"OKAY CATS OF SHADOWCLAN, TIME TO STOP ****ING AROUND. WE NEED TO FIND THIS STUPID, ONION-CRUNCHING MYTHICAL OGRE AND DISCOVER HIS SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE." Blackstar yowled.
"Please, it's like lining up in front of a guillotine." Ivypool snorted.
"What's a guillotine?" Moonflower asked curiously.
"Never mind."
"I'll go! I want to prove myself!" Tigerheart called.
"Ooh, he be hawt!" Dovewing crooned.
"You disloyal little ****! I'm going to shred you!" Bumblestripe leapt at her, claws outstretched. He performed an admirable face plant.
"Lay a claw on her and I'll put your intestines out." Ivypool promised darkly.
"Tigerheart, I guess you go alone. No one else has foolish delusions of grandeur." Blackstar rolled his eyes.
"Heck yeah! Going on a mission to save this sorry excuse for a clan!" Tigerheart ran off into the unknown. And immediately found that he'd gotten lost.
"Hello? Is anyone out there?" He yowled. "Not that I need anyone's help or anything."
"Is it Shrek that you seek?" A mysterious voice asked him.
"Yeah. Where is he?" Tigerheart looked around.
"BEHIND YOU!"
"WHAT THE HELL, WHERE? WHERE?" He screeched in panic.
"I was just kidding, stupid. If you want me to tell you where he is, you have to eat a cucumber."
"What's that?"
"Exactly, Tigger. Exactly. Okay, I'll have mercy on you."
"But who are you?"
"I am Kumquatstar." Said leader appeared out of nowhere, revealing herself to be a ginger she-cat with a kumquat on her head.
"Oh. That's awesome."
"Why, thank you. I'll give you some advice for that compliment. Go left, right, right, left, right, and left."
"Okay." Said Tigerheart, and he followed the instructions. He subsequently fell off a cliff and died.
"Oops." Kumquatstar sat there awkwardly for a moment, then disappeared again.
Meanwhile, back in StarClan camp…
"Why you always lyin?" Frostfur screeched at Brindleface.
"What's going on?" Sunstar demanded.
"She ate my truffles!" Frostfur wailed. Sweetpaw attempted to comfort her, but she spontaneously combusted.
"Not another one!" Sunfish groaned. "There's only about a hundred of us left. If Tigerheart doesn't come back soon with the secrets of Shrek, the clans will be gone."
Jagged Peak sighed. "I've been here this long without fading. Screw Shrek, I say. How did this even happen?"
Every cat paused, realizing what their world had deteriorated into. "All these Twoleg things… what's happened to us?"
"It all started when…"
"An alien device did what it did!" Fennelstar randomly sang from the background.
"Will you just shut up? What's wrong with us?" Blossomfall demanded.
Upon this realization, everyone imploded and a rift in the time-space continuum swallowed every trace of their existence.
A/N: Ok this is really old and full of really old memes and it's cringy as fuck but I realized that I never posted it and I had to I had to let it die and finish it I'm sorry