CHAPTER 3.

Ray couldn't remember exactly how he'd got here after leaving Stella's apartment, but it seemed like an appropriate place; this was where he had punched Fraser after an argument and then, later, where he'd insisted Fraser hit him in return. It had almost caused the end of their friendship and if it hadn't been for the incident with the Robert MacKenzie, well… How long ago did that happen? Ray couldn't remember. It seemed like forever ago, but at the same time it felt so fresh in his mind it might have been last week for all he knew.

Stella had quickly regained control of her emotions – she hated crying in front of anyone – and decided to go to bed. "I just can't begin to…" she had started to try to put her anger into words, but she was too exhausted and she just couldn't do it.

"If it means anything, I imagine Ray has already realised his mistake," Fraser had offered

"And that makes it OK?" Stella had replied, incredulously.

"Well, er…" Fraser hadn't been sure how to respond. He didn't feel anger towards Ray, he was more worried about what had driven his friend to jump to such a conclusion in the first place. "You know, Ray can be very insecure at times and…"

"You don't need to explain Ray to me!" Stella had exclaimed, interrupting Fraser. "I get Ray, OK? And that is exactly the reason why we're divorced."

Fraser had nodded understandingly and glanced towards the door.

Stella had sighed. "Go," she'd said, her voice much calmer now. "Go after him, I know you want to and he probably needs you more than I do right now. I'm going to bed."

And so Fraser had bundled Carmen into the brand new baby sling he'd bought earlier that day, strapped her to his chest and walked out into the cool Chicago evening.

Ray heard his buddy approaching. Even when he wasn't wearing his boots, Fraser's footsteps were unmistakable. "Hey," he said, gazing out across the lake. The lights from distant container ships were twinkling in the dusk.

"Hello Ray," Fraser replied.

"How did ya find me?" asked Ray without looking up.

"Well, you were quite easy to track," Fraser began. "Your left boot is…actually that's not important right now. Is it alright if I join you?"

"Sure," replied Ray. "I mean, I'm not gonna jump, if that's what y'mean. There's no point, I can do that bloom, close, kick 'em in the head thing now, right?"

Fraser crossed to sit down next to Ray. Carmen had been looking at the bright lights as they'd walked through the streets and Fraser had told her stories and sung softly to her. He was concerned about the effect all the tension and stress of the last few days may be having on her, knowing that babies were sensitive to the emotions of the adults around them. It wasn't long before the tiny baby had fallen asleep against his chest. Fraser was careful not to wake her as he sat down on the side of the dock.

Ray still didn't look at his buddy. "Look, er, Fraser, I…er, I…" he didn't know where to begin with his apology.

"It's alright," Fraser reassured him. "You don't have to…"

"Jesus Christ, Fraser! Yes I do!" Ray exclaimed, finally turning to look at him. He was momentarily taken aback by the sight of the sleeping infant in her sling.

"This is Carmen," said Fraser, gently pulling back the corner of the sling so that Ray could see her face.

"Oh," replied Ray, quietly. "She, er, she's not yours, is she." He added; it was a statement, not a question.

Fraser shook his head.

"And she's not Stella's, that's for sure," he added with a rueful smile.

Again, Fraser shook his head. "Carmen's mother is a friend of Stella's," he explained. "Unfortunately, Stella's friend has been unwell and was today admitted to the ICU."

"Jeez," mumbled Ray under his breath. "So The Stella's been taking care of the baby," he said as it finally all made sense. "And, er, she asked you to help 'coz she's not a 'baby person'," he added, miming quotation marks around the last two words with his fingers.

It had been one of Stella's often used phrases when the subject of having children had come up – I'm sorry Ray, I'm just not a baby person. I thought you knew that.

No, I did not know that…

"Yes, Ray," nodded Fraser. "Stella has many skills, but unfortunately, nurturing is not high on the list."

The corners of Ray's mouth twitched into a smile at Fraser's condemnation. He couldn't picture Stella trying to deal with diapers and baby puke. Of course she'd been right all those years ago – she really wasn't a baby person at all.

Ray had a hundred questions to ask Fraser – why all the secrecy? But he couldn't process any of that now. He had to apologise first before it ate him up inside.

"I am so sorry; I honestly don't know why I said all that shit," he began. "I dunno, Fraser, you've been off the radar for days and…and…then there you were…in Stella's apartment, with Stella and, er, and all the baby stuff and…. it was like, er, like someone lit a fire in my head and my brain exploded, or something. I couldn't…I didn't…does any of this make any sense?"

"I think so," replied Fraser. Ray's words weren't making a lot of sense, but Fraser could read his face like a book. There was new pain today. No, he corrected his thoughts, old pain, but it's resurfaced.

"I know how much you wanted to have children with Stella," Fraser began, but Ray interrupted him.

"Yeah, well, it didn't happen," he shrugged, dismissively.

He doesn't want to talk about it. I understand…

"Ray, I'm sorry I haven't been around too much lately, but I promised Stella…" Fraser wanted to steer the conversation in a different direction. He knew he owed Ray a full explanation, but it would have to wait.

First, Fraser needed to know what terrible experience Ray had been through while he'd been busy helping Stella. He already felt guilty enough that he hadn't been around for his friend when Ray had obviously needed him. Part of him didn't want to know the answer.

It must have been something truly awful. Perhaps he's witnessed a particularly tragic death? Fraser pondered. Oh no, not another cop…or a child…

"What happened?" He asked gently.

"The dumb thing is it was nothing, really." Ray's answer surprised his buddy. "Just Molton's asshole lawyer causing trouble. Welsh told me to lay low for a while."

Fraser frowned at his friend. That couldn't be it, surely?

"Thing is, buddy, when I spend time…er, y'know, on my own, I start thinking. About Stella, mostly," Ray tried to explain. "I don't even know I'm doing it. I can't, er, I can't help it." Ray's voice cracked as he spoke. "I guess she really hates me now," he added quietly.

"No, she doesn't hate you," replied Fraser. He was fairly certain he was correct in that assertion.

Ray let out a long, slow sigh. If he could go back in time and change what he'd said then he would, but that was never going to happen so he had to live with it. "I, er, I should go see her and apologise," he mumbled, dread filling his mind at the prospect. "And, um, then I guess I'll butt out of her life for good."

"I doubt very much that Stella wants you out of her life," replied Fraser.

Ray shook his head. "No, you're wrong this time, buddy," he said. "You don't know her like I do. I've blown it. There's no going back now." He paused to collect his thoughts. "When we were, y'know, breaking up – getting divorced – we both said some dumb things to each other. D-u-m dumb, but I never accused her of… I mean, I always trusted her."

"I'm sure she'll accept your apology and this will all be water under the bridge," replied Fraser reassuringly.

"I don't know nothin' about a bridge, Fraser, but I can't just go to her and explain it all, can I?" Ray suddenly leapt up and started walking along the edge of the harbour. "Sorry, Stell, but I still think about you all the time in a weird, obsessed, creepy kinda way and it screws with my head. She is not gonna be cool with that, buddy."

Fraser was quickly at his friend's side. "I suggest you don't put it in those words, exactly," he said, "however I do believe that Stella will accept your apology. She knows you too well, Ray. I don't think you have to explain yourself in any great detail to her."

Ray stopped walking and turned to face Fraser. "I have to get over her. I have to. Look at me!" He threw his hands in the air. "I thought I was OK after the whole thing with Orsini last year. I know she's, er, dated other guys since then – even some who didn't turn out to be corrupt politicians – and I thought it was no big deal. I was happy for her. But…just for a second I thought she might be…y'know, dating you…of all people…and…"

"If it's any consolation, Ray," began Fraser, tugging at his earlobe as he spoke, "there is more chance of Andrew Taffy repeating his infamous performance of Fogarty's Cove from the fifteenth annual Yellow Knife Cultural Festival and Blanket Toss, than there is of Stella and myself embarking on a romantic liaison."

Ray stared blankly at Fraser.

"I'm sorry, that analogy perhaps has more meaning if you are aware of the unfortunate incident just prior to the performance," Fraser replied. "What I mean, Ray, is that Stella is not my type."

Ray nodded grinned. She sure as hell wasn't…but she's exactly my type. His smile faded.

"I have to talk to her," Ray stated, bluntly and began striding away from the lake.

"Not tonight, Ray," urged Fraser. "I suggest you leave it until the morning. She is suffering the effects of sleep deprivation and she really needs to rest. Perhaps tomorrow she might be more…um…receptive to you."

"Less likely to tear my head from my shoulders with her bare hands, y'mean?" suggested Ray.

"Something like that," agreed Fraser. "I'll walk home with you; I owe you an explanation for why I've been avoiding you."

"OK," smiled Ray. He felt better than he had earlier.

At least Fraser doesn't want to kill me.

Ray had upset and angered Stella before, he knew what to expect from her – even if he didn't know how to cope with it – but hurting Fraser was the last thing he wanted to do. He would never forget the look on the Mountie's face after he'd punched him and he couldn't risk being the cause of that again. He'd already lost the only woman who'd ever understood him; he couldn't afford to lose the only true friend he'd ever had too.

"You don't owe me anything, buddy," added Ray. He figured Fraser must have had a good reason to have kept his whereabouts a secret. "Although I'm kinda curious, I guess. You should be more worried about what you're gonna say to the Ice Queen. I tried to cover for you, but I don't think she bought it."

"Oh dear."

xXxXx

"Good morning, Ray."

Ray was surprised to see Fraser open Stella's front door.

He must have stayed the night.

Ray tried his best not to be envious. Fraser had only stayed to look after Carmen, Ray realised immediately, but it was still odd to find his buddy at his ex-wife's apartment so early in the morning.

"Hey, Fraser."

"I didn't want to disturb Stella upon my return so I thought it best I bivouac here for the night," Fraser explained.

"Sure. Good call." Ray hadn't slept at all. After Fraser had left his apartment Ray had spent all night laying in bed staring at the ceiling and trying to work out what to say to Stella to make up for the things he'd said to her.

"Although as I slept indoors," Fraser continued, scratching his left eyebrow with his thumb as Ray entered the apartment, "I suppose, technically, I wasn't…that's not important right now. I guess you want to talk to Stella."

Ray nodded. "How, um, how is she?"

"Stella said she slept well," replied Fraser, deliberately avoiding answering his friend's question direcly.

"Did, er, did she say anything about, er…"

"No, not specifically," said Fraser.

Just then, Stella appeared. "Fraser, do you have the number of the hospital?" she asked, rummaging in her bag. "I thought I'd…" but she stopped talking when she saw Ray.

"Hi, Stell," Ray said, quietly.

"Ray," she acknowledged, glancing at Fraser. I hope you talked to him yesterday…

"Er, um…" Everything Ray had rehearsed had gone out of his head. "I'm sorry," was all he could manage.

"Look, Ray," began Stella. "I really don't want to argue with you. Apology accepted. You made a mistake. Just think before opening your mouth next time."

"I just…" it was no use, he couldn't form a sentence. "I love ya, Stell." Oh why did I say that?

To Ray's surprise Stella's face softened into a smile. "I will always love you, Ray," she replied. "But we are divorced. You have to accept that. I have my own life now and you need to start living yours again."

Fraser cleared his throat and ran a finger around the collar of his blue denim shirt. He was feeling very uncomfortable; this was a conversation that should be continued in private. "Oh dear, I think Carmen is awake," he said suddenly.

Ray and Stella looked at each other; they hadn't heard the baby cry?

"I'll, um, I'll just be, er…" mumbled Fraser and ran out of the room, only stopping momentarily to glare at Dief, who was apparently too comfortable on Stella's expensive rug to want to move.

Stella laughed. "I'm glad you and Fraser haven't fallen out over this," she said to Ray.

"Nah," shrugged Ray. "Fraser knows me too well, he's used to the dumb things I say."

Stella nodded. Ray had said some dumb things in his time, but he'd never once accused her of cheating on him when they were married. So it seemed that things had got worse in Ray's mind since the divorce. That can't be good…

"Would you like a coffee?" asked Stella. "I think we should talk."

Her first thought when she'd seen Ray a few minutes ago was that she wanted him out of her apartment. She thought she was still angry with him for the hurtful accusation he'd made last night, but then she realised she wasn't angry at all. Ray's insecurities were endearing – it was one of the things about him she loved the most. He had always reminded Stella of herself in that way – tough on the outside, but with a sensitive side few people got to see. Stella had never suffered the crippling low self-esteem that her ex-husband did, but Ray was one of the few people in the world who really knew what she was like underneath her hard lawyer exterior.

Fraser found Carmen was, indeed, stirring. He gave her a few minutes to see if she'd settle again, but it wasn't long before she was wide awake. He set a bottle in the bottle warmer and lifted her out of her crib. "Good morning," he smiled. He couldn't help but be a little envious of her. She had no idea of all the things going on around her that were causing everyone so much upset. All she needed to make her happy was to feel safe and comfortable. Fraser thought about that for a moment… Isn't that what we all want? "Let's get you a nice clean diaper," he said and set about getting her washed, changed and fed.

Just as Carmen finished the last drop of milk Stella poked her head around the door. "You can come out now," she grinned.

"Right you are," replied Fraser and lifted Carmen up onto his shoulder.

"Thank you," added Stella.

"For what?" asked Fraser as Carmen let out a huge burp.

"For giving us some privacy," explained Stella. "And for whatever it was you said to him last night. I'm glad he has you as a friend."

Fraser was embarrassed by the praise. He wasn't sure exactly what he'd said to Ray that had made a difference, but he was glad he'd helped.

They found Ray finishing the last of his coffee. "I'm going to call the hospital," said Stella. "I was hoping they might have called me. I just hope no news is good news." Stella went to use the phone in her bedroom.

"I should check in with Welsh," said Ray, pulling his own phone from his pocket, but before he could dial the number, it rang. "Vecchio," he said, bluntly. "Oh, er, hi there Inspector…" he trailed off and looked at Fraser with raised eyebrows.

Fraser shook his head immediately, but then had second thoughts. "It's fine, Ray. I'll talk to her," he whispered, steeling himself for whatever punishment his superior officer had in mind for him.

Ray passed his phone to Fraser and took Carmen from his arms in return.

"Inspector…" began Fraser, but that one word was all he had chance to get out before the Inspector started yelling. Fraser held the phone a few inches from his ear to prevent damaging his eardrums.

Ray had taken Carmen over to the couch and he watched Fraser with mild amusement. "He's gonna be on sentry duty for a year," he said to Carmen with a grin. "There's a good lesson for ya," he added. "Don't piss off your boss!" He immediately covered his mouth with his hand when he realised what he'd said. "Er, annoy…" he corrected himself. "If your Auntie Stella asks, I said annoy, OK?"

Carmen just stared at him blankly.

Ray nodded and smiled at her. "You have no idea what I'm saying do ya," he acknowledged.

Then Carmen went very red in the face and clenched her tiny fingers into fists. Ray frowned at her and then started to panic. There's something wrong… "Fraser!"

Fraser was grateful for the excuse to end his phone call, although he was suddenly very concerned about the agitation in Ray's voice. "I have to go, Sir," he said. "I will be at the Consulate as soon as I can." Then he ran over to the couch. "What is it?" he asked.

"Look at her," said Ray. "Is she having, like a, er, a seizure or something?"

Fraser's concern immediately changed to amusement. "No, she's perfectly alright," he replied with a smile. "She's defecating, Ray."

Ray looked puzzled.

"Perhaps you'd like to confirm my suspicions with olfactory analysis?" Fraser suggested, trying to keep a straight face.

"Er…" Ray thought for a moment; he'd heard Fraser use that expression before. It means, er… "Oh, I get it," Ray's face brightened as he figured out what his buddy was getting at. "Hardy har har. No I am not gonna sniff her stinky diaper!"

Fraser stifled a giggle.

"This is one of those Canadian humour things, right?" added Ray.

"Not at all," replied Fraser. "I assume from your reaction that you're not going to offer to change the diaper?" he added.

Ray sneered at his buddy.

Then Stella walked back into the room with a smile on her face. "Silvina had a good night," she announced. "They're going to move her out of the ICU this morning," she added.

"Oh that is good news," acknowledged Fraser.

"I'd like to go and see her," Stella continued. "And I'm going to swing by the office and get all the visa and residency paperwork countersigned so I can get that filed today. Can you keep Carmen for a few hours?" she asked, looking hopefully at Fraser.

"Ah," Fraser looked uncomfortably at Ray. "I, er, I'm afraid I really have to go to work today," he said. "Although I could take Carmen with me," he added, hesitantly. "I'm sure that won't be a problem."

"No way, ya can't do that!" exclaimed Ray. "The Ice Queen is gonna have you doing god knows what today. I'll take care of Carmen today, I've got nothing else to do, Welsh doesn't want me anywhere near the Two Seven until this whole thing with Molton blows over."

Stella looked nervously at Fraser. Could she trust Ray with the baby - not that he wasn't trustworthy, of course, but would he know what to do with her? "It's not easy, believe me," she said. "She's very demanding."

"She's a baby!" exclaimed Ray. "How hard can it be?"

Stella tucked her hair behind her ears and sighed. She really wanted to go out and she couldn't get Fraser into any more trouble with Inspector Thatcher. I'm sure Ray's perfectly capable…maybe…

"If you're sure you'll be alright…" Fraser said, hesitantly.

"I'll only be a couple hours," added Stella.

"I'll be fine," insisted Ray.

"Alright," agreed Stella. "Thank you, Ray," she added and Ray smiled an acknowledgement.

"You may as well start with this diaper," said Fraser.

Ray started to protest, but Fraser had already put the baby his arms.

"All of the things you'll need are in a pink bag by the crib," Fraser explained, picking up his hat. "I'll telephone you as soon as I get an opportunity."

Within minutes, Stella, Fraser and Dief had left and Ray was left holding Carmen. The noxious smell was becoming overpowering. "Ok, kid," he said, taking a deep breath. "It's just you and me now. I'm gonna prove to The Stella just how easy this parenting thing can be so don't give me a hard time."