It was a beautiful spring afternoon in April when Red walked up the stairs that led to her apartment. Slung on one arm was a blue cloth bag filled with fresh vegetables from the market, bread from the baker, and some very fine cuts of beef from the butcher. Red never went into a one-stop grocery store if she could help it. She was very choosy about the selections she made, always had been, but she appreciated the market even more after her time in prison. She tried to get there several times a week, but, until recently, that had been difficult to do because of the insane work schedule she had been juggling for months. She had even been forced to miss a couple of Saturday visitation days with Gloria, due to unavoidable work obligations, which had devastated them both.
Lourdes had developed a cold in early January that had developed into full blown pneumonia that necessitated her being hospitalized for almost a week, followed by nearly a month of bed rest. It wasn't the first time the tough old lady had succumbed to an illness, but at least this time she had not needed to worry about the boys. Red had naturally stepped in to fill Lourdes' shoes while she recovered. It had started with her making extras of everything she cooked and dropping it off at the Mendoza apartment every day so that the boys would always have a homecooked meal for supper. She had kept their pantry well stocked with groceries and ensured the place was kept reasonably clean. On evenings that Nicky was working, Red would often linger to wash the dishes and keep Julio company while he did homework. As time went on, Benny began to feel comfortable enough to join them. He had felt very self-conscious about how vulnerable he had made himself to her on New Year's Eve, but Red had fortunately had enough sense to not bring it up, and as time passed Gloria's youngest son had begun to feel more comfortable in her presence. Red was just thankful that Benny had finally decided to give her a chance.
Red turned her key and opened the door of her apartment. The dogs rushed eagerly toward her in welcome and Red lifted her bag to keep it away from their sniffing noses. Nicky smiled over at her from her place lying on the couch. She was already dressed in the black pants, white blouse, and red bow-tie that she wore for work. Her hair was pulled back in a thick ponytail and she looked beautifully fresh faced since the restaurant had a rule against heavy makeup.
"You're home early, mom," Nicky commented, pulling herself up into a sitting position, "you hardly ever get home before I need to leave." There was a slight edge in Nicky's tone, she had been feeling a little neglected lately. Red had been working so much that sometimes it felt like they barely saw each other. Nicky worked and went to school at night so Red was often already sound asleep when she would finally get home and crawl into the bed next to her.
"Lourdes offered to cover my shift so that I could get out early for a change," Red replied. She paused by the couch to give Nicky a kiss. Then, humming to herself, she walked over to the kitchen to place her bag on the counter.
"What time do you start work tonight, honey?" asked Red, as she pulled out her cutting board and her favourite knife.
"Six," Nicky replied, sounding slightly annoyed, "same as always." It bothered her how often Red asked her that question. She always gave the same answer. Heaving a great sigh, Nicky pulled herself up off of the couch and into a kitchen chair so that she could watch Red unpack the ingredients she had bought for tonight's dinner.
"It's like you're just asking me to call in sick tonight," Nicky said crankily, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.
"What do you mean?" asked Red. She pulled out the fresh onions she had bought and began to quickly dice them.
"I'm going to miss a great dinner," Nicky said matter-of-factly, "I'm going to be reduced to snacking on the leftovers in the restaurant kitchen. You never cook for me anymore!" She stuck her bottom lip out in a childish pout.
"Your plate will be waiting for you when you get home tonight," Red said with a smile, "all you're going to have to do is warm it up."
"It's not the same," Nicky said flatly, "I mean, we haven't sat down for dinner together once this week."
"That's because our work schedules tend to overlap," Red pointed out, "and you went out with that Brooke girl Sunday evening when we were both off."
"Yeah, but still…" Nicky pouted, although she knew there wasn't any blame to necessarily be cast.
"I'm sorry, Nicky," Red sighed. She walked around the table to give her a hug and a kiss. "I know this hasn't been what you expected when you got out. It's just hard when we're both so busy." She kissed Nicky's forehead again. "Let's make plans to have a just you and me day next Sunday."
Nicky nodded slowly in agreement. "What do you want to do?" she asked, a smile spreading across her face at the thought of having a full day with Red's attention focused solely on her.
"Whatever you want to do," Red replied. She gave Nicky's arm a small squeeze, "I'm all yours.
Nicky nodded agreeably. "We could go see a movie?" she suggested tentatively.
"Sounds good to me," Red replied. She went back over to the counter to continue chopping up vegetables.
"Maybe do some shopping and see if we can find you a dress for the wedding," Nicky added with a smirk.
Red turned to stare at her, "I have dresses. I'll just wear one of them. I don't care enough to waste money on a brand-new dress that I don't need."
"Well, you're going to have to," Nicky said, "you don't have anything fancy enough to wear to this wedding. It's going to be very formal."
"How irritating," Red rolled her eyes, "I'm going to deduct the cost of a new dress out of the budget for the present I was going to buy them."
"Don't be cheap now," Nicky chided, "you've been working overtime for months, you can afford a new dress. Maybe in green? I bet that would look really pretty on you. I bet Gloria would agree," she smiled.
"Gloria," Red scoffed, "if you were concerned about what she thought, maybe you should have had enough sense when you rescheduled this wedding for June to pick a date that she would be able to attend." Piper and Alex's wedding date was just five days before Gloria's scheduled release. That fact had infuriated Red, who felt terribly guilty for planning to attend such a celebration while Gloria sat alone in prison. It would have been fun to get dressed up and go out together.
"For the millionth time, I'm sorry," Nicky exclaimed, "but it's not like it's my wedding. I'm just a bridesmaid, nobody listens to me."
"Aren't you the reason that Piper decided to reschedule this wedding in the first place?" Red asked, narrowing her eyes.
"All I said was that it was probably going to rain in April. I was trying to save their wedding from being a disaster," Nicky said defensively. They both glanced out the window at the beautiful sunny day. The forecast was for sunshine all that week. "But what do I know?" Nicky scoffed, "I was just talking. Why do you let me do that?"
"I take no responsibility for that big mouth, little girl," Red smiled, "you didn't get that from me."
"According to Gloria, I got my attitude from you though," Nicky teased, "although even she agrees I'm not as dramatic as you are."
"You're the one who overturned an almost completely planned wedding just because you were afraid of a little rain," Red pointed out.
"And I'm being duly punished for it," Nicky rolled her eyes, "you try spending two hours of your life in a stuffy dressing room with Piper while she gets fitted for alterations. That was my day."
"Oh, poor baby," Red soothed sarcastically, "but why did you have to do that? Aren't you just supposed to be responsible for Alex?"
"You'd think," Nicky replied, "but apparently I have better judgement about those things over her sister-in-law, Neri. I mean, I was forced to endure my share of weddings growing up. Do you know how many times Marka forced me to be a flower girl for stupid friends of hers that I didn't even know the names of?"
"I don't," Red answered, sounding slightly amused.
"Too many to count," Nicky said dramatically, "and the last time, I was twelve. That's too old! I was humiliated. This kid made fun of me and I beat him up outside the church when I was supposed to be taking photographs. Marka almost killed me for getting grass stains on my dress."
Red laughed out loud. "Oh, Nicky," she shook her head, "what am I going to do with you?"
"I had no idea that this wedding was going to be such a big fuss," Nicky sighed, "I thought they wanted something simple, but Piper's parents are sparing no expense. We're talking a horse drawn carriage and white doves released after they say 'I Do'. I'm still a little shocked that they have gotten on board with the whole their-daughter-marrying-Alex thing, they hadn't been very supportive at first."
"All that fuss for one day," Red said incredulously, with a shake of her head, "Yuri and Anna got married at city hall and saved their money so that they could take a honeymoon instead, and when Vasily and Lida got married they had a simple morning ceremony and then had a lunch at our store for immediate family and a couple of close friends. Dmitri and Maxim catered it together." She got a wistful expression on her face as she recalled the weddings of her two sons that she not been present for. On both occasions, Red had spent the day scrubbing the prison kitchen from top to bottom just to keep busy and attempt to distract herself from what she was missing. Her sons may have forgiven her for not being there for them, but Red new she would never give herself that same courtesy. Thinking about that lost time still brought angry tears to her eyes and she knew that she had nobody to blame but herself.
"What was your wedding day like?" Nicky asked curiously, propping her chin up in her hand.
"My wedding day?" Red blinked with a wry smile, reaching for a potato to peel, "I try not to think about it. Why do you ask?"
"Just curious," Nicky shrugged, "did you wear a wedding dress?"
Red bit her bottom lip for a moment before answering, "I wore my mother's wedding dress," she said finally, keeping her eyes on the potato in her hand. "it was made of lace and had a high neck and long sleeves. I wore a veil with it too, that covered my face." She couldn't help but smile as she reminisced. "It was the first time I had ever worn high heels and it was a long walk over the cobblestone roads from my house to the church. I remember spending the entire ceremony thinking about how sore my feet were. Then we had to walk all the way back to the house for the dinner my Mamochka had cooked for our two families to share. I took my shoes off and we ran the entire way back together, hand in hand. My stockings were filthy and we both couldn't stop laughing. Our families thought we were crazy, and I remember that I couldn't stop staring at Dmitri that day and thinking that I had made the right choice in becoming his wife. Of course, that was just my adrenaline speaking in the moment," she scoffed, "I should have listened to my gut instinct to call it off while I had still had the chance."
"You sure about that?" Nicky asked her, "it wasn't all bad. You had your happy times with him, you admitted that to me before. Besides, you wouldn't have any of your sons or grandchildren if you hadn't gotten married."
Red smiled a little wistfully before replying. "Yuri was conceived on our wedding night," she said, tossing a potato into a pot and then reaching for another. "I took that to be a sign from the heavens that I had done the right thing." She began peeling the potato in her hand with a vengeance, "but I was pretty stupid back then. The universe doesn't work that way. As the years went by we found less and less things to laugh about. Marriage is hard."
Nicky sighed. She knew she wouldn't get anymore out of Red than that. "Marka was a debutante," she said conversationally, "so she and my Dad were just sort of paired up. He cheated on her all the time though. I could always tell when he was having an affair because my mom would always start exercising more regularly or go get a new haircut or something. Sometimes she'd take me to the spa and we'd get manicures and facials together. I guess that was her way of trying to bond with me."
"So, did that make her feel better?" asked Red.
"Well, no," Nicky admitted, "but sleeping with my Dad's brother did the trick."
"Revenge at its finest," Red said, sounding bemused.
"But they had the fairy tale wedding," Nicky said with a dry laugh, "although it was definitely not a match made in heaven."
"It rarely is," Red said dryly. She turned away to fill the pot of potatoes up with water. "People get married for all sorts of reasons that have very little to do with love."
"I would never get married unless I was in love," Nicky told her.
"That's because you're smart," Red smiled.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Nicky was in good spirits that night as she stood behind the bar filling never ending drink orders that the servers continually brought her. Nicky liked the fast pace that the job required. She enjoyed hanging back at the bar while she observed the different people that chose to patron this type of establishment. It was the sort of high-end restaurant that Nicky had always been taken to as a child. She had hated it then, but she found the place rather entertaining now that she was working there and not stuck at a table while her mother and father admonished her to sit up straight, use the right eating utensil, and not to dare spill anything on her dress.
"How's it going, Nicky?" Piper asked, as she walked over in her server uniform and handed Nicky the piece of paper that she had scribbled her table's drink orders onto.
"Not bad," Nicky shrugged. She pulled out some glasses and began adding ice to them. "Tonight's been pretty quiet. Which is a nice change, I guess."
"Thank goodness," Piper breathed, "my feet are killing me after all the rushing around town you and I did today. I'm exhausted."
"Well, maybe we'll be able to get out of here early tonight," Nicky said, as her hands reached for the various bottles she needed to create her concoctions. "I told Brooke I'd meet her for a drink after work tonight. If we finish sooner we might have time for even more than that."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll make time either way," Piper said coyly. She rested her elbows on the countertop. "Do you think you could come with me and Alex for the cake tasting tomorrow afternoon? We need a mediator or we won't be able to decide."
"I thought we had already decided on the cake?" Nicky asked in exasperation. Moving the wedding date ahead had caused Piper to second guess nearly all of the decisions that had already been settled.
"There's a new flavour that I think might be better," Piper replied, "so, will you come?"
"Hey, if you two can't even settle on the type of wedding cake you're going to have, then you have bigger issues to worry about," Nicky said. She stuck a lime on the rim of a glass and then sighed, "but yes, I'll tag along, but only because I like cake."
"Thanks, Nicky," Piper said, just as her phone lit up in the pocket of her waitress pouch. She pulled it out to see who was calling. "It's Alex," she announced.
"Well, you better go hide in the back to talk to your almost wifey before the boss catches you," Nicky said wisely. The owner of the restaurant was notorious for popping up the second an employee pulled out a forbidden phone. "I can drop this tray of drinks off in the dining room for you. Just tell me where they're going."
While Piper snuck off to talk to Alex, Nicky carefully carried her heavily laden tray over to the table that Piper had pointed out. She maneuvered the tray onto one arm and then placed her other hand on the first drink. "Caesar, double shot?" she asked the small table. Her eyes were still cast on the tray she was doing her best to hold steady.
"That would be mine," a deep voice said slowly, "thank you, Nicole." The familiar voice caused goosebumps to prickle the skin on her arms and she knew who he was before she even looked at him.
"Daddy," Nicky said in a shaky voice, when she finally summoned the courage to look away from her tray of drinks and meet his gaze.
Hayden Nichols had barely changed at all in the time since Nicky had last seen him. His curly blonde hair was a bit more salt and pepper, but that actually succeeded in making him look even more handsome. He still had the same strong jaw, good physique, and the big brown eyes that his daughter had inherited from him. Last she had heard, her father had been living in London for business and rarely visited America. They hadn't corresponded in a very long time though. The man in front of her was basically a complete stranger.
Nicky silently passed her father his drink, while he stared at her with unblinking eyes that made her feel as though she were being x-rayed. She handed the two men he was dining with their drinks, both also dressed in well tailored business suits, and nodded politely as they introduced themselves to Hayden's daughter and shook her hand. Then she turned to flee back to the safe confines of the bar. The empty tray was shaking madly in her grip as her hands trembled. It was only once her back was to him, that Hayden seemed to snap out of his trance.
"Wait, Nicole," he said with urgency, as he leaped to his feet. Nicky looked over her shoulder at him with raised eyebrows. Her face was as white as the blouse she was wearing.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," Hayden said to his two companions, adjusting his tie as he walked around the table to stand next to his daughter.
"I have to get back to work," Nicky told him flatly. She turned back around and continued her trek back to the bar where there were surely to be several new orders waiting for her to fill. She sucked her teeth when she realized that he was following her.
"Can you take a break for a few minutes?" Hayden asked.
"No, I can't," Nicky said coldly. She walked back around the bar but stuck out a hand to halt her father in his step when he tried to follow her. "You're not allowed back here," she said primly.
"Alright, sorry," Hayden said, stepping backward with his hands held up. "I just can't believe that I'm seeing you again." Nicky just crinkled her nose at him and said nothing as she reached for her next order with a shaking hand.
"How long have you worked here for?" Hayden asked, sitting himself down on the bar stool in front of her.
"About four months," Nicky said flatly. She turned around and opened up a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.
"Okay," Hayden said with a deep breath, "what were you doing before this then?"
"You don't want to know," Nicky said stiffly. She poured two glasses of the white wine and then placed them on a tray and handed it to the waiting server. Then she began making the tequila sunrise that was written on her next order slip.
"I always thought you were going to be a veterinarian because you liked animals so much," Hayden said conversationally.
Nicky stared at him incredulously, "I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was in middle school," she said with a roll of her eyes. Then she looked back down at the drink she was working on.
"I'm sorry, Princess," Hayden said quietly, "I'm just trying to wrap my head around seeing you right now, looking so beautiful and all grown up. I've always still thought of you as a little girl."
"That's because I basically was still a little girl the last time we saw each other," Nicky said unsympathetically, "and don't call me Princess. I always hated it when you did that, and I hate it even more now. I'm not your princess. You don't even know me anymore!"
"Okay. Nicole, then," Hayden reiterated, "I'll try to remember. Do you still wear the locket I mailed to you on your sixteenth birthday?"
"Nope," Nicky said bluntly, "I must have lost it." The truth was that the expensive necklace her father had decided to send for her birthday, in lieu of a visit, had been one of the first things that Nicky had decided to hock for drugs. She could still remember how satisfying it had felt to pawn that piece of jewellery all those years ago.
Hayden Nichols took a deep breath, "I just thought—"
"Why didn't you ever visit me?" Nicky interrupted, hating herself for the way her voice shook as she asked the question. "You just left me in that apartment with that b*tch! You let her keep us apart."
"I thought you were better off," Hayden said quietly, "and don't call your mother a b*tch."
"Oh, fine," Nicky rolled her eyes, "because you were always so respectful of her, is that right?"
"Nicole, I wanted to visit you," Hayden said quietly, "but I was too afraid to face you. I'm not sure how much your mother has told you, but it wasn't all her fault."
"About the stewardess?" Nicky said bluntly, "I know all about that. I know about the cheating and you leaving her for that c**t, but not because Marka told me. I know because I had to live in the same apartment with you guys and I have ears."
"I never stopped loving you, Princess," Hayden said, reverting back to his old nickname for her, "and I should have tried harder to stay in your life. I'm sorry I didn't get to watch you grow up."
"Well, you certain missed a wild ride," Nicky said sarcastically, thinking about the hell she had put Marka through even before she had gotten into drugs. Nicky had never been an easy child, but her behaviour had certainly taken a dramatic turn for the worse after her father had left them.
"If I could do it all over again, I'd do things very differently," Hayden said quietly.
"Okay, please just shut the f*ck up now," Nicky hissed, her voice barely above a whisper, "I know bartenders always seem like they're just dying to hear about the woes and regrets of your life, but that is the last thing I want to hear coming out of your mouth. Are you hoping I'm going to feel sorry for you? Or that apologizing to the daughter you abandoned when she was thirteen years old is going to somehow make up for the fact that you are basically responsible for her getting addicted to heroin and spending the last five years in prison?"
"You went to prison?" Hayden exclaimed, "where the hell was your mother during all this?"
"For the most part, she was all cozied up with her new lover as well," Nicky said bluntly, "did you think she was going to let you have all the fun?"
"Nicole, if I had known," Hayden said, "I would have done something. I would have tried to help you with your problems."
Nicky scoffed as she dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse. "Little too late now, huh Dad?" she said throatily. She sniffled.
Hayden reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and held it out to Nicky. "There's your picture, Princess," he said thickly, and Nicky couldn't resist peering into his wallet at the old school picture of herself that had been taken in the eighth grade—not a good look for her. "Not a day went by that I didn't think about you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I just assumed by now that your mother had told you about Shelby and that you wouldn't want anything to do with me. She told me you would never forgive me for that. When you never reached out to me once you turned eighteen, I assumed she was right."
"Wait, who the f*ck is Shelby?" Nicky blinked. Hayden turned the picture of Nicky over to reveal an image of another girl who also appeared to have inherited Hayden's wild curls and light brown eyes. "Is that her?"
"Yes," Hayden said calmly, "Shelby is your half sister. She's twenty-two years old and she is about to graduate from Pre-Law at Harvard." Nicky couldn't miss the note of pride in her father's voice when he spoke about this other child that she had never known about. Nicky quickly did the math in her head.
"So, that's why you left us?" she said croakily, "because you knocked somebody up?"
"I didn't want to leave you," Hayden said, closing his wallet and placing it back into his pocket, "your mother kicked me out when I told her that Shelby was on the way."
"Well, for once in her life Mom did something that I can stand behind," Nicky said, swallowing the lump in her throat as she fought to keep her emotions under control, "and f*ck you for trying to play the victim card. It was easier for you to turn your back on us than to stick around and face the consequences of what you did. At least you can rest easy knowing you chose to stand by the perfect daughter that went to Harvard, instead of the junkie ex-con."
"There's still time, Princess," Hayden said slowly, "you're still my daughter. Maybe you and Shelby could meet sometime? You are family after all."
"None of you are my family," Nicky said heavily.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" Hayden asked quietly, "I just want to know that you are okay."
"Well then, you're lucky that you just happened to run into me totally by chance," Nicky said sarcastically, "I hope I've satisfied your curiosity. I am okay now, no thanks to you."
"You look beautiful," Hayden told her with a small chuckle, "I always thought your hair would tame itself when you grew up, but it seems to have gotten even wilder."
Nicky placed the drinks for her next table on a tray and motioned for the server who had been standing discreetly back, while Nicky and Hayden talked, to come forward and take it. "Can you go now?" she asked her father with a sigh, "I need to focus on work. You're slowing me down."
"What time do you finish tonight?" Hayden asked her as he got back up to his feet, "maybe we could go somewhere and talk?"
"No," Nicky shook her head in exasperation, "I don't think so."
"Well, I'm back living in New York full time now," Hayden told her, "so I won't be too far if you change your mind. I love you, Princess."
Nicky's reply was to turn her back on him and begin rearranging the bottles on the liquor stand. It was taking all her willpower not to break down, but she knew that she couldn't do that right now, not at work. She kept her head bowed and refused to talk to anybody as she tried to block everything else out from her mind as she made drinks and avoided looking into the dining room where she knew her father was.
She felt like her heart was going to break and she suddenly could remember how it felt to be the little abandoned child she had been when her father had stopped visiting and her mother had refused to talk about him. Nicky had felt a bubbling hatred for her mother for so long because she had believed that she was the reason her Dad didn't want to see her, but in a single sentence her father had shattered that misconception.
"Nicky, who was that handsome guy that you were talking to?" Piper asked brightly, walking over and taking a seat at the bar now that the rush was over.
"Dunno," Nicky said flatly, while she focused on washing out the used wine glasses and putting them away.
"He's very nice," Piper said, not noticing the grief-stricken look on her friend's face. "He gave me a very generous tip, and he asked me to give you this."
Nicky pursed her lips as she accepted the folded note that Piper handed her. She opened it very cautiously, as though afraid it might explode. Inside was a crisp $100 bill and on the piece of paper he had written out his telephone number. Nicky immediately began to tear the paper up into tiny pieces.
"What's wrong?" asked Piper, looking in amazement at the shredded pieces of paper that now littered the countertop.
"I don't want this money," Nicky said, handing it to Piper, "put it towards the cake, or the dress, or something else for the wedding."
"Why not?" asked Piper, taking the bill from Nicky's outstretched hand.
"I just don't," Nicky said stiffly.
Piper looked puzzled, but she nodded understandingly. "Are you still planning to come with us to pick out the cake tomorrow?"
"I don't know yet," Nicky said, "I'm not feeling very well and I'm worried I might be coming down with something. I'll see how I am in the morning."
"I really hope you come," Piper said, "it's not just choosing the flavour we want, we also need to decide on the look as well."
"I'll do my best," Nicky said, as she put away the final glass. She pulled the stopper out of the sink and hung her rag to dry. "I'm basically done here though," she said, motioning to the sparkling clean bar with everything put away, "do you mind covering for me so I can go home and have an early night?"
"Yeah, sure," Piper nodded, "I hope you feel better."
"Thanks," Nicky said brusquely, turning to head out the front door without another word. She couldn't have spent another minute in that place. It had taken every ounce of strength she had not to flee the moment she laid eyes on her father. Her brisk walk turned into a jog, and then a run, as she hurried home as quickly as she could. She got a stitch in her side but even that did not persuade her to stop running. She welcomed the physical pain, she was grateful for anything that would distract her from the emotions she was trying and failing to suppress.
She flung the door to her apartment open with a resounding bang and scooped Daisy up into her arms immediately as the dog charged at her in excitement. Kicking her shoes off, Nicky walked breathlessly through the apartment until she reached her bedroom and threw herself down onto the bed. She squeezed Daisy against her tightly as she finally permitted the tears she had been fighting to flow down her cheeks. She sputtered as she choked on loud and ugly sobs.
"Nicky?" Red said worriedly, appearing in the doorframe with concern etched into every line of her face. She had gone to bed hours ago and had awoken to the sound of Nicky crying which had immediately thrown her into a panic.
Nicky hugged her dog even tighter to her and kept crying. She couldn't stop for anything. She couldn't even calm herself down enough to acknowledge Red's presence.
"Darling girl, what's wrong?" Red asked. She swiftly walked over to the bed and sat down beside Nicky, placing her hands on Nicky's thighs and squeezing them soothingly. "Did somebody hurt you? Tell me what happened!" She looked completely petrified as she took in the heartbreaking sight of Nicky's hysterics.
Nicky just shook her head and couldn't stop crying. She leaned forward to rest her head against her shoulder, and Red immediately wrapped her arms around her girl, pulling Nicky and Daisy tightly against her. They stayed like that for a very long time. Red murmuring little nothings as she rubbed circles on Nicky's back and waited for her to calm down enough to tell her what all of this was about.
"I saw my Dad," Nicky said after a long while, "he came into the restaurant tonight."
"You did?" Red said in astonishment, pressing her cheek to Nicky's head. Red actually knew very little about the story of Nicky's father. Nicky could ramble for hours about Marka's many inequities, but she rarely mentioned her dad. It was strange that he had popped up tonight after she and Nicky had just been talking about him that afternoon. "You rarely speak of him," Red said softly.
"That's because he's been out of the picture for so long that he might as well not even exist," Nicky said, sniffling loudly, "I never thought he would just turn up like that."
"But you talked to him?" Red prompted. She reached for the elastic that was holding Nicky's ponytail and tugged at it so that Nicky's long curly hair came cascading freely down her back.
"Yeah," Nicky nodded, "he told me I have a half-sister. I must have been pretty thick to have never put that one together, huh?"
"You do?" Red asked in astonishment, "when did that happen?" She began running her finger's through Nicky's hair, gently untangling the locks while she waited for Nicky to answer her.
"Twenty-two years ago," Nicky said. She reached for the hand that Red was not using to play with her hair, and interlocked their fingers. "Can you believe that? Nobody ever told me. But that's why my mom and dad got divorced. She put up with him cheating for so long, but I guess a baby with somebody else was the final straw."
"Oh, baby girl…" Red murmured. She slid her hand out of Nicky's hair and began running it up and down the length of Nicky's arm.
"I just never thought I would feel sorry for my mother," Nicky said quietly, "I always blamed her for making him leave me. I didn't f*cking know any better."
"Well, you were just a child when your parents divorced," Red said quietly. A flicker of sadness marred her face when she heard Nicky speak of Marka as 'mom'. She had never heard Nicky speak of Marka with such compassion in her voice before. Red swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "You came to your conclusions based on the clues that you were given. You have no reason to feel guilty for being mistaken, honey. Your parents should have told you the truth."
"I think…in her own messed up way...my mom might have been trying to protect my feelings," Nicky said softly, "my dad told me that girl is graduating from Harvard. I'm sure she's superior to me in every other way too. Mom probably thought she was doing me a favour by keeping Dad from parading his new daughter around in front of me."
"I doubt it was her decision," Red said quietly, "if he had wanted to be honest than there would have been nothing she could have done about it. If you want to know for certain though, honey, Marka is the person you need to ask. Maybe you should give her a call in the morning?"
"I don't want to talk to her," Nicky shook her head, "at least not yet."
"Alright," Red nodded, squeezing Nicky's hand even more tightly, "you don't have to if you aren't ready. But let me make something very clear to you, honey. There is nobody better than you. I look at you and can't believe how lucky I was to get you. You are the funniest person I know, you're smart, you have a good heart, and you are a survivor, Nicky. Look at everything you have overcome. I couldn't be prouder of you."
"I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you," Nicky said emotionally, leaning into Red's embrace and savouring the loving kisses Red began planting along her hairline.
"Well, you don't need to worry about that because you do have me, and I'm not going anywhere," Red murmured, lifting their interwoven hands to her mouth for a kiss. Nicky sighed and squeezed Red's hand tightly.
"Are you hungry?" Red asked, "I could heat up some supper for you?"
Nicky shook her head no.
"Maybe you just need to get some sleep," Red murmured, tracing a heart with her fingertips on Nicky's cheek. She kissed Nicky's forehead. "Come get into bed with me. You didn't really want to sleep in here all alone after what happened tonight, did you?"
"I was trying not to wake you," Nicky said gruffly.
"Don't ever worry about that," Red said. She smoothed back Nicky's hair. "I'm going to go get you a glass of water, alright? You go crawl into bed and I'll be there in a minute." Nicky nodded and scurried off of the bed and across the hall to Red's room.
Red paused by Nicky's dresser to find pajamas for her to change into, and then she went into the kitchen to fetch the glass of water she had promised. She would never understand how the people that Nicky had been born to could treat her feelings as precariously as they did. She deserved so much better that the hand that had been dealt her. However, as Red walked into her bedroom and spied Nicky already lying in the bed with the two dogs, she had to smile at the understanding that Hayden and Marka Nichols' loss had been her gain.
"Is there any room for me in there?" she asked teasingly, as she handed Nicky the glass of water. Nicky gulped it down quickly as though she were dying of thirst. Her mouth was parched from the exertion of running all the way home from work.
"Oh, there's always room," Nicky smiled, as she handed Red back the glass, "we all just need to squeeze in together a little tightly. Good thing we like one another." Red chuckled and brushed Nicky's hair away from her face.
"I brought your pajamas," Red said, as she dropped them onto Nicky's lap. "Would you like me to go and get you another glass of water? You finished that one pretty quickly"
"No, thanks," said Nicky, unbuttoning her blouse and slipping out of her dress pants. She tossed them onto the floor beside the bed and then slipped on the long nightshirt that Red had brought her. She laid back down and Red pulled the covers up to Nicky's chest before walking around the bed and crawling in beside her.
Resting her head against Nicky's shoulder, Red curled her leg up so that it was overlapping Nicky's. She wrapped her arm across Nicky's waist and gave her a squeeze.
"Do you think you'll be able to sleep?" Red asked, bestowing a soft kiss to Nicky's pajama clad arm.
"Yeah," Nicky nodded, "I'm tired. I was supposed to go out with Brooke tonight and I completely forgot to call her and let her know I couldn't make it."
"Well, that's understandable after what happened at work," Red yawned, "if she gets upset about that than she's probably not worth your time anyway," She nestled in even closer to Nicky and within minutes had slipped back into the heavy sleep she had been enjoying before Nicky had woken her up.
It would take Nicky much longer to finally relax enough to fall asleep. Her mind continued to whirl with thoughts of what had happened tonight mixed in with the memories of the things that had happened before and after her parents' divorce. She wished she could say that it didn't matter to her, because she knew that it shouldn't. The mother that was currently sleeping cuddled up beside her loved her more than anyone could ever hope to be loved by a parent. Yet, the rejection of her father still felt like a stab to the heart. Try as she might, Nicky knew she just couldn't stop caring. If that were possible, she wouldn't have needed to depend on drugs for so long to help her forget. Sinking even deeper into her pillow, Nicky took a shuddering breath and closed her eyes. She tried to relax in the comfort of Red's warm body sleeping next to her, always so present and dependable. She tried to forget how alone she had felt when her father had walked out on her.