Hell Sings for Death!
Disclaimer: I Don't Own Grim Tales, Hellsing Ultimate, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, or anything else that shows up here.
REVIEW RESPONSE AT THE BOTTOM
Regular speak
Thoughts in Minds
Demonic or Animalistic Speak
Demonic or Animalistic Thoughts
"Huh, that's surprising. I was expecting there to be a bottle of Dragon's blood in here," Junior commented thoughtfully as he looked into Mandy's personal wine cabinet.
"Is that the latest rumor about me?" Mandy asked, uninterested as she sat on her bed with an open bottle of wine in one hand and a glass in the other.
"Actually, I think the latest involved something with a dickgirl in a SM hood behind a bookcase," Junior informed with a grin as he took a seat next to her.
"Who started that one?" Mandy asked curiously as she took a drink of wine, not batting an eye at the statement.
"Mindy," Junior answered, making Mandy stiffen while taking another drink.
"Now I know that's a lie," Mandy accused with a light glare.
"Oh? How's that?" Junior asked teasingly.
"...I'm starting to hate this new attitude," Mandy said with a twitching eyebrow.
"Ohhh, don't lie, I know I smelled your cunt drooling like Cerberus over a bone when you saw all that blood all over me," Junior countered playfully.
"Sooooo, you going to give me even a semi-plausible explanation for this change in character?" Mandy asked curiously as she poured herself another glass.
"Nope!" Junior cheered as he snatched the bottle of wine out of her hand, proceeding to lean back and guzzle it like a baby bottle.
"All you had to do was ask," Mandy said blankly as she pulled out another bottle of the same brand from under her bed before taking a sip of her own glass. "You do realize this might be a problem though, right?" She asked evenly with a raised eyebrow as Junior practically sucked out half the alcohol in his bottle.
"I have a full stomach, I enjoyed my walk, I had a visit with Lilith, I got a Big-Titted Ragdoll, and I'm having a drink with a MILF. Apart from lingering, bad aftertaste from that red guy, I can't see any problems in my unlife," Junior answered with a grin, licking the wine off his lips.
"I tried to keep the whole Reaper-Beast incident in Halloween Town under wraps. With this...walk of yours, it's going to be harder to maintain any secrecy. And then Devil only knows the things that will start coming after you if you keep doing stuff like that. Demons, Angels, Ghosts, Hunters, Gods even," Mandy pointed out, gauging his reaction.
"Sounds like an all you can eat buffet." Junior answered as his right hand's middle finger turned into a tentacle and wormed itself into the bottle, before opening up into a small mouth and drinking the alcohol.
Mandy raised an eyebrow at that, both the retort and action, but didn't comment, "Do you really think you're prepared for the shit you might get yourself into, Boy?" She asked in a challenging tone.
Junior chuckled at that as his grey and blue eyes turned into green, slit eyes, "In any other situation, you might have had a point. Except I've gone walking in Hell twice before today, I guarded an injured Minnie through two of Hells circles, and I am more prepared than you EVER were! So, in other words Mother? Your argument is invalid!" Junior responded with a growling snicker.
"You mess up my bed, you die," Mandy warned as she drowned the last of her glass and opened up the second bottle. "The only reason I haven't shot you yet is because I suspect you'd enjoy that," She added on with a snort.
"Whatever you say, Pinkie," Junior said with a grin as he removed his finger from the empty bottle and deNergalized it.
"Any particular reason why I should even allow you to continue these walks?" Mandy asked.
"Hmmm, well, I could start taking walks around the castle. Might have to get creative to stay entertained though, seeing how boring this place can get," Junior mused as he looked up and stroked his chin.
Mandy stared at her son for a good long minute after that, debating the meaning of that statement, 'Given what he's done in one walk? I can't tell if that is a subtle threat or him honestly musing,' She thought to herself in aggravation. "Fine, you can keep taking walks, but why should I let you keep doing them in Hell? It's only a matter of time before the complaints eventually start rolling in once the rulers of Hell realize exactly who is messing around down there. Not to mention if the Devil himself gets annoyed with you," She continued.
"I thought you would appreciate a good war," Junior retorted with a grin.
"Not one I can't win." Mandy retorted.
"Oh, I see. You're only game to fight if there's no risk involved for you." Junior accused with a smirk.
"Are you calling me a coward?" Mandy asked daringly.
"I'm just repeating what you're saying. If that's what it sounds like, maybe you should recheck what you're saying," Junior retorted.
Mandy sighed at that, not able to believe she was actually losing this argument to Junior, "Putting the danger you're getting yourself into aside, you're getting Minnie into trouble as well," She pointed out.
"Ohh, is the big bad Bitch Queen worried?" Junior asked teasingly.
"Do I need to put you in the dungeon?" Mandy asked, starting to get too annoyed.
"Kinky." Junior retorted without pause.
"...I walked right into that one," Mandy admitted with an almost amused sigh as she started to drink straight from the bottle.
"Yes, yes, you did." Junior said in a mock sympathetic tone as he patted her on the back. "As for Ragdoll? Eh, I think after everything she went through-getting ripped apart, sent to heaven, captured by an ex-cross-dressing lobsterman, finally sent back down here, and eaten by her own tentacle monster- you can probably treat her like an adult. Besides, she's got the body for it now," Junior pointed out.
"That's actually my next point. You do realize it's going to take her a while to be able to fight properly with that large of a rack, right?" Mandy asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Honestly? I was more worried about her being sad about not being able to be a ballerina due to the same reason. But you do raise a point. A point that I am passing the buck on, to you," Junior said bluntly.
"Why should I?" Mandy asked curiously.
"Because you're a formal mortal assassin- or, I'm assuming that you didn't rely on your immortality before becoming the Queen Bitch," Junior said with a shrug.
"...I think you got that backwards," Mandy said with a twitching eyebrow.
Junior shrugged, "Either way, you're the best person above Hell to teach Ragdoll how to fight with large cargo to worry about and no powers," He pointed out in an entirely obvious tone.
Mandy blinked, twice, before she collected her thoughts, "...That is...surprisingly well thought-out, if crassly put," She admitted.
"Despite claims to the contrary, I'm not an idiot," Junior said with a smirk as a pregnant pause came over both of them, "Well, this is getting boring," He said with a sigh.
"Was there even a reason you came with me or did you want to get drunk and annoy me?" Mandy asked curiously.
"I wish I was drunk. This stuff isn't doing anything for me," Junior said with a pout as he laid his chin over the open top of the empty bottle, "But, yeah, I did have a reason, beyond the obvious," He answered with a shrug.
"What's the obvious?" Mandy asked with a raised eyebrow. Junior gave her a blank look. A completely blank look. It was the same look that she always gave Grim or Billy when they were being stupid beyond all logic and reason. She didn't like getting that look. At all. "...Stop it," Mandy murmured after two solid minutes of The Stare.
"We're drinking, in your bedroom, on your bed," He said flatly.
"It's going to take a lot more than killing fifteen dozen demons in one night to get in my pants," Mandy informed, just as flatly.
"Challenge accepted," Junior retorted.
"...I might start to like this attitude after all," Mandy said in a curious tone. "Be nice having a reaper with a more consistent spine around anyway," She added on with a shrug.
"Eh, I think Dad's spine has been healing up ever since you married him. Seriously, your cunt-honey some kind of poison that slowly heals reapers?" Junior asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm not even going to respond to that," Mandy said in finality, shaking her head lightly, "Also...what was the other reason?" She asked, changing the subject.
"What else? I wanted to make sure the Ragdoll got a sexy wardrobe!" Junior said with a smirk.
"Seriously?" Mandy asked, getting a proud nod, "Why?"
"Well, if she's going to be taking walks wi-" Junior started.
"No, I mean why did you have to make sure?" Mandy asked with a raised eyebrow, gesturing to her normal attire as Queen of the Underworld, "I dress like this on a normal basis, what makes you think my daughter is getting anything less appealing?" She pointed out.
Junior blinked before grinning, "Well, for the first time today, you have a point. Still, if she is going to be walking with me, I'd like some input," He answered perversely.
"Sure, but most of the outfits will take a while, given how every I have currently is two sizes too small for her." Mandy pointed out with a shrug, "What was the point of that, really? Did you just want to one up me through Minnie?" Mandy asked with a light glare- light for her anyway.
"Technically, I two upped you, twice at that." Junior retorted with a smirk, "And speaking of those Fuck-Sized Cups; You know how to make breast plate armor that jiggles?" He asked, curious and hopeful.
"What makes you even think that exists?" Mandy asked with a raised eyebrow.
Once again, Junior gave her The Stare, condemning her intelligence to an abysss beyond Hell for making such an absurd inquiry, and making her feel like she was as stupid as Billy. It was even more unpleasant the second time. "Mother, what part of "I. Got. Favors. From. Lilith."do you not understand?" Junior asked slowly, as if talking to a child.
Mandy gave an awkward cough at that; If she had been any less of a bitch, she would have blushed right then and there, "One of these days, you are going to explain that to me in detail...explicit detail."
"Do I get a gun if I write it down for you?" Junior asked with a chuckle.
"Yes," Mandy answered instantly.
Junior blinked and looked at his mother with wide eyes as she stared intently into his, "...I was joking," He pointed out, his green eyes turning back into their regular heterochromatic colorings from pure surprise.
"I wasn't," Mandy retorted seriously.
Mother and Son starred at each other for a long time, as if daring each other to make the next move...
*KNOCK*KNOCK*
"Saved by the bell," Mandy murmured before calling to the person outside, "Enter."
"Umm, Mother? Brother? Tis be a bad time?" Minnie asked uncertainly as she stuck her head in through the door.
"No, no, it's fine," Junior assured with a grin. "We were just talking about your breas-Ow," He added on with a grin, only for Mandy to slam her nearly-empty bottle into Junior's head, shattering it on impact.
"What is it?" Mandy asked simply and directly.
Minnie blushed nervously as she kept struggling to keep her gaze off the floor, "Ummm, Mother? Doth thou hath any undergarments I might borrow? Mine are...lacking in quantity to properly cloth me," Minnie requested.
"..." Mandy just sat there for a moment, not reacting at all.
"Mother?" Minnie called curiously.
"I was waiting to see if he would make a commando joke," Mandy explained, pointing to Junior as Minnie blushed again.
"No, I already made one back in Hell. I try not to use the same joke too many times in one day," Junior explained.
"I'm sure. As for my underwear, help yourself," Mandy answered, waving to her drawer, "Though, I'm not sure I have anything that can handle your breasts," She warned.
"Well, not many dickable-sized bras can handle fuck-sized funbags," Junior reasoned thoughtfully, blinking as he heard a click. He turned in time to Mandy aiming a gun to his forehead...
*BANG!*
...before he flew off the bed and fell to the floor with a bullet in his head.
"Mother!" Minnie yelled as she gapped in shock, Mandy just casually blowing the smoke off her gun's tip, "Why...How...You-!" Minnie started, unable to form words as she rushed to kneel at his side.
"Relax, he's already undead. It'll take more than a bullet to the head to kill him," Mandy assured apathetically.
"Mother, he's not moving! The wound isn't healing!" Minnie yelled as the green blood started to pool over the floor.
"He's just trying to mes-"
"Brother!" Minnie yelled in despair as Mandy snapped her head around to see Junior's skin dissolving away to show just bones with one grey eye. Minnie started to yell in Nergal tongue as she desperately hugged Junior's skeletal body to her breasts, Mandy slowly turning to approach them, starring down at Junior's unmoving body.
'Did...Did I have anti-demon bullets in that clip?' Mandy asked herself numbly, 'I...Did I?...I didn't...'
"Brother...please wake up," Minnie begged as she lowered her head while Mandy slowly brought up her gun to examine it...only to blink and catch the mangled bullet that came flying to her head with her free hand.
"That was actually my first bullet wound," Junior commented idly as he rubbed his head, his skin rippling back into existence.
"Brother!" Minnie yelled in happiness before sighing in relief...and pulling him back to rapidly smack him back and forth across the face with tears in her eyes, "Never play such a cruel and foul jest upon us again!" She ordered angrily.
"...I deserved that," Junior admitted with a shrug after Minnie had stopped and released him, "Ahh, yes, those Funbags were definitely worth that favor," Junior said appraisingly as Minnie glared at him, slapping him upside the head once more.
Mandy just sighed and lowered her gun, "In case you forgot, Minnie, your brother here is a Reaper-"
"Demon-Reaper," Junior corrected offhandedly.
"Whatever," Mandy said with an eye roll, "Either way, just because he's got flesh and blood now doesn't mean he's any more mortal than before," Mandy continued, pretending to have not been worried about her jackass of a son.
"A-aye, Mother, I apologize for mine outburst. I am...still in shock over many of the happenings of mine brother that I have laid witness to on this day...I am still in the process of acknowledging the reality of some of them," Minnie apologized meekly as she rose from her knees.
"I've already pinched her several times just to remind her she's not dreaming," Junior added with a grin.
"In a handful of places not meant for pinching," Minnie murmured with a scarlet blush.
Mandy sat there with a twitching eyebrow before she sighed and closed her eyes, "Junior, this isn't a request. Take a walk, NOW!" Mandy ordered, not even looking at him.
"Happily, Your Majesty!" Junior cheered with a maniacal grin and green slit eyes as he ran out the door.
"I'm going to regret that in a few hours, I just know it," Mandy said with a sigh as she sat on the bed before blinking as she found a note next to her. She raised an eyebrow as she saw the title: List of Outfits to get Ragdoll. While the card was small, there were still over two dozen listed, "Now, Minnie, about your new wardrobe?" Mandy called, using the card to hide the smirk from Minnie...
Omake
Junior grinned as he appeared in...Seriously? You picked the land of Milk and Honey for this?
"Hey, I got to have some backup leverage for when I run into Mimi again," He reasoned with a shrug before grinning at the fourth wall, "Hello fuckers! Today I'm here to answer some reviews. Why? Because Grim Tales has such a small fanbase that the Author rarely ever gets double digit reviews per chapter, so it's easy to do this without taking too much story space. That's not an insult to you guys and gals, that's just a numberical fact," Junior explained.
It's numerical, not numberical.
"Really don't give a flying fuck AK," Junior said bluntly, flipping the Author the bird. "And speaking of flying fucks, let's start with DPSS's review!" He cheered and smirked wickedly as he read it, "Why am I like this? Oh, I don't know. Fame, notoriety, a desire to stand out from the crowd?...A wicked sense of humor," Junior answered with a cackle.
You so stole that from Arkham Asylum.
"So? You're the one who talked about putting me IN Arkham Asylum- both the place and the game," Junior countered with a grin, "As for tariqbate's "I LOVE IT!"? Thanks! I might love you too if you're a girl!" He joked grin.
Stop flirting with the fans and get on with it!
"Ohh, shut it! I'm getting to it. Now, onto Wanderer21...That reminds me, I got to meet the sexy versions of the Colossi from Shadow of the Colossus!" Junior remembered, licking his lips lustfully, "As for a Casanova version of Junior...Isn't that kind of what I am already?" Junior asked curiously.
Well, you're less Casanova and more "crazy that gets laid". I think he means more like a smooth playboy and less like Son of Joker.
"Ahh, point taken. Well, the Author has a lot of ideas, so who knows?" Junior said with a shrug, "Now, onto one of our oldest and most faithful reviewers, Nightmaster000! Lemons. Off screen? They're a given. On screen? So-so," Junior assured, "Don't worry, you'll get plenty of pervy goodness in either case! Now for another faithful, Detrametal."
I'd just like to say thanks to this one.
"Hehe, I think that's the first time anyone called AK a God." Junior said with a chuckle, "And I hope to keep making you laugh, stare in shock with jaw on the floor, or leaving you all like I do many people- shocked and confused. And in women's cases, strangely aroused." Junior said proudly.
Stop. Flirting! I'm pretty sure 99.9% of GT fans are guys!
Junior sighed, "Unfortunately, you're probably right. Anyway, onto a new revie- Wow that's a big one! I knew Kenju and coldblue made big reviews, but wasn't expecting a new guy with a long review!" Junior said with wide eyes.
You complaining? Cause I'm not!
"Nope, just surprised I drew out any new fans." Junior said with a shrug, "Now, Mister Zyber Elthone, I'm currently in the process of getting a Tumblr account. I'm thinking of going with Reaping Fucker, but if we might come up with something else- not many badass nicknames for a Reaper. Plus, Reaping Fucker is just fun to say!" Junior commented with a shrug and a grin, "As for Mimi? Well, I've prepared for her- or I hope so at least. Though, I wouldn't mind if me and her...tore up a room together," Junior mused with a smirk, "As for Chi? Don't know who that is yet. If she's Mimi's girlfriend, I hope I can work a threesome in! And the author would like me to remind you that my universe is not an exact copy-paste of Hellsing Ultimate Abridged- they just have similar events sometimes." Junior explained with another shrug.
Well, only one left. Kenju...
"..."
...
"...Kenju, you are a fucking blasphemer for not watching Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, let alone not doing it before reading this," Junior said bluntly before sighing, "Okay, got that out of my system. I'm glad this entertained you a bit. As for Red Guy? I'm going to spend all week trying to get rid of the taste of his soul. And yes, he does make HIM seem evil in comparison. All things are relative. As for Minnie's form...I and the Auther may or may not have been inspired by the April fools page, yes," Junior answered, not making eye contact with the wall and grinning impishly, "And yes, my tentacles were involved with Lilith. The details are for you all and my mother to torment your minds over trying to figure out! And don't bring Shinji Ikari into this! Just...just don't. Please. Hope to see ya next time ya Blasphemous Fucktard!"
End of Reviews
You HAD to end it on that note, didn't you?
"If he watches Ultimate Abridged, I might consider changing his name," Junior answered simply.
You...you're going to give nicknames to all my reviewers, aren't you? -.-;
"Maybe," Junior acknowledged with a shrug, "So, anything else before we wrap this up?"
How about the Meeting of the Juniors?
"Ohh, right! People, me and several other version of me, published and unpublished, will be having meetings over in the Grim Tales Prompts and Oneshots story-collection! I'm not sure who all will be there, but I know I will be and so with Raging Demon-Reaper Junior! So come watch the chaos bitches!" Junior announced, "Speaking of Chaos, I need to go bone a few goddesses," Junior mused idly.
Keep on track, we're almost done.
"Right, Right. Well, the author seems to enjoy writing me so much, he thinking about doing spinoff with me. Like me taking Batman's place in the Arkham Asylum Game."
Or you taking Joker's and Mandy taking Batman's.
"She can try and lock me up anytime," Junior said, making a lustful growl as he shivered in delight.
You are by far the freakiest Junior I have ever written.
"And that's why you love writing me! Well, I hope you all enjoyed this and I hope everyone gets laid tonight!" Junior cheered, "Oh and everyone thank the Beta being the Author's Grammar Nazi!" He added on with a grin, "Now, all of you leave, I need to take a leak in this river of honey. Yes, I'm an ass, deal with it! Now unless you're a chick, buzz off!"
Will Junior ever get into Mandy's pants? Is he prepared for Mimi? What outfits will Minnie have to endure? What will happen on his next walk?(No, the land of Honey isn't his walk) And should Junior be in Arkham Asylum? And I mean that last question in every way it can be asked.
P.S. The "We were talking about your breasts" line is from an anime series, The Ambitions of Oda Nobuna, that I am also debating putting this or canon Junior into for the hell of it. Or dragging the girls from there into GT, either way.
P.S.S. I am considering doing this "Characters answer the reviews" for the rest of my GT series. That is all.