"It'll be troublesome for you to die now, master." Master? Ichiru, not you too.
I'll fucking kill that bitch.

But that bitch was leaving already. And Ichiru was holding me back from going after her.
"Ichiru…"
"We haven't met for so long, have you nothing to say to me?" But I don't smell the vampire scent from Ichiru.
He noticed my confusion. "Don't worry nii-san, I'm not a vampire." He was sneering at me.
My realization sank in. My memories from that night which I wanted to erase, the one concerning Ichiru came up. The final memory I had of his voice, the words it uttered which I could not bring myself to believe.
"What? Would it have been better if I had died that night as well? Is that what you'd rather happen?" Ichiru smirked at me.

How have you been these years? Following her around wouldn't have done you any good, would it. I miss you. I dream about you. Were you alright? Were you alright without me? Thoughts I didn't say out loud.

"Have you suffered as much as me? Having your life twisted like this? Like when I lived with you and mum and dad. They were meaningless while you… You… became someone I hated." Ichiru continued.
I'm sorry, Ichiru. I know why. I've heard the meetings in the living room, how they speak of you. I'm sorry. I never meant for that. I'm glad you feel better now. I'm glad you lived well.

But I'll never forgive her. So don't try to stop me.
You said you were in pain those years living together.
Do you know of my pain living all these years?
You'll never know; you'll never know the hell I went through, you'll never know how many times I've been to that hell.
And that hell is terrifying.

"Move." I tried to push past you.
Ichiru moved the blade to my throat.
"No."
I ignored him and moved towards the door Shizuka left through.
"No!" I blocked Ichiru's sword with my own dagger.
"She gave me a new life. Don't you care enough for your own brother to let him have this?"
She ruined my life, ruined our family. Don't you care enough to let me at her?
Ichiru noticed, those words I can't bring myself to speak.
"Oniisan, why are you looking at me with those eyes of yours?" he sneered.

But Ichiru, his eyes betrayed him. Somewhere in them, I could still see that little brother of mine. Somewhere in them, I could still see the Ichiru who slept with me at night, who greeted me cheerfully whenever I came back, whom I had to be strong for.
"Ichiru…"

"Don't mention my name that way. You don't have the right." A sharp pain shot through my arm as he twisted the blade. I collapsed to the ground.
"It's your fault, you ruined me."
It's my fault, I ruined him, I ruined everything. My parents, Ichiru, everything is my fault isn't it.

"How could you say that?" Yuki held me. "Do you know how he suffers; do you know how much pain he goes through? All for your family?"
Ichiru was taken aback. And your hand was so warm, I held it even tighter. These words. Thank you for saying them.
"How could you say it's his fault? He never wanted anything bad to happen to any one of you."
"How would you know?"

You placed another hand on my face. Your hand was soft, gentle.
"You've never watched him sleep. You wouldn't know."
You woman, how could you mention my nightmares. You promised never to speak of them.
Ichiru kept quiet for a moment. "It seems he'll always be loved, no matter what creature he is."
I noted the resentment. Always loved? Me? Looks like we have different definitions of love. Mum and Dad didn't love me as much as they prized me.
Her grip on my hand tightened. My heart sunk slightly, do you know this too? The fact that I've never experienced love, that the closest thing I've felt to love is probably the feeling you give me?
"He deserves all the love in the world. So do you."

But halfway, I could sense the shift in the air.
It was bloodier, literally. I could taste Shizuka's blood in the air. Smell it even more strongly. She's dead, or very close to death. Ichiru sensed it too, rushing out the door Shizuka had left by.

I pushed myself up, only to be held back by you. "Don't go." Your voice was so earnest, your eyes brimming with tears, as you held my arm. "Just stay here, please." I reached out a hand to your face, wanting to wipe those tears away. Why are you crying? Why should you be crying for me? But I hesitated, right when my fingers brushed your skin. Because I knew I wanted more than to merely dry your tears.

You noticed my hesitation. "Don't leave, okay." You took my outstretched hand and cupped your face with it. "She's already almost dead now, just let her go. Don't go after her anymore. Your nightmare, it's over. Don't go chasing it again," you pleaded.
You still didn't know, did you? You still didn't know that this nightmare will never be over. This nightmare is permanently a part of me. Shizuka's death was merely vengeance, not a cure.
"Let me go. Go home, Yuki." I smiled to you, the first time I've smiled for a long time. "Thank you for looking after me. Thank you so much. Thank you for being so good to me."
You closed your eyes, your lips trembling holding back even more tears. "Don't cry." I propped myself up and wiped those tears away. "Come home with me. Let's go home together now."

Your words, spoken so sincerely, hit me hard. I never regarded that apartment as a home, until you came along. I never regarded myself as human, until you came along, unearthing all these hidden feelings I've buried away. I never regarded myself as someone who deserved anything, until you came and treated me the way you did. Thank you. Thank you so much. For all this faith you have in me, for all this trust you have in me, for all these feelings you've invested in me. I know I can't accept any of it. But thank you for giving me this chance. Thank you for making me feel human. Thank you for everything.

It scared me. The way you spoke.

As if you would never return again.
When you told me to let you go, you didn't say 'Let me go for a while'. You said it in a way that made me feel that if I let go of you now, I'll never get to hold you again.
When you told me to go home, you didn't say 'Wait for me at home'. You said it in a way that made me feel that you would never return home again.
When you thanked me so sincerely, you didn't say 'Thank you, I'll come back. I promise'. You said it in a way that made me feel like I would never get to see you again.
You didn't make promises of meeting again, you didn't mention a word of returning, you didn't try to convince me that you'll be fine.

I held your hand to my face. It's so cold. You're so weak, how could you leave. Don't leave me.
You wiped my tears away. Can you feel me trembling? Can't you tell I'm afraid? Can't you tell I want you to stay here with me?

You got up anyway. With a smile, you told me again. "Go home, Yuki."
You had that smile that looked almost happy. Almost like a last smile.
I held you again tightly. You were ready to leave, standing up so tall. But I had wrapped my arms around you. A hug, if you might. A last hug, just in case. I knew you would never do what I wanted. I knew your desire for revenge is too strong. But I still needed some form of reassurance. Since she's weakened so much, you should be fine facing her, right? You'll come back alive, right? You'll come for me, right?
"You'll come back, promise me." I told him, burying my face into his shirt. You didn't say a word. You just pulled me from you and looked at me in the eyes silently. Your eyes were honest, you wouldn't promise me anything you weren't a 100% sure of. Your eyes were pained as you closed them. I was still holding you, but I hadn't realized that your arms were around me as well. Your head drew closer.

Kiss me. One time. Just once. A first kiss. A last kiss.
I closed my eyes.

You pressed your forehead to mine.
"Thank you. For everything. Truly," you spoke quietly.
Can you feel my fingers trembling?
Can you hear my heart racing?

I felt your lips on my forehead.
Just the lightest kiss, just the smallest one. But that already spoke volumes to me.
I released my fingers, and felt you slip away.