Impossible to Love You
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to the brilliant Masashi Kishimoto-sama. I am not Masashi Kishimoto-sama, unfortunately.
Warnings: Incest, violence (?), swearings.
Pairings: ItaSasu.
A/N: Happy 2009!!! Over 100 reviews!!! What a lovely way to begin my new year! Sorry girls (and guys- hopefully), my school term is starting once again and all I've come up with is one chapter… Please don't hate me! From this chapter on things will start spinning out of control! I think. Haha. jhisk, I have typos!? Thanks for pointing out! I was really tired that day… and came out with the chapter within that day itself. Hope this chapter is better! Oh and I like Suigetsu too! Actually I've never watched Fight Club, haha but yea Jared Leto is hot. Moola Deena, sorry I couldn't manage an update before the new year, but I do hope u haven't forgotten about this story yet! roses-have-thorns911, you inspired me to write a 2nd time drunk Sasuke! THANK YOU so much! Hope you like it! ., I hope this chappie makes up for the lack of yaoi action in the previous! Oh and you're my 100th reviewer!!! *Hands YunJae cookies* XD Yes, my YunJae avatar! Aren't they the cutest couple on earth????? Skelie, thanks for complimenting me on my spelling and grammar! It's all self beta-ed and I was actually afraid there'll be lots of mistakes! But I always proof-read it twice before putting it up! XD
Sasuke snuck back to his home like a slick shadow in the inky night, fast and silent. He entered his own haven in safety, heaving a miniscule sigh of relief as he locked his door.
He padded into his bathroom and sat by the bathtub as he dabbed some ointment onto his tender wounds, cursing softly under his breath. He had no choice but to put on a long sleeved shirt the next day. A nasty elongated bruise running across his right arm was glaringly obvious in the mechanical lights of the bathroom.
He winced at the mere thought of raising his parents' suspicions. It had been hell when his parents had last found out about his past allegiance to the Hawk.
He had since turned over a new leaf, devoting himself to his old love of music, but lately it hadn't been sufficient as an outlet of expression. He contained too much anger within him; anger that could only be soothed by more violence.
It wasn't the alarm that woke him the next day. There was never a need for the countless alarm clocks that had been destructed under his wing on a Sunday. It was a familiar damp stickiness beneath him; that cut his wonderful dream short and brought him back to reality.
He slapped his face onto his palms at the cause of his crude awakening. Itachi, again. Lately his body had been bothered by erotic fantasies of his cursed longing for a distant dream— his very own brother.
He wished they weren't related, but every glance at a reflecting beam told him that they were bound together since their births; every ounce of their blood running within shared the same genetic components. He looked out of the window.
The sky was still a misty grey in its morning glory, with the tiniest flashes of sun at the horizon threatening to break the morning spell with its dawning. He had to act fast to remove the stark evidence of his bodily betrayal. He hurried to the bathroom, dragging his soiled sheets along.
Once his bed sheets were cleaned he plodded down the stairs grumpily, settling down at the dining table where his father and mother were already seated, or so he had thought. When he looked up to greet them good morning, he recoiled in shock.
"Good morning, kaa-san, Madara-san. Where is otou-san?" He asked quickly to hide his shock.
"Sasuke dear, haven't you noticed? Your father's been out for business trip this whole week. He will only be back after next week. Has anything happened between you and Temari-chan?" Mikoto asked, concerned.
"Nothing, kaa-san." He bit his lower lip, keeping a burning question to himself as he took a long glance at Madara.
"Mikoto-san, thank you for such a lovely breakfast, as usual. I'll be going off with Itachi-kun now! See you soon, Sasuke-kun!" Madara waved cheerfully as he stood up from his seat.
Sasuke's ears perked at the mention of Itachi. He whirled his head around towards the staircase and caught sight of his brother's usual stoic face. Their eyes met together in an electrifying gaze, and he quickly tore his eyes away, returning his attention to his neglected meal.
After the pair left, the question finally burst out of his seams.
"Kaa-san, why is Madara-san having breakfast with us? I mean, isn't it strange? Just a while ago, he was still estranged from the family…" He trailed off awkwardly.
"Darling he's just misunderstood by your father. True, he might have been rather— how do you say it— unruly, when he was younger, but he has truly matured. I can see it, through our conversations these days. He has changed, from the young man your father had often described. And he is rather charming, I must say." Mikoto giggled.
Sasuke stared at her, his eyes wide and unblinking. Did his mother just giggle? However, her expression changed instantly as she took note of him.
"Aren't you warm? It's near summer. Don't tell me you've caught a cold?" Mikoto asked, her brown eyes soft with concern.
"No… I merely turned the air-con temperature too low yesterday night, that's all." Sasuke lied lamely, knowing this excuse couldn't possibly last him the whole day, much less for the next few sessions at the Hawk he wanted to go.
The only way he could leave unscathed for now is to escape to Hawk again. There was no way he could stay at home the whole day to face his mother. And he had no desire to meet his friends either. None of them understood how he felt now, nor ever would.
"Kaa-san, I'm going out with Temari today, till late. So don't bother fixing me dinner."
"All of you have grown up, leaving me alone. But never mind, seeing that you're still on good terms with your sweet girlfriend. Do bring her home again soon though! Oh and I'm still waiting for the Kusatsu trip's photos!" Mikoto smiled brilliantly.
Sasuke nodded mutely before vanishing up the stairs. His guilt had just gotten heavier with his mother's unsuspecting words. There was never a girlfriend, and there never would be.
What was worse was his current infatuation with an impossible entity. His mother would kill herself if she ever found out. He had to do something about the photos too. Sasuke gritted his teeth in mild annoyance.
Karin curled her arm around his as he made his entrance into Hawk, beckoning Juugo and Suigetsu to get him a seat.
"What the bloody hell do you see us as, you bitch?" Suigetsu shouted even as he made his way over.
"What's wrong with getting Sasuke-kun a seat you asshole? He was the one who created this club or has your pathetic pimple of a brain forgotten?" Karin retorted harshly.
"Right right both of you stop it. Sasuke, just take a seat at the front aisle. It's for VIPs, as you remember. Or do you want to fight?" Juugo asked.
"…Not yet. We'll see how things go." Sasuke replied tersely. He made his way over, with Karin tagging along, and observed the matches listlessly.
In the middle of a rowdy match his cell phone rang. He flipped it open and glared at the caller. Naruto. What the hell was he calling for? He left his seat swiftly, exiting Hawk through the back door. He leant against the wall and shut his eyes as he answered the call.
"What?"
"Where are you now? Since the Kusatsu trip you have been ignoring us."
"I'm at home. Feeling sick. Oh I need the photos from the trip by the way. My mother wants to see them. Are they developed yet?" Sasuke asked monotonously.
"Yes. I brought them. I can see you at the back door of Hawk, by the way. Have all the punches you've received gotten you sick in the stomach?" Naruto said dryly.
Sasuke opened his eyes instantly and surveyed his surroundings, his dark eyes narrowing at the sight of Naruto and Neji. He flipped his phone back shut and stuffed his hands into his pockets, waiting for them to approach him.
"SASUKE-TEME!!! Why have you returned to this place again!? You're such an idiot!" Naruto shrieked at him, brandishing his fist whilst Neji wrapped his arms around Naruto's chest in a bid to calm him.
"It's none of your business. If you want to fight, just go in." Sasuke sneered, folding his arms together.
"You're on! If I win this fight you'll stop this nonsense!"
"You'll never win me, usuratonkachi."
"Teme!"
"The two of you, stop it this very instant! Naruto, I brought you here to stop Sasuke from his wrongdoings, not to be his accomplice! And Sasuke, if you still refuse to come along with us I'll call the police to inform them of your shady activities." Neji threatened.
Naruto turned onto Neji just as he was about to dial, and flung his phone across the alley. Neji stared at him, stupefied for the briefest of a second, before his eyes narrowed and he set his arms akimbo.
"Naru—"
"You can't do that to Sasuke! We're all friends!"
"Your darling boyfriend is really stupid, Neji. I wonder what you see in him. I'm going in. Follow me if you want to fight." Sasuke smirked and sauntered back in. Neji caught hold of his arm and held it tight.
"Wait, tell us why you're back here again first. We know something's been bothering you, and it must be something really terrible that's why—"
"Shut up Neji. If you guys can win me I will tell you."
"Alright! We'll take you on you bastard!" Naruto yelled, charging in first.
Sasuke curled his upper lip in annoyance and entered the Hawk, his fists tightening. Why were they so insistent? This time he had to fight to protect his secret. And he couldn't fight them together, they were that good. He leant in towards Karin's willing ear to inform her of his two fights.
He glared at Naruto, who returned his death glare, as they stood within the cage.
"You're bloody lucky that Neji refused to partake with this shit! Just because it's illegal and whatever, the stupid prick! But I'll take you down!"
"Just shut your trap and fight." Sasuke growled. And Naruto lunged.
Naruto threw a dizzying fast fist that he barely dodged, and rasped, "Tell me, what led you back to Hawk? We heard from Itachi that you've been acting weird and shit, and he noticed you wearing long sleeved shirt at home, which you haven't not since Hawk!"
Sasuke stood still for a moment at the mention of Itachi. And got slugged at his stomach which blew the wind out of him.
He clutched his stomach as he rushed towards Naruto in a flash, desperate to end this fight. They scuffled together onto the ground, limbs entangled in a flurry that it was quite impossible to make out who was winning.
Finally, the onlookers could see Sasuke throttling the life out of Naruto. Neji broke into the cage, and kicked Sasuke's head with his heavy foot. Sasuke rolled out and coughed up ruby-red blood, his red-rimmed eyes sending a chilling glare towards Neji, who was helping an almost delirious Naruto up.
"Why are you interrupting!? I was going to fling him off with a kick! Now it's as if I've lost the fight!" Naruto shrieked like a banshee.
"Stop all this! I don't want to see either of you killing each other! Sasuke, have you no remorse!?"
"Sasuke wins once again! Cheers to the almighty Uchiha!" Karin's voice resounded throughout the dark club and cheers erupted.
"You've heard it. You lost. Now get out of my sight." Sasuke said coldly, wiping his blood off with a brush of his hand across his lips.
"I'll get Itachi to speak to you." Neji replied, unruffled. Sasuke lost it, once again, upon hearing the name, and attacked Neji, his hands clawing towards Neji's pale marble neck.
It took Juugo and Naruto to stop him, and Juugo locked his struggling arms firmly behind his back as Naruto and Neji stared dumbly at him.
"Did… Itachi do anything to you?" Neji asked softly, his fingers grazing his bruised neck.
"NO! No. Karin, get them out." Sasuke hissed, shoving Juugo away as he attempted to retrieve his calm.
The couple walked out silently, with Neji helping a limping Naruto as they turned their heads several times at their friend, the memory of his wild eyes when they had each previously mentioned his brother's name etched deep in their minds.
He exited the cage shortly after their leaving and strode up the stairs dully. None of the Hawk members dared to speak to him as they watched him walk off. They knew from experience he was not to be trifled with when he got into one of these moods.
"Hey kid. You've got plenty of potential. Want to join our gang? We're the biggest in the district." A man with slick grey hair asked Sasuke with a wide Cheshire cat grin plastered on his arrogant face.
"No. I've no interest in gangsters. Here we fight to release our emotions, not just for the mere joy of killing."
"What!? You fucker! A human's agony is the most beautiful release one can get!"
"Shut up, Hidan. We're to recruit him, not scare him off." A heavily masked guy next to the apparently psychotic man chided.
Sasuke stared at the both of them. They both looked dangerous, and it seemed as if they were ordered by someone to recruit him. That must mean they must have had been spying on him all this while, and the menacing aura he had felt all this time had been, unmistakably, them.
"The two of you have been tracking my movements recently, right? What does your leader want with me?"
The masked man raised his brows in mild surprise. "You actually think, unlike my partner. Consider our offer, and we may consider telling you."
"I said no. Do you want me to take you down before telling me the truth?"
"Why you little fucker! Come on! I can take you anytime!" Hidan thumped his chest proudly.
"Shut up, Hidan. I still want my pay from Boss. Since you so flatly refuse, boy, I have no choice but to report it. I look forward to seeing you again. Hopefully then we would be ordered to have a tussle with you." The masked guy answered Sasuke as he struck Hidan's head none too gently before dragging the grey-hair man away.
Sasuke stared at the two men walking away; know full well that currently he was in great peril. And he did not know who it was who seemed to want his life. Great.
Somehow, his feet led him to a bar. He reclined in the familiar darkness and took a large swig of his drink. He wanted to pull himself free from all the troubles. This was the only way to forget.
He took draft after draft of rum, whiskey, tequila, sake— so many different types of alcoholic beverages that figures blurred in his eyes. His phone rang at the moment, and he answered it tipsily.
"Sasuke… here. Who're… you?"
"Itachi here, otouto. Where are you now? Kaa-san is worried. You've been staying out late these days."
"I'm… at a bar? I don't know where… near Hawk I think…" Sasuke slurred groggily.
"I'm coming right over. Don't move from your seat." Itachi said in a clipped tone before cutting off the line. Sasuke nodded to the phone and smiled dreamily to himself. Itachi… was worried. Or was it kaa-san? No… he definitely sounded concerned. Sasuke felt deliriously and ridiculously happy.
But his frail bubble of felicity burst when he realised that what Itachi felt for him was only brother care. He choked down a sob that chafed his throat and buried his head under his arms, shrouding the tears that fell like cold rain from his eyes.
As he was gradually slipping into unconsciousness a familiar strong grip around his waist shook him awake. He looked up at the individual who stared back at him with a black stony gaze that betrayed no emotion.
"You're finally here…" Sasuke smiled and wrapped his arms around Itachi, before tilting his head up and pressed his lips toward his stunned brother's immobile ones.
The bartender shifted his eyes away while he pretended to busy himself with the drinks. Itachi couldn't tell whether it was because of the fact that he had just witnessed two men kissing or it was because the bartender had thought the pair looked related and shouldn't be kissing.
He tore his lips away from a resisting Sasuke, albeit grudgingly, and hoisted him bridal style, muttering "Foolish little brother," under his breath as he strode out of the bar deliberately.
He had no idea who was the person his brother was waiting for, but it was certainly a blessed person who didn't know how to cherish his little brother, for him to end up in such deplorable state.
When he finally placed his brother into the back of the car, Sasuke clung hard to him, refusing to let go.
"Bad… bad people are after me! I'm scared! They're going to… k-kill me…"
"What're you talking about? Who's after you?"
"One of them is called Hidan… Grey hair… the other… masked…" Sasuke murmured.
Itachi stilled, before caressing his brother's flushed face. "Don't worry. I'll protect you."
"I love you." The words fell from Sasuke's lips like molten gold as he doved in towards Itachi's lips again, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. He sucked and licked desperately, frantically, as if pleading Itachi to open his mouth.
But Itachi's lips remained pursed as he tried to push his brother back down. He had no rights to touch his brother again. It was wrong. And he could be watched anytime—but when Sasuke bit into his lower lip harshly and pressed his warm palm against Itachi's throbbing manhood, a tumult of raging emotions shattered every semblance of rational notion.
His lips parted and his tongue dashed into Sasuke's willing mouth, and their tongues wrestled in a slick carnal dance as he cradled Sasuke's face. Itachi's tongue curled up against the roof of Sasuke's mouth in a tingling graze, eliciting a shudder from the firm body beneath him.
Sasuke unbuttoned Itachi's shirt clumsily, his errant hands probing the muscled chest and toned abs, sending tiny electic spasms down Itachi's spine. Sasuke moved his lips down from Itachi's lips and nibbled and suckled deeply at the corner just under the side of his jaw.
Itachi slipped his hand under Sasuke's jeans after tugging down the flyer, cupping the warm hardness that only seemed to grow harder with his touch. Sasuke released a moan— a soft, incoherent sound that slid from his lips like a musical note, his entire torso dissolved into a puddle of pleasure as he arched in sheer wanton need.
"Oh… I… I…" Sasuke gasped as Itachi stroked him intimately, heating him up in places he never knew existed. When Sasuke finally released in a tiny scream, Itachi shrunk back in horror.
He stared at his sticky hand that had betrayed him, and his mind replayed the filthy images that he had acted out. He had taken advantage of his own brother when he was drunk, again. And this time, when his brother was thinking he was the man that he loved, too! Disgust surged through every fibre of his frame, and he lifted himself off his intoxicated brother in haste.
Before he closed the door, however, he swung around, taking a last look at his brother, who stirred slightly with a gentle smile on his face. He sighed as he closed the door softly, as bouts of intense sorrow alternating with immense guilt overwhelmed him.
Sasuke awoke once again, to the sticky discomfort in his pants. He looked down upon his body, groaning as a severe pain throbbed at his temple. Oddly, this time, his fly was open, and there was, significantly, less stickiness in his pants. It was as if someone had…
He sat up straight. He couldn't have let a stranger touch him once again, could he? He was such a dangerous drunkard. He pressed his fingers against his temples, deep in concentration. He remembered saying the three damned words to someone… he had probably thought that person was Itachi.
Did Itachi witness him kissing some random person again? Or… what if… it was his older brother he had kissed? A surge of panic clutched at his chest.
No… No… he tried to convince himself, to no avail. He had not drunk enough last night to erase all memories. The images started off vague and misty, but slowly took form in his mind. Now all he could hope for was that he hadn't uttered Itachi's name. Or called him nii-san.
Wait… but his brother had reciprocated?
Sasuke's heart stopped. And beat so furiously he was sure it would burst right out of his chest.
What was the meaning of this? There was no way he could ever find out, there was no way he could even face his older brother now. Sasuke felt like locking the door and cooping himself in his room for the whole day—no, for an eternity if he could.
His index finger touched his lips tenderly, as he recollected Itachi's kiss. It was weirdly familiar… the intensity had felt like… the time when he first went to club with Naruto and the others! Itachi was the stranger! Why did Itachi touch him? Did he feel the same way for Sasuke too?
A maelstrom of emotions swept over him like a tidal wave, washing away the strength in his body, causing his back to crash against his headboard. At that moment his door swung open, and he looked up dazedly.
A pair of onyx eyes drilled down upon him, and he involuntarily shivered at the intensity of the blackness that seemed to absorb all light and reflect none.
Sasuke spotted the discoloured mark along Itachi's jaw and the slightest hint of pink adorned his marble skin when a flashback of the previous night struck a deep chord in his mind.
The pair of obsidian orbs so like his own flickered down his torso quickly, before focusing on his face.
"Aspirin. And cover yourself up." Itachi muttered darkly, a slight edge of uneasiness creeping into his voice as he set the pills and water on the side table and left abruptly.
Sasuke looked down at his exposed boxers, and a deep scarlet emblazoned his cheeks as he pulled his zip up hurriedly and pulled the bed covers over his entire frame. There was no way he was stepping out of his room today. He couldn't possibly go to school to face Itachi in his current mental state. He could only feign sickness.
He pressed his cold sweaty palms onto his face, holding in check a shrill scream that threatened to whip itself out of his burning throat.