"Beth? BETH!?" Daryl called out from the hallway. In that moment, his panic had overtaken him. He wasn't concerned with rational thought, or thinking through what was happening – instead, he was driven by fear. He needed to get to Beth as quickly as physically possible, he thought. He couldn't hear anything coming from her room and he felt bile rising up from his stomach thinking about the horrors of what he might find in that bathroom.
He burst into Beth's room – he didn't knock, didn't stop to think about that. But after he'd charged in, he instantly regretted that choice and that he'd let himself be blinded by his fear. He'd told her he would wait outside. And he'd told himself to be careful with her and give her some privacy – she was in a very fragile state and he didn't want to push her even further towards the edge. But he'd forgotten about all of that. And now, Beth was standing before him, looking at him wildly, her previously blank eyes now full of emotion. And she was completely naked.
Daryl froze for a moment. He knew that maybe he shouldn't have been too worried about seeing Beth naked – after all, he had seen her that way before. But Daryl knew all too well what had happened the last time he'd seen her that way and the last thing he wanted to do, especially right now, was to make Beth uncomfortable. He knew he should leave, knew he should get out of there as quickly as possible, giving Beth the space and time she needed. But his feet seemed glued to the place where he stood and he couldn't take his eyes off of Beth's – they were so full of hurt and fear. He couldn't look away from those eyes; and in that moment, it appeared that Beth couldn't look away from him either.
But all of a sudden, Beth was moving towards him. She got very close and then slowly put her arms around Daryl's waist, pulling herself into him, laying her head onto his chest. Daryl was in shock and for a moment, didn't move. He tentatively places his hands around her elbows, afraid to truly embrace her – she was naked and he didn't to touch her, too afraid of the situation.
After what seemed, at least to Daryl, like an eternity had gone by, Beth slowly changed her focus, looking over the clothes on her bed that Daryl had set out for her. She walked back to her bed and reached for her underwear and started to shimmy into them. This snapped Daryl out of his trance-like state, reminding him that Beth was naked and trying to dress.
"I'll leave you alone. I… uh… I'm sorry Beth. I shouldn't have come in here like that." Daryl said, stumbling a little on his words and nodding his head as he spoke. All of a sudden he was aware of the heat that had rushed into his face, as he felt incredibly uncomfortable in the situation. He'd been stupid to just barge in, he thought. Why did he do that?
He walked back into the hallway and closed Beth's bedroom door quickly. He figured he would just wait for her – that she'd come out when she was ready. He couldn't hear her moving at all, which slightly unnerved him, but he also knew that as small as she was and as slowly as her movements had been that she probably wouldn't make much sound at all. But he wished she would – she wished he knew exactly what she was doing. It was not knowing that drove him almost insane worrying about her.
Only a few moments seemed to pass, though, before he heard the door start to open. And then, there was Beth, wearing the clothes that he'd laid out for her, and walking toward him. Her hair was wet, but she had brushed it out and it fell straight down her back. She passed right by him, not making a sound and not really looking at him. The wild expression that he'd seen in her eyes just a few minutes before was gone, but Daryl felt a bit of joy that she didn't have that steely gray expressionless look back either. He would settle for the middle ground, now, as long as she didn't go back to that former state, that state that he'd found her in that had scared him so badly.
Daryl watched Beth as she moved forward, eventually heading down the stairs and into the kitchen. He followed behind her, making sure to keep a little distance between them to give her some space. He stopped at the doorway to the kitchen, just watching her, unsure what to say or do to help her. And she seemed to pay little attention to him, simply seeking out the things she'd come into the kitchen for – some ice cream, a spoon, and magazines. She picked up these things and moved into the living room, sitting down on the couch and wrapping a big brown blanket around herself.
Daryl just watched her, still standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He was glad that he now knew what happened to her to cause such an intense reaction, an emotional and physical shutdown like he'd never seen before. But now, he was at a loss as to how to approach it with Beth. Should he tell her that he'd talked with Zach? That he knew about the drowning? Should he try to get her to talk about it, or just leave her alone to speak when she was ready? How long should he stay here with her?
He decided to stay, but to let Beth have her space for now. He would eventually try to talk to her about everything that happened, if she didn't talk to him first – but now, he wanted to give her a chance to heal on her own and to have the ability to do that without him prying. So he went back into the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast bar, in the same place where he'd sat so many times over the previous week with Beth having breakfast and dinner. From there, he could see her, but he was out of the way enough that it wouldn't be completely obvious to Beth, especially since her back was mostly turned to him.
And he sat there and watched her, for what seemed like hours, as she slowly ate her ice cream and flipped mindlessly through the pile of magazines she had retrieved to look at.
Daryl woke up startled. At first he wasn't sure where he was – but then he realized that he'd fallen asleep sitting at the breakfast bar at Beth's. He wasn't sure how much time had passed – he hadn't really even known what time it was when he'd come into the kitchen to sit down and watch Beth. The gravity of what had happened that evening all came flooding back to him and before he knew it, he was moving towards the living room, moving towards Beth. He needed to check on her, needed to know that she was still okay.
When he reached her, he let out the breath he'd been holding. She was fast asleep on the couch, a magazine still open on her lap. She looked so peaceful, Daryl thought, and he just stood and watched her resting, breathing in and out, the painful expression on her face replaced with a beautifully serene one. He debated moving her up to her room, but decided against it. He knew he could easily lift her up and carry her upstairs but he was too afraid to risk it, too afraid that she might wake up. And she seemed so calm in her sleep that he wanted to ensure that she had as many moments of peace as possible, before she woke up and all the memories of what had happened that day came surging back into the forefront of her mind.
Daryl took the magazine carefully from Beth's lap and pulled the blanket further up, covering her from just below her chin all the way down to her feet. He brushed a few lose pieces of hair out of her face. He saw Beth's eyelashes flutter a bit and he froze – he was afraid his actions had woken her. But she never opened her eyes and after a few moments he was confident that she was still asleep. And he couldn't help himself, so before he walked away, he bent down slowly and kissed her forehead.
"Goodnight, baby girl."
Daryl woke up again with a start. All of a sudden, unfamiliar voices filled his ears and for a moment, he was a bit panicked. He was quickly relieved when he noticed the source of the voices – Beth had turned on the TV and was intently watching the content, which Daryl finally recognized as The Today Show. He just sat there for a moment, content that Beth seemed a little better and Daryl felt a little bit of happiness that they'd made it through the night relatively unscathed. Beth was still in the same spot she'd been the night before, but at least she was sitting up and doing something, even if it was just watching TV. She still didn't seem to be paying Daryl any attention at all, almost making him question whether she remembered that he was still there.
After a moment, though, Daryl's blood pressure seemed to suddenly rise again. He realized it was Tuesday, that he didn't know what time it was, but that he was probably already late to work. He hadn't thought to set an alarm the night before, he was too worried about Beth and his mind had been preoccupied with thoughts of what Zach had told him and what his plan was with Beth. He wasn't sure if he should leave her, even if just for a few hours. But he'd only been working this job for a week and he knew he couldn't call in and ask for the day off.
Daryl got up quickly, moving into the kitchen to check the time. He was relieved to see that it was only around 7 am and that he still had a few minutes before he'd be late for work. He decided, after a few minutes of thinking about it, that he would call Tyreese and talk to him on his way in to work, but he wouldn't ask for time off. Instead, he would just ask for a little understanding and maybe a bit of flexibly over the next week or so. He wanted to be able to check in on Beth a couple of times during the day, but he didn't think Tyrese would mind, especially since Beth's house was less than 10 minutes from his job site.
He wished he had time to go out and get Beth some breakfast, but he knew that wasn't possible. He quickly started a small pot of coffee – enough for Beth to have a few cups and for him to take with him in a travel mug to drink on his short drive. He scavenged around and found an assortment of things that he'd learned Beth ate regularly – strawberries and blackberries, granola, and Greek yogurt. He quickly placed a healthy portion of all of those things onto a serving tray that was in the kitchen and poured her a large glass of orange juice. Once the coffee was finished, he poured Beth a cup, fixing it the way that he had seen her do several times before, and carried the tray into the living room to her. He sat it down on the coffee table right in front of her and then knelt down in front of her, wanting to get more onto her level to try and talk to her.
"Good morning" he said sweetly, trying to seem upbeat and hoping that some of the hopefulness in his voice would rub off on Beth. Daryl reached out tentatively and rubbed the side of Beth's shoulder. "How are you feeling this morning, baby girl? I was a little bit worried about you last night… but you seem a little bit better this morning. Ya okay?".
But Beth didn't respond. She looked at Daryl though, directly into his eyes, but she didn't speak a word or give any other indication of an answer.
"Beth?" Daryl asked, trying to prod her into saying something. He would have settled for anything in that moment. He kept rubbing her arm lovingly, hoping that the physical contact may somehow spur her to speak. But nothing came.
"I've got to go to work" Daryl said, exaggerating his words. He didn't think it was necessary – Beth was looking right at him, and while she didn't respond, her eyes had almost returned to their normal state, which Daryl could only feel hopeful about. She had a long way to go, still, it seemed, but he hoped she was on her way to healing from what had happened the day before.
"I'll be back in 2 or 3 hours to check on you, okay?" Daryl told Beth, still waiting for some acknowledgement from Beth. When none came, he turned and quickly moved to the kitchen, getting Beth's phone and taking it back in to the living room, sitting it on the arm rest of the couch next to Beth.
"You make sure to eat this breakfast… You need to make sure to eat" Daryl said. "And here's your phone. You call me if you need anything… or even if you don't and you just want to. I can be here in 10 minutes, okay?" Daryl stared straight into Beth's eyes, and she stared right back. Daryl swore that he saw her nod her head very slightly, but he wasn't sure if he just imagined it because he was so desperate for a response.
"See you soon" Daryl emphasized. And he squeezed Beth's arm, stood up, and headed for the door.
Over the next few days, Daryl fell into a routine of juggling work and taking care of Beth. He wasn't nearly as fretful about her now as he had been that first night, but she still hadn't spoken, and still spent most of her time parked on the couch. She had, on just a handful of occasions, nodded her head to indicate "yes" or "no" but other than that, Daryl's conversations with her were one-sided. He kept talking to her though, feeling like it was important to try to make things as normal as possible, even in the midst of this situation with wasn't very "normal" at all. He had even told her about his conversation with Zach, although he'd left out some of it – he wanted her to know that he knew the reason for her breakdown, but didn't want to worry her with thoughts of Zach. Daryl was growing increasingly frustrated at Beth's unwillingness to speak, but tried to be patient with her, knowing that she was hurting and that she was stuck in a dark place deep inside herself. Somehow, Daryl believed that he could pull her through this and out of that dark place – and every day she seemed to take a small baby step towards recovery.
Zach had texted Beth to tell her that she could take as much time off work as she needed to. Daryl had ended up texting back with him, not wanting Beth to have to be in communication with him just yet, and unsure if she even wanted to try texting with someone yet. He wasn't sure that Zach could understand what Beth was going through, but he was glad that he at least agreed not to put her back onto the lifeguarding schedule until Beth requested it. He'd also let Daryl know that an investigation had been initiated related to the incident on the beach that Monday that had resulted in the little girl's death, but that these types of investigations were routine in those situations. Zach had tried to assure Daryl that he had no expectations that Beth would be found at fault for anything that happened. Daryl did wonder, though, whether Zach would be honest about his part in the situation – although he knew it wasn't his place to intervene in the investigation, he somehow wished he could make it known that Zach had contributed to the circumstances of the accident.
Daryl had also texted a bit with Beth's sister Maggie, who had been worried about Beth. Apparently, during the week that Daryl had stayed with Beth, Maggie hadn't heard from Beth. And while he knew it wasn't necessarily right for him to pretend to be Beth in conversations with her sister, he didn't feel like he could tell her who he was and why he was the one responding. He didn't think it was his place to tell Beth's sister about the incident on the beach. But he also had no idea how to explain to Maggie, or anyone else for that matter, why he was staying there with Beth, and what their relationship with each other really was.
Daryl had talked to Tyreese on Tuesday morning and he had been very willing to give Daryl the flexibility he needed, as long as it didn't negatively impact the progress of the work that he was supervising. He'd been unsure what to tell Tyreese at first – how would he explain his complicated relationship with Beth and his apparent need to be there to help her through this bad situation? Eventually he'd just told Tyreese that Beth was his girlfriend – he knew she technically wasn't, but he felt like that was the best way to describe things. He couldn't get it out of his mind that they had blown passed being "just friends" and he didn't know how they'd ever return to that. For Daryl, this entire situation with Beth had reaffirmed to him that he had growing feelings for Beth, ones that he could no longer try to ignore. And although he couldn't really explore things with her currently, he had a lot of hope in what would happen between them in the future. But first, he thought to himself, he'd have to get Beth out of the dark place that she was currently in.
Daryl also talked with his work crew about the situation and he'd talked to one of his more experienced and reliable workers about stepping in to supervise when Daryl needed to step away for a while to check on Beth. And with the support of Tyreese and his work crew, Daryl felt more at ease about the strange schedule that he'd created, where he worked all day, but left the crew two or three times a day to go to Beth's for a few minutes to check on her.
When Daryl came home to check on Beth during the day, he always made a quick stop on the way to get little things she liked – ice cream and other sweets, Cokes, new magazines, and DVDs from Redbox. He was fearful that the Redbox might soon run out of movies that Beth hadn't seen – she seemed to love watching them during the day while Daryl was gone. After a couple of days he'd also branched into buying her other little treats, like nail polish. It seemed strange to him to buy those types of things – he'd never been inclined to do things like this before – but he had this deep desire to make her happy and he was desperate to do whatever he could to put a smile on her face. He also stopped every night on his way home to get them food for dinner, making sure to get something for Beth that he knew she loved. And although she continued to struggle to cope with her emotions, her appetite had certainly not suffered. At first Daryl worried that he was enabling her to be unhealthy – all the sweets and candy, Cokes, and fatty foods weren't exactly the best for anyone. But Daryl knew all too well that some people deal with their emotions through eating, and although he knew it wasn't the best thing in the world, he couldn't deny her something that she seemed to enjoy so much, maybe the only thing she truly enjoyed at that point. She also only weighed about 100 pounds, Daryl reasoned, so a week of eating a lot of unhealthy food probably wouldn't matter too much.
Every night, Daryl sat with Beth on the couch, although he kept to the opposite side of the one that she'd become so fond of, making sure not to crowd her. And every night after they ate, they watched TV together. During the commercials he would talk to her, about the shows, about his day, about things in the news, or anything else that came to mind. And sometimes he'd tell her stories from his past. And often he'd turn off the TV and he'd read out loud to her. He had learned from looking around the house that Beth had a lot of books and so, had assumed that she really liked to read; and in those late night hours when Daryl read to her, he thought she seemed the most at peace. He also felt closest to her in those moments – and he couldn't help but think that this must be what it felt like to have settled down with someone, doing simple everyday things together like reading on the couch.
Daryl found it relatively easy to care for Beth – he was surprised how naturally it came to him, especially since he'd never really done many of these types of things for anyone before. But he found that he wanted to do things for Beth, and he couldn't fully explain to himself why, although he easily recognized that his affections seemed to grow for her more every day. Every night, he'd run her a bath and while she was bathing, he'd lay fresh clothes out for her. He'd done their laundry, gone on a brief run to the grocery store, and even done some light cleaning at the house. And he'd gotten so used to bringing her all her meals that he started to consider what it would be like when everything was better and she was doing those things for herself again. He wanted her to get better and that was his top priority – but he also secretly liked that she was dependent on him, and that he was the one here with her helping her, in almost every possible way.
Daryl had also been staying at Beth's at night. He wasn't sure it was totally necessary, but he couldn't bring himself to leave her alone for that long quite yet. It was hard enough for him to go to work and leave her for 2 or 3 hours at a time, but an entire night would be out of the question in his mind. At least right now. He had gone by his apartment only twice since Monday night, both times for just the few brief minutes he needed to get a few changes of clothes and other necessities. On Thursday night, after Beth had slept on the couch for the three previous nights, she'd finally gone to her room to sleep. Daryl had been very uncertain about what to do – his gut reaction was to follow her, but he also didn't want to make himself an annoyance. He eventually decided to sleep in the room right next to Beth's – he hoped it would be far enough away to give her the space she needed, but close enough to hear her in the middle of the night. While she hadn't woken up screaming on Monday night, she had the two proceeding nights – and she didn't need to tell Daryl why, he already knew. Each time it happened Daryl had gotten to her quickly, pulling her into his arms and soothing her back to sleep. So even though she was now sleeping in her own room, Daryl wanted to be able to get to her hurriedly when those moments eventually came.
On Friday afternoon, Daryl was excited for the weekend. Running back and forth between work and Beth's over the last few days had exhausted him, although more so emotionally and mentally than physically, and he was hoping for a little bit of rest over the weekend. He was also determined that he was going to get Beth out of the house by Sunday, even if all they did was take a drive in his truck. He almost felt desperate to get her out of the house – he thought some sunlight would do her a world of good and Beth had told him many times how much she loved being outdoors. He knew he couldn't take her to the beach, but maybe she'd be willing to go to a nearby park and take a walk. He hoped that she'd let him take the lead.
Throughout the week, Beth had seemed content to let Daryl take the lead on making decisions, never showing a hint of hesitation or dissatisfaction in anything. Daryl picked out her clothes, planned her meals, and set her schedule. He had been very guarded in regard to his actions towards her though, probably over thinking every little thing he did and said. Still, he had occasionally slipped up and done something he immediately thought he shouldn't have, like letting his hand linger too long on Beth's arm or hand, or calling her "baby". He knew those weren't the worst things in the world, and Beth hadn't shown any sign of irritation at him in those moments, but he'd still felt that he needed to give her as much space as possible, even if those things came so naturally to him that he often didn't realize he was doing them until after he already had.
On Friday night, as Beth and Daryl shared a pizza and some red wine, Daryl boldly told Beth about his plans for the weekend.
"Beth? Baby… we gotta get you out of this house this weekend, okay?" Daryl said, again emphasizing his words as he'd commonly started to do when talking to her.
To Daryl's surprise, Beth looked up at him quickly in response to his words. She met his eyes, but then looked back down into her lap quickly. And after a moment had passed, she nodded her head slightly, indicating that she agreed with Daryl.
"You know how we talked before about me taking you fishing sometime? Well… I was thinking this would be a good time, don't you? I was thinking on Sunday we could go over to Jarvis Creek Park….?" Daryl said tentatively. He was pleased that Beth had seemed open to the idea of going somewhere outside of the house, but wasn't sure how she'd feel about fishing, although he'd hoped she'd want to do it. Beth had told during one of their nightly conversations over the days he'd stayed with her that she'd loved fishing with her brother as a child, but that she hadn't done it in a long time. Daryl promised her then that he would take her sometime – he even had two fishing rods and lots of lures that they could both use. Daryl had learned to fish at an early age, just like he'd learned how to hunt – but unlike many boys his age, he'd learned for an entirely different reason. Daryl fished and hunted for food, not for recreation, although as he'd gotten older he'd found that he found more and more enjoyment in it.
"Beth? What do you think?" Daryl asked again. All of a sudden he was desperate for her to respond.
But she didn't, Daryl had come to expect. But it was increasingly frustrating, Daryl thought, how she so selectively communicated with him now – nodding or shaking her head occasionally, but seemingly only at random times. At times he wanted to shake her, and try to force her to talk to him, but he knew he couldn't. But every day that passed with Beth not speaking only served to make Daryl more and more frustrated. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go on that way – being the only one that ever said a word was difficult for Daryl.
"Beth, baby, you've got to talk to me!" Daryl said, a little more forcefully than he should have.
Beth only looked up at him again – this time, though, her eyes had gained that wild look again, the look he'd seen only a few fleeting times in the last few days.
"Shit… I'm sorry, baby girl, I didn't meant it that way... I… uh… Damn it, I keep calling you that and I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't... that I need to stop. But… I just…" Daryl apologized. He'd called Beth "baby" more and more over the last few days and he'd told himself not to do it again every time, only to keep doing it. It always seemed to slide right out of his mouth before he realized it. He couldn't help but think in that moment that Beth's wild-eyed expression had something to do with that. He wanted to explain to her that it just came too naturally to him, but he didn't get the chance before he heard her hoarse, weak voice finally filling his ears for the first time since he'd stormed out of her house the previous Friday night.
"No… Don't stop… I like it".