Denial – Chapter 4

-O-

DISCLAIMER: I am not connected to Emmerdale and its characters, which belong to ITV

-O-

Aaron caressed Robert's torso as they sprawled naked on his bed. The sex had been incredible, as always, and both men had engaged in a flip-flop, each of them taking the passive role in turn. There was something very intimate about their coupling, as if both of them wanted to give themselves to their partner.

"I'd better be going," Robert spoke in hushed tones, as if to speak more loudly would break some kind of spell.

"Do you have to?" Aaron looked pleadingly at Robert and the older man found him very attractive when he showed his vulnerable side.

"Chrissie will be wondering where I've got to."

"Robert, will you do something for me?"

"What?"

"When we're together like this, don't talk about Chrissie."

"Are you getting jealous?"

Aaron fondled Robert's impressive cock, "If I have to share this with her...yes, I am jealous!"

Robert chuckled, "So, you want to meet again?"

"Yeah, 'course."

"Good," Robert kissed Aaron and then climbed out of bed. He started to dress, "I meant what I said about putting up the money for surgery, you know...but not as payment for anything, just because I want to do something good for you. I know a really top bloke in the cosmetic surgery field."

Aaron mulled it over, "You don't have to do that."

"No, I know that, but I'd like to," Robert finished dressing and leant over to kiss Aaron again. Aaron, still naked, grasped Robert: not wanting to let him go.

"Can't you stay just a little bit longer?" Aaron pouted.

Robert kissed Aaron again, "I'll have to go, they'll be sending out a search party from Home Farm."

Aaron was resigned to the fact that Robert would have to leave, "I wish it could be different...I mean...I'd like us to spend the night together."

Robert kissed Aaron one final time, "We will, one day."

Once Robert had left, Aaron stared at the ceiling. Something seemed to have changed in his relationship with Robert. He had been savvy enough to realise that their initial couplings had been merely about sex: two lads having an instant attraction and urgently wanting to get their rocks off together. But, this time, it had been different. He felt that Robert was beginning to care about him. He would sleep soundly that night.

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Adam called into the Woolpack after work. He saw Chas behind the bar and she beckoned him over.

"Aaron's in the back room," she told him, "he said he wanted to see you when you arrived...go through."

"Thanks Chas," Adam smiled at her and did as he was requested.

Adam found Aaron sitting on the sofa.

"Your mum said to come through," Adam announced, as if trying to excuse his sudden appearance.

"Good," Aaron went to the fridge and collected a couple of cans of beer, "I've got something to tell you."

"This sounds ominous!" Adam chucked.

They both parked themselves on the sofa with their drinks.

"It's about me and Robert," Aaron began, "We're kind of back on again."

"I never know where I am with you," Adam laughed, "One minute it's off...next minute..."

"Things have changed," Aaron explained, "We got talking and Robert reckons he has feelings for me and, well, I think it might be going somewhere."

Adam asked the obvious question, "What about his fiancé?"

"We're not intending to set up a threesome."

Adam chuckled, "No, you idiot, I mean...is Robert going to call off the wedding?"

"He's staying with her for now, but he said that he wants us to have a relationship, so I'm sure he will eventually."

"I hope, for your sake, that you're right," Adam looked at Aaron sternly, "Just watch your back with that one, mate."

"I'll be okay...I know what I'm doing," Aaron smiled at his friend, hoping at the same time that he believed the words himself.

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The days passed and Aaron and Robert met up whenever they could, although it wasn't always easy: especially as it was in secret. Aaron skirted the subject of Robert leaving Chrissie a number of times, but Robert always fobbed him off with excuses, claiming that the time wasn't right or that there was some other reason why he could not break it off.

A couple of weeks later, after one of their frequent sex sessions in Aaron's room, the nude mechanic was lying next to his naked lover as usual. "So," Aaron spoke first, "have you thought anymore about calling off the wedding?"

Robert looked at Aaron, "I thought you didn't like mentioning Chrissie when we are together."

"You're evading the question."

"Well...no I haven't called it off: I stand to lose too much if I do that."

"So, what are you saying?" Aaron propped himself up on one elbow to look at his lover, "You're still going to go ahead with the wedding after all?"

"Look, Aaron, if I go ahead with it, I'll still be rich and I can still spoil you, like I did with paying for the cosmetic surgery, you wouldn't want me to be as poor as a church mouse, would you?"

"It wouldn't matter to me, like I said before: your money means nothing to me. I'm grateful for you paying to sort out my blemishes and I feel better about myself now that's been done, but it wouldn't matter if you didn't have any money. I'd still want to be with you."

"I know," Robert smiled at Aaron, "but it matters to me! I want to have a nice life and have all the things that money can buy. If I dump Chrissie: that will also be my job and my whole future up the creek!"

"But, if you go ahead with marrying her, you'll be living a lie, can't you see that? I know you'll still be rich, but will you be happy? You already told me that the sex with me is better than it is with her. You've got these gay inclinations and you'll still need an outlet for them."

"Well..." Robert looked Aaron in the eye, "I was hoping that, after I'm married, we can still carry on like before: it doesn't need to change anything between us."

"Are you for real?" Aaron suddenly became angry, "You know I wanted a proper relationship! If we're screwing around behind Chrissie's back, I'll still be your dirty little secret."

"Aaron, please..." Robert went to grab hold of Aaron, but the younger man jumped out of bed in order to avoid him.

"We're back to square one, aren't we?" Aaron had a face like thunder, "You don't want to be with me properly, like I want. You just want to come round here for a quick fuck whenever the mood takes you. Do you have any idea how cheap that makes me feel?"

"There's no need to feel that way, Aaron. I really like you...a lot. But you've got to understand what I'd be giving up if I became your boyfriend. Chrissie will be devastated and Lawrence will cut me off. Plus, I can't see myself walking into the bar of the Woolpack with you, hand in hand."

"Now we're getting to it, aren't we?" Aaron was in one of his bad-tempered moods now, "You just can't come out in public, can you? You'd rather live a lie than admit your true feelings to the world."

"I'm not ready to cut my ties and start a new life," Robert was trying to talk Aaron round, "I will be one day, but not now. After I'm married, later I'll divorce Chrissie and by then I'll be sorted, financially. Then we could be together like you want. I could reveal my true feelings and I won't care who knows that you are my new partner."

"You just don't get it, do you?" Aaron was angry and upset, "This is all pie in the sky...all 'somedays' and 'maybes'. If you really wanted to be with me instead of Chrissie, you'd leave her right now and we could walk into the bar of the Woolpack tomorrow, hand-in-hand if you wanted. But, you won't call off the wedding, you won't come out as gay, all you want is an easy way out."

Robert was running out of excuses, he knew that Aaron had hit the nail on the head, but he persisted in trying to talk him round, "Aaron, all I'm asking for is a little more time. That's all I need. Just a little bit longer and we can be set up for life...both of us."

Aaron was not going to back down any time soon, "No Robert, you either say that you want to be with me now, as a proper couple, or you walk out that door and never come back."

"Aaron!" Robert was pleading now, "Don't do this! Think of all the things you could have in the future, if you'll just wait a little bit longer."

"Get out!" Aaron fumed, "You've only ever wanted me as an outlet for your hidden desires. You're still in denial and maybe you always will be. I've had enough...I want you to go now."

Robert stood up to get dressed, "You're making a big mistake, Aaron. If only you'd wait awhile you could have everything you want...me, wealth, everything."

"Stop digging yourself even deeper into that hole, Robert. You know I don't care about the money and all that. All I want is you, as my boyfriend. But, you can't give me that and, maybe, you never can."

Robert gave up on his attempts to win Aaron round, so he shrugged his shoulders and left.

Aaron fought the tears welling up behind his eyes. He had really fallen for Robert and losing him was still painful. He threw himself onto the crumpled sheets of the bed and sobbed into his pillow.

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Adam caught up with Aaron the next day. He could see that Aaron was upset and they went into the back room of the Woolpack to chat.

"Things not going so well with lover boy?" Adam had guessed the problem and they sat down with a couple of cans.

"Is it that obvious?" Aaron grimaced.

"Apart from you having a face like a slapped backside...no!"

"It's over mate, I mean, really over this time."

"What happened?"

"He wouldn't commit to me, he wouldn't come out. It was hopeless...all he kept saying was that he'd marry Chrissie, for the financial gain, then dump her and come out as my partner. Like that's gonna work!"

"Well, I did warn you to watch him very carefully," Adam looked at his friend, "No offence mate, but I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him. I've met his type before."

"I know," Aaron conceded, "You're right, of course. I'll just have to resign myself to being single."

"Tell you what," Adam was trying to cheer up his friend, "What say we hit a bar in town and you can start looking for a nice, uncomplicated gay guy who's already out of the closet."

"Does such a man exist?" Aaron chuckled as Adam had said the right thing, for once.

Adam looked at Aaron again, "Look mate, you deserve better than the likes of Robert Sugden. Much as it pains me to say it, you're a good-looking guy. You could take your pick and I'm sure you'd soon find a guy who would be only too happy to be your boyfriend...just like Jackson was."

"Well I wouldn't say Jackson was that happy...at least...some of the time, but I know what you mean. Yeah, let's go into town and show some unsuspecting mug what he's missing."

"That's the spirit!" Adam chuckled.

Aaron smiled. He may not have snared Robert Sugden, but he still had the most loyal, trustworthy best mate anyone could wish for.

THE END