How did you manage to sink this low, Zero?
I can't remember. I honestly can't.
Fix it.
I can't. I don't know how.
Why is it so easy for others to love? And so terribly difficult for you?
I don't love her.
Then why is this bothering you?

I looked to my left, and I could feel my heart sink.
Brown locks spread across my pillow; belonging to some girl I don't know.
They're not yours, Yuki.
I closed my eyes, feeling the emptiness sink me further. It would be a lie to tell myself that it didn't bother me.
Are you alright now, Yuki?
Did I hurt you too much?
Did I hurt you too little?
Don't worry, you'll stop hurting soon.
All you have to do is keep me out of your mind, out of your heart, out of your life.
I'll help. I promise.

I pulled myself out of bed, and pulled on my clothes.
I can't be here for another second. I'll go mad.
But there you were outside my door.

"You like him, don't you," Maria had asked me.
I just smiled.
Yes.

"Is he worth it?"
I just smiled.
Yes.

"But he's not much."
I just smiled.
You're wrong.
He's so much, so much more.
I shook my head.

"Even after tonight, you're going to go back to him?"
"No. We don't belong to each other. I'm merely going back to my apartment."
Maria sighed. "Stupid girl, getting hurt," she smiled lightly as she wiped a tearstain off my cheek.
Sure, I admit I had bawled my eyes out in the cubicle. But my head is clear now.
He never said he loved me, never staked his claim over me. And neither had I.
There were those times I had deluded myself into believing that he needed me, but in retrospect, he just needed someone, anyone.

We're free individuals, not bound to each other in any way.
I have no right over his bed, no matter how many times I've slept on it.
I have no right over his body, no matter how many times I've held it.
I have no right over his heart, no matter how many times I've heard it.

"I loved once," Maria told me.
I turned to her.
"How does it feel?"
She gave a wistful smile.
"It's beautiful. The rest of the world doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what people think or say, because in your world, there's only him and you. Because come what may, he'll always be there for you. When the world outside is falling apart, his arms are the one place safe. His smile is all you need to feel better. His arms are your sole protection and it feels sufficient. His voice is all the warmth you need in this cold world."

Have I ever felt that way? For some reason, never have I felt that way with Kaname. Everything about our relationship was politicized. Even when I had been alone with him, it had felt as if I was in a room full of people watching my every move. But with Zero, holding him melts the rest of the world away. Being in his room felt like being in a universe that only consisted of both of us. Just being next to him feels as if everything is complete.

"I'd like that."
Maria smiled at me and continued.
"I lost him."
I fell silent; I could imagine the pain.

"He was the one person who saw me as me. The one person who knew me more than I knew myself. The one person who would never lie to me. And being with him was heaven. He was tall, dark and handsome, strong and brave. Perfect in every way. But circumstances didn't allow it. And he had to leave."
Maria sighed deeply, sadness in her eyes.
"But life goes on," she ended her story and gave me a wane smile.

We sat together in silence, sipping sake till daybreak.

And as I came face to face with you that morning, I felt myself freeze.
"How was your night?" I asked, handing you the scarf I had found on my way up the stairs. I recognized that it belongs to last night's girl.
You picked up the bra that had been dropped in front of your door and threw it into the apartment.
"Good." Then you stalked down the stairs.

I exhaled the breath I had been holding. It hurts. So, so much. But I have no right to say a word.

Then, I heard footsteps from behind me.
You picked me up and slammed me against my door.
"Where have you been?" you demanded to know.
Is this your way of showing concern?
"In the park," I managed to stammer, afraid of your blazing eyes.
"Which park?" you demanded harshly.
"The one with the lake. I was with Maria."
I'm scared of this look in your eyes Zero.
Why are you angry?
Why are your eyes… almost the same expression that I glimpse when you just wake up from your nightmare?
Why do I see… fear?

"Did anything happen to you?" you were practically shaking me.
"No! I'm fine Zero. What's wrong with you?" I held your hands.
Your hands were cold and shivering.
Your face was deathly pale.
Your voice unnerving.
You stared at me for a moment, before practically flying down the stairs.

It took a while for my brain to make the connection.
I didn't make half the stairs when it did.
This scent. It's not Yuki's.
It's hers.

I doubled back and caught Yuki.
"Where have you been?" Please tell me you've been safe.
"In the park," you stammered, panic in your voice.
"Which park?"
"The one with the lake. I was with Maria."
"Did anything happen to you?" Please say no. Please just say it. I felt my heart about to burst, afraid that history was repeating itself right in front of my eyes again.
"No! I'm fine Zero. What's wrong with you?"
You grabbed hold of my hands.
There and then, I wanted to pull you to me, to thank God you were fine.
There and then, I wanted to pull you to me, because I'm scared of these images I'm seeing in my head.
There and then, I wanted to pull you to me, just to feel the safe warmth of your arms one last time.

I want to hold you tight one last time, because I don't know what might happen next.
I want to hear your reassuring voice one last time, because I may never get to hear it again.
I want to hear all your promises, even though I won't let you keep them, just because… I'm an idiot.

I'm sorry. I'm wanting too much from you.
I looked at you one last time, imprinting your image in my head.
When I die later, I want to keep seeing your face, even if it's just in my head.

I have to do this quickly, before I change my mind.
So I practically flew down the stairs, afraid that I might be unwilling to let you go if I stayed any longer.

A million thoughts ran through my mind as I traced the scent.
I wondered how that woman would look like now, after so many years.
I wondered if she would remember the face of the boy whose life she snatched away.
I wondered if I could take my revenge well enough, if it would make my parents proud of their vampire son.
I wondered if I would live through this to run this path, back home to Yuki again.

"Come to kill me, have you."
I pointed the gun at her.
Once I had identified that scent, it wasn't difficult to trace.
It's a scent I'll never forget.

She's the cause of my pain, my hell.
She's the cause of me being so emotionally crippled, so haunted and so alone.
Shizuka Hiou.
I will destroy you, even if it's the last thing I'll do.

Yet, my fingers were heavy.
"Can't pull the trigger?" she smirked.
I tried to tighten my fingers, to bring control back over my own body.
The last time I lost control over my body, I lost control over my entire life.
"How could you think of destroying me, Zero. I'm hurt. We're bound by blood."
She draws closer to me.

And images started flashing again.
Only this time I wasn't viewing it from my eyes.
I'm watching from Shizuka's eyes, as my parents' blood tainted her hands.
I'm watching myself, with so much fear in my eyes. I should have ran, instead I just stood there, dazed that my world was crumbling apart.
Run, you foolish boy, run.

And I'm feeling the rush of my own blood as Shizuka took me in her arms that stormy night.
I could see my own dazed eyes staring, reflecting the shock and horror, the confusion and helplessness.
I could feel my own body going limp, cold and rigid.
I died that night.
And was reborn as a vampire, which was as good as being dead to me.

Right now, I'm that foolish boy again. I should run, leave, but I didn't, I couldn't.
She drew closer to me.
"Can you see what I saw? I added another servant that night," she smirked.
I was physically unable to move. She had imposed invisible chains on me, on my body, on my mind.
"I'm your master, Zero. You can never forget that."
She dragged a finger down the length of my neck. I tried to suppress that involuntary shudder.
I grit my teeth, trying to break her hold on me, trying to fight back, failing miserably.

"What are you doing?"

Yuki.
No, what are you doing here.
"Go! Leave now Yuki!"
"But, why? Let her stay."
Shizuka turned her attention to Yuki instead.
"Maria? What's going on?"
The door slammed behind Yuki, trapping her in this hellhole with the she-devil and its spawn: me.
"Leave. Now Yuki!" I managed to yell at her.
"No, don't leave. You should watch this."
Yuki was scared now, I could see it in her eyes, fear that I've never seen before.
She rushed towards me.
"No! Don't come any nearer! Leave, please Yuki!"
"Zero, what's going on?"

"You know, don't you, Zero. You know she likes you."
This malice in Shizuka's voice. She's going to drag Yuki into the middle of this.
"This is between you and me, keep her out of it."
"Defensive, are we?" her smile spread wider. She drew closer.
"Get behind me, Yuki. Now." She obeyed me, for once.
"Ah, you're being protective. We've seen how that worked out for your parents."

I snapped.
I lunged forward only to be thrown back by her force. She kept me to the floor, unable to get up.
"You want to protect her, don't you? You want to protect her so badly. But you'll fail, just as you did back then."
"Leave her out of this." I tried to push myself up only to have Shizuka slam me down again.
"I wanted to protect him too, but nobody let me. I want you to feel my pain, of losing everything."
"NO!"

She's drawing closer to Yuki, who's petrified, who doesn't know what's going on.
I'm pinned to the ground by the sheer fact that Shizuka is the Pureblood who created me.
Shizuka is running her hand across Yuki's face.
"Don't touch her!" I struggled harder against these invisible bonds.
I've lost everything before. I can't go through that again.
I can't watch everything slip through my fingers again.
I can't live through another nightmare again.
I can't watch another person I love dying because of me again.

I propelled myself towards her, pushing Yuki out of the way.
Shizuka threw me back more strongly.
I hit the wall hard, right next to where I had thrown Yuki.
I could taste blood on my lips. As long as it's my own blood I taste, it's all good.
I could see Shizuka aiming the next blow at Yuki.

Yuki's fragile. Her body wouldn't be able to take it.
I threw myself in front of her, holding her, as blows pummeled me to my knees.

Blow after blow, each heavier than the last rained down on my back.
I'm holding Yuki to protect her, but soon I was just holding her to support myself from collapsing.
I can take these hits. I can take all of them. As long as she's safe, I can do anything.
I can do anything except die before Shizuka does, because then who'll protect Yuki?

Her mental hold on me is creeping back. I could see those images again. Repeating themselves like a broken tape player. Blood stained visions clouded my mind. She's painting images in my head again. Of my mother, my father, my brother. How they met their end at her hands. How I just watched.
My fingers tightened around Yuki. I won't let the same happen to you. I promise.
But as she rained blows on me, I was unable to be strong both mentally and physically at the same time.
Because these bloody pictures are worse than my own memories. They're Shizuka's memories. And I could feel how she felt that time; the satisfaction, the pleasure. I was crumbling already.

"Yuki, go towards the door. I'll cover you."
"No. I'm staying," she gripped the front of my shirt tighter.
"Please just leave. I'm begging you. Listen to me for once."
Shizuka drew nearer, her eyes narrowing. "How touching. I'm getting bored," she drawled.
Again, I was thrown to the opposite end of the room without her even touching me.
I could taste blood in my mouth. I couldn't get up. Pain seared throughout my body as if I was on fire. She's messing with me again. Messing with my nerve endings, torture without touch, agony without laying a finger on me.

"She's so precious to you, isn't she?" Shizuka gave a sly smile.
"Don't touch her!" I was slammed hard against the wall again.
"Don't hurt him!" Yuki screamed. She rushed towards me and stood between us.
I could see Shizuka looking taken aback. Yuki, you brave stupid girl.
I took my opportunity that she had let go of her grip over me for that split second.
I pointed my gun in her direction and shot once.

I could see her attention turning to me. And before I could react, you were already in front of me, holding me.
You're holding me, tightly, protectively. And I could feel your body shudder with each blow, feel your breathing hitch in pain with each blow, feel your fists clenching and unclenching with each blow.
Oh baby, I'm not worth your suffering.
You were leaning on me, using your body as a shield for me, even though you're so weak already.
"Yuki, go towards the door. I'll cover you." Your words came out so weakly, I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you. I gripped you tighter, afraid that you'll force me to leave you. "No. I'm staying." You gave a sigh.
Shizuka drew nearer and suddenly you were flung to the other side of the room.
She's a Pureblood, like me. And if I'm guessing correctly, she's the one who destroyed you, made you the man you are. And she is going to destroy you for good.
Oh, Yuki! How could you have been so stupid not to realize?
If I could release my power, I'll be able to protect you.
Problem is, I didn't know how to undo the spell Rido had cast over me.

"She's precious to you, isn't she?" she sneered at you.
Shizuka touched my face. Immediately, she knew.
She knew what I was.
"Don't touch her!" You tried to lunge forward but she slammed you against the wall again.
"Don't hurt him!" I ran to you and stood between the both of you.
No matter what, I'm a Pureblood too.
Technically, she wouldn't be able to kill me so easily.
I'll be your shield. I'll protect you.
Then you fired a shot.

Only Shizuka managed to twist the direction of your arm and you hit your own leg instead.
I could see the bloodstain spreading, your face getting paler.
Your gunshot stunned Shizuka. She hadn't expected you to overcome your chains to her.
You reached in front and held Shizuka's neck, aiming the gun at her heart and fired twice.
She staggered backwards, clearly weakened but it was too soon to tell.

"I'll finish everything. I've lived so long just for this day. I'll finish everything now."

Today's the day. The day I die. The day we die together.
I've never given much deeper thought into the matter, simply stating it as a fact, that I'll kill her or die trying. I've never thought about the aftermath. Never thought I would live past this day. Never thought I would need nor want to live past this day.
My mind was completely blank save for one last thought.

Can I die in your arms, Yuki?
I can't think of a better way for a person like me to die. If I could die, being held by you, I don't think it would feel like dying. If I could die, being held by you, it would be the sweetest ending. But I don't want to taint your memories, don't want to cover your hands with my blood.
And then, this pain erupted throughout my body.

Blood trickled down my arm, a blade straight through it.
I hadn't realized that there was someone else here. Had my powers weakened that much already? The figure behind the shadows leapt in front of me.

Ichiru.