Merry Christmas everyone! I hope that you are enjoying the holidays!
This story, is a special one. It is based on the very well known tale of Charles Dickens and my personal favorite, "A Christmas Carol". I bet most of you are familiar with the plot. This one shot is based on it and obviously, the things that happen there would never happen in real life. I tried really hard to not make it stupid or a bad copy of the original. I really hope that you'll enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope that you won't find it stupid or think "What are we, 5 year olds?" It's Christmas after all... ;)
Disclaimer: i do not own Law & Order SVU or Charles Dickens's "A Christmas Carol"
Olivia Benson disliked Christmas with a passion. She would roll her eyes seeing the decorated shop windows, groan hearing the carols, and give the evil eye to any of her coworkers, who would suggest, something as tremendous as, joining them on the precinct's annual Christmas party.
And this year was obviously no exception. So when, on Christmas Eve, at 6 pm, Cragen stuck his head out of his office and stared at the empty precinct, only to find Olivia still on her desk, her eyes glued on the screen of her computer, he let out a sigh.
"Liv, go home. There's no reason for you to still be here today at this time…"
"Like there's a reason for me to be home." She mumbled, her eyes still glued at the screen of her computer.
"Liv, go home. It's an order." Cragen said again, sternly but also gently.
It was Olivia's turn to let out a sigh. She slowly rose from her chair, put on her coat and walked past her Captain and towards the exit of the squad room.
"And Liv" Cragen said, before she was completely out of his eyesight. "Merry Christmas."
She let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, sure" she mumbled without even bothering to turn and face him.
Just as she was exiting the building, her phone rang. She took it out of her pocket and huffed when she saw Casey's name flashing on the screen.
"Hello? Thanks Casey but I'm not really in the mood… Yes I know that it's Christmas Eve but I'm very tired and all I want is to go home and take a long hot bath…I'm sure you'll have fun without me Case… Listen I gotta go, yeah… Merry Christmas to you too." She hung up and sighed as she went on walking down the street.
As she kept passing by lighted and decorated shops and people chatting happily about their Christmas plans, she couldn't help but feel a little pissed. Christmas was nothing more than a totally commercialized and materialistic holiday and she couldn't understand why people were so hype about it.
Even Elliot. He had suggested to her, to spend Christmas Eve together since his kids were spending it with their mother and he didn't have any special plans about it. But she had turned him down. She'd rather spend that day alone, because to her, Christmas Eve was just another day. Elliot insisted, Olivia got pissed and they ended up fighting.
After a long walk on the cold streets, she opened the door of her apartment. She quickly made her way into her bedroom, tossed her clothes on the bed and went into the bathroom to run the much-needed hot bath.
After soaking for almost an hour on the bathtub, she got out, dried herself, got into her pyjamas and made her way back to the living room, where she laid on the sofa, wrapped with a blanket.
And that's how she intended to spend her Christmas Eve. Watching cheesy movies and maybe eating some take-out.
But after a while, she felt her eyes heavy and she drifted off.
She opened them after what it seemed to her, only a minute, but when she looked at her watch, she saw that it was midnight.
Suddenly, she felt something moving across the room and she sat immediately up, fully awake now. Her eyes fell on a lighted figure that it was moving towards her, illuminating the whole room. She was wearing a long white dress, just like the ones Olivia remembered her in, when she was little. Even though she had this unearthly glow, she seemed so real, so… human. Olivia stood frozen watching, as slowly, her mother came into view, smiling at her.
"Livvy honey, I missed you so much." She said standing now beside her daughter.
"Mom? This can't be real, I am obviously dreaming…" Olivia said in disbelief.
"Olivia you are not dreaming but you have to listen carefully, because I don't have much time." Her mother said with a worried look.
Olivia just stared at her mother, thinking that since that was obviously a dream, it wouldn't hurt to listen. Also, she admitted to herself, that she had missed her mother so it was nice to have her for some minutes, even like that.
"You let your life become empty Olivia. This is mostly my fault and I'm paying for it, I will be paying it forever. But you still have time, you still have a chance to change some things Livvy. You have to give yourself the chance I did not give to myself, I did not give to you…" Serena said and raised her hand to caress Olivia's cheek.
"Mom… I like my life, I chose it…" she said defensively. Serena gave her a sad smile.
" Take the chance Olivia, you deserve it. Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits. They will help you see and understand, they'll help you be happier, because you deserve it sweetheart."
"Mom, what are you talking about? What spirits?" Olivia asked, her eyes opening wide. "There's no such thing as…" she went on saying but then her mother moved closer and cupped Olivia's face with both hands.
"Take the chance Olivia" she said, her voice sounding suddenly distant. And then, just like that, her already lighted figure lit up even more to the point that Olivia had to close her eyes to bare it. When she opened them again, she was alone in her barely lighten living room.
"A dream. It was just a dream." She mumbled, trying to sound and feel sure. She laid back on the couch and with the tv playing silently on the background, she drifted off once again.
She woke some time later with a strange feeling. She looked at her watch and saw that it was 1 a.m. She stretched a bit, trying to shake the feeling away but then she saw it. A small figure moving towards her. For some reason, she didn't stir, she didn't feel fear, it felt as if she was expecting this to happen and yet she had never felt so strange in her life.
When the creature came closer, Olivia realized that it was a young girl that had long blonde curls and blue eyes. She was wearing a long white dress. The girl looked up and smiled to Olivia who was still out of words.
" I am the Ghost of Christmas Past." The girl's soft dreamy voice filled the room. "Together, we are going to travel through some of your past Christmases. You should not be afraid of me." She said smiling softly.
Olivia sat up on the couch.
" I am not afraid of you. But I really have a hard time understanding this. Why is this happening?" she asked, herself more than the Ghost. But the girl just smiled.
"Get up and follow me." She said and Olivia complied, curiosity and a strange sense of excitement, rising inside her.
They both walked towards the closed window that suddenly opened wide. The sounds of the city filled the quiet room and Olivia looked the Ghost confused.
"Take my hand" the Ghost said raising her hand for Olivia.
Olivia looked at the opened window and then at the girl's hand and realization hit her.
"You know that I can't fly right?" she asked
"Take my hand and don't be afraid" the Ghost said again.
Without thinking it again, Olivia took the girl's hand and together, they stepped closer to the window.
A second later, the apartment vanished and Olivia found herself flying above the lighted city, her hand always linked with the Ghost's. She couldn't help but smile as the lights of New York went flying past above them, creating a big multicolored mess.
Suddenly, as they were coming closer and closer to a building they slowed down. When Olivia took a better look at it, the smile vanished from her face.
"Why are you bringing me here? I don't think I want to come here ever again." She said shaking her head as they reached the height of an open window.
"You have to understand Olivia." The Ghost said and nodded to her to look through the window and inside the small apartment.
Olivia turned to look, as an unpleasant feeling filled her heart, at her six year-old self dressed in a velvet red dress, tugging at her mother's sleeve, who was passed out on the couch, a couple of empty bottles around her.
"Mommy…mommy wake up it's Christmas" little Olivia said impatiently as she kept shaking her mother. After a bit, Serena opened her eyes and groaned.
"Olivia, why on earth are you waking me up?" she moaned pulling away her arm from her daughter.
"It's Christmas mommy, let's see if Santa came!" little Olivia said excitedly staring at her mother with her big brown eyes.
"Olivia, there's no thing as Santa, and Christmas is really just another day. Now stop being annoying and let me get some sleep." She said and with that, she closed her eyes again, leaving Olivia staring at her, her big eyes now filled with tears and disappointment written all over her face.
"But… I even wore my pretty dress" she mumbled, but Serena was passed out again and so Olivia walked away crying silently.
Adult Olivia had tears running down her face too.
"Why are you showing this to me? I don't want to… I don't want to think of it." She mumbled wiping away her tears.
"You were so disappointed that day and for many years after that you did everything you could to just avoid Christmas…" the Ghost said and then, the scenery changed. Olivia looked around her only to see that she was at the hall of her high school. In a corner, she saw a teenaged version of herself reading from a textbook. She went closer as another girl reached her teenaged self.
"Hey Liv, you're coming at the party tonight right?" the girl asked smiling
" I don't really think so Kirsten, I'm sorry."
Olivia watched as teenage Olivia put the textbook back into the backpack lying on her feet.
"But it's Christmas Liv! The whole class would be there!" Kirsten said excitedly.
"Christmas and I just don't mix well, so I'm just going to go home and watch a movie or something."
Kirsten reached and touched Olivia on the shoulder as she was leaning to grab her backpack and leave.
"Exactly because it's Christmas Liv, you shouldn't be alone. Come on, we'll have fun. I heard that maybe some of the guys of the football team are coming" Kirsten said and winked at her. Olivia sighed but smiled.
"Okay." She said after some seconds. "But only because of the guys of the football team" she said smiling wide now and Kirsten laughed.
Adult Olivia watched as the two girls left together, laughing.
" It was the first happy Christmas of my life. It was the first time that I felt that someone cared about me. Kirsten and I had been good friends ever since. We still talk some times" she said and smiled herself at the memory. She turned to find the Ghost smiling softly too and extended her hand one more time. Olivia took it and the scenery changed once again.
She looked around and saw her almost ten years younger self, sitting at her office on the 1-6 precinct. Across her, Elliot was sitting up from his chair.
"Out already?" her younger self asked with a smile.
"Yeah, we got to do some last minute Christmas shopping with Kathy and then we're having dinner with the kids, play some games… a typical Christmas Eve" he said smiling. "What about you? Any plans for tonight?"
"Ahh, yeah… I'm meeting with some friends for drinks" Olivia said rubbing her eyebrow and avoiding eye contact with him.
"Have a good time Liv. Merry Christmas"
"Merry Christmas to you too El." She said finally looking up at him with a small smile. She watched him as he exited the precinct and sighed. Then she returned back to her work.
"I lied to him, this time and many others. I just didn't want him to feel sorry for me. I never did anything for Christmas or Christmas Eve…" she said smiling sadly.
" It was okay, until you started working on this unit. Then, the horror and the sorrow you faced every day made you lose the small amount of hope and happiness towards Christmas" The Ghost said.
" I see the worst face of this world every day. Hope just isn't an option anymore. Sometimes I look myself in the mirror and I wonder…" Olivia said shaking her head
"Come. It's time to go home Olivia" She heard the Ghost saying and suddenly everything vanished.
Olivia blinked once, only to find herself on her couch and her dark apartment. She reached for the blanket that had fell on the floor and wrapped it around her tightly. What a memory lane… she thought. She looked outside the window above the couch. Snow had started falling softly.
" I wonder what else awaits me tonight…" she mumbled as her eyes closed.
She woke up to a beeping sound. She opened her eyes and looked around trying to find the source of the noise. When she realized that it was coming from the kitchen she rose from the couch and walk towards it. She looked at her watch. It was 2 a.m.
She then looked inside the kitchen and her eyes opened wide in surprise, when she saw a good looking man standing there. He was wearing an expensive suit and was holding a briefcase on his one hand and an IPhone on his other, which was the source of the beeping sound, as the man was typing fast something on it. As if he had sensed her present, he stopped and looked up at her, flashing her a perfect smile.
"Hello Olivia. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present" he said in a cheery salesman voice. "Come closer, we have some places to visit tonight" he said and winked at her.
Olivia, who by now, had thought that it would be better to accept what was happening to her as it is, she stepped into the kitchen and
"You don't really look like a spirit" Olivia informed him flatly. The Ghost turned and looked at her with surprise.
"Me? Oh you should have seen some of my brothers… One had piercings all over his face and purple hair and another one wore headbands and pink shirts with half the buttons opened! Pink shirts! Can you imagine?" the Ghost said shaking his head with a disapproving expression.
"You have brothers?" Olivia asked in disbelief.
"Yes! 2011 of them! Now shall we go? We've got places to visit dear Olivia." He said looking at his phone once more.
Olivia sighed.
"Okay, let's do this" she said as she went to stand right beside him. The Ghost looked at her flashing another million dollar smile and suddenly, Olivia felt the floor moving. It kept moving, until she felt it levitating. She looked down and gasped. The floor had become invisible and now she was looking once more, down at the lighted Manhattan.
After a while, the room started lowering above a building, and kept lowering until the building swallowed the room and Olivia found herself staring down at a bar.
"You ditched your friends tonight." She heard the ghost saying with a cheery voice and when she looked better down at the crowded room, she noticed an all too familiar group. Olivia walked on the invisible floor and went closer to them.
"Have you heard from Liv?" Fin asked. Casey shook her head negatively as she was drinking her beer.
"Nope. I tried to make her come for drinks with me last night but she said she just wanted to get some rest. I figured she will be here with you guys today."
Munch huffed.
"Yeah, as if." He said sarcastically and Casey looked at him confused.
"It's the same thing every year. Liv says she'll come and the last minute she comes up with a lame excuse." Fin explained to her. "Truth is, I don't really think she's into Christmas."
Munch snorted and the other two turned and looked at him.
"That's an understatement. Liv hates Christmas. I don't really blame her. I would hate them too if I had spent my entire childhood Christmases with an alcoholic, whose idea of holiday fun was to be passed out on the couch." He said taking another sip from his beer. When he noticed the confused looks on Casey's and Fin's faces, he shrugged.
"She became a bit too talkative after the fourth beer, one day we had gone for drinks after work" he said with a small grin.
"Oh God. Poor Liv. No wonder she hates Christmas so much." Casey said in a sad voice.
" Still, it's a shame that's she's spending it all alone. It's not like she has any family…" Munch said.
"What about Stabler? Where is he tonight?" Casey asked
"He's got the kids all day today." Fin informed her.
"I can't believe that he had never tried to convince her to do something for Christmas." Casey said.
"Oh he had. Plenty of times, trust me. And each and every one of them ended up on a fight. And of course, this year was no exception." Fin said playing with the glass on his hand.
"God, she can be so stubborn some times." Munch said sighing loud.
"Still, I feel sorry for her, spending Christmas all alone…" Casey said and the other two nodded in agreement.
Olivia stepped back and away from the small group.
"I… I don't want them to feel sorry for me… I am perfectly fine spending Christmas like that…" she mumbled trying to wipe away the tears that threatened to escape her eyelids.
"Oh but they do dear Olivia… They feel sorry for you and they pity you because you gave them the right to. You are always so stubborn, you can't accept even the smallest glimpse of help, even when it's coming from your own friends!" The Ghost said in playful, sarcastic manner as the flying room exited the bar and started moving around town again.
Olivia was too busy trying not to cry that she didn't notice the apartment they had entered. When she finally looked around, she noticed a man sitting on the couch in front of the TV, whose light was the only one in the room.
"Elliot? He was supposed to have his kids on Christmas day." She said sniffing and wiping away some tears.
"His ex-wife decided on the last minute to take them to their grandmother on Florida."
"And he is alone? Why didn't he join the others at the bar?" Olivia asked.
The Ghost turned and looked at her with a teasing smile.
"You are both very stubborn people dear Olivia. He preferred to stay here and pretend that everything is fine, rather than just swallow his pride and admit to the others that his ex-wife tricked him one more time. And on top of that, in the thought that he might see you at the bar…" The Ghost said with a small laugh.
"But why? What that's supposed to mean?" Olivia asked confused.
"You two are one of a kind, aren't you? And so perfect for each other… I guess we'll have to wait and see how this is going to turn out…" The Ghost said and suddenly his voice started sounding distant. Olivia managed to looked one last time at Elliot's humped figure, before her flying kitchen started spinning around. It went on spinning until it exploded into tiny pieces, along with the Ghost. Olivia screamed and covered her head with her hands.
When she uncovered her head and she was able to see again, she found herself at the precinct. A chill went down her spine, noticing that it wasn't buzzing as usual and even though it was filled with people, it was dead silent.
She looked around trying to spot herself or Elliot but found neither. She watched instead, as Fin and Munch were sitting on their desks with dark expressions. She looked again around and noticed more than a few people walking around with tear stained faces.
The door of Cragen's office opened and he came out in his full uniform. Olivia shivered. Something wasn't right. Everyone was so silent and Cragen was wearing his uniform. That could only mean….
Before she was able to find out more, everything went dark
"Wait! I have to find out! Is someone dead? Please! Somebody help me here!" She yelled desperately.
Everything started spinning again. Olivia curled into a ball, trying to avoid getting dizzy or falling. When the spinning stopped, Olivia opened her eyes and as she took in the scenery around her, she started shivering uncontrollably. Just then, she saw a hooded figure stepping closer to her. She stood there, unable to move or form any words, as the figure came closer.
"Are… are you the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?" she managed to say when the figure came and stood in front of her. When she didn't receive any answer, she gathered some more courage and spoke again.
"Please… I need to know… why are we on a cemetery? Who is dead? Please…"
The Ghost silently nodded at the direction of a small group, that had suddenly appeared from the shadows. Olivia run towards them, desperate for some answers.
"I don't understand… How did this happen?" Casey said in a choked voice, tears running down her face.
"He was on call that day and a victim called, saying that her ex-husband had broke into her house and was threatening to shoot her if she didn't drop the charges of battery against him. Elliot was the first there… But the man was totally out of control and help came late…. He was alone there… and the man just…shoot him" Fin said trying to hold back his own tears.
"He was on call on Christmas day? And what about Olivia? Where was she?" Casey asked still sobbing.
"She was supposed to be on call too but she and Elliot fought again the previous day, as usual on Christmas, and she decided to take the day completely off…" Munch said looking on the ground.
" If she had… If she had been there with him… would he… would he still be alive?" Casey asked with a surprised expression.
"Maybe… or they could both be dead…" Fin pointed out.
"Where is Liv? Why she didn't come? I can't believe she didn't come to Elliot's funeral…" Casey said choking back a sob.
"From the moment Cragen told her the news, no one has heard from her. She isn't answering her phone, she isn't at her apartment… It is as if she disappeared from the face of earth." Munch said shaking his head.
"God, this must be so hard on her… I don't think she will ever get past it… She will ever be haunted with the what ifs…. With the thought that maybe, if she had been there…"
"Things would probably be very different now" Munch finished her phrase with a dark look.
And with those words, the group disappeared into thin air. Olivia fell on her knees and she started sobbing . Not only Elliot was dead but she was responsible for his death… If this was her future, why bother going on? Because she knew, that life without Elliot just wasn't life… And all this because of a stupid fight.
" I have to stop this, no this can't happen…" she mumbled to herself as she kept crying hard. She felt the shadow of the Ghost falling on her. She raised her head and looked at the hooded figure.
"Ghost please! This can't happen! Elliot can't die! No… Tell me that I have a chance, tell me that I have a chance to change things! I get it! I get it now! It took me so long but I understand now! I was in pain and so lonely for so long that I forgot how it feels to be loved… And when, on the happiest time of the year my friends tried to show me love, I threw it away, I was throwing it away constantly and not only on Christmas! But I was trying to protect myself from false expectations, I didn't want to get hurt again… But I screwed up so much and now Elliot is dead, the man I love more than life itself is dead! So Ghost I'm beginning you… tell me that all this is not already written and there is a chance that it will change! That is a glimpse of what might happen and it can be changed, please!" Olivia pleaded unable to see anymore from the tears.
The earth then started shaking and cracking and Olivia felt herself falling and falling… Until she landed somewhere. She opened her eyes and found herself back on her couch. Light was coming through the curtains from the window above her. Olivia quickly sat up and opened the curtains, letting the light fill the room completely. She looked at her watch. 9 a.m 25th of December.
"It's Christmas." She said "It's Christmas and nothing terrible had happened yet! I still have time!" She said happily and stormed into her bedroom.
An hour later she was jumping up the stairs of an all too familiar building. When she reached his apartment, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door. After some moments, she heard slow steps and then Elliot opened the door, looking tired and sad.
"Hey" she said shyly. "Merry Christmas"
"What are you doing here Liv?" he said sounding slightly pissed.
Olivia took a deep breath and looked directly into his piercing blue eyes.
" I wanted to say that I'm sorry… and I wanted to do this" she said and without further hesitation she brought her lips onto his.
Elliot stood there for a second looking surprised, but only for a second, and then he returned the kiss with the same ferocity, if not more. They stood like that on his doorstep for some minutes, engaged into a passionate kiss. When they broke apart, gasping for breath, Olivia leaned closer to him.
" You are my everything. I tip toed around it for a very long time, with stupid fights and meaningless words… But I'm telling you now, that you were right and I was wrong. Christmas is great and I want to spend the rest Christmases of my life with you…I love you Elliot." She whispered into his ear and then turned her gaze to his eyes. His look was unreadable.
"What are you thinking?" She asked anxiously.
His face then broke into a smile.
"It may sound cheesy and corny and stupid but… all I want for Christmas… is you. I love you Olivia" he said and kissed her again.
That evening, after spending the whole day to his apartment making love, Elliot and Olivia stepped inside Maloney's and waved at a small group at the corner.
"Merry Christmas everyone!" Olivia said happily and laughed at their surprised faces.
"I thought none of you was coming." Fin said after some moments, still looking surprised.
"Change of plans I guess" Elliot said shrugging.
"Well, I think that a lot of plans changed" Casey said pointing at Olivia and Elliot's linked hands.
"Nah, that one sounded like the plan for, what, ten years now?" Munch exclaimed a bit teasingly. They all laughed and proceeded to take their seats around the table and spend their Christmas night, happy and carefree with their friends.
And as Olivia was laughing at one of Munch's stupid jokes, she couldn't help but think that maybe, even in the darkest times, when everything seems hopeless and done, love and light and happiness can be found…
I hope that you enjoyed the story!
I'm thinking doing maybe two more one shots that will include New Year's Eve too since it's around the corner! What do you think about that? :)
So... until next time review!
Merry Christmas again everyone! :) :)
xoxo Kate