So….Hi…Remember me?

I have no idea how six months have passed since I've update. I am so sorry and I hope there are people out there still reading!

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added it to their favorite and story alerts. Really does mean the world to me. Thanks again!

Enjoy!

I'm Not Fine

Leo wasn't entirely surprised when he knocked on Josh's hotel door the next morning and Donna answered.

"Hi…."

"Good morning." He smirked.

She rolled her eyes, knowing there was no good trying to come up with an excuse for being there at 6:40am.

"Come in." She stepped aside.

"Is he awake yet?"

"In the shower." She closed the door.

"Did he tell you?" Leo wanted to be sure.

"Yeah…" She sighed. "But that can't be all, can it? There must be something we can do?"

"I've made some calls…Got him an appointment with a specialist here for today." Leo told her.

"You're wasting your time."

They both turned and saw Josh in the doorway to the bathroom, already dressed and drying his hair with a towel.

"Josh…"

"I've already told you…I'm doing this my way."

"Just get a second opinion."

He sighed. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll call Dr. Mitchell and speak with him again."

"Why won't you see another doctor?" Donna asked.

"Because there is no point." He answered. "Because they will just run more tests that will say the same and there will be more people that know about this."

"Look, why don't we just head down for breakfast?" Leo suggested. "The Congressman is waiting for us…We can discuss this later."

"There's nothing to discuss." Josh replied, grabbing some folders off the bed and headed for the door.

Once he was gone, Leo turned to Donna and put a reassuring hand on her arm. "He's just trying to do what he thinks is right."

"Yeah but for who?" She asked. "Himself or the campaign?"

"This is Josh Lyman…" Leo smiled a little. "He's going to put the campaign first no matter what."

"But that's not right."

"It is for him." Leo shrugged.

"So, you agree with him? You agree he shouldn't fight this but instead carry on working."

"Of course I want him to fight this." He hissed. "But if there is nothing to fight…"

"If there is one chance…"

"He's got to be happy, Donna…If this is last thing he does then he will be happy." Leo cut her off. "That's what I want."

She turned her back to him to hide her tears; she just couldn't come to terms with a future without Josh.

"But I'm not just going to let this go…" He added. "I'm going to get him to the appointment today…I promise you."

XxXxX

Leo stuck close with both Josh and Donna throughout the morning. Josh barely spoke during the breakfast meeting and Donna stayed by his side. He could see Congressman Santos was watching them and Matt had already tried to corner him once, probably to find out what was going on.

He could understand Josh's reasons for not wanting people to know and any other time he would be able to accept it but it just seemed like they were giving up. That they were just going to let this thing win without putting up a fight. That wasn't who they were.

Looking around the room, he considered the team working on this election. Matt Santos was a good man…Would make a great president. Leo knew that if Matt thought for one minute that Josh was risking his health to get him elected then he would quit the campaign there and then.

Then there was Lou Thornton… Josh had needed someone like her on the trail. Someone who wasn't afraid to argue with him. He wondered what her reaction would be and couldn't help but think she would want to use it as PR.

Edie Ortega had known Josh for quite a while and Leo knew she would take him aside and point when he was being an ass but that's about it.

Otto, Bram, Lester, Ronna, Annabeth…none of them would know how to handle this.

They needed Sam and C.J and Toby. They needed to the President and the First Lady…They needed their family. The trouble was, right now they were all too far away and not just in distance. Since Sam had moved back to California, they didn't hear from him much. They knew he was doing well in his law firm but it meant he had been kept busy.

Then there was C.J…She had to distant herself from Josh before the nomination; they all had. Josh understood that, he knew it was how politics worked. Then afterwards, things got crazier and realistically, he knew that neither of them had time to call the other. He also wondered whether there was a part of C.J that felt guilty for getting the job that had rightly been Josh's. Despite all the time that had passed since his heart attack, he hadn't found the right time to talk to Josh and tell him the reason he recommended her not him was so he could leave to help elect the next President. Granted, he never thought his deputy would go and seek out an underdog of his own.

Toby was a different matter altogether. It would be political suicide for anyone on the campaign to contact him right now and Toby knew that better than anyone. Leo had been shocked when it was announced Toby was the leak but he knew that the other man would want put a big distant between himself and the Santos campaign. Despite his initial reservations about Matt Santos, Leo knew Toby wouldn't want to do anything to hurt the election.

The one person, he knew who would know what to say was the President. He, himself was in the middle of his own health battle and would have a little bit more of an understanding.

No matter what or where they all were, Leo knew that if they found out what was happening, they would drop everything to do anything Josh needed. He also knew that if he broke his promise and went behind Josh's back, he would never been forgiven.

Sighing, he refilled his coffee cup and sat beside Annabeth who immediately started to fill him in on his schedule for the day; only listening just enough for questions he needed to answer while his eyes stayed on the couple across the room.

One pretending like everything was normal…The other fussing and trying to take care of everything.

"Leo." Matt said from behind him, his hands in his pocket. "Could I have a word?"

Leo looked up at him, wondering what he could say to get out of the conversation. "Of course."

As he followed the congressman out of the room, he could feel Josh's eyes watching them.

"Is there anything I need to know?" Matt asked as soon as they were alone in the hallway.

"Sir?"

"I'm not dumb, Leo." Matt claimed. "Something is up with Josh…"

"Maybe you should talk to him…"

"And you're keeping this protective watch over him." Matt continued, refusing to be cut off. "What happened?"

Leo opened his mouth to spin some kind of story but Matt was right, he wasn't dumb and to try and lie his way would just make matters worse.

"You'll know when you need to know." Leo stated, calmly.

"Excuse me?" Matt's eyes narrowed.

"Sir, I understand you don't like being kept in the dark but trust me when I say I'll tell you what you need to know when you need to know."

Matt stayed silent for a few seconds, just looking at him and trying to work out what to believe. "Did you talk to the president like this?"

"Every day." Leo gave a single nod.

Matt sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine…but you're right, I don't like it."

"I wouldn't either, Sir." Leo claimed. "But believe me, sometimes you're better off not knowing."

"Not making me feel better, Leo." Matt said as he walked past him and back into the conference room.

"Yeah, me either." He muttered quietly to himself.

Before he could follow the younger man, Josh rushed out. "What was that about?"

Leo rolled his eyes. "We were talking about the pancakes…"

"Leo…"

"He knows something is up." Leo told him. "He was asking about it."

"Did you tell him?"

"What do you think?" Leo shot him a look.

"Sorry." He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I just…I don't want anything to damage the campaign."

"He would want to help, Josh….Everyone would want to help."

"And how do you think they'll feel when they can't?" He looked up at him again. "No, this way is better…This way nothing changes."

"Except in a few days, weeks or months…when you keel over and die…I think that will have an impact of everyone's lives." Leo said bluntly.

Josh shrugged. "Everyone has to die sometime…"

"Josh…"

"If it's my time then I'm doing it my way."

"So you keep saying…" Leo shook his head a little.

"I don't want to argue about this." He glanced back towards the room, making sure no one was the listening.

"Fine but just think about something for me..." Leo asked. "Think about how everyone in that room…everyone at the White House…The President, Abbey, C.J, Charlie, Zoey... Sam and Toby will feel if it breaks on CNN that you're sick…"

Josh watched him walk away and leaned back again the wall. There was a part of him that understood what Leo was saying and he would absolutely hate for everyone to find out that way but he still couldn't bring himself to change his mind. In fact, he wished he could back in time and spare Donna and Leo all this trouble.

TBC

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