Red woke up early, as she always did, and smiled when she noticed Nicky's warm figure curled up next to her. "Merry Christmas, sweet girl," Red whispered, stroking Nicky's cheek, "when did you get here?" Nicky's lashes fluttered and she peered up at Red for a moment, before she closed her eyes again, nuzzling in even closer than she had been before. Her fist clenched the fabric of Red's blue silk pajama top, as she enjoyed the feel of it against her cheek when she burrowed her face against the side of Red's breast. Red chuckled as she leaned down to kiss her daughter's golden hair.
"I guess I'm not getting out of this bed anytime soon, am I?" Red asked. Nicky shook her head no stubbornly, with her eyes still firmly closed. Smiling affectionately, Red reached for her glasses and the book that she had laid on the nightstand the night before. She had planned to get an early start on the pies she was bringing for dinner, but clearly they would have to wait. Although, to be honest, Red had no desire to move right now either. There was a lightness and a relief in her heart that could only come from holding your child near and knowing with certainty that they were okay. Red didn't have to sit and wonder where Nicky was, whether she was lonely, sad, and missing her. Nicky was here with her now and Red never wanted to let her go.
"That's okay, honey," Red murmured, as she put on her glasses and propped the book on her abdomen to read, "I'll stay here." Red wrapped her left hand around Nicky and pulled the girl even tighter against her. Nicky smiled and draped her left leg over Red's, snuggling in so closely that one couldn't even slide a piece of paper between them. Using her mother's breast as a pillow, Nicky seemed content to know that Red had no intention of leaving her. Red watched tenderly as Nicky's breathing deepened and her lashes stopped flickering. She ran her fingertips up and down the curve of Nicky's side, letting out a contented breath of her own when her daughter fell back into a peaceful slumber. Infatuated by Nicky's beauty while she slept, Red's book lay open across her middle, quite forgotten.
Feigning sleep, Nicky had tried not to think about how much she missed being held this way. She had been Red's strong girl for an entire year and it had taken everything she had to be that. She fought back tears and never begged Red to stay at the end of visitation because it would do her no good anyway, and she didn't want Red to waste a moment of freedom being worn down by a guilt that she didn't deserve. Nicky had encouraged Red as she watched her navigate the real world from the sidelines. She had become a pillar of support and logic when Red struggled to find her place as a mother and grandmother. Nicky had done her best to be as selfless as she could be, accepting that the freedom they all coveted would also mean less time together and more people to consider. She was struggling to find the words to express how she was feeling right now. Nicky liked being trusted and valued enough to support her mother, but she had missed being the recipient of this kind of care. She needed this time.
"You're just pretending to be asleep, aren't you, little girl?" Red's voice growled as she tapped Nicky on the nose. Nicky giggled like a child and hid her face against Red's chest. "You just don't want to wake up this morning, hmm?" Red asked her and Nicky shook her head no.
"Silly girl," Red chided, using her right had to maneuver herself with some difficulty into a sitting position, her back against the backboard. Nicky grumbled in discontent at being shifted and quickly draped her torso across Red's lap, refusing to let her mother get any further away. Red ran her hand through Nicky's hair and down her spine. "Is that my shirt?" she asked, pinching the red checkered flannel that she had just noticed Nicky was wearing.
"Yeah," Nicky said defiantly, tilting her head to grin adorably up at her mother, "I don't have any clothes of my own." She had gone through Red's closet in the middle of the night when she finally decided it was about time she changed out of the ill-fitting garments the prison had given her. Secretly, Nicky had been quite disappointed that Red hadn't insisted she change before that point. Nicky had been lounging around in the prison clothes all day.
"Yes, you do," Red reminded her, reaching out to grip Nicky's chin, "All of your clothes are in your closet, remember? Marka had them brought over last month." She gave Nicky a piercing stare.
"Too much work," Nicky said lazily, pulling her chin away from Red's hand and resting her cheek back against the softness of her mother's chest.
"Do you want me to go through them with you?" asked Red, "hmm?" she tangled her fingers inside Nicky's hair, admiring the contrast of her red polished fingernails against the golden locks. Nicky nodded with her face still pressed against Red's chest, pouting out her bottom lip in a drive to look younger than she was.
"I spoil you," Red smiled, understanding what it was that Nicky seemed to be needing and asking for. She wrapped her arms around Nicky and swayed them side to side, as Nicky curled her legs up as though she were a baby. "Alright, baby," Red said teasingly, kissing Nicky's forehead, "I'll go through your clothes and pick you out something adorable to wear today." She smoothed the curls off of Nicky's face, "I would have done it before but I didn't want you to feel like I was invading your privacy."
"What privacy?" Nicky joked, her lips twisting in a peculiar smile as a flush creeped across her nose, "you know everything there is to know about me. I have no secrets from you."
"And I want it to stay that way," Red said warningly, digging her nails into Nicky's creamy pale skin. Nicky nodded and Red kissed her forehead rewardingly, just grateful to have her little girl back under the same roof as her.
Red tried to edge out of the bed but Nicky refused to budge. Giggling at her own stubbornness, Nicky leaned more of her weight on top of Red so that she was pinned in place, unable to escape. "Nicky," Red protested, "we have to get moving. It's getting late."
"I don't care," Nicky pouted, "I don't want you to leave yet."
"I'm not leaving you," Red insisted with a sigh, "I'm literally going to go make myself a cup of coffee, check on Julio, and then go find something for you to wear." Nicky's face clouded over at the mention of the apartment's other occupant, a detail that did not go unnoticed by her mother.
"Come on," Red chided Nicky playfully, "don't be grumpy. We have a big day ahead of us. And we still need to bake those pies before we leave for dinner at Vasily's."
"Get Julio to help you," Nicky said, sticking out her bottom lip forlornly. She sat up and scooted over to the other side of the bed, drawing her knees up to her chest.
Red squeezed Nicky's kneecap gently, "you're not getting out of it that easily, my darling," she murmured, "you're still my good girl, right?" Nicky shook her head reproachfully but the small smile on her lips betrayed her. Red knew that Nicky had ticklish knees.
Red slid out of the bed and pulled on a white sweater over her silk pajamas, never once taking her eyes off of Nicky. She walked around the bed towards the door and turned back to look at Nicky who was resting her chin on her bended knees and pouting. "How about you get a little bit more sleep and I'll bring you your breakfast in bed?" Red asked cheerily. Nicky's face scrunched into a frown, offended that Red thought her forgiveness could be bought so easily with bacon and eggs. Clicking her tongue, Red walked out of her bedroom deciding to give Nicky some time to herself.
She padded down the hall barefooted to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. Nicky was always grumpy in the morning so her behaviour was not completely unexpected, although Red knew that she needed to accept the blame for some of it. Nobody knew better than Red how difficult it was to adjust to being released from prison and immediately thrust into a huge, but loving family. Nicky couldn't ask for a more supportive environment, but Nicky also really desired their alone time and Red knew she wasn't providing it in the capacity that Nicky desired. She glanced over at Julio who was watching television and munching on some toast and jam, while the dog sat greedily at his feet. Smiling wistfully, Red leaned against the counter with her arms crossed. "Well this explains why the dog hasn't learned to stop begging, even though he never gets a scrap off of my plate," Red stated, when she saw Julio feed Duke the crust of his toast directly off the plate.
Julio looked over at Red and smiled sheepishly, "I didn't know you were there."
"Clearly," Red rolled her eyes, turning her back to pour herself a cup of coffee. How typical of young boys to believe rules only needed to be followed when the mother was watching. Red's sons had been the same, always eating junk food on the couch when she wasn't in the room and thinking themselves too clever to be caught, despite all the crumbs they left behind.
"He likes peanut butter," Julio insisted, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and bringing his empty plate and glass to the sink. Duke following at his heel with a huge doggy smile and a wagging tail.
Red took a long sip of her coffee. "So, what are your plans for today?" she asked him. She patted her thigh to motion for her dog to come over and scratched him affectionately behind the ears.
Julio shrugged, pressing his back against the sink with his elbows perched up, "I guess I'll go home soon," he said, "it is Christmas Eve after all." He didn't sound overly enthused at the prospect, perhaps aware that Benny's mood would still be dominating over the apartment, like a black cloud blocking the sun.
"You don't have to," Red told him, taking another sip of her coffee before continuing, "Nicky and I are going to Vasily's this afternoon if I can ever get those pies into the oven. You should come with us." She had planned to extend the invitation to him a week ago but had been so caught up in her preparations for Nicky that she had forgotten. Now she was afraid that her sincere wish to have him there would be taken as a gesture of sympathy.
"I can't," Julio said unsurprisingly, "we always go to church on Christmas Eve and they'd be upset if I missed it."
"Alright," Red said simply, "before you go though, I am going to make some scrambled eggs and some bacon. You're not going to convince me that a single piece of toast, that you shared with a dog nonetheless, is enough to eat." She gave him a stern look of reproach, but Julio could tell she wasn't really mad. Laying down her cup of coffee, Red pulled out the mixing bowl and frying pans she would need.
"Okay," Julio relented, sitting himself at the table while Red opened the fridge to get the eggs and bacon. He pulled out his phone and began to browse through it.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Julio said, after a few minutes, "Vasily phoned this morning when you were still sleeping. I answered the phone though because I didn't want the ringing to wake you and Nicky up."
"What did he want?" asked Red unconcernedly, pouring the eggs into the pan. She already had the bacon sizzling on the back burner.
"He just said that you needed to call him back as soon as you woke up," Julio replied, "I just remembered now though. Sorry."
"That's alright," Red said, beginning to poke at the eggs in the pan that she apparently was incapable of leaving alone, "I'm sure it's nothing important." She poked at the food she was cooking for a few more deliberate minutes before she seemed satisfied. Reaching for two plates, Red dished some of the food onto them before covering the pans with lids to keep the warmth in.
"This looks really good," Julio said complimentary.
"Thanks," said Red warmly, who always appreciated compliments about her cooking. Julio wondered where Nicky was but decided not to broach the subject. He was trying to imagine how things would be in six months when his mother was in Nicky's situation.
"Have you spoken to your mother recently?" asked Red, as though she could read his mind.
"Yeah," answered Julio, "yesterday, before I came over."
Red wiped her lips on a napkin, "I guess I better call Vasily and see what he wants," she stood up from the table, leaving her plate only half finished, and retrieved her phone from the stand it had been charging on. She pressed the phone to her ear and walked over to the kitchen sink to wash her hands.
"Hey, mama," said Vasily, sounding rueful, "Merry Christmas!" Red shook her washed hands before drying them on her tea towel.
"Merry Christmas, honey," Red replied, as she took out the dough for the pie crust that she had prepared yesterday morning.
"How's Nicky doing?" asked Vasily, trying to sound upbeat.
"She's okay," answered Red, taking out her wax paper and rolling pin. "She's still asleep, poor thing hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a week, I think." Growing impatient with having to hold her phone in place between her ear and her shoulder, Red turned it onto speakerphone and propped it near the microwave. "So, Julio said you wanted me to call you…" Red prompted distractedly, taking a handful of dough and beginning to flatten it with her rolling pin.
"Uh, yeah," said Vasily, hiccupping nervously, "uh…so I know Klara said that she wasn't going to come for Christmas Eve, but she changed her mind and will be over this afternoon," His voice intoned uncertainly, as he braced himself for his mother's explosion. At his spot at the table, Julio gulped down the food in his mouth and stared determinedly at his phone, thanking God that he wasn't Vasily.
"Are you asking or telling me?" Red demanded, pausing in her work, laying her hands flat against the dough.
"What would make you less mad?" Vasily asked in a voice about two octaves higher than usual, attempting to make light of the situation. It had been nearly a year since the spontaneous introduction on Maxim's front porch between Red and Dmitri's girlfriend Klara, and since then Red had cleverly managed to avoid any encounters with the woman she preferred to pretend did not exist. She could hold a grudge like nobody else.
"I thought she was coming over on Christmas when I was going to be gone," Red said stiffly, banging her hand with unnecessary force into the dough she was flattening.
"That was her decision," said Vasily, "although we never requested her to do so. It's Christmas, Mama. We're not going to insist she spend the day alone away from her family."
"But you're going to force me away from my family on the first Christmas I'm home?" Red asked tightly, attempting to disguise the lump in her throat. She put the dough into the first pie plate, and immediately grabbed another ball of dough to start on the second. Her hands worked in efficient precision, Red barely needing to think about what she was doing. Her hands flowed like a painter holding a brush. The intensity of the conversation she was having seeming to push her ahead rather than distract from the quality of her food.
"What you're not going to come now?" Vasily asked incredulously.
"Maybe I won't," Red said stiffly, "because none of you seem to care that she disrespected your mother and your parents' marriage."
"You divorced Pops before you even knew about her," Vasily pointed out, beginning to find his voice. He sympathized with his mother and he loved her to death, but he couldn't let her get away with acting like an innocent victim of his father's infidelity without saying something in his defence. "You told me yourself that the marriage was emotionally over before it even began."
"That doesn't matter," Red said tightly, "we were still married and she was living under my roof with my children before I was even gone a year. How are you okay with that?" She draped the second pie plate with dough and started on her third. Five pies was her plan.
"I'm not okay with that," Vasily said, "it was a terrible thing to do but it doesn't make her a terrible person. I mean you committed crimes and went to prison, Ma, but that doesn't make you a bad person. I don't think you're exactly in a position to throw stones."
Red bit the inside of her cheek and continued to work on the dough for her pie shells. She didn't even notice Nicky walk into the room and lean against the counter next to her. Julio ate his last bite of breakfast and shrugged at Nicky's questioning stare before he retreated back to the couch. "Mama, please be nice?" Vasily pleaded, "you might even wind up friends if you give her a chance."
"Ha!" Red scoffed haughtily.
"Okay, maybe not friends," Vasily said hurriedly, "maybe that was a dumb thing to say."
"You think?" Red asked sarcastically.
"Sorry," Vasily said tiredly, "just be here for two like we planned. Mamochka, please?"
"Fine," Red relented.
"Everything is going to be fine," Vasily tried to sound reassuring.
"I need to go check on your sister now," Red said shortly, hitting the end call button before Vasily could say any more. She looked up and her eyes met Nicky's, who was leaning against the counter with her arms crossed, still dressed only in the red shirt that she had borrowed from her, although it was long enough that it reached her mid-thigh.
"What did he do?" Nicky asked curiously, "I only got here towards the end."
"I thought you were still sleeping," Red said, "I was just about to bring you your breakfast."
"I would have died from starvation waiting for you to come back," Nicky replied, "and don't act like you don't want to talk about it. People who want to have private phone conversations generally don't switch their phones onto speaker and start shouting when there are two other people in the apartment."
"I was trying to multitask," Red said defensively, as she took a plate over to the stove and began to load it up with food for Nicky.
"Uh huh," said Nicky with widened eyes. She took the plate that Red handed her and then went to the utensil drawer to get a fork. Nicky decided that she'd rather eat breakfast on the couch in front of the television, rather than at the table. She knew that Red wouldn't stop her, although she'd probably complain about the invisible mess Nicky made later. She walked over and sat on the end of the couch opposite Julio, who was tuning into an episode of The Simpsons, leaving Red to mutter to herself as she added the fillings to her pies and prepared them for the oven. Whatever had just transpired with Vasily had evidently caused Red to forget that they were supposed to be baking the Christmas pies together. Nicky didn't care too much though, they would taste better if Red did it herself, and she'd rather lounge about for the morning anyways. It was going to be a big day.
Nicky and Julio both kept their eyes glued to the screen while Red bustled around the kitchen slamming cupboard doors, shoving her pies into the oven as though she were angry with them, and tossing dishes into the sink with a clang. If she was trying to act like everything was fine she was certainly doing a terrible job of it.
Nicky jumped in surprise when she felt Red's hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to go take a shower," Red said, "you two keep an eye on the oven for me. They should be good for half an hour, but keep checking them, don't let them burn." Once Julio and Nicky had both given Red their word to watch over her beloved pies, Red left the room.
Nicky waited until she heard the water running before she turned to Julio and shoved him on the shoulder to get his attention. "What?" asked Julio.
"You were in here the whole time," Nicky whispered, "what did Vasily tell her to put her in such a mood?"
"He told her that his stepmother was coming for Christmas too," Julio whispered back, glancing anxiously over his shoulder, as though afraid Red would hear him talking about her.
"Oh, shit," Nicky said dryly, "well that would do it. She's actually handling this better then I would expect in that case."
"I don't see why it is such a big deal," Julio said, "if she wants to be with my mom, why does she care if her husband wanted to be with somebody else as well?"
"It's not really about her husband," Nicky explained, "some of it might be, I know she's pissed that he lied to her. The hardest part is having to share her kids with this other woman. She was locked up for so much of her sons' lives and now she knows that they found a replacement mother. It makes her feel insecure."
"Oh," said Julio softly.
"Yep," sighed Nicky, "so it's our job to make sure that no matter what happens at Christmas dinner today, that Red knows she's loved and has a good time. Holidays are really important to her. She wants everything to be special."
"I'm not going to dinner," Julio replied, "I was going to go home right after I finished breakfast but then she called Vasily and I didn't want to walk out in the middle of all of that."
"Well, why can't you come?" asked Nicky, "I know she wants you to."
"I don't know," Julio shrugged, "I don't want to be in the way and I should probably go home and check on Benny anyway."
"Tell him to come with," Nicky joked, "that will surely distract her from this imaginary rivalry she's got going."
"There's not a chance in hell of him agreeing to that," Julio informed her.
"I get where he's coming from," Nicky said meaningfully, "I hated every single person my mom every dated. Some of them I had a good enough reason to hate, but others I just hated for existing."
"He hates her for existing," Julio said, nodding with his head towards Red's bedroom.
"That might pass," said Nicky, "on the other hand it might not. For everyone's sake, but especially his own, I hope he gets it together. I never really had much of a family, and I think this one is shaping up to be a pretty good one. Hopefully, Benny isn't self destructive enough to miss out on it."
"It's still pretty weird to me," Julio admitted, "and I think it's going to be really awkward once mom is out here and I actually have to see them together. Not just, sitting across from one another at a table."
"It is the gay thing?" asked Nicky, "or just the seeing your mom be romantic with anyone thing?"
"Gay," Julio whispered, looking completely ashamed of himself, as though worried that Nicky was going to call him out as some sort of homophobic bigot. Of course, Nicky did no such thing.
"Don't feel so bad," Nicky exclaimed in reassurance, "you're allowed to feel that way. It is a lot to handle, and personally, you're handling it a lot better than most people in your situation would."
"Really?" asked Julio.
"Yeah," Nicky reaffirmed, "and believe me, both your mom and Red struggled with that fact about themselves more then I could ever describe."
"Mom seems pretty comfortable about it to me," Julio stated.
"They are now, for the most part," Nicky conceded, "but I think your mom also tends to put on a strong and brave front so people won't worry about her. I felt pretty bad getting out of prison and having to leave her behind. She acted like she didn't care, but I could tell she was sad. She's going to be so happy to have all of us visit on Christmas tomorrow, especially you and Benny."
"Benny said he isn't coming," Julio said shortly, looking pained at how much he knew that revelation would hurt his mother.
"Fuck," Nicky whistled, "why not?"
"He's just mad," Julio said simply, "it's not for any single reason. It's just everything."
"I think I'm going to have to hang out with Benny someday because he pretty much reminds me exactly of how I was at about the same age," said Nicky.
"Well, Lourdes did say yesterday that if he keeps going the way he is he'll wind up in prison, just like mom," said Julio sadly.
"Is he getting into trouble with the law now too?" asked Nicky, "I thought he was doing alright, just being a jerk around the house."
"He got suspended from school again for ditching class," said Julio, "he's flunking most of his classes and the school already said that he's going to have to go to summer school or repeat the year."
"Hey," Nicky said positively, "at least he won't get out of attending summer school. I already have an image of Gloria kicking his ass all the way to the school every morning."
Julio chuckled, "probably," he agreed, "she's pretty strict."
"It's better than a mom who doesn't give a fuck," Nicky said knowingly, "that's what I grew up with." She sighed, "I know things suck right now, but I think things will change once your mom gets home."
"I hope so," Julio said softly.
"And in the meantime," Nicky said, "will you please come to Vasily's with us? I really don't want to have to deal with Red and the girlfriend all by myself."
"I'm supposed to go the church with my aunt," said Julio regretfully, "she'll be upset if I won't."
"Call her and tell her to come pick you up there when it's time," said Nicky logically, "isn't church not until nighttime anyways on Christmas Eve?"
"Alright, I'll come," Julio agreed with a smile.
"Have you even checked this oven once?" Red asked anxiously, hurrying back into the kitchen.
"It hasn't been a half an hour," Nicky replied, looking over at her.
"And my mom always says you're not supposed to keep opening the over door because it lets all of the hot air out," Julio added, watching Red leaning into the oven to examine the pies.
"Nonsense," Red scoffed, "you need to check on your food." She straightened back up and shut the door.
"They aren't ready yet, are they?" asked Nicky in amusement.
"Five more minutes," Red admitted.
"So, you didn't have to yell at me for not doing what you said," Nicky told her, "and anyways, I was busy getting Julio to agree to come to Christmas dinner with us."
"Oh, good," Red said warmly, smiling at Julio, "you are going to come?"
"So long as my aunt says that it's okay," Julio answered.
Red walked back over to the couch and placed her hands on both of Nicky's shoulders. Nicky tilted her head up, "you look nice," she said lovingly. Red's hair was still damp from the shower and she hadn't applied her makeup yet, but she was wearing a green blouse with black dress pants.
"Once I'm finished in the kitchen we'll go through your things and find you some clothes to wear," Red said.
"Why can't I just wear this?" asked Nicky motioning to the red flannel shirt of Red's that she was currently wearing, "it's Christmasy colours."
"You need pants, Nicky," Red answered, squeezing her shoulders a final time before turning to walk back to the stove to take the pies out.
"I should go home and change," said Julio, "and talk to my Tia."
"Alright," said Red, "do you want to come back here and we can all drive to Vasily's together?"
"I can come back," said Julio, "can I take Duke for the walk?"
"Of course, you can," said Red warmly, "I think he likes you more than me now anyways."
"I think he likes us the same," Julio replied. He slipped on his coat and boots and then attached the dog's leash to his collar. "See you soon," he called to Red and Nicky.
"Are you feeling better about the whole girlfriend thing now, mom?" asked Nicky bluntly. She walked into the kitchen and leaned her head down on Red's shoulder.
Red shrugged, "I don't have much choice, do I?" she answered stiffly.
"I really don't think it's going to be a big deal," said Nicky, "there are so many people in this family you probably won't even notice her. And you don't have to say anything to her besides hi and bye. Just be polite."
"I am polite," Red stated strongly.
"Yeah, okay," Nicky rolled her eyes, deciding not to go there today, "will you help me find clothes now?"
"Yes," Red agreed. She reached out to take Nicky's hand, and the two walked into the bedroom she had prepared so lovingly for her little girl's homecoming. She had had a fair bit of help from Vasily and his two brothers in painting it and putting the furniture together. Red and her sons all coming together to prepare for the little sister they had been gifted.
"Look at this shit," Nicky groaned, when she opened the sliding closet door to reveal the stack of boxes inside. She pulled out one and put it at Red's feet, and then grabbed a second for herself. "Probably all junk," she grumbled.
"Well, you'll need these clothes until you have time to go shopping," Red replied, opening up the box that contained neatly folded pants. She opened the third drawer of Nicky's dresser and began depositing the pants into it. "This won't take us long," Red said, "everything is so organized."
"You can thank the hired help for that," Nicky said, groaning loudly as she plopped down on the floor next to her box. "This feels way too much like work," she complained, "I just got out of prison, I should be allowed to take it easy for a bit."
"You are," Red pointed out, "you're sitting on the floor while your mother puts your clothes away for you."
"I'm going to help," Nicky retorted. She sighed as if it was the most gruesome task imaginable, as she lifted the plastic lid off of the container in front of her. She smiled slightly as she peered into it. "Wow."
"What?" asked Red, sounding distracted, she had just found a pair of red corduroy pants at the bottom of the box and had laid them on the bed for Nicky to wear today.
"I can't believe I still have this," Nicky remarked, "or that she actually kept it."
"Hmm?" Red glanced over, and Nicky pulled a well-worn bear out of the box and held it up for her to see. It was a brown bear, with stuffing seeping out of a tear in the side, and fur that was severely faded and matted from washing. It had clearly been a well loved teddy bear.
Red smiled, "was that your favourite toy?" she asked fondly.
Without thinking, Nicky squeezed the bear against her, "my dad brought him home from one of his business trips."
"Very nice," Red smiled, ruffling Nicky's hair as she passed her to retrieve another box from the closet. "What else is in there? I like this, getting to find out even more about my little girl before I knew her."
"I don't think a whole lot of sentimental tear-jerker mementos," Nicky replied, tossing the bear onto her pillow and then standing up to carry the box over to the foot of the bookshelf, where she began to organize the books that her bear had been packed with. "Marka wasn't the type to save her kid's artwork or book reports," Nicky added as she stood up and kicked the empty box on the floor out of her way.
"Oh, Malyshka," Red murmured, as she watched Nicky walk over to the closet. Red dropped the shirt she was currently holding and pulled Nicky into her arms.
Nicky hugged her back and emitted a small laugh. "I'm not upset about it," she insisted, "that was a long time ago. And who really gives a shit about a kid's crappy drawings anyway?"
"I would have," Red replied firmly. She pulled back and held Nicky's face with both of her hands. "Things are better now, honey," she said, nodding her head meaningfully, "you are so loved." Red released Nicky's face and wrapped her arms around her again, pulling her daughter into another hug.
Nicky had been correct that there wasn't much else noteworthy amongst her belongings. Most of the boxes had contained her clothes, shoes, and a silver locket that was the only jewellery that Nicky still owned because it was monetarily worthless. It had been a gift from her grandmother. All of her valuables had been pawned for drug money. Her stereo and cd collection were distant memories, as were her designer handbags and television. Looking through all of this stuff, the few things that she hadn't managed to trade for heroin, reminded Nicky of how damaged and broken her life had been back then. She never wanted to be that person again and, with Red's support, Nicky knew she never would be.
"Who'd have thought from the contents of these boxes that I grew up privileged," Nicky joked lamely, sitting down on the bed beside the old bear.
"You have everything that you need," Red reminded her, "and whatever else you need we can buy after Christmas." She finished emptying the final box and then walked over to join Nicky on the bed.
"I have more than I ever did before," Nicky said, laying down so that her head was in Red's lap.
"My little girl," Red sighed, "it makes me so sad to think that you needed me then and I didn't know, that I wasn't there. Everything is alright now. You have me again and I will never leave you. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you and you can tell me anything."
Nicky purred contently when Red began to stroke her hair, wishing that they could stay here forever, holed up in the little apartment by themselves. In Red's arms she was loved, safe, and warm. "You know," Nicky said, encouraged to speak by Red's words, "it's not that Marka chose to throw out or not send over my things. This is all that is left."
"I know," Red said matter-of-factly, her hands continuing to stroke the golden locks, despite Nicky's blatant confession.
"It's all that's left because I hocked everything else to buy drugs," Nicky reiterated, wanting Red to comprehend how truly despicable she had been before prison, before Red had helped her through detox. It was Nicky's self-destructive impulses that made her need Red to know this. She was offering the woman a final chance to walk away. Desperate to support her addiction, Nicky had stripped her own apartment, stolen jewels from Marka out of the family safe, and used any cash handed to her to score heroin. When rehab failed her, Marka had been at a loss of what to do. Cutting Nicky off would only mean she would steal elsewhere and end up getting the law involved, which eventually happened anyways.
"Marka told me," Red said calmly.
"You talked to her?" asked Nicky, her fingertips pressing down against Red's soft thighs. She didn't know how she felt about that.
"I told you she contacted me a few weeks ago," Red said quietly, "and I'll admit we spoke quite amicably. She said you can call her if you need anything but said she'd leave that up to you."
"I don't want to talk to her," Nicky said immediately, not needing any time to think about it.
"I figured," Red replied. She reached for Nicky's hand and brought to her lips to kiss. "I don't think poorly of you for any mistakes you made in the past, honey. Just like you love me despite my own past. It's time to move on. You were sick then. I know you sometimes still crave and struggle with it, you will forever, but I'm here, darling. I'll protect you from that. You just need to be honest with me always, like you are right now. I can't fix what I don't know."
"Okay, mommy," Nicky said sweetly, kissing Red's thigh, "I love you."
"I love you so much, sweet girl," Red replied. She ran her hand down Nicky's back and playfully slapped her bottom through the fabric of the long shirt she was wearing. "Enough dawdling, let's get you dressed," Red said, "Julio will be back at any minute and we need to leave."
Nicky reluctantly sat up from her comfortable position and glanced over at the clothes Red had placed on the bed for her. "So, I guess we're all theme dressing today?" she asked in amusement, pointing at the red pants laid out for her. Red herself was wearing green. "Do we getting matching Santa hats to wear to dinner too?"
"It's not that over the top," Red insisted, "but you should wear Christmas colours." Nicky raised her arms into the air and allowed Red to pull the shirt she was wearing up over her head. She shivered as the air hit her pale skin and quickly put on the panties and bra that Red handed her. Nicky stood up and slipped on the red corduroy pants.
"When my boys were little I used to always dress them up in matching outfits on Christmas," Red reminisced, "little Santa Clause suits or elf costumes." She smiled at the memory, "I'd take a picture of them and mail it to my Mama and Papa in Russia. Mamochka would keep the photo in her wallet and show it to everybody she knew."
Red picked up the black cable knit sweater and helped Nicky put it on. "See, a little black," Red teased, "not too much Christmas."
"Yeah," Nicky agreed, "at least it's not a Santa or elf suit, now that I know what you're capable of." She jumped off of the bed and kissed her mother's cheek on her way to the door. "Let's get this show on the road."