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Chapter 17: The Goldfish
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Summary: What if Harry wasn't taken in by Petunia? What if, instead, he was taken in by another wizard who moved into number four after Petunia forced her family to move to avoid taking in the freak? Neutral!Harry
Beta: Cauchy! Big thanks to her for being my beta! This means less confusing words and spelling errors and brains flying around.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own character. Including the several lines I did take from the book.
A/N: It looks like Chapters will have to start becoming bi-weekly. Since I need to flesh out a lot of original ideas and research, this will be much more difficult to write.
Thanks to all my reviewers/favoriters/followers! I really appreciate your support!
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Harry was jolted awake by Draco slapping his face.
"Wh…What?!"
"You collapsed," Draco said, worry in his voice. The lights were back on and the train was, once again, moving at a swift pace to Hogwarts. The worried faces of Nott and Hermione were hovering over him. "One second you were in your seat, the next, a dementor came in and you just slid off."
"I heard… someone… someone's gonna die!" Harry babbled, panicking a little. With a chill that traveled right through his stomach, Harry realized who's voice had spoken last. "Cygnus is going to kill someone! We have to stop him!"
"Mate, you okay?" Nott asked, frowning. "Your dad's probably at home, sleeping or something. You sure you weren't dreaming?"
"I… wha?" Harry fell into a confused stupor, his eyes wide. A loud SNAP made him jump into the air and whirl around, his hands shaking. He spotted Lupin breaking an enormous bar of chocolate into pieces with a small hammer.
"Here," Lupin said, offering a piece to each student. "Eat it. It'll help. Excuse me, I have to speak to the conductor."
Lupin strode out of the room as Harry held the chocolate in his hands.
"What happened…?" Harry asked.
"The dementor came in… It was so cold," Draco whispered. "And it just sort of… stared at you…"
"You were having a fit or something," Nott added.
"Then Lupin stood and said, 'None of us are hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go!' but the dementor didn't move…" Hermione continued, plainly not interested in the food, her hands shaking despite the warmth of the cabin. "It didn't move…"
"So Lupin whispered something and shot silvery stuff at it and it sort of… glided away," Draco finished. "The lights came back on, and the train started moving again but you were still passed out."
"What did you hear?" Nott asked. "Dementors drag up your worst memories. You talked about your dad going to kill someone. I thought your dad was a wardist."
Harry flinched violently and whispered, "I thought so too…"
Lupin came back to a heavy atmosphere. He smiled a little and spoke. "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know." He left again to the opposite end of the train to see if any of the other children were affected by the presence of the dementor.
Harry took an absentminded bite of the sweet, creamy chocolate and felt a rush of warmth settle down into his very bones. His shoulders slumped a little, relaxing in the heat. It was as if he was being dipped into a warm bath on a cold day.
He finished his chocolate quickly, watching Draco and Nott engage in a conversation but not really listening.
Harry knew his dad had killed before. Cygnus had told him himself that he had killed one of his best friends that had succumbed to rabies. So, why had the thought of Cygnus killing someone—knowingly and with the clear intent, freaked him out so much? It wasn't as if they appeared to be innocent either, if the 'smacking head' part was true.
Perhaps it was the difference of self-defense and murder. He didn't want to face the fact that his dad was a murderer.
Wouldn't be that much different than you. Remember Ginny? Harry's conscious whispered to him. He brushed the thought away, shivering from the memories the name brought up. Harry finally understood why Cygnus was unable to speak of his dead friend's names. The merest thought of Ginny's name made the torrent of memories rush to the surface.
Harry frowned as he watched Draco take a tentative bite of the chocolate. Draco was so naïve. On the other hand, Harry was willing to bet that his father was anything but. He paused, recalling the conversation he had with Draco in the Leaky Cauldron.
"So… is your father going to hear about this?" Harry asked his voice lighter than his thoughts.
Draco choked on a chunk of chocolate and glared at Harry. Harry laughed and grinned at Nott.
"Well, you did say that your father would hear about it if the dementors got within ten feet of you. And that was definitely less than ten feet," Harry said, his face splitting into a grin, trying to distract himself from the chilling words from the dementor's visit. "So you're going to tell him, right?"
"We could have been kissed," Nott whispered, his smile dropping abruptly and his voice filling with horror. "We could have lost our souls if Professor Lupin wasn't here…"
An uneasy silence filled the compartment. Lupin came back to see the children exchanging nervous glances, Harry fumbling with the edge of his shirt.
"I spoke with the conductor. We should be there in about an hour," Lupin said briskly. "You alright there, Harry?"
Harry didn't look at Lupin. "Fine," he muttered, leaning against the seat and taking deep breaths. He looked at Draco, wondering how to lighten the mood but not knowing what to say.
It occurred to Harry that he hadn't introduced himself to Lupin, but then he figured that Harry Potter wasn't exactly an unknown face. So he finished his chocolate and spoke.
"Draco, have you seen Grim? I haven't seen him since we settled in and he's not under the seat anymore," Harry asked, wanting the comfort of his pet, but not knowing how to find the massive dog. It was unusual for the dog to go missing for so long, but the presence of the dementor might have spooked the poor canine. Harry wouldn't have been surprised if the dog bolted out the compartment when Hermione had entered—that amount of chill and darkness was enough to last a lifetime.
"Huh?" Draco snapped out of his thoughts and blinked a little, processing the words. "Oh. Grim? Not since the dementor… I guess even grims get scared of dementors."
"He's not a real grim," Harry said, slightly amused. "I suppose I'll wait for him to show up then." He gave a weak smile but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Hey, Harry, you heard about Black, right?" Nott asked.
Lupin froze at the doorway, his back stiff. Harry didn't notice, though Draco did.
"Yeah, what about him?" Harry asked.
"You scared? Rumor is, he broke out to attack you," Nott continued.
"That mass murderer? Oh, Harry…!" Hermione gasped, horrified.
"No," Draco cut in, shaking his head. "No, no, no. Drop the thought Granger. Clear out that bushy head of yours. We are not talking about the killer here." He glanced at Lupin who relaxed a little. "We just went through our worst memories. No need to pile more on with the speech of what Black could do to poor Harry here."
Harry shot Draco an amused look.
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Cygnus sipped the wine in his hand delicately as Narcissa talked about Draco's childhood. Lucius was clearly humoring her, letting her talk, but not inputting any stories of his own.
"Cygnus," Lucius said gently. "Have you had enough to eat? Would you perhaps, like another serving of tart or pudding?" He smiled at the wardist and Cygnus shook his head a little.
"It was quite delicious. Thank you," Cygnus replied. Lucius nodded and seemed pleased with the response, standing up and walking towards Cygnus' chair.
He glanced at his wife who had paused in her story and added, "Then shall we move to the sitting room to relax?" Lucius offered, "Unless you have some pressing business, Cygnus?"
Cygnus shook his head and he stood to follow the two. Lucius had asked for permission to address Cygnus by his given name and had mentioned that Cygnus could do the same with them. Cygnus was still a little torn on what Lucius expected from him, but he played along.
They settled in the sitting room and closed the door. Cygnus sat in an armchair, sighing deeply.
"A knut for your thoughts?" Lucius asked, noting the contemplative stance that Cygnus was sporting. Cygnus' eyes flicked back to Lucius and he smiled lightly.
"You could pay me more than just a knut for them, Rich Kid" Cygnus said, his voice laced with amusement. Lucius laughed and Narcissa's eyes softened at Cygnus.
"You seem troubled, my friend," she said carefully.
Cygnus sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "I am," he admitted. "Considering how dangerous Hogwarts has been for Harry's past two years… I was hard pressed to find a reason for him to continue. The basilisk… Riddle… And the whole fiasco with Quirrell. What do you think they will have this year? Maybe some vampires? Some zombies?"
Lucius laughed, but his voice was hollow. "Much worse. This year, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is housing dementors. Black is on the loose."
"The nutter that killed a bunch of people in the street?" Cygnus asked. His face scrunched up with confusion and he added, "Dementors?"
Lucius smiled weakly. "Dementors guard our prison, Azkaban. They force you to experience your worst memories and, if they get close enough, can administer the dementor's kiss which renders you soulless."
Cygnus' eyes were very wide. "And Albus allows this?" he asked breathlessly. "He allows these horrors to be moving around the school?"
"Oh, he doesn't. He absolutely forbids them from coming near the school, so they have been around the grounds instead," Lucius smiled. "But the Minister insisted so… here we are."
"I fail to see how dementors would affect the insanity of Black. People who aren't sane don't feel despair the way we do. If anything, their worst memories would just influence the insanity," Cygnus said grumpily, not very happy about the situation. "What do we do?"
"Until Black is caught, I doubt there is anything we can do about the dementors," Lucius said, sitting in a chair. "After all, his target is your very son, Harry Potter."
Cygnus felt the blood drain out of his face. "Wh… what?!"
"Oh, you didn't hear?" Lucius asked, looking at Cygnus' shocked face. "Rumor was that Black was the Potter's Secret Keeper. You… do know what a Secret Keeper is, right?"
"I do," Cygnus acknowledged, his frown a little more prevalent. "Since the Fidelius Charm is used to protect, goblins have sometimes run into difficulties with it." Which was the understatement of the century, but Cygnus wasn't about to say so. He was positive the goblins would not appreciate the comment that they usually abandoned areas with the Fidelius Charm because they were unable to penetrate the Charm. Goblins detested the fact that Wizards could perform magic they could not unravel.
Lucius eyed Cygnus. Cygnus got the impression that Lucius was debating on whether or not to tell him, so he sat, waiting patiently. Lucius seemed to have decided on telling him, as he suddenly said, "How much do you know about Potter's past?"
"Enough. I wasn't privy to all the details of their lives, but since money exchange can outline the personalities, their lifestyle, and their personal habits, quite a bit," Cygnus said. He gave a slow grin, "And, yes, even yours, Lucius. Believe me when I say I have learned about all of your dirty little secrets."
Lucius snorted. "Like what?" he asked, a little interested. "Oh, wait, you can't tell anyone anyway."
Cygnus grinned and added, "No, not even to you." He leaned back in the seat and spoke again. "But why don't you recap to me what Black has done?"
Lucius' eyes glimmered. "You are so very Slytherin and you don't know it yourself."
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Harry sat grumpily at the Welcoming Feast. The food was spectacular, the chatter was cheerful, but Harry's mood was a bit sour. Upon arrival, McGonagall and Snape had taken him to the Hospital Wing and insisted he get checked over.
Draco glanced at Harry briefly but then looked away. He knew that Harry wanted to speak to his dad, about the memory. Dementors didn't drag up dreams or nightmares, only memories. That meant whatever memory Harry had of his dad had to have happened in reality. He wasn't really sure what the memory was about, but he was sure that Harry's dad would know.
Harry looked troubled all through the meal, even forgoing his usual treacle tart. The thought of his dad murdering someone in cold blood sent a chill up his spine.
What else had his dad withheld from him? Why wouldn't his dad tell him about the incident? If that was truly a memory, then when had it occurred? Why hadn't he remembered it until now? There were so many questions… and only his dad could answer them.
Adding to that, Grim had disappeared somewhere. Harry slumped into his seat, slightly worried without his dog.
He hoped the dog was alright.
As it turned out, Harry didn't really have to worry. Grim was flopped on his bed, watching them enter for the night and wagged his tail, jumping down the bed to greet him. Harry wrapped his arms around the dog and Grim stilled, letting Harry embrace him.
"I'm tired…" he murmured into the fur. "Sorry, Grim. Do you think you could accompany me tonight?"
"Harry, stop talking to your dog and go to bed," Nott said, flopping on his own bed with a sigh. "It feels so good to be back. I missed you too, Mr. Bed."
"You're talking to your bed," Draco said, looking amused. "I think you have more problems than Harry, Theo."
"Shut up. I'm tired," Nott said, rolling over and pulling the covers along. Harry walked to his bed, the familiar banter relaxing him better than the chocolate could. Hopefully, he wouldn't suffer any nightmares tonight. Bloody unlikely he wouldn't though. After what had happened today, Harry was sure he was going to suffer nightmares for the rest of the month.
Harry woke up hours later, screaming loudly. It appeared that someone had the mind to set up silencing charms around his bed though, because he could still hear Draco snoring from a few feet away. Harry's screams stopped and he rocked on the bed, his hands on his ears, trying to convince himself it was a nightmare.
"Pott-Rowan," a voice said calmly.
Harry jerked up, Grim's growls echoing in his ears. The curtain moved aside to reveal Severus Snape with a cup of tea in his hands and his wand in his other. It was plain to see that he had just woken up as well, as his hair was messy and his eye was twitching a little.
"I put up a silencing charm because I thought this would happen," Snape said, offering the tea. Harry took it with shaking hands, his eyes wide. "Are you alright?"
Harry opened his mouth to say, "I'm fine" but choked on the words. Instead he dipped his head and said, "No. No, I'm not."
Grim nudged his hand, giving a soft whimper. Harry pet the dog absentmindedly, his eyes haunted.
Snape didn't seem surprised. "Did you want to talk about it then?" he asked, sitting at the foot of the bed. "I promise, no one can hear our conversation, even if they are up."
"No," Harry said again, sipping the tea, the warmth relaxing him.
"I see," Snape said slowly. He eyed Harry carefully and added, "If you do ever wish to talk of it, you know where my office is."
Harry nodded, finishing the tea. "Did Cygnus tell you?" Harry spoke with a tone of bitterness, as if he hadn't wanted to show Snape his weakness.
"Hardly. I fought in the first Wizarding War," Snape said calmly. "I have seen death and I had nightmares for months."
"O… oh…" And Harry didn't really know what to say to that. Instead, he set the teacup aside and rolled over in bed. Snape watched him carefully, before rising to his feet.
While Harry wasn't very happy with Snape, he also knew that Cygnus had been saved by the man. Cygnus had told him as much. For that, Harry supposed that Snape deserved to know a little more than nothing.
"It was from the dementors," Harry said honestly. Snape stiffened and then sighed, relaxing.
"Do you want me to tell your father?" Snape asked. He eyed the large grim-like dog, but said nothing about it. Harry's comfort was more important than the animal taking up half his bed. If the mutt really did help, then Snape wouldn't say anything about it.
Harry peered over his shoulder, Grim and Snape looking at him calmly. Then he smiled a little.
"I want to speak to my dad privately," Harry answered. "But I suppose I can… can wait…" he hesitated in his words, not sure if he was trying to convince Snape or himself.
Snape eyed him and then stood up. "I will inform your father for you then."
Harry's eyed brightened and he smiled gratefully. "Thanks."
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In that single moment, Sirius Black's hatred for Snape vanished.
These past months, Sirius had been happy. He had been taken in by Harry's adopted father, been fed, and he was allowed to be near Harry. It was even expected of Sirius to protect Harry. This made Sirius quite happy.
He had missed his chance before, his hatred of Peter getting the better of him. Though what could he have done back in 1980? Peter had run; everyone had assumed Sirius as the traitor since they didn't know that Sirius and James had switched Secret Keeper. It was either track down the real Secret Keeper, or be thrown in Azkaban.
As it turned out, it didn't matter much. He had been thrown in Azkaban anyway.
But this time… this time he wasn't going to screw up. He wasn't going to leave Harry to his nightmares. He wasn't going to let Peter get his twitchy fingers on a strand of Harry's hair. Sirius was ready.
For a while, Sirius had debated on whether or not to tell Cygnus of his story. But he decided against it. If Cygnus didn't believe him, Sirius would lose his position of protecting Harry.
Sirius wasn't going to run away from his duties as godfather. Not anymore.
However, there were things Sirius couldn't do. Nightmares had plagued Harry for a while now, and Sirius, for all of his doggy companionship, was unable to chase them away. Harry must have gone through some rough times. Sirius would never forgive himself for not being there.
Cygnus was there though. Cygnus soothed the nightmares, the cries of terror, and the pain. And Harry responded to Cygnus' care quite well. It told Sirius that Cygnus was not the one to inflict the damage on his godson. He had found out more when Cygnus encouraged Harry to talk about the nightmares.
Harry had killed someone. Oh, how Sirius wished that he had been there to spare Harry the horror of murder. Albus would hear from Sirius Black, no doubt.
Though it appeared that Cygnus had already spoken to Albus about it. And Albus was doing his best to fix the problem.
But the dementors… The dementors this year just dragged up more nightmares. Sirius half wanted to chase the dementors out, but that would blow his cover. He needed to remain a dog so Harry could be comforted at night.
Remus Lupin was going to be a problem though. Sirius had barely escaped from him once on the train and wasn't keen on revealing his presence to his old friend. Remus probably still believed him to be traitor, which meant that, if Sirius wanted to stay at Hogwarts, he would have to restrict his movement to the Slytherin Common Room.
He lowered his head onto his paws, watching Harry cover himself with a blanket and Snape standing to alert Cygnus. What Sirius couldn't provide, Snape could. If Harry wanted Cygnus, Snape would get Cygnus.
After all, Snape had visited Cygnus a few times in the night in number four. Sirius could smell him when he padded down the stairs with Harry in the morning.
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Harry stirred in the morning to the smell of tea. He sat up, blurry eyed, trying to figure out what was happening. Grim was still sleeping, apparently exhausted. Harry couldn't blame him. The trip to Hogwarts had been long and tiring.
A cup of tea entered his vision and Harry looked at it, then stared at the hand that was attached.
It was Draco. Harry stared at him in surprise and Draco rolled his eyes.
"I know, I know. It's not a usual thing, okay? Don't get used to it," Draco said, grumpily, "Professor Snape told me to bring you to breakfast to get your schedule. He also added that you need some tea to help you wake up, as are probably tired. He mentioned that you didn't sleep well."
Harry took the tea, sipping it carefully. "Thanks, Draco." And he meant it too.
Draco huffed and shrugged, though Harry could tell he was genuinely pleased by the way his shoulders straightened. "Can I ask what the nightmare was about?"
Harry hesitated but then asked, "Can I trust you won't try to use it against me?"
Draco smiled a grim smile. "Once upon a time, I would have. But I'm asking as Draco, your best mate. I'm worried about you."
"Even if there is nothing you can do about it?" Harry asked, frowning.
"Even then," Draco agreed. "If anything, I can lend an ear. You can trust me."
Harry thought about what Cygnus had said about the Malfoys. He considered what Cygnus had warned him about… about not getting too close to the family because it was likely they would use him. Cygnus was wise, but he wasn't all knowing. So, once again, Harry decided to trust Draco.
He spoke about the nightmares.
Harry was well aware that these revelations could be used against him. But he squashed the unsettling feeling down, feeling the pressure from his terrors bleed out of his tense body as he continued to talk. Draco was a good listener, surprisingly, but Harry wasn't sure if this was because he was genuinely interested in Harry's worries, or if he was trying to fish for more information.
When he had finished, Draco sighed, refilling Harry's teacup with tea.
"You worry too much," Draco said. "Thinking about 'What ifs' and imagining up various situations in which your dad could have a rational reason to kill someone. Why don't you just ask him?"
"I… Don't know… I wanted to ask him in person… but…" Harry muttered, troubled.
"You have an owl," Draco reminded him. "Surely you could write a letter to your dad."
"But it's a private matter and owls take such a long time," Harry defended, looking worried. Draco rolled his eyes.
"Then have Dobby deliver it," Draco said. "He is a house elf. He can enter Hogwarts and leave it freely."
Harry gaped at Draco. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. In fact, Harry had totally forgotten about the elf in the midst of the entire ruckus surrounding the dementor.
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For the first time, Harry was actually looking forward to Defense Against Dark Arts. Lupin had proved himself skilled when he had rid them of the dementor on the train. Clearly, this professor was not a fraud. This meant that they actually might be learning something other than how to set pixies loose.
Draco, on the other hand, had taken to criticizing the tatty, torn robes that Lupin wore. He would speculate on how the man got the patches in the first place. Nott added his two knuts in.
"Maybe he was attacked by a dark wizard. He could be an Auror," Nott suggested. "Or he could have been ambushed by a vampire or a werewolf. Or mauled by a unicorn."
"I seriously doubt he'd still be alive after those attacks," Harry said, with grim amusement. He had written the letter as fast as he could, summoning Dobby for a delivery. Dobby took it happily, promising to give it to Cygnus right away.
Now that he had gotten the question out on paper and delivered the letter, Harry felt a little less burdened with the thought. He knew Cygnus would answer him, as he always had. Cygnus never lied to him.
Perhaps, Cygnus would want to tell him in person. It was, after all, a sensitive subject. If Cygnus had not told Harry of this yet, then there had to be a reason.
The more troubling question was why he had forgotten in the first place.
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Voldemort threw the book down in disgust, his red eyes narrowed. In the year following the construction of his temporary body, he had grown stronger - strong enough that he could move to another body, if he so wished it. For now, he was biding his time, waiting for his magic to restore itself.
Quirrell had been useful in getting him books. Books about "Nuclear Warfare". But most of the books he had gotten used terminology he had never even heard of. "Uranium" and "Plutonium" as well as "Radioactive" were just a few of the complex terms that littered the book. And on the first page too!
Voldemort was half tempted to drop the idea, just say that the muggles were mad and named things randomly, but the lure of power from nuclear warfare was too great. He needed to learn this material. Fast. Taking time to learn this would give the muggles more time to arm themselves with even more nuclear weapons that could potentially be used against him when it came to invading the muggle world. In addition, the ritual would be ready in less than a year and he needed to build his army back up… Perhaps he could capture a muggle in the industry to teach him these things.
The only issue was, that just because someone worked in their field and understood it, did not mean they could teach someone else. Voldemort thought back to his school years. No, the idea of kidnapping someone to teach him wasn't going to work.
Voldemort tapped his chair, his brow furrowed. He had contemplated taking the weapons when he found them, but the only issue was that the people who built those weapons were still out there. Tracking down each and every muggle that had a connection would be difficult and tiresome. Not to mention, it looked like the muggles had more weapons than Voldemort had first anticipated.
The more Voldemort read the more Voldemort started to believe that muggles were disgustingly underestimated. They were even more a threat than Voldemort could have ever dreamed.
"Even so… Magic is absolute," Voldemort murmured to himself. "It will not do to be fighting a war on two sides. I need to test out these weapons…" His eyes narrowed and he eyed the nuclear missile on the front cover of the book. "I will plan accordingly. If these are as destructive as the book says they are, then…"
Then… He would have to gain as many allies as possible before attempting to invade the muggle world.