Impossible to Love You
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to the brilliant Masashi Kishimoto-sama. I am not Masashi Kishimoto-sama, unfortunately.
Warnings: Incest.
Pairing: ItaSasu
A/N: Sorry, I updated later than usual due to stupid ass writer's block. But this chapter is longer so do forgive me! Updates are going to be even more sporadic from now on, I'm afraid, for my new term in university has commenced again, and I'm studying a challenging module in Business, way out of my social sciences league. Sigh. Kaira-chan15, wow I don't know why I can make funny speeches in stories, but never in real life. I'm a pretty serious person actually. Haha. Panzy Mistress, well actually I never really thought that my plot would end up this way, with every ItaSasu scene being unravelled so gradually. But I like it, and I'm glad you do too! And do you know, I strived on your last comment on wondering if Neji and Naruto had anything going to create the Naruto-love-Neji's-hair scene? So thank you for your inspiring review and please continue with lots more! XP xXxUchihaL0v3rxXx, I love 'Why have I fallen in love with you', 'Shine', 'A Thousand Years' Love', 'Holding Back The Tears', 'One', 'Dangerous Mind', all their acapellas… the list could go on actually. I'm just mad about DBSK. Especially Jae Joong, because of his pretty voice and looks! Have you heard his solos? They're awesome! Haha, poor thing, you share your birthday with that snake freak! Don't worry, I'm sure you're nothing like him. XD
When Itachi arrived home, it was dinnertime. Sasuke however, was no where to be found. He turned his gaze upon his parents.
"Where's Sasuke?"
"He called to say he wouldn't be back for dinner. Didn't he tell you?" Mikoto answered, her soft eyes widening in perplexity.
"…No."
Itachi settled down easily on the chair and tucked in to the food. To his parents and everyone else looking on in the room, his face showed no outward evidence of distress, but deep in his mind wild scenarios raced across and a surge of panic clutched at his heart with a vice-like grip.
Once he was done with dinner, a lone figure strolled into the dining room casually. Mikoto's full lips curved into a bright smile upon seeing Sasuke as he greeted them in his usual sullen manner. Fugaku nodded his head barely as he left the room. Mikoto spread her arms open. Sasuke walked to her reluctantly and she hugged him lovingly, tousling his hair.
"Kaa-san! I'm no longer a kid!" Sasuke frowned down at her petite build.
"You'd always be my baby in my heart. Now why didn't you tell your brother that you wouldn't be home for dinner? He asked about you the minute he reached home." Mikoto wagged a slender finger at Sasuke.
"Oh… I forgot. Sorry." Sasuke peered at his indifferent brother before returned his gaze to his mother.
"So how'd it go?" Mikoto asked excitedly.
"They liked me. I guess I won't be home for dinner everyday now. What would otou-san say though?" Sasuke bit his lips.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of him for you. Tell your brother the good news! He looks so curious." Mikoto winked at Sasuke and left the table.
"Where'd you go?" Itachi uttered.
"I went to look for another part-time job. I'm going to play the violin in a restaurant nearby our house. But I'm still continuing this job." Sasuke added quickly.
"Why did you look for another job?"
"I don't like to sit at the desk I guess. This new job gives me something to look forward to in the holidays." Sasuke shrugged.
"Orochimaru'd resigned."
"What!? What did otou-san say?"
"He'd already informed otou-san. He said it was about time for him to retire, that sneaky bastard." Itachi blurted, his hand clenching into a tight fist, his dark slanted eyes blazing.
"Well I suppose it's all for the better then." Sasuke said, reining in a fond smile at his brother's action.
Itachi looked up at Sasuke then, before thwarting his eyes quickly as he cleared his throat.
"Yes. I've got to go to my room now. I'll fetch you to school tomorrow."
"Nii-san…"
Itachi paused midway across the room.
"Your new girlfriend is really changing you. You're going to report to her later?" Sasuke smirked at the back of Itachi's long midnight black tail.
Itachi rounded on his heel slowly, ignoring the hushed sniggers of their servants around them. He dragged his feet purposefully to where Sasuke stood. Sasuke took a step back intuitively, looking up at Itachi's stoic face. Itachi's impossibly long arm stretched forward, and his finger struck Sasuke's forehead once again.
"Itachi!" Sasuke growled, rubbing his sore forehead.
Itachi smiled at him before wheeling back to walk away from. Sasuke stared at the vanishing back of his brother. It was rare enough to see a smile out of the expressionless mask, but something else was different. There appeared to be a hint of grief behind the smile. But Itachi's face was always irritatingly imperturbable, so Sasuke couldn't be certain.
Maybe it was love. People said love brought joy beyond measure, sometimes incredible pain. Sasuke wondered if the mysterious woman was bringing his brother pain.
The urge to rush forward to embrace his brother, to whisper words of comfort gnawed at Sasuke's insides, but his feet refused to budge. He stood firmly fixed upon the ground like a marble statue.
Once he was done with lazing in front of the television that broadcasted a two-hour special documentary about venomous snakes, he crept up to his bedroom, for it was already twelve midnight. He stole across the dark hallway past his parent's bedroom, where no light escaped the shut doors. They were fast asleep.
He tiptoed towards his brother's room, and stilled outside the door. A silvery-gold beam winded out from the corners of the oak door, indicating that his brother was still awake. He raised a hesitant hand to knock on the door, wondering if he should wish his brother goodnight, considering the recent light of events. A deafening bang from Itachi's room made him retract his hand instantly.
"Why did you do that!? I already gave you the money! What more do you want from me?" Itachi boomed from within.
Sasuke frowned to himself. Itachi was being blackmailed? By whom? And why? What did the person have against him? Sasuke streaked past Itachi's room and finally reached his destination, his heart convulsing against his ribs as he plopped face-down on his made bed. Sasuke buried his nose deep into the fluffy pillow, his mind a rollercoaster of fantastic conglomerations of exaggerated impending doom for Itachi.
A gigantic snake slithered towards Sasuke, its jaws gaping wide. A long forked tongue flickered out, almost touching Sasuke's nose as its fangs shone under the sun.
Sasuke stumbled away from it, crumbling into a sitting position on the soil as he stared at it dumbly. A wave of faintness overtook him and froze a sheet of ice over his body, making him numb to the point he couldn't feel himself.
At this moment, a long head of glossy black hair, slick with the snake's venom, tumbled out of the snake's wide jaws. A pale arm pushed its way through the snake's gums, and the head lifted to reveal an equally pallid face with a pair of golden eyes not unlike the snakes.
The snake monster grinned maliciously and opened his mouth to display a long, slippery tongue that caressed the lipless mouth amorously before flinging out towards Sasuke. Sasuke's blood turned into ice with a tumultuous mix of disgust and horror.
'No, don't! Don't touch me!' Sasuke shrieked frantically once he finally found the strength to lift his clammy hands in front of him to ward off his predator.
Sasuke sprung up as if his shoulders had springs on them, panting heavily.
"Orochimaru…" He spat the hated name in disgust. He rubbed away the tears angrily and pulled his covers up to his chest as an involuntary shiver frosted over his skin, creating goose bumps.
He turned his form away from the door, and squeezed his lids tight in a frail attempt to return to sleep. He could still hear his heart palpitating madly like a war drum, threatening to burst out of his chest.
Soft footsteps padded up towards his bed, and a tender touch lingered at his hair, damp with perspiration.
"Kaa-san, I'm alright. It was just a bad dream." Sasuke murmured.
The touch seemed to falter just the slightest bit, before shifting down to tuck the covers over him more tightly. He curled deeper into the warm bed, his heart rate slowing gradually. The dark flutterings of sleep enveloped him once again, and as he drifted slowly back into the dark abyss, he felt a warm linger of lips ghosting against his temple.
The very next morning, the family of four sat at the dining table, in their usual positions. However, the atmosphere was different. Someone was incensed, and Sasuke winced inwardly at the notion that his father was disappointed at him getting a job in the restaurant.
Sasuke pushed his food around the plate, his nerves teetering at the edge of panic. When Fugaku finally opened his mouth to speak, Sasuke almost dropped his cup of tea.
"Itachi. Where did your share of the company's funds go to?" Fugaku boomed.
Sasuke nearly fainted in relief, but his interest rapidly peaked at the mention of company's funds. Itachi calmly set his bowl and chopsticks down, and looked at Fugaku in the eyes and replied.
"I decided to do a bit of investing. It is a good time for the company to diversify."
"What gives you the right to make this decision?"
"It's my share of the funds, otou-san."
"No matter what, you should have sought my opinion first. Now just what did you invest in?"
"In Madara-san's new company."
"What!? You knew that—that!" Fugaku gripped his chest in utmost horror.
"He's changed, otou-san."
"Don't give me that crap! How dare you—"
"Now otou-san, don't get mad. Listen to Itachi first. I'm sure he has a valid explanation." Mikoto tried to sooth Fugaku.
"If you don't believe me, maybe you'd like to see him for yourself. It's been a long time anyways." Itachi said with the air of an iron calm.
"See him! I'll see him alright! And don't you even think you're let off the hook for a second! I'll speak to you after your work! We'll speak in the head office meeting room!" Fugaku growled, his ferocious black eyes shooting bolts of flame.
"Yes, otou-san."
Sasuke snuck a side-glance at his enigmatic brother when his parents left the room, before switching his eyes to his bowl upon his brother's inscrutable gaze on him.
"Are you feeling better?" Itachi questioned in his deep baritone.
"Yes… Nii-san… actually, I—" Sasuke stopped short, as realisation dawned upon him that they were not alone. The servants looked indifferent, almost inconspicuous, blending within the wall, but he had no doubt that they were burning with curiosity over the sudden riotous situation of the house. His questions had to wait.
"Yes?" A husky voice cut into his thoughts.
"I just want to thank you for yesterday. Without you, I'd have—" Sasuke wanted to maim himself at his poor choice of backup words. His chopsticks trembled furiously, and he bit his lower lip hard. Hateful tears burned in his eyes; the floodgate threatened to burst.
A gentle hand caressed his hair in calming strokes. He peered up through a stinging veil of mist, and smiled weakly at his brother, hardening his resolve.
"Don't worry. It's all over." Itachi reassured, his onyx eyes serious.
Sasuke raised his hand and rested it over Itachi's, his smile unwittingly growing broader. Itachi cast a glance at their hands before returning Sasuke's smile, though his palm lifted away from the jet black crowning glory.
The ride in the car rolled in its usual silence till Sasuke's lips parted.
"Nii-san… yesterday night I overheard your conversation over the phone. Did Madara threaten you with anything? And Orochimaru… he seemed to have some hold of you too… I vaguely remember him talking about your shameful deed…" A torrent of words gushed out of Sasuke's mouth.
Itachi's grasp on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles turning bone-white.
"Nii-san?"
"It's none of your business." Itachi finally replied coldly, his eyes fixed firmly on the road.
"It's our whole family business! This is serious!" Sasuke hissed.
"It's my own share anyway. Don't worry; your share is left untouched." Itachi said wryly.
"What!? How could you think of me in that way? Here I am, truly concerned, and you—" Sasuke broke off, unable to continue.
"It wasn't Madara. The money I was referring to yesterday was just a small bit. It concerns the person I love, who was in danger… but everything's fine now. Orochimaru had merely caught me having a brief affair with otou-san's secretary. I don't find the deed that shameful though." Itachi merely plowed on with a straight face.
Sasuke threw a furtive glance at Itachi's unfathomable side profile, slowly absorbing the new information into his brain stream. He finally leant back, reclining in his seat, deciding that it was the best he could dig from his impenetrable brother, and it could be the truth, though one could never tell with his elusive character.
Wait… otou-san's secretary? She was several years older, with an immaculate figure and a gorgeous face that was always perfectly made-up.
Her lips were full and luscious, constantly dipped in a deep shade of red the colour of scarlet blood that would have been tawdry on other women, but only intensified her pearly teeth and highlighted her caramel skin.
Her long, silky hair that fell over her shoulders in a tumult of loose curls was coloured a sweet honey-brown, complimenting her piercing brown eyes enhanced by black mascara.
Her long, shapely legs portrayed perfection; it was every girl's dream and every man's fantasy, and was always subtly revealed in a slit up a tight office skirt that clung to her every curve as she moved.
So Itachi liked this kind of woman; mature, confident with an intense aura of sensuality? Sasuke felt a dull ache at his chest as he snuck an unobtrusive glance over at his brother. The couple would certainly draw many heads on the streets…
"Nii-san, is your new girlfriend anything like otou-san's secretary?"
A tiny smile lifted the corner of Itachi's lips.
"No. She is nothing like her."
"How is she like then?"
"Why are you so interested, otouto?"
"Just curious." Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly.
"She is fair, with dark eyes and hair. And beautiful. There is nothing artificial at all about her. She's a natural beauty."
"So you mean she doesn't wear any make-up? She sounds like any typical young Japanese nerd."
"And she doesn't wear skirts, or dresses." Itachi's smile curved higher, and a twinkle at the corner of his feline eye could be seen.
"She's a tomboy!? How could your taste change so completely?" Sasuke asked in unmasked horror, his jaws agape.
"I love her for who she is. Otou-san's secretary was just a fling, foolish little brother." Itachi smiled down at Sasuke, before returning his eyes to the road.
Sasuke folded in his arms in indignation over his brother's name-calling, his lower lip pushing forward ever so slightly. Deep in his mind, however, he was marvelling at the mysterious woman who had the ability to capture his aloof brother's so completely, though there were bitter throes of envy whipping at his heart, he knew, instinctively, that this woman was Itachi's soulmate, and there was nothing he could do except to curb his brotherly jealousy this very instant, and wish them both happiness.
Inevitably, trapped within the confines of the general office, Sasuke bumped into a slouching redhead. This chance encounter immediately caused a vein at his temples to begin to throb. Sasuke leant against the pantry counter, resting his elbows a distance away from the redhead who was making coffee.
"You do have some guts, to return here after collaborating with the administrative manager to spike the headmaster's son's drink. Even the administrative manage had offered his resignation letter after what he did." Sasuke said coolly.
"I just heard that Orochimaru-san had quitted. I had asked him why, but he had merely told me he had health problems, and that he was going to spend his retirement in a quiet countryside. You mean he added something to the tea I gave you? Why would he do that?"
"He's leaving Tokyo?"
"He's leaving Japan actually, but he didn't mention where. Anyhow—"
"That jerk. How scheming of him to just leave like that. Why don't you leave too? The sight of you irks me."
"Sasuke, look. I'm serious when I said I don't know anything that happened between you and him. I had quizzed him about it, but he merely said that you were just, just an attention-seeking liar. I didn't believe him of course. He was going on and on about your wonderful qualities besides your looks when he got me hired, and even encouraged me to pursue you. Actually, that's just my ulterior motive, really. It's just to get closer to you." Gaara quickly went on in a single breath, his lines almost conjoined in a long sentence after spotting Sasuke's indignant intake of breath at the two words, 'attention-seeking liar'.
"How'd you even know that I work in this school, after just one night at the club? You're a stalker?" Sasuke accused bluntly.
"No, actually I was going to leave that night as it was, since we were strangers. But apparently Orochimaru-san was at the club that night too, and saw us together. He told me that he wanted to help me since I'm his friend's son…"
"That's too much of a coincidence isn't it?" Sasuke's lips pursed, his eyes boring into Gaara's unflinching ones.
"Yes, come to think of it… He kept giving me tips and even told me to bring you to the restaurant the other time…" Gaara revealed.
"Just what is that bastard up to?" Sasuke muttered sotto voce.
Gaara's low voice interrupted Sasuke's musings. "So what did he do to you?"
"None of your business." Sasuke flushed, whirling quickly on his heel away from Gaara as he attempted to leave the pantry. The moment his hand reached the knob, Gaara's palm rested flat against the door.
"What do you want?" Sasuke asked irritably, his back still facing the solemn redhead.
"Your forgiveness. You to accept me again." Gaara murmured against his ear.
He clutched his ear and spun around to meet Gaara in the eye.
"You're stepping into my personal space." Sasuke hissed through gritted teeth.
"But I've been in it more than once." Gaara purred, his second hand too diving towards the door, his lips quirking into a suggestive smile.
Sasuke slammed his hands on Gaara's wrists, wrenching Gaara's hands away from the door. He zoomed into Gaara's grimacing face, his forehead almost touching Gaara's.
"Don't you get ahead of yourself. Do you think I'll fall for your tricks so easily again?" Sasuke spat, his mouth twisted in a sneer.
"You don't believe me? But I'm telling you the whole truth…" Gaara's eyes reflected hurt. They glimmered in soft, bleary hurt, so seemingly sincere that Sasuke blinked in surprise. Was Gaara actually telling the truth? Or was he merely an oscar-award deserving actor? Sasuke released Gaara's hands slowly, and turned his back on him as his hand reached out for the knob.
"I don't know who to believe in anymore." Sasuke murmured as he left the pantry.
Sasuke returned to his desk, mulling over the recent events that seemed to colour his once mundane life with ugly splashes of harsh reality. How he longed to be a child again, so that he wouldn't be entangled in this intricate web of the adult world.
He rested his elbows on the receptionist desk, entwining his slender fingers together in his usual praying motion. His lips pressed against his interlocked index fingers. He paused in this stance for a long moment. It seemed to bring out a faded memory.
The lips on his forehead after his nightmare seemed familiar. Not familiar in the way his mother's lips were. His mother's lips were always soft, warm and full. Those lips were thin and slightly chapped. They had felt cool to the touch, a blissful comfort to his warm forehead beaded with perspiration from the horrible nightmare.
They felt exactly like Itachi's lips. His brother's lips. He remembered them vividly from yesterday at the office. It was etched into his memory, for he had never been kissed by his brother before, he had never felt such deep affection from Itachi, and he had memorised every detail of it.
So… Itachi had been watching him, knowing he would have a restless night? Sasuke almost blushed from the thought. It was an endearing notion though, and Sasuke held it close to his heart.
But there was another ringing familiarity to his brother's lips too. A hazy, incoherent puzzle of a piece of his memory tugged at his mind but refused to complete itself as it flitted away like a swallow in flight.
A ring from the office phone startled him. He frowned at the different tone of the ringing. It meant that it was someone from the office calling.
"Hello?"
"Sasuke. Come to my office now."
"Huh?" He replied intelligently.
"You heard me." The line went dead.
Sasuke scowled at the receiver. Itachi still kept up this veneer of aggravating detachment, which he loathed with his whole being. He ambled towards Itachi's office, and knocked smartly on the door.
"Come in."
Sasuke entered the office and stood within it awkwardly. Flashes of yesterday's incident flitted past his mind like a scattered series of ominous tarot cards which he refused to fit together. Itachi waved him over to sit, and he trudged to the chair at Itachi's desk.
"Where's the restaurant you're working in now?"
"Why?"
"Today's your first day of work there right?"
"Yes…"
"So where is it?"
Sasuke told him the address and name of the restaurant. Itachi rested his back against the chair, and removed his glasses.
"I'll fetch you to work. What time do you begin?"
"What for? There's no need to! Don't you need to work?"
"I do not like repeating my questions, otouto."
"I have to reach by 6pm." Sasuke sent a glowering look at his brother. Itachi remained unfazed by his stony gaze.
"It's near our house, so it shouldn't take too long." Itachi mused.
"But why do you want to do that? I can go there fine on my own. It's almost the same route back home!"
"What time do you end your work?"
"11pm. Nii-san, did you even hear me?"
"That's a little too late. I'll be fetching you home after work." Itachi disregarded Sasuke's words completely as he pursed his lips at Sasuke as if he was a disobedient child. Sasuke hated be treated as a child.
"I'm not a kid anymore! Why are you suddenly so overprotective? Even kaa-san won't do that!" He cried exasperatedly.
"It's too dangerous. Orochimaru—"
"Orochimaru has left Japan. So there are no dangers."
"Orochimaru? How'd you know?"
"Gaara told me. You see, apparently he has been up to something. He was the one who introduced Gaara to this school as you know, and according to Gaara, he kept urging him to woo me. That conniving snake is certainly up to no good, but he's already left the country, so you can relax."
"There might be other dangers. Can you trust Gaara?"
"It's not that I trust him, but I think whatever he said did make some sense. He really didn't seem to know what Orochimaru was up to. I personally think it's weird, why Orochimaru did all that for?"
"I don't know. I don't know. You'd better stay away from Gaara. You may think of me as unreasonable, I know you like him, but it's safer this way."
"I don't like him, nii-san! And I don't need your protection! I'm a grown man, for heaven's sake! Don't look at me as a boy!" Sasuke burst in indignation.
"I don't look upon you as a boy, Sasuke. The thing is, others don't too. You've grown into a very attractive young man…" Itachi's face sobered.
Sasuke stood up and fixed his palms firmly on Itachi's oak desk. "No one will spike my drink again. I am not as weak as you think I am." With those final words, he rounded on his heel swiftly and left the office.
When Sasuke returned to his usual desk, he felt a pang of regret at what he had said to his brother. They had certainly not been kind words.
All his brother had wanted to do was to protect him. His brother had shown such deep concern for him and yet all he had done was to rebuke him.
Sasuke felt remorse poking at his sides like a thousand needles, but yet he could not bring himself to apologise to his brother. Their family had not this custom, and he was on another hand, too headstrong anyway.
After his work at school, he darted away like a flying shuriken, so fast and sleek that no one could stop him. Itachi too, had been mercifully stuck in a long meeting.
Sasuke heaved a sigh of relief as he rounded a corner and strolled casually to his new workplace, and a gush of adrenaline pumped in his blood as he thought merrily of the music he could immerse himself into at the restaurant.
In the restaurant, he would play alongside a pianist, with the pianist taking centre stage, and he would be unnoticed as he never was back in his school days, and even during his part-time job in the KonoUchiha School of Music.
His heart took a sudden plummet as he thought of a particular pianist. Itachi was brilliant at the piano. His symphonies moved everyone to tears, including Sasuke himself. The melodies he created ranged from the whisper of spring water to the magnificent boom of thunder, and his fingers flew like fluttering nightingales, in their search for a mate wondrous notes of dark silk and soft petals bloomed.
But Itachi didn't play now. He hadn't for a long time. Since he became the principal, he hadn't the time for leisure. Sasuke whipped the melancholic thoughts away from his head. He should be feeling a sense of excitement for this new job. Afterall, it was something he loved, a world of grandeur he could get lost in. It was his sweet escape from the throes of reality. His only escape.
Two pairs of eyes hidden behind sunglasses followed the lumbering gait of the sombre young man who finally disappeared into a restaurant before speeding off towards the dying ember remains at the dark horizon.