Chapter 16: The Destruction of and Innocent Heart

From the Journal of Bobby Winchester

I stared at Ethan, "You…..you took them where?" I was breathless. His little face was dark and serious. I could still hope that he was wrong, but he wasn't lying. I looked up at Crowley with a stricken face. His brow was furrowed

"Back in time." Tears were pouring down his face, his entire body was shaking. His hands hung limply by his sides. I looked up at Crowley, his eyebrows were raised, mouth open very slightly.

Ethan raised his head and looked at Crowley and the poor boy broke, he let out an animalistic howl and threw himself into my arms, shrieking. "I'm sorry, Bobby, I'm sorry. I di-din't mean to."

Crowley, a sneer cutting across his face, barked at him, "Who gives a damn if you didn't mean to, you little cretin, do you have any idea what you've done, you pint sized worm?!" His voice grew in volume as he spoke until he was nearly yelling, face screwed up and turning red.

Ethan's tears redoubled and he cuddled into my chest. I pulled him tight against me. I stood, lifting him up. I turned, and tucked his head onto my shoulder, shielding him from Crowley. I snapped over my shoulder, "Don't you yell at him!" I had felt a sudden rush of protectiveness for my boy. I had fed and clothed and kept him, he was a dead man without me, he was my boy.

Crowley looked taken aback and infuriated. "Me?" He shouted, pointing at himself, "don't yell at him?" His voice was incredulous and filled with fury, "I AM THE KING OF HELL I WILL YELL AT WHOM I PL-"

I hissed at him in a restrained voice, "I don't care what you are, I don't care if you're Castiel or God or the King of Nothing. Nobody. Yells. At. Him." I stroked Ethan's hair. It was so much softer than it had been, he was just starting to really get healthy. I carried him over to the couch and I set him down. Crowley didn't follow us. I brushed his hair back tenderly and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Eth, I know you didn't mean to, you didn't have a choice, they had you chained in a dungeon. How could you have done anything else."

He sniffled and blinked at me through his glasses, "You…you aren't mad?"

I smiled at him and touched his face, "I could never be mad at you, sweetie." My little thing, pulled from the fire. Crowley's reemergence had quelled the panic that had overtaken me for the last weeks. Without its distraction, the warmth of the boy was so much more severe. Somewhere behind me Crowley made an indignant noise. I continued in my soft tone, "But it's really important. Can you tell me what you meant? How did you take them back in time? What did you do?"

"I'm Ethan Snider."

I looked at him nonplussed, "I'm going to need a little more."

"My mother named me after my father. It was the name she knew him by…but it wasn't his real name."

Crowley had walked over, he was uncharacteristically quiet.

Ethan trembled. I stroked his hair again, "What was his name, Ethan?"

Ethan looked up at me, his eyes were so big and so brown and so sweet. "Chronos."

I jerked back. Crowley swore.

Crowley pulled me to my feet, "Bobby we need-"

But he never got that change to tell me what we needed to do, he was cut off by a colossal rumbling bang. We both twisted around. I thought I might have been dying. My body shuddered underneath me. "Crowley," I whispered and a trembling voice, "They're here."

Crowley shoved me roughly toward the door on the other end of the room, "Go!" he shouted, his voice gravely and frightened.

"But-" I started, "They can't get in! This is the bunker. It's impenetrable." I could hear them inside, but I couldn't make myself understand.

He pushed me harder, I was clinging to Ethan, "Darling, so was Bobby Singer's panic room they were using as a lounge." I pulled Ethan tight to my and fled from the room. His hands were clawed in to my back, his head crushed against my shoulder. Crowley fled after us, slamming shut the doors to the library. I lead us down the deepening corridors, Crowley tight on my heels. I could feel the fear burning off of him. I slid down next to a grate that I knew well. I slid it open and pulled Ethan off me.

"Crawl in, it's an escape hatch, you next, Crow."

"You go, Bobs." He growled.

I smirked up at him, despite the situation, "Now is a pretty stupid time to get all chivalrous, King."

He pulled a face and started to crawl in, as he was getting his shoulders passed the entrance he muttered, "Don't kid yourself, kitten, I just wanted to get a good look."

I shouldered him to move faster through the hatch and followed him through, pulling the door closed behind me. I was a little overcome with how ridiculous we looked. Ethan, reservations destroyed by terror had curled himself into Crowley's lap the second he stopped moving, Crowley was sitting, head bent sideways so he could sit up straight, looking surprised and aggravated that there was a child on his lap. Hair fuzzy from crawling through the small gap.

I pushed passed them, "Come on," I hissed. They followed me up a passage on all fours until the escape hatch opened up some. They followed me quietly until we came to my old nest, books, snacks and pillows untouched, if a bit dusty. I settled Ethan snuggly into the pillows.

"Crowley, what are we going to do?"

He looked at me seriously, a darkness creeping into his eyes. "We can't let them take him, Bobs."

"Well..yeah."

"Did you inherit your father's think skull?" he hissed, "He might have already destroyed everything, who knows how far he took them back. Who knows how much he has already destroyed?"

Ethan cut in, he seemed to have reined in his tears, "Not very far…I'm not like my dad…I can't just jump around…I just…I mean…it hurt a lot to take them back. I don't know though."

Crowley looked at me very seriously, "Bobby, if they get back before your dad killed Chronos, they could get anywhere, you wanted people to save, you've got the entire history of the world."

That hit me like a blow. They could be doing it right now. Murdering everyone. Everyone who had ever lived. My body felt cold.

"How would we do anything about that, Crowley," I whimpered. I thought I could feel where this was heading, and I was afraid. More afraid than I was of the Hellions lurking just below. "We have to go back farther than ANY of the other Hellions in order to even do anything."

"You can." Ethan's voice was small and scared and sure. This jarred me, I had expected Crowley's rough grumble. "I'm healthier than I ever was for them. If I gave you everything you could go back. Farther than I got any of them. You could save everybody, Bobby. You could."

His eyes were shining with fear and pride, I thought. I seized up, "What do you mean, give me everything?" I asked in less than a whisper. He looked so little, curled up in clothes too big for him, still too scrawny, wearing a man's glasses that magnified his wide eyes. Tucked into pillows. His hair was uneven. It needed to be cut. I should have cut his hair. What had I been doing? He was my responsibility. I was supposed to be looking after him. He was mine.

Crowley was quiet, looking between the two of us. Ethan spoke in a steady voice, "Time pulses as I do."

"What?!" I asked desperately, too afraid to parse riddles.

"It's my heart, Bobby, it has everything you need."

I shook my head, "No. No. We aren't doing it." My voice broke as I said it. I was crumbling. "Crowley, we aren't doing it."

"Darling-" he said in an exasperated voice. I looked at him, my shuddered eyes, beginning to fill with tears, met his and held him. His furrowed brow softened, "Of course not. Do you know a way out of here?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Follow –" I turned to lead them to the first of four exits to the world. The metal below me fell away with a screech. We dropped to the ground, falling more than ten feet onto the hard ground below. I felt my wrist crack as I hit the ground. The Hellions were above us, three of them, wings stretched broad, teeth clicking. I dove, rolling so my body was covering Ethan's. Crowley was already on his feet, he had pushed himself between Ethan and I and the Hellions.

He growled over his shoulder at me, all traces of empathy gone, "You have to kill him, Bobby." But I was not out of tricks. I had grown up here and was not about to murder this brown eyed boy. I shifted my body and kicked the wall hard, a panel fell through, revealing a shaft that dropped straight down. I shoved Ethan through then dropped through myself, shouting at Crowley to follow.

He did, quicker than I would have imagined, and he ended up squashed on top of me at the bottom of the shaft. We had dropped straight down into the deepest part of the bunker, the dungeon. I dragged myself out from under Crowley. That last drop had sent lances of pain up my arm.

"They'll have to go the long way, they can't get through that little shaft with their wings. We've got maybe a minute."

Crowley looked at me, "We have to-"

Ethan interrupted him, "You have to kill me." He had a knife he had pulled from my boot while I was getting my bearings pressed up against his throat, "If you don't, I'm gonna," his voice shook, "But if you do…you can save people. Bobby," a single sob crackled out of his throat, "Please."

I shuddered and nodded, not looking away from him. "Okay. Okay." I stifled my own throbbing tears, "Okay."

Crowley put his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off, "What do I have to do?"

Ethan bit his lip and shivered, his eyes were so big in those glasses. I had wanted to get him real clothing. Why hadn't I? What had been so important? I was supposed to take care of him. I was about the kill my little boy. I wondered what my father would think of me. "You have to eat it."

The ground pulled me down toward it in another fierce tug. I tried to remain upright. "What – Ethan – I can't." I couldn't. I couldn't do this.

"You have to eat my heart."

I couldn't. "Crowley, I can't. I can't. You should go."

He looked at me, "What?"

I crushed my tears, "You might have to live a hundred years fighting those things, I won't even live that long. It should be you."

He furrowed his brow and looked odd, "He's a god, who knows what you'll when you're done, it should be you. Cutting out a heart and eating it will take time. You should get started."

I shook my head and gave him the knife. He reached out his hand slowly, fingers tremblingly touching the knife's hilt, like he couldn't quite believe what was happening. The door crashed off of its hinges.

Crowley's back had been to the door, he swung around, making a barrier between us and them. "Sorry, Bobs, get busy." He growled.

I tightened my fingers on the knife and looked at Ethan, "I wanted to protect you." I whispered, pushing him down to the ground. He unbuttoned his shirt. It was so big for him. He was still so small, I was supposed to make him healthier, he had gained so much weight, I had been so proud. I had made markings on the door of his height. There were supposed to be so many more. I pushed the knife against his sternum.

He looked up at me. His eyes were the biggest, softest things. "Bye, Bobby."

I could barely keep my body doing what it was told, "Bye, Ethan, I love you so much."

He smiled a serious little smile, "Me too."

I shoved the knife down. I felt it push through his sternum, the little soldier, he tried so hard, he made it more than a second without screaming. It tore me apart. I cleaved him open, he wasn't dead, his blood was so hot on my hands. I couldn't breathe. I pushed my fingers around his protruding bone and wrenched it apart. It cracked open. His voice rent the dungeon then stilled. This was easier and so much harder. I cut free his heart and pulled it from its cavity. Finally he was gone. He was gone. My whole body shook. My boy. My boy. My boy. "CROWLEY I"VE GOT IT JUST RUN!"

I started shoving it into my mouth. I gagged, it was so hot. I crammed it down my throat, bile rising in waves. I would never forget how I felt. And, probably a few moments from death, with the body of my poor little boy in front of me and the impending destruction of my only friend behind me, I thought of my father, watching me sit in a pool of the blood of an innocent child, a heart between my teeth. Can you be a Hunter if you're a monster?

I glanced over my shoulder. I wanted to make sure Crowley at least got to the door. But he was hemmed in, cornered against the dungeon wall. I felt a tugging at the things inside of me. An inexorable pull. I stood, almost slipping off the ground with the pounding tug that bruised at me. I thought if I could get to him. Could I bring him with me? I stepped toward him. The pull intensified, I resisted. I felt my ribs crack. I took another step, reaching out my hand. "CROW!" I shouted, my voice echoed.

He spun around the Hellion nearest him and stretched out an arm. I slipped, I couldn't hold myself anymore and I fell away from that dungeon, that bunker, that time. Crowley clutched my bloody fingers.

AN: Sorry about the tediously long wait on this one! I had boring real world things that dragged me away from warm soft fanfiction writing. But I am glad you have all made it so far into my madness!

Until next time.