A/N
Zero's POV in the present, when he's over at Cheongug training new vampire hunters. Currently really stressed out, thus this chapter is shorter than usual and is meant as a personal stress reliever. Thank you for putting up with my rantings and I'll leave you to read in peace now. =)

They were mere boys, all of them barely 15. Still young, still innocent. I watched as they filed into line as instructed, watched as they fooled around with each other. When I was that age, I had lost everything. I listened as they discussed a pretty girl they spotted somewhere. When I was their age, I was busy fighting other desires.

Then again, even before I had lost everything, I didn't have anything to begin with.

I was the son of a Hunter noble class, with an unbeaten legacy. I was one of two heirs, and was supposed to be the better one of the two. Hence, I was given the treatment and training that was beyond normal, because I was deemed to have abilities that were beyond normal.
I could run faster than others, so they pushed me to run faster and further.
I had higher endurance than others, so they made me go against each and every other trainee and trainer in succession.
I was stronger than others, so they forced me to fight harder, train longer and withstand more pain.
I had no childhood, even from before.

They were running 5 laps within 10 minutes. Yagari and Dad used to force me to run 7 laps in 8 minutes, the number of laps increasing and the time decreasing as the days went by.
They were practicing one on one sparring. I used to take on five or more alone.
I used to run laps, come rain come shine. I used to fight in different conditions against successive opponents, in the mud, on the rooftop, barehanded, normal weapons, hunter weapons; come what may.
And every time I failed, Dad would look at me disapprovingly and refuse to speak to me, Yagari would tell him not to push me so hard and he would say, "He's the sole Kiryuu heir. He needs to be strong."
My training continued, getting more difficult and strenuous with time, pushed to my human limits each time.

It was no different at home either. I was pushed to the edge mentally as well.
I was trained to be cold, feelingless. Because feelings are a hindrance to our duty.
My mother was cold; I can't remember the last time she touched me before the day Shizuka attacked. But I've seen how she embraces Ichiru, how she makes his favourite tomato soup with diligence, how she makes sure that he's comfortable whereas I came home soaking wet, covered in bruises and nobody cared.
I was trained to be desensitised, an extra exercise my father threw in for me in secret. I was thrown into an empty room for days, to train me to keep my sanity. That was probably how I managed to remain sane for so long after Shizuka bit me.

Only Ichiru treated me like family, like the brother that I was to him. He idolised me, depended on me; and I loved him and hated him at the same time. I hated that he was loved while I was trained not to love. I hated that he would be warmly embraced whereas I would be left alone. I hated that my parents treated him like a son and treated me like a trophy to be polished every day. I was jealous and so angry, so confused as to why I had to be singled out this way, so hurt. But Ichiru was my only source of warmth, so I loved him anyway.

These recruits in front of me now, I wonder what's their story. How many of them really want to be Hunters? How many of them are only here because of familial obligation? How many of them are being forced into this? I leaned against the wall, brooding. They were all uncomfortable around me. I wore the scent of a vampire and a hunter at the same time. But then again, I didn't need their friendship. I was there as a consultant trainer.

As I watched their training progress, my resentment grew more and more bitter.
Why did I have to grow up the way I did? Just because I was the stronger twin?
Why did I have to lose everything? Just because I couldn't protect them? Because I wasn't strong?
Why did the powers that be give me something to hold on to then wrench it away so cruelly?
Why did I have to fall in love with a woman who hurt me this way?
What have I ever done to deserve these… misfortunes.

Hugs and gentle touches, comforting hands and loving words were things I've never had from before, what more since Shizuka's attack. They were things that were never meant to be mine, things I've long since given up on. Things I didn't dream of having, because I knew the consequences of desiring them.
I've tried not to think of it, but one too many one night stands left me yearning for more than just a body to satisfy my carnal needs. But, I shoved those impossible dreams away, keeping the hopes and wishful thinking at bay.

And then you came along, pulling me into your arms as if I was important, embracing me as if I meant something to you, comforting me as if my happiness was pivotal. And I fell for your act, lapped it all up like a starved dog, because that was what I was. Starved, hollow, empty. And you promised all the things I wanted but couldn't achieve, all the things I've never had; that for once, I caved in to temptation. I fell in love with you, gave all I had to you, gave you the heart I didn't know I possessed, gave you the soul I thought had been snatched away.

Chairman, you were right. Before I left, you had asked me, "Does it hurt that much?" I didn't answer you. Yes, it hurts that much. It hurts that much and so much more. You asked again, "It hurts enough to make a Hunter run?" Yes, it hurts that much, more than enough to make me run, more than enough to make me want to die on the spot. Then you had asked the very question I didn't know how to answer.

"Will not seeing her ease your pain?" No. No, it doesn't. This pain will never go away. This pain will remain in me continuing to torment me, to haunt me, to squeeze the non-existent life out of me. This pain, this agony… is beyond words. Whether or not I see her, is not a matter of making the pain go away, it's a matter of whether the pain will get worse more quickly or more slowly.

The weather here is harsh, the ground covered in snow, a thunderstorm brewing ahead. I lay in bed that night thinking of Yuki again. Thinking if her being afraid of thunderstorms was an act or was for real, and if it was for real, who was comforting her tonight. Were her lack of cooking skills an act to get close to me or for real, and if it was for real, who was making her favourite ginger pork stir fry, if it truly was her favourite. Wondering if she was wondering about me too.

"Zero…" You're speaking to me. This is unbelievable. "Zero!" You slowly walked towards me. Please, hurry and reach me, hurry and touch me gently, hurry, before this rare sweet dream ends. You brushed my bangs away from my eyes. I closed my eyes, afraid to see you disappear, like you always do in each of my dreams.

"I'm here."
Cautiously, I opened my eyes again. You're still here. This is absolutely ridiculous. I reached out a hand to cup your face. You smile at me with tears in your eyes. "Don't cry," I told you, even though my own eyes are blurred. "This is one of those rare good dreams, please don't cry." You sobbed and laid down next to me. I wondered if I had finally gone mad, finally fallen to Level E, because these dreams are so sweet that it's bitter.

I wrapped my arms around you. You buried your face in my chest, your small hands gripping fistfuls of my shirt, just like you always do when there's a storm outside.
"I'll take care of you. Don't cry."
You promised the same thing to me. And tonight, that's exactly what your apparition is doing. The Yuki of my dreams is holding me tonight, and that's all I need right now. The you in front of me may be a dream, but who says dreams can't be better than reality.

A/N
The question now is whether I should make his dreams come true. Thank you for reading and I appreciate all the support and feedback given.