By Dipuc

Started 06/25/2014

Finished 07/30/2014

Child of Mine

"Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." -Winnie the Pooh

He was infected.

That was what he came to realize on Friday, two days after his fateful afternoon with a certain bright eyed boy.

Any being 3 ft tall and possessing a head full of black hair, made Makishima do a double take. He didn't know why, it's not as if he expected to actually see the small child again.

Onoda Sakamichi was two hours south, having a great time, or so he hoped, enjoying life as an adorable kid.

"So, where is your head these days"

Thomas leaned against the doorframe of his office interrupting the quiet work space. For once, he wasn't drunk or suffering from a hangover.

"Your brother noticed. He doesn't wanna ask though. He's being all insecure and whatever. Something about not wanting to pressure. I'm sick of hearing about it. So, I'm asking..."

Makishima frowned. Was he acting off? He hadn't noticed. Or maybe his brother knew him much better than he had ever given him credit for.

"I'm fine. Just thinking about somethings."

"Lady troubles? "

"No. Not everyone has those types of troubles, Thomas. "

He grinned not ashamed in the least. "If trouble has to have a face, it better be good looking one."

Makishima rolled his eyes, "If you say so.."

Thomas came into the office and plopped down in a chair heavily.

Thomas had always been his brother's friend. He knew how to talk, and could sell himself well. Almost too well. Thomas had grown on Makishima, and now he regarded him almost like family.

"So, talk to me. It's affecting business. That fall line you did...not cutting it."

Makishima dropped his pencil, staring hard into the deep colored wood of his desk.

"I'm fine..."

Thomas grunted a sound of disbelief before putting his feet on the table, relaxing. "Not what your designs are saying. You've been giving us normal looking crap for a year. Now, I know I'm only the business side of things, but even I know that we're are losing the label. You know..your weird pizzazz...eccentric. ..whatever."

Makishima nodded, slumping into his chair. "I know that. It's not just...its not that easy."

His muse had always been freedom. Free to express himself in his art, wear whatever the hell he wanted. He had always done it, hated to be bound by the normalities of the world. That's why he loved cycling. It was freeing, and when he rode there was that undeniable sense of utter freedom.

But he hadn't felt free this past year.

"I'm sorry. .." He muttered pathetically, and Thomas chuckled.

"Hey, no big deal. Just, you know... our entire business and livelihood. It's really your brother's fault. He slapped the designer position on you and dropped the ball on his own work. It's time the bastard picked up the mantle again instead of riding on you."

Makishima looked at his friend with surprise. Only Thomas would talk of his boss in such a way. There relationship was always odd to was like they they put up with each other for the mutual benefit of business. But they were also friends, almost inseparable.

"How'd the shrink go? Was she hot?"

Makishima shook his head, "It was a man."

"Oh pardon me, was he hot?"

Makishima smiled with slight exasperated fondness, and ignored the latter question, "I said it went fine. I don't think I'm going back, though. "

Thomas nodded but didn't look all that interested. He brightened suddenly and brought his legs down, leaning forward in his chair, "Hey, maybe you need to get laid. I have some..ah. acquaintances that's might be able to help."

Makishima was shaking his head before he even finished the sentence, "No thanks." He said flatly and picked up his pencil again. Thomas clicked his tongue in disapproval, "Hey, it helps. Gets your mind off of things..."

"No," Makishima repeated.

Thomas shrugged, "Okay. I tried. well-" he stood up and headed towards the door, "nice..uh talk. Oh and by the way, your brother mentioned that you helped a lost kid out. How the hell did that happen?"

Makishima frowned, an image of a glasses wearing little boy flashing in his mind. "He's fine. Kid was lost. I took him to the police. They took care of it."

"Well, kudos for being a good citizen. I'll get you a medal." He winked, before leaving out the door.

Makishima nodded distracted, as he left. He really did wonder how Onoda was doing. It's wasn't like him care but he actually wanted to see if he was okay.

"Sho..." He muttered and giving up on the designs that weren't going anywhere, he stood. Perhaps leaving the office for the night and working from home would help his creativity.

He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door, avoiding his brother who with no doubt would be giving him that pinched worried look.

Makishima breathed a sigh of relief as he exited the building. The afternoon light was nice, and the slight breeze felt wonderful after being in the artificial coolness of the office.

But guilt was edging at his conscience. He was failing his brother. And he really did feel bad about that. Their spring line was pretty weak but at least it had direction. That's what his brother did, spun his odd designs to peak people's interest.

But now his muse was all but dead, he was at a roadblock of his own mind. He sighed, pulling at his hair slightly as he climbed down the stairs of the studio, and down into the street.

"Mama!" Someone cried out.

Instantly, Makishima turned, his eyes widening. Onoda!? How..why!? How! He frantically looked around to find the black haired boy, his heart jumping in his chest. How did he find him?

"Mama! Can we please? Pretty pretty please!"

Makishima spotted the speaker, a young boy pulling at a lady's hand.

It was not Onoda.

Makishima was literally crushed. When the heavy realization that it was not Onoda Sakamichi calling out to him made itself clear, his stomach lurched painfully.

Makishima scowled fiercely, his disappointment channeling a bad mood.

He raised a limp hand, and waited for a cab to come to a rolling stop.

It was Friday, that meant going to several house parties, or notable clubs. Making connections was something vitally important in the fashion industry, and his brother and Thomas were good at it. Thomas was the sociable, charismatic, draw and his brother was the fashionable business serious face. Makishima's only job was to be aloof, and haughty, mysterious and eccentric as his designs.

Now what was he? He was slipping into normalcy, and his designs were looking more and more drab with each pencil stroke.

The home he shared with his brother, and sometimes Thomas was dark when he entered. He loitered around in the kitchen, hoping that Thomas had left something edible in refrigerator. Unfortunately, the help had cleaned the kitchen thoroughly and Makishima settled for a bottle of water and some bread. He took heavy steps up to his room, brow furrowed, and eyes narrowed.

He had to forget the kid he met. It was like a stain on his mind, and as much as Makishima tried to ignore it, it stayed.

Annoying. Persistent.

He sighed. It was barely going to be four, and Makishima was seriously thinking trying to sleep. What else was there to do?

He had to cancel his appointment on wednesday. He would lose his deposit, but he wasn't going to sit and listen to that man drone about. He searched his room for his discarded jacket, his striped one, to look for the psychiatrist's number. When he found it he dug his hand into the pocket. And found something sharp and metal.

He pulled out the item, blinking at what he found in his hand.

It's was Onoda's glasses.

Makishima stared at them for a moment. Well, he had forgotten about those. That fateful night, after getting home, and throwing his jacket across a chair, he had promptly sank into his bed and attempted to forget the entire series of events. He hadn't even remembered about the souvenir tucked away in his coat pocket.

Makishima sat on his bed, broken metal still in his hand. What should he do now? These glasses were irreversibly broken, there was no doubt there. And, after peeking through the non broken lense, there was also no doubt that the kid needed them. Desperately.

He sighed, laying back on the his soft comforter, going over his options.

He could forget about it. That would be both easy and fairly difficult thing to accomplish. The memory of that fun filled afternoon was certainly haunting him. That was proven enough in the fact that he almost flipped out today when someone, a random someone, called out 'mama'.

Then again, it would be simple to brush it off, since he had no idea where Onoda lived, or in what town south. And it would take a lot of effort to find out. Effort that he could use as a stumbling block in order to guard himself from the slight affection that the kid invoked.

Who knew kids were so damn lovable…

He twirled the glasses on a finger, before standing up.

He decided to compromise.

Get the kid new glasses in a subtle apology for not saying goodbye that night. He wouldn't actually give them directly to the boy though. He would send them by mail..or carrier or something.

He flipped open his laptop and typed in the search bar for a shop selling glasses nearby. When he found one, he wrote it down on a notepad, checking the website for a shop. There was a glaring icon in one corner, advertising glasses for kids. He tentatively clicked on it. The page went from a sleek white to covered in bright crayon colors. Makishima blinked at the screen, before squinting his eyes and scrolling down through the pictures.

Makishima noted with detached pride that none of these kids had the same bright blue eyes that Onoda had.

He was distracted by some side comments about teaching kids the nuances of wearing their new glasses. There was also advice on how to make sure said glasses didn't get lost.

He clicked through a few before a link sent him to a different site, that was nothing but information about raising a child.

Makishima read through a couple of topics before he came across one titled lack of appetite in children. Makishima clicked on it, suddenly thinking of Onoda's weird aversion to food.

He power read through three articles before he realized what he was doing.

Makishima quickly shut the laptop, and leaned back in his chair. This was getting ridiculous. Why was the kid on his mind? Was it because he had nothing else to do?

Maybe once he got rid of these glasses, and subconsciously apologized for their abrupt departure, he could put this whole thing behind him.

He grabbed his phone, and dialed the number he had written on his note pad.

After a short concise conversation with a friendly voice on the other side of the line, his hope began to plummet.

Apparently, he couldn't just walk into the shop with broken glasses and have them repaired. Apparently, he needed something called a prescription.

Something that he could only get from speaking to Onoda's guardian.

Well, there goes that plan.

He placed the glasses on the night stand.

It was out of his hands now. There was no way that he could find Onoda's location. And if he called to inquire about a young boy he could accused of being something that he most certainly did not to be accused of being.

He laid down on the bed, exhausted from thinking too much.

He closed his eyes, breathing deep.

It was still, and quiet, and Makishima hoped to get a nice nap.

He couldn't nap though because the glasses on his nightstand were glaring at him.

He could feel their condemning gaze.

He tried to reason with himself.

It wasn't as if the kid was alone. The Tendo lady will probably get him new ones.

Although.. his clothes did seem a little ragged.

Of course, that didn't mean they couldn't afford new glasses.

Even if they were quite expensive from the ones he had seen on the website.

Maybe he had an extra pair. And here he was worrying for nothing.

Makishima groaned as that was very unlikely. ..

It could also be that he didn't actually need them. The kid hadn't noticed that his glasses were broken that day. They could just be...for decoration..

That was also wishful thinking, because there was real proof of how terrible the boys eyesight was on his nightstand.

Makishima sat up, exasperated with his guilty conscience.

This was a bad idea, and he knew it, but couldn't bring himself to stop

He went back to his laptop, opening it to look for the number of the police station he had gone to.

he absently dialed the phone number, waiting with a helpless look on his face.

It rang for a moment, before a voice, a familiar voice answered.

Makishima paused when she asked for his name and reason for calling. It sorta sounded like that front desk lady.

"Makishima Yusuuke. Uh.. inquiry...?"

"Mr. Makishima!? The fashion cyclist? "

He started as the voice on the phone became excited, "uh..."

"You may not remember but I helped you that night. With the boy? Onoda-chan! That was fun,"

So, he was right. It was the front desk lady. The one with the fashion friend. "Right..uh. hello."

"Well, what is your inquiry, Mr. Makishima? Did you forget something? "

Makishima scratched his face, uncertain all of a sudden. As pressing as the burning eyes of guilt the glasses were giving him, there was also the fact that a single unrelated man was asking for the contact information to the home of a little boy could..and probably should raise some flags.

"Uh..could I get..The number to... Onoda's home..?"

There was a pause on the line, and Makishima began backpedaling frantically, "I have his glasses.. I thought I should give them back..but ah..They're broken so I thought I would..uh fix...? " He said hurriedly, but he was interrupted.

"Sorry about that, I didn't have the information you requested on hand. But, I have it now. Do you have something to write with?"

Oh. That was easy.

He reached for the notepad and paper, "Yes. "

She gave him the number, and then chatted happily about her fashion interested friend.

"I'm going to try and make it to your next show! I hope to see you there." She gushed, and Makishima was weirded out by how she seemed a lot happier than when they had been together in person, "Oh! Best of luck with Onoda-chan." She finished, "technically I'm not supposed to give out info like that out, but I felt bad that he had to leave before saying goodbye."

Makishima leaned back in his chair, "Yeah, . I won't say anything. .."

"Goodbye, Mr. Makishima. Thank you for your call."

The call ended, and he stared at the number on his desk, flicking his phone open and closed repeatedly.

Here he was, one teetering step from perhaps helping with the glasses wearing little boy again.

Could he forget this whole business with the boy?

Should he?

The guilt was bothering him, and he really didn't need to have another thing on his mind as he tried to sleep. With that in mind, he dialed the number, waiting and hoping that no one would pick up.

He had no such luck.

"Hello? How can I help you?"

Makishima froze on the phone. Well, what now? How to ask for a prescription...There was no way they'll just give it him. They'll probably ask why, and then hang up the phone when he couldn't come up with a right answer.

Could he ask for Onoda's caretaker?

"Can I talk to ..Miss Tendo?"

"Tendo-san?" The voice said, a little high-pitched, "Yeah, okay, I'll-" She stopped mid sentence. "oh, she's not here right now. Sorry. But you can come down tomorrow. She'll be here. She starts at eleven, through. so you'll have to come around that time."

The information that woman was rattling off had Makishima grimacing awkwardly, "Uh..okay…?"

"Do you have the address? Are you coming down?"

Why would he need to come down?

"No, I don't-"

"Okay, here it is. Do you have a paper?"

"Yes, but why do I-"

He was interrupted a second time as the woman started with the address. Makishima ripped out a new paper from the legal pad and furiously wrote down the street number.

"So, are you coming down?" Makishima was really really confused as to why he was being forced to visit a place he was actively avoided. Was this fate? Karma? Bad luck? Good luck?

Whatever is was it was unsettling.

"I just need some-"

"Okay! Well, see you tomorrow! I'll tell Miss Tendo that you're coming over. I'm sure she'll be excited."

Makishima felt like strangling the woman. What was she going on about?

The phone clicked suddenly and Makishima stared at it, face unreadable. What..was...that...?

He was not going. All he wanted to do was get a damn prescription. That's all. He most definitely did not want to be within 100 meters of the bright eyed boy and certainly not see him. It would be like reopening a particular nasty scab to scrub salt in it.

He was not going.

That was final.

The building was a sorry looking dull white. But there was a playground on the side of it, which was proof enough that this was the home of small children.

Makishima scowled at it.

He had come, on a saturday, traveled two hours south to a small town on the outskirts of Chiba to pick up some information that he may or may not be allowed to get.

He was definitely out of his mind.

Last night had been pitiful, and the dark bags under his eyes had been proof to how miserable those late hours had been.

After making his solid decision to not to come here, he had done everything in his power to distract himself.

Nothing had worked.

It was a sleepless, boring night.

So, he came because what else could he do. He kept thinking about it, and it was keeping him awake. He had to get this off of his mind.

A lady was the first thing he saw as he entered the building. She smiled at him, "Hello! How can I help you?" Makishima raised an eyebrow as her face changed as she regarded his wardrobe. "I'm looking for a Miss Tendo..."

The lady gasped, "You!? really!? I didn't know Tendo-san had such a….taste.." She trailed off.

Makishima paused.

Taste?

"So, you are her new boyfriend, huh." she grinned suggestively, "You know, she is quite a heartbreaker around here. Watch out for Tamaki-san. He likes her a lot."

Boyfriend!?

Makishima gave the woman a look a pure agitation, a blush highlighting his features, "What! I'm not a boyfriend! I just need some information….about a kid..."

The lady's mouth dropped open, as if she was silently screaming before ducking her head in her hands. "ohmygod, ohmygod.." she repeated.

Makishima felt pity for her.

When she looked up she was red faced and shamed, "I am SO sorry. Tendo-san has this boyfriend you see, and its like a mystery because she won't tell us who it is, so when you asked for her...oh my god...I just assumed." She stood up abruptly and bowed so low and so quickly she almost slammed her head against her desk. Makishima lifted his hand in effort to stop her and was relieved when she didn't cause herself a concussion.

"Uh..it's okay...I just need uh... some information."

She nodded slowly, and bite her lip as she scanned a binder on her desk. "Uh..Tendo-san should be leaving for her classroom soon. Its just down the hall. They'll be coming back..you could catch her there." she said, her face still quite embarrassed.

He nooded and descended down the hallway, catching the sight of the lady collapsing into a boneless mess in her arms.

He chuckled.

He wondered if Onoda was around, and if he would see him. He didn't know the likelihood of the reunion. He also didn't know what exactly Miss Tendo did. What was her job? Was she a teacher? A nanny?

There was chanting down the hallway he was walking in, and he saw a line a hopping children come into view. They were all the same reasonable size and shape of Onoda, but they were wearing crisp white uniforms, and black slacks. He realized with a start that the person leading them was Miss Tendo.

Oh. Her job became very clear all of a sudden.

Onoda had to be there, in the line somewhere, heading right to him.

He really thought about running into the janitor's closet to his left. He, a grown man, was thinking about hiding in a closet... from a child.

How did things get like this?

He didn't have a chance to though, because the line of children turned into a room, and the boy at the end of the line spotted him.

And then squealed

"Mama? Mama?! Mama!"

And then he was tackled.

It must've been painful because the boy smacked head first into his thigh. He didn't seem bothered though, because he grabbed onto his pants, clutching to him with eager hands

"Mama! Mama back!"

Makishima extended both of his arm out and watched helplessly as the boy continued to talk into his leg.

The woman came striding up to them, "Sakamichi! Come here!" she pulled at the hand wrapped around his knee, tugging at the boy until he came away reluctantly, "I'm sorry sir..ah...oh," her eyes widened at him, "You..your the man that found him…! At the park!"

Makishima nodded but he was looking at the little boy who was beaming sunshine up at him, refusing to let go of a handful of Makishima's spotted pants. He was bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet, every other bounce bringing him closer in proximity to Makishima

The lady frowned down at Onoda, "Now, Sakamichi, what you did was very rude. You have to apologize to the sir."

The boy's smile didn't fade as he was reprimanded , "Sorry, Mama!" he said brightly .

"Sakamichi..." She neatly crouched down, to be eye level with the child, sighing. "This is not your mama. Okay. We talked about this remember? This is just a nice man that helped you." Onoda smile faded slightly, his eyes becoming confused. Makishima watched his small face until the boys eyebrows drew in together, giving him a look of intense determination.

"It's mama!" He told her, staring straight into her eyes.

She sighed again, "No, Sakamichi, remember where your mother is? Do you remember? "

He paused, and then very deliberately took a step towards Makishima.

Miss Tendo frowned, and stood up. "I'm sorry about that sir. Onoda...well he tends to grab onto things. And he won't let go. Once he's made up his mind, it's hard to talk him out of it."

Makishima nodded, but he was fighting the urge to pick the boy up. The other children were peeking out of the room, watching them with wide eyes.

"Mama! Mamashima! I showed my friends my hime! We played with her all time." Onoda exclaimed, bouncing once again but then he sobered, his smile dropped from his face, " but Hime had to go away."

That caught Makishima's interest. He supposed that Hime was the toy they had gotten. What did go away mean?

"Where did she have to go?" Makishima questioned. Miss Tendo interrupted, "Is this about that little figurine you gave Sakamichi? Yes..that was a problem."

Makishima's eyes widened.

She caught the reaction, "Oh don't worry, it's not your fault. It's just that here the children are encouraged to share everything, and Sakamichi didn't want to share his new toy. So, she had to go away. For a bit. Until Sakamichi learns that it's most fun when we play with our friends."

Makishima was annoyed. If it was Onoda's toy then it's was his decision to share or not.

Onoda also objected, "Miss Tendo! I share! I did! But Hibiki-kun said I had to give Hime to him! Mama gave me hime! "

The boy had started moving awkwardly, as he explained himself. Makishima felt something smoldering inside him. It was the Hibiki bastard. So he really the source of all Onoda's problems.

"Sakamichi, that is not what happened. But, if you're a good boy then you're little Hime will come back, okay."

Onoda sniffed but nodded. He seemed like such a different little boy, without that full smile.

Makishima was gritting his teeth in order to not say anything at this freaking woman.

"Okay Sakamichi, go into the room and get ready for lunch, okay? "Onoda looked really distressed for a moment, eyes widening and mouth opening to say something, but Miss Tendo spoke before he had a chance, " You have to be a good boy, remember? You promised."

Makishima watched with utter fascination as Onoda face became pained, but he nodded swiftly. Then he reached out and wrapped his arms around Makishima's legs squeezing tightly for a moment before turning away and walking back to the crowd of peeping children.

Miss Tendo spoke to them curtly, "Everyone! Get ready for lunch. I'll be there in a minute." With a hush and children disappeared into the room, and Miss Tendo turned to him, "I'm sorry about the other night. It was a little hectic."

Makishima nodded but he was afraid to talk in case he said exactly what was on his mind.

"Thank you very much for taking care of Onoda that night. I can't imagine what would happen if you hadn't of brought him to that police station. He can't stop talking about you, you seemed to have really impacted him."

"Is Onoda a..uh orphan?" Makishima asked, even though he was trying not to speak.

Miss Tendo blinked at him, and then nodded, "I think so. His mother brought him here to stay when she was having trouble feeding him. She was hoping to get a stable job and come back for him, but she got sick and never recovered. She never registered a father, so Onoda will have difficulty the rest of his life even if he is adopted."

Makishima looked at her. What did not having a father have to do with not getting adopted?

"He was actually rather close to being with a family, but due to some...problems, it didn't happen . When people see him, and interact with him, one can't help but fall in love. But of course, parents want the best child they can get. Unfortunately, Onoda suffers from multiple issues."

"Like not eating?" Makishima found himself saying.

Miss Tendo smiled up at him, "So you noticed. Yes..." She rubbed her forehead, looking weary. "Onoda has a mental trepidation against food of any kind. It's not physical. The director here believes that Onoda is trying learn to live without the necessity of food consumption. She believes that Onoda was traumatized by the event of his mother leaving him here because she couldn't feed him anymore."

It made sense. If Onoda didn't have to eat, than his mother wouldn't have left him here. He remembered Onoda's explanation of why he didn't want to eat at the burger joint,

'so mama won't leave'

Makishima felt his heart stutter. That was so... sad.

He spotted bright blue eyes staring at him from around a doorway, and when he realized he was noticed, Onoda grinned wide and waved an excited hand. Makishima was reminded with a start as to why he was there in the first place.

"Uh..so Onoda wears glasses, right?"

Miss Tendo nodded again and groaned, "Yes. He needs them quite badly. He had just gotten those glasses a month ago, and he then goes and loses them."

Makishima reached into his pocket, and pulled out the broken frames, "they're right here, I uh forgot to give them to you that night."

Miss Tendo took the bent metal into her hands, "Oh dear...how did this happen?"

Makishima was not about to tell her that Onoda had almost been ran over, " It was my fault. I...dropped them."

She gave him a quizzical look, "oh..well thank you for bringing them. They're much too destroyed to be of any use, Onoda will still have to wait for new glasses. I filed a petition, but since he had just gotten these, it might be awhile"

Makishima scratched his face, "That's why I came...I want to buy him new glasses... It was my fault. .so.."

Miss Tendo cut him off, "oh don't worry about it, you don't have to spend your money. Glasses can be quite expensive, after all."

She turned and began walking back to room Onoda was peeking out of, "but thank you for offering. That was most kind. And thank you for bringing this also" she lifted the glasses and smiled.

Makishima strained to say something. He really wanted to help Onoda. And this was a way to do it. All he had to do was speak up. Just say something!

He looked down at Onoda again, and the boy practically jumped with enthusiasm when their eyes met, and he waved his hand wildly.

Onoda needed this, he needed these glasses, and Makishima could do it.

"I- uh..I really want to! Buy..buy the glasses! For Onoda. Money..uh money isn't a problem. ."

Miss Tendo stopped, and turned back to Makishima, "Oh? Well. I guess that's alright...I don't really know the policy for gifts from non relatives..." she shooed Onoda back into the room, but he only ducked in for a second before looking over again.

"What would you need?"

Makishima pulled at his messy bun, "Uh his prescription.. and well, I don't know what to pick for him. So his opinion.."

She nodded, "alright, let me get them to lunch and then I'll get that for you. You can pick anything for him, he's adorable either way. It won't be more than 15 min...well more like thirty. " She grimaced, "actually it might be longer.. are you terribly busy? You can come back later. Oh wait... you live rather far away don't you?"

Makishima nodded, but then waved a hand, "it's not a problem, I don't have anything to do today."

She nodded smiling and then began wrangling the kids back into a line. Onoda was smiling happily, jumping at the door, ans waving a hand "Mama! Mama come!"

Makishima hesitated for a moment, before walking over to the kids. Predictably, the rest of the kids shrunk back as he came closer. But, Onoda did the opposite, reaching out to grab Makishima's hand.

It was small and warm, like he remembered. Onoda exuded life, happiness poured out of him like a gushing river, and it was overflowing to Makishima.

Miss Tendo frowned at their linked hands, and Makishima grew nervous at her gaze.. But she just turned and got the rest of the kids in a line, commanding them with quick authoritative words. Onoda waited until the line had started leaving the hallway towards a corner, and then followed behind, pulling at Makishima.

The man followed, feeling weird, and out of place at the orphanage. Was this even allowed? Could he just come and 'hang out' with a kid here? Would he get in trouble? He was catching some odd looks, as they went through several hallways, from the staff.

But, though he doubted, Onoda's warm hand gave him a sense of rightness. It was only for a bit. This reunion with the boy brought Makishima a sense of closure. The glaring eyes of guilt were no more, and he was free to just enjoy the unconditional smiles of the child holding on to him.

The children were chanting a nursery rhyme as they walked in the line, and Onoda was skipping at the beat, swinging their joint hands back and forth.

The line stopped, and the children loitered in front of two heavy green doors. Onoda pulled at his hand to catch Makishima's attention.

He crouched down to hear him, "Yeah?"

"Mama? Is Mama leaving again?"

Makishima grimaced, but he had to be honest with the kid, "Yeah, I just came...to uh, I wanted to get you your glasses."

Onoda's brow furrowed and Makishima could see his thoughts weighing his shoulders down. Whatever the kid was thinking, it probably wasn't good. "Do you not wanna be my mama 'cause i'm not smart?"

Makishima eyes widened, and in a reflex like motion he put his hand on the boy's shoulder, "What! No! I don't care...who told you weren't smart?"

Onoda looked away, his eyes suddenly wet, but didn't respond, instead he just shrugged his shoulders, avoiding the question.

Makishima watched him, his thoughts racing. Who would tell a kid he wasn't smart? Was it Miss Tendo? He glanced up at her, and watched her for a second as she played a game with some of the children in line. Makishima doubted that she would say such a thing. Although a little obnoxious in her judgement of Onoda's toy situation, she really did seem to care about the kids in her care. Was it some other kid? The Hibiki asshole? When was he going to meet the jerk giving Onoda a hard time.

"Mama, Why not be my mama?"

Makishima stared at the the kid, his stomach churning in despair. How to answer that? Well, he had no intention of adding such a burden of a child on his shoulders. Besides, out of all the people of the world he was sure he was at the bottom of the parental barrel. He had no Idea how to. There was also the small detail of the responsibility of how a child was raised directly influenced their lives. . To become a…. parent. Could he make a solid, willing relationship with this child, and be responsible for his very life?

Makishima owned a dog, but his brother took care of it when they were younger. Now it stayed with their younger sister back home. Even back then, Makishima had never been fully in charge of making sure that the dog was well fed and taken care of.

So, taking care of a kid, which was probably ten times more difficult, was not something he even wanted to think about.

"Uh...well, I…"

Onoda was watching him with raptured eyes, making Makishima hesitant to say anything. He was saved by the green doors opening and Miss Tendo began filing the kids into the large room.

"Alright! Everybody inside, get to your seats." Onoda turned, and headed in the room, dragging a guilty Makishima in tow.

The room was loud, children laughing and talking in their high pitched voices. They were cute, but this many in one area was giving him a headache. But truth be told, it was still better than the parties he was forced to go to sometimes.

Onoda gingerly sat down at a table and smiled at the kids still giving Makishima a worried look. A girl with pigtail seated across from him kept looking back and forth from Onoda to Makishima.

The cyclist stood there, feeling extremely awkward as the eyes of dozens in the room watched him.

"Onoda-kun? Who is the scary man?"

He heard the little girl say in what she probably thought was a whisper. Makishima glanced at her. He was used to being avoided by people, He was a terrifying after all

But Onoda responded happily, "Mama! Mama is mama."

The little girl frowned, "but boys aren't mamas…" she said. Onoda shrugged, not caring in the least. He just looked up at Makishima, smiling as always.

There was commotion as Miss Tendo came around with a tray of milk bags. She placed one in front of each kid. Another man followed her, with a cardboard plate filled with food. Makishima spotted some rice in it.

Onoda was shrinking in his seat, apparently not looking forward to his turn.

The man scowled at Onoda as he set down the plate of colorless food down. Makishima scowled in Onoda's behalf.

Miss Tendo sat by Onoda, her face drawn. "Sakamichi, are you ready to eat?"

His eyebrows drew tight, eyes averted from the food. Miss Akane sighed, "Alright, I'm going to get some things, and come back, and when I do, I want at least half of your rice gone, okay?" Onoda was still downcast, but he nodded. She patted his head affectionately and got up.

Makishima watched as Onoda picked up his chopsticks, and pushed around the lumps of rice, but didn't make any attempt to eat. The kids around him dug into their food with great enthusiasm.

Makishima stuck his hands in his pocket, and sat in the seat next to Onoda.

Onoda twirled in his chair, "Mama! Is mama gonna eat…?

Makishima shook his head "Nah, I ate already." He paused for a second, "What about you? Are you gonna eat?"

Onoda shook his head, "Not hungry…" He muttered.

"Onoda never eats." The pigtailed girl said. "He doesn't like food."

Makishima ignored her, trying to think of a way to convince the boy to eat.

"Onoda.." He muttered and the boy looked up at him, "I know you don't like to eat, but it's not good for you not too." Onoda didn't respond, still blankly playing with the food in the paper plate.

"but you ate your burger. Do you not like this food."

Onoda frowned, "I don't wanna eat."

Makishima sighed, "But you ate that night."

Onoda nodded, "For Hime…."

That was right. That night, Makishima had bribed Onoda to eat with that promise of a toy. Why couldn't that work now? "Will you eat if you get your toy back?"

Onoda cocked his head to the side, thinking. He nodded, his head slowly.

Makishima grinned, feeling accomplished, "Okay, I'll be right back."

He made a move to leave but Onoda reached out and grabbed one of the tassels of his shirt. "Mama is coming back..?"

Makishima nodded, reaching out to pet his short black hair, "Yeah, I'll be back." Onoda preened under his touch, smiling brighter than before, "Okay!"

Makishima headed over to where Miss Tendo was talking with an animated young man. He made a motion, trying to make it obvious that he was coming so that he wouldn't interrupt anything important. He caught her attention, and she turned to him, "Ah, Yes, Mr. Makishima, right? I'll go get the information you need."

Makishima shook his hand, "uh, no, that's not why I'm here.." He looked over to the man that was giving him a weird look, "I wanted to ask you something…"

"Oh? Yes, what is it?"

He glanced back at the table that Onoda was at. "Could you give Onoda his toy back? The hime thing? I think he'll eat if you give him, you know...initiative."

Miss Tendo blinked at him, "Uh, Mr. Makishima, that is called bribery, and its not something that we like to do here. It can encourage a child to act out in order to get what he or she wants."

Makishima wanted to roll his eyes. Onoda was not 'acting out' and the boy needed to eat. Damn be the consequences. Bribery or not, he truly doubted that Onoda would ever turn into a spoiled brat because of a little toy. Of course, he wasn't going to say that through, because Makishima knew that these people, who worked and interacted with children on a daily basis wouldn't listen to him, a stranger.

He cared about Onoda's health and well being, and if he was in charge he would spoil the kid rotten to get him to eat.

Maybe it was good he wasn't a parent

"Yeah, I understand. But, isn't more important for him to eat? I mean he ate when i fed him-"

"You fed him?" Miss Tendo interrupted sharply

Makishima frowned at her tone, but nodded. "yeah…"

She glanced at the man, who was still looking at Makishima, before continuing, "I see...so that's why he was sick.."

Makishima's eyes widened, "What? Sick? How...because of the food?"

The man spoke up, "Uh, sorry to interrupt. Yeah, Onoda-chan was sick that night. We thought it was because of all the exertion of traveling and being with a stranger. He wouldn't tell us if he ate anything, and we assumed he didn't because, well...he doesn't eat." he chuckled, scratching his head, "Ah, I was with him all night...so.."

Guilt tore at Makishima's stomach, and he himself felt sick. He earlier thoughts of Onoda's well being dropping like lead weights on his shoulders.

Miss Tendo raised a hand, "Don't worry, Mr. Makishima, Its normal for a child with Onoda's disposition to suffer consequences after ingesting a large amount of foods. We keep his food here regulated, as to not upset his stomach."

Makishima nodded dumbly, because his tongue was dead in his mouth.

Miss Tendo shifted uncomfortably, before looking over to the man, "Ah, Shiro-san, I have to get some papers for Mr. Makishima. " She turned to a depressed Makishima, "Makishima-san, I'm going to get the information you need. Also, you may need to sign a couple of papers because you are a non relative." She bowed to both of them briefly, before walking away.

Makishima was staring hard at a spot on the ground, his mind racing. It was a literal punch to the stomach to know that he had been a direct cause to Onoda being miserable. Whatever sick it was didn't matter, because being sick sucked in any way. He had been powering ahead blindly, unaware of how he could affect Onoda's well being. He gritted his teeth as frustration flushed through him.

"Ah...Makishima-san, was it?"

The man, Shiro-san, asked. He smiled hesitantly, clearly uncomfortable in the presence of one gloomy Makishima. "Yes."

"So, you found him, right? That day...I heard you saved Onoda and all. He was talking about you all night long. He really likes you."

It was like the man was purposely trying to push the guilty knife even further into Makishima's chest. He nodded absently, and looked back down at floor, not wanting to be rude, but not really in the mood to talk.

"He calls you mama." Shiro-san said softly, and Makishima looked up at him. The man looked at tad sad, and Makishima was surprised. "Does...does he do that to everyone?"

Shiro-san shook his head, "No. You know, Onoda's mom died from an infection about a year ago. But Onoda had been with us for three now. He was so happy all the time, and nice and polite, that most of us here didn't realize that he had problems. Did Saiyuri-san tell you why he doesn't eat?"

Makishima nodded quickly, assuming that Sayuri-san was Miss Tendo, eager to hear Onoda's backstory. "Well, we didn't notice that until he fainted one day. Malnutrition. It was bad. He was in the hospital for a while, and his Mom was worried sick. She was a nice lady, had the same smile. But she was on hard times… "

Shiro-san crossed his arms and frowned at a couple of boys roughhousing at a nearby table, before continuing, "Onoda is always happy, and that the problem. Kids, they cry when they're sad, or hurt, or lonely, but Onoda doesn't. He just nods and smiles. But when he woke up, after be separated from you, he cried." He looked up at Makishima, his eyes trying to convey something, "he cried for hours. I've haven't seen him that sad since his mom left him here."

Makishima grit his teeth, feeling the weight of those words on his shoulders. What the hell was this guy saying, and why, why was he saying it.

"I don't know why..but Onoda really believes that his mom sent you...It's...sad." He shook his head, "I just want you to realize that. "

Makishima gave him a horrified look. He didn't know what to do. Onoda had cried a lot with him. Does he really not cry around others? It had to be true, why would this man lie to him? It didn't make sense, "Why..why would you tell me that...?"

Shiro-san grinned, "I...I think you can help Onoda-chan. You know...I can tell you care...He only has a year before he heads out to the the youth house. When he turns six, his chances of being adopted drastically drop. I thought…"

"Are you suggesting I adopt him.." Makishima seethed.

Shiro-san jerked back as Makishima snapped at him. "Ah! No! I'm sorry..no..of course not..I'm sorry..I didn't mean to offend you..."

Makishima recoiled, shame filling him. He hadn't meant to snap, but his nerves were being stretched, the guilt and his helplessness making him tense up. Adopting Onoda was impossible. He couldn't even begin to count all the ways he was the worst candidate to take care of a child.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..I'm sorry. Its just that..I can't...I can't take care of a child."

Shiro-san nodded, clearly weary of him now, "Of course. I shouldn't have said anything." He took a step away, "I'm going to check on my kids. Excuse me."

Shiro-san left, leaving a frazzled, dispirited Makishima behind.

There was no doubt that the man had left a seed of..

No, it was impossible, right. I wasn't as if Onoda wouldn't get adopted in a year. He was polite, and caring, and adorable. His food issue would certainly be outweighed by the endless joy he had. Any being with a mind and eyes would see that.

It would be a tragedy if Onoda went the rest of his life in a orphanage. That would be unfair, unjust. Plain cruel.

Makishima shook himself out of his thoughts, and decided to head back to the company of the said boy.

The was a sort of crowd gathered round Onoda's table, and as Makishima approached, he could hear agitated voices.

"t'was 'cause of you I got in trouble!"

"I really sorry, Hibiki-kun." the reply was subdued, the absolute opposite of the other voice, that was loud and grating.

"nah-uh, PeePee-kun. You didn't let me have that dumb princess toy, so I got in trouble. "

Makishima paused. What sort of evil nickname was that?

"But, Hibiki-kun, mama gave me hi-"Onoda started but was quickly cut off.

"Mama? Why are you talking about a mama? Your mama is dead. You don't have a mama.

Makishima was close enough to see Onoda beam happily, "I have a mama. Mama is here today. Mama give me hime!"

The other boy, Hibiki gave Onoda a look of exasperation, "You're crazy, peepee-kun. No way! You really really dumb!"

Makishima was furious, and if he wasn't a grown man he would've of kicked the boy in the shins. This was the Hibiki bastard. Although, the expletive was a little harsh, seeing Hibiki was only around six years old.

But still, bullying Onoda was not acceptable

"Hibiki-kun! My mama is here! Really really!"

Hibiki pushed Onoda in his chair, just a slight push, but it made the boy bite his lower lip in pain, "I'm telling you, PeePee-kun! Nobody wanna a boy the peepees in his bed! Who wannabe your mama!"

Makishima felt the word shoot out of him like a rocket.

"I'm his mama..."

The children froze, and then almost trembling, the turned to look up at him. The bully's face was priceless when he laid eyes on Makishima. For once, he was glad that he really was terrifying. He contemplated on attempting one of his signature smiles, but decided not to punish them. Even if the bully deserved it.

Onoda jumped in his chair, "Mama! Mama!"

Makishima made a big show of sitting down next to the boy, and noted with some disappointment that the food was still untouched.

Hibiki was frightened by the big green haired man, Makishima could tell, but he was too curious to leave, "Are you really Onoda's mama?"

Makishima paused for a second, but after looking at Onoda smiling so widely, he nodded his head. Onoda bounced in his chair, "Mama! this my friends! Hibiki-kun. he really like Hime, too!"

Makishima blinked at the boy's generous introduction. Did he really regard this mean little boy as his friend?

Hibiki scowled, "but its a boy!" he said, not meeting Makishima's eyes,

Onoda merely shrugged, "Mama is mama. Mama was at the Mama swing, Hibiki-kun. Just like you said." Onoda said, his enthusiasm evident.

The boy looked surprised for a second, and then he scowled harder, "Whatever, pee-" he stopped mid sentence when he noticed Makishima's eyebrows slip into a frightening frown, "Onoda-kun….I'm leaving."

And with that little declaration he left.

Onoda watched him go, confused, before turning and reaching out with a hand to tug a strand of Makishima hair, "Is mama going to take me now..?"

Makishima flinched at what he asked.

Damn it, he had said something unintentionally, and now he had to take it back. "uh.."

"'cause mama said! Mama said mama was mama."

The amount of time that Onoda said Mama was starting to embed itself into Makishima soul. He like the name, reacted to it even.

Makishima smiled wryly, liking the affection the boy gave him despite of himself."yeah...I know I said that…"

Onoda smiled, so wide that Makishima wondered if it hurt, "I knew! I knew mama would get me!"

Makishima grinned, "yeah, okay...now are you gonna eat?"

Onoda pouted, "I'm not hungry." His small round face shifting from absolute happiness to petulant annoyance so quickly that it was actually really funny.

"Don't give me that. Eat." Makishima said, his tone changing to something he had never heard before. Was he...scolding?

Onoda managed to give him a look of long suffering before picking up his chopsticks. Makishima watched, as Onoda gingerly picked up a clumps of rice and put it in his mouth.

The success he felt in that moment dwarfed all of his fashion achievements.

That was pretty sad.

"See! you ate! Is it that bad?"

Ondoa tilted his head, before shaking it, "not bad…." he turned to Makishima , eyes hopeful. "mama's not gonna go now….I ate …."

Makishima laid a hand on his head, understanding what the boy was afraid of now, "no, Onoda. i'm not going anywhere."

He beamed, and with renewed determination he lifted his chopstick again.

Makishima was actually giddy as he watched the boy eat.

What was this feeling. It welled up inside him like a tide. It wasn't affection. That was warm and fuzzy.

It felt like when he won competitions.

Pride?

Was he proud?

And of who? Himself for getting the boy to eat, or Onoda for...eating?

No. Not pride...something more substantial. Pride was tied to it…. it was a good feeling. Warm, like tea, drenching his insides.

Makishiam's eyes widened as he made the connection.

Happiness.

Sheer Happiness.

Makishima gave the boy a fond look. Onoda was…

"Mr. Makishima?"

The man started at his name, and turned to look at the woman at his side. Miss Tendo had returned, a manilla folder in her hand. She looked over his shoulder to Onoda, and her eyes widened when she saw him.

"Sakamichi! you- You're eating?"

Makishima tried not to look smug when Onoda responded. "Yup. mama told me to eat…"

Miss Tendo looked surprised, as she handed the folder to Makishima. "ah..here is the prescription you asked for, and the make and model of the glasses Onoda previously had. Is there anything else…?"

Makishima shook his head, "Uh no...i don't think so."

She nodded her head, and moved over next to Onoda. "How is the food, Sakamichi?"

Onoda shrugged, but he smiled at Makishima. Makishima returned a wry smile.

"Miss Tendo-san, is it true that the scary man is Onoda's mama?"

Miss Tendo blinked at the question, turning questioning eyes to the man, who suddenly look sheepish.

Makishima was about the give the girl a warning look, but Miss Tendo spoke up before he had a chance. "No..Mr. Makishima is only visiting Sakamichi today."

The pigtailed girl pulled at one of the pigtails, "but scary man said he was! He said he was Onoda-kun's mama?"

The look that Miss Tendo gave him was a mixture of confusion, anger and bewilderment. Onoda sealed the deal, "yup! Mama said so! mama said!"

"Mr. Makishima, may I speak with you…?" The woman asked in a tense voice.

Makishima was afraid for a moment, knowing that he was in for a scolding. He stood up and after telling Onoda to 'finish your food' he followed the stiff lady out of the cafeteria.

"Mr. makishima, did you actually tell Onoda that you were his mother?" Miss Tendo confronted him when they were in the hallway.

Makishima scratched his face, nervous, "ah..yeah. It sort of slipped out."

"slipped out!? What- I mean, you can not tell a child that! They believe you when you say such things!"

Makishima nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing with her. "I know. But that is what happened. This kid was bullying Onoda, telling him no one wanted to be his mom, that I just said it."

Miss Tendo rubbed her forehead, "It's not bullying, Mr. Makishima. And in such a situation, promising to adopt a child is the worst possible choice. What are you gonna tell Onoda now?" Her voice was getting higher, almost shifting into the screeching octaves.

"It was bullying! I saw it. They were calling Onoda peepee-kun or something."

Miss Tendo paused, glancing up at him and quickly looking away, "Oh... I thought ...I thought they stopped doing that…." she sighed and went back to looking weary.

It was obvious that Onoda had a problem, but Makishima asked anyways, "Does Onoda..does he.."

"Yes. He's a frequent bed wetter. At first we thought it was because of the new living environment. Most children wet the bed when moved so drastically like this, but Onoda has been doing it for three years now…that why we keep him in different clothing. He doesn't always have full control of his bladder."

Oh that explained the ragged clothing, while the other children were in their sunday best.

"but that not the point. Mr. Makishima, you can't tell a boy that you will adopt him when you're not!"

"What if I do?"

"What!?"

Maksima pulled at his hair, "What if I do it? If I adopt Onoda…?"

She gaped at him looking like a fish out of water."No...you...Adopt..?"

Makishima was collecting steam now. His reasoning was solid. Onoda was kind, and nice, and polite. He was a bundle of joy, and needed help. Makishima could do it. He could adopt him,

The man Shiro-san had said it. They fit. Onoda couldn't stay here, where he was being bullied, and ignored.

Makishima had already made progress with the eating thing, and although the bet wetting issues seemed, harrowing, he didn't doubt that he could take care of it.

It was Onoda.

He could do it. he really could…

"I think i'll do it" he said out loud, at Miss Tendo who was still looking so surprised.

"I'm going to adopt Sakamichi Onoda."

He was insane. This was insane.

He was back home, after stopping by the glasses shop to drop off the prescription and picking out some suitable frames.

While he was there, the realization of what he had done hit him like a ton a brick. he was going to adopt a child! What the hell had happened to him? All this time he had made out list as to why he couldn't and it one moment he had thrown that well comprised list, and did the complete opposite. he didn't regret it through. This kid needed help...

He scanned the address book in his hand, looking for a certain number. It had been at least three years since he had talked to his oldest friend, and this conversation was going to be awkward.

When he found the number, he quickly dialed it into his phone.

It rang four times, before a gruff voice answered. "'Ello?"

"Tadokorocchi?"

"Yuusuke Makishima? What the- Wow! This is out of the blue. What? Are you dying?"

Makishima laughed, something Tadokoro could always make him do. "No, I'm okay..I wanted to call and say..uh hi."

"Pft! Like I believe that! No offense, but you aren't the type."

Makishima rolled his eyes, "Alright, you old bear. You got me. I need..to uh ask you something."

"Yeah, what? Wait a second, Maki." Makishima pulled the phone away from ear as Tadokoro yelled to someone."Oi! Listen! NO! Listen to your mom. I'm talkin' on the phone!" The voice leveled out again as he addressed Makishima, "Okay, what do you want?"

Makishima sighed, and plopped down on his bed. "You..have a kid right?"

"Two of 'em. And one on the way, why?"

Makishima ran a hand through his hair, "Oh. Congradulations."

"Eh, Thanks, But after two kids, its seems like routine. So, Whatcha' need."

"I..." He really should just get it over with, "I'm adopting a kid."

There was a pause. A silence save the slight static of breathing, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Makishima sighed. This was predictable, of course he wouldn't be taken seriously. "No..it isn't a joke. I..there is this kid. I want to adopt him"

Tadokoro laughed, "Okay, okay, I believe you. So why call me?"
"You're the only person I know that has kids who would tell me the truth, Tadokorocchi.

"Damn right, I'll tell you the truth. What do you wanna know?"

Makishima scratched his face, pondering what to ask exactly, "Uh...Is having a kid...hard?"

Tadokoro snorted roughly on the phone, "Are you kiddin' me! Its the hardest job in life! Believe me. I'm not takin' your commitment lightly, but I'm telling you that some days will be like death. Can you do that? Old training days for Interhigh will feel like a piece of cake when that kid is sick...or in a bad mood. What does your wife or whatever say about it?"

Makishima grimaced, "Well..its just me. Alone. I don't have a.. lover."

"What? How the hell- I mean, Maki, seriously, is you adopting even legal? And hell, its hard with me and my wife, but alone, I'd probably die."

Makishima sighed, feeling distressed "I know. I have no idea what I'm doing, Tadokorocchi I just said it and now, I can't , you know...take it back. "

He thought about how Onoda had looked when he had declared that he was his mom. The words had shot out of him, propelled with an overwhelming desire to give Onoda everything that he deserved. Give him happiness. If anyone in the world needed happiness, it was that boy.

So, no he couldn't take it back.

"Alright, listen. It is hard, Maki, but I know you. You do things your own way. Hell, you're still the freakiest cyclist I've ever seen, but even I can't doubt that you're the fastest climber too. You can do it, in your own freaky way."

Makishima didn't know how to feel about the encouragement since it was wrapped up in several insults, "Hey, at least I don't look like a bear at a circus."

"Oi, Shut your mouth. I'll hang up on you."

Makishima chuckled, "haha, well, Thanks,Tadokorocchi. You always know what to say,"

"Hey now, I'm a married man. Don't go falling in love." he paused on the phone, his tone turning serious, "So what are you gonna do? I have to say adopting a kid doesn't seem like you at all."

"I know." Makishima was well aware the he was the least likely to go out of his way to have a child.

Of course, since it was Onoda, all bets were off.

"Well, call me if you need anything. And I do mean it, Maki. You're gonna need a ton a help."

Makishima rasped into the phone, feeling grateful to his old friend, "I will. I promise. And, I'll come visit you."
"Yeah, you better, and bring your kid. I have to warn him how weird his new dad is."

Makishima sighed heavily, "Hah. Whatever. Goodbye, Todokrochi."

"Yeah, see ya"

He clicked the phone shut, and laid back. The crushing anxiety was gone, replaced with nostalgia. Tadokoro was right. He did have his own spin on doing things. So, he could raise Onoda his own way. And who would have any say in the matter?

Makishima was successful. He was a well known road racer, co-owned a popular label, and though it was declining in sales, it was still successful. He had money to spare. He could take of Onoda.

Right?

Makishima fisted the sheets, pulling them around him. He closed his eyes.

Yeah. Onoda would be happy.

And that's what mattered.

Apparently, happiness is not what mattered.

It's was the least of a long list of concerns.

He sat stiffly in the chair, as the the three suit clad individuals watched him like hawks.

There was the director of the home that Onoda lived in, Miss Sayuri Tendo, and another man that introduced himself as a liaison of the adoption agency that took care of the cases.

This was intimidating.

He was called yesterday, by the director, and asked to come today, for a short meeting. Makishima had readily agreed, because he had no idea how to go about adopting Onoda.

But he hadn't expected this.

Miss Tendo had a pinched look, like she was in pain, and the director next to her was looking haughty. The man, Mr. Yamada was the only one smiling.

Makishima was not going to try and smile, since it would only worsen the current situation.

"We just want the best for Sakamichi."

Makishima leveled his eyes at him. Was he saying that he wasn't the best for Onoda? And although Makishima agreed with him, that he wasn't exactly parent material, it was annoying that this guy was making that judgment.

"All we're saying, Mr. Makishima" the Director jumped in, " is that Onoda would benefit better from going into a two parent home, with more experienced parents. As, Tendo-san has told you, Onoda suffers from several mental impediments . His refusal to eat, his bed wetting and his lack of academic prowess are all issues that will need special attention. That can be a harrowing task for a new parent. Therefore, we want to make sure that you understand why we do not condone your desicion. "

The Director tried to smile after her speech but all she came across as was snobbish.

Makishima pulled at his hair, "So, You're saying that I can't adopt Onoda."

The man, Mr. Yamada, sighed, and flipped through the a file on the table, "Not that you can' you shouldn't. If I may be so bold, to say that I don't think that adopting a child is not something to do on a whim."

Makishima protested, "It is not a whim-"

But when he really thought about it, wasn't it a whim? He had made the declaration with a distressed boy in sight, wanting to save him from here. Not that here was terrible, but still…

"Yes, We understand what you are feeling, Makishima-san, sir." Mr. Yamada Continued. "Onoda-chan is adorable. He's also a very well behaved little boy. But, they don't stay that way. Onoda is going to grow up. Do you know what difficulties lie with adopting a child. Onoda suffers from these issues that take time and experience to work through. Not only that but take into account the death of his mother, and an unknown absent father. You don't know his heritage. Onoda could develop certain tendencies later in life, or a hereditary sickness. Could you handle having to take care of a sick child? All the time you spent with Onoda was good, fun times, but the staff here knows that Onoda is a child that takes a lot of work."

Makishima sank lower in his chair, as the man's words and reasoning were like physical weights on his shoulders, "I'm aware of that...I can learn."

Miss Tendo spoke up, "I'm really sorry, Mr. Makishima, but I don't think you're ready to take care of a child like Onoda. He needs love, and affection. It doesn't seem to me that you are capable of those. There are other children here that are perhaps better suited to-"

Makishima felt like kicking her, "No." he said flatly, trying not glare at the woman, "I don't want to just adopt a child, I want to adopt Onoda. That it."

The Director frowned hard, "Well, we can start a home study. But please remember that we are here to insure what is best for the child. If we deem that you are not, then your petition becomes invalid."

Makishima nodded, "Is that all?" He asked roughly. The three of them nodded. Makishima stood up, "Okay, I'll be back next week. Onoda's glasses will be ready by then."

Miss Tendo followed him out the door, "Mr. Makishima, I am really sorry, but its how I feel." She said as she trailed him down the hall, "Onoda is…"

Makishima stopped and turned to give her an impatient look, "I get it. It's okay. You want to make sure he gets..a good parent."

Miss Tendo nodded, "Yes. He needs a good home. And we can get him one! He just needs a little more time."

Makishima frowned, "I was told that once they turn six, Its harder for a kid to get adopted."

Miss Tendo nodded, wringing her hands nervously, "Yes. but Onoda just turned five at the beginning of this month. As a high risk case, Onoda is pushed higher on the list for adoption. He is such a sweet boy that I know he will have no problem catching a couple's eyes."

Makishima frowned, "And what if that doesn't happen."

She waved her hand dismissively, "He is transferred to a youth house, where you can adopt him from."

"I want to adopt him though… I don't want to wait."

Miss Tendo folded her hand together, "Sir, Onoda needs what's best for him. If you truly care for him, you should want that to."

The words were stinging, and Makishima shrugged, and left to find Onoda without another word. Thankfully, being in the presence of the boy made Makishima doubt fade into the back of his mind.

But not completely leave him.

That meeting was a sign of what was to come. The following few days were like the entire world was against the idea of him adopting Onoda.

He ended up going to the appointment on Wednesday, because he had forgotten to cancel it. It just as awkward as the first. They had a pretty good conversation going until Makishima had mentioned that he was attempting adoption.

"Oh."

The word was spoken in a odd tone, and he wrote something down.

"Is something wrong with that?" Makishima asked wearily. He didn't want to know what was wrong with it through. Every since his meeting with the supervisors at the orphanage, he had starting doubting.

"well, it is odd that you made such a decision. Do you not think its hasty."

Makishima glowered, "No."

The man leaned back in his leather chair, balancing a yellow legal pad on his knee. "Makishima-san, I am known to be blunt, so therefore I will tell you that my next words are my professional opinion. I believe that in your mental state, you are in no way capable of adopting a child."

Makishima clenched his jaw, his grip on the couch tightening for a second. "My mental state?"

"you are depressed, Makishima-san. And looking at your file, and your finances, it seems this stems from a social problem."

"Social problem…."

"Yes...hmmm. I can see what happened. This...boy, he was distressed, and you were present, correct?"

Makishima nodded.

"And then in his distress, you feel moved, and at that moment you have the need to help him. In this case, to adopt him and give him a proper home and whatnot. Is that right?"

Again, Makishima just nodded.

"In that moment, you gave yourself a goal. To help the distressed boy. It gave you a sense of responsibility. The boy would depend on you, feeding the feeling of being needed. Of having purpose."

Makishima looked away, choosing to stare at a bunch a bright flowers on the table between them. "Is that wrong?"

"Not exactly, but the problem is that a child in a living being, unpredictable and uncontrollable. After a while the sense of purpose will fade, and you will find yourself with only the heavy responsibility of a child that you willing took upon yourself in a state of depression. The glory of being a savior will die, and you will regret making such a commitment."

The way he was describing what was happening was so stark and...cold that it made Makishima sick. He made it seem like he was simply using Onoda. That once Makishima got ahold of his life, he would throw the boy away. The most sinister part of it all was the wide smile on the doctor's face as he cut those words into the air.

"That is not what is happening." Makishima forced himself to say.

The doctor merely wrote something down on his pad, nodding his head, "Of course, this is just my professional opinion. You are free to make the decisions, whether good or bad, on your own accord. I just want to help you feel better."

What would help him feel better was punching that smiling face.

If that wasn't bad enough, his brother wasn't encouraging either.

"Are you insane, Yuusuke?" he said slamming a hand on the countertop. Thomas bit his lip, subdued and quiet as he watched the brothers tense conversation, "adopting a child! Do have any idea what you're doing?"

Makishima was stiff at the bar stool, his eyes clouded. "Yes..I-"

"You're grasping at straws..look I get it. You need something, right. You're in a slump and you want to shake yourself out of it, but this is not the way to do it." he ran a hand through his short hair, and he poured himself a glass of heavy scotch. Makishima caught Thomas' eyes, before folding his hand together. "You don't understand, I'm not doing this to annoy you-"

His brother interrupted fiercely,"NO! You can't make this decision. You are out of your mind. What do you want? Time off? Need to leave? Head back to London. What do you want.?"

Makishima voice was rising as well, "I want to help Onoda! goddamn it! Is that so hard to understand? Why is everyone against it!?"

"because you can't do it! Look at yourself, Yuusuke! You're a mess. When was the last time that you were actually happy at something? Do you even care about anything? Our Label, your family! Us! Why are you doing this!"

Makishima could remember very distinctly the happiness that Onoda had invoked, making him warm and meaningful. "This isn't because I just feel like it. If you met him, if you knew him, you would feel the same. I just want to help him. He needs me.."

His brother leaned heavily against the counter, he hand shaking at his outburst. He looked like the world was pressing down on him, intent on making him one with the ground.

"Yuusuke…" he muttered helplessly, "I'm sorry…."

He looked away, focusing his attention to the clean ceramic tile of the kitchen floor, "You can't do this. What happens when it wears off. The Newness, when he's not a kid anymore, not cute? He needs a real parent, Yuusuke. You're not a real parent. You're some guy that spent of couple of hours with him. Can you really give him what he needs?"

Makishima grit his teeth, his eyes boring holes into the glass of scotch his brother was holding.

Doubt.

It had been their since he first declared his intention. He just wanted to help. Was it selfish?

The psychiatrist, the director, Miss Tendo, his brother, they all saw what was happening and came to the same conclusion.

He was not right for Onoda.

The blades of guilt pierced at his side and he shuddered as he felt them enter his soul. He was promising the moon and the stars, when he couldn't even comprehend how to reach them.

What was he doing….

His brother sighed heavily, and placed the glass gently on the countertop.

"Think about the kid, Yuusuke. I know you. A kid is a commitment for life. You love your freedom. You'll hurt him when you grow tired, you'll avoid him when you don't feel like dealing with it. You won't open up to him. And he's is the one that will pay the price for your stupid decisions. I care..about you. I don't want you to hurt anyone...I don't want you to hurt..." he turned away and left, leaving those cutting words to in his wake

Makishima covered his face, digging his nails into his scalp until a hand touched him hesitantly.

He looked up with shadowed eyes to the tight expression on Thomas' face.

"Hey, buddy…" he started, but looked at a lost for words. He smiled, a slightly crooked smile, forcing it considerably, "I'm not good at all this...comforting stuff..but" he patted awkwardly with the hand at his back, his blue eyes sincere, "You're brother really does love you, you know. Sometimes, when we love someone..we hurt 'em. And other times we sacrifices and suffer for them." His eyes began to water, and he hastily looked away. "Aw, hell, I have no idea what i'm talking about. I'm just…" he stepped away.. "it sucks that you want to do this and no one cares what you feel. I know my advice isn't worth shit but, Maki," he scratched his face nervously, and if Makishima wasn't feeling so terrible, he would have laughed at how much Thomas really was part of the family, "do what's best. What you won't regret. Do that."

Makishima nodded, and watched him walk upstairs, probably to talk to his fuming brother.

Everything in the last week settled on him in that moment, and he dropped his head in his folded arms, slumping miserably into a depressed heap.

He welcomed the darkness, as he closed his eyes, tears stinging as they drenched his eyelashes, dropping quietly, unseen and utterly sad.

Makishima knew what he had to do

He fingered the case in his pocket as he entered the building. The lady at the front desk beamed at him, "Mr. Makishima! How are today?"

He didn't answer, but nodded briefly before turning down the hallway.

Onoda's room was quiet, and Miss Sayuri Tendo was sitting in a chair in the corner, reading a book. The children were in their cots, sleeping soundly.

Naptime.

She looked up when he tapped at the door. "oh." she whispered, putting her book down and quietly stood up, "Makishima-san, do you need something..?"

He nodded, and steeling himself he looked over to the cot that Onoda was sleeping in, "I need to talk to...him."

His voice was tight, and he blinked quickly when he felt his eyes water.

She looked confused, but when she saw his face she nodded briskly.

She gently placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly until the boy opened bleary eyes. Makishima turned away hastily, avoiding eye contact. He couldn't ignore the boy for long through because there was a soft gasp, and then he was being hugged tightly, small arms wrapped around his waist. "Mama! Mama, are we leaving today?"

Makishima clenched his jaw, and laid a hand on his head. "Hey, kid… did you have a good nap?"

The boy nodded against his hip, "Yup! I was dream of mama! We were playing with Hime! Can mama play? Please! I was a good boy today!"

Makishima tilted his face away, still refusing to look at the boy. "Uh...we actually need to talk Onoda."

He felt nod his head against his leg, "Okay, mama!"

Miss Tendo walked out the door, motioning to him, "Here, I have a room where we… or you can talk."

Makishima stepped out of Onoda's grip, and walked over to Onoda, "Okay..let's go."

Onoda reached out and grabbed onto Makishima's hand, bouncing along with Makishima's long stride.

The walk to the the room that Miss Tendo was taking them to was dreadful. Onoda was beaming sunshine next to him, and it was stabbing the dagger of hopelessness, and guilt further in his gut.

They made it to a small room, cheerfully colored, with cushions in one corner. It was another twist of the knife.

Miss Tendo gave Makishima a guilty look. "I'll leave you two, then. I'll be right outside…"

Makishima just looked at Onoda at his knees, smiling and trembling with joy.

"Can mama read a story? Like in storytime!?"

Makishima swallowed, and shook his head. "I'm here to give you something, Onoda."

"Ah? A hime?"

"Uh, No…" Makishima dug into his pocket and took out the case. "It's your new glasses."

"AH!" Onoda said jumping with enthusiasm, "New! New?"

Makishima crouched on his haunches, and opened the case, "Yeah. New. Remember what happened to your others ones? "

"They got smashed by car."

The man grinned at the ernest answer, and then felt his grin drop as he remembered what he was going to do. "Yeah...Don't do that again. Okay?"

Onoda frowned hard, nodding his head, "Okay Mama!"

He opened the case, and took out the glasses. Onoda stood still, closing his eyes as Makishima gently placed the glasses on his face.

The glasses were round, and wide, much like the ones that Makishima had first met him in.

When the blue eyes opened again, they seemed larger than life, and twice as bright.

Onoda wrinkled his nose at them, probably adjusting to their weight.

Makishima smiled even through the action made his heart lurch painfully in his chest, "They look good on you."

Onoda smiled, and reached up to touch the frame, tentatively,"So cool, mama!" he skipped around the room, dragging a staggering Makishima as he pranced about.

"I'm gonna show my friends! And Hibiki-kun! And Miss Tendo! I think Miss Tendo was mad when I lost my glasses…" he stopped dancing and reached out with both hands up to Makishima.

The boy was asking to be picked up.

Makishima felt his eyes tear up. It was tearing at his heart, and his fist clenched as he swallowed hard.

He grabbed the boy, and lifting him up. Onoda wrapped his arms around his neck, fitting snugly into Makishima's arms. "Thank you, mama! I really really like my new glasses! I like them like Hime!" Makishima smiled crookedly at the boy's gratefulness.

Onoda shifted in his arms, and leaned away to look at Makishima in the face.

His blue eyes were shining, and Makishima could see his sincere thankfulness there, "but I like Mama the best!"

Makishima closed his eyes, and boy hugged him again, tight and warm.

Makishima held him close for a moment, feeling Onoda's words float around the room, relishing the quiet, sweet, heartfelt moment.

Onoda deserved happiness. And Makishima couldn't give it to him. What was best for him would be to let him meet the parents that could raise him right. Well suited parents that knew how to love, and care, and raise.

Makishima didn't want to stumble through, and ruin a life that was so pure, and bright.

He couldn't do that. Not to him.

Makishima gently pulled the boy away and put him on the ground. The boy looked puzzled, and Makishima let a hand pat the boy on the head, and slide down to his shoulder to rest there.

"Onoda...I…" he swallowed thickly, around the lump in his throat,"I can't..come back."

Onoda looked so confused for a moment, "Mama? Why…"

"I...I can't be your mama, Onoda. I ...can't"

Onoda started shaking, "but! mama...said! Mama said!" he was getting distressed, taking a step back, "Mama promised! Promises...have to keep promises! Mama said."

"I know what I said, but I can't do it! I can't be your parent. I can't adopt you."

Makishima felt the tears slide down his face, "Listen, Onoda, You're going to get better parents, two of them. Soon. You are such a good boy, that you'll get a nice home. "

Onoda was shaking his head hard, eyes screwed shut, "No! No! Mama said! mama-"

"Listen! I'm not coming back, Onoda. I...im not coming back to see you."

The boy stiffened under his hand, and tears started falling down his face, like a flood. "mama...please…"

"No. I can't.." he stood up abruptly, looking anywhere but the boy.

Onoda grabbed his pants, "Mama...mama…" he cried.

Don't look at him. Don't do it. Walk away now, Yuusuke. Leave now. This is what best, this is what is best for him.

He stepped back, but Onoda was not letting go. Makishima closed his eyes when Onoda pressed himself close. It was heartbreaking.

"Mama! I- I " he was stuttering over his hiccups, "I be a good boy, mama! I share! I won't... I won't..." he pressed his face into Makishima's leg, talking into his clothes, "won't be bad. I promise. I be a good boy. please mama! please."

Makishima shook himself, covering his face his hand, as the tears slid down. "No, Onoda. I have...I have to go now."

"No please! please, no! I promise I not hungry I promise to be good boy."

The crying had led to Miss Tendo opening the door. Makishima looked away from her, and she rushed in and scooped Onoda up in her arms. "shhhh, Sakamichi, its okay, shhhh.. its okay.."

Makishima wiped his face, and stumbled to the door, "i'll..I...l'll go now…"

Miss Tendo shook her head pulling Onoda's head into her shoulder. He was inconsolable, "Mama! mama! Please!"

Makishima rounded the corner, almost sprinting and covering his ears so he could stop hearing the heart wrenching cries.

He shouldered open the front door, ignoring the indignant scold from the lady at the front desk.

He kept running, away from the building, away from the guilt, away from what he had done. Mercilessly broke a child's heart, ripped away hope.

It for the best.

Onoda need good, parents. Need a life that Makishima couldn't provide.

He crashed into a fence post and skidded to a stop, dropping painfully to his knees.

Onoda could make it. he really could. he could be happy.

Makishima folded himself into a ball, hiding his distraught face from the world.

Regret filled him, like cold water being poured on his head on a cold winters day. He gasped at the sensation, the hand clawing the inside of his chest ripping at his heart

If this was for the best, why...

Why did it hurt so much.

He could feel his brothers condemning eyes as Makishima poured himself another glass. His head already felt woozy, and he couldn't remember how many bottles of liquor he had gone through, but was subconsciously thankful that Thomas was indeed a drunk.

"Yuusuke…" his brother muttered, and tried to take the the glass away from him. Makishima gave him a glare that could kill, and he instantly backed down. "What…" he drawled, his mouth moving weirdly but words were coming out so he wasn't gonna be picky, "You wanna control this too? " he laughed, but it was a sharp bitter laugh, like breaking glass on a hard surface. "You're right! I'm free! I couldn't do this if I had a kid…" he downed the glass and then attempted to pour himself another one, but his hands weren't moving right, and eventually he gave up trying and drank straight from the bottle. It slipped through his limp hand and crashed onto the counter, exploding into a little firework of alcohol and sharp edges. Makishima felt the liquid pool on his lap, and the cold made him lean forward on his elbows.

His brother snatched his arms back, hissing at him, "You idiot. You hurt yourself!'

Funny, he didn't feel any pain.

Makishima watched with mild amusement at the bits of glass that dug into his skin, dripping blood in the liquid on the counter, turning into a swirl of colors. In his inebriated state he thought that it the shine and glow would make a nice shirt.

"Maki…" Thomas said gently over his brother's loud curses that Makishima was ignoring, "You're bleeding. " His blonde hair covered his eyes and he wiped a bar towel down the bloody arms, sweeping away the embedded pieces of the bottle. Makishima wondered why it didn't hurt.

When Thomas was done cleaning he wiped the counter away, busing himself as his brother paced up and down the kitchen, angry, but unable to voice why he was.

He slapped away the hand that reached for the bottle of vodka, and Makishima snapped, "What! What MORE do you want! I did what you said! I gave it up! I stopped! Are you gonna tell me that I can't feel fuckin' mesirable about it. That I can't miss him!? What do you want from me!?"

"I WANT you normal again. Goddamn it! Yusuuke! Why can't you just return the way you were? Before! Before all this shit!"

Makishima reached for the bottle of scotch again, intent on throwing at his stupid selfish brother brother, but Thomas grabbed it first. He poured the clear liquid into a new glass, and slid it across the still wet countertop. "Here. Drink slowly."

"Damnit Thomas I don't want him the drin-"

"Shut up" Thomas said, a biting angry comment. "Let him drink. It helps the pain."

Makishima glanced at his brother, and wanted to laugh at his helpless furious face.

"It helps, but only for a little bit, Maki. At the end of the day it's still there." He watched passively as Makishima drank down the contents of the glasses and he poured him another one. "We'll be upstairs, If you need anything."

Makishima responded by twirling his finger in the glass, shifting the ice.

He didn't hear them leave, and didn't care that they did.

He was to busy wallowing.

Thomas was right. The alcohol did help, and right now, the buzz in head, the feeling of heavy fullness in his stomach was all that mattered

He drank again and again, until he couldn't lift up the glass to his lips, and it kept spilling on his shirt. He was laughing and sobbing, and yelling at shadows on the walls, incoherent.

He drank until he didn't know what was up and what was down.

There was only one thing that the could see very clearly, one thing that he couldn't forget, like a piecing blinding light in a dark cold night.

It was bright blue eyes.

Someone kicked him, and Makishima awoke to the pain. His head throbbed, a loud ringing corkscrewing in the middle of his head,

"Oi! Yuusuke. Wake up!"

Makishima attempted to brush away the hand tugging relentlessly at his night shirt. Unfortunately, he didn't have the strength to push it away.

"Yuusuke, some lady has been calling you forever now. She says its important. Her name is Sayuri"

Makishima felt his heart leap, as he scrambled out of bed, reaching out his hand to take the phone in his brother's hand. His head was throbbing painfully, and the contents in his stomach were threatening to spill out but the thought of Onoda in danger made everything else unimportant.

"Yes! This is..this is Makishima!" he said hurriedly into the phone

"Makishima-san! Its Sayuri Tendo from-"

"Yes I know, What is it? Is it Onoda? What wrong!?" Makishima cut in impatiently.

"Onoda! He's gone again! We think he headed down to that park you found him at? Which one was it?"

"What! How long ago?"

"We don't know, He wasn't in bed this morning. We called the police. Where are you, Mr. Makishima? "

"I'm going to the park."

"Wait! Don't-"

He clicked the phone closed and threw it behind him on the bed, looking for his pants and a shirt. His brother stared wide eyed at him, before attempt to question him, "Yuusuke, what...what is- wait a second, what is going on?"

"Onoda is gone, he left the orphanage again." Makishima said, panic setting in as he desperately tried to put his pants on.

His brother sighed, "Yuusuke, wait. I thought you were leaving this behind. Don't go.."

Makishima gritted his teeth, "Onoda is...he could be hurt..or lost. Someone could take him.." he grabbed a shirt, and pulled it on, "I have to..I have to.." He rushed to the door, but he brother slammed it shut in his face, "Wait! Stop. Look at yourself. You need to let this go! This is driving you crazy! You…" He was clenching his fist so tightly, his knuckles were white, "I've never seen you so miserable! You need to stop this.."

Makishima pushed him away from door, but his brother was unmovable. He clutched at his arm, clawing desperately to get out, "You don't get it! Onoda is...Onoda is..!"

"What! What is he? He's a kid that is NOT your responsibility! You said you wouldn't get involved anymore!"

"I need..! You don't understand…! Let me go…!"

"No! Look at yourself! You were so drunk last night, you're miserable, you have no idea what you're doing! You're life is a wreck. Let the kid go!"

"I can't! He's my son! He's mine! I love him! I can't…."

His brother froze stiff, his facing looking in pain. He placed a hand on Makishima's shoulder, "He's not, Yusuuke..he's not.." he said softly, his eyes closing for a second, "He's not yours so.."

Makishima shrugged his hand away.. "I care, alright. Onoda needs me right now..I'm not going to leave him."

His brother's jaw tightened and he opened his mouth as to say something, but shut it abruptly before nodding and moving wordlessly away from the door.

Makishima tore through the house, pausing only to grab his shoes at the door.

How to get there quickly was the question. He didn't have time to call a taxi, and his brother wouldn't drive him. He started suddenly as he thought of his bike. That was it.

He rushed into the garage at took out his dejected bike back on the road.

It was like he had never stopped riding, his bike responded to him eagerly and Makishima rode like he was back in high school.

He was sick, and tired and exhausted, his hangover effecting his pedaling, but he wouldn't let anything stop him.

The road was sleek with a the morning dew, and his tires slipped for a second before he righted himself again.

This was his fault. He had done this. Of course Onoda would run, of course. Makishima had broken his promise, had broken his heart. If anything happened to Onoda…

His speed increased, and Makishima knew that this had to be the fastest he had ever gone on flats.

The park came into view and he went right into the front gate, ignoring the painful jolts of the uneven pavement under his wheels. He didn't stop until he saw the swing set and jumped off his bike. It careened into some bushes.

There was a small figure on the swing, and it tensed at the sound of Makishima's bike crashing.

It was Onoda Sakamichi, sitting there, eyes as bright as ever.

But his smile was missing.

"Onoda…" Makishima said softly, quietly, as one would to a frightened animal, "Onoda…"

Makishima saw the hands clutching the chains tighten for a second, his eyes widening.

"Ma-" he started, his whole face beaming joy but quickly shut his mouth, and closed his eyes tight, shutting out the light.

Makishima stepped forward slowly until, if he wanted to, he could touch the boy's soft hair.

"Onoda…"

"Makishima-san.." the boy muttered, and Makishima felt a tight fist grab his heart. It was the first time Onoda had ever said his name, had ever called him something other than Mama.

"Onoda..why..why are you here..?"

The boy wouldn't look up at him, and Makishima felt real tears threaten to fall out. Onoda was shutting him out, pushing him away. "Onoda...tell me..please."

The boy sniffed loudly, "I'm waiting for my mama…"

Makishima looked lost, his hands reaching out, but not brave enough to touch the boy, to comfort. He was helpless to do anything, but stand there, immobilized by guilt.

"I'm sorry, Onoda." Makishima said, as he raised a hand to cover his eyes, shutting out the sight of the forlorn boy, his tears slipped through his fingers, trailing down his face, "I.."

He heard the creak of the swing, and small shuffling feet, then a slight tug on his shirt. Makishima slowly uncovered his face, hesitant to reveal the pain he was feeling to the boy.

Onoda was suffering silently, the rapid tears falling down his face were proof that the boy needed comfort, love..affectionate, and in that moment, Makishima would do anything to help his pain stop.

"Can you be my mama? Please…" The words were quiet, but there was no tremble in his voice. This was it. It was as if the boy had set an ultimatum. Here and now, Makishima had to make a decision.

But, Onoda deserved the best.

Makishima was not it.

He dropped to his knees, wiping his face roughly. He reached out with his hands, putting them both on Onoda's shoulder, avoiding eye contact. "Onoda...I can't be your mama. I don'

t... " He closed his eyes tight, forcing the words out even though they were searing him, "I don't deserve to. You deserve better than me.."

Onoda brow furrowed, looking puzzled behind his round glasses, and he gently pulled at a ragged lock of Makishima's hair. His face was confused, but determined as he spoke, "But I love you, mama. I just want mama."

The man slumped on his hunches, not having the strength to kneel properly, his hands tightening on the boy's shoulder, Onoda's words stabbing him in the heart, and draining all his energy.

Words were never Makishima's strong point, and they often left him when his emotions ran high. He had no words here that could convey how much he cared for the boy, how much he wanted this kid to be happy, to smile from real joy, forever. He wanted him to grow up, and infect others with his contagious optimism, with his genuine brightness.

And so, Makishima decided to be selfish.

If he could be a part of Onoda's life, he would take it.

He would just have to work hard everyday to be the father that Onoda deserved.

"I...I love you too, Onoda." he said, feeling the smile come up from somewhere deep inside him, spreading broadly on his face, "Listen, Onoda. Will you let me try again. Can I be your Mama?"

The boy didn't need to say a word, because he threw himself into Makishima's arms hugging him around the neck tightly.

"Mama! Mama!"

Makishima gripped the boy tightly in the embrace, feeling a strong stubborn heartbeat, and soft infectious warmth.

Here was purpose, here was meaning.

Here, in his arms, was life.

And Makishima was truly thankful.

End Notations:
Finally, Makishima is going to adopt a cute bundle of joy. Is it getting too long?

I think I lost Makishima's character...ah….have I? Did I ever have it down is the real question… I guess that happens when you put a character in a really ...different world..
What do you think?

Honestly, I have no idea why I keep writing this…. It just keeps getting longer..I have like three other stories that need to be revised so I could post them, but I keep coming back to this! I want to stop...but I can't . Is this weird... Im really doubting everything right now.
And once again if you see something that doesn't sound...english, point it out. Writing fiction is a fun way to learn how to write fluent english!
I think.

Postscript: Comment! Review! Like! It helps me to know that people enjoy my work and to write faster. Encouragement!