Denial – Chapter 3

-O-

DISCLAIMER: I am not connected to Emmerdale and its characters, which belong to ITV

-O-

Chas entered the back room of the Woolpack and saw Aaron sitting at the table eating his breakfast.

"Good morning!" she greeted her son with a smile.

"Is it?" Aaron replied without pausing from shovelling spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth.

"Someone's in a good mood this morning," Chas said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. She sat at the table alongside Aaron and looked at him, "What's wrong son?"

"Why should anything be wrong?" Aaron wore his dead-pan expression.

"I'm your mum and I know you of old," Chas replied, although she knew that Aaron was unlikely to confide in her, given his track record.

"I'm okay, just busy at the garage, that's all," Aaron was making excuses and Chas knew it, "Gotta go!"

Chas watched as Aaron left the table and headed for the door. She was certain that Aaron was hiding something but she knew that there was no point in pushing him for answers.

Aaron's mind was in turmoil. Without realising it, he had become attracted to Robert Sugden but felt that the feeling was not mutual. As far as he was concerned, Robert was just using him as a convenient outlet for his gay inclinations. He was beginning to realise that, if Robert was serious about a gay relationship, he would call off his planned wedding to Chrissie, but he could see that Robert wanted his lavish and 'straight' lifestyle.

The day passed off without incident and Aaron was just heading upstairs to his bedroom after tea when there was a knock at the door. He descended the stairs to answer it, to find Robert on his doorstep.

"Can I come in?" Robert asked, politely.

"That's a change...you usually just barge in!" Aaron was being sarcastic.

The two of them stood in the hallway like prize fighters sizing up their opponent. Robert was the first to speak, "Look Aaron, I want to clear the air after the last time we met. I was being stupid."

Aaron had a disdainful look on his face, "You got that right."

"What I said...it came out all wrong. I really wanted to do something nice for you, that was all."

"You're still trying to use your money to impress me! I don't want that."

"What do you want then?"

"From you? Nothing!"

Robert closed in on Aaron, "You don't mean that."

Aaron held his hands against Robert's chest, "Yes I do. You can't give me what I need...I'm not cut out to be 'a bit on the side' and anyway, it isn't fair on Chrissie."

"Oh!" Robert had his usual smug grin on his face, "A man with scruples, eh?"

"Don't mock me, Sugden. You don't know anything about me."

"I know you like bloody good shag!" Robert's face moved towards Aaron's, but the younger man held him away.

"That's all I am to you isn't it? You just see me as a cheap tramp who'll drop his pants for you whenever you whistle."

"That's not true."

"Isn't it?" Aaron glared at Robert, "If you want to cheat on your wife and find gay sex on the side, then go to town and pick up a rent-boy. I'm better than that."

"Aaron, listen to me..."

Aaron cut Robert short, "I've done with listening to you. You'd better go."

Robert could see that he was not going to get his own way this time, so he capitulated, "Okay, if that's what you really want."

"It is."

Robert let go of Aaron and put his hand on the door handle, "You could have had anything you wanted, you know. I'd have been very generous."

"There you go again. Money can't buy what I'm looking for...it's a pity you can't see that."

Aaron watched Robert leave. He felt good that he had given Robert his marching orders, but felt bad that Robert could not be his lover. Jackson was the only man that had ever loved him and he, eventually, had loved him back. Even Ed, nice though he had been, had not lived up to Jackson's standards. Aaron mused: maybe he was destined never to find another Mr. Right?

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Adam dropped into the Woolpack for a pint and Chas served him at the bar.

"It's good to have you back home where you belong," Chas smiled as she pulled a pint.

"Thanks Chas, I think Aaron's chuffed that I'm back, too."

"I'm glad that he's chuffed about something," Chas placed the pint in front of Adam, "He had a right cob on at breakfast this morning. You don't know what the problem is, do you?"

Adam had his suspicions, but he had promised to keep Aaron's secret so he shrugged his shoulders, "No idea. He seemed okay when I last saw him."

Chas had to break from their conversation to serve Ashley and Adam was relieved that he had been spared a further grilling about Aaron.

Adam walked away from the bar and found a seat, just as Aaron walked in.

"You haven't deserted your post at the farm already, have you?" Aaron wore a cheeky grin.

"I'm entitled to a lunch hour, it's the law," Adam replied. "Listen mate, your mum's been asking questions about you. She said you were grumpy this morning, although I'd thought that was normal for you!"

"You cheeky git," Aaron frowned, "You didn't tell her anything, did you?"

"You know me better than that, pal. I said I wouldn't tell anyone and I meant it."

Aaron looked pensive, "Cheers, although there's not a secret to give away anymore."

"How do you mean?"

Aaron suggested that they go into the back room where they could talk more privately. Once they were all alone, he continued, "I've given golden boy the bum's rush. It's over."

"Blimey, that was quick. What happened?"

"He was using me like some kind of cheap tart!" Aaron grimaced, "Wanted to pay for cosmetic surgery on my scars and stuff."

"Sounds like he wanted treat you, you should be grateful."

"Grateful?" Aaron raised his voice, but lowered it again to avoid attracting attention from the bar outside, "How would you feel if someone offered you money when they'd just had sex with you?"

It was Adam's turn to look pensive, "Mmm, I take your point."

"Anyway, I've told him I don't want to be his dirty little secret that he has to hide from his wife. That's not what I'm after."

"And what is it you are after?" Adam frowned.

Aaron looked deep in thought, "Well...I thought it might lead onto something more than just casual sex...you know, like an actual relationship."

"I'm sorry mate, I didn't realise you had feelings for him."

"I don't, not really."

Adam looked at Aaron and could see that he was trying to mask his true feelings, "Look mate, its okay to fall for the wrong person: everyone's done that at some time, even me."

"Anyway," Aaron sighed, "I don't know why we're still discussing it. He's history, end of!"

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It was a few days before Aaron and Robert met again. In a small village it was inevitable that their paths would cross occasionally, but they kept their distance and would only give each other dirty looks if they happened to bump into one and other, either in the cafe or the pub. Robert still wanted to speak to Aaron but the mechanic was obviously avoiding him. However, he seized his chance one day in the Woolpack when he saw Aaron heading for the gents toilets and he followed him in.

Aaron was washing his hands when Robert appeared. He looked at the older man but said nothing, just giving him a disdainful look.

"Still giving me the silent treatment then?" Robert attempted a smile, which almost gave Aaron the impression that he was laughing at him.

"What do you expect?" Aaron sneered.

"Look Aaron, I'm sorry, okay? I went about things all wrong. I wanted to get to know you better but I ended up pushing you away."

"What's the point?" Aaron was still in a bad mood, "Why try to 'get to know me better'? You're only after one thing."

"That's not true." Robert was trying to convince Aaron that he was being sincere, "I really do want us to be friends. I know you think I only want to get you into bed, but that's not all."

"Isn't it?"

"No! Don't get me wrong, the sex is good...in fact, it's fantastic! But I want to be mates too, Aaron."

"Mates?" Aaron almost spat out the word, "What kind of a mate offers you money for sex? I want things that you can't give me, not while you're with someone else, anyway."

"I get it," Robert could see what Aaron was driving at, "You only want me if I leave Chrissie, is that it?"

"What makes you think I want you at all?" Aaron said, dismissively.

Robert took the plunge and pinned Aaron against the wall, "I think you do, I know I want you!" He moved to kiss Aaron but the younger man fought him off.

"Not here!" Aaron had a change of heart, "Call round the back later, text me when you get here, and we can talk."

"Okay!" Robert released his grip on Aaron and left him alone.

Later that evening, Aaron's mobile phone beeped and he let Robert in by the side door of the Woolpack. They went straight up to Aaron's bedroom and sat on the bed. There was a longing for each other which neither of them could deny, but they were both hesitant: afraid to make a wrong move.

Robert was first to speak, "Can we start again? All this has happened so fast, I never expected to have feelings for you!" Robert took Aaron's hand in his own.

Aaron studied him warily, "You're not just leading me on, are ya? So that I'll give in and you'll get your own way, as usual."

"I'm not messing you about, Aaron. I've missed you. It's taken me by surprise all this and, if I'm honest, it was just about the sex to start with. But I think we could have something special starting here, if you'll give me a chance."

"But I still don't want to be second fiddle to your other half," Aaron was still not convinced of Robert's sincerity, "If you want to sleep with me, I want you to do it because you want to be with me...and me alone. Does that sound selfish?"

"No...not really. I know what you're getting at."

"So," Aaron began to mellow, "You'll think about us having a proper relationship?"

"I will, but I can't just dump Chrissie," Robert looked concerned, "Suppose I do that and then it doesn't work out between you and me?"

"That's a chance everybody takes in relationships, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Robert leaned in to kiss Aaron and, this time, Aaron responded. The kiss was tender but hot. When they separated, Robert held his forehead against Aaron's, "I've missed that!" he said.

"Me too!" Aaron replied as he moved in for another kiss.

Aaron still did not know if he could trust Robert, but he hoped that he was being sincere about starting a relationship and, just maybe, he could eventually persuade the older man to be his exclusive partner. One thing was clear to him: he wanted Robert in his life as he was starting to become attached to him. And then...there was the bonus of the amazing sex!