Disclaimer: I of course do not own these characters anything relating to them,.

WARNING: This chapter is heavy, dealing with very dark thoughts & themes you may need a couple of tissues!

Thankfully, my parents were not home; I just couldn't face them right now. I walked into the house, my ego bruised, and my emotions in tatters. Sighed heavily, knowing that I would probably be sporting a healthy bruise on my jaw come morning. I could only hope that my ribs were only bruised and not cracked or god forbid, broken. I headed straight to my Dad's drinks cabinet I didn't care. I needed something, anything, to take the seemingly endless pain away. I grabbed a bottle of Malt Whisky, before heading out to the summerhouse. Slumping in the chair where I had last sat while Tanya made me feel so good, now I felt like my world had fallen apart. Bella had abandoned me, abandoned us, casting me aside as she had enough of me. I took deep swigs from the bottle. The amber liquor burned my throat as it made its way into the pit of my stomach. I felt a warm flush rise within me, praying that this would help to dull the ache within me.

I felt my head start to feel fuzzy, and I remembered that I had not eaten since yesterday. I just couldn't face food before the dance, I was so nervous as it was the first one I had attended. My phone buzzed and instinctively I looked to see that Bella had sent me a message. I didn't bother to read it, pressing the delete button. She didn't give up and neither did I. Every time I received a message from her, I pressed delete before I took another gulp of the Whisky.

Everything that had happened to me replayed over and over in my mind, I knew that wherever I went I would be laughed at, mocked. I had no reason to think that I would be able to walk away from this unscathed and the laughter I heard in the school gym would only be the beginning of my misery. There is nothing that I could do stop or calm it down. No, that power had been well and truly in Bella's hands and she'd thrown away that chance when she denied, in front of everyone, that we had anything together. Then of course, there was Tanya. She told Bella about us to make her jealous and to try and break us up. Tanya, I thought,always knew that I didn't love her. She was just there at the right time and I thought that she felt the same way as I did, that we were just having a bit of fun.

It was now very clear that neither of them could be trusted. They had both hurt and betrayed me. I pictured them getting together, laughing and joking as they compared notes on my performance. I snorted at the thought finding,some humor in that dark thought.

Bella didn't give up with the phoning or the messages. Eventually,I answered one of her calls but I didn't give her chance to speak as I snapped down the phone at her.

"Fuck off,Bella. I really don't want to speak to you now, or ever. Leave me alone."

I switched my phone to silent. I could not bear to switch it off completely. My head pounded with the alcohol I had consumed. With slightly unsteady feet,I made my way back to the house to seek out something else for my pain. I wished there was something to stop my heart aching. I headed into the house and to my Dad's office, knowing that he kept several types of prescription painkillers and the like locked in his filing cabinet drawer. What he didn't know is that I knew where he hid the key. After much fumbling I found some tablets, and then I saw more...many more. I turned the packets over in my hand. The warnings on the back of the packets stated quite clearly, 'do not take if you have had alcohol.' I sat in my Dad's office chair staring at a packet I had selected on the desk, taking gulps of Whiskey.

My thoughts were interrupted by the house phone ringing. I let it go to voicemail, listening as Bella's seductive tones filled the still empty air of the house.

"Hey sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen,it's Bella. I'm trying to get hold of Edward; he's not answering his phone. Can you let me know he's okay? Thanks."

I stared at the phone incredulously. After the way I just spoke to her, I didn't know how she dare call here. Looking to worm her way back into my life through my family. I ran my hand through my hair,tugging at it, knowing that I will never, ever get any peace from her. Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket I was alarmed to see that I had message alerts flashing away. When I looked a few were from Bella, she obviously could not take the hint. Most were from random numbers. The messages shocked me. There were references to Bella and me, rude and downright crude. Some messages called me a freak, others told me to leave town as I didn't deserve her. I felt sick. How had my number been so freely circulated, and by whom? My cell phone flashed as it rang. I hesitated before I answered, relieved to see that it was Emmett. But I still answered with trepidation in my voice.

"What do you want?"

"Jeez Eddie, calm down. Just calling to see if you're okay? Heard some shit went down at the dance last night. And well, there are these rumors and photo's doing the rounds."

My heart almost stopped beating.

"What? Emmett, just tell me. What photos?"

"There are rumors flying around by text message with some shitty quality photo on there,too"

"Fuck, Emmett. What are you saying that there are rumors already about me and Bella?"

"Yeah bro, I'm getting hit from all sides and-"

He got no further as I hung up on him, I started pacing the room. No, this could not be happening to me.

Panic flooded through me. So I risked not only the whole school knowing, but also people in town, including my parents. I ran to the downstairs bathroom and threw up, until there was nothing left inside of me. I thought that Jessica had enough of her games with the stunt at the diner, but obviously not, she had more in mind. But wasn't she also hurting Bella in the process?

In a fit of anger I grabbed the packet of pills off the desk and another bottle of Whiskey and then swept my arm across the desk, scattering the papers and framed family photos onto the floor. I made my way into the kitchen, taking my mom's note from the fridge and simply wrote on the bottom.

'I'm sorry. I can't do this. Forgive me. I love each of you. Edward.'

Once the message was back on the fridge I left the house and jumped in the car. I was sure that I should not be driving, but that was the least of my worries and I really didn't give a fuck right now. I drove fast. Luckily, the road I was taking was quiet and I passed no one en-route. Once at my destination,I got out of the car, taking the blanket from the trunk I made my way down onto the sand of First Beach to watch the ocean. Sitting there felt strangely calming. Memories of meeting Bella here that first night, of her dancing in the sand. Our kiss all caused a smile to flicker across my face. I knew that the decision I had made was right for me, and I didn't think or right now, care about how my actions would impact on those around me. I just wanted to be free of the hurt and pain. I didn't want to feel anymore.

I popped a few pills and washed them down with the Whiskey. My head and heart were pounding, but I found it in myself to continue on my quest. I didn't want to be here anymore. I felt so alone and think that this was the best way to deal with it, to remove myself from the equation. I had gone from feeling so happy and like I could do anything, to having nothing. Hitting rock bottom didn't feel much worse – did it?

As I sat there huddled in my blanket waiting for the effects to take hold I watched a storm rolling in off the ocean. The sea got stormy and I could feel the change in the air. There were low rumbles of thunder and I could see the lightning flash lighting up the darkness of the beach. I closed my eyes and replayed happier times with Bella. I saw her beautiful face as she smiled and saw the love in her eyes. Where did it all go so wrong for us? I loved her, and I just wished that she had the faith in me, in us to be strong enough to not care what anyone else said. We would be out of school soon enough and had made plans, together. Now they laid in tatters. More pills and Whiskey hit my empty stomach and I began to feel a wave of calm wash over me. It crept up on me gradually. I felt relaxed, and started to feel myself become numb to the pain. I no longer felt my heart breaking, but that could have been because I couldn't feel much of anything. Tiredness came next, and my urge was to curl up in a ball and sleep. Knowing that I might not wake again, I wanted to watch the ocean as the waves crashed onto the beach. It was all strangely relaxing.

My random flow of thoughts were broken by my phone ringing. I could not focus enough on the display to see who it was, but I answered anyway. It didn't matter, they couldn't stop me now, they wouldn't even know where I was. I didn't speak. My breathing was labored and I was sure that they could hear that.

"Hello, hello? Edward, are you there? Edward? Please talk to me… Edward you are scaring me. Please!-"

The phone fell from my hand as I slumped backwards onto the sand. The voice that I heard was filled with irony to me. It was like they had called me because they knew this is was our goodbye. This was the last time I would hear Bella's voice, I was happy now. I was vaguely aware that I could hear her screaming at me but I could not muster the energy to reach for the phone. I was lying there, barely able to move but I didn't feel scared. This is what I wanted. I had a strange feeling of peace. I managed to utter some words, I didn't know if she would hear them or not, or even if she was listening.

"I love you. I'm sorry"

There was more shouting coming from the phone. I tried to focus on what she was saying but all I could hear was shouting. I had no idea how long she shouted into the phone, but she continued as I moved further and further away from the sound of her voice. The darkness was welcoming me, taking me in its embrace and holding me there, protecting and keeping me secure until I was ready to be taken over by it. My eyelids felt heavy and it was a massive effort to keep them open, so I didn't fight it any longer.

Time passed and I could hear muffled sounds of the waves crashing on the shore, and there was no other sound to break into my descent. Then suddenly I was aware of shouting and it getting nearer to me but I couldn't tell if this was real or some hallucination. I then felt like I was being pulled around, but by whom? I was alone here, wasn't I? My eyes would simply not open of their own accord, then they were pulled open and I could see shapes above me. It felt as if someone was slapping my face, but my body felt so numb I could have been dreaming the entire thing in a desperate attempt to scare myself into stopping my decline. Could I really hear someone crying, sobbing their heart out? My name falling from their lips over and over again? I heard muffled sirens and I knew then that this was no hallucination. I could hear EMT's talking in a language that my Dad would understand if he were here with me.

All of the sudden I could feel air whooshing into my lungs, followed by the calm, steady beeping of a monitor. Frantic voices were barking orders, before soft gentle skin enveloped my hand as I was moved into a very bright space. The light was hurting my eyes, so I allowed them to close to get some relief. All I wanted was it all to stop. It ultimately did as I heard the machine beeps growing frantic, matched by the panicked voices around me as I finally fell over the edge of the cliff. As this was all happening, I couldn't hold back as the darkness that had been haunting and tempting me finally made it's move to claim me. Then, suddenly, I heard that solitary, heart breaking, blood curdling scream.

Authors note:
Beta'd as always by the fabulous Cosmom – hugs darling!

I hope that you are all still with me and not ready to hunt me down in your droves!

This chapter is going out early this week especially for two lovely ladies, 3C Cullen who has just watched the Bel Ami premiere live feed all the way from Oz and is staying awake so I promised her an early update and to laters baby who is reading and reviewing despite having flu – hope you feel better soon.

I have recc for you, not sure if any of you read Slash, if you do then please do head over and check out The Debt by my wonderful friend and 'twin' Delphius Fanfic. http : / www . /s/ 7313780/1/ If you do check it out and leave her some love, tell her I sent you.

Until next week . Lou x x