"I love you."
I thought I heard you say. I felt your lips on my cheek, your fingers lightly touching me. I wanted to pull you, to stop you from leaving. But you leaving, would be my way out.
I understand now, why Rido wanted you. In this war, they want to use you as a pawn. You're the strongest hunter, and taking you out of the equation would mean a victory. And they'll use me to do just that.

But, I love you.
I can't do that to you. I should leave before this gets any deeper than it already is. It's good that you're leaving. Because I cannot bear to leave you. Not now, not ever. You should go. Leave now and don't look back. Leave me here, so that you can live well without me. Leave me, I will hurt you more than anything else. More than Shizuka, more than your parents, more than your brother's betrayal. I will be the one who hurts you most, so leave now.

But, I love you.
I didn't realize that love's supposed to be like this. I never knew raw, pure unadulterated love could feel so perfect, no matter the imperfect circumstance. I never knew that I was capable of feeling this much for you. How could I? In my perfect little world, I never had to try to love. This was different. This world is harsh and cruel, but this difficult love, is beyond perfect. This love I never knew could exist, this love I never dreamt of having; this love I have for you.

One step out, and I'm already trembling. I forced myself to continue, feeling something in me tear apart bit by bit the further I walked away. This pain was choking me, strangling me to death. All this while, as I dreamt of you, I thought that pain was hunger. Now, I know better. I'm not hungry for blood anymore. I'm just hungry for you. I've been starved for this so long, long before Shizuka. This love, I've always longed for but just never knew it.

I stood there, rooted to the spot in the pouring rain. I thought leaving was easy, that all I had to do was pack my bags and walk away. I can't. I want to stay here, I want to stay with you. I couldn't bring myself to leave, I couldn't bring my legs to continue walking. This sharp pain in my chest, that burning sensation each time I tried to take another step. I knew exactly why.
I can't leave you. I can't, even though I must.
I love you. I love you, even though I must not.

And in my selfish mind, all I can't think of was you. I knew I had to leave, but that selfish bastard in me wanted you to make the decision for me. I wanted you to come wrap your arms around me and stop me from leaving, like I know you would. I wanted you to hold me and tell me to stay here with you. I wanted you to tell me to stay right next to you, never to leave you. I wanted you to stop me from leaving you, because I'm a coward who can't leave but shouldn't stay either.
So, when two opposing forces come together, there I stood, unable to move forward nor back, unable to leave you nor go back to you.

I stood there for ages, letting the rain soak me through, letting the rain wash away those foolish thoughts of mine. I saw Chairman leave, probably an hour or so later. Are you alright? Have you woken up by now? Are you feeling dizzy? Does it still sting, where I bit you? I'm so sorry, baby I'm so sorry. Please, please forgive me… No, no don't. Don't forgive me. You shouldn't. You should hate me, hate me so that I can leave easier.

I wanted to check on you, just to see if you're up. I wanted to at least see you, up and about, one last time. How many times have I said this already, the phrase one last time? I'm just delaying, aren't I? I'm just giving myself excuses to keep running back to you, hoping that one of those times, you'll hold on to me like you'll always do and prevent me from leaving. I'm a coward, aren't I?

For once in your life, Zero Kiryuu, do something right.
Just leave.

Chairman left, and I was left alone in my room.

I looked at the wall between my room and Zero's.
Behind that wall, Zero had lived years, suffering alone. Behind that wall, Zero had hidden himself from the world. Behind that wall, Zero had cried out alone at night, suffering a thousand sorrows by himself. My strong, cold Zero.

Who will take care of Zero now? Who's going to hold him so that he doesn't topple out of bed? Who's going to shush him when he starts screaming? Whoever it is, it can't be me anymore.

I got up. I'm in too deep, I have to leave. He's gone now. It's time for me to leave too. This will be a dream tomorrow. I'll be back with Kaname tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'll be alright.
But, Zero wouldn't be.

And that single thought, brought me to tears.
I try telling myself, are you sure you're in love Yuki? Or are you treating him as a puppy, just someone to heal? Are you treating him as a new toy, just something you've never seen before and want to try out? Are you treating him as a tragic prince, someone you think you can save? Are you sure you're in love, Kuran Yuki? Or is it just the idea of love you're in love with? Are you sure it's Kiryuu Zero that you want, or the idea of being in a fairytale tragic romance that appeals to you?

You little bitch, Kuran Yuki. How could you?
I ran out the door. I'm going back to Kaname, where things are so easy. I'm going back to Kaname, and have him make all the decisions for me. I'm going back to Kaname, where my only job was to look pretty and wait for him at home. I ran out into the rain, and there he was.

Zero.
You were standing in the rain, completely soaked. All my earlier thoughts of going home to Kaname completely vanished, thanks to Zero. Baby, why didn't you leave when you could? If you did, I would've left as well, with no doubts or wariness. I saw you, standing in the rain, and you cast that spell over me again.
Are you thinking the same things as me? Are we both wanting to leave, but too selfish to do so? Are we both so starved that we cannot give up this terrible love? Are we both so desperate, that we're willing to gamble everything away? Will you take this chance and live the way you want to rather than the way you should?
If I say yes, will you say yes as well?

I was so consumed in my thoughts that I didn't hear you until you were right behind me. I didn't dare turn around to face you; I didn't want you to see this look in my eyes that I can't hide. I don't want you to see the face of the animal that almost devoured you. I don't want you to look at me with those eyes that will stop me from leaving, even if you don't say a word.

I've become yours, completely, in every sense of the word.
I'm yours.

"Zero…"
I waited for your next words. What will they be? Don't leave? Don't go? Come back in, you'll catch a cold? But you didn't say anything else. And I turned to look at you, even though I knew I shouldn't fall into that trap that is your beautiful eyes again.

There were tears, streaming down your face. Even in the rain, I could tell, they were tears. I hope that you can't tell, the tears running down my cheeks from the rain drops. "Yuki…" Go back in, I wanted to tell you. Don't come after me. Don't be a fool. Instead, both of us just stared at each other, waiting for someone to decide the next move. Waiting for God to decide if he should open up a crack in the Earth between us, separating us forever, or not.

I raised my arms, I want to wipe those tears away. I wanted to yell at you for being a fool, but the only word I could say was your name, "Yuki…" You looked at my hand, knowing this dilemma in my head. And you said the words I had been hoping you'd say, "Don't go."

That was all I needed, your green light. Because this selfish bastard in me is grabbing on and never letting go now. You were warned, Yuki. You were told of the consequences, you were kept away. You didn't listen. I'm sorry, it's too late to take your words back now. I won't go, I'll stay here, and I'll leach off that love you so willingly gave and I so stubbornly rejected.

I grabbed you close to me, letting one arm tighten around your waist and the other holding your face to mine.
I looked into your eyes, for any sign telling me to stop. I found none.
Our lips were touching, but I didn't kiss you.
But I still needed that last bit of reassurance, that last roadblock.
It didn't matter, you pulled me in anyway.

You were waiting, waiting for me to push you away. But I didn't.
You were waiting, waiting for permission to proceed.
I've been waiting for this for so damn long, what the hell are you waiting for baby?

I could feel your lips on mine, but neither of us wanting to proceed, both waiting for permission.
Oh god, I'm sick of these stupid games we play. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know what will happen in an hour. But I don't care. I know we're here. I know we're together. I know that our love will be a tragedy, an insanity. But baby, you're my remedy, my clarity. And you're right here with me.

And in the rain, like some fairytale cliché, we kissed for the first time.

Urgently, as if someone will come to tear us apart at any time.
Fervently, as if we've both been waiting for this our whole lives.
Lovingly, as if we've both been waiting for each other our whole lives.