[authors note: So here's the next installment. Anyway, for those who want a happy good and wholesome ending things have to progress before we get anywhere close to there. For you all I say that this story isn't anywhere near finishing but I think I do want Matt's other side to come back. He was fun. So anyway you know the drill. Until next time.]

One more time

Mello lifted the visor scanning the parking lot to find Matt's car but there wasn't a trace. He sighed, of course he would beat Matt to the meeting point not that it mattered. Matt would show up in due time probably with the same crooked smile and goggled face. The more that he thought of it he wasn't sure exactly how well this would end up working. Matt had gone out of his way to get away from him. Was he really hurting Matt more than helping him by being around? No, that had nothing to do with it. Matt was upset because he was playing with his emotions. Matt's emotions, he had never fully thought about those before. He really was wrong.

Surprisingly the car legally made a left turn before pulling into the parking lot though he did narrowly miss oncoming traffic and probably dying at the same time. Mello winced at Matt's lack of caring before straightening as the other parked quietly beside him. The window slowly rolled releasing built up smoke that billowed upward before revealing his face. "Hey." He said his hair tucked up and away from his face for once. Matt was going through drastic changes, was that his fault also?

He didn't smile instead he stared attempting to register his face into something that wasn't glare. He wasn't sure how it looked but Matt's expression never changed but that didn't mean that he wasn't glaring. Matt had managed to weather the storm for more years than most. "Yeah, let's go for a walk before dinner." He mumbled pulling the helmet off feeling his hair shift and fall before glancing at the red head that was lighting another cigarette before getting out of the car.

Matt slid out of the car blowing smoke into the others face before turning and heading towards the park. "You coming?" He questioned feeling the smirk form itself on his lips when he felt Mello's cold glare on the back of his neck. Priceless. "Gonna hit me, princess?" He asked glancing over his shoulder just in time to see the blond tread down the trail after him flexing his fist with each step as if he really were going to do something but he wouldn't. This is a public area and Mello wouldn't so much as yell if he thought it would attract the wrong kind of attention. That's why he was surprised that Mello would choose such a location to talk about this.

Mello glared, "What the fuck did I tell you about calling me that?" He hissed in a deadly calm voice but the red head just shrugged. There were so many questions bubbling under the surface but each one of them showed an intimacy and weakness that he wasn't revealing to Matt. "If anything you're the princess, not me. Running away to a better place and all that jazz." He watched the red head shrug but he didn't respond. Mello finally caught up to him glancing at the others face, "Matt, where did you go?"

Matt glanced over, though his face was visible his eyes were still hidden behind sunny tinted glasses. "Well, I went to a place that I will live at for an amount of time before I move to another place for another amount of time." He grinned almost making Mello want to knock his teeth out. "But really though, I'm currently working on something and it requires that I can't live…with you." He wasn't sure how to voice it so that Mello wouldn't ask questions but anyway was useless. Mello was filled with questions that he would get an answer to one way or another.

The blond sighed, "You couldn't have told me that instead of leaving a cryptic message and disappearing suddenly." He almost looked like he wanted to pout but he didn't. He straightened and moved forward with enough pace that Matt had to run to catch up. "Matt, are you going to come home when this is over?" He glanced back in time to watch the red head shrug. "Matt, shrugging is not answering my question, it's being an asshole. Stop it."

"I'm being an asshole?" He questioned seriously watching the other as if he had just said the most unintelligent thing possible. "Right now I don't know what I'm going to do when the time comes. Hopefully I won't have to think about it until then because right now no, I don't want to come home to you when my stuff is complete." He winced. He didn't want Mello to feel like this was only because of the journal or only because he was in love with him. Truthfully, he didn't know what it was that made him feel as if he should keep his distance from Mello for a while. "I already told you how I feel. It gets difficult and I feel as if you use my affection for you to your advantage. It's not the best feeling in the world Mell."

The blond gaped at him, "I do." He replied seriously watching the other wince. He sighed, "Let me clarify. It has nothing to do with the way that you feel for me. I don't think that you should feel obligated to help me because you…have feelings for me but I ask for your help as a friend and someone that I know I can rely on. Or at least I thought that I could rely on you. It doesn't seem that way anymore which kind of hurts. I know I've fucked up Matt, I know that you can't possibly feel the same way but…"

"Why did you kiss me?" The red head cut him off with ease almost as if he wasn't talking. Mello had to admit he was ranting but that didn't mean that Matt got to be rude. "You kissed me on your own; I had nothing to do with it. Yet, you tell me that I don't have a chance because you're Catholic and being with me would doom your eternal soul. So it confuses me that you would kiss me even because of joy of having me back. Is it because you're Catholic that you can't be with me or because you're not attracted to me?"

Mello stopped in the middle of the trail and stared at the red head who continued to stare back. He was confused about that? Hell, Mello was confused about that and he was the one that kissed him. He bit back the insults, looked directly into the sunny tint of the red heads goggles and replied, "I don't know Matt. I really don't know."

Matt didn't respond for several seconds before nodding, "So if you weren't Catholic you'd give me a go?" He questioned.

"Maybe." Mello ran his fingers through blond tresses for once wishing he had goggles like Matt to hide his eyes and reaction. "I'm not sure."

The red head smirked, "So you're gay but Catholic?"

The blond glared, "I said maybe, that's not a yes. I am not gay."

Matt shrugged, "If you find me attractive which I think you do. You kissed me out of happiness or not I don't claim to know and you may give me a go if you weren't Catholic then Mello, you're probably gay."

Mello's hand twitched, "You know what Matt fuck this whole conversation. I wouldn't give you a go even if I was gay. You're a junkie, you smoke non-stop and all you do is play videogames. You're a goddamn shut in for Christ's sake and you really think that someone like me would bother touching someone like you. You're lucky that we're even friends. Case fucking closed Matt. I don't want to be with you like that. I'm not gay and I'm always going to be Catholic. Don't ask it anymore."

Matt didn't respond, instead he turned and headed back towards his car at the end of the trail.

Mello took in a deep breath, "Dammit all."