Thank you all so much for the reviews (petiteshima, Krizteena, Vampira Empress), subscriptions and general support. I hope this doesn't let you down and answers some of your questions (abiecula, she's kicking and alive).

I looked at myself in the mirror and practiced the one expression I would be using this evening, indifference. I had planned everything around this theme, from my wardrobe to my handshake to my eyes. I would betray nothing. I couldn't pull a runner from this event, like I had in others. I wouldn't. I didn't want to appear like a scared kid, even though I was indeed terrified. That was how the Chairman had coaxed me to go, in order to "show them how strong I am and how unaffected I was" as he had said. That was just his ploy, I knew. But it worked, nonetheless.

I straightened up. I had my pride to keep intact. At least, I need to show them, show him and her especially, that I was good. I have to give the illusion that everything was, is, and always will be nothing to me. I have to pretend that I've been better ever since, better off without the lies and pretense. I cannot and will not lose, not in front of them.

A knock on the door signified that it was time and that Kaito was getting impatient.

I stood there stoically during the meeting. She was thinner than I remembered, but still as beautiful. Her eyes like stars; her smile so radiant; her small hands ... clutching his arm. I didn't allow myself to linger on the last part, or any other for that matter. She would notice if I did. I hope she didn't hear the terribly loud pounding of my heart, didn't see any sign of pain in my eyes, didn't see how much I yearned to be both nearer to her and further away from her at the same time.

So I stared blankly at the wall, something I've always been good at. I could still smell her though. She still smells good, still smells of warmth and sunshine; the smell that I used to wake up to every morning. The memories were threatening to overflow from the dam I had stored them in. But I had reinforced the dam with concrete and steel. I couldn't afford to have it break down on me today, not now, not in front of them.

When the Chairman and Kuran shook hands for the last time, I was the first one out the door. Trying to run away without appearing to be running, trying to escape her without appearing to be terrified of her. That was me, Zero Kiryuu, fearless vampire hunter brought to his knees by the Kuran princess.

Chairman caught up with me. "It's the Christmas ball, you can't escape this one."
"No. Mission."
"I've checked. You're not scheduled for duty tonight. It's just for awhile, Zero."
"No."
"You need to get used to all of this."
"It's Christmas Eve. Humans are out there partying, getting wasted. They're easy prey. Vampires would be partying too, then. We need as many hunters out there tonight."
And before he could protest, I hurried out and slammed the door behind me.

Once upon a time, she would have admonished me for being such a spoilsport. But she wasn't going to do that anymore, not tonight, not ever. And that fact stung like hell.

I know. I was terribly rude, especially to a man who's been like a father to me. But he should know better than to force me to mingle with them, with her, as if nothing had happened. I closed my eyes, savouring the light snow on my face. Snow, Yuki. Bloody hell, what did I have to do to get away from her..

I inhaled deeply, trying to remove her scent lingering around me. I bit my lips, trying to fight the familiar thirst, the consuming hunger that lusted for her. And I ran, trying to run away from all my memories of her. So, like every night, I hunted deliriously. Because I was terrified of what I may do if I didn't.

I watched them watch the group of party-goers. I recognized the look in their eyes, of hunger, of thirst, of lust. The girls had very little on, increasing the pack of mongrel's interest, both because they were hot-blooded males and because the scent of their blood wafted through the air even more profoundly. I watched as they approached them, mingling with them, buying them drinks and flirting with them.

And the girls were excited for it. They felt they had landed a catch, gaining the attention of the most charming guys in the club. Technically, I was in no position to interfere because those monsters hadn't showed their fangs yet. Even as they slipped rophynol into their drinks, I was technically prohibited from pulling the Bloody Rose on them because they hadn't showed their fangs yet. Thanks to technicalities, it was going to be a long night.

So when one of them kissed a girl's neck, I had my gun ready. And when those fangs extended, the barrel was pointed at his head already. At the sight of a gun, the girls, bless their impaired senses, had sufficient sense to run. They could have done without the screaming and flailing arms which then made the other patrons scream and run bringing about the chain panic reaction which would earn me an earful from the Chairman later.

But I was happy to have the chance to exterminate him and the rest of his vampire friends. It was a chance I relished. It was a chance that barely lasted 10 minutes as the last one fell in front of me and disappeared into a cloud of ash. I waited 2 hours for a 10 minute fight. That's awesome.

"Will you be cleaning that up or me?" I gave Carl a glare. He smirked at me and mixed up a gin and tonic.
"Here, Kiryuu, on the house. It's Christmas, man. Take a break." He pushed the glass over to me.
"You know I don't. How long have they been here?"
"Many times. Usually they bring the girls out, never been sloppy enough to drink here. Maybe it was Christmas and they wanted a break too."
"And as a bartender, you didn't see it your right to prevent spiking of drinks?" I put the second glass down and gestured towards the vodka. He mixed up a vodka tonic for me.
"Would you be surprised that more humans do that than vampires."
"I wouldn't." I gestured to have tequila next.
"I know."
"Fuck you, you retired hunter, rape-and-vampire-abetting bartender. Fuck you all." I slammed the glass down and he poured me another.
"Feeling the love from you there, Kiryuu."

This morning, I had woken up, practiced a few rounds at the shooting range, hunted for awhile and returned, gotten ready for the stupid meeting where I would be meeting that girl for the first time in a year and then escaped from the stupid ball where I was expected to smile at her. Fuck her too. Fuck her and her smile, her laugh, her scent, her presence, her Kaname. Fuck him, especially. My alcohol-clouded brain was rambling again.

Thank God the streets were empty as I made my way back home, no, to the apartment. I don't know what I would have done if there were people around, probably attacked them I guess. It would have been a choice between my gun, or my fangs, or both if they pissed me off enough.

Struggling, I unlocked the door to our, no, my apartment. It hasn't been ours since a year ago. It hasn't been home since a year ago either. I pulled myself in, dragging myself back to hell. Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too.

A/N
* Snow is yuki in Japanese. He curses because he can't escape her, no matter how hard he tries.
* Carl as an ode to How I Met Your Mother's bartender and awesome, which is an OOC Zero word, as an ode to Barney Stinson.
* He corrects himself from saying 'home' and 'our' because it hurts him to think back to when it was really 'home' and 'our'.

Hope you liked it and Merry Christmas.

With love, Aingealis