Eyra was miserable.
She had known, of course, that the transition would be difficult, but she had in no way anticipated just how awful she was going to feel. The loneliness she felt was greater than any she had ever experienced, even during the time after her mother's marriage to Inghard. At least then she had her brothers for company, and they were quite adept at cheering her up. This time, however, there were also feelings of deep guilt and regret which no longer had anything to do with Thor but solely revolved around Loki.
The first couple of days, he had been quite determined to make amends with her. He had assumed that she was simply upset with him for how their first training session had gone and made every attempt to apologize. It seemed that every time Eyra turned a corner, he was there with his latest idea, and she hated herself for the way his actions affected her.
He had begun with a simple, yet sincere apology, having suddenly cut her off on her way to the library. Her traitorous heart had fluttered pleasantly at the pleading look in his eyes and the fact that he cared enough about their relationship to seek her out as he had.
When that didn't work, he had written her a wonderful letter detailing how amazing she was and how highly he thought of her. When a servant had delivered it to her, she found herself unable to stop her tears from flowing and even more unable to throw it away. It now resided under her pillow and was almost falling apart from being folded and unfolded so much.
When she gave him no indication that she had even received his note, he had personally brought her a platter filled with all of her favorite foods and treats. She had politely thanked him for thinking of her before shutting the door, scolding herself for being so delighted that he knew her well enough to put together such an arrangement.
He continued to have his favorite books sent up to her room. She made to acknowledgment of it to him, but she read every single one of them and found herself analyzing them to discover whatever that being one of his favorites had to say about him.
She returned to her room one day to find it decorated with flowers and butterflies (which turned out to be an illusion). It was incredibly reminiscent of their favorite garden to sit in, and she found herself haunted by those memories and by the desire to run back to him so that they could create more.
The most meaningful thing he had done for her was to leave a thank you note from an orphanage for an impossibly large donation which had been made in her name. She had made no such donation, but she knew exactly who had. Her knees had gone weak at that point as she realized how much he remembered of their conversations and how he knew exactly how to get her heart to melt.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about it all was that he seemed to have turned it into some sort of game, trying to outdo himself with each new plan he carried out. She had to smile in spite of herself at just how like him that was. It was one of the things she loved most about him: that he had an uncanny ability to find fun in almost every situation. He could make her smile and laugh like no one else could, regardless of her circumstances at the time, and she could not decide whether she was elated or irritated that he was somehow managing to do so even when she was refusing to speak with him.
Of course, given that Loki was not in any way stupid, he soon figured out that there was something different going on than what he had originally thought. After about five days, he stopped with the theatrics and started trying to speak with her about what was going on. Eyra had somehow been able to dodge that conversation so far, but had taken to spending almost all of her time in her chambers in an effort to avoid him. The only times she left, in fact, were to have tea with Frigga.
The queen made no direct mention of any of her observations concerning these matters, but she hinted strongly that she desired for Eyra and Loki to sort out whatever had happened. Eyra simply changed the subject during those times, feeling that she did not understand the problem or the reasons for it. Frigga would then sigh and allow for the shift, knowing that Eyra would heed her counsel in due time.
It had been ten days since this all began, and Eyra now sat in front of her mirror, attempting to make herself look as nice as possible for Thor and the Allfather's return. As she gazed at herself, she began to realize with concern just how much of a toll the situation was taking on her. Her skin was even more pale than usual, and her eyes, along with being sunken in, held a tired, almost dead look. It was clear that she had lost a couple of pounds as well. Looking back, it was understandable that she was being affected physically. She had been brought food three times a day, but found herself incapable of eating more than a few bites without being sick. Her sleep was plagued with nightmares, and it soon became nearly impossible for her to even fall asleep. She tossed and turned and grumbled for hours every night, haunted by guilt and fear of the future.
With a sigh, Eyra stood up and checked herself one last time before leaving her room and making her way down to the gate where Thor would be arriving. Her heart hammered in her chest as she nervously considered the task before her.
'Focus,' she attempted to motivate herself. 'It's going to take a lot of concentration and a lot of willpower, but you can do it if you focus hard enough.' She paused for a moment, jaw clenching slightly as she realized her inner voice had become Loki. 'You've got to be kidding me,' she thought mournfully. 'There really is no escape from you, is there?'
When she arrived at the gate, Eyra realized with a groan that Loki was the only one there yet. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and came to stand next to him, forcing herself not to spare him even the smallest glance. She could, however, feel his eyes trained on her as she stared forward determinedly.
"Eyra...or...Astrid...or whatever you want me to call you," Eyra's heart broke at the weary, vulnerable tone his voice held. Still, she refused to meet his gaze. He took a shaky breath and continued. "I..I don't really know what's happened to make you despise me so..." Eyra sucked in a quick breath. Was that really what he thought? "But please...whatever I did to cause this...please tell me so that I can make it up to you..."
Eyra bit her lip and somehow managed to keep her voice steady, though to her it sounded hollow and distant. "You have done nothing to upset me, Your Highness," Loki flinched when she neglected to call him by his own name. "I simply realized that the amount of time we were spending together could hardly be considered appropriate."
"Well then...could we not...continue to be friends and simply spend less time with one another?" Eyra had never heard him sound so pleading and broken. With that, her resolve suddenly shattered, and she found herself turning toward him with tears filling her eyes.
"Loki..." she choked. She had no idea what she was going to say. Was she going to explain to him what had really caused her sudden distance? Was she going to continue to be vague and kindly tell him that she simply couldn't do it? Was she going to agree, despite all logic screaming at her that it was a horrible idea?
She never got the chance to find out though, as when their eyes met, she felt a sudden wave of shock and emotion jolt through her. It had been days since she had seen those captivating eyes, and they had always been a weakness for her. Whatever words she had been about to say caught in her throat, and she simply found herself staring up at him with her hands trembling.
Loki's brow furrowed as he took note of her state. "Eyra," he murmured. "You're not well." He gently took her hands in his own, steadying them as his eyes studied her with careful concern. Eyra shivered involuntarily at the sorely missed contact. When his hand reached up to cup her cheek tenderly, she found herself leaning toward him as he, in turn, bent down slowly. It was as if magnets were drawing them together, and Eyra knew she wouldn't have been able to stop herself if she wanted to. Her breathing became uneven, and all thoughts of what consequences this action might entail fled from her mind. She was only aware of how close he had suddenly gotten, or was it she who had closed the distance? It didn't matter however, as his nose brushed lightly against her own, and she could feel his cool breath dancing across her face...
Then, with a sudden crack, the gate began to open, signaling the arrival of Thor and Odin and wrenching Eyra back to her own voice of reason. With a sharp intake of breath, she sprang away from Loki, who himself looked shocked at the turn of events that had nearly taken place. They stared at each other with wide eyes for a moment before whipping around to feign a casual air as the two horses rode through. Thor immediately leapt from his mount and strode toward Eyra, giving her an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek.
"Astrid, it is lovely to see you again. I thought of you every day on Vanaheim. How have you fared?"
Eyra gave him a convincing smile. "I have been quite well, thank you. I have learned my way around the palace much better and have truly grown to love it here. It is wonderful that you have returned, though. That will only make things better."
Thor beamed at her, but before he could say another word, Odin had spoken. "Where is Frigga?"
Eyra looked around in surprise. She had been so caught up in the moment with Loki that she had not even noticed that the queen had failed to arrive. At that moment, she heard Frigga's voice from behind her.
"I am here. I do apologize for my tardiness. I had an important matter to attend to."
When the queen's hopeful eyes landed on Eyra and Loki, Eyra realized with a start that she had been late on purpose in order to give the two of them time alone to sort things out. Eyra had to laugh humorlessly to herself at the fact that quite the opposite had occurred. She was certain that things were going to be even worse between Loki and herself that they had before.
As Odin and Frigga embraced tenderly, Thor turned to Eyra with a bright smile. "Come. You must tell me of what your time in my absence has consisted. Have you made good friends with the Lady Sif?"
As he guided her away, Eyra confessed that she had not. "I honestly haven't even seen her or any of the others since you left." She was inwardly grateful that he was taking her away from the heavy tension that rested between herself and the prince.
Thor frowned, but recovered quickly. "Well, we shall simply have to change that! You should have a good female companion, and Sif is the perfect candidate! The Warriors Three will be great company to you as well, I am sure."
Eyra smiled up at him. "I would love to get to know them, Thor. Would it be alright if I was to join you on the training grounds? I fear I have never lifted a weapon, but I have always thought it a useful skill to have. Perhaps you could teach me, and it would also afford me time with your friends."
"What a wonderful idea, Astrid!" Thor looked absolutely thrilled with the prospect, and Eyra had to smile at him fondly. He was like a huge, kind, snuggly bear. She, at his request, began to tell him of some of her experiences over the past few weeks. He was delighted that she was developing a close relationship with his mother, and he commented happily on every piece of good news she had to share with him. The knot of guilt Eyra felt over whatever was going on between her and Loki doubled in size as they conversed. Thor had done nothing to deserve a bride who preferred his brother over him.
As entertaining as her afternoon with her fiancé was, Eyra found herself constantly distracted by feelings of shame. When Thor dropped her off at her chambers that evening, she discovered that sleep even harder to come by than normal. Her mind swam with confusion over whether or not she was doing the right thing and the tiniest (or at least she convinced herself it was tiny) bit of regret over having had her moment with Loki interrupted. With a groan, she brought her palms up to her eyes and applied pressure in an attempt to soothe the headache which had come upon her.
'Why is this happening to me? What am I going to do?'
A/N: Huhhhh poor kids. :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I have been so overwhelmed by the positive response to this story! Thank you all so much for your support!
sarahbearalove: Ugh, tell me about it! I kind of just want to scream at her for making stupid decisions! Oh wait... ;) Haha thanks so much for your review!
Chyanne200: Wow, that was really great to read! Thanks a bunch for that! I hope that I can continue on that road! :)
anon: Haha, I told you guys to enjoy it while it lasted! Don't worry, things will look up soon enough. Or will they? o_O
Gabrielle607: Thanks so much! I am sure glad you enjoy the angst to much, because there is definitely plenty more of that to come! And I agree, Loki drama is pretty much the best!
Dappledwing: Boom! Wish granted! Haha I hope it was satisfactory!
Deductions-of-Sherlolly: Doesn't it just kind of make you want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her? Aye, aye, aye. She is, at this point, the queen of poor decision making. *Shakes head in disappointment* Haha thank you so much for all your reviews! I look forward to them after every chapter!
pao: I am delighted to hear that! I hope this chapter is a good dessert after your dinner tonight. ;) Thanks so much for your review! I really appreciate your support!