So, hi… Remember me? So, really sorry about the lack of updates but I'm still around….
Thank you to all that have reviewed so far. I promise to try harder with this story!
Enjoy
I'm Not Fine
"So, what's on the agenda for this afternoon?" Helen Santos asked as she ate lunch with her husband, Josh and Leo.
"There's a meet and greet." Josh answered and then glanced at Matt. "Lou will go with you."
"Lou?" Matt repeated with a frown. "I thought you were coming."
"Change of plan…Leo has an appointment." Josh answered casual causing Leo to send him a questioning look but thankfully didn't comment.
"An appointment? One that you need to go to?"
Josh sighed and ran a hand over his eyes. He knew that Donna and Leo would not leave him alone until he had seen another doctor so had decided to go to the appointment Leo had set up but he still did not want the Congressman to know. "It's no big deal…"
"It's with my doctor." Leo added, realizing that Matt wasn't going to let this go. "Josh is coming along in case the campaign gets any questions…He'll know how to handle it."
Matt looked from Leo to Josh. "You don't think that's a little much? I mean, is it necessary for you to go with him?"
"He likes to worry." Leo commented, glancing at his watch. "Actually we better get going…"
"Right now?" Matt asked.
"Look, Lou has everything you need." Josh ran a hand through his hair, anxiously. "Just call me if there anything else."
"Josh?" Matt got to his feet at the same time. "Everything is okay, isn't it?"
"I said…"
"I know what you said." Matt cut in.
"Yes, Sir…" He nodded. "I really should get going."
"We'll talk later?" Matt questioned, letting him know that he wasn't done asking about it.
"Yeah." Was all Josh said before he turned and left.
"Leo?" Matt stood his VP candidate before he told their campaign manager. "If there is a problem then I should know…"
"Congressman, trust me…It's just a checkup." Leo stated then took his chance to escape, nodding his goodbye to Mrs. Santos.
"Matt?" Helen called out when her husband stayed where he stood, staring at the door where both Leo and Josh had disappeared through.
"Hmm?" He turned at the sound of his voice to face her, snapping out of his private thoughts.
"Everything okay?"
"They're keeping something from me."
"Leo and Josh?"
"Yeah, there is something happening…" He sighed and moved to join her back at the table. "I spoke to Leo about it this morning at the breakfast meeting…"
"And what did he say?"
"That I would know when I needed to know." He informed her. "And that I should trust him."
"But you don't?"
"It's not that simple, is it? I mean, there is no doubt that those two are the best there is in the Democratic Party…hell, maybe even in politics." He ran a hand over his eyes. "They're master at getting people elected…No matter what…even if it means hiding something."
"You think they're hiding something that will damage the campaign?"
"You think that there is something that wouldn't affect the campaign?"
Helen let out a sigh. "Honey, I'm not a political mastermind but like you said, those two are… If there was a problem, they're dealing with it so let them…they'll tell you when you need to know."
"I guess you're right."
"I'm normally am." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Now come on…We better go find Lou."
XxXxX
Leo studied Josh closely as they sat in the doctor's office waiting for Dr. Levi to return. He had briefly spoken with Josh, now he had gone to look over his notes and to call Josh's doctor back in Washington. Josh had tried to tell Leo that he didn't need to come with him but he needed to hear what the doctor had to say for himself. He was surprise that the younger man had not argued when he insisted on joining him.
He had thought there would be a problem earlier when Donna had started to follow them out to the car before Josh stopped her, telling her that he needed her to work with Bram since both he and Leo were not going to be there. Donna hadn't taken the news well but Josh wouldn't budge. She had only reluctantly agreed when she was reassured that Leo was going to be there with him.
Watching him now, Leo was surprised at how calm he seemed to be. He was taping away on his cell phone, no doubt contacting people and getting information about the campaign. To watch him you would never be able to tell that there was anything wrong with him…That he hadn't been told he was dying.
Leo wondered whether it was some kind of delayed shock or if he had accepted the fact and was just trying to live out his final wishes.
"…Do you think the President will comment about it?"
Leo snapped back to attention when he realized Josh was talking to him. "About the cancer?"
"What? No, I told you I didn't want anyone else to know." Josh stated, frowning and looking away from his cell. "Leo, you haven't said anything…"
"Of course not!" Leo cut in. "I just wasn't paying attention to what you were saying…"
"I don't want anyone else to know." Josh repeated.
"So, you keep saying…"
"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting…" Dr. Levi reentered the room.
"No problem, Doctor…Like, I said earlier we appreciate you being able to fit us in and also you discretion." Leo answered.
Leo had to pull some strings to get the last minute appointment with the esteemed doctor, who had been considerate enough to allow them to enter the office through the back so they wouldn't be seen.
"Of course, Sir." Levi replied, sitting down behind the desk.
Leo glanced towards Josh when the doctor remained silent and saw that his attention was once again on the cell phone. Leo rolled his eyes and stretched his leg across to kick Josh's foot of the top of his other leg that it was resting on, gaining his attention.
Josh jumped, looking at Leo then to Levi as he sat up straight. "Sorry, just sending a quick email."
"I know it's a busy time for you." Levi smiled understandingly.
"But now you have our full attention, right Josh?" Leo sent him a look.
"Yeah, of course."
"Well, I've spoken with Dr. Mitchell and he went over your results with me…I've also looked at them myself and I'm sorry to say I have to agree with the diagnosis."
"So, the cancer is back?" Leo asked.
"Yes, I'm afraid it has returned." He answered sympathetically. "Josh, Dr. Mitchell told me that you had blood tests and a bone marrow test as well as a MRI?"
"Yeah, I've been having regular checkups since beating the cancer…"
Levi nodded his understanding. "Well, it was the bone marrow biopsy that the cancer was detected and since there has been a long interval since you last had treatment then we would normally suggest that we treat you with an aggressive cause of chemotherapy however the MRI scan revealed that the cancer has progressed further then we would like…"
"So, the chemo would do no good?" Leo needed to hear the actual words from the doctor.
"There's about 1 per cent change of it working but past cases have shown us that even if does work, the cancer normally returns later." He explained gently. "However there is other treatment available…"
"No."
"Josh." Leo gave him another look.
"No, Leo… I know what he's going to say." Josh stated. "I know what the other treatment is…It's not going to cure me…"
"No but it can help make you a lot more comfortable." Levi cut in. "Josh, you're probably aware that leukemia grows in the bone marrow so you will be experiencing a lot of pain…You probably already are…Radiation can help ease the pain…"
"I appreciate it, Doctor, I do but I don't want to stop living my life so I can go die in a hospital." Josh said bluntly.
"I understand your reasons, Josh but we can help you." Levi replied. "I would suggest that you have a blood transfusion since you have a low blood count and that should help with fatigue… I would also recommend you get a high calorie food supplement if you suffer with nausea or loss of appetite."
"Yeah, I remember that from the last time…" Josh replied.
"There are also strong pain medications that I can prescribe when it starts to get too much but I can't stress enough that travelling all over the country and working the hours that you do, will not do you any favors."
"The election is in a few weeks after that'll go home and do whatever you recommend…" Josh answered.
"Josh, you need to prepare yourself for this." The doctor advised. "Yourself and your love ones…"
"Doctor, just how long are we talking about here?" Leo asked, noticing the look on Levi's face when Josh said he would wait until after the election.
"Like Dr. Mitchell already said, it's difficult to predict but I need to warn you that your current lifestyle will seriously affect it." He stated. "The chances of you picking up an infection are higher and that will cause complications, also the added stress put onto your body and your heart…"
"Are you saying he might not have a couple of weeks?" Leo barely spoke above a whisper as he stared at the man in front of him in shock.
He shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry, I cannot answer that but yes complications can cause a rapid decline."
Leo pushed himself to his feet, not being able to sit any longer. He brought his hand up to rub his temple as he tried to get his brain to take all this in. Josh hadn't been wrong…He was going to die…they were going to lose him…and it could be any day now.
"Josh, Dr. Mitchell said he gave you some information? Some recommendations of someone to talk to about all this?"
"Yeah."
"I suggest you give them a call." Levi stated. "I can certainly understand why you would wish to continue to work but you're going to need some support if you do…"
Josh took a deep breath and nodded. He was actually starting to feel a little numb about the whole thing…It was as if it wasn't happening to him but at least this way, it meant he could focus on the campaign.
"I'll give you my number and anytime you need to call for advice or you have any problems then please don't hesitate." He scribbled some notes down on a piece of paper as well as his number before handing it to Josh. "I advise that if you do start experiencing a lot of pain you get a hold of Dr. Mitchell or me for some painkillers before it gets too bad and the same with an infection… If you even think that you may be developing a cold, then you'll need antibiotics straight away…"
"Okay, thank you, Doctor." Josh stood up and held out a hand.
"Good luck, Josh…" Levi got to his feet too. "And good luck with the campaign…"
"Thank you." Josh repeated, simply before he had nothing else to say. "Leo?"
"Yeah?"
"We should get back…" Josh said, noticing that Leo hadn't been paying attention to them.
"Right…" Leo watched Josh putting his jacket on. "Right."
"I think I saw a Starbucks on the way here…I could do with a coffee right now." Josh commented as walked down the corridor, Leo slightly behind Josh and his secret service agents who had been waiting outside the office behind Leo.
Leo waited until they were in the back of the car before turning to look at him. "How are you so calm?"
Josh kept his eyes focused on the window. "I really have no idea…"
Leo reminded silent and they both lapsed into deep thought. There had been a part of him that had thought Josh had it wrong…that he hadn't been listening to the doctor when he said there was no treatment or that he refused the chemo because it would mean quitting the campaign. Now he had heard it straight from the doctor himself and although he would give anything for Josh to receive the right treatment that would stop any pain and would make him comfortable, he couldn't help but think what he would want if he was in Josh's situation.
If it were him he would never quit his job…If it were him he would want one last shot at the presidency…If it were him he would want to do things his way and not have people treat him differently….
If it were him he would do exactly what Josh is doing.
TBC
Please review!
(PS, I'm no doctor so the little knowledge I do know is from internet research, please excuse any medical mistakes.)