A/N
Another flashback in Zero's POV. Longest chapter thus far and it's 4.50 am now so please let me know if there are any mistakes I may have made. I've been continuing my Korean craze and have recently completed City Hunter, starring the hottie Lee Min Ho. Thus, there are certain scenes here that are City Hunter inspired. For those who have too much free time awaiting examination results like me and fretting over them, like me, this is definitely a drama series worth your time! Enough with my ramblings and off with the story~

The beginning starts off with Zero's POV of the previous chapter. But this chapter will extend from there in the end.

I stood, staring at those three objects. I didn't know what to feel nor what to say. The anguish had numbed me. The past five years have numbed me.

Okāsan, Otōsan. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm alive. I'm sorry I'm a disgrace to the Kiryuu name. I'm sorry that your son is now the creature the Kiryuu legacy has hunted for generations. I'm sorry for being alive while you're all dead. I'm sorry that I've been living so pathetically for so long.

I don't deserve anything, least of all the temptation placed before me.
I don't deserve her, coming to me every night to stoke my hunger.
I don't deserve her, coming to me every night to ease the pain.

A shocking pang went through my body. I'm not permitted to have these thoughts.
But how could I forget her touch on my face, so warm and gentle, soft and kind. The last time a woman touched my face, she stole my humanity.
How could I ignore how her arms wrap around me so protectively. The last time I was held by a woman, she sucked the life out of me.
How could I dismiss her reassuring whispers in my ear, telling me that I was alright, that I was safe. The last time a woman held me close enough to whisper in my ear, she told me that I tasted delicious.
How could I deny the fact that the moment she touches me, I feel the pain dissipating bit by bit. The moment she cradles me in her arms, I regain a little of my sanity. The moment she holds me tightly, those deafening screams of mine seemed to grow fainter. The moment she whispers softly to me, I feel safe.

I push her away every time. Once the unfamiliar feeling evokes. Once I feel it sharply tugging my chest. I push her away.
I've only known pain. This feeling is its opposite.
I've only known agony. This feeling renders it negligible.
I'm terrified of the unknown. This feeling is unknown.

I fell to my knees. Okāsan, Otōsan, you died protecting Ichiru and I. Shizuka had to pry me from your hands, kāsan. Shizuka killed you just as you were screaming at her not to touch me. I watched both of you die. I just watched.
I was weak, I'm sorry.
I couldn't do anything, I'm sorry.
I couldn't protect any one of you, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that the remaining Kiryuu alive is this weak.

Okāsan, Otōsan, I don't deserve this feeling that I don't understand, this feeling that I've never felt. It feels right, but it's wrong for me to feel this way. I know I shouldn't have such pesky, interfering feelings. But these feelings were the best I've had for so long.

So, I'm sorry that I want to. I want to feel something other than the perpetual agony. I want to feel something other than the numbing cold.
I'm sorry, I want to be selfish.
I'm sorry, I want to feel.

I could smell you approaching. I started to tremble all over. Don't come in, I'm supposed to think, run far away from me, don't ever come in.
But instead, I was hoping that you would. Come in, please. I'm so tired, so exhausted from withstanding all this alone. Touch me with those hands of yours that can take the pain away. Hold me close to you, tempting me with blood I cannot take.

You came in. "Zero…" you started. I bit my lip, savouring the sound of my name from your lips. Why? Why do you say my name the way you do, almost as if I'm important to you, as if you would cry if anything happened to me.
"Why?" I asked.
"Why… what?"
"Why are you coming every night?" Why do you tempt me when I'm so desperately trying to push you away? Why is it that you thwart my every effort in getting you not to come in? Why is it that you insist on barging into my life now?
"I…" I cut you off before you could continue further, "Why would you continue coming when I push you out every night?
You sputtered something then faltered. Slowly you stepped closer to me, kneeling down next to me.

"Can I touch you?" you asked. Please, please touch me. Pat me gently to ease my pain, hold me close to warm me. Yes, please touch me. But I couldn't say that out loud.
You reached for me, I stopped breathing.
You placed your hand so tenderly on my cheek and I clenched. Afraid. I'm so afraid.
"I won't hurt you," you told me.
I turned away. "Why? Why would you continue this?" Why would you continue following me, putting up with my cowardice, putting up with my selfish behaviour.
"I'm nobody to you, why would you stay?" You're nobody to me either, why am I allowing you to stay?
"You're not a nobody. You're hurt. I… I want to heal you."
I smirked. Heal me? What is there to heal? What is there left of me to repair?

"Please, look at me," you murmured. I can't. How could I be so shameless as to look at you in the eye when I don't even deserve to have you in the same room as me? I can't look and drown in your cinnamon coloured eyes looking at me with the warmth and kindness that I don't deserve.
"You don't even know what's wrong with me, how would you heal me?"

Then, you did the unthinkable.
You wrapped your arms around me, as if you were protecting me. I cracked. This was exactly what I wanted, and it felt exactly the way I knew it would feel. It felt warm, safe. It felt right. It felt perfect.
Precisely the kind of feeling I shouldn't have.
"Stop it. Stop acting as if you know everything, stop acting as if you could cure me. Let go of me now." I growled at you. Let go of me, for your own sake. Please let go.
"I hear you talking in your sleep. I know that much."
I froze. All this while you've held me through the nightmares, but I didn't know that I would talk in my sleep. I didn't know that you would be listening. I didn't know how much I've said. I grimaced inwardly; I must look like a snivelling coward to you, a helpless useless bastard. That's what I am.

"What do I say?"
"You ask that woman to stop. You ask her to let go. You ask her to leave. But she didn't, did she? She took everything away from you. She hurt you." Your words are triggering that reaction again. I'm trembling uncontrollably. I've stopped breathing. I shut my eyes, trying to tune out those screams, trying to block out those bloody visions. Okāsan, Otōsan, I'm watching both of you die again. And the scene is replaying again and again. Each time, I'm unable to do anything. Every time, again and again and again, she comes for me. And without fail, I die in every single scene.

You stroke my back, whispering words to comfort me. "Shhh, she's not here. She can't hurt you. You're safe now, I promise." I knew, that you couldn't possibly promise such a thing. I knew that you couldn't possibly magically cure me. But your words were good to hear. Things that I shouldn't listen to.
"Shut up… shut up…"
"I'm sorry. Shhh, you're okay now. I'll take care of you."
You pulled me closer to you, closer than we've ever been before. It's so wrong but it feels every kind of perfect this way.

"It hurts." I finally forced myself to say. Yes, it did. It hurt to know that this will never last.
"Sorry… sorry…" you let go of me. You thought you were holding me too tightly. You can never hold me too tightly. You weren't even holding me tight enough.
We stared at each other as I hoisted you up. What next? What is there to say now?
"I'll… I'll leave now. Sorry," you turned to leave.

No, don't leave me. Not now. It's cold tonight. Please don't leave me tonight. Their deaths are sure to haunt me tonight, even worse than usual. I'm scared. I'm terrified. Stay with me and comfort me like you always do. Stay, just this night, for me.

"Don't."
You turned back to look at me. You were probably so used to me shoving you out that hearing me tell you not to is surprising. Yes, I surprised myself too. I bowed my head, unable to look you in the eye, unable to plead with you to stay. I stood there for a moment. Neither of us moved.
Why would you stay? You had no reason to stay. I shuffled to bed, attempting to mumble an apology for behaving so peculiarly, but you slipped in after me.

I jolted a little, surprised that you would comply. "I've slipped into bed with you several times now, while you were sleeping," you told me.
"I know."
I can feel her eyes on me, watching me. But most of all, I felt calm. For the first time in so many years, I'm going to bed, feeling calm, feeling at peace. For the first time, I'm going to bed with a woman who did not just want to fuck me. I'm going to bed with a girl who would hold me as I'm struggling, who would whisper soft words to comfort me, and would attempt, in vain, to heal me. This feeling, is pure… utter… bliss.
Oh God, I don't deserve this feeling.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't be feeling this way. Not after everything I've been through. A monster like me deserves nothing close to this feeling of almost-happiness.

Her staring was getting uncomfortable. What is there to stare at? Is my face that pale? Are my fangs showing? I closed my mouth even tighter. Are my irises turning crimson? I squeezed my eyes shut.
"You're staring." I stated.
I could feel you turning away, blushing deep red. "No, I'm not," you insisted.
Silence hung in the air for a minute.
"Thank you," I managed to utter.
You pulled yourself closer to me. Thank you for being here tonight, and for keeping those demons at bay tonight. Thank you for giving me something to feel.
Neither of us slept that night, neither of us spoke further either.

"Hey, Zero?" you propped yourself up to check if I was awake.
"What?"
"We're watching the sunrise together," you said with a tone of contentment, satisfaction.
Your words gave me butterflies in my stomach.
You're the first woman I've slept with that is contented by such simple matters.
You're the first woman I've slept with who is content with just lying next to me, without speaking a word.
You're the first woman I'm greeting the morning with.
And those facts further amplified that feeling of almost-happiness.

"The sun rises every morning." I muttered curtly, still unable to get over this feeling.
You jabbed me in the ribs.
I jolted. Which is a normal reaction. But you seemed so amused by it that you attempted it several times more.
"Stop it. It's not funny."
"But your reaction is hilarious," you laughed.
I got up and you followed suit, still attempting to poke me, your attempts interrupted by squeals as I swatted your hands away from me.
"Stop now." Your hair is all messed up but there's a glow to your face as you smile and laugh. I made you smile and laugh.
I, the king bastard, managed to put a smile on someone's face. I almost smiled myself.
I caught your hands and repeated, "Stop. Now."
You pouted a little and said, "Fine. Let me use the bathroom first and I'll get us breakfast while you're getting ready?"

What?
I was breaking all those rules Kaito taught me, which I was subconsciously attempting to use on you.
1. Never get them wet - in other words, don't let them take a shower at your place.
2. Keep them away from sunlight - i.e., don't ever see them during the day
3. Never feed them after midnight - meaning, she doesn't sleep over, and you don't have breakfast with her. Ever - And brunch is not cool.

"No, I'm fine now. I'm sorry to have taken up your time." I tried to usher you out the door.
"Make it up to me, then. Take me out for brunch." There go rules 2 and 3.
Before I could protest, you changed your mind.
"Hmm… that's not expensive enough. Dinner tonight then. It's a date!"
If Kaito were here, he would be screaming his lungs out about her having the upper hand.
And before I could protest, you had left my apartment with a "Bye!" closing the door behind.

Relief. I'm supposed to be relieved now that you've left.
But I'm feeling this mixture of pain and joy.
I liked the feeling of your body so near mine. I liked the feeling of your hands on my skin. I liked the fact that you always had that happy, sincere, warm smile reserved for me.
And it hurt, because I knew I deserved none of it, because I was bound to hurt you.

I want to be selfish. Please, even if it is an hour, even if it is a minute. I want to feel the joy, without feeling the accompanying pain. I want to feel warm, without the storm clouds above me. I want to feel safe, without the knowledge that this carpet is going to be pulled under my feet at any moment. I want to feel you near me, without the threat of losing you at any moment.

I laid down, unable to continue thinking and let sleep take over for now.

My mother stood before me, her hands bloody.
"Who do you think you are? What makes you think you deserve anything? You're weak. You deserve nothing. You deserve this life. You deserve to live this way. Nothing more." She reached out to me.

My father gave one disappointed look at me, a look I know too well.
"I raised you to be a better man. Not someone this weak. Not someone who is unable to protect anyone or anything. Not someone who can't even protect himself. This is all your fault."

Ichiru… Ichiru! He stared at me, those kind eyes looking at me.
"Zero niichan, I thought you were going to take care of me. I thought you would protect me. Why didn't you? Why couldn't you?"

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Forgive me please.
Yes, I deserve this kind of life that's barely human. No, I don't deserve anything more, I don't deserve anything better. I'm sorry for disappointing all of you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, very sorry.

"Zero… Zero… Shh. It's okay now. It's okay." It's a nightmare. A very true nightmare. I don't deserve to wake up to her comforting arms. I deserve nothing of this sort.

I gripped the hand in mine, feeling the warmth through my cold sweat.

"It's okay. I'm here now. Nothing's going to happen."

I slowly opened my eyes, adjusting my eyes to the dim light from the lamp outside my window.
"I'm here. Don't worry. You're safe now."
I closed my eyes back, unable to look at her eyes that I knew were staring at me. I was trembling terribly and attempted to shrug her hands off me. I must look like such a coward, a pathetic mess.

"What are you doing here?" I finally managed to ask.
"We have a date, remember?"
Well, after you've seen me in my pathetic state, would you still date me?
Apparently you could read minds because you continued, "Don't think that this lets you off the hook. I couldn't think of where to go, so I bought some steak and wine. As a gentleman, you'll foot the bill so you can pay me back later. You still have to dress up even if we're not going anywhere alright?"
Gently, you led me to the bathroom and pushed me in. "Take a shower. I'll prepare."

My mind went numb for a moment. The part of me that was causing my fangs to elongate was in overdrive. I'm hungry. I'm very very hungry. Quickly, I blasted the cold shower all over myself. Calm down. Calm down now. You can't lose it. Not now. Not ever.
Just because she comes to you every night, doesn't mean she's yours to take.
Just because she promised to take care of you doesn't mean that you can use her to take care of your every animalistic need.
Just because you feel different around her, doesn't mean she's different.
Wake up, Zero. Wake up, from this sweet dream and step back into your cruel reality.

I swallowed hard, pulling my face up to receive the full blast from the shower head. Wake up, Zero. Wake up.
I grabbed the tin of blood tablets and took as much as my body could handle. This would have to do, for now.

Something was burning. I could smell it, even without my vampire senses.
I shut the shower and was about to step out when I realized that I had almost nothing on. Not if you consider the wet clothes plastered to my body as something. But something was definitely burning.
I poked my head out through the door.
"Are you trying to burn my house down?"
"No, I'm trying to cook."
Good lord. "Switch off the stove and step away from it. Now."
Hastily, I peeled off my wet clothes and dried myself, pulling on a pair of jeans from yesterday that I hadn't managed to launder.

As I stepped out, I barked at her, "Get out of my kitchen." Way to kick off a date.
She had backed away from the stove but still gently prodding the blackened slab what used to be meat from afar with a spatula. "Get lost," I took it out of her hands. Strike 2 for me.
She pouted, and then watched me as I attempted damage control.
"I knew this would happen so I bought extra. Can you take over?" she asked, giving me a puppy dog face that could rival any real puppy dog I've ever seen.
I 'hmmphed' and did as she asked; the sucker I am.
"Great! I'll set the table."
If not because I was busy cooking dinner, I would have slammed my head several times against the wall to punish the idiot residing in my brain.

I placed the second slab of meat down on the plate and looked up to see her smiling happily at me.
"What?"
"You look so good when you're cooking."
I looked away from her and turned to wash the oily pan. Her words had turned off my vampire part and turned on another part I was unfamiliar with.
"Here. I got it from your closet." You handed a black shirt to me, one that I only had a hazy memory of wearing once; and even then due to council requirements/demands. Read: Chairman's tears, persistence, threats and underhanded conniving methods.
"Put it on! You have to dress up for our date!" you insisted, shoving it in my face.
I give up. You win. I'll let you have your stupid date. I dried my hands and pulled on the shirt.
"There. Happy?" Judging from your facial expression, you were one truly satisfied woman. I wonder if you would wear this expression when I… Let's not go there. The hot blooded male in me needs to switch off, as soon as possible.

You had set the table with candles and flowers. I assume that's going into my bill as well.
And you had dressed up too. Your hair was coiled into a loose side bum, the loose strands perfectly framing your face. You were wearing a short, sleeveless dress with a cinched waist; sexy without the slutty. And you were wearing perfume tonight; it smelled of red apples and apricots. Absolutely delicious.
"Did you change or something?" Because I don't remember you in this when you were pushing me to the bathroom.
"Yeah. While you were cooking. Do you like it?" you gave a little twirl.
Yes, I do. But I just buttoned up my shirt and sat down without a word.
"Do the honours." You handed me the bottle of wine. I complied and poured two glasses.

We ate in silence. I know now, how terrible this sort of silence is to your ears.
"You know something?"
I raised an eyebrow.
"You're such an ass."
"Excuse me?"
"Women hit on you all the time at the bar. I occasionally see you going off with a few and yet, this is how you treat women."
"How do I treat women?"
"Like… like… like this! Like you absolutely don't give a damn."
"You get hit on by men too." Yes, I've noticed you, probably more than you've noticed me.
"Well, I don't follow them home."
"That's a relief." I blurted. Shit.
"Why is that a relief?"
Damage control time.

"They might be so dissatisfied and stop coming to the bar. Your boss would not be happy that you're driving customers away."
You opened your mouth indignantly. Then closed it. Then opened it again.
"You… you…" Then something clicked in your mind and you smiled.
"That's the longest sentence I've heard from you."
I didn't deign that with any response.
You continued smiling, as you cut your meat and ate it. I kept my head down too, afraid that you might see the way you were affecting me. During the few moments that I did look up, our eyes would meet and both of us quickly looked away. You would bite your lower lip. I would just cut furiously.

I finished eating first and continued to sip the wine. "I bought a few bottles." You ventured.
"That's good."
"Do you like it?"
"Yeah." I could be drinking plain water right now and still be this happy.
"You're paying."
"I know." You stared at me again, with the look that said that you were looking right through my facade and into my soul.
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry."

I kept quiet for a moment. This would be a good time to brusquely brush you off and usher you out the door. Instead, I asked, "For what?"

"For everything."
"Like?"
"Everything bad that happened to you."
You had finished eating by then and were looking at me intently. I didn't trust myself enough to speak.
"I meant every word I said." You took a deep breath before continuing, "When I said I would try to heal you, I meant it."
"It's not your responsibility to mend me."
"I want to."
"It's not necessary."
"Why won't you let me?"
You poured yourself a second glass of wine.
"Because it's not something you should get involved in."
"Why not?"
"It doesn't concern you."
"I'm making it my business."

I'm about ready to pull out my hair in exasperation.
"Why the hell would you?"
You poured yourself a fourth glass of wine and didn't reply, instead saying, "This wine really is good."
I collected our dishes and dumped them into the sink.
"Then we should just drink and shut up." I suggested.
You grinned at me, "I agree." And carried 2 bottles of wine over to the sofa.
We forwent the glasses and drank from our own bottle straight.

"You're really good looking, you know." You started rambling after half a bottle.
You wouldn't remember what I say anyway. "You're really beautiful too." I mumbled.
You took another huge gulp and said, "But you're an asshole."
"Why do you say that?"
You turned and stared at me, giving me a shy smile. "I've lost count of the number of women you leave with."
I started to down wine like nobody's business.
"Zero?"
"Hmm?"
"How does a one night stand feel like?" I looked at you closely, wondering if this was an innocent question or a snide remark. You were looking genuinely curious.
"You've never tried?" You shook your head. Your face was really red and your eyes were barely open.
I swallowed. "It feels like nothing."
You stared at me.
Then gave me a smack.

"What was that for?"
"How can it feel like nothing? You're lying." You smacked me again, lost your balance and fell onto me.
I must be a very comfortable pillow for you snuggled closer, placing your head to the crook of my neck and shoulder. I didn't push you away, opting instead to place and arm around your waist. At this point, I was not sure if it was me or the alcohol.
"I'm not. It feels like nothing. It feels… empty."
Yes, I've had one night stands, when the days felt too lonely to withstand alone, when the nights were too cold. When I need to extract information regarding a vampire. When I feel like I'm dead. But I can barely remember the last time I had a one night stand.
"The blonde was really pretty."
"Who?"
"The last girl I saw you leaving with."
"When was that?"
"Hmm… 2 or 3 months ago?"
"That's really long ago."
"Zero?"
"What?"
"What sort of girls do you like?"
I took a few swigs and turned to look at her through my alcohol fogged eyes and mind.

"Brunette. Small. Pretty smile." You smiled at my words.
I took a few gulps again. Gingerly, I ran my fingers through your hair, undoing the loose bun which was messed up already. "Soft hair," I murmured, twining your hair with my fingers. Tell me to stop. Tell me to stop touching you. Because I can't stop myself.
I finished the last of my 2nd bottle. And continued running my fingers from your hair to your face. "Beautiful face," I whispered. You gently placed your hand over mine, holding it to your face.

I stopped breathing for a moment, fearing that you'll tell me to stop
"Your hands are rough."
"Sorry." I tried to take it away.
"No!" You protested. "Shows that you're a man." You smiled contentedly as you leaned towards me and pressed my hand to your face.
You stared at me with sleepy eyes. "Have I told you how handsome you are?"
"No. Tell me."
You placed your hand on my cheek and started tracing my features. "Your eyebrows are perfectly shaped," you traced the arch of my brow. "Your eyes are such a unique colour… I don't know what colour it is," you placed your fingers at the corner of my eyes. I had one hand around your waist and one hand on your face. But these hands weren't content merely being stagnant when your hand was exploring my face. Your hand went southbound to my neck. "And that tattoo… Such a badass aren't you?" you laughed. I brushed strands of your hair away from your face and let my other hand wander across the curve of your waist and hips.

"I'm awful." I told you.
You stared at me with half-closed eyes. You really couldn't hold your alcohol, could you.
"So?"
"So what the hell are you doing here?"
"Doing… what?"
"I'm a man, you know."
You smiled and blushed. "I'm very aware."
"I'm the kind of man who has one night stands."
"I know."
"I'm the kind of man who doesn't care to remember her name in the morning."
"Okay."
"I'm the kind of man who would hurt you."
"Mm hmm."
"So why aren't you out the door yet?"

There was no reply from you. I peered down. You were sleeping peacefully. Your head buried at the crook of my neck, one hand around my chest, the other clutching my side.
It was like an angel was taking a nap in my arms.
You shifted uncomfortably but maintained physical contact with me.
I took hold of your legs and placed them across mine, so that now you were fully resting on me.
I couldn't take my eyes off you.
I feel my breath hitch in my throat as I watch you sleeping peacefully in my arms.
This is new to me. Is it new to you too? I know now that it's not.
I've never felt this way before. I know now that you never felt this way towards me at all.
I've never felt this kind of desire before, this burning desire that trumps the hunger.

I pulled my face nearer to yours, just to inspect you.
What is it exactly that makes you so brave as to attempt to heal me?
Is it your food or some vitamins or some new age rubbish they hawk on the internet?
I feel unusually warm, I assume it's the wine.
I felt unusually brave too, again I'm assuming it's the wine.
I pulled my face nearer and nearer to yours.

Your lips are half an inch away from mine.
I'm sorry, but I think I want to kiss you.

A/N
Kaito's rules are taken from another one of my favourite shows, How I Met Your Mother Season 5 opener. For the incredibly bored and lazy, here's the link: .

As for Yuki's scent, I envision her wearing DKNY Be Delicious Fresh Blossom.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!