Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter.

I now have an account on Archive of Our Own and I am in the process of copying all my stories to that website, that I plan to continue or that are completed . At present, I plan to continue posting on ff but I will be posting edited versions of chapters here. However, if the situation changes, I may be forced to stop posting here. I'm using the same username so a quick Google search should work.

I did not say this in the first chapter, because my original A/N was already about four pages long, but not every chapter is going to have its own song(s). Some will just go with the overall theme song for the story. Originally, that was going to be the case for this chapter but I got stuck and hated everything I actually wrote. However, iTunes had a sell and I ended up getting Motown number ones. There, I found the classic song that gave me direction.

Inspired by Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.

"Now if there's a smile on my face

It's only there trying to fool the public

But when it comes down to fooling you

Now honey that's quite a different subject"

The chapter title is adapted.

Chapter 3: Tears of a Vulcan

"How can we help?" Those were the words out of Nyota's mouth as soon as Spock walked into the sterile hospital room where his son was waiting. She can see that he is terrified even if he tries to play the big brave Vulcan. She knows better. That stoic face isn't going to fool her. Next to Jim, she is the best at reading Spock and she knows when he is terrified, or any other emotion, for that matter. You can always see it in his eyes. When she sees David hug Spock just as the door closes, she lets out a breath of air she did not know she was holding. Maybe, just maybe this would not turn into the disaster that she was sure it would turn into.

However, to make sure it doesn't become a total disaster, she knows that Spock (and Jim) need her help. She's just not 100% sure how to help. Helping your best friend with the child that suddenly pops into his life because his ex-girlfriend is a manipulative bitch is not covered in command school, or anywhere else for that matter.

"I would ask the same question, but she beat me to it. This has to be hard for the hobgoblin. Even though I despise the cow, it would shake me down to the core to find out that she was dead. Though I think she's a word I'm not allowed to say anymore, she's the mother of my child and I would probably be a drunken blithering idiot by this point, if it were me. Unlike the walking computer, I'm able to acknowledge that without being drugged up. Unfortunately, he's just getting extra Vulcan. I'm willing to listen to your suggestions. I really don't want another visit from Marshall," Leonard told the psychiatrist with a shiver.

Nyota knows that Leonard is right. She was worried about Spock closing down again. It was why she let Jim talk her into telling Spock about David's paternity. Although, maybe her mission to get him drunk Vulcan style was not the most healthy thing to do.

"If it was just what you described, it would be bad, but it's worse than that. Leonard, imagine if your ex just disappeared after you got her pregnant and never told you about your child. Then three years later, she mysteriously pops up in your emergency room after a vicious attack. Not only are you not able to save her, but you discover that she kept the existence of your daughter from you for the last three years. How would you feel?" When explained like that, she can understand why Spock's coping strategy was to hide himself in his bedroom and go into research mode.

"Fuck," the Doctor exclaimed and she gave him a sharp look. "I would probably be punching down the walls. Unfortunately, Spock's reaction is to become a wall."

"You're not allowed to say that word anymore either. Although, it's appropriate under the circumstances," Nyota teased him.

"Not all of us can curse like a sailor in Klingon, Romulan, and Vulcan," Leonard quipped and Dr. Cruz just rolled her eyes. She may have also said something about unresolved sexual tension, but Nyota wasn't familiar with all dialects of ancient Spanish. The psychiatrist tended to go into her native tongue whenever she was annoyed.

"As cliché as it sounds, just being there is a big help. Spock is going to need all of his friends right now. You guys may be the only thing that keeps him from shutting down. That can't happen this time, because there's a little kid in there that needs him." Nyota just nodded her head in agreement.

"Except the big baby has a tendency to push people away whenever he actually has an emotion. I know you read the real report about what happened during the battle of Vulcan," Leonard said with a sigh.

"You mean the fact that he had you knock out his boyfriend because he couldn't deal with him trying to get him to talk about his father's untimely demise. Compared to that, this is already going a lot better. For example, Spock has already acknowledged that he is emotionally compromised, without putting his ex-boyfriend in a coma." If it was anyone else, Nyota would think that the doctor was joking by the way she said that.

"He hasn't kicked Jim out of the room yet, that's progress," Nyota quipped.

"Anything short of running through the halls naked as he carries on a conversation with the walls would be an improvement," the doctor said darkly.

"The medication will hopefully keep 'Marshall' at bay. The most important thing is you need to make sure you don't enable Spock to push you away this time. You have to push back," the psychiatrist advised. "I would say the same thing about Jim but…"

"No one can make Jim Kirk do something he doesn't want to do," Leonard worked out.

"Exactly," Dr. Cruz said. "The other thing is that both Jim and Spock have been thrown into the role of parents without any notice whatsoever under circumstances that would be difficult even if you didn't add in the fact that neither knew of the child's existence 24 hours ago. Spock and Jim are going to need your guidance more than anything else, Leonard. Unlike the rest of us, you have actually raised a small child," Doctor Cruz told Leonard.

"I think the judge that handled my original custody case will disagree with you," Leonard said darkly. The situation with the original 'she who will not be named' is still something that they rarely talk about. Nyota and Leonard were good friends now and their conversation at her birthday party was probably the most that he's really talked about what happened in the last three years.

"Yes, but the new judge and lawyer will completely disagree with the first idiot," Dr. Cruz said with a laugh. The woman rarely laughed and therefore it was not long before a very serious look came across her face.

"That reminds me, we need to contact L. The custody situation on something like this is precarious already, not adding in the fact that the child we rescued is related to someone on board." Nyota tuned out a lot of the legalese after that point. Because her mother decided to kill herself before she turned 18 (just barely), she had the misfortune of dealing with the Federation child welfare system on a very intimate level. Because she doesn't want any child to have to deal with that, she volunteers to handle it. She still had some contacts in Starfleet legal.

"How can we help David?" she asked. Her heart went out to the young boy because they had both lost their mothers. She felt like she had a moral obligation to help, and not just because he was the son of two of her most trusted friends.

"We need to create a stable environment for him. Would you be willing to change rooms? I think it would be good if we could create a space for David that could be his." She knew it was a good suggestion, even if it made her uncomfortable, but she would say yes anyway. She remembered all too well about being forced to live in a new home after everything went psycho. She was just not looking forward to sharing a bathroom with her former roommate and two other people. Also, her new room would be about a quarter of the size but at least she would still have a room to herself.

"Of course, I would be willing to move. You did hear about the incident with the sink at my birthday party?" she said jokingly.

"The whole ship heard about that incident. Therefore, I'm sure you're inclined to have a roommate that won't do that sort of thing," the psychologist said with a gleam that Nyota didn't quite understand.

"I'll do it, this just means I'm going to be spending quality time with my best friend and sharing a bathroom with three other people. Despite the fact that Jim and Spock occasionally used the bathroom for 'private time,' it was nice sharing with two guys who are minimalist when it comes to grooming."

Of course, she doesn't mention the fact that Jim Kirk never quite mastered the art of locking the door and she has walked in on him completely naked taking a regular shower 14 times, she's caught him engaging in 'personal private time' 4 times (all during that month that Spock was on special assignment), and she's caught him with Spock doing things married people do more times than she personally cares to remember. She also is not going to mention the toys that are kept in a nondescript plastic box under the sink. She should probably be a good friend and 'childproof' the bathroom before David can be traumatized any more than he already is.

"Even though technically you're just Second Officer on paper, you're really a first officer. That means that you should take the room next to Leonard." The woman was honestly smirking at that point.

"Yes, but there's that pesky little rule about sharing a suite with people of the same gender. The only reason why that did not apply last time was because my roommates were married and Jim called the regulation something I can't say anymore. I would be sharing a suite with you, if it wasn't for the fact that you're married and in the spouse quarters," she said to the psychiatrist.

Dr. Cruz's husband was a member of Nyota's linguistics team and surprisingly, he was a few years younger than her. Dr. Cruz probably wouldn't even be in Starfleet if she didn't fall in love with a young cadet when she was going through her residency.

"This is Enterprise, we don't follow the rules, especially stupid ones. Besides, if things go well, you two will be in spouse quarters soon." Nyota didn't get to respond to that because they heard the 2 ½-year-old start screaming and crying hysterically. The door opened just in time to see Jim get repeatedly hit with a giant teddy bear.

It just got worse when Jim got called out of the room by their least favorite Admiral, Jackson. David started crying even harder when Jim left, even though he was beating him up with the teddy bear previously. The two doctors were arguing the ethics of sedating the child when she saw Spock touch David's forehead and he instantly calmed down. Dr. Cruz said that it was some sort of Vulcan mental healing technique that Spock was employing. Nyota didn't have the opportunity to see more.

She was called to the bridge just in time to see Jim get in a fight with a wall. The conversation with Jackson had to be bad because she was now acting captain for reasons she's not entirely sure of. Officially, Jim and Spock were on paternity leave for the next few days. She was positive something else was going on, but Jim said she needed plausible deniability. It's never good when he says something like that.

So not only was she now in charge, but she also had to move. Lovely, this just gave her a new reason to hate the wicked bitch. She blames Carol for this disaster.

Spock can count on his hand the number of times that he had been inside his father's mind. It rarely happened and usually involved some time of great distress such as contracting H1N1V when he was six years old. Despite being violently ill, his father's mental presence was soothing. Spock always assumed that his father did not meld with him frequently because he found his mind to be horribly unorganized and human. According to his grandmother, that assumption was highly illogical. Yet, despite her assertions that his father actually loved him, he doubted that to be the case despite having evidence to the contrary.

Now as Spock held his own child in his arms, he thinks that it is impossible not to love your own child. There is no logic in not allowing yourself to love a being that is an extension of you. Despite the circumstances of his conception, he loves David. It is something instinctive and unquantifiable. Notwithstanding his extensive vocabulary, he cannot verbalize his emotions. There are no words to express how he feels. It is overwhelming.

Because of the instant love, he feels sick when he and James try to explain that Carol is dead. David understands death to some degree, but not completely. He screams for Carol and cries out for Rebecca. He feels David's distress and confusion through his touch. Spock is sure that Carol has raised David by human social norms and that he is unaware of the need to suppress his emotions. Spock is not certain if that is a positive thing in this instance. Although, the fact that David decides to attack Jim with his teddy bear leads Spock to believe that maybe a balance between the two approaches is necessary.

Lieutenant Cruz, Doctor Cruz's husband, notifies Jim that Admiral Jackson desires to speak with him immediately. When the name is said, Spock feels a spike of fear from David. Although, David could be scared because Jim utilized several words that should not be spoken in front of a small child. When Jim leaves the room, David becomes more violent and Spock is not sure how to respond.

Parental instincts take over and he is inside of the toddler's mind. It's sterile and dark. It reminds Spock of a research lab. He wonders what type of life his child lived where his mind resembled a lab. Even as a child, Spock's mind resembled that of his mother's Rose Garden (now it resembles the bedroom of the townhouse where he and James first lived together, down to Jim's dirty T-shirts being everywhere).

There are screens on the walls playing images. There were happy moments such as David playing with his aunt Becky. He could also see images of Carol arguing with Jackson. There was no sound but body language conveyed that this was not a pleasant conversation. Spock is very concerned about what he sees, but this is not the purpose of this venture into his son's subconscious. He needs to find the broken bonds because he is sure that is the major cause of David's distress.

He projects emotions of love and peace. Spock tells David that he is safe and that no one can get him. He knows that it is irrational to pledge something like that but it is something he needs to convey to his child.

He wanders the lab until he finds another room. Spock opens the door to find his own bond with David. It is a strong cord covered with a substance that resembles glitter. For a new bond, it is very healthy. There is a smaller one next to it, yet equally strong. He recognizes the signature as belonging to James. He is surprised that a parental bond is forming. It's not unheard of for an adoptive parent to form such a bond with their Vulcan children. He knew that his mother has a parental bond with her youngest daughter, but it did not occur spontaneously but rather under the guidance of the family matriarch, and then most mind Healers were shocked that a human was able to have such a bond.

Spock left the healthy bonds alone and searched for what would most likely be the broken remains of David's bond with Carol. He finds it in just a few minutes. The bond is broken and ripped apart. It lies in tatters. He was not skilled enough to repair the damage completely. This was one of those skills that he missed out on by choosing an earth-based education and his grandmother has had very little time to improve his skills in this area. However, he was at the point where he could at least lessen David's psychic pain. At that moment, Spock was quite thankful that Carol took actions to make sure David did not see what actually occurred. The pain would be much worse.

He came out of David's mind after what seemed like mere minutes, mentally exhausted, after he did everything he could for his son. The clock on the wall told him it was 2.3 hours later. Jim was sitting in the chair next to him in a state between sleep and wakefulness. At that point Jim has been awake for 28.3 hours and Spock is not surprised by this behavior.

"You're back! I thought I was going to have to go in after you," Jim said with genuine worry, as he kissed Spock's cheek.

"I am fine," he said, unsure of what else to say. No other response would be truthful because he was anything but optimal. Also, Spock did not want to say he was emotionally overwhelmed because that would require him to specifically discuss his emotions and he was not able to do that at this time, even with James.

"Okay, now you really have me worried. You hate that word. Marshall's not back, is he?" Why does everyone keep asking him that ridiculous question?

"I am not sure if there is another way to express that I am not completely adequate but you should not worry about this, without using that particular descriptor. No, Marshall is not back," Spock explained.

"Okay, we will go with fine. How is mini Spock?" James asked with genuine concern as he ran a hand through David's hair. He probably should warn Jim not to do that but young David most likely needed the physical contact.

"I'm not sure that I like that nickname for our child." He says the word 'our' absently, but when he sees a smile on Jim's face he feels relief. Of course, the bandages on James' hand has Spock very worried.

"What happened to your hand?" Spock asked running his fingers over Jim's damaged hand.

"Jackson was a pr-his usual self and I may have taken it out on a poor unsuspecting wall. Jackson is using the fact that your ex-girlfriend was murdered to keep us from investigating. Thankfully, I was smart enough to take you off the investigation immediately and I have decided to take his order about me not investigating quite literally. I don't want to talk about it." There is something that Jim was not telling him, but he is too mentally exhausted to push.

"Why has the doctor not yet repaired your damaged hand?" Spock asked, referencing the bandages.

"I've been a little too obsessed over you. You were in there a while. I can only imagine how much a woman like David's egg donor could screw with a kids mind." Again he is too mentally exhausted to address the specifics of what James has just said. Spock is concerned about the egg donor reference, but does not have the will to question it.

"He is better," Spock tells his husband with a certain level of uncertainty, but he does not voice it.

"I hope he will no longer be throwing teddy bears at me. Does he blame me for what happened?" This question worries Spock. This was the type of question he asked himself in the aftermath of Vulcan's destruction. Yet, Spock was starting to ask himself this question again.

"It is impossible for him to attack you with a teddy bear again because he is asleep now. How can David blame you for his mother's death when you were not directly responsible for it?" he asked James this question, but his husband looked away.

"It's obvious that he's asleep now," Jim said avoiding Spock's question.

"According to the Idiots Guide to Parenting, that your therapist asked me to read, the first rule of being a new parent is you're supposed to sleep whenever your kid is asleep. Now, normally that rule just applies to newborns, but I think it can be applicable to toddlers that have had their entire lives turned upside down in less than 24 hours. You need sleep." Jim's words were more of an order than a suggestion.

"This chair is an adequate place for rest. Due to my Vulcan physiology, I do not need as much sleep. However, I feel it is advantageous for you to return to our quarters," Spock suggested.

"You're really not going to try the 'I am a superstrong Vulcan and therefore I don't need any sleep, even though I have been up for 30 hours and had to deal with finding out I have a child from a woman whose body I also discovered today'? That doesn't work on me and it never has. I'm not leaving you here," Jim said with an expression that Spock knew not to argue with.

"I feel that it would be best for you to leave. However, I realize it is impossible to make you do something that you do not wish to do," Spock said in defeat.

"Good, and it only took you about three years to figure that out. I also knew that you wouldn't leave, so I sweet talked Margarita into ordering Bones to bring another bed in here, but were going to have to share." Because Spock craved being close to James, he did not find this a hardship.

"That is acceptable," Spock said, getting up from the chair.

"I promise I will share the blankets. Also, your supercool therapist brought us hot chocolate," Jim said, pointing to the food and drinks on a small table nearby.

"My psychologist is encouraging inebriation?" Spock asked.

"Just drink the cocoa and enjoy the blanket," Jim said as he pushed Spock onto the bed. Several minutes later, when James was finally asleep in his arms he allowed his eyes and cheeks to become moist.

To be continued