Impossible to Love You
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to the brilliant Masashi Kishimoto-sama. I am not Masashi Kishimoto-sama, unfortunately.
Warnings: Incest, swearings.
Pairings: ItaSasu, NaruNeji.
A/N: I'm going to Japan for about 2 months for summer-exchange programme! Ok, I know it's a bad time now, but still, it's a chance in a lifetime! It may be good news or bad news for all dear readers and reviewers. I may suffer from Lack-of-English syndrome in Japan and update soon, or I may not have time to update at all! But fret not, I'm sure the invaluable experience will inspire me to come up with a great chapter! Maybe even a new story! I hope. neoandtheangrywhiteflag, and sesshy's numba1 gurl, thanks for loving my drama! I'm stilled worried readers might find it too wearisome though. Anyone who finds it too long-winded please inform me! Oh, neoandtheangrywhiteflag, I suck at dialogues I think. Everyone comments on my dialogues. Maybe I should speak more! I really want to see the fluffy side of their romance blossoming too but my naughty fingers won't listen to me. So sorry to all patient readers out there waiting for my ItaSasu to get it on! keikopanda102, thank you for even reviewing. I really really absolutely appreciate it. Uchihacest is the hot and taboo, that's why we LOVE it! It was actually what led me into the wonder world of yaoi! I dreamt of ItaSasu one day, decided they looked good together, and look where I am now. Oh my pervy mind. Yes Sasuke is the perfect uke. It's in his name. I simple can't stand him as seme. The SFH Team, thank you so much for the review. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. (I reread it a thousand times. Does it count?) I don't get as many reviews as other writers on the site, and this can be quite discouraging to me at times. But your review led me to carry on to this chapter, which seriously gave me quite a fair bit of trouble. Hence it is dedicated to you, Seth, and your team! I don't know if it's good, to me it isn't the best, but I hope you will like it.
A tough clamp down his shoulders shook him rudely from his pensive thoughts. He swivelled to pin the irritant with a glare, which further darkened into a Basilisk stare when he got a good look at the person, no, the duo, who had so rudely interrupted him.
"Hey kiddo. We're here for you again. I don't know what use our boss has for a kid, but he keeps insisting us to recruit you. So, what is your answer?" Hidan drawled.
"I know who your boss is. If he really wants me, he should just come straight to me. I have many questions for him." Sasuke replied darkly as he returned his gaze to the match.
"Motherfucker. You have no respect for us at all!" Hidan snarled, attempting to reach out to Sasuke, but was instantly halted by his partner.
"What!? Can't you see this fucking kid—" His voice screeched to a halt as he looked past Sasuke, his usually haughty gaze almost afraid.
Sasuke turned only feel his mood worsening. It was as if an iron fist had caught hold of his heart and given it a tight squeeze. Itachi stood shrouded in a black coat, his eyes shooting a baleful glare at the two men.
"What are the two of you doing here?"
"Well, it's not like we like to be here. I hate kids. But we were ordered to—"
"He ordered you?" Itachi's velvety voice seemed to caress the atmosphere like an icy knife at the throat.
"You didn't know? Guess you're not his favourite like you think you are." Hidan jeered, the haughtiness in his eyes returning.
"Leave now. I'll explain everything to him later." Itachi merely spoke as if he hadn't heard Hidan's words.
"Alright. We'll get back to your request soon, kid." The masked man directed his last words towards Sasuke, as he slapped a hand over Hidan's mouth and dragged him away.
"What is this request about, Sasuke?" Itachi immediately questioned, his onyx eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"It's got nothing to do with you. Are you so unhappy that Madara might have other plans than making you his successor?" Sasuke said snootily, still staring at the match.
Itachi grabbed onto his shoulders and looked deep into his eyes, disconcerting Sasuke with his mysterious Cimmerian gaze.
"Sasuke, you had better not get into any tricks unless you want our family to get into greater misfortune. Otou-san's life is in peril now, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to anything to happen to him. So think carefully about what you are about to execute next." Itachi said solemnly.
"You're threatening me? I'm telling you right now that I won't back down without a fight, Itachi. Now get out of my club. You have no right to be here." Sasuke retorted in fury.
"Foolish otouto. You really don't get it, do you? Do not try anything funny, or otou-san will die!" Itachi almost growled in his deep baritone. If Sasuke hadn't known he was such a magnificent actor, he would have fallen for his trick.
"You're not welcome in the club unless you want to fight."
"Have you forgotten how our parents felt when they realised you set up such kind of underground activity?"
"Don't start on filial piety here. You are even more disappointing to the family than I ever will be. Collaborating with an outsider even to the point of killing your own mother—all for the sake of riches!" Sasuke spat viciously, his fist wrenching Itachi's shirt as his face swooped dangerously close.
Itachi sighed inwardly. His brother must have inherited the stubborn genes from their father. He had to get him to a quieter place to set him straight. He took the opportunity to grab Sasuke's wrist as he pulled him out of the club, clamping his palm over Sasuke's lips to silence the struggling teen.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" Sasuke instantly raged the moment he was released at the alleyway.
The streets were drowned in a black torrent of rain that dissolved the flickering lights of the alley. The pelting rain from the inky sky resembling the very colour of their eyes soaking through their clothes into their skin only served to fuel his anger. He hated rain for the cold it brought.
"I just want you to heed my words. Now, otouto, all you should do is to handle otou-san's business till he is released. Do not bother about anything else. I know he has handed everything for you to take care of, but I'll be here to help in case you're overwhelmed. I still need to secure my inheritance." Itachi quickly added when he saw Sasuke taking a deep breath in a bid to retort.
"What makes you think I'll listen to a fucking murderer?"
"Otou-san will die if you don't heed my words and play around thinking you're being very smart." Itachi warned, the hidden knife in his velvety baritone showing as he pinned Sasuke against the wall gruffly.
"Then I'll just kill you now so he won't die!" Sasuke hissed, his free hand aiming for Itachi's throat.
Itachi merely caught hold of the hand in a flash, pinning it up over Sasuke's head as he leant close to Sasuke's face, so close that Sasuke could see, in the instantaneous silver flash of a lightning, the shadows along his jawline, indicating he hadn't shaved for days. His brother always shaved cleanly, and Sasuke wondered if his brother had been seriously concerned about their father, and didn't contribute to their mother's death after all.
"You didn't kill kaa-san, did you? I know, Madara did it. You still love her as a mother. And you love otou-san as a father. You still have some feelings for them, even—even if you don't harbour the slightest brotherly love towards me." Sasuke almost choked on his words as he raised his teary eyes towards Itachi, grateful for the icy rain that mixed with his tears.
"Don't push me away. I promise it'll be the last time." Sasuke said in a wretched whisper, before leaning towards the riveting lips that only hurt him.
The kiss was over before it barely started, but Itachi had never felt such intensity behind something as simple as the mere brushing of lips. The heart-rending sweetness of the merest butterfly touch, filled with love, agony, and sorrow, all blended exquisitely in one tiny kiss.
Sasuke lifted his lips away before he lost any semblance of self-control, and bit his lower lip unconsciously, savouring the taste of Itachi, and the rain.
Itachi almost growled at the loss of contact, before rapidly recovering. He gazed down at the captivating face of his younger brother, looking almost vulnerable without his usual glare seemingly permanently affixed onto his face.
"Sasuke…" He murmured sotto voce, as one of his trembling hand reached forward. He was on the teetering edge of insanity, and there was no turning back.
"What are you doing to him!?" A shrill voice broke into his tainted reverie. He instantly released his hold on Sasuke, and whispered three words that broke Sasuke from within, before fading into the dark of the thunderous night.
Sasuke crumpled into a heap on the wet ground, feeling a distant hand shaking his shoulder violently as the words rang in his ears, overcoming all other sensations in his body.
He couldn't feel his clothes that were bloated with water; he couldn't feel his hair plastering onto his forehead and pricking his eyes as the raindrops pummelled down on him.
"You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic." "You are pathetic."
The three words pierced his ears, more strident than the cracks of thunder that sounded hollow and faraway, and a deafening inhumane shriek ripped itself from his throat before he slipped into a chasm of darkness.
When he came to, all he saw was a world of white. And a large pair of brilliant blue eyes looking down intently at him. He blinked slowly, not registering to whom the pair of irises belonged to.
"He's awake! Teme, you're awake!" The voice of the blue eyes bellowed into his face, bringing an immediate scowl to his face.
"Stop screaming, dobe."
Naruto turned to hug Neji and Iruka, before returning to him, his bright face sobering.
"I know it's not the right time to ask, but what ha—" His mouth were swiftly cuffed by Iruka, who smiled awkwardly at Sasuke as he shoved the protesting blond out of the room.
"Neji shall speak to you first! The doctor advises against too many visitors!" Iruka laughed nervously.
"No he did—" Once again Naruto's mouth was silenced before the loud slam of the door was heard.
Neji sighed softly, shaking his head a little before settling down on the chair beside the hospital bed.
"Naruto told me what happened. Are you fine now?"
"Hn."
"I hope you will let us know what really happened back at the alley. We can help you." Neji pressed on.
Sasuke remained mute, staring off at the wall. A long second of silence ticked past before he finally spoke.
"I want to speak to Naruto. Alone."
Neji heaved an enormous sigh and let Naruto in whilst he exited.
Naruto flew to the bed like the wind, his heavy weight causing the springs to creak in complaint.
"What is it, Sasuke? You can tell me anything." He asked anxiously, his azure eyes clouded with worry.
"What did you think happened between my brother and I?"
"I… erm… listen carefully, it's really hard for me to say it, but, Iruka-sanandNejibothsuspectyourbrotherisabusingyousexuallyandIthinksotoo." Naruto finished in one long breath, lowering his eyes towards the floor.
Sasuke laughed hollowly.
"Don't try to act smart. All of you here are wrong. And do you know why?"
Naruto shook his head dumbly, his face slightly apprehensive at Sasuke's bizarre behaviour.
Sasuke leant forward to whisper into Naruto's ears.
"I'm the one who seduced him, usuratonkachi. And guess what, I failed."
He reclined back with a bitter smile adorning his pained features as Naruto merely looked at him with a gaping mouth that grew enormously wide like a cavern.
"I think you're confused. Neji and I did some research on family sexual assaults, and we found that the aggressors usually hurt their victims emotionally as well. Itachi is just twisting his words! He'd always been the one hurting you, teme! You have to wake up!" Naruto reprimanded hotly.
"No, he didn't! He didn't! You just shut the hell up! You, an orphan without any sibling, would not understand what it feels like to love your own fucking brother so much that it hurts! And to have him reject you so harshly, loathe you, despise you… you'll never understand me! None of you will! Now, I know, you're thinking I'm a deranged, psychopathic sexual deviant, for which normal human being would love their own brother as a man!?" Sasuke burst out in mounting rage, before flinging his pillow towards Naruto.
Naruto ducked the pillow and rushed forward to pin Sasuke down to the bed.
"Hush, Sasuke! Do you want the whole world to hear you? Alright I believe you! Just calm down!" Naruto said in a hushed whisper.
"Get out now. I don't want to see anyone." Sasuke said in a dead voice, turning his face away.
"Goodnight, Sasuke. I'll come again in the morning." Naruto said sadly.
Naruto shut the door softly, and his helpless gaze hardened into that of determination. He stalked down the hallway just to be caught by Neji.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going to drag Itachi here."
"What!? You do realise that seeing him will only further traumatise Sasuke, right!?"
"He did not touch Sasuke. Sasuke told me himself. But something happened between them and I'm going to clear it!"
"What is it?"
Naruto contemplated whether to tell them the truth, chewing the inside of his mouth thoughtfully, before shaking his head vigorously. This secret was too grave to reveal even to the love of his life. The lesser the number of people in the know, the safer it was.
"I'm sorry, I can't tell you guys. I have to run! By the way, Sasuke refuses to see you guys so don't enter unless you want to face his wrath!" Naruto yelled as he shrugged himself out of Neji's grip and sprinted off.
He sped down the corridor before skidding into a halt, slapping his forehead. He had no idea how to contact Itachi! How could he possibly help his best friend, being such the dunce that he was? His palms lowered onto his knees in resignation.
A light tap on his back made him look up. Neji stood with a tiny frown gracing his aristocratic features as he handed a card to him.
"It's from Iruka." He said curtly.
Naruto took a glance down at the card. It was Itachi's business card. He flung himself onto Neji and gave him a resounding kiss before yelling down the hallway to show Iruka his gratitude, and vanished like a hurricane.
Neji stared down the empty corridor in slight exasperation, though a fond smile tugged at his pursed lips.
Naruto reached the office, gulping nervously at the elegantly furnished surroundings, silently praying that Itachi would be in.
"I have to see Uchiha Itachi. Urgent. Regarding his brother." Naruto spewed out broken sentences to the receptionist who regarded his unkempt state with undisguised contempt.
"I'm sorry he's busy right now." She sniffed arrogantly.
"It's regarding his brother who's in the hospital right now! Tell him Naruto wants to see him! He knows me!" Naruto hammered the desk furiously. He loathed people who couldn't look past a person's clothing.
The receptionist shrank from him, from fear or disgust he couldn't for the life of him tell, and hurriedly dialled the intercom.
"Uchiha-san, there's someone named Naruto who insists on seeing you with regards to your brother." She nodded professionally and replaced the phone, before turning her attention towards Naruto.
"His office is right at the end. Just turn to your right." She said with an air of open disdain.
A wide smirk played on Naruto's lips. He loved to annoy such people.
"Thank you babe! I love ya, sexy!" He blew a kiss to the horrified receptionist, and strutted down towards Itachi's office with an exaggerated swagger on his hips.
Once he neared his office, however, his grin fell off his face. It was time to be serious. He knocked the door impatiently and didn't wait for Itachi to answer as he swung open the door.
"You have caused Sasuke to land in hospital!"
"What?" Itachi replied with a crease between his brows as he stood up from his seat.
"Sasuke is highly emotional now, all because of you! I don't care, you have to see him! He was raving about how you don't care for him when he loves you so much! I don't know what you did to him, but it must have been seriously traumatising! I've never seen him this way before!"
Itachi returned to his seat, resting his head on his palm. The languidness of this posture appeared to threaten his body to collapse if he sat up suddenly.
"Is that it? If that's it you may leave."
"How could you!? Sasuke loves you with all his heart! I know, you might feel grossed out, because he's your brother, and all, but still, you still ought to play your part as an older brother and visit him now!"
Itachi's head bounced up from his outstretched fingers abruptly, his obisidian eyes alert.
"Sasuke told you all about us?"
"Yes!"
"And you don't mind?"
"Well, it's kind of weird, but he's my best friend! I'll accept him for who he is! …Wait that's not the point here! Don't you digress!" Naruto accused.
"He certainly needs a friend like you to protect himself from dangerous people, like me. Take good care of him, Naruto-kun." Itachi smiled thinly, pressing a red button on his intercom.
Two heavily muscled guards appeared from Naruto's behind, and escorted the struggling boy out of the company. Naruto cursed colourfully, showing a middle finger at the retreating man, and sticking his tongue out at the still horrified receptionist who could see him clearly through the office glass doors. After his fantastic display of unpolished manners, he rushed clear of danger's way.
As he ran into the curve of the street, he wondered about Itachi's last words and smile. The words seemed to have a hidden meaning, but he couldn't read between the lines at all. That was precisely the reason why he didn't take Literature back in high school. How he wished Neji had been there, or better, Shikamaru.
And that smile… it seemed more tired than threatening. Did Itachi still care about Sasuke after all? But he had seemed so nonchalant about Sasuke being in hospital! Especially when he was the culprit!
Naruto dug his knuckles into his temples, grinding them furiously. He was gaining a massive headache thinking about this. Naruto sighed as he trudged down the street. Whatever the case, he had failed in bringing Itachi to see Sasuke.
But he was really grateful Sasuke had confessed to him this secret, for now he could do his best to help him. In what way and how he is going to execute it he still didn't know, but he was determined to help Sasuke at all costs.
The night returned, with Sasuke still refusing to see anyone. He curled against the thin bolster, hiding under the rough blanket. He hated hospitals with passion. Once, when he was hospitalised for food poisoning when he was young, at least he had his family's company.
Family… he had none now.
Kaa-san was dead, otou-san was imprisoned, and, and, Itachi, was no longer his nii-san. Maybe he never was.
Where was all the love and warmth he had felt when he was young? All he felt now was the whipping cold of the air-conditioner above him.
He threw the bolster onto the floor in a childish tantrum. There was no one left for him to embrace. What could a lousy bolster do? It was pathetic.
You are pathetic.
The words repeated like a broken recorder in his mind. Yes, he was pathetic. Itachi was right. He was a pathetic creature who listened to his heart rather than his brain. He had to stop his foolishness.
Love brings one suffering, weakening the person. It is a malignant entity that ate away one's soul before one realises it. Hated, on the other hand, is the driving mechanism that would lead one to action.
From now on, he would focus only on his hatred. For Madara. For Itachi. For the Yakuza organisation Madara had set up and Itachi was working for. He would destroy it. It would be his sweet revenge for his parents.
The morbid notions raced through his mind as he fervently thought of ways to weaken the organisation. Soon the dark wings of the night overcame his dark thoughts as he sunk into a deep, troubled sleep.
Soft footsteps padded down the hallway, pausing just at the door. The door creaked open slightly, permitting a long line of light to stream in. The figure in black coat took in the sight of the sleeping male slowly.
The pale shaft of light from the hospital corridor bathed his sleeping face in an ethereal silver glow, and without the usual crease on his brows, Sasuke seemed almost like a reposing angel. The figure opened the door just a hair width wider, but his wrist was rendered immobile by a female nurse.
"Sir, it is past visiting hours. I've already broken the rules in letting you see him." She said firmly.
"I was just going to put his bolster back to his bed." He muttered.
She took a long look at him, and sighed, acquiescing to his wishes.
He snuck in with the grace of a cat and the slickness of a thief, suavely sweeping the bolster off the ground and onto the bed in one swift motion. Lingering for a moment, he brushed his fingers over the softness of the raven hair before slipping out of the room like a weasel.
Sasuke awoke the next morning, feeling a little more invigorated than last night. He was determined to leave the hospital today. He had things to do, and such needless stays would only hamper his operations. His hands tightened around the bolster as he thought about his plans.
Wait… bolster?
He was pretty certain he had flung it to the floor in a fit of anger. Oh well the hospital staff must have picked it up while he had been asleep. The doctor entered at that moment, the mask covering his face reminding him of Kakashi. Sasuke scowled at the memory.
"Why the sour face, my boy? You can be discharged today! Your guardian is already done with the discharge procedures! He should be coming in soon!" The doctor announced brightly.
"My guardian?" Sasuke mouthed, and his heart leapt when someone walked in. And fell to the pits of his stomach when he saw that it was Iruka.
"You're my guardian?" Sasuke asked incredulously.
"No… Itachi signed the papers but… he's already gone. He had a meeting to rush to, you see." Iruka explained quickly.
"Hn." Sasuke grunted, nonchalant on the surface, though his heart was yet again stabbed by a sharpened dagger.
At the witching hour, Sasuke once again stole out of Naruto's apartment. But this time, he wasn't going to Hawk. He had a goal to accomplish. He dialled Suigetsu's number.
"Forget about Hawk tonight. I'm going to your house." He muttered lowly and snapped his phone shut.
He reached the gates of Suigetsu's house to see that he was already waiting for him.
"What's up? Some big operation?" Suigetsu grinned manically, rubbing his hands in glee as they entered his house.
"Yes. We are going to curb a certain yakuza's operations. But first, we have a lot to find out. This thumb drive contains confidential information about my mother's case. I haven't taken a look at it yet. We'll have to examine it together." Sasuke said impassively as they climbed up the stairs.
"Your mother?"
"She's murdered. I suspect my uncle, who's a yakuza, is involved."
"Revenge, huh." Suigetsu paused at his doorstep, smirking at Sasuke.
"Hn."
Sasuke and Suigetsu leant forward, staring contemplatively at the bright screen. So… his organization was calledAkatsuki huh. Dawn… how inappropriate. Sasuke gritted his teeth as he absorbed the new information. The police had kept so much of Akatsuki's criminal activities in their record but yet they did nothing about them. Damn corrupted rule-enforcers.
"Boy is Akatsuki huge! Hey, but the data seems to be pointing towards your father as the prime suspect. Of course, Uchiha Madara is the next possible suspect, given his deep history with your family, but it appears that they don't have any evidence on him yet." Suigetsu pointed out.
"Madara killed my mother. I know it. My father would never do such a thing. I don't care what you think, just listen to me. We are going to start by getting the police to search Akatsuki's illegal prostitution dens. That should cut off some of his profit." Sasuke said matter-of-factly, though his scowl deepened as he remembered the slut who had pressed her whole body against Itachi.
"Wait. Take a look at this. This is a list of companies paying protection fees to Akatsuki. Your father's company is included!"
"It's my brother's fault. He has defected to Akatsuki." Sasuke growled darkly, his eyes shooting flames at the glaring computer screen.
"Usually people who would work for Yakuzas do so because they're blackmailed. Don't you think your brother could have been?" Suigetsu asked thoughtfully, tapping his finger to his lips.
"No. He has already told me that he is with them for the monetary gains, that mercenary bastard. Stop talking about him." Sasuke snarled bitterly, clenching his fists hard.
"I think I'm right and you're wrong." Suigetsu bared his sharp teeth in a smug grin before taking a huge swig of water.
"Suigetsu…" Sasuke said warningly.
"Alright, alright. I'll admit defeat this time. It's none of my business anyways." Suigetsu held his palms up in defeat.
"So let's do it now." Sasuke muttered grimly, flexing his fingers. It was time to get serious.