A/N:
This chapter starts off with a short paragraph which is a continuation of the dream sequence in ch16. After that the body of the story is the continuation of the almost-kiss situation in ch15, first in Zero's POV, then in Yuki's POV, then Zero's again. Sorry if it's getting confusing just PM me if you can't figure it out.

I'm still dreaming, but she's still here, right next to me, sleeping in my arms like she used to. I haven't dared to close my eyes, afraid that once I open them again, she'll be gone. Let me have this little bit of sweetness, for as long as it can last. I brushed the brown locks off her face, and leaned in, finally closing my eyes. I want to kiss you, but you'll disappear once I do and I can't bear to watch you go. Like angels, you'll disappear once I wake up. Because angels only exist in my dreams.

A drunk girl on a guy's lap, alone, in his apartment.
Kaito would say that the story should end with large grins.
But how would our story end?

I'm sorry. I want to kiss you so badly. It may be because of the alcohol. However, people say that drunken people are the most honest, because there is no self-restraint anymore. So, following that argument, it follows that I am currently my most honest self; the boy who wants to kiss her is the true, completely honest version of me.

The tips of our noses are touching. Your fingers tightened slightly, but enough to raise the flags. I knew that you were conscious now. And you may be drunk, but you weren't completely unaware of what I would do to you next.

I came closer, just to test my limits, just to see how far you would let me go.
Our lips were close, just a slight tilt of my head and they would meet. But I didn't. I lingered there, neither retracting nor progressing. Your fingers continued to tighten, but you didn't push me away, just squeezed your eyes shut. I knew enough about women to know that you would have jumped up immediately if you didn't want me to kiss you. And it's only rational to think that if you wanted me to kiss you then you were probably emotionally invested in me already.
Which was exactly what I couldn't have. But – goddamnit! – I want to kiss you.

I tilted my head upwards.

And planted the smallest, lightest kiss on your forehead. I saw a flash of disappointment across your face but you continued to feign sleep, snuggling closer to my chest. I have to leave now, I can't have you here next to me, lest I continue kissing you. "Thank you," I murmured. Thank you for allowing me to hold you, thank you for holding me every night, thank you for letting me have that one, fleeting kiss. I lifted you up; you wrapped your arms around my neck. I laid you down on my bed, not wanting to raid your bag for the keys to your apartment. You refused to unhook your arms around me, opened one bleary eye and asked, "Stay with me?" I shook my head. "Please?" you pouted and tightened your arms. "Don't leave." "I've got to work." "It's late. And it's raining. And it's cold and windy. And you'll get sick. And it'll be morning soon. No point going out now," you whined and pouted some more.

I unhooked your arms around me, "Sorry." Sorry for letting you get involved with me, you're in too deep now so I better get you out before you drown. And sharing a bed is going to sink you further. I had to leave. But now, you were gripping my shirt, still telling me not to leave and that the weather was lousy and it was pointless to go since it would be morning soon. Much as I didn't want to, I know well enough that if I stayed, bad decisions might be made. So I had to come up with a new tactic to make you release me.

"Yuki, I'm a man you know."
"Yes."
"Holding on to my shirt like this, what do you want?"
"I want you to stay."
"Stay and do what?"
"We'll watch the sun rise together again." And inside, my long dead heart started to ache at her simple request.
"In the same bed?"
You nodded shyly, "There's nowhere else to sleep, right? Not like it's the first time…"
"Well, you don't know about one night stands. But you do know what usually happens when a guy and a girl share a bed, right?" I doubted you could be so thoroughly innocent, working in a bar and watching the initial process occur all around you. Sure enough, you were blushing.
Ha! Got you. I pulled closer to you and lowered my voice.
"The way you're gripping my shirt now… It's as if you want it off."

You blush an even darker shade of pink but maintained your grip on me. Fine, looks like I have to take it one step further then.
"Do you?" I undid my top button.
Your fingers started to tremble. Good.
Slowly, I moved towards the next button and took my own sweet time unbuttoning it. Teasing you this way was somewhat… invigorating. You were blushing furiously, biting your lip and angling your head away, but still affording yourself a slight view of me. You little minx. "Do you want to unbutton the next one yourself?"
You squeaked and let go.
"I thought so."
"You're cheating. Just because you're a guy."
"Go home, Yuki." I picked up your bag to hand it to you and turned to find you sleeping, or rather faking it, on my bed. I covered you with my blanket and saw your lips curve upwards into a small smile. You have no idea how much I wish I could lay in bed with you and watch the sun rise together, but I can't. I'm sorry. Throwing one last look at you, I locked the apartment door and stepped out to hunt.

You're drawing closer. Kiss me. Kiss me now.
And you did, except that it was on my forehead. "Thank you," you muttered. I was unable to place that tone in your voice, except that it worried me. You picked me up and laid me down ever so gently on your bed. You were going to leave. And for some reason, I was scared of you leaving. "Stay with me," I told you. "Please…" I tried to convince you, pouting and whining that it was cold and that you would get sick. Besides, it was going to be morning soon, and you don't work mornings, so why waste time going out?

You unwrapped my arms but I found another place for my hands anyway. I gripped your shirt, unwilling to let go. I'm so brave tonight, Rido would approve. I tried to pull you to me, but you're so much stronger so my efforts were futile. All I could do was continue whining.

"Yuki, I'm a man you know."
"Yes." You're an excellent male specimen, if I may add.
"Holding on to my shirt like this, what do you want?"
"I want you to stay."
"Stay and do what?"
"We'll watch the sun rise together again." I smiled widely at you, though it may have come off as a drunken, stupid childish smile.
"In the same bed?"
I nodded shyly, understanding the meaning of your words but then again… "There's nowhere else to sleep, right? Not like it's the first time…"
"Well, you don't know about one night stands. But you do know what usually happens when a guy and a girl share a bed, right?"
I blushed. Yes I understand, and yes I'm familiar with the mechanics.
Your voice lowered dangerously sensually, enough to make me start trembling. "The way you're gripping my shirt now… It's as if you want it off."

My face grew even warmer at his words, but I didn't let go. My breathing quickened as you undid your first button, exposing your slender collarbone. I should look away but I can't. It's not as if I've never seen it before, just that the last time I saw it, it was to take care of your wounds in a hurried and panicked state.
Your fingers slowly teased the second button out of its hole.
Slowly. As if on purpose to agitate me.
I understand your game now. I bit my lip, trying to calm my thumping heart.

I could see the flat panes of your chest and the dark shadows outlining the lean, taut muscles. Strong. And absolutely statuesque. The kind of art you see in Italian sculptures. So perfect. So insanely hypnotizing that my fingers wanted to explore. My mind went blank, filled only with the thought of his body under my fingers… until…

"Do you want to unbutton the next one yourself?" Your amused voice broke me out of my reverie, till I unwittingly let go of you.
"I thought so." I could hear the smirk in your voice.
"You're cheating. Just because you're a guy."
"Go home, Yuki." You turned away for a moment so I took my chance to quickly feigned sleep.
Your gentle hands laid your blanket on me. Who knew such a man could be so gentle when he wanted to, I smiled to myself.

I heard the door close. And felt myself lapsing into that moment of hopelessness I've seem to be getting more and more familiar with.

I'm falling for you.
I'm trying not to. But I am. Too many years stuck in an empty manor alone, reading romance novels voraciously have made me realize that I'm suffering from all the symptoms of a love-struck heroine.

I think of you constantly, worry about you when you're not with me, go out of my way to be near you and try my best to impress you. And every time I see you, my heart feels so much lighter and burdened at the same time. When I see you hurting, see you when you're having those terrible nightmares, my heart aches in a way it never has. And my only wish right now is to see you smile, not that pained one, not that smirk; a true smile. I want to be the one who could put a smile on your face.

This was not the original plan.
Uncle Rido had sent me here, next to you, to the apartment unit next to yours, to the nearest bar, to get close to you. "Get close to him, enter his life. It will help Kaname." Rido had told me. Simple words were enough to convince simple-minded naïve me to do it. It was an opportunity to get out, to see with my own eyes, the world I've only seen through films and books. I was restless and resentful, watching Kaname leave the house at his leisure and me, stepping out of one manor, into a coach, and into another manor, at someone else's convenience. I hated being confined to my little space. I hated being a secret, to the point that not even my own kind knew I existed. I was like the little piece of treasure that was buried deep in one's treasure box, hidden to be kept safe, to the point nobody even knew it existed.
But most importantly, I would be helping Kaname, reducing his burden and being of more use than the wallflower I was. For Kaname, I was willing to do anything, to step out of my safety zone and do whatever necessary, even if it was behind Kaname's own back. Rido had organized everything and all I had to do was to go. I would receive instructions from him as and when needed. Seemed easy enough.

The first task was to get near you. Which was near impossible. Yes, you were easy on the eyes. Yes, I found you mesmerizing. But you were epically difficult to approach, our first interaction ended up with us snapping at each other. So, like a child being set a particularly difficult piece of homework, I procrastinated, enjoying my little bit of newfound freedom rather than the task Rido had given me. Then my second task came.

Rido told me, "He would be coming home late tonight. Wait for him and see to it that he's taken care of." That was it. How difficult could it possibly be. And then I found you bloodied up on the floor. Until I watched you attempt to sleep. Until I watched you struggle so badly. Yes, it was difficult. It was so difficult to watch without doing something. So I did the only thing I could do. I entered your apartment when you're at your weakest and comforted you the best I could. I have no idea who you are, what you are, what Rido wanted to do with you, how getting close to you would help Kaname. But I kept it up anyway. Spending those nights with you didn't shed further light on Rido's plan or how you fit into it. But those nights with you made me fall for you.

I saw your vulnerability, usually shielded by your harsh cold demeanour. The needy way you clung to me when your nightmare was at its darkest point. The desperate, sad way you murmured in your sleep. It awoke… feelings in me I didn't know I possessed. I was a princess, never needing to do anything at all. But for you, I learned how to cook. Sure, you taught me the basics, but I bugged my co-workers for other details, how to make it taste better etc., without you asking me to, just because I wanted to make you feel better. For you, I learnt to make lame jokes, attempting to make you smile. For you, I learnt to be crafty, duplicating your keys before you could take them from me so that I could enter at night to take care of you.

But my third task came.
Make him fall for you, Rido told me.
I should have aborted the mission then. At a time when I wasn't sure whether it was you I was in love with or if it was the idea of love that I was in love with. It would have been easier had I just said the words, "I give up. I don't want to do this anymore." Our story wouldn't have ended up this way, it would hardly have begun.

I roll over his bed. It's not as soft as mine in the Kuran manor, but it sure was a lot warmer. And it smelled of Zero. This apartment is small, with the windows clanging when the wind blows strongly, the toilet door not closing properly, the paint peeling and the stove needing some adjusting or some all-out banging to get it functioning. But it's great; it's home.

If this were a novel, you and me wouldn't be settling for chaste kisses on the forehead but would be ripping each other's clothes off by now. If this were a happy novel, there would be no Rido looming in the background, waiting for me to lead you into his trap. If this was a simple novel, there would be no Kaname, the man whom I loved and still love, albeit differently. But it isn't a novel. Much as I love you we can't have that simple, delightful ending, with everything magically falling into place, you and me living happily ever after.

I tried to prolong my stay in his apartment for as long as I could, even thoroughly cleaning the apartment just to wait for him to come home. But he's not back yet. It's 11 in the morning and he's yet to come home since going out at 2 in the morning. I sat on the couch, not wanting to mess up the bed I've made neatly. I looked around for something to do, anything just so I could stay a little longer. Perhaps I should iron his clothes for him. I don't think he believes in ironing since most of the clothes I saw while rummaging through his closet were creased. At this point, I was willing to do anything at all to give myself a reason to stay and greet him when he returns.

I had to get the ironing board from my own apartment and went out to get one. And when I opened his door to get out, I saw his silver head leaned against the wall outside. He had been sleeping outside all this time. Gosh, what an idiot! He could have come in and slept next to me. What, was the floor more inviting than me now? I sat down next to him, taking my opportunity to do some staring while he was asleep.

I realized with a pang, how beautiful he looked. But his face was sad, his brows furrowed and forehead creased. Like an angel in mourning.
And my gaze lingered on his lips.
Those lips that could have touched mine. Those full, pale lips that could have claimed my own had he chosen to.
Those lips were soft against my forehead; I wonder if it would be as soft against my lips.
I wondered how those pale lips would taste like, wondering if it would be as sweet as its cotton candy colour, or fresh as his shower gel I used this morning. Maybe it would be minty, like his toothpaste I used this morning. There might be a chance of it being savoury as well, like his delicious cooking.

Before I knew it, I was dangerously close to his face. I could see each individual eyelash, each crease of his lips. At that moment, all I could think of was Zero, how it would feel like to be closer to him, how it would feel like to kiss him, how it would feel like to kiss the lips of an angel.

Slowly, you opened your eyes. But not in a manner of one who just woke up. It was as if you had been closing your eyes in deep thought, reached a conclusion and opened them again. And the expression in those eyes was different from when you left in the night.

He's cold, again.
The man who blanketed me last night was warmer. I once thought of your eyes as boarded up windows to your soul and I was looking through the cracks, trying to figure you out. I thought I had managed to tear away some of those boards. I've seen you shirtless, seen you sick, seen you vulnerable. I thought that I would never see those cold eyes of yours looking at me again. But there they were.

You eased yourself up. "You're late. Why are you wearing my shirt?" The tone of your voice was frosty. I've never heard it this way before. You weren't looking at me in the eye. "Your clothes are torn. Come inside," I told you, trying to match the frostiness in your voice, trying not to show that your sudden change in attitude upset me. I tried to take your torn coat from you, only to have you roughly push my hand away. "Go home, Yuki. I'm fine."

"You're not," I'm trying so hard to not show you how it hurts me to see you this way, to have you revert back to your old way of treating me coldly. But I can't stop the tears from forming. You ignored me and went into your apartment. I'm standing here rooted to the spot, unable to comprehend your sudden change in attitude. I thought I was so close, so close to unlocking you, but you built another wall again. You handed me my bag, "Here, go home Yuki."
"I am home." Home is where the heart is, right. And my heart's with you.
You proceeded to close the door. But I pushed it open. At least tell me why, tell me why you're acting this way, tell me why you've changed in a matter of hours, tell me how to fix you. "I promised that I would protect you." And I saw it.

That flash of pain in your eyes. It's unmistakable.
"I'm absolving you from that promise." You pushed your door. I pushed back harder.
"You have no right."
"Neither do you." I stared at you quizzically, confused by your words. Your eyes are blazing angrily, but I could tell that your anger was not directed at me.
"Just leave."
"Why?"
You refused to answer and just pushed the door shut in my face.

I've closed the door. But you called out to me through the door. "I'll take care of you. I'll mend you. I promise." And your words cut me deeply.

I never believed in God.
But at that time, I almost did. Because someone, somewhere sent me an angel. To save me, a man who was beyond salvage. But she's in human form, so I can't accept her. I can't use her to mend my wounds, can't make her live this unreasonable, ridiculous life with me.
Please, please let me go. Please live well, for yourself. Please forget about me, don't be upset over a man like me, and find someone else worthy of you. Not me, never me.
You're an angel. Find someone who's at least human. Not me, never me.

I stumbled to bed, lying there, taking one blood tablet after the other, brooding.
A brooding vampire, how original.
And I thanked the Level E vampire I killed today, who helped me realize that this unhealthy relationship I had with Yuki was unacceptable.

She's an angel. Too bad she'll never be mine.

A/N:
I hope this clears up some questions regarding how Yuki came into Zero's life. Reviews and suggestions are highly appreciated =)