Okay, so it's been a deal…but I haven't forgotten about this story….except, yes, uh…I kinda did. With real life being a bit hectic and I suddenly feel in love with another TV series which has distracted me. I have no plans to give up this story though. Hopefully you're all still with me!

Enjoy.

I'm Not Fine

"Congressman, I got Josh on line one." Bram announced, sticking his head around the conference room door.

Donna looked up quickly; she hadn't spoken with her husband since early that morning before they had headed out to the church. She had tried several times but he never answered then his phone had been turned off.

He never came out and said it but she knew he had been upset after seeing Toby. She had left him a ton of messages, like everyone else on the campaign but no one had heard from him until now.

Matt leaned across the desk and hit a button to put the call on speakerphone before sitting back. "Josh?"

"Good evening, Sir…" Josh greeted. "I heard the speech at the church went well…"

"Is everything okay?" Matt questioned. "We've been trying to get hold of you for the past couple of hours…"

"Sorry, sir…I've been meeting with a potential donor and my phone died." Josh stated.

"Well, you're on speaker with Lou, Ben, Donna and Edie." Matt informed him. "They've all been trying to get hold of you…"

"Sorry, guys but great job today." Josh claimed. "Ben, Lou…I need you guys to look into Illinois…"

"We're down by 9 in Illinois…" Lou reminded him distractedly as she re-read a report.

"Buying media in Chicago is going to expensive." Ben advised. "Where are you planning on pulling the money from?"

"I'm just talking about doing some polls at the moment." Josh said. "Sir, I think we should also consider a campaign stop…We might not be able to get you out there but maybe Leo or perhaps Helen…"

"Wait." Lou finally looked up from the paper. "You're actually serious about this?"

"I think it's worth spending a little money and time there." Josh told her.

"Why?"

"Just a hunch…"

"Something come up in that meeting you had?" Matt questioned.

"Something like that…"

"Josh…" Lou started.

"I'm just talking about paying more attention there, Lou." Josh cut her off. "If we need to we can makes some cut in Wisconsin."

"I'll make some calls…" Ben added.

"Get in touch with Joey Lucas…" Josh told him.

"I'm on it…" Ben said before standing up.

"Edie, have you gotten anywhere with Baker?"

"His staff are playing a little hard to get but I think they'll join us." She answered.

"He has to...The candidate of his party is going to be campaigning in his state." Lou grumbled. "Remind them that we'll bring a lot of good media that will be free for the Governor…If they don't want it, we can always find someone else to have a cheesesteak with…"

"Okay, Edie…Don't let Lou near Baker's people." Josh ordered.

Edie snorted. "Good call…"

"Just give me two minutes with them…"

"Like Joe Farley over at the mayor office?" Edie shot back.

"Hey…" Lou started as she leaned across the table.

"Edie, keep me updated about Baker?" Josh interrupted. "And go get Lou a drink or something?"

Lou paused for a moment, considering the suggestion. "Now, that is a good call."

"Do you want to join us?" Edie looked to Donna as they stood up and began gathering their paperwork.

"I'll catch up with you." Donna said with a small smile.

"Thanks, guys." Matt said as they exited the room before turning back to the phone. "How's DC? It's a shame the President couldn't join us?"

"Yeah, he sends his apologies." Josh answered. "It was just too short notice…besides, you did a great job and we could have come off as hiding behind him if he was there…"

"We got lucky." Matt let out a small laugh. "I had no idea what I was going to say until I got up there."

"Well, whatever it was… you did great." Josh replied. "Helen is still there with you, right? You should grab some dinner with her…have some down time."

"Has something happened?"

"Sir?"

"Have you hit your head? Are you really Josh Lyman?"

"I'm just saying you might not get chance again for a while…" Josh claimed when he realize Santos was baiting him.

"Well, I'm going to check in with Leo first but then I think I might just do what you suggest." Matt stood up, stretching his arms out in front of him. "I'll leave you to catch up with your own wife…."

"Sir?" Josh said questionably when he heard a chuckle.

"I'm sorry…It's just weird to think you have a wife…" Matt replied. "Anyway, we'll see you in Pennsylvania?"

"Yes, I'll see you there." Josh resisted the urge to sigh; knowing he'll barely be in Philadelphia for a day before turning around and coming back to DC for Ellie's wedding.

"Good, I want you to block off an hour for a meeting."

"I'm not sure if that's going to be possible, Sir…" Josh claimed. "Who did you want me to meet with?"

"Me."

"Congressman…"

"We're going to finish our conversation about White House positions." Matt stated and started towards the door. "See you in Philly…"

"Sir?" Josh called out but Matt kept walking.

Donna leaned forward and picked up the phone, taking it off speaker. "He's left the room."

"Damn it."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…"

"You went MIA pretty much all day…"

"There was just someone I needed to see…"

Donna glanced around just to double check no one was around to overhear. "Toby?"

"Yeah…" Josh sighed. "I just couldn't leave it how it was…"

"Did you guys work things out?"

"There was a lot of shouting and arguing but yeah…"

"I'm glad."

"I told him."

Donna didn't know what to say, she was not expecting that.

"It just came out…" Josh claimed. "We were arguing and it came out...and god, I didn't want to tell him….he's not over David and everything that's happened with the shuttle…"

"Maybe because of his brother he will understand…" Donna suggested. "And I know you two argued a lot of the time, you were always close…maybe you need him and maybe he needs to be there for you…"

"He doesn't understand…he doesn't understand why David didn't want to fight and he thinks I'm giving up." Josh stated. "I think I made things worse for him…"

"No." Donna said firmly. "You have no control over this… You didn't ask to get sick and certainly aren't to blame for David's illness and you didn't make him leak that information…"

"He was alone…His brother had died and he had no one to turn to." Josh whispered. "If he had someone to talk to…to help…"

"Josh, I'm begging you… on top of everything else you're dealing with, please do not make yourself responsible for Toby's mistakes."

There was a long pause but Donna knew he was still on the line because she could hear him taking some deep calming breaths.

"I might never see him again…" He whispered.

"Josh…" her voice cracked with emotions and tears filled her eyes.

"I just… He was alone and angry, Donna…" He continued. "I don't want him to be…I want him to be okay."

"I know." She brushed away some tears that had rolled down her face. "And he will be…This is Toby, he's made of strong stuff…Things are difficult at the moment but I'm sure once everything with the shuttle has blown over, it'll get better…"

"I guess you're right…" He sighed quietly.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm heading to the clinic…" He told her. "Dr. Mitchell has arranged for me to have the blood transfusion…It's going to take a couple of hours but you should be able to reach me on my cell…"

"The congressman is taking the evening to spend with his wife and I'm sure everything else can wait." Donna assured him. "Did you get some antibiotics too?"

"Yeah, although I feel okay I guess it's better to be prepared." He replied. "I uh, I also spoke with Dr. Mitchell about us meeting with him the day after the wedding…"

"You have?" She asked in surprised. "Why?"

"I figured you would want to talk to him…get some answers." He claimed. "I pretty much shut off whenever they're talking about the future…Its probably a good idea to have someone who knows what to expect."

"Are you sure?" She questioned. "You've always been pretty adamant about going to these appointments alone."

"Yeah but that was before…"

"Before what?"

"Before you became my wife." He said softly. "Before you married me knowing I cannot offer you a long and happy marriage….It was selfish of me not to do this before you knew what you had really signed up for."

"It doesn't matter what the doctor says, it's you I've signed up for."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." She confirmed. "But it would be good to know what we have to come…So we can deal with it together."

"Together? That sounds nice…"

Despite everything, Donna couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, it does…"

He let out a loud sigh. "I should go…you should catch up with Lou and Edie, have some fun."

"Okay, call me later?"

"Yeah…Love you."

"Love you too… get some rest."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." He mumbled sarcastically.

"Just try."

"I'll do my best."

"That's all I ask…"

Donna placed the phone back down and leaned back in her chair; struggling to keep her emotions at bay. As hard as it is to deal with everything now she had a feeling it was going to be much harder some she had heard what the doctor had to say…And she was not looking forward to them confirming that sometime in the near future, she was going to lose Josh Lyman.

TBC

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