Dean falls into the river with Castiel. The kiss was like fire, scorching through Dean's body. It feels good. It feelsright and as they were suspended above the river that flows through Hell's second Circle Dean wonders why has he not done it before. Liquid magma runs through his veins, assaulting his senses as the river envelopes them. It was hot, boiling against the coolness of the second Circle.
The warmth is comforting. When Dean laid his lips upon him, Castiel returns the kiss without a thought. He is falling. Falling for his righteous man and this is wrong, because Dean would never feel this way for Castiel, the lost, fallen Angel. Castiel is not worthy of his affections, so he kisses Dean with desperation, wanting to show him just how much Castiel needs him. He concludes that the river must be doing this to them.
A river of tears, parallel to the rivers of Eden. Tears from broken hearts and unfulfilled desires, Castiel recognizes. The river is warm, burning but not scorching. He allows himself to fall, but Dean cannot fall with him. He is too pure, and Castiel is too broken. He pours all he has into this kiss, one last good memory to keep and cherish for himself. Dean would surely be disgusted by this- by him. He pushes Dean up, dully noticing Balthazar's hands grabbing onto him. His brother will be able to take Dean to the Cage. Castiel is extra baggage here. He is so tired. Castiel realizes. No use to Dean this way. No use to Heaven or anyone else this way. The water covers him as he drifts down. Balthazar shouts at him from above, voice dulled by the river. Dean will be a better man without him. Castiel lets himself fall into oblivion.
Dean opens his eyes at the first touch of coldness to Balthazar and the Demon staring down at him grimly.
"Cas?" He croaks out, pushing himself up from the freezing ground, looking around for the trenchcoated Angel he just kissed. Oh, shit. He just kissed Cas. He just made out with Cas. His Angel. And he kissed back and that thought should not make Dean feel all giddy on the inside but it does. It felt warm, and right, and Dean really don't know what he did to deserve the affection he felt from Castiel. He looks around.
"Cas?" The Angel seems to have vanished. Shit. Where is he? What if he is disgusted by Dean's actions? But he did kiss back, didn't he.
"Cassie didn't make it, kiddo." Balthazar pats his back, chewing on his bottom lip. He wants, desperately to warn Dean to stay away from Castiel, but the broken up look on the human's face tells him to stay quiet. Castiel always fall to hard. All at once and he just wants to protect his little brother, but he fails even at that.
"Oh." Dean stands numbly, walks with the remaining Angel and the Demon, the cold air not so cold compared to the icy pit in his stomach. He refuses to believe that Castiel is gone. Confused, jumbled memories tells him otherwise. Castiel kissing him, lips cool against the warm liquid. Castiel holding onto him. Castiel letting go, pushing Dean up to the ground. He should have held on, tried harder, Dean thought. It was his fault that Cas let go. Why did he let go? The thought hurt, and his chest aches.
Dean growls, clutching at his knife, knuckles white. The coldness slides pass his skin and sinks into his muscles and bones, curling up in every part of his body. His soul hurts at the prospect of Cas being gone. Dean just cannot fathom why Cas let go. Maybe it's because Dean is a Winchester, and everything, everyone good that Dean gets attached to eventually leaves or dies or disappears. Castiel is too good for him, and now he is gone, too. And the blame rests fairly and squarely on Dean.
"You have to go on your own." The Demon taps Dean's shoulder. "Fraid I can't take you down further."
"Why?" Dean asks, voice dry and rough, not letting his hurt and heartbreak slip through.
"You have to find your own way." Balthazar tells Dean, handing him his Angel sword. "I've got another. The only way down from here is warded from Angels and Demons."
"It's a secret passage." Belial shifts away from Dean, casting wary glances at the knife he holds. "I discovered it by accident. I think it leads straight to the cage, but-" He waves a hand helplessly at the sigils that covers the doorway.
Dean nods, turning his back on the Angel and the Demon. He steps into the entrance, eyes hard. He is a man with a mission. Find Sam. Find Cas. Piece his family back together again. They deserve better than to be poisoned by Dean's curse. They deserve far better than what he has to give.
Castiel finds himself drifting downwards, losing himself to the flow of warmth around him. It was almost enough to fill in the gaping hole in his chest that Dean left. He wants to curse Dean for changing him in ways he did not know could be changed.
Castiel is eternal, Dean is supposed to be a merely a blip in his long life. Instead, Dean became everything for Castiel. He is too bright, like the sun, yet Castiel could not look away, could not bring himself to look away even as he burned. Castiel breated in the smokes of hell as he washes up on the river bank. Hell is not just neat levels, circles.
Hell is even more layered and puzzling than Heaven. And although Castiel has been careful, Dean's kiss stripped away even his barest sense of self defense. Dean makes him weak, and Castiel will gladly fall to his knees for him.
"Hello, little Angel." A voice above him calls, the stench of sulfur strong and overwhelming.
"Crowley."