She shouldn't be crying, not about Michael, but the treason continued as she fled to the Pinciottis' backyard. Steven's cookies were safe with Mrs. Forman. Jackie would come back for them after she regained control of her brain.

Hyde settled into his chair and propped his feet on the spool table. The basement was peaceful without Forman and Kelso. The Hub's Space Invaders competition had drawn them away, which made Donna and Fez better company. No Forman for Donna to swap spit with, and no Kelso for Fez to whine to about his virginity.

But Jackie was missing. He had no clue where she was or what she was doing, and his insides became cramped at her absence, as if his skeleton were shrinking. This was their last Saturday afternoon before school. Would've been cool to hang out with her before the cheer squad reabsorbed her into its ranks.

He inhaled deeply and held the breath a moment before exhaling. Earlier, he'd changed out of his pot-scented clothes and bandaged a pair of paper cuts. Photo-sorting wasn't normally hazardous, but his circle with Leo had messed up his coordination. His high was gone now, though, and The Jeffersons repeat on TV failed to distract him from the truth.

Spending all day with Jackie yesterday should've been enough. Giving her that shooting star necklace had been an impulse, driven by feelings he no longer controlled. But her joy squirmed beneath his skin: the unexpectedly shy smile, her warm hand cupping his neck, and the soft kiss on his cheek. He craved more of it, to be the cause of her happiness.

"Steven?" Mrs. Forman said loudly, like she'd been calling his name for days. She was standing at the top of the wooden staircase, and she gestured to herself. "I need to talk to you a moment."

"Sure, Mrs. Forman."

He stood up and rolled his shoulders, but the tension in them remained as Fez said, "Ooh, you're in trouble!"

Donna chuckled. "I bet she's gonna ground you. Maybe even send you to Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow."

"No, no. Steven isn't in trouble," Mrs. Forman said as Hyde climbed the stairs. "I just have to talk to him about Jackie."

"Jackie?" Donna and Fez both said.

Hyde's head started to pound. Their nonsensical burns had just been goofs, but now he was in actual trouble. "She said jacket," he yelled down at them. "My jacket's ripped..." he looked at Mrs. Forman, "right?"

The confusion on her face dissolved. "Right! I distinctly said jacket." She pointed at Donna and Fez. "You two better get your hearing checked tomorrow. I'll make an appointment for you at the hospital—"

"Our hearing's fine, Mrs. Forman," Donna said. "But go have your private conversation about Hyde's 'jacket'."

"Get bent," Hyde said and scooted past Mrs. Forman to the kitchen. She followed, and he sat at the bar. The more distance between himself and the basement door, the better. "What's this about Jackie?" he whispered.

"Well..." Mrs. Forman whispered back and joined him at the bar. "If you're serious about her, then you shouldn't wait."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"I know you kids are trying to keep it a secret, maybe even from yourselves. But Michael's not over her, and he's gone on the attack."

Gone on the attack? Hyde's head pounded harder, and he scraped his nails through his beard. The skin on his face burned, but he didn't quit scratching.

"He brought Jackie roses today," Mrs. Forman went on, "and she ran out of here in tears."

"She was crying?" His hands dropped to his lap and curled into fists. Kelso had made Jackie cry … again. Which meant he still had the power to affect her. "Thanks, Mrs. Forman. You did the right thing, telling me."

"I thought so. Now you do the right thing."

"Trust me. I will." He hopped off the bar stool. No way was Kelso getting what he wanted. "But I'm gonna need your permission to make it happen."

"My permission?" She placed her hand over her heart. "Whatever for?"

Donna and Fez surrounded Hyde when he returned to the basement. He couldn't move more than two feet from the stairs. His jaw clenched at the lack of personal space, but he needed their help. So he backed up and sat on the third step.

"What's really going on?" Donna said, standing in front of him. "If you and Jackie are dating, tell us now."

"Yes," Fez said. "Donna and Eric informed me of your kiss yesterday."

Hyde's neck stiffened. He and Jackie hadn't kissed. He'd kissed the top of her head. "We're not dating, all right?"

Donna slapped the the staircase's support beam. ""No, it's not all right! If you and Jackie are more than friends, we're all screwed."

"How?" His palms slid over his forehead, and his fingers tunneled into his hair. A pair of aspirin would've been good about now. "How the hell would me and Jackie dating screw anyone else but me?"

She glared at him as if the answer were obvious. "Because of Kelso!"

"Still not gettin' it."

"Ai, let me try." Fez waved at Donna to move. She did, and Fez took her place in front of Hyde. "Kelso will be furious if you date Jackie. He will do anything to get her back, and then we'll have to choose between you and him. And I don't want to choose."

"Hyde," Donna said, "she ran into my room this morning, crying about him. He wants her back but only, like, so she won't be with anyone else."

"I love Kelso," Fez said, "but he is being unfair. He says Jackie should be his girlfriend as long as he doesn't have to be her boyfriend. Is that even possible?"

Hyde clutched his knees as his pulse stomped on his eardrums. "All that is crap, okay? Jackie can date whoever she wants."

Donna's eyebrows rose. "Including you?"

"Yup, but I'm not interested in her." Not romantically, not anymore. Kelso's hold on her was too strong, and Hyde wouldn't be used again, not so she could get revenge.

He also wouldn't abandon her.

"In fact," he said and drummed his fingers on his knees, "I'm thinkin' we should get Jackie a new boyfriend. Tonight."

"Tonight? Boyfriend?" Donna was playing with the ends of her hair, but her fist closed around them. "Oh, God..." Blood rose to her cheeks, and her voice lowered. "Last year, when my mom left, you held me. For, like, a really long time."

"He held you?" Fez opened his arms wide. "I can hold you. Come here, baby—"

She shoved him aside. "Hyde, I'm so sorry. You really are friends with her."

Hyde nodded once, but her apology could've been for doubting him or because he and Jackie had become friends.

Didn't matter. If she helped him, his friendship with Jackie might actually last longer than the summer.

"So here's what's gonna happen..." He pushed himself off the stairs, and both Donna and Fez finally gave him space. "We've gotta find Jackie a good guy to date. Someone like Forman but not—"

"Into Star Wars?" Donna said.

"Bony?" Fez said.

"All of the above." Hyde took a notepad and pen from the shelves beneath the stairs. He brought them to his chair and sat down. "The three of us have gotta be sneaky and observant. Fez, remember when you and Forman threw me that party?"

Fez hopped over the back of the couch and landed hard. "Ow. How does Kelso do it?"

"Fez, man, focus. That get-Hyde-a-chick party—"

"Of course I remember. You yelled at me."

"Yeah, well, we gotta do the same for Jackie."

"Yell at her?" Fez said, and Donna frogged him. "Ai! Why did you punch me?"

"Because you're being dense," she said and sat next to him, "but Jackie'll never go for it. She'll be insulted. 'Jackie Burkhart doesn't need help finding a man!'"

Hyde chewed on the end of the pen. Donna had a point. Jackie's pride was as big as it was vulnerable. "Her getting a date ain't the problem. Getting a good one is. Look at her track record."

"Kelso," Fez said. "Kelso again. That guy you punched. Then you. Then Kelso a third time..."

"Right." Hyde scribbled on the notepad, to make sure the pen was working. "We've gotta do this. 'Cause you know Kelso's not gonna stop. Not until she gives in."

"It's really sweet you care about her so much..." Donna said, "and a little scary." She tapped her cheek, as if deep in thought. "A party won't work. We have to make it something that'll stroke her ego, like a TV show..." Her eyes widened. "I've got it! We'll do The Dating Game! We just have to find some eligible, Jackie-worthy bachelors."

Fez thrust his arm into the air. "I volunteer!"

"Fez," Donna said, "how is Kelso gonna accept you dating Jackie anymore than he'd accept Hyde dating her?"

"Damn." Fez put down his arm. "I don't volunteer."

Hyde wrote a list of requirements on the notepad. He copied it onto the notepad's second page, and he passed both copies to Donna and Fez. "This is what Jackie needs. Pay attention, use what you know about who you're talkin' to, and make a good choice."

Donna laughed. "Hyde, you sound so serious."

"This is serious." He had no time to conceal the truth. Being so open was like slicing his skin and exposing his veins, but this Dating Game shit needed to get done. "Fez, you're going to The Hub. There's a ton of dudes there today for that Space Invaders contest. Don't let Forman or Kelso see you."

Fez gave him a thumbs-up. "Can I borrow your Milwaukee Brewers baseball cap? I should be in disguise."

"Go for it," Hyde said, and Fez rushed into Hyde's room. "Get my aspirin while your at it, would ya?"

"Ten-four!" Fez shouted back.

Hyde gestured at Donna with the pen. "You'll hit—"

"The mall," she said. "You put smart and philosophical on her list, and the mall has some nerdy stores. I'm sure I can find someone there."

"Yeah. Okay." Hyde cleared his throat. It had grown dry. Just thinking about Jackie had that affect on him, but this scheme might actually work. He'd go to Mt. Humphrey Park, to the public chess tables. They were mostly used by old men, but maybe he'd find someone Jackie-appropriate there. Someone better than Kelso and, hopefully, better than himself.