Staring out the car window, Nicky smiled. She had always thought that the city was most beautiful at Christmastime. The twinkling lights and decorations had never ceased to make her happy. Though she had never enjoyed the day of Christmas itself, she had always found a great deal of amusement in watching people rush through the streets, buying presents to appease their spoiled family members in a holiday that was far too commercial.
As a little girl, Christmas had always been a lavish affair, her parents hosting big parties, desperately wining and dining their inner circle. The living room would be littered in gifts, toys and clothes that she really didn't need, and though she was grateful for everything she received, the thing she wanted most - her parents love - was something she usually went with out.
As Nicky grew up she had managed to find her own peace with the Holiday. As a teenager, she would slip away from her house, and lose herself in walking the near-empty streets of Manhattan. With everyone tucked away in their homes, basking in the day they had spent months preparing for, Nicky enjoy her solitude, the bright Christmas lights illuminating her path as she wandered around aimlessly.
"Now you're sure you packed up all of them?" Red's voice cut into Nicky's train of thought, and the young woman shook her head in confusion.
Before leaving the apartment, Red had given Nicky and Julio strict instructions on how they were to pack the car. They had carried down food and an endless number of gifts, but after the third trip, Nicky had begun to silently question her mother's sanity. She knew the woman did not have a lot of money, and wondered just how she had managed to afford so many things.
"For the millionth time, yes!" Nicky replied dramatically. She could hear Red grumbling under her breath, and she turned back to look out the window, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "We grabbed all the ones from the stack you said to take. If one was forgotten I guess that person can just assume that you didn't care enough to buy them a present."
"Nicky!" Red scolded, her head snapping to face her daughter. She could hear Julio erupt into a fit of laughter in the back seat and she looked up to glare at him through the rear-view mirror.
Nicky looked over her shoulder at him and winked. The enjoyment she got out of riling her mother up made her question how she had survived a year without her. As the Christmas carols blared from the radio speaker, Nicky chuckled softly under her breath. She could feel the spirit of the holiday attempting to burst out of her the longer she spent in the company of Red's enthusiasm.
In prison, Red had shown Nicky that Christmas could mean something, despite the lack of beauty or luxuries of the past. Without all of the distraction of materialism, their shared Christmases together had been simple and the best Nicky ever had. It made her anxious in experiencing her first real Christmas with the Reznikov family, but she knew Red was certainly doing everything she could to make it perfect.
Nicky's fingers pinched at the fabric of her pants as Red pulled the car up in front of the house that she presumed to be Vasily's. "Is this it?" Nicky asked, staring up at the little blue two- story house with the white painted porch. The house was something out of a dream. Christmas lights and garland was adorned around all of the windows, door, and the porch. A green wreath hung on the front door, decorated with gold and silver ornaments and a big red bow.
"This is Vasily and Lida's house," Red confirmed, unbuckling her seatbelt and staring inquisitively at Nicky. She reached over to brush a lock of hair wild hair behind her ear, and held onto it a tad longer than was really necessary. "Are you ready to go in?" she asked.
Nicky nodded. She reached up and touched the hand that was still holding her hair with light fingertips, nudging it away. She wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs and took deep steadying breaths to calm herself. She was nervous, and it would be so easy to lean on Red right now and allow her to coddle her through the experience, but it wasn't what she wanted to do.
It was important to Nicky to make it clear to everyone in that house that she was in their midst as a member of their family, and not just as Red's baby. She knew that Red had prepared her sons for her arrival, but she had to wonder if Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily had ever truly thought she would be here now, living with their mom, and celebrating Christmas with them today.
Perhaps they had thought her to simply be a prison daughter of whom their mother had gotten overly attached, but one that Red would probably leave behind once she was released and permitted to rejoin her actual family. She wondered if it had surprised them that Red kept up her dutiful weekly visits and that they had spoken on the phone daily in the year leading up to her own release. Nicky knew they accepted her, but whether they really wanted her there was another matter entirely.
She licked her lips and put a confident smile on her face. Unbuckling her seatbelt, she opened her door and stepped onto the side of the road, looking up at the house unblinkingly. The family Red had promised her was there inside, and Nicky wanted her appearance at this first holiday to inform everyone that she wasn't just there because Red wanted her - she was there because she was meant to be. She belonged as much as any of the children that Red had birthed. This was her family too.
Red watched her intensely. This was the moment she had been waiting for since she had laid eyes on Nicky in that prison bathroom all those years ago. She felt almost giddy with excitement that she at last would have all of her children together, under the same roof, as the family they always should have been. Whether she'd fit in was not in question, Nicky had already forged relationships with her three sons and Red had nurtured them to consider her a non-negotiable sibling, just as significant as any of them.
It almost felt like bringing home a new baby. With slight modifications to account for her sons now being grown men, Red had prepared them for Nicky using similar methods that she had employed for the first time when preparing her oldest son, Yuri, for his upcoming role as a big brother.
Red had always been honest with them about the love she had for her daughter, and she had done her best to assure them that it had no impact on the love she had for them. It seemed to have worked, they were all looking forward to officially welcoming Nicky into the family. It just annoyed Red, when she noticed her son's attempting to use the same lines on herself in their desperate bid for her to accept Dmitri's girlfriend. Although Red had to begrudgingly admit that her sons had succeeded in getting her and Klara under the same roof today, something she had sworn would never happen. Fortunately, Nicky proved a worthy distraction to keep Red from lingering too long on that subject.
"Galina, will you pop open the trunk so we can get the stuff out?" Julio called. Red took her eyes off of Nicky and leaned down to push the button on the floor that would open the trunk of the car. Julio lifted out a stack of packages covered in Christmas wrapping. The boxes he was holding were stacked higher than his head.
Red stepped out of the car and let out a small laugh at the sight of him. "Can you see where you're going?" she teased good naturedly, reaching up and taking two of the boxes so that Julio's sight was unobscured.
"I didn't want to make two trips," Julio explained with a smile.
"I've got the rest," Nicky announced, motioning to the box in her arms that held the pies Red had baked that morning.
"Good," said Red. She walked over and slammed the trunk lid down hard. "Let's get inside and see what sort of interference that woman has imposed on the place."
"Be nice," Nicky said warningly, as the three of them began making their way up the path to Vasily's house.
"I am nice," Red retorted testily.
"Vasily wanting her here isn't that much different than you having Nicky and I here," Julio said wisely, his arms wrapped around the stack of parcels he was carrying. He was the first to reach the front door and he turned around to face Red and added confidently, "next Christmas my mom is going to be here too, right? You shouldn't be upset with them for treating their Dad's partner with the same respect you'll want them to give her."
"Be grateful that her hands are full right now," Nicky chuckled, leaning against the porch rail and looking back and forth between Red and Julio with lazy amusement.
Red's eyes narrowed and she squinted at Julio, while her mouth twisted and she struggled to find words. It wasn't often that she was rendered speechless but there was nothing she could say to contradict what Julio had expressed so simply. Truthfully, Red understood that she asked a tremendous amount of her sons.
Learning to cope with their mother being imprisoned was more than enough for them to deal with in this lifetime, but she also expected them to be accepting of Nicky and her relationship with Gloria and her two sons. It was a lot, and deep-down Red knew that she owed it to them to be tolerant of Klara. Klara mattered to them, and what she and Dmitri had done behind Red's back didn't change that. Red wished it could, but she also knew that it was selfish of her to think that way.
Walking up to stand next to Julio in front of the door, Red placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it affectionately, hoping to wordlessly communicate that she was not upset by what he said and, deep down, she knew that he was right. She knocked once on the wood of the door and then turned the knob, ushering Julio in and then holding the door open for Nicky.
Nicky stopped leaning against the rail and cautiously walked into the cramped entrance of the house. She could hear the sound of voices down the narrow hallway that she correctly presumed led to the living room and kitchen. Julio kicked off his shoes with the ease of a person who had evidently spent some time there and who was comfortable in his surroundings.
"Merry Christmas!" Lida exclaimed warmly, rushing out of the kitchen and down the hall towards them. Nicky raised her eyebrows in amusement at Vasily's bubbly young wife. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a navy-blue sweater that was emblazoned with a picture of a decorated Christmas tree. Lida's blonde hair was longer than it had been when she had visited the hospital during Nicky's appendectomy, and Nicky thought she had lost some of the baby weight she had still been carrying then.
"Merry Christmas, Lida," said Julio, as he passed by her on his way down the hall. "I'm going to put these under the tree."
"Sure," Lida replied smoothly, "everyone is waiting in there." She smiled eagerly between Red and Nicky. "Here let me take that," she said, reaching for the box of pies that Nicky was holding.
"Sure," said Nicky, passing her the box, "thanks. Nice sweater by the way."
"I know it's a little funny," Lida giggled, "but it really gets me in the Christmas spirit. I wear it every year."
"Sounds like somebody else I know," Nicky said, unzipping her coat as she glanced sideways at Red, who had placed the packages she'd been carrying on the floor, and had sat down on the stairs to unzip her boots more easily. "She wouldn't let me out of the house until she found me some clothes in Christmas colours to wear."
"Well, you look great," Lida smiled, "and it's so good to have you here." She took Nicky's coat from her and hung it on the rack.
"Isn't it?" Red agreed, standing up and hanging up her own coat.
"She has talked about nothing else for weeks," Lida told Nicky, beaming at Red, "and everyone is so excited to see you."
"Is she here yet?" Red asked, fixing her daughter-in-law with a piercing stare.
"Klara?" Lida clarified, "yes, she is. She got here about half an hour ago."
"Hmm," Red murmured.
"I don't blame you one bit for how you're feeling," Lida said quietly, readjusting the box in her hands. "I'm sure I would feel the exact same way if I was in your position. It's hard, but it means a lot to Vasily."
"I know it does," Red said tiredly, looking at the wall somewhere past Lida's shoulder. Her shoulders were hunched in defeat, "it doesn't mean I have to like it though."
"She's okay," Lida said softly, "and her being here doesn't change anything."
Nicky kneeled down and gathered the presents in her arms. "Well, shall we go in?" she asked casually, looking between Lida and Red, "I didn't come all the way from Litchfield just to stand by the door."
"Yes," Lida laughed nervously, slightly deterred at just how blunt she could be, "come in! The kids are both still upstairs having their naps but everyone else is in the living room. Except Max and Luca, they'll be here a little later."
"Who makes kids nap on Christmas?" asked Nicky in astonishment, "you must be a strict mom."
"They'll have me up at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning," Lida answered, looking back over her shoulder at Nicky, "so they better sleep now." She paused in the doorway of the living room, blocking Red and Nicky's view.
"Nicky's here," Lida exclaimed excitedly to the room. She stepped aside and went to set the box of pies on the last available space on her kitchen counter.
Nicky barely had time to collect herself when Yuri reached her and wrapped her in his arms tightly. "Welcome home, sis!" he exclaimed, kissing her hair.
"Holy f**k," Nicky said in disbelief, looking over Yuri's shoulder to the banner hung on the wall directly across from her. "WELCOME HOME NICKY!" was written in red and green lettering, and every other available space on the white sheet was overtaken by childish scribbling. "Who did that?" Nicky asked.
"I did it with the kids yesterday," Lida replied, coming back into the room and standing next to Red, who was watching the greeting between her children with a fixed smile and glazed eyes. She was so happy to see her children like that, but the moment was ruined when she caught sight of the spectacled woman in the arm chair, with mousy brown hair streaked with silver, who was sitting straight up with her hands folded in her lap, as she watched the Yuri and Nicky greeting each other.
"Hey, Nicky," Vasily exclaimed, pulling her into his arms once Yuri had released her, "good to have you here."
"You better go greet your mom next and do some serious groveling," Nicky whispered in his ear, "she's sad. But don't worry, she can't kill you in front of all of these witnesses."
"Thanks," murmured Vasily wryly as he glanced over at his mother. Red seemed determined not to make eye contact with anyone in the room and though her expression could be interpreted as haughty, Vasily could tell from the way she couldn't stop wrangling her hands and smoothing her hair, that she was uncomfortable and trying to not let it show. Vasily kissed Nicky's forehead and then skidded around her so that he could pull his mother into a big hug.
"Vasily," Red murmured in exasperation, stiffening in his embrace and keeping her arms dangling down at her side instead of wrapping them around him. Her reluctance only prompted Vasily to squeeze her even tighter against him.
"You love me," Vasily stated jovially.
Red let her head fall so that her forehead rested on Vasily's shoulder. "Even when you don't deserve it," she retorted grumpily.
"I'll take it," Vasily replied, sounded amused. He leaned down to brush his mother's cheek with his lips. "Merry Christmas, Mama".
"Merry Christmas, Ma," Yuri echoed, placing a hand around Red's back and tugging her towards himself. Red leaned against her eldest son without reserve, counting on him to help her through this excruciating encounter.
"Klara," Yuri said, squeezing Red tightly against him as he turned to face the other woman in the room. Klara had gotten to her feet and walked to stand in front of Red and her son, her hands joined together in front of her. "You remember my mother, Galina?"
"I think I hear Vera," Vasily said to Lida, "I'll go get her." He hurried out of the room, leaving the making of introductions to his older brother. The room was thick with a tension that was almost entirely Red's sole doing. Klara's eyes darted nervously to the hallway where Vasily had just made his exit and then she forced herself to look back at Red with a gentle, if impassive, expression on her face.
"It's nice to see you again," Klara said, giving Red a small smile that was not reciprocated, "Merry Christmas."
"Mmm," Red murmured in reply. Her body was angled towards Yuri and she had her chin resting lightly on his shoulder. Klara had extended her arm to shake hands, but Red averted her eyes and pretended she didn't notice. Slowly, Klara retracted her arm and raised her eyebrows at Yuri who shrugged noncommittally and rubbed his mother's shoulder in a wordless communication of solidarity.
Even behaving as aloof as she was, Yuri felt very proud of his mother for at least being there. His own circumstances had impressed upon him just how tremendously difficult a thing they were asking her to do. Yuri's ex-wife, Anna, had begun seeing a new man almost immediately after their marriage ended and his children, Feliks and Ivanna, adored him. It was an enormous blow to Yuri to see his family happy and cared for by this man, while he was only allotted the occasional weekend to be a father to his children.
"And this is my sister, Nicky," Yuri pressed on, eager to get these most awkward introductions out of the way as quickly as possible. He was annoyed at Vasily for running away and for Maxim purposely not being here in time to assist with this inevitable confrontation. Klara was more their responsibility than his anyways. Yuri had already been living away from home when their father moved his new girlfriend in, thus he had never bonded with Klara as a mother figure.
"Hi Nicky," smiled Klara, rubbing her palms together as she looked over at Red's adopted daughter, "it's very nice to meet you."
Nicky and Julio had made themselves comfortable on the couch where they had been watching the greetings most fascinatingly. Nicky blinked when Klara said her name and then got to her feet. "Hey," she said casually, holding out her hand to shake. The feel of Klara's damp and shaking hand in her grasp took Nicky by surprise. She hadn't expected this woman to be as anxious as she was and she suddenly felt a stirring of pity for Dmitri's girlfriend, upon who Red was probably currently wishing nothing but ill to befall.
"And that's Julio," Yuri said, pointing the arm that was not wrapped around Red at the young boy sitting on the couch. "Whew," he sighed in relief, "I think that's everyone."
"Well now that everyone knows one another," Lida cut in with false cheeriness, "Mama, will you please come help me in the kitchen? I'm basting the turkey and I think it's almost done but I want your opinion."
"Sure," said Red, sounding relieved, and she left the living room with her daughter-in-law to escape to the safe confines of the kitchen. Nicky tagged along behind them deciding she wanted to make sure for herself that Red was really okay.
The kitchen was pretty cramped for the three of them, especially because every available counter space was overtaken by desserts, breads, and salads. All of the burners of the stove were currently being used and the room felt hot and stuffy. Lida and Red both leaned into the oven and Nicky started poking around at all of the tin foil covered dishes.
"Look at all of this food," Nicky commented, "do you actually think we're going to eat this much?" Both Red and Lida ignored her, which Nicky found extremely irritating.
"It's almost done," Red was saying to Lida, "perfectly golden brown, with a crisp coating, it's beautiful darling." Nicky bit into a gingerbread cookie that she had snagged from a decorative plate in the shape of a bell and rolled her eyes at the lavish praise being heaped upon Lida and the Christmas turkey. Only Red could get that excited about a cooked bird that would be devoured within the hour.
"I'm just going to add a bit more spice I think," Red said, "and then we'll let it sit for a minute or two more."
"Okay," agreed Lida pleasantly.
Red turned away from the stove and her eyes narrowed when she caught sight of Nicky munching away on cookies and still poking around all the other dishes in her hunt for more treats. "Nicky," she scolded, "what do you think you're doing? Didn't you hear me say that supper is almost ready?"
"I'm still going to eat my supper," Nicky replied, ripping the foil off of another dish, "it's just one cookie. What is this?" she pointed at a round pastry that had been cut into triangular pieces.
"Forget it," Red said, taking a small jar of summer savory off of the spice rack, "you're not getting anything else."
"I don't want to eat it," Nicky told her, "I just want to know what it is."
Lida giggled, "it's Vatrushka," she told her, "it's a very yummy Russian sweet. Those ones are raspberry, I think."
"Cool," said Nicky, pulling a small triangular piece from the pastry.
"Nicky," exclaimed Red, "I said no more! You're going to ruin your appetite."
"It's a small piece," Nicky argued, "and I'm going to share one with Julio. I bet he's never tried this." Lida laughed as she watched Nicky give Red an angelic smile.
"Fine," Red relented, sounding exasperated, "anything to get you out from under foot." Nicky grabbed a second piece of the treat and walked out of the kitchen.
In the living room, Klara was sitting quietly in the armchair squinting at the television screen while Yuri and Julio went head to head in a race on Vasily's X-box. "I get winners," Nicky said loudly to announce her presence.
Klara looked over at Nicky and smiled nervously at her. "Is everything okay in there?" she asked, when Nicky sat down in the chair beside her.
"What do you mean?" asked Nicky nonchalantly, who was busy picking apart the sweet in her hand, and popped a piece of the delicate pastry into her mouth before looking over at Klara with raised eyebrows.
"I mean with your mother," Klara reiterated, "is she alright?"
"Would it bother you if she wasn't?" Nicky asked, scooping some of the raspberry filling onto her finger and into her mouth.
"Yes, it would," Klara said quietly, "this is a very uncomfortable position to be in. Although, I suppose it has gone better than I could have hoped it would, so far."
"Well, you did sleep with her husband," Nicky replied, ignoring the pained look on Klara's face. She brought the Vatrushka to her lips and stuffed the last of it into her mouth. Wiping the crumbs off of her lips, Nicky leaned back into her chair and crossed her arms.
"It's not as crystal cut as you want to make it seem," said Klara shortly, "I didn't jump into bed with a married man. I met the love of my life, who happened to have a wife serving nearly two decades behind bars for a pretty serious crime." Klara sniffled and picked up her purse that was on the floor next to her chair. She rummaged through it until she found a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "Excuse me," she said shortly to Nicky standing up and leaving the room.
Nicky sighed and turned to look sideways at Yuri and Julio, who were both still completely engrossed in their game and oblivious to anything else going on around them. "Here's a present," she said to Julio, laying the triangle of Vatrushka that she had snatched for him on his thigh.
Heaving another deep breath, Nicky slowly stood up from her comfy chair and walked into the hallway, glancing into the kitchen at Red and Lida, who were both putting the finishing touches on the feast they would soon all be expected to sit down and enjoy together. Red seemed fine to her. The dream daughter-in-law seemed to be excellent at playing to Red's ego and reassuring her that she was the official mother of the family. Nicky looked away from them and towards the front door where she knew Red's insecure rival had just exited.
"Hey," said Nicky, stepping out onto the front porch and shivering in the harsh chill as she zipped her coat up. "Listen, I'm sorry about what I said in there. It was rude."
"That's alright," said Klara, bringing her cigarette to her lips and inhaling, "it's hard. I don't expect Galina to be happy about me being here and I sort of feel like just leaving because I hate what this is doing to the boys."
"Okay, you can't leave," Nicky said strongly, "that is literally the worst fucking thing that you could do right now. You leave, and you basically give up being an equal member of this family. You'll only get to see them when Red doesn't happen to be around, because you basically let her scare you away."
"I'm not scared of her," scoffed Klara, "she hasn't even spoken to me yet. She basically just grunted and then went into the kitchen with Lida."
"I don't mean you're scared of her," said Nicky, "but you're intimidated that she's more loved and wanted in the family that you are. I mean, believe me, I get it! I was literally fucking terrified of those guys when Red made me meet them and called me her daughter right in front of them. I didn't understand how they didn't feel threatened by that."
"They know that their Mamochka loves them," said Klara, taking another puff of her cigarette, "and they believed her when she said it wouldn't change things. I think also, in a way, it made them feel good to know that she had somebody she loved inside with her because those boys felt tremendous guilt for keeping their Papa's and my relationship a secret from her."
"Yeah, that was a really shitty thing for you to make them do," Nicky said bluntly, "to make them lie to their mother like that."
"What good would it have done to tell her?" said Klara quietly, "it would only have caused her more pain. Dmitri didn't forbid them to tell her about us, he just advised them that it would make her very sad and none of them wanted to be the one to tell her."
"He shouldn't have put that on them," said Nicky staunchly, "it wasn't up to the boys to break their mother's heart. Dmitri should have been the one to tell her the truth."
"Would the news have broken her heart?" asked Klara with raised eyebrows, "did she love Dmitri so much that it would devastate her to think he had met somebody else?"
"She married him when she was twenty-two," Nicky stated, as though that answered the question.
"A long marriage doesn't mean it was a happy marriage," said Klara wisely, "I was married for nearly twenty years before my husband died of cancer and I was not happily married."
"Happily married or unhappily married, it doesn't matter," said Nicky in frustration, "you still got involved with a married man, who then turned around and forced his children to cover for him to their mother. A small part of you has to know that that was wrong."
"Would it have been better for Dmitri to sit at home alone while Galina served her sentence, to deprive himself of his first chance at genuine love, to die alone? Or would it have been better for Dmitri to divorce Galina and be honest about us?"
"He should have been honest!" Nicky exclaimed, "because Red would have kicked his sorry ass to the curb much sooner than she did, if she had known. What he did was cowardly."
"But don't you understand?" Klara blinked. "If they had divorced, Galina would have still been stuck in prison and it would have caused her a lot of pain."
"She's in pain now," Nicky argued angrily.
"Yes," Klara agreed, "but she is free and has a good life now. She has you, Julio, her sons, her grandchildren...she's in a good place to handle the truth now. When she was in prison, her family's main priority was just helping her to survive it. They wouldn't have done anything to make her situation worse or hurt her. By staying married, Dmitri was able to visit Galina every week and I know she looked forward to those visits. Dmitri provided her a lot of comfort, whether she'd admit it now or not. He also worked hard to send her money so that she could buy anything she needed. He did his best. The situation was very complicated. "
"I get why her sons tried to spare her feelings," Nicky folded her arms, "but you and Dmitri crossed lines. If he had really wanted to do what was best for her he would have stayed faithful."
"We fell in love," Klara whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. "It wasn't something we planned, it just happened. It wasn't fair to Galina but I don't think there are many people who would be able to stay faithful to a spouse sentenced to prison for such a long time."
"Maybe not," Nicky conceded. She gave Klara a scrutinizing stare. "I get love and I can understand how it happened between you guys. What I don't get...is how come Maxim and Vasily are so loyal to you?"
Klara blinked. She looked quite taken-a-back by the question. "Because I love them," she said finally. She tapped her cigarette on the side of the ash tray. "They are all I have. I never was able to have children of my own."
"Fair enough," Nicky cocked her head to the side. "Although, I don't get how they could overlook you moving in on their mother's territory. My Dad cheated with a maid I really liked once. I hated her the second I learned the truth...and I don't even like my biological mother! But I still was loyal to her."
"It's been a long process," Klara said quietly. "You're forgetting that as much as they love their mother, they adored their father just as equally. They understood what he was going through. Yuri, has always been a bit more withdrawn but I think I made Maxim and Vasily feel safe. They were grateful for the comfort and attention I provided that Galina no longer could. It wasn't about replacing her, it was about adapting to life without her. I could have never took her place. Those three are their mother's boys to the core."
Klara fixed Nicky with a piercing stare of her own. "Maybe that's something you can relate to?"
"Come again?" Nicky raised her eyebrows.
"Your relationship with Galina," said Klara. "She's like a mother to you."
"She is my mother," Nicky corrected. "I love her more than anybody else in the world. She's the reason why I'm out here talking to you now-trying to understand, so that I can help her learn to deal with this. I want her to have an amazing Christmas because she deserves to be happy."
"She does deserve that," Klara nodded, "and she is very lucky to have you for a daughter."
Nicky sniffled and looked over at Klara's cigarette enviously. "Could I have one of those?" she asked with a small smile.
"Sure," said Klara agreeably, passing Nicky a cigarette and the lighter.
"Thanks," said Nicky. She quickly lit the smoke and then took a deep puff, closing her eyes and savouring the flavour of fresh tobacco. She could feel all her senses relaxing. She blew smoke rings into the frigid air. "I just realized something," she said suddenly.
"Oh, what's that?" asked Klara, taking in another puff from her smoke.
"I'm sort of doing the same thing you did," said Nicky dryly. "Don't get too excited-it's not quite the same thing. It's just that nothing made me happier than when Red said I could call her mom and I would never stop doing that for anything. Even if her sons didn't like it, she'd still be my mom. It's not really fair to them, just like you and Dmitri weren't fair to Red."
"Dmitri loved his wife," Klara said, dabbing at the corners of her eye with her sleeve, "he cared about Galina very much and he blamed himself for not protecting her better. Neither of them was in love with one another, their marriage was an arrangement that they both agreed to in order to be allowed to immigrate to America. He loved her for being the mother of his children and he considered her to be his best friend. It was why he never wanted to divorce her and I never pressured him to do that. He said he was responsible for her and it was his job to take care of her, even if they were only ever married in name."
"They weren't married just in name," said Nicky stubbornly, "they had three kids, which means they had sex at least three times, but I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that it happened more than that. I agree with you that they weren't in love but don't try and pretend that Dmitri was some sort of saint for staying married to her."
Nicky took another drag from her cigarette before pressing on, "I saw the way she broke down that night that Yuri phoned to tell her about Dmitri being on life support. She tried to pretend that she was just distraught over her sons being forced to make the decision to pull the plug and being alone through everything."
"They weren't alone," Klara interrupted, "I was there with them the entire time. I didn't leave Dmitri's side for a second."
"Yeah, well, we didn't know about you then," said Nicky, giving her the side eye, "even in a crisis Yuri remembered to keep his father's secret. As far as Red knew, the boys were going through it all alone and she was consumed with guilt. She also was completely devastated, though she tried to hide it, because she loved Dmitri and probably never forgave herself for things ending between them on bad terms. I know this because I know her very well. She loved that man and she still grieves for him. Maybe she didn't love him as much as you did, but don't dismiss their relationship as just being a piece of paper that meant nothing."
Klara sniffled and dabbed at her eyes again. "You're a very smart young woman, Nicky," she said after a moment, "and I appreciate you coming out here and speaking to me. It's not easy to hear though."
"I can tell that you're a good person," said Nicky, "but I don't expect Red to be able to see it. Some wounds run a little too deep. She knows that Dmitri loved you and she's dealing with that in her own way. Vasily called this morning and told her you were coming to Christmas and said that you have just as much right to be here as she does. Just own that. Don't act like a victim because she doesn't like you. It would be weird if she did. Just enjoy your kids, who obviously love you. Trust me, I know better than anybody that blood isn't the only thing that makes you a family."
The door swung open with a loud bang, "what are you doing out here?" Red asked Nicky suspiciously, her eyes jetting back and forth between Nicky and Klara.
"Not smoking," answered Nicky innocently, smiling sheepishly as she put out her cigarette in the ash tray. Red's eyes narrowed and her whole body seemed to stiffen as she realized that her daughter had been outside cavorting with a woman she hated. It felt like a betrayal because Nicky was supposed to be the child that was completely on her side. Dmitri wasn't Nicky's father, so she didn't have the torn allegiance struggle that the boys did. Red had expected Nicky to give Klara the same cold shoulder approach that she had been demonstrating and it bothered her to see Dmitri's mistress engaged in what appeared to be a fairly intimate conversation with her daughter. Was there nothing of Red's that Klara wouldn't try to steal?
"We can talk about you smoking later," Red said stiffly to Nicky, "but supper is almost ready so you should come inside now." She threw a frosty look at Klara, who had been leaning against the rail of the house and watching the cars drive by on the road. Klara turned her head and met Red's animosity with a calm and wordless expression, trying to communicate that she was not a threat but she would not be a doormat either. Red's lip curled and she turned to walk back into the house, the screen door slammed behind her with an echoing bang.
"I think you better follow her," Klara said to Nicky, sounding slightly amused.
"Yeah, I will," shrugged Nicky, shuffling her foot back and forth against the floor. "I sort of like to wait a minute or so before following her commands or she starts expecting me to be that obedient all of the time."
Klara giggled, "I'll come back inside with you," she said heartily. Nicky nodded her head and turned to open the door that Red had just slammed.
"And Nicky?" Klara called hesitantly.
Nicky looked back over at her with her hand held out to grab the doorknob, "yes?"
"Thank you," said Klara softly, "I needed to hear all of that. You should be a psychologist."
Nicky flashed the woman a winning smile, "in that case, next time I'm going to charge you for this and usually I don't work holidays."
Klara smiled, "well then you better get inside and enjoy the rest of the evening with your family."
"They're your family too," Nicky reminded her with a knowing look, "let's both head inside, before Red gets out here and bites my head off." She knew that Red was annoyed with her for, in her eyes, speaking with the enemy, but Nicky thought she had done some good here.
She had no sooner walked back into the living room when a little girl with long red hair, pulled back into two ponytails, and enormous blue eyes toddled over to her and held up a truck for her to see. She was wearing a red velvet Christmas dress with white tights and Nicky had to admit that she was adorable.
"Are you showing Auntie Nicky the truck, Vera?" Red asked the little girl who giggled at her grandmother's words and then spontaneously threw the toy so that it hit Nicky in the shin.
"Ow," Nicky yelped glancing at Red who was still beaming at the baby as though she had just done something remarkable.
"Don't throw toys," Red tried to reprimand, but the smile on her face would stop anybody from taking her seriously.
"That's all you're going to say?" Nicky raised her eyebrows at Red.
"Auntie's hurt, Vera," Red continued to speak to the little girl, who took after her in looks so extraordinarily, "can you make it better?"
Vera kneeled down and licked Nicky's pant leg in what was probably supposed to be interpreted as a kiss to make it better. "So, this is Thing One," Nicky stated, walking around Vera and plopping herself down on the floor next to her mother. Red had actually gotten down on the floor so that she could play with her granddaughter more naturally. "Where's Thing Two?"
"Alexei just ran upstairs to find his favourite dinosaur toy," Red replied, just as a little boy with thick wavy blonde hair and mischievous brown eyes ran back into the room.
"I found him, Grandma," Alexei announced happily, "see him? He wasn't hiding."
"No, he wasn't hiding from you," Red smiled, "he just needed to nap a little bit longer."
"My dinosaur sleeps in my bed," Alexei told her.
"That's good," Red smiled, "can you say hi to Auntie Nicky?"
Alexei shook his head no and crawled onto Red's lap and hid his face beneath her arm, suddenly shy. Nicky rolled her eyes, pretty positive that the kid was just pretending to be bashful as a bid to get more of Red's attention. How often had Nicky used those same methods on the women when they had been in prison together. She couldn't blame the kid for enjoying Red's nurturing.
"Come on," Red coaxed kissing the boy's cheek and making him giggle, "say, 'Hi Auntie, I love you."
"I love you?" Nicky raised her eyebrows, "don't tell him to say that he doesn't even know me yet. What are you teaching these kids, Red?"
"Hi Auntie, I love you," Alexei said laughing hysterically and stretching out his legs so that they were draped over Nicky's lap.
"What is with these kids and personal space?" asked Nicky, pretending to be annoyed, "so far I've been assaulted with toys and now I'm a foot stool."
"They're so cute though," Red replied, wrapping her arms tightly around Alexei and giving him a squeeze.
"Aren't all kids cute?" Nicky asked dryly, not impressed.
"Not all kids," answered Red, "Yuri wasn't a very good-looking baby."
"Thanks Ma!" Yuri exclaimed sarcastically, not tearing his eyes off of the screen, his fingers hitting buttons on his game controller rapidly. "I'm right here."
"Oh, don't be upset darling, you grew up to be a handsome man," Red said unconcernedly, "besides I didn't think you were listening to me. I thought you boys turned into goblins from staring at those bright lights on the screen for so long."
"Do you mean zombies?" Yuri asked her wryly. Julio chortled from his seat on the couch, where he was leaning forward as close to the screen as he could.
Nicky nudged Red with her elbow. "So, are you okay?" she asked.
Red frowned at Nicky. "What were you doing outside with that woman?"
"Challenging her to a duel," Nicky joked lamely. She leaned over to kiss Red's cheek. "I was just trying to make peace because I love you."
"What do you got, Vera?" asked Klara, who had just walked into the room and bent down to look at the truck that the little girl was still walking around with. Red pursed her lips and her entire body tensed up. It was obvious to Nicky that Red really wanted to scoop up both of the babies and take them far away from this woman she had no desire to share them with.
"Can you say truck?" Klara asked Vera, speaking the word very slowly and carefully.
"Tuck," Vera parroted back, and even Red couldn't resist a small smile for the little girl who was so proud of herself. She did pale significantly however, when Vera held out her arms to Klara who immediately picked her up, balancing the one-year old on her hip.
"Umm, Galina," said Klara carefully. Red's head snapped up and she glared at the far wall, refusing to grant Klara the respect of looking at her when she was talking. "Maxim and Luca just drove up and they're outside waiting for you."
"Oh," said Red simply.
"Why are they waiting for you?" asked Nicky, but Red ignored her.
"Do you want to come with Grandma, Alexei?" Red asked the little boy in her lap, "I have something very special I want to show you."
"What is it?" asked Alexei, scrambling off of Red's lap.
"You'll see," Red replied, "go get your boots on." She gripped the side of the coffee table and pulled herself to her feet with some difficulty. Nicky would have liked to help her up, but she knew that Red would never forgive her if she made her look weak in front of Klara.
"I'm glad those two are finally here," Nicky said to nobody in particular, once Red and Alexei had left, "I'm starving." She got to her feet and wandered aimlessly out of the living room and into the hallway where she saw Vasily and Lida carrying a folded-up card table down the stairs together.
"Need some help?" Nicky asked them.
Vasily and Lida made it to the bottom of the stairs and lowered the table to the ground for a rest. "If you help Lida carry this one into the living room, I can run up and get the second one," Vasily replied.
"Sure," said Nicky, and Vasily jogged back up the stairs. Once Lida had caught her breath, Nicky helped her carry the card table into the living room. They set it down on the floor and Nicky wandered over to the couch, where Yuri and Julio were still enthralled in their game.
"You know, maybe mom wasn't wrong to use the word 'goblin' to describe how you two are looking," Nicky teased, "look at you both all hunched over with your eyes bugged out. Somebody should take a picture."
"You're just mad because you didn't get a turn yet," Julio replied, "but we still don't know who won between us yet."
"Yeah, and you're only on round what? One hundred?" Nicky rolled her eyes, "whatever happened to best of three?"
"You were gone when we got to round three," Yuri chimed in.
"So, we decided that playing to one hundred made more sense," Julio grinned.
"Suddenly I'm beginning to wonder why I ever thought it sucked to grow up as an only child," Nicky grumbled in annoyance.
"It's time to turn off the X-box you two," Lida called over to Yuri and Julio, from her spot standing next to Klara and Vera. Klara had been reading a storybook to the baby. "We need to move the coffee table and set up the tables for supper."
"Ha," Nicky taunted them.
"Just pause it," Julio said to Yuri, "we can finish after we eat." They both reluctantly put down their controllers and stood up and stretched. They were stiff from having been sitting for so long.
"Nothing stopping me from unsaving your progress," Nicky said coyly.
"You do that and you're dead," Julio shot back with a twisted grin.
Nicky opened her mouth to respond, but clamped it shut when she saw Red walk back into the room. Smirking at Julio, Nicky asked, "would you like to say what you just said to me again?"
Red's brow crinkled as she stared at Nicky as though she had lost her mind. "What are you all up to?" she asked impassively.
"The boys wouldn't let me have a turn on the Xbox," Nicky whined.
"Well at least it's finally off now," Red replied, "that music was giving me a headache."
"I know, right?" Lida giggled, "these guys are worse than Vasily. I thought he spent too much time glued to that thing."
"There's somebody you think is worse than me?" Vasily teased as he walked into the room, carrying the second table.
"Must be your lucky day," Lida replied, leaning over to kiss her husband.
"Lida, I'm going to take the baby upstairs and change her," Klara said, standing up and readjusting Vera on her hip. "She's pretty wet."
"I can do it," Red spoke up, "I was headed upstairs right now anyways."
"No, you weren't, mom," Nicky rolled her eyes. "Just let Klara take the baby. Are you really going to argue about who gets to change disgusting diapers?"
Yuri let out a low whistle and Vasily's eyes widened in astonishment as the brothers shared a look with one another. Lida crossed her arms and compressed her lips so that they almost entirely disappeared. Red's eyes were fixed on Nicky, as Klara quietly walked out of the room with Vera.
"Let's put these tables together guys," Vasily said, motioning to Julio and Yuri to help him. "Max and Luc are both outside in the backyard still with Alexei, lazy slackers." His tone was good natured and he winked at his mother as though the two of them shared a secret. Red ignored him.
"How many monkeys does it take…" Lida teased as the three guys began to assemble the collapsible tables.
"Don't start with me, missy," Vasily joked, "just run along and get the tablecloths." Lida rolled her eyes but walked out of the room.
Nicky walked over to stand beside her mother and leaned her head down on her shoulder. "I'm just trying to help keep everybody happy," she said in a light tone, "that, and Gloria told me before I left to make sure that you behaved yourself." Nicky laughed when she saw the tug on the sides of Red's lips, as she fought to resist smiling at the mention of Gloria's name.
"I love you," Nicky whispered to Red, kissing her cheek, "and I love you enough to keep you from turning one of your favourite days of the year unnecessarily into some sort of weird competition. You've got to admit that all your kids have gone out of their way to reassure you how loved you are today, at the expense of making Klara feel pretty insecure. So, stop being a brat."
Red pursed her lips at Nicky's words but she leaned her head against Nicky's affectionately as they watched the guys try and figure out how to release the folded table legs.
"This is painful to watch," Nicky commented after a moment.
"Agreed," Red nodded.
"This table leg is stuck," Vasily told them defensively, tugging on it fruitlessly.
Julio walked over and pulled it effortlessly in the opposite direction. "It opens up the other way," he said to Vasily. Nicky snorted.
"Nicky, will you come help me with something?" Lida asked as she walked into the room and placed the green folded tablecloth she was holding on the arm of the couch.
"Sure," said Nicky, giving Red's hand a squeeze before she followed Lida into the kitchen, "what do you need?"
Lida had climbed up onto a chair so that she could reach into the cupboard above the fridge. "I had forgotten we had this," she told Nicky, pulling out a beautiful silver centerpiece that had glass holders for three candles and was adorned with pearls.
"Pretty," said Nicky simply, giving the ornament a quick glance.
"It's not just pretty," Lida said mystically, "it's been in their family for generations."
"I don't have anything special like that," Nicky replied, leaning over to examine it more closely, "everything that we had in my house growing up had been created yesterday. My family wasn't overly sentimental."
"Well, it's been tradition in Vasily's family to decorate the Christmas table with this every year," Lida explained, "His mother did it when he was a kid and after his father died, Vasily took it back and we kept it in the cupboard for safe keeping. I sort of want to bring it out again, only I'm not sure if that's a wise decision.
"Why is that?" asked Nicky, "are you afraid one of your kids will break it or something?"
"No," Lida breathed, "I'm just nervous because things are already so tense between them and I don't want to make things worse."
"You think putting a pretty candle holder on the table is going to rock the boat that much?" Nicky asked skeptically.
"I just don't want to bring up any painful memories," Lida replied, "because this was one of Dmitri and Galina's wedding presents. Dmitri's mother passed it down to Galina when they got married and Galina brought it with them all the way from Russia."
"So, what's the problem?" asked Nicky calmly, "she'll probably be happy to see it again and thank you for taking such good care of it."
"You don't think putting one of their wedding presents on display might make her feel uncomfortable, or make Klara feel out of place?" Lida asked, biting her lip.
"You overthink things way too much," Nicky said, reaching out to take the centerpiece from Lida's hands. Without another word, she turned and walked back into the living room and placed it carefully in the center of the table, that Red had draped the green tablecloths over.
"That's pretty," Red murmured, as she glanced over at it. "Where did you get that?" she asked Lida. Nicky burst out laughing at Red's innocent question.
"It's yours," Lida told her, sounding confused, "you used to put it on the Christmas table every year when the boys were growing up."
Red blinked and slipped on her violet glasses so that she could take a better look. "Oh, that's right," she smiled in bemusement, "you can see the dent on the side where I dropped it one time."
"So, is that the emotional breakdown you were afraid this candle holder would invoke from her?" Nicky turned and said dryly to Lida.
"I thought it was a family heirloom," Lida said to Red, "Vasily said that his Grandmother passed it down to you when you got married and that it had been in the family for many generations."
"That's what Dmitri's mother said," Red replied, "but I think she was just too cheap to go out and buy us an actual wedding present, so she grabbed something out of her house and gave it a touching story. We were immigrating to America with nothing but the clothes on her back, and the woman didn't think to give us cash instead."
"Stop being so sentimental, mom," Nicky interrupted, "you're making us all uncomfortable." Lida giggled, amused, but quite taken aback by Red's indifference.
"It is beautiful though," Red admitted begrudgingly, "but I feel like my mother-in-law would haunt me from her grave if I kept it after divorcing her precious son. Why don't you just hang onto it, Lida? Then at least I can say that I kept up with tradition."
"How giving of you," Nicky rolled her eyes, "I hope you put more thought into the gift you put under the tree for her."
Lida just laughed, "well, it makes the place feel like Christmas anyways." The centerpiece did set off the Christmas table nicely and, even if Red was not overly impressed by its significance, all three of her sons noticed it and commented on it when they walked into the living room.
"Where were you hiding?" Nicky asked Maxim, after he walked over to give her a hug and introduce her to his boyfriend Luca.
"I was playing outside with Alexei," Maxim replied, "and then he wanted to show me something upstairs." Nicky considered that an acceptable explanation and then walked into the kitchen to help Red, Lida, and Julio bring out glasses, silverware, and the side dishes that were being placed on the table. The main food all stayed in the kitchen because there wasn't enough room, and the family lined up with their plates buffet style before taking their seats at the long table that took up the entire length of the living room. It was noisy, crowded, and chaotic. Nicky loved seeing that Vera's highchair and Alexei's booster seat were both seated right at the table. The Reznikov family clearly did not buy into the idea that children should be seen and not heard. The tiniest members of the family were lavished with more love and attention than Nicky had ever dreamed of receiving as a child. These kids were very blessed.
"You looked like you were far away just now" Red commented, as she sat down in the chair next to Nicky. "What were you thinking about?"
"That I'm lucky to be a part of this family," Nicky admitted in a gravely voice.
"We're the lucky ones," Red corrected her, "we're lucky to have you."
Red's eyes twitched as she watched Klara walk into the room and buckle Vera into her highchair, but she forced herself to look away and smile at Julio, when he sat down in the seat beside her.
"Are you having a good time?" Red asked Julio quietly.
Julio nodded enthusiastically, "It's really fun," he answered, "I'm glad I came."
"I'm glad you came too," Red replied, just as Yuri walked in carrying two bottles of wine, one a red merlot and the other a sparkling white.
"Do you want the white, mama?" Yuri asked. Red nodded and held out her glass for her son to pour the wine into.
Yuri put down the white bottle and picked up the red. "I don't even need to ask you which you'd prefer," Yuri smiled at Klara, as he poured her a glass of the merlot. The familiarity Yuri expressed annoyed Red, but since his back was turned he did not see the face that his mother made.
"Thanks, dear," Klara murmured, whirling the wine around in her glass before taking a large sip.
"Can I have some?" Julio asked Red. It warmed Red's heart whenever he asked her permission for anything. The trust and respect Julio put in her was very endearing. It just made her sad to realize that she would probably never have this with his brother. Gloria would have been so happy to come home to her entire family being this close.
"Does your aunt ever let you have wine?" asked Red, taking a small sip from her glass.
"Well, we don't really have it besides at church," Julio admitted.
"I don't mind," Red replied, "just don't tell Lourdes I gave it to you."
"Deal," Julio agreed happily, "can I try the white, Yuri?"
"Just half a glass," Red added.
"How about you, Nicky?" asked Yuri, as he handed a half-glass of white wine to Julio, "what kind of wine would you like?"
"No thanks," Nicky replied, "I'm good with my root beer," she held up the can that she had nabbed from the fridge when she was in the kitchen getting her food. Everybody else came in and took seats around the table. Maxim sat down next to Klara and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Nicky faintly heard him ask if his stepmother was okay, upon which Klara gave his hand a firm squeeze. Red kept her eyes focused on Yuri, who was finishing pouring all of the adults some wine, determined not to watch the interaction between Klara and her middle son, who were obviously incredibly close. Alexei was busy making bubbles in his chocolate milk and Lida had to reprimand him, as she leaned over to cut his turkey into small enough pieces for him to eat.
There was no grace or awkward toasting, for which Nicky was relieved. This wasn't a formal family, even if they were all dressed in coordinating Christmas colours and had prepared a feast that would be fit for a king. For awhile, Nicky chose to listen rather than talk, as she gave a silent word of thanks to God for placing her right here in this very moment.
A yipping sound from above caused Nicky to scrunch her face up as she strained to listen for the sound again. "Was that a dog?" she asked, turning to look at Vasily and Lida. Red placed her fork down and fixed her eyes across the table at Maxim, who responded by shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip of wine from his glass.
Nicky's question was answered as the barking sound amplified and she heard the pitter patter of little paws run down the stairs and into the living room. Nicky looked over and saw a tiny brown and white dog, with a red bow tied to its collar, and a fluffy tail that was wagging madly.
"Who are you?" Nicky asked the dog, as she stood up from the table and kneeled down on the floor to scratch the furry friend behind the ears. The puppy jumped up to lick her face.
"The puppy," shouted Alexei in excitement, as he jumped down from the table and ran over to pet the dog.
"I thought you said you shut the door before you came downstairs?" Red asked Maxim sharply.
"I did, Ma," Maxim replied, sounding exasperated, "but I already told you before that this dog is a menace. Champion escape artist, I had to chase her down three blocks this morning when she slipped out of the backyard. Not to mention how she chewed up my favourite pair of shoes and my best pillow."
"She's perfect!" Nicky exclaimed happily, sitting cross legged on the floor with the dog in her lap, while Alexei stood beside her and stroked the dog's coat gently. "What's her name?"
"Daisy," Red replied, "she came pre-named, otherwise I wanted you to be able to name her yourself. But she caught my eye when I was trying to pick one out for you and since my first dog's name was Marguerite, which is the Russian word for that flower, I took that as a good omen."
"Wait," Nicky looked up at Red in amazement, "you mean she's mine?"
Red nodded. "You weren't supposed to see her until after dinner," she said, shooting another annoyed look in Maxim's direction, "but she's all yours. Merry Christmas, Nicky!"
"Mommy," Nicky squealed, scooping up Daisy in her arms and rushing back to the table to give Red a kiss. "You said I couldn't get a dog because the apartment didn't have enough room."
"Well I had a change of heart," Red shrugged with a smile.
"Where was your change of heart when I begged for a dog for three whole years?" complained Vasily, "your excuse then was that dogs were dirty and you didn't like them. Now you have two of them!"
"I never said I didn't like them," Red protested, "and they are dirty if you don't bathe them enough. You boys didn't even like to wash yourselves, and I had enough to do besides taking care of a high maintenance pet for you. We had a cat."
"A mean cat that scratched me on the arm for no reason," Vasily told his mother, "I still have the scar."
"I'm sure he had his reasons," Red replied, defending the cat.
"I love you so much already," Nicky told Daisy, taking her seat at the table and feeding the dog a piece of turkey right off of her plate.
"Oh, Nicky," Red scolded, "that's disgusting."
"She just wants to celebrate Christmas with us," Nicky replied. Daisy sniffed at Nicky's drink. "No, no, no," Nicky scolded her dog, "you can't have my root beer." She moved the can out of reach.
"I love you, mom," Nicky whispered, leaning her head against Red's shoulders and snuggling the dog to her chest.
"I love you, too," said Red.