Hell Sings for Death!
Disclaimer: I Don't Own Grim Tales, Hellsing Ultimate, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, or anything else that shows up here.
REVIEW RESPONSE AT THE BOTTOM
AN: A lot of Dante's Inferno stuff for Hell, but I'm adding stuff from other universe and some of my own bits here and there.
Today, I Snacked, IN LIMBO!
The landscape of Hell is never a welcoming one, no matter what circle it is. On the burnt shores of the river Acheron, the very edge of Hell, resides the souls of the Angels that chose neither side in the rebellion and the souls of mortals who did equal amounts of good with their evil. They were doomed to remain here, never to be claimed by heaven nor hell. Also here were the freshly damned, falling from the dark clouds like rain, unwillingly waiting to be taken on the journey down the river, to their final damnations, by the boatman Charon...
"I'm back, bitches!" Junior cheered with a wide grin as he jumped out of a portal and landed on the deck of Charon's large ship, the demonic crew looking at him briefly in shock before looking relieved that they weren't being attacked and paling over who it was.
"Back already, Grim?" Charon asked darkly from up on the stern, looking down through his own hooded cloak at the boy.
"Hey Ron!" Junior greeted with a toothy grin and his green, slit eyes glinting as he jumped up to the railing, "You should really think about a new wardrobe. My old man pretty much has that look trademarked. He might sue you," Junior warned, sounding completely serious.
"Why is it you keep using my boat to get into Limbo?" Charon asked in annoyance, glaring at the terror of a child.
Junior tilted his head in mock confusion, "That's obvious, Ron. If I swam in the river, I'd never get out. I'd just stay there eating all the souls floating about, and drinking everything else in the process, until the river ran dry, and then no more boat rides for anyone," He explained simply.
"That's not what I...never mind," Charon said, giving up with a sigh, "I take it Lilith...fixed up your ragdoll?" He asked, begrudgingly making conversation.
Junior grinned at that, spinning around to sit on the railing, kicking his legs back and forth, "Oh, yeah and gave her upgrades too! A height extension, two fuck-sized breasts, and one Tartarus of an ass sweetening! I'm talking 'jelly-filled donut with cake icing, Coolwhip sprayed on, sprinkled with chocolate chips, and a cherry on top' kind of sweet!" He explained lecherous, licking his lips.
"Grim, don't tease the damned," Charon scolded, pointing down to the latch of metal bars that showed the interior of the ship, where the souls were kept in cramped corners while they were taken across the river, screaming and begging for mercy and forgiveness the entire way. Currently, they were now all groaning hungrily, or lustfully, over Junior's choice of words, "They're already annoying enough when they're trying to convince me that them being here is a mistake, let alone begging me for a last meal or something," Charon explained.
"...Can I borrow your ship and a shipment of souls for a few hours?" Junior requested.
"I don't know what you're thinking, but the answer is no," Charon answered, quickly and warningly.
"I promise to bring it back in one piece!" Junior assured with a grin.
"The answer is still no," Charon retorted, turning away to head back to the wheel.
"And I still promise to bring it back in one piece." Junior repeated mischievously, Charon stopping dead in his tracks.
"...You're going to steal my ship, aren't you?" Charon asked blankly, almost resigning himself to the fact. He raised an eyebrow at the lack of answer, or even a chuckle, prompting him to turn around and find the hybrid no longer there, "Reaper?" He called, looking around curiously.
"It's Demon-Reaper!" Junior yelled, Charon's head shooting up to seem him at the top of the mast, hanging off the vacant flagpole as a half-dozen scythacles shot out of his right arm to grab a soul out of mid-air, having fallen from the black skies above, before starting to actually eat it, the soul screaming in terror and agony as blood dripped down onto the ship, "Ahh, this is why I love Hell. It's like Chewandswallow for me: Everywhere I go, it's raining snacks!" He declared with a happy sigh as he grabbed another out of the air, "Ohh, this one's a heretic! Tasty!"
"Boss, why do we put up with him?" The Minotaur at the steering wheel asked curiously as the boy went on snacking.
"Because the first and only time we tried to get rid of him, he ate half of the damned souls loaded on board while keelhauling the rest, after he locked us in the brig," Charon explained with a twitching eyebrow.
"Was I sick that day?" The Minotaur asked, scratching his nostril in confusion.
An undead and midget-sized monkey-man leapt up to the stern, "Naw, Max. That was the day you got left behind. Remember, you found a spider demoness that tried to eat you the morning after?" He reminded with a grin.
"Ahh, right, thanks for reminding me Jack." Max the Minotaur said sarcastically, "I still got the bite marks..."
"You should probably have that looked at," Junior said, wiping off his face as he jumped down and landed on the stern railing next to Jack, making the monkey jump and fall backwards onto the deck.
"I'm alight! Just snapped my neck!" Jack assured, cracking it back into place," Ahh, that's better."
"And when was the last time this thing got proper maintenance?" Junior asked curiously, feeling the wood creek under his feet.
"We can be very cheap down here in Hell," Charon admitted, sounding legitimately depressed about that, the various hellions manning the ship nodding to themselves in agreement as Max patted his captain's back in sympathy.
Junior hummed as he jumped down to the deck, landing on his feet, "Huh, that's too bad. Mom never has trouble spending money on stuff she finds important. And if she were in charge down here, I'm pretty sure she'd find this boat important," He mused absently.
"I'm not helping you make your mother Queen of Hell just to get my boat fixed," Charon said blankly as they approached the shores of Limbo.
"Pft! Like I'd help that bitch take these pits!" Junior retorted with a smirk as he ran to the front of the boat, "This is my playground! She can keep her tight, sexy ass up in the Underworld!" He declared as he ran up the bowsprit, jumping off and using his scythacles to grapple up onto a broken-ended walk way.
"I hate that boy," Charon said with a sigh.
"Ahh, good old Hell. Charon's boat may look like shit, but this crumbling look really works for the Pit itself," He said fondly before chuckling. "Well, that and Old Scratch has the sinners do all the labor to repair the place, just to add salt to the wounds," He mused, whistling as he made his walk through Limbo, thunder and wind in the air- not Lustful winds, but a good breeze all the same, 'Huh, now that I think about it, the wind here is probably just the died-down winds from the second circle,' He mused thoughtfully
"You shouldn't talk so disrespectfully of The Devil down here, boy," A voice called. Junior smirked as he perceived a female soul kneeling on the walk way, naked and a bit withered, but still decidedly feminine, "The demons don't take kindly to it...," She warned.
"Good, then I have an easy way to provoke a banquet, Electra," He retorted simply, grinning toothily as her eyes widened.
"Who are you, child?" She asked, fear in her voice.
"I, Miss Matricide, am Grim Reaper Junior, The Fuckmothering Demon-Reaper. Devourer of Afterlives, Souls, and Women," He introduced, sprouting his scythacles and axe tail.
"...You are too young to know the ways of the flesh," She said blandly.
"Really? Out of all of that to nitpick, you pick the part about my sex life?" He asked with a chuckle as the scythacles retracted, but the tail remained, "In any case, I just had a snack, so you're in luck."
"Luck? How is it luck to remain here, in this place, for avenging my father's murder?" Electra asked bitterly.
"Hmmmm, I may be back for you later," Junior informed thoughtfully as he walked off, heading up the winding tower. He didn't even look surprised as he passed a group of Unbaptized babies, with blades for arms, tearing into the corpse of a minion, nibbling on the meat, "Awww, you guys are adorable," He said with a grin as he passed by and his tail swatted them over the edge, sending them screaming into the mist below, "Oops, sorry! My bad!" He called over the edge before looking up, seeing Minos in the distance, tinkering with the spiked wheel he used to send the damned down to further circles, "Hey, Orochi! Your spinner broke again?!" He called over to the Judge.
"Oh, shut it you gluttonous, Ammit wannabe! My tail isn't what it used to be!" Minos yelled back in aggravation, the sharp device suddenly spinning and cutting his finger, "Son of a Mare!"
"Ohh, don't be like that, Judge!" Junior called playfully, "It's not my fault your brain is still all fucked up!" He countered, ducking as a large piece of stone went flying over his head, "But your aim is as good as ever," He muttered in praise as the stone fell out of its hole and down into the pits below, "Huh, maybe he's still mad about last time when I ate all those souls before he could judge them," He mused as he continued strolling up the tower.
"Hey, brat! Who are you!? You're not supposed to be up here!" A guardian demon called as Junior approached a door near the top of the building. Guardian demons were humanoid demons with goat legs, large horns and black fur who normally wielded a large axe. Their heads came in various animal shapes though. The most common was human followed by goat, which this loudmouth had. They were a bit higher up the food chain than the average demon. Currently, there were six of them with three times as many minions jumping about, all on the walk way, "Get back down there with the rest of the damned!" The guardian captain, wearing a golden helmet unlike the rest, ordered with a glare.
"Lot of security for one of Limbo's towers," Junior commented idly, ignoring the small horde, "I wondered what old Luci has hidden up here?" He asked out loud.
"You pest! We'll rip out your insolent tongue for speaking of his Unholiness in such away!" A human-faced Guardian yelled as he and half the minions charged forward with their weapons held high. Every weapon hit their target, the daggers of the minions slicing into his small torso, stomach, arms, and legs while the guardian's axe slammed halfway into his head. They started to grin and chuckle sickly at the boy's mutilated body. However, the guardian's stomach turned as he realized something was wrong...the blood was green instead of red.
"No dice!" Junior exclaimed as countless scythacles came out of his back while his right arm turned into large Nergal tentacles, all instantly ripping into the twenty enemies attacking him. With a small grunt, he pulled out the axe from his head, even as the minions and guardian screamed in terror and agony, begging him to stop as he started to tear out their souls with the scythes and feeding them to the large mouth that formed on his right arm-tentacle, leaving a mangled mess of bodies in front of him.
"Wha-! You're no human!" The guardian captain roared in shock and anger, "And no Hellion would speak so crassly of The Devil. You must be one of those Underworldian bastards!" He snapped hatefully.
"Correct-amundo!" Junior answered as his skull fully healed, "Now, be a good little boy and run off to Mama Lucy and Daddy Minos before you hurt yourself," He said dismissively, as if talking to a pack of children.
"I'm going to enjoy ripping you apart, Sheolic Rat!" The captain sneered as the remaining demons prepared to fight him.
Junior shrugged at that, "Have it your way," He commented, slamming his tentacle arm down on the walk way before de-Nergalizing it, making a large chunk of it start to crumble. Junior casually jumped onto the wall, holding on it with claws on his hands and feet, as it fell away with his enemies on it, crashing down two flights down. Junior had the scythacles in his back shoot down and pierce through all of the demons, except for the captain and two minions. Though, Junior did swipe the helmet, "Sweet, bonus item," He joked to himself as he pulled up the goat-shaped helmet and put it in his ribcage.
"You brat, I'll get you for this!" The captain yelled up at Junior from far below.
"Hey, buddy? I wouldn't stand there," Junior warned offhandedly, turning around and using some tentacles to stab into the wall from his back to keep himself suspended, "These corpses I have strung up are leaking a LOT of blood," He pointed out.
"What's your point?!" The captain asked with rage in his voice.
"How about the hundreds of hungry, unbaptized babes coming your way for a fresh snack?" Junior asked as the clinking and clanking of many blades on stone got very loud very quickly.
"...Oh Devil save me," The captain said in despair, he and the minions now weaponless as the babes, crammed tight on the walkway with many falling off the edge ran straight at them from both sides.
Junior hummed as he listened to their screams of agony as the babes piled on top of them to slice up their flesh and eat it, "Geez, it still surprises me how much the demons in the Underworld and Hell can still hate each other so much. It's almost been three thousand years," He mused absently before shrugging as he started to eat a minion's body. "Oh well, that just means more souls for me to eat. Hmmm, and the meat don't taste half bad either," He commented, blinking as he looked down and saw the babes were now trying to jump up at the dangling corpses.
With a shrug, he dropped all but four of them, keeping the souls but not the bodies. The corpses fell onto the horde of demonic infants, sending many of the young damned over the side, "Wow, these kids have horrid luck around me for some reason," He commented as he crawled over to the large, iron, slide-up door. With some effort, he pushed it upwards and flung the remaining bodies in before jumping in as well.
Leaving the corpses of minions in the corner, he hummed a little tune as he examined the room. It was a large, circular room that almost reminded Junior of a lighthouse, except it had no windows. In the middle of it was a circular platform with four metal rods on the edges. In between them was a small, purple rift, "Now what do we have here? A quick-portal to the Circle of Lust?" Junior wondered as he jumped up and looked into the portal, blinking at what he saw inside. "...Huh, and here I thought I wouldn't see them for a few more days," He commented before turning around to his...snacks, "Well, best not let these go to waste before I get my Hellcat," He said with a wicked grin as his eyes glowed green...
Timeskip- Two Hours Later, Grimskull
Mandy sighed contentedly as she sat on the balcony, drinking a glass of wine, having thoroughly embarrassed Minnie with several very risky outfits that barely qualified as clothes, 'Oh, I needed that to unwind. Watching my daughter blush and stammer over the idea of wearing a Slave Leia getup, the skimpier of Tameranian clothes, or a Fifth Element bandage outfit...ahh, few better joys as a mother than embarrassing your daughter,' She thought in her own 'special' brand of joy. While this may seem strange for her, it was mostly because the activity helped cure the growing headache Junior's new behavior had caused, 'Maybe Junior will get lost down there,' She thought, a bit hopefully...
And that was when the terminal in the bedroom went off, "I could...almost feel that coming," Mandy commented with a twitching eyebrow as she rose from her seat and headed to her terminal, "What is it Charles? Is Junior back already?" She asked in annoyance.
"Umm, no Ma'am. There's an intruder in the courtyard," Charles answered uneasily.
"That's it? One intruder? Why are you calling me?" Mandy asked, annoyed.
"Well...it's Mimi, the Daughter of HIM, and..." Charles started, scratching the back of his head.
"And?" Mandy asked impatiently.
"...Honestly, Ma'am? She's not doing anything. She's just sitting in the courtyard, playing on her IPhone," Charles explained awkwardly.
"...Her IPhone?" Mandy asked blankly.
"Angry Birds, I believe," Charles elaborated needlessly.
"Why haven't you captured her already?" Mandy asked, annoyed.
"Well...every time we try, she just jumps out of the way...without ever looking away from the game," Charles explained, "I believe she is "In the zone" as they say," He added on, again, needlessly.
"I don't care if she's in the goddamn Twilight Zone!" Mandy snapped, startling her captain, before taking a deep breath. "I'll be down in a moment. And Charles? Stop staring at my breasts when you're giving me reports," She snapped, turning off the monitor and heading to her closet, "A queen can't even sit for five minutes in the nude, on her own balcony, without something coming up...," She murmured in annoyance.
Mimi, meanwhile, was sitting peacefully as she continued her game of launching birds at pigs, using her tail in lieu of fingers. By now, the guards had given up on catching her and were now huddling behind her to watch her play.
"Wow, this girl is really good," One of the skeletal guards said.
"Can someone tell me why the birds are angry, and what pigs have to do with it?" Another one asked, having never played the game.
"Well, its basic-" Yet another started, only to gulp as he noticed the Queen coming, "We're in trouble!" He informed, making them all turn in shock, making way for Mandy and standing at attention as she ignored them, strolled up to Mimi, and put a gun to her head.
"So, is there a reason I shouldn't kill you?" She asked bluntly, cocking the gun.
Mimi, never taking her eyes of the game, used one claw to pull an acme-styled sign out of nowhere, with a single word written on it: Junior.
"Of fucking course. What'd he do now, buy you off of your father?" Mandy asked with a sigh.
Mimi flipped the sign around, revealing another word: Yes.
"Right, no-" Mandy blinked as that registered, "Wait, what?" She asked in shock.
Mimi turned off the game suddenly and flipped her sign around a third time to reveal new words: Look uuuuuuup~! :p
Mandy did as the sign said, staring blankly as she saw a dot in the red sky that was steadily getting bigger. She hummed before taking five steps back, very calmly, and waited five seconds before the familiar corpse of a large spider fell right onto the guards that had been watching Mimi. The impact seemed to make Mimi bounce off the ground, and land right into arms of Junior, bridal style, who was sitting on the back of the giant arachnid, which Mandy also noticed was headless.
"Mommy! We're home!" Junior cheered with a grin, chuckling as Mimi licked his face, "And look what I brought home with me!"
Mimi, keeping an ever blank face, now held the sign with her tail and flipped it yet again: Yeppie! Master's here! Can he keep me, Queenie, can he?! ^/^
"..." Mandy stared for five solid minutes blinking before shaking it off, "I don't even know where to begin...but how about WHY Jeff is dead?" Mandy asked evenly, a bit curious on that bit.
"He was like this when I found him," Junior answered simply, "Speaking of which..." He added as two tentacles in his back lifted up and showed both Jeff's severed head and Jeff's disembodied soul, sleeping in a cage, "Huh, must have fallen asleep. Oh well," Junior mused with a shrug, making Mimi bounce in his arms lightly. "Oh, yeah. Well, I'd introduce you two, but you seem to already be getting acquainted before I got here," Junior murmured.
"That's my next question. WHY are they here at all? Did you help them escape? Because I'm not hiding them for you," Mandy said bluntly with a glare.
"Reel it back in, Sweet Cheeks. I didn't steal anything from Lobsterman, this time," Junior assured.
"...Oh my devil," Mandy commented as she face-palmed in exasperation, "You made a deal with HIM to get them, didn't you?" She asked plainly, feeling her headache returning tenfold.
"Yep. I got the better end of the deal in my opinion," Junior answered with a grin, Mimi burying her head into his neck and flipping the sign: Purrrrrrr. Purrrrrr. Purrrr.
"Okay, WHY were you even near HIM? I thought you were going off down to Hell for a walk, not around the Underworld?" Mandy asked, preparing herself for this clusterfuck.
"Well, I was just strolling through Limbo like a boss, minding my own business, not knocking babies off cliffs or anything like that, when I found a room up on one of the towers with a portal to the OTHER Limbo- Seriously, you guys have got to stop using the same names, it's bad enough we both have a Malebolge," Junior commented, pausing as Mandy raised her gun at him.
"Cut the bullshit, tell me what happened in the other Limbo," Mandy ordered in annoyance, her brow twitching.
"Fine! Geez, cool your Dickable Cannons!" Junior ordered, Mimi smirking as she switched the sign yet again: Roflmao! ^o^ "Anyway, I grabbed a bite to eat real quick, and then jumped through to have a chat with our favorite neighborhood Lobsterman..."
Flashback, in the other Limbo
HIM glared down at his silently weeping daughter, in a white straightjacket, as she stared at the severed head of Jeff the Spider, "Jeff's betrayal nearly cost me and I am in need of a replacement," He informed in a cold, angry voice, holding up his stump for effect, "I am granting you a chance to 'redeem' yourself to me. Do this and all will be forgiven. I will even get you that tricycle you wanted so much," He offered cruelly as he leaned down to grasp her chin, "See Mimi? Am I not merciful?" He asked evenly, glaring as she continued to silently weep, "AM I NOT MERCIFUL?!" He yelled in her face. Mimi glared, about to bite him...
"Wow, cool your panties Emperor Lobsterman," A familiar voice called playfully, making everyone, even Jeff's soul that was now trapped in a small cage, slowly turn in surprise to the intruder. Not one of them wasn't shocked by the sight of Grim Reaper Junior, with slit green eyes, sitting on top of the nearby swing set with a grin on his face as he munched on the small, severed arm of a minion, "Hey Reds, how goes the child abuse?" He asked playfully, "Anyone want the rest of this arm before I eat it?"
"Grim Junior?" HIM asked, unable to hide his surprise at the sight of the boy, "How the Hell did you get back here?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Through Hell, actually," Junior explained offhandedly, turning to the soul of Jeff, "Sorry I'm late, Spidey, I stopped for a snack. Didn't think he'd behead you," He apologized with a shrug, "At least you can say you lost weight."
"Junior, you have to get out of here, now!" Jeff warned, his eyes wide in alarm and fear for the boy.
"Relax, Spidey. Just start thinking about whether you want to be a cyborg, zombie, or zombie cyborg," Junior assured casually before turning back to HIM, "Now, Lobsterman, I believe we have something to discuss."
"Like what I'm going to do with your soul?" HIM asked dangerously. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was actually a bit worried. There was something very different about Junior's soul now, 'Barely a week ago, he was just a bright, caring reaper-boy with sibling jealousy issues. Now...his entire soul feels like a ball of insanity, and Devil knows how much Sin!' He thought to himself, 'And he reeks of blood, too much blood. How can one boy do so much in less than seven days?!' He asked himself, going wide eyed as Junior sprouted no less than one hundred scythacles from his back.
"Actually, it's about Hellcat," Junior answered with a grin.
"Who?" HIM asked, keeping his eyes on the scythe-tipped tentacles.
"Your daughte," Junior elaborated, "I want her," He said bluntly, smirking suggestively. Mimi's tail perked up at that, watching the entire show with confusion and interest.
"Well, it seems lust runs in the family," HIM said with a smirk, hiding his surprise when Junior nodded proudly to the statement, 'Okay, this is actually getting weird, even for me,' HIM thought with a sweatdrop, "Want her or not, I'm not going to just give her to you," He informed, "Any other day, I'd trade her for a sack of potatoes, but I need to pay her and Jeff back for their little betrayal," HIM explained smirking as he got an idea, "Unless...you'd rather get something for me, in exchange for her?" He offered sinisterly.
"Sure," Junior answered with a shrug.
"...Just like that?" HIM asked, blinking as Junior just nodded, "Are you still the same kid from Halloween?"
"With serious upgrades, yes," Junior answered with a grin as he jumped down,, "Now, shall we haggle for her?!" He suggested with a grin.
"...Aren't you a bit young to be a pimp?" HIM asked with a smirk and a touch of humor.
"Oh, is that the issue?" Junior asked as the scythacles circled around him rapidly, obscuring him from view for a moment before they unwound and revealed...a teenage Junior, standing just half-a foot shorter than the red demon, wearing a demonic Nergal-cloak with green fuzz-lining, pants that looked to be made of crocodile hide, a purple shirt, shades just like HIM's, a fedora with Nergal eyes decorating it, and a cane with a black-metal skull on the handle, "This work?" Junior asked with a smirk as Mimi's tail started wagging rapidly.
"...Not bad for your first try," HIM admitted with a sweet drop, a bit weirded out now, "You said something about haggling?
"Ahh, right. You need a hand, right, Lobsterman?" Junior asked, getting a nod.
"Why do you keep calling me that?" HIM asked blankly.
"Would you prefer Crossdresser or Pimp Wannabe?" Junior retorted without missing a beat.
"...Right, well, yes. In exchange of for my daughter, I want something of your mother's," HIM explained, trying to get back on track.
"Oh, oh, don't tell me!" Junior said, grinning thoughtfully, "Well, you're too late for the virginity, obviously." Junior pointed out with a chuckle, "Her vibrators? The location of her sex dungeons? Her diary of complex fantasies of how to kill you? A copy of the sex tapes showing every time she's had sex wit-"
"No you-!" HIM yelled in annoyance, blinking as some of those things sunk in, "...Does she really have a diary of ways to kill me?" He asked curiously.
"Well, not just you, but she does have a complete chapter dedicated to you," Junior explained with a shrug, "Wait, is this something in her vault?" He asked, scowling.
"Yes, yes it is," HIM answered evenly with a nod.
"And just like that, I've lost interest in what you want," Junior said blankly.
"Because you don't think stealing from your mother's collection is worth saving Mimi?" HIM asked with a smirk.
"No, because that room is soooooo boring," Junior explained before sighing, "Look, I can see where this is going. You need a hand, right? Well, it just so happens I have a spare hand on me," Junior offered, still seeming...disappointed in HIM for going after something Junior considered boring.
"It can't just be just any regular hand, Junior," HIM pointed out evenly.
"Oh, come on! Do I look like someone who would cheat you on a deal?" Junior asked with a too-innocent grin.
'...So, this is what it feels like to be on the other side of this deal thing,' HIM realized, not used to being on this end of these conversations, "Just what hand do you think is worth my daughter then?" HIM asked with a raised eyebrow. He'd normally trade Mimi for a nail, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try to get as much out of a deal as possible.
"Trust me, you want this one," Junior assured before opening his mouth and sticking his entire lower-left arm into it, seemingly feeling around in search of something.
"...Jeff, do you have any idea what's going on with that boy?" HIM asked to Jeff and Mimi.
"Sorry, but I'm as stunned as you are, Sir," Jeff answered politely, despite his situation. Mimi, still in the straightjacket, just kept waging her tail.
"Ahh, here we go!" Junior said as he pulled something out of his mouth.
HIM looked at it curiously before he realized what it was, causing his eyes to nearly pop out of his head and his jaw to hit the floor, "That...! You...! Where...!" He started, unable to comprehend what he was seeing for a moment and completely losing his composure, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" HIM asked to Junior.
"The Fuckmothering Demon-Reaper," Junior answered with a grin, "So, we have a deal?" He asked temptingly as he held out his free right hand to shake HIM's claw.
The Lord of Sin stared at the object in question for a good solid minute before giving his answer, "...Take her," HIM said with wide eyes as he stared at that object in question and shook Junior's hand, "Just...just take her, she's yours, done deal," He accepted, Junior tossing the item to him with a chuckle...
End of Flashback
"You gave HIM a 'hand'?" Mandy asked blankly, "...You didn't," She said with a twitching brow. In response Junior just smirked with a raised eyebrow, "...Fuck you," Mandy said before running into the castle and towards her vault.
"BWHAHAHAHA!" Junior laughed after she was well in the building. Mimi jumping out of his arms as Junior began to roll on his back, "Ohhh, I love today, it can't get better!" He cheered, settling down as Mimi, now missing her sign poked him with her tail, "Hmm?" He asked, looking up at the red-skinned girl, who pointed to Jeff's body, head, and soul with her claws, "Oh, right, right. Got to put him back together," Junior murmured as he picked up the caged soul, "Yo, Jef-fa! Wakey wakey!" He called, shaking the cage, startling the arachnid's spirit awake.
"Ahhh, what a good nap," Jeff said with a yawn, blinking as he saw where they were, "We're here already?" He asked in mild surprise.
"You have GOT to be one of the deepest sleepers I've ever met." Junior stated with a smirk. Mimi blinked as she held up the sign again: Of All Time? Junior grinned at that, "She gets it. You deserve a treat, Hellcat," Junior said, pulling out a muffin as Mimi gained stars in her eyes, now crouching in front of Junior on all fours, like a cat, her eyes trained on the muffin, "...Okay, Lobsterman was either an idiot or a dick. I tamed you in less than an hour without laying a claw or scythe on you," Junior commented dryly as he tossed it into the air, Mimi jumping after it and catching it with her mouth, holding it with her claws as she savored the treat.
"Well, you DID take her to the land of Milk and Honey and let her take a nibble of the Holly Muffin," Jeff pointed out, "So, Junior...what happened to you, if you don't mind me asking?" The dead spider asked curiously.
"Well, I was conceived, then ripped out of the womb, then had all my flesh removed, then reaped, then spent a year as an only child, then-" Junior started off conversationally.
"No, no, I mean why are you so much more...I'm sorry, but the best word I have is crazy. Why are you so much crazier than when we last met?" Jeff asked, a bit apologetically.
"Oh, no reason, I was just always crazy but buried it deep in my soul to pass the time as a bratty eleven year old because I was bored with not being able to do much," Junior explained.
"...Seriously?" Jeff asked with wide eyes at the apparent psychopath.
"Ya, Seriously?" Grim Senior asked, looking down at his son curiously.
"Maybe! I like to have options with my backstory," Junior answered cryptically.
"So...wut'd I miss?" Grim asked curiously, looking from Jeff's soul, to his body, then to Mimi, and back to Junior.
"Oh, not much. Went for a walk, got a pet, screwed with Mom by making her think I gave HIM Horror's Hand for Hellcat here, etc." Junior explained uncaringly.
"...Did ya?" Grim asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No, no, I just gave him one I happen to have with me at the time. I just wanted to see Mom's reaction. Worth it," Junior said with a grin, "Actually, Dad, you're just the guy I was looking for," He commented as he tossed Jeff's soul to Grim, who barely caught it, "Here, you're better at putting things back together than me- I work best with tearing stuff apart," The demon-reaper elaborated.
"An wut do ya expec me ta do wid him?" Grim asked blankly.
"I don't know! Turn him into zombie, cyborg, or even part-skeleton; I really don't care as long as he's back in one piece," Junior answered with a shrug, "Unless you want to see what I make on my first try at resurrecting a body instead of just putting a soul in a ragdoll..."
"Ya, ya, I get de picture," Grim said with a sigh, "A couple of ya twits pull yourselves together and move dis corpse inside!" He ordered to the guards under Jeff's body, their bones wiggling out as they reformed with a groan.
"Like I said, you're better at putting things back together," Junior commented with a chuckle as he watched the guards take Jeff's body inside, Mimi carrying the head and following after, "Huh, guess Hellcat's staying here for now," He mused, wondering what to do now.
"Hey Grim. Long time no see," Jeff greeted with a smile.
"Ya, haven't seen ya face to skull in ova a decade," Grim commented as he headed inside with the soul.
"So, how's Mom doing?" Jeff asked curiously, Grim chuckling at that.
"Well, Mandy is-" Grim started off, only to be interrupted.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" Junior yelled as he raced towards them, jumping over Grim and Mimi, landing in front of them, "Did you just say that My Mom is your Mom!?" Junior asked with wide eyes.
"Umm, yes?" Jeff answered, a bit startled as Junior stared at him intently.
"It's a bit of a long sto-" Grim started, only for Junior to hold up his hand.
"Stop. Just stop. Nothing you tell me right now could possibly be better than what I'm thinking," Junior said bluntly as he blinked, letting this sink in, "I just...need to savor this for a moment...enough material to last me a century, with just one sentence. This deal cannot get any better than THIS!" He cheered before turning back to the spider-soul, "Jeff, you gave that to me. As a reward, you may call in one favor from me at any time. Use it carefully, Brother," He said with a grin as he walked back out.
"Ummm, you're welcome?" Jeff said, very unsure.
"...Wha de fook jus happened?" Grim asked to Mimi, who shrugged, "...I'm jus goin to preten dis neva occurred," He decided with a twitch in his brow as they continued their walk.
Omake/Review/Fourth-Wall-Breacking Section
"Well, that was fun!" Junior cheered as he climbed up the side of the castle and to the balcony of his room, to avoid his mother who by now was no doubt looking to shoot him for the sheer stress relief.
A: Things are never simple with you, are they?
"Of course not! Much more fun to troll and/or eat everyone along the way!" Junior answered smugly, "No, onto the reviews! First up, we have a newcomer, named T-Biggz. Dude? While me and the author both love that you enjoy what I do, you're reading into the wrong webcomic if you find incest creepy."
A: I kind of have to agree with him on this. Any fic based on GT is going to deal with incest unless it's AU or takes Minnie out of the picture.
Junior coughed to get the attention again, "And plus? It's the damn underworld. My canon self may not have figured it out yet, but incest isn't a strange thing down here. So, no, I'm not going to stop lusting after that fine tail I have for a mom, nor do I find it weird any more," He stated firmly.
A: As for PPGD, I'm going to assume you mean Megaville- in case you're new to the series, GT and PPGD are not of the same timeline. Bleedman and his crew have been trying to get that across for years. But, yes, some things from Megaville will come into play. And Junior would freaking bust Joker out so they could go on some kind of horrible prank spree.
"I'd do it too," Junior said with a grin, "Plus, Gotham has some sweet tail of its own..."
A: Moving on! Remzal Von Enili...not sure if he's new or not, to be honest.
"As for dropping PS ties? AK has made longer, I believe," Junior answered with a shrug, "And yes, every FF author's dream is to have someone do fanart of their stuff. As for my Anderson? Ohh, I got a feeling it won't be too long. Besides, I might have more than one!" He pointed out with a grin, "After all, I now have Hellcat AND Ragdoll instead of just one Policegirl."
A: Yes, yes, we get it, you're a chick magnet, gloat all you want.
"Next guy is InsaneXAngel...AK, what's the ancient Hebrew word for Insane?" Junior asked curiously.
A: Meshuga.
"Seriously? Hmm, I'm going to call this guy Meshuga or Meshugael, the Angel of Insanity." Junior commented.
A:...I think your nicknames always sound either completely insulting or kind of epic.
"I'm a troll. That's how I roll," Junior joked, "And, Meshugael, I don't blame you- there is no one I'd rather be than me right now."
A: Okay, I might just make up an Angel of Insanity with that name for a fic, because the name alone is making me grin.
"Now, onto DPSS!" Junior called, "I feel like there is a Dipshit joke in that name."
A:...Admittedly, I reluctantly agree with that. Now, yes, eventually Junior will stroll beyond the realm of Hell. And yes, when he gets to other worlds he will, without exception, "get busy" with most of the females he meets when he's not killing something.
"As for your questions to me? Yes, I'll have at least one rival. I got a few good guesses on who it might be," Junior answered, eyeing the Author suspiciously, "As for my change? I'm actually the Nergaling and have killed Grim Junior's soul to take over his body and power and life," He answered with a smirk.
A: You expect them to believe that?
"No, but they can't say it's not true for sure! Like I said, Dipsy, I enjoy having options for my backstory!" Junior retorted with a chuckle, "Now onto Nightmaster000. To answer your questions in order: I have a LONG time to try and Mom has no incest issue- I'll get back into her womb eventually. I'll make sure Minnie gets sexy clothes, even if I have to dress her myself. As for what happened to me? I stood in front of Horror's hand."
A: Not even going to comment.
"Again, YES, I will have enemies that don't just instantly die. And thank you, we look forward to your reaction." Junior finished.
A: As for everyone else's POV? Eh, you'll get bits and pieces for now, but you'll get more of them later on.
"Now, detralmetal...Your name is now IronAss," Junior said with a wicked grin.
A: Because detra means behind, right?
"Bingo!" Junior confirmed, holding up two V signs with his fingers, "And don't worry, if you die from laughter, I'll be sure to come pick you up in person!"
A:...That is a creepily nice thing to say, in retrospect.
"What can I say? Despite the horrible, or awesome, nicknames I hand out, I love my fans!" Junior said with a shrug, "And, yes, my mother DEEPLY regrets telling me to take a walk now," He said with a shit eating grin, "She's especially going to regret it when I bust out all the jokes about the 'brother' she never told me about," He said diabolically.
A: Well, one more, Demon Blood Dragon Slayer.
"Hmmm, D.B.D.S. I'm sure I can make a joke out of that. Dragon Balls, Dick, and Shit?" Junior mused thoughtfully, "And I'm happy to entertain! Now, that's all for th-" Junior started, blinking as he heard a ringing noise. He looked around for a moment before pulling out an IPhone, "Oh, right, forgot I picked up Mimi's IPhone after she left with Dad." He commented to himself as he answered it, "Y'ello?" He answered.
"Huh? Who is this? Do I hit the wrong number?" A female voice called over the phone.
"If you're looking for Mimi, you got the right phone, just the wrong person," Junior answered with a chuckle.
"And WHY do you have her phone?" The voice asked suspiciously.
"She lost it," Junior answered with an unneeded shrug.
"Lost it?" She asked incredulously.
"Muffins were involved at the time," He answered simply.
"...Okay, that makes sense," She admitted with a sigh, "Where is she anyway?"
"May I ask for a name to go with the pretty voice first?" Junior asked with a grin.
"It's Chi," She answered with an added edge to her voice, "Now, where is Mimi, exactly?" She all but demanded.
"You know the spider, Jeff, right? He got injured and she's...tending to him, I suppose," Junior explained, getting an awkward silence following that, "Want me to deliver a message?" He asked.
"...No, just tell her I called..." Chi answered, a bit sad now.
"Kay. By the way, Chi? You're Mimi's carpet licker, right?" Junior asked with a smirk.
"...WHAT?!" Chi yelled in embarrassment.
"No one gets that sad or that bitchy, that quickly, over not getting to chat with someone unless you're related and/or in love with them. Well, that or they were dying, but Mimi's in perrrrrfect condition," Junior explained with a chuckle, "Anyway, I have some good news about Mimi that I'm sure you'll LOVE to hear," Junior started before she could recover from the embarrassed.
"...What is it?" Chi asked, calming down enough to hear this out.
"Well, it's about her father, HIM. You see he made a deal with someone regarding Mimi," He started out vaguely.
"...What kind of deal?" Chi asked with wide eyes, her voice shrinking in paranoia.
"Well-" Junior started only to blink, "I gotta go," He said, hanging up and jumping over the balcony just as his mother slammed the door open, glaring at everything before stomping off to find her asshole of a child.
AN Well, that's it folks. And yes, everytime anyone, in story or in reviews, asks Junior what happened to make him like this, he will always give a different answer. And no, Junior didn't give HIM Horror's Hand. What he did give is a surprise. Also, I was going to eventually have Junior yell "Bitch, I eat people!" at Chi, but...I think it was kind of funnier to leave Chi hanging like that, lol. Well, until next time!
PS The Omake section is actually canon, I've decided, its just the section of the chapter where all the big fourth wall breaking happens.