I looked around the room which had been my home for nearly 2 years now. I remember the first time I moved in. Ever since the attack, I had been living in the Association Headquarters. I had my meals with other Hunters' children, schooled with them, and got stared at by them. They didn't know I could hear them whispering behind my back. They didn't know that I knew what they called me behind my back; monster. A good looking one, according to the girls.

I knew they were right. I knew I had no right to protest. I knew they wouldn't accept me as one of them, no matter how good a Hunter I was. I knew and understood it all. But for some reason, it ached. At that point of my life, I had never been alone before. I've always had a brother to hang around me. But, suddenly, I was alone. Even if I knew that I had to spend the rest of my life that way, it was still hurtful. I knew I shouldn't be hurt, I couldn't be weak enough to let these petty feelings bother me. But it did. Each time I heard those whispers behind my back, I steeled myself a little more. I built another layer of ice around my heart with each insult I heard.

I remember one of the missions that they sent us rookies to. They had underestimated the vampire. My partner and I ended up in the hospital, our beds next to each other. His mother came, fussing over him, bringing food and comforting him. I pretended to sleep. That was when I realized, the more I tried to be like them, the more these little things surface and bother me. Only when Chairman visited me in the hospital with a birthday cake, that I remembered, "Ah, I'm 16 today." Ichiru used to be the one to bring me a cake. Chairman bought me a laptop as a present. I asked him if I could move out instead.

He brought me around several properties that the Association owned. And I chose this one. I looked around the flat. It was still exactly the way it was when I first moved in. I never thought of it as a home, just as a place to sleep. But leaving this place gave me a nostalgic feeling. It was in this room that I found solace, able to have my bad dreams without anyone walking in, that I was able to choke and starve in peace without fear of anyone judging me. Without me realizing it, it had become a home, whether I thought of it that way or not. I was reluctant to leave.

I was reluctant to leave her.

I sat down to write the letter.
I love you. I love you so much, it's scary. I love you so much, it hurts. I love you so much, I love you.
Instead of that, I wrote: "Thank you. Thank you so much for helping me live. Thank you so much for taking care of me. Thank you so much for everything, sincerely thank you."

If I were a man, I'd never leave you. If I were a man, I'd tell you never to leave me too.
"I have to go somewhere for work now. As you know, my job is dangerous. It would be best if you don't look for me and don't find me."

I wish I could stay in your arms forever, fall asleep next to you for the rest of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I hope you do too.
"It's a good thing though. You won't have to take care of me at night anymore. You don't have to feel responsible for me any longer. Go out with nice men, good men. Date around, since you don't have to rush home to take care of me. Find someone who'll love you well, who'll take care of you well."

My time with you was the best in my entire life. You've given me so much more to live for. I've been so lost for so long, but I'm not scared anymore, because I've found you.
"Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. Everything's alright now."

For that, I'm eternally grateful. Thank you so much for being my guiding light. Thank you so much for all the love you've given me. Thank you so much for letting me feel love for the first time.
"Once again, thank you for everything."

Love, your Zero.
"Best regards, Zero."

My hands were shaking. I was biting back this sudden sharp pain in my chest as I sealed the envelope. My lips were quivering, holding back my screams. I didn't know that I was capable of such pain. I didn't know it would be this hard to leave. I stuffed the contents of my life in this flat, all into a duffel bag. All it took was that one bag. That realization shouldn't even be startling anymore.

Just when I've started thinking of this flat as a home, I have to leave. I told myself, "It's okay, Zero. It'll be okay."

But I know myself well enough.
Things will never be okay. I will miss her. I will yearn for her. I will long for her.
Because I've finally known love. And I'm already addicted to the taste of love in her blood.

I closed the door to my flat and entered hers.
I approached Yuki, fast asleep. I watched her, memorizing the shape of her face, her expression. I swept the hair off her face, one last time. I let my touch linger, one last time. And for the first time, I said 8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning.

I love you.
I whispered to her. For the first time. For the last time.

I kissed her cheek, one last time. I memorized the feeling of her skin on my lips, its softness and its scent, one last time. I turned my back to her, one last time.

I mumbled something to Chairman, I can't even remember what.
Then, closed the door, one last time.