I do not own any of the characters or the Hobbit (just the AU storyline and my OC) those are the work of the esteemed and brilliant John Ronald Reull Tolkien, and without his genius,this and many other fan fics would not be in existence.

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Warning-there are continuations of thoughts regarding suicide in this chapter. Please be forewarned.

Fili's eyes widened, fear within the blue orbs as his face paled, despite the overwhelming pain threatening to knock him unconscious again.

Thorin knows…

Dwarves believed that, when they died, their spirits would go to a special hall reserved for them in the Halls of Mandos requested at Mahal's bidding. And, at the end of the world, they would be awakened in bodies identical to their old ones to aid in the rebuilding of Arda.

But, should a dwarf take his own life, his spirit would be barred from those halls forever, and would be left to travel to the place where evil men's souls went after death, never to be granted life again. Therefore, suicide among dwarves was extremely rare, and brought overwhelming shame to one's surviving family.

Fili wanted to die. He felt that, if it were by the hand of another, his passage to the Halls of Mandos would not be barred. Kili was gone, and there was nothing left for him. His brother had been his other half, the two inseparable from the moment young Kili was old enough to leave his mother's arms and follow after his elder brother. He was his best friend, his confidant, and despite the 5 years between them, the two could have been twins with how close their bond was. He couldn't even remember life before Kili, for 5 years was little between dwarves-only two and a half years in human years. It had always been Fili and Kili. He had lost more than his brother-he had lost half of his very soul.

He had also lost another friend that night, for though in his nightmare Cirashala's essence had spoken his own fears and insecurities, he knew that she wasn't really to blame for Kili's death. She had tried to save Kili, just like she had on the plain outside Rivendell. He still didn't know what had possessed her to do it then, but felt he knew now. Kili had shown her nothing but kindness since the moment he laid eyes on her in the troll cave. She had obviously been through something horrible, her family's death notwithstanding.

Fili wasn't stupid, though he didn't vocalize his thoughts on her appearance when they found her to Kili, out of fear of his younger brother's temper and recklessness. He, while still quite unknowledgeable about the world outside of Ered Luin, was not so naïve as his younger brother. The young prince had heard plenty about what happened to unguarded women in the wild, having been witness to the return of a woman in a human village near Ered Luin after an attack when he was with Thorin on business, and the actions that followed against the men responsible. Cirashala had obviously been attacked in the same way, and likely by bandits, given her ragged attire and missing dress and shoes.

Kili had been her protector right from the start, carrying her out of the cave when he saw her injured feet, shielding her slightly from Thorin's irritation, and carrying her on the plain when her feet could no longer support her. Kili had been just as shocked and devastated as Fili and Thorin when she had jumped in front of the warg, taking the bite meant for his own throat. Kili had been in shock, and yet still risked his uncle-his idol's-wrath to keep her safe, riding with the elves to Rivendell, though Fili knew that his brother had a great fear of horses.

He had earned her friendship and loyalty- it had been very clear as she had spoken up in Goblin town, taking the beating that should have rightfully been his little brother's. Fili suspected she didn't know that Kili was in fact the youngest, and not Ori, given that the great goblin was too stupid to deduce as much, and pointed at the wrong dwarf in his ignorance. But that just pointed to her overall character. She was willing to fight and protect her friends at all costs-something Fili greatly admired. He didn't carry a torch for her like he suspected his brother did, but she had earned Fili's friendship and loyalty as well.

Now she was dead too. Who else did he have? His uncle? Thorin should have grabbed her ankle. He should have accepted her inclusion into the group, especially after she saved Kili's life. The young dwarf's anger grew as he remembered Thorin's hostility towards her during their travels between Rivendell and Goblintown, and how she took it even though it was clear in her gaze that he had angered her on occasion. She had sworn loyalty to him, and had been unfailing in that loyalty, at least as far as Fili knew.

As he looked up at his worried uncle, his fear gave way to anger.

XXX

Thorin started as Fili's eyes narrowed, and the young dwarf cast him a dark glare.

"Let go of me," he growled, teeth clenched together against the pain. Thorin's eyes widened in shock as his jaw dropped.

"Fili?" the dwarf king asked slowly. "What's wr—" The young prince cut him off.

"Let go of me!" the young dwarf shouted, attempting to bring his injured arm up to push Thorin away. The young dwarf was barely able to lift the limb, and let out a ragged scream as the movement shot excruciating pain through him. Oin and Dwalin attempted to hold him down as he struggled, but ceased as a panicked shout sounded above the screaming, which had increased in volume.

"Don't touch him!"

Fourteen pairs of eyes turned toward the hobbit, who was watching the writhing Fili with wide eyes.

"Can't you see?" Bilbo cried, gesturing toward the young dwarf. "You're hurting him!"

"Bilbo is right," Gandalf said, pushing through the crowd of dwarves to kneel beside the young prince. "His arm was nearly severed. You will injure him worse if you fight against him!" Oin and Dwalin's eyes widened, and they immediately released the young dwarf.

Fili continued to arch his back as his blood curdling screams continued for a moment, Kili's name being the only thing they could make out amongst the slurred words, before the young dwarf mercifully passed out from the pain. His injured body went limp on the pile of furs, though he still drew breath, beads of sweat again on his brow. Gandalf passed his hand over it, whispering quiet words of healing and peace, before turning toward Thorin, a very serious expression in his clear blue eyes.

"He cannot be moved for at least two days. If you attempt it, he could die."

XXX

Cirashala was picking the last of the berries she could reach from her spot, when she heard the unmistakable sound of harsh coughing through the trees.

Looking up, she tried to peer out of the thicket, but it was too dense. She glanced down at the pile of raspberries in her lap, then at the ground. She certainly didn't want to waste what little food they had, given Kili's reaction to the stag earlier, nor did she wish to violate the young prince's privacy-again.

Her cheeks colored somewhat in embarrassment at the memory of having caught the young dwarf bathing a few nights past, and she pushed it out of her mind quickly. The memory of being attacked by the orcs after that incident came up after, and she remembered the lecture she had gotten from both Balin and Kili about not going off by herself again.

He didn't sound very good, she thought to herself, before remembering the day before, and pulling him out of the filthy river. He might still have a bit of water in his lungs.

She knew from Tolkien's works that dwarves rarely took ill, and though something in her argued that the coughing she heard was an unmistakable indication of illness, she dismissed it.

He's a dwarf, she reminded herself. I have to remember that.

It was easy to forget, since she could look Kili in the eye, her mind being used to the idea that dwarves are much shorter than humans. But either she was exceptionally short for a human, at only five foot and a half inch, or Kili was unusually tall for a dwarf, him also being five feet tall. She had a feeling it was probably a bit of both.

She wondered if she should go after him like Balin had gone after her, keeping her eyes averted and staying a respectable distance away, but remaining close enough that she could aid him if necessary. She knew that she wouldn't be of much aid to him in her condition, and he had their only weapon already.

But before she could make up her mind, the young woman heard heavy footsteps approach the thicket.

XXX

Kili got down to the ground to crawl in the thicket, collapsing more than anything as he did so as he sucked in a shaky breath.

I-I have to hide it, he thought to himself. I-if she finds out….

"Kili?" Cirashala asked as he crawled through the hole, a concerned expression on her face. "Are you all right?"

The young dwarf looked up at her and nodded, trying to keep his expression neutral. His eyes didn't quite meet hers, the embarrassment of earlier still fresh in his mind, and sat down in the tiny clearing. He was so busy shuffling around as best he could, while trying to hide the pain, that he startled slightly when a handful of raspberries were dumped in his lap.

The young prince looked up in slight surprise as Cirashala proceeded to dump several more handfuls in her lap, until just a small amount remained in her own. She began to eat, and Kili could tell that it took conscious effort for her to eat them slowly and not stuff them in her face.

Reaching down to grab a large handful of berries from his lap, he dumped them back in hers.

"Eat," he commanded, and she looked up at him in surprise.

"You eat a lot more than I do," she replied, and the young prince shook his head.

"You barely have any in yours," he said, gesturing toward her lap. She looked down, sighing, but didn't respond. Kili noticed she didn't make any move toward the juicy berries, and sighed in frustration.

Frowning, he reached up with his right and began to pick the clusters of berries out of her limited reach, dumping a generous portion into her lap, as well as adding some to his own.

"You need to keep up your strength too," he said quietly, and began to eat. The young woman hesitated, before picking up some berries as well.

The two ate in silence, relieved that they at least wouldn't go hungry-this time.

XXX

As soon as they were done, their hands stained red from the meager meal, Kili looked up at Cirashala.

"We need to keep moving," he said, "Azog and his pack are still out there. We need to put as much distance between us and them as we can." Cirashala nodded in agreement, and followed the young dwarf out of the thicket.

Once they were out, Kili looked down at the polished wood, swallowing heavily. He made to put it on his arm, for ease of carrying, but found he could not do it. This shield was his uncle's- earned in heroic battle. The fact that Azog yet lived didn't lessen Kili's respect for Thorin's determination or courage, despite his uncle's insistence on the great orc being dead all these years.

In fact, Kili admired the fact that Thorin had been able to deal such a devastating blow on his opponent, having seen that the hook inserted in Azog's arm had been the only thing preventing the pale orc from bleeding to death. Having seen the pale orc's sheer size for himself, he wondered at how Thorin had managed to find the courage to fight him alone.

No, he could not wear the shield, not even to carry it. Not until he had earned it.

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