Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N-thank you for the awesome reviews. Nikki :)
Part Three
They ended up at a burger bar. Jacob ordered the food and carried it back to the more private of the tables, which were located at the back of the fast food joint. Bella picked at her food while he heartily ate his. One thing hadn't changed about him she decided. He still consumed above average amounts of food.
"How can you still have room? You've been eating all morning already?" She asked out of curiosity.
"I have a quick metabolism. I need to refuel often." Jacob reminded her.
"I don't remember you eating this much before." Bella picked up one of her fries and bit into it.
"You just probably never noticed." Jacob didn't mean for his statement to sound critical, but he saw that Bella had taken it that way.
"I had a vengeful vampire on my trail if you recall." She snapped. "I didn't have time to note how much you ate in one day."
"Calm down." Jacob stopped eating and drank some of his coke. "Stop looking for insults when there isn't any."
Bella drummed her fingers on the table and tried to shake off her irritation. He was right, she was being defensive. It had only been an innocent remark. "Sorry." She muttered.
"Wow, so you do know the word then?" Jacob smiled grimly as Bella recoiled from him.
"Is this what you want to do, score points off of each other?" She said, beginning to rise from her seat.
Jacob caught hold of her arm before she could move any further. "No it's not. Please sit down."
She hesitated for a moment before complying. She settled back in her seat and resumed eating. They were both silent for a while until all the food was gone. Jacob sat back and gazed at her astutely. He was the first to break the silence.
"Why did you never reply to the card I sent you?" He asked abruptly.
Bella bit her bottom lip to steady her nerves. "We hadn't seen each other for four years. I saw little point. You weren't supposed to have my address. I suppose my dad caved in and told you."
"No he didn't. Charlie was nothing but loyal to you, although you hardly deserved it. You've treated him like crap." Jacob's statement wasn't accusatory. He was simply telling it how it was.
Bella felt shame and guilt pierce her irrational anger. So her father hadn't betrayed her confidence after all? She had just presumed that it was him. How else was Jacob able to find her address? "Well then, if it wasn't my dad, how did you find out?" She mumbled, avoiding his eyes.
"I was around his house one day and saw he had written out a card for you. Your address was on the envelope. I sneakily jotted it down. He never knew." Jacob replied. "Anyway why did you not reply?"
Bella traced her fingers across the table, still avoiding looking at him directly. "I had nothing to say. I had moved on, and assumed you sent it out of politeness."
"You assume a fucking lot, don't you, Bella?" Jacob's voice was laced with sarcasm.
"There you go again." She said heatedly. "You sound like a spoilt child who's had his favourite toy confiscated. Grow up."
"Oh I grew up a long time ago. Pity you didn't." Jacob sneered. "Still the same old Bella. You just won't own up to your mistakes."
"Neither will you." Bella dug into her pocket and slammed down some money on the table. "That's my share of the meal. Goodbye Jacob." This time she ignored him and strode out of the burger bar, her head held high.
She was climbing into her truck when he next caught up with her. She felt two warm hands grab her around the waist and pull her back out of the truck. She began to kick out at him. "Get the fuck off me?" She yelled.
Jacob dropped her back on her feet and stood in front of her so she couldn't get past him to her truck. "I wasn't finished."
"Well I was. Now get out of my way."
"No." He said stubbornly.
Bella was feeling totally exasperated. Why couldn't he just let her go so they could go their separate ways? She refused to acknowledge that the meal they had just shared had been her idea. "What do you want from me, Jacob?"
"An explanation."
"For what?" Bella threw her hands up in the air.
"For why you just fucked off and cut me and everyone else who cared about you out of your life? I might have deserved it, but not your dad and your friends. I bet you've still seen the bloodsucker." Jacob retorted.
Bella felt suddenly more weary than she ever had in her life. Perhaps she did owe him an explanation, but she saw little point in going over old ground. She hated feeling guilty about her dad. Part of the reason she had taken off alone was so that she could avoid facing up to what she had done. She thought cutting him out of her life would be the best thing for Charlie. She hadn't been much of a daughter when she was living with him. She had been too wrapped up in the Cullen's. As for Jacob, their shared history was too difficult to put into context. Her feelings for him back then had been so complicated, mixed up with her own guilt about secretly betraying Edward by having feelings for the shifter. She put her arms around her waist, an old gesture that Jacob remembered. He hated seeing her do it. He reached out and yanked her arms apart.
"Don't do that." He chided her, but his tone was more gentle then it had been.
Bella straightened up and ran a hand restlessly through her hair. She was longing to get in her truck and take off for destinations unknown, but she knew that Jacob would not let her leave until she had given him some kind of reason for her behavior. "I don't know what to tell you. I haven't seen Edward since I took off. I asked him not to contact me and he did as I asked. He sent me a card after I graduated just like you did. In his own roundabout way he was asking to see me. But I couldn't do it. I am a coward, Jacob. Haven't you worked that out yet? I didn't want to face Edward because I would have to tell him that..." she stopped speaking and hung her head.
"Tell him what?" Jacob prompted her.
"Tell him that I've outgrown him. After the first year away from him I had to admit to myself that I hardly missed him at all. Now when I look back on my time in Forks it feels like it happened to someone else. I am not that naïve girl anymore. I know that if he sees me he will expect me to be the same, compliant and worshipping the ground he walks on. He will want to take charge and decide what he thinks is best for me. I won't be controlled by him or you. I am my own person." Bella finally raised her eyes to Jacob's; a defiant light shining in them.
"I never wanted to control you." Jacob replied. "I just wanted to love you. You wouldn't even give me a real chance. All I got at the end was a quick visit where you expressed your regret that you did love me, but not enough. You have no idea how often I hear those fucking words echoing around my skull like a curse. I would rather you had just told me you felt nothing for me. The worst thing you can do to a person is give them false hope. But that is what you did. You kept me hoping."
Bella flinched at the bitterness in his voice. She had only told him how she was feeling at the time. If she realised her parting words would haunt him for years she would never have uttered them. She would have lied and told him that she never loved him. Bella took a deep breath and for the first time reached out and took his hand. "I am so very sorry, Jacob." She said earnestly. "I didn't know."
They stared at each other for a long while as they both let this new found knowledge sink in. People passed by them, wondering why this handsome couple were standing on the edge of the side walk looking lingeringly at each other. It was Bella who broke the connection. She dropped Jacob's hand and gave him a sad smile.
"I need to hit the road." She said softly.
"Is that it? You're just going to go?" Jacob seemed bewildered.
"Yes." Bella sidestepped around him and opened the door to her truck. "I need to." She climbed into the truck and closed the door, before winding down the window and leaning out. "Take care Jacob. Be happy."
As Bella switched on the engine her cell phone beeped, indicating she had a message. She sighed and glanced at the message. It was Renee;
Ring me urgently. Charlie is in hospital.
Bella stared at it for a moment before picking up the phone and dialling her mom's cell. Jacob watched curiously as Bella began to speak urgently into her phone instead of driving off. He saw her face turn white and her hand fly to her mouth. Her voice rose as she became hysterical.
"He can't be. How did this happen?" Bella was yelling.
Jacob opened the door to the truck and carefully took the phone from her nerveless fingers. "Breathe, Bella." He told her as she huddled over.
"Hi, this is Jacob Black." He said into the phone.
"Billy Black's son?" Came the breathless reply. "This is Renee Turner, Bella's mom."
"Hi, Bella is not feeling great. Can I help you?" He asked politely.
"Oh thank god Bella has a friend with her and your father has been trying to call you all morning. He is here in the hospital with me." Renee babbled.
"Is he okay?" Jacob nearly dropped the phone.
"Yes, it isn't your father." Renee rushed to reassure him. "It's Charlie. He is in hospital. He's been shot. I don't have all the details as yet. I flew down to Forks as soon as I was contacted. He still has me listed as next of kin along with Bella. They couldn't get hold of her. She has to come home right now. It doesn't look good. Please get her to come home."
Jacob was dumbstruck. "Yes, I'll bring her back. Can you tell my dad that I'll call him soon and that I'm on my way home."
"Bless you. We had no idea that you two had met up again, but I'm so glad. I have to ring off now, the doctors need to speak to me. Tell Bella to call and let me know when she can get home." Renee ended the call.
Bella was still huddled into a ball. She was rocking back and forth, crying silent tears. Jacob gripped her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "Bells we need to get home."
Bella stared sightlessly around her truck. "But it could take weeks driving back." She muttered.
"We need to book flights." Jacob said firmly.
"I don't have enough money." Bella was getting hysterical again. "He could die before I get there. I won't be able to tell him how sorry I am."
"Calm down. I think we should sell my truck." Jacob began to calculate how much he could get for his vehicle. Surely enough to get them back home at any rate. "We can make a quick sale and we'll put your truck in storage."
"But...I can't ask you to do that." Bella babbled.
"I want to do that. It isn't only your dad who needs you, mine needs me too. Charlie was his best friend." Jacob hated to think of what state Billy was in right now. "Give me the keys, Bella." He held out his hand.
Bella dropped the keys to the truck into his open palm and shifted across so he could slide into the driver's side. Jacob didn't say anymore. He gunned the engine and did a u-turn as he headed for his own truck.
A/N-thanks for reading!