©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLUE EXORCIST! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUE KATO!

CHAPTER TWO

His limbs felt heavy and there was a dull ache in his head. To say that Rin didn't want to get up was an understatement. A quiet groan rumbled in his throat, coated with exhaustion, as he rolled over onto his back.

(Morning Rin!)

Rin opened his eyes partly, his bleary gaze falling upon the small familiar that had crawled onto his chest, staring at him with bright eyes. A barely-there-smile formed on Rin's face as he lifted a heavy hand to pet the feline demon's head, moving his fingers to gently scratch at the base behind one of its ears.

"Morning Kuro…" The teen murmured, his voice raspy and thick with sleep. Kuro rubbed against Rin's palm as he produced a noise of content. Rin stared at the tiny companion, watching it nuzzle his hand. Sleep threatened to pull him back into its waiting arms, beckoning him gently. His movements slowing as his head grew fuzzy.

As result from everything that happened during the week, Rin felt the aftereffects hitting him like a tidal wave. A really heavy tidal wave. As he became more aware, the events of the day before flooded through his memory: the demon…waking up in the medical unit…breaking down in the hall…and—

His eyes widened as he recalled the conversation with Izumo.

"You're not bad Okumura."

"You're not evil. You're not a monster."

"I'm not afraid of you."

The blood rushed to his face before he even realized it and he laid there for a moment in utter surprise. Then a sudden, familiar happiness bloomed within his chest and was followed by a tugging urge to cry. Instead, a quiet snicker left Rin as he closed his eyes in fluster. He still can't believe that really happened.

(You okay?)

He received the telepathic question along with mild concern floating through the mind link and Rin trailed his fingers down Kuro's back, feeling out his small spine and stopping at the base on his twin tails.

"Mm-hm." The teen replied gently, "I'm just thinkin' about yesterday."

After the talk with Izumo, Rin was exhausted. She had walked him back to his room before bidding him goodbye. Rin had been greeted by Kuro. The familiar had provided the needed comfort, keeping him company as the teen grew lost in his thoughts for the remainder of the night before drifting into a dreamless sleep. Which was something he hadn't had in quite a while. Finally some of his anxiety was eased. Definitely not all of it. But it was a start.

In fact, it had rekindled his previously dwindled optimism. He was going to try reaching out to the others again. He was going to try mending his relationships once more. He was going to try.

Just not today.

A silent exhale left through his nostrils at the thought, feeling Kuro curl up on his chest. Rin closed his eyes once more as fatigue overtook him. He was certainly not getting up today. He had a very, very stressful week and needed time to recuperate. One day wouldn't hurt right? Plus, it's not like anybody came to the abandoned boy's dormitory anyhow. The only ones allowed here were Yukio and himself. But Rin was alone for the time being due to Yukio being sent on a mission three days prior.

'I wonder how he's doing…' Rin thought before letting out a quiet snort, 'Probably kicking ass like usual. Always calling Yukio for these important missions…' Rin's blue eyes shot open as he suddenly had a thought,

'Has he heard of what happened?'

Kuro's ear twitched as he suddenly sat up, his yellow eyes scoping about the room. Rin stared at him questioningly for a moment before he was startled by the sound of the room door slamming open. Rin immediately sat up and jumped to his feet, grabbing for his sword next to his bed. Kuro fell onto the mattress and Rin stood in front of him, ready to protect and defend.

"Rin!"

"Yukio?" Rin blinked, stupefied by the presence of his twin. At the realization that there was no threat, the adrenaline that was pumping through him at that moment dissipated. The dull ache in his head was now pounding in protest from the sudden movement and Rin winced, crumbling down onto his knees. His muscles felt like they were on fire as they burned with strain and Rin shifted most of his weight onto Kurikara, to keep from falling onto his face.

"Rin!"

Yukio's alarmed exclamation pulled Rin to his senses. He soon felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, finding blue eyes staring at him in distress. Rin managed a weary smile in response. "S'okay Yukio, I'm fine. Just tired." He reassured gently. Bracing himself, Rin pushed himself to his feet with Yukio rising with him, the wary look never leaving the Exorcist's face.

A grimace flittered over Rin's features, the sore feeling in his torso catching him off guard momentarily as he straightened up. He placed the sword back in its place before Rin sat on the edge of the bed, with his elbows propped on his knees. Kuro rubbed up against his back and side then crawled under his arm before deciding to rest against his right thigh. Rin glanced down fondly at the action.

"Rin…"

"You've said my name three times now." Rin remarked listlessly. The aching was starting to get to him. "Something on your mind?"

Yukio met Rin's eyes as he looked up. "You look awful." The Exorcist spoke before he could stop himself. His older brother's appearance was haggard: his hair was messy, sticking out at odd angles, and dark circles surrounded his light eyes. His face looked alert but Yukio could see the underlying fatigue with it.

"I feel awful." Rin admitted with a loose grin, scratching under his chin. He then eased himself back against the bed, lying down then passing Yukio a look as he patted the space next to him. Yukio sat down and stared at Rin with an observing gaze. The Exwire let out a drawn out yawn, tears gathering in his eyes from the action. He rubbed them away before looking down, watching as Kuro crawled over to his side, curling up.

"Did you just wake up?" Yukio questioned.

"Yeah." Rin replied, "What time is it?" He added, looking up and meeting the eyes already on him.

"It's after nine in the morning." The other explained, "You slept in."

"Joy." Rin snorted sarcastically, "Not like I was going out anyway."

"I normally wouldn't say this, but I'm glad." Yukio muttered, earning the reaction of Rin's brows rising in mute surprise. "I heard from Shura what happened to you." He continued, solemnly. He watched as Rin's expression turned somber, his right hand moving to lay over his abdomen.

"I finished my mission late last night and when I got back here this morning, I was summoned by Sir Pheles soon after for my report and Shura was waiting outside. She told me that you might take it easy for a while. I asked her why and she said you nearly got killed." Two pairs of blue eyes met one another.

"I questioned further, asking just what the hell was she talking about. She begins telling me that your class had a training session with a demon. She told me how you weren't to participate. How she left you in charge after leaving the room, and how she came back to find the room in chaos and the Exwires hurt, with you bleeding to death on the floor." Rin winced at the cold tone Yukio's voice had developed but he continued to hold the apathetic gaze of aqua colored irises.

"So I asked another question—what does she mean by bleeding to death? I know you can heal so it didn't make sense. She then tells me the type of demon you guys were training with: a Hirrus. I know what a Hirrus's ability is."

Rin could see Yukio's mouth set into a frown, the skin between his brows forming wrinkles as they pinched together.

"So tell me Rin, just what the hell happened."

The older twin's facial expression twisted into a look of guilt. Yukio had just gotten back from his mission; he was probably stressed out already and then now he comes back, only to hear about what Rin had managed to get himself into. He couldn't even catch a break yet.

"You pretty much have all the info," Rin spoke quietly as he sat up, Kuro glancing at him at the action. "We were training and Shura left me in charge. The demon went wild and hurt the others."

"Yes but," Yukio started, "Why didn't you use your flames?"

Hands curling into fists, Rin stared at the floor blankly, "Excuse me?"

"When Shura had questioned the other Exwires, she was told by Suguro and Kamiki that you didn't summon your flames. No sword or anything. You just dove head first into it without any protection."

"It wasn't about me Yukio, I was doing it to protect them." Rin gritted out, sending an irritated look at the other boy.

"That's the problem!" Yukio snapped. "Why would you carelessly do something so reckless? You weren't even thinking about yourself, you weren't even thinking of the possibility that you getting hurt instead would've put them in even more danger! How would you have been able to protect them if the demon didn't stop attacking you? You would've just kept letting it happen!? Your regenerating abilities would've been useless and you would've been down before anyone even realized what had happen to you!"

"If I had known that the demon could disrupt my healing powers I would've been more careful!" Rin growled, his blue eyes glaring into Yukio's.

"Is that so?" The Exorcist asked, his voice clipped. "You're telling me you still wouldn't have thrown yourself in danger?"

"Of course n-" Rin stopped, the words drying up in his throat. He couldn't say it. He just couldn't. He knew damn well that he'd be lying if he did.

Ryuji had gotten on him for doing exactly that: throwing himself in the danger, taking it all on by himself. The memory of him being scolded by the older Exwire made his heart ache due to the events that happened after.

There was the probability of him being more careful of the demon but he still would've fought it. He still would've tried to protect the others. Even if they were afraid of him, or angry at him, or hated him. Even if they didn't see him as a friend. He still would've done it because he cared about them.

A frustrated noise left Rin's throat, a cross between a growl and whine, as he looked away from Yukio. His jaw ached from gritting his teeth so hard. His eyes itched and his nose burned all of a sudden. The constricting pain in his chest from yesterday was steadily returning.

"Shut up Yukio." Rin ordered, though his voice was shaking lightly. One hand rested over his stomach as Rin curled in on himself, twisting his shirt in his grip as the other hand clenched the fabric of the sheets. "Just shut up."

The room grew silent after the request was said and the tension felt thick as it hung in the air. Rin tried to get his feelings under control, his doubts and anger and worries were swirling around inside and his head was beginning to feel cloudy. The tears in his eyes refused to leave and Rin felt one roll down his cheek, dripping off his jaw and hitting the blanket, a dark spot forming, before another landed.

A shaky exhale left Rin as he lifted a hand to wipe his eyes. He looked up at Yukio to find his twin's face staring in shock. It was a moment later that pained sort of understanding look appeared in his aqua colored eyes as they stared at Rin, whom now felt exposed.

Yukio didn't see Rin cry often. Rin wouldn't allow it. He never liked Yukio seeing him hurting, whether it be physical or emotional.

Rin's worn blue gaze was concealed as his eyes shut momentarily, a small breath leaving his lips.

"Of course I would."

Yukio eyes held a look of resigned sadness. Like he already knew that would be the answer. Which was most likely the case. "I know."

"I wasn't thinking Yukio." Rin started, turning his body to face Yukio fully. Kuro crawled into his lap, nuzzling his stomach. Rin wrapped an arm around the small familiar. "It all happened so quickly and before I knew it I was standing in front of Izumo. I couldn't prevent the others from getting hurt but I wasn't going to sit still and watch her get killed. I used my body as a shield because I can't die." His eyes fluttered at the last few words.

"I thought it was okay because I can't die. But I didn't know the demon could stop another demon's healing powers."

"Shura kept you out because she didn't want you to take the risk." Yukio interjected. "Even if you had known, it wouldn't have stopped you from getting hurt either way. Perhaps the damage would've have been significantly lessened though."

"But any wound I would have gotten fighting it, probably would've just built up until I collapsed." Rin continued before he let out a noisy breath of vexation. "I didn't have time to think! I'm talking seconds Yukio! Seconds! Damn it, if I had just reacted a little faster I could have prevented any of them from getting hurt!"

"Seconds…" The bespectacled boy murmured, "What was happening before the demon attacked?"

Rin blinked, "Huh? Oh, they had everything under control. They were doing great. But it just flipped its lid all of a sudden…"

"…and in seconds, it had created such a havoc." Yukio said quietly, calculating in tone.

"What are you thinking?" Rin questioned as he looked over his twin.

"Why didn't you use your flames Rin?" Yukio answered, "You haven't hesitated on using them before so why?"

Rin went silent, his eyes looking down. Yukio had a hunch as to the reason why but he wasn't sure of it.

"Rin?"

"I…I…" Rin stuttered, his anxiety rising as he fumbled for an answer. He desperately tried to get his nerves under control. "I…"

"Does it, by any chance, have something to do with the camping trip?" Yukio asked, watching as Rin's brows furrowed. 'Bingo.'

"Assuming that it does," Yukio continued, "it would make sense that you're hesitant to use them. Especially after the whole Amaimon fiasco. Before I left, I did realize that your relationships with the other Exwires had taken quite a nose dive." A flashback of him telling his students of Rin's history after Rin was taken by Angel to the Grigori appeared in his mind. From the days following after, he noticed the strained tension between them. "I also realize how much that upsets you."

Rin looked at him with a look that Yukio had never seen on him. A look of despair, of regret, of sadness.

"I realize how hard it is that you are trying to get your flames under control. How hard you're trying to reconcile with them. After all," Yukio dug deeper, watching his older brother's control steadily chip apart. "they are your first friends."

"I don't know what to do Yukio." The words tumbled out of Rin's mouth before he could stop himself. His hands were shaking in his lap, holding Kuro for security and comfort.

"I'm trying. I really am! But how much of this is actually just worthless bullshit and how much will actually make a difference?" The desperation in his voice pulled on Yukio's heart strings. He was aware of his brother's destructive nature and how he could never properly interact with others as they grew up. His terrible temper and abnormal strength was the fault most of the time.

After their father's death, it was like Rin had been blindly searching for something to hang onto. Everything he had known had all changed in the blink of an eye. Including Yukio, himself. Someone he thought would never change on him.

So when Rin finally manage to make some friends, he was beside himself with excitement. He didn't know how to act because of his awkward social skills but he really wanted to try his best.

Then the night of the camping trip had thrown it all in reverse. Rin just wanted to protect his friends and family but he ended up driving them away. Yukio was even colder and the others wouldn't acknowledge his existence half the time. He caused trouble for everyone. Again.

The heavy amount of melancholy that Rin was releasing caused Kuro to twitch in surprise. He had felt the same sadness from his master two days prior but much worse. It had been disgustingly thick and suffocating—dreary and full of despondency and dejection. It was heartbreaking as much as it was worrying. He hadn't known what to do to stop it. He never wanted Rin to ever feel like that again. Kuro stood on his hind legs, leaning his front paws onto Rin's chest.

(Rin?) The telepathic call made Rin look down into the demon's bright eyes. He could feel the bouts of concern and apprehension traveling through the mind link.

"I'm okay…" Rin whispered hoarsely, rubbing Kuro's head and dragging his hand through the soft black fur down Kuro's spine. Yet Kuro still remained uneasy.

(I don't want you to be upset. You're beginning to feel like you did a couple days ago. You were so sad. Please Rin…)

Kuro rubbed against Rin's hands and arms, his twin tails gently coiling around his right wrist as he settled on his back, staring up at Rin from his lap. He took Rin's left hand in his paws and pulled it to rest under his small chin, all the while sending worry and comfort through the mind link.

(Please don't be sad.)

Rin stared at Kuro in surprise before a small smile of appreciation came across his face. "I'll be alright, Kuro." He murmured gently, moving his left hand from the tiny paws and rubbing the small feline-like demon's head, "Don't worry."

Yukio watched the exchange silently. He often saw Rin talking to the familiar as well as the familiar worrying over Rin so this wasn't anything new. However, he saw how down Rin had become from their conversation so he was grateful to Kuro's actions because Yukio wasn't sure how to comfort Rin himself. It was never something he had to do because usually their father was the one who took care of it. He had never seen his brother so vulnerable to his emotions than he had in the last month.

"I know you're trying Rin." Yukio spoke. "I know. But…I don't know how much your efforts will actually pay off. You all had good chemistry so it doesn't seem likely that all of it would have been lost over something like this. They need some time Rin. Finding out that someone you care about isn't who you thought they were, is quite a shock to take in. Especially depending on how big of shock it was in the first place."

Rin's eyes grew wide as he took in Yukio's words. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Yukio stared curiously, watching his brother fish for words as his expression began to change.

"Yeah…I…" Rin stumbled over his words, the gears in his head turning and the thoughts swimming around left him speechless. "I get what you mean." He swallowed, "Yeah totally."

Yukio raised a brow in bemusement. He opened his mouth but before any words could get out, a quiet beeping interrupted him. He lifted his left arm, pushing the sleeve back slightly as he looked at his watch: the source of the beeping.

With a click, Yukio switched off the alarm with a muttered swear. Rin snapped out of his stupor at the sound and watched as Yukio stood from the bed. "Something wrong?" He asked.

"I've got to teach a class soon." Yukio replied distractedly as he adjusted his coat and went over to the desk. He began assorting through some papers and a manila folder sitting atop of his briefcase. 'That wasn't there before.' Rin mused as he watched Yukio gather some things together.

"You have to go teach already? But you just got back. You don't get any time to rest." Rin commented, staring at Yukio with a troubled expression.

"The life of responsibility Rin." Yukio remarked offhandedly as he close his briefcase. "Besides it's alright. I needed to talk to you, I just wish I had timed it all better."

"If you say so." Rin replied, covering a yawn. "Will you be in early? You should really get some rest."

"I don't know. Eat without me if I don't make it." Yukio slipped on his shoes and walked over to the door, briefcase in hand. As he pulled the door open, he paused. "Rin?" Yukio looked back and found Rin sitting on the bed, cross-legged with Kuro in his lap, staring at him questioning eyes.

"Yeah?"

Sighing lightly, Yukio spoke. "Be more careful okay?"

Rin blinked, before nodding slightly. "I will. See you later."

"See you." On that note, Yukio left the room. Rin watched him disappear and the door close slowly behind him until it clicked shut.

Rin exhaled gently, before looking down at Kuro. "I think I'm gonna catch some more z's. You in?"

(Okay~)

Kuro moved off from Rin's lap and Rin crawled under his sheets, lying on his back with his arms tucked behind his head. Kuro moved onto his chest before curling up and the Exwire lifted a hand to rest on his back, scratching it absentmindedly as his mind backtracked to Yukio's earlier words.

'Finding out that someone you care about…'

"But that's…how the hell...why didn't you tell me?!"

"I wanted to raise you as a human. As long as you remained a human that is."

'…isn't who you thought they were…'

"I became an Exorcist two years ago. My training began when I was 7 years old. As I received a Mashou from you on the day I was born, I have been able to see demons for as long as I can remember."

'…is quite a shock to take in.'

'Hell yeah it is.' He thought. Closing his eyes, he now finally understood how the other Exwires must have felt.

They really did need time. Even if they never came to grips with it, or if they did and never wanted to associate with Rin, he could understand that now. But he was going to prove to them that he wasn't dangerous. How could they possibly work as a team if they were afraid of him? Simple: they couldn't. He was going to keep training. He was going to keep working hard to control his flames and would show the others that they have nothing to fear of him. Because he would never hurt them.

A flashback of him hitting Ryuji came to mind.

Well, he wouldn't hurt them with any malicious intent anyway.

For some time, his thoughts continued to float through his mind, before slowly disappearing one by one as the hands of sleep grabbed hold of him and darkness welcomed him in its embrace.

*.*.*

Rin awoke again some time later. He felt lethargic but his body was unable to go back to sleep. A yawn escaped Rin as he pushed himself up into sitting position, wiping the tears that came with it.

Crap, he needed to pee.

With a groan of annoyance, Rin slipped out of bed, taking note that Kuro wasn't anywhere to be seen.

'Did I smother him in my sleep?' The sleepy thought passed through his head as Rin grabbed a pair of sweatpants and slipped them on. He felt hot and sticky and took off his t-shirt only to replace it with another one. God, he needed a shower too.

Muscles achy and head fuzzy, Rin left the dorm room and walked down the hall, cursing the bathrooms for being so far away. As he walked down the dank hall Rin became more aware; shivers shot up his spine as he felt the chilly air of the dormitory.

"Why the hell is it so cold?" Rin muttered as he rubbed his arms. He quickly made his way to the bathroom, nearly drowning in relief when he had manage to relieve himself. After washing his hands, Rin got a look at his reflection for the first time in a couple days.

He cringed.

So this is what Yukio had meant when he said 'awful' then? He touched one of his dark circles, wondering when they had gotten so bad. The blew a breath as he pushed his bangs back, only for them to fall in his face once more.

Maybe he really should take it easy?

Rin turned away from the mirror and left the bathroom. As he walked back to his room, he remembered the words Yukio spoke earlier. "Finding out that someone you care about isn't who you thought they were is a shock…" He murmured softly, "Finding out something like you having Satan's son in your school, let alone in your class, is definitely a shock." He never thought of it that way. Well he did but he never really thought hard about it. But now he could guess how the Exwires felt. Because he knew how it felt to find out that things weren't what they seemed to be.

'Father…Yukio…' Their faces flashed in his mind and he let out a small sigh.

As Rin approached his dorm room, he tried to settle his thoughts. However, the sight of a familiar uniform made him stop. He stared dumbfounded at the blond girl staring at his room door, her hand raised to knock before faltering. As if she couldn't decide on whether or not to knock. After enduring this for mere moments, Rin spoke: his voice laced heavy with confusion.

"Shiemi?"

I am truly sorry for my long absence and the wait of my story, Break Down. Originally I only planned for it to be a one-shot, which is why it took me a while to get back into the cycle. But I've gotten some solid ideas so things should be smooth sailing. This chapter here is the answer to all those people who keep saying, "Where is Yuki?" In my original idea, Yukio was in there but I swapped him out with Shura.