Impossible to Love You
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to the brilliant Masashi Kishimoto-sama. I am not Masashi Kishimoto-sama, unfortunately.
Warnings: Incest, swearings.
Pairings: ItaSasu.
A/N: Thank you all, for the encouraging reviews. They're my opium, and I'm badly addicted. I want many more! Please? I had really wanted this chapter to be done by the New Year, but oh well I'm just one day late. Sorry this chapter is a kind of short. Happy 2010 everyone! Shit I feel so old and crappy. I think the next chapter should be the last. Higure no Hikari, I do seriously feel my work is turning into a melodrama as it unfolds, I hope no one hates me for it. XS Thanks for loving Gaara's growth, I just felt that he was too OCC for my liking, hence the change! amalia0007, I'm touched! One of your first ItaSasu and it's me!!! OMG I'm definitely riding on the clouds. I'm starting to think the story might not end that badly, er I think. I hope. Sometimes, it just flows and my fingers can't quite stop themselves. But I had started the story with wanting an alternate ending for Itachi and Sasuke, so of course I want it to be happy. But things seem to be going a little too badly for this story to have a truly happy ending, sigh. Kaira-chan15, thank you for still supporting my story after my long hiatus! Oh I myself really loved that particular simile too! Oops, self-praise is no praise. What exactly do you want to know about Japan? Maybe you can send me a msg with a whole list of questions for me to answer to, haha I don't mind! I was mainly based in Osaka, though I've been to Tokyo, Kyoto and Hiroshima for a few days. Japan's food is the best! Osaka is really famous for their okonomiyaki! But I made plenty more foreign friends than Japanese ones though, for we studied Japanese in class together. Japanese Karaoke is awesome! Lots of real MVs of all the Japanese pop stars! And the best thing was it was free cos there was a k-lounge in the learning centre. Shucks I'm rambling.
"What are you doing here?" Sasuke asked dangerously, pressing him into the window pane. The biting cold from the window pane enveloped his body, making the warmth from Sasuke's minty breath all the more enticing.
"You've grown thinner." Itachi said in a breathy voice.
"Stop fucking around with me." Sasuke's furious face loomed precariously near, stopping Itachi's heart, reducing his brain into an incoherent mess.
The scent of his skin, an amalgam of spice, wood, and sea salt, invaded his senses, casting a sensual spell over his mind. The lure of his lips, pale and slightly cracked, tempted his own lips to lick away the dryness and once again taste the intoxicating nectar that offered luscious sin.
"The two of you..."
A stunned voice from behind them caused the pair to tilt their heads towards the direction.
Sasuke immediately released Itachi, realising that they must have looked as if they were in a very compromising position, flushing a deep wine-red, from anger or embarrassment, or a mix of both Itachi couldn't tell.
Itachi took hold of the opportunity to grab Sasuke's wrist and inform Gaara that they needed some time alone, before bowing and dragging his resisting brother out of the house.
"Let go of me! Let go—!" Sasuke's shrieks screeched to a halt when Itachi finally released his hurting wrist. They had already reached the first floor by then.
"Don't make a scene here, foolish little brother. Wait till we're out of the building." Itachi muttered without a single glance at a fuming Sasuke, and walked on briskly ahead, not bothering to see if his brother was following.
They reached the carpark, silent as a ghost town in the early grey morning mist. Seeing no one in sight, Sasuke chose that moment to explode in fury.
"Now there's no one! Say what you've got to say and leave!"
"I'll have to take you to a place first."
"I'm not going anywhere with you."
"It concerns otou-san." Itachi said in a perfectly controlled dispassionate voice as he entered his car.
Upon hearing his words, Sasuke knew he had to follow Itachi. His father might be in danger. He slid into the passenger seat next to Itachi, buckling the belt soundlessly. It was a different car from the last he had sat in, but the previous ride was already carved into Sasuke's mind, forming an everlasting imprint that would continually haunt Sasuke's life.
An ominous premonition hung over Sasuke in his realisation that Itachi was driving him again. The Samvel Yervinyan piece, Confession, playing in the car was his favourite, giving him a sense of the calm heralding a tempest, which would be when Itachi finally unveil about their father's condition. Without a doubt it would be once hell of a tempest that Sasuke wasn't looking forward to.
He remembered his accusations of Itachi when he first found out about his mother's murder; his depraved arousal with Itachi a mere millimetre away from him, as clear as if everything was yesterday's occurrence. Sasuke shuddered in remembrance.
As if in response to his involuntary shiver, Itachi raised the air-conditioning by several degrees. Sasuke slid a side gaze at Itachi. There were dark shadows under his eyes, and his lips were drawn together in such a tight line that the corners of his lips had turned white.
Were his dark eye circles just signs of fatigue, and his drawn lips a hint that he loathed being in the same space with Sasuke, or did they mean something more? Sasuke longed to ask these questions, but his words were glued to the back of his tongue and the ride simply hummed with soft waves of music all the way back to their old home.
Sasuke took in the familiar surroundings in mounting dread. The huge mansion towered above them in it splendour, and the garden looked as well-trimmed as the day he left the house. Even the marble fountain was shimmering with thousands of pearls that burst forth like a continuous flow of watery fireworks.
Had Itachi moved back? This trivial thought skipped across his mind for a brief second before he pulled his mind back to a more pressing question at hand. He stopped Itachi at the iron-wrought gates.
"Why are we here?"
"You'll know soon."
"I'm not going in unless you tell me first." Sasuke growled, as if in anger, though his fearful heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings.
Itachi stared at him for a long moment, an odd glint in his tired eyes, and tugged him none too gently into the mansion. Sasuke attempted to pry his hand away as he was led through the garden, struggling throughout their walk until they reached the main doors.
Somehow, Sasuke's grip on his hand lost its fighting will, his fingers curling tightly over Itachi's hand like adhesive glue had suddenly stuck his fingers there. So in this bizarre hand-hold the two brothers entered their old abode, each with apprehension in their hearts.
Sasuke's hold on him tightened, his entire weight collapsing on Itachi upon see their father's picture at the family altar.
"Otou-san!" Sasuke positively wailed. Rivers of tears rained down his cheeks, melting his hard look of hatred that characterized him these days.
Itachi knew that this was it. His little brother had lost everything that ever meant anything to him. And it was all because of his doing. Never once had he seen his brother crying so bitterly, not even when he found out about their mother's death.
The pain etched across Sasuke's face shot into Itachi's chest like a bullet from a pistol, blazing his heart into silvery ashes. This acute burn made Itachi realise that he should not waste his time any longer.
It was time to him to take action, even if it'd cost his life. He was prepared to pay with his life after all he had done to ruin this family and his Sasuke, anyway.
"Madara killed him!" Sasuke speculated correctly.
"No, he committed suicide." Itachi lied.
"Why!? Why are you still so blind? Madara had killed kaa-san, and now he's killed otou-san too! He's out to get us! Are you so willing to get yourself killed because of money!?" Sasuke shrieked wildly, attacking him.
Itachi merely flung him down to the floor, brushing non-existent dust off himself at the places where Sasuke's fingers had just grasped.
"Treat yourself with some decorum. Otou-san's spirit will not rest in peace if he sees us fighting like this." Itachi said severely.
A wave of futile rage swept over Sasuke, his figure convulsing with sharp pain that racked his heart. "He—he will not rr-rest in peace s-seeing you still sucking up to Madara!" Sasuke spat in spite of tears blurring his voice.
"I'll send you back to Gaara's place." Itachi proffered, stretching his hand out towards Sasuke, only to receive a hard smack in return, as a baleful pair of tear-stained eyes shot a seismic glare at him, shattering his already broken heart into a billion pieces.
"I'm paying my respects to otou-san, and then I'll leave on my own. I will not be contaminated by your belongings." Sasuke snarled, pushing himself up and marching towards the family altar.
Itachi merely looked on helplessly at Sasuke's automatic movements resembling those of a robot as he paid his last respects to their dead father. A waft of burning odour emiting from the joss sticks held in Sasuke's hands reminded Itachi of their previous prayers at their dead mother's wake just a few weeks ago.
Sasuke didn't deserve this heart-rending agony he was going through. He didn't.
Itachi loathed himself with all his being for putting his little brother through all the suffering. Even if—no, when he had successfully put an end to the source of Sasuke's torment, he knew he would never forgive himself as long as he lived.
Without forgiveness, there was little meaning in the dark road ahead. He was walking on a sheer cliff that promised to plunge him into the jaws of darkness from which he could not escape. And he would welcome the inviting curtains that would give his wretched performance a final closure. It was only then he could find peace with himself.
A sudden slam of the door shook him out of his reverie.
Sasuke was gone.
He was left all alone in this tiny box of a room, with his web of betrayal weighing down on him, in this confine awash with an eerie crimson glow from the lights of the altar.
He could sense his ancestral spirits' disapproval and unhappiness just merely sharing the same room with him. Their negative feelings rippled through the room like occult magic that sucked every joyful memory out of his being.
He simply couldn't remain in this scarlet prison any longer.
Sasuke burst into Gaara's apartment, vanishing into his room like a hurricane before Gaara could even utter a word. A hatching sound at the door informed Gaara that he had locked himself in. Gaara leapt up from his couch, scuttling towards Sasuke's room. He knocked on the oak door gently.
Silence greeted him.
"Sasuke-kun? What's wrong? Tell me about it. Maybe I can help." Gaara tried.
More silence.
After many hours of useless pounding, gentle cooing, and even empty threats Gaara knew he was left with no other options. He had to carry out one of his threats.
Gaara hurriedly dialled a number in his house phone, and waited.
"Temari? Can you tell your boyfriend and his friends that Sasuke is staying in my house now? And also that his brother had just come and now he's refusing to come out of his room. Thanks."
About half an hour later, though passing every minute had felt like an hour to Gaara, a group of four finally reached his apartment.
"Where's Sasuke!?" a flustered blond immediately asked.
Gaara pointed a finger towards his room, and Naruto rushed towards the room like lightning and started to bang the door down.
Temari led Shikamaru to the sofa, with Neji following. Neji raised an eyebrow in askance, and Gaara dutifully shared the details. By the time he had finished explaining the whole situation to them, he realised that Naruto had, somehow or rather, joined them in the midst of their conversation.
Neji rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "So I see… Anyway, whenever he's behaving like that, Naruto and I would open the door. Do you have the key?"
Gaara swiftly unlocked the door, and Naruto charged past him.
"Sasuke!? What happened!?"
"Leave me alone."
"Sasuke!"
"Just fuck off!" Sasuke screamed, throwing Naruto off him. Naruto landed ungracefully on the floor and Neji quickly helped him up, glaring at Naruto as he did.
"Sasuke, we're being concerned about you and this is how you treat us? Sometimes I don't understand why Naruto treats you as his best friend." Neji scolded as Naruto rubbed his sore bottom morosely.
"He's dead."
"Who?" Naruto and Neji chorused.
"My—my dad." Sasuke choked.
"Kami-sama." Neji breathed as Naruto flung his arms over a sobbing Sasuke.
Neji turned towards the three still standing by the doorway and mouthed an apology, closing the door.
Gaara knew at once, he was still not part of Sasuke world, and perhaps never could fully be. He withdrew the support of his elbow on the door frame with a suddenness that blew Temari and Shikamaru off their feet as they swerved to avoid his frame.
He then dragged his feet to the living room like a zombie, dead to the living persons whom he had nearly collided into. Temari and Shikamaru looked at each other, understanding dawning in their eyes before trailing behind Gaara.
As Gaara sat down glumly, a soft hand on his shoulder made him look up. It was Temari. She smiled at him, a laughing sparkle in her crystal blue eyes.
"You've fallen hard for that cute guy huh." She teased.
"What are you talking about?" He growled.
"You're sad that he didn't seem to consider you as part of his clique because you're not in his room right now consoling him." Shikamaru deduced accurately after a loud yawn, his languid attitude taking on an almost haughty outlook, as if he was some expert on love and relationships, and therefore, unbothered by their complexity.
In truth, he had had his fair share of troubles with Gaara's very own sister, whom he had always felt to be an overly demanding woman, and had no idea, till now, why he had chosen to be with such a troublesome tigress.
Gaara remained reticent, his knol-lined eyes fixated at the television set in front of him.
"Isn't it better he doesn't see you as his close friend? Sometimes it's harder for close friends to see each other in a romantic light! I say go for it, Gaara! You two would look so cute together!" Temari gushed.
"He already has someone he likes."
"Who could it be? I've never seen him with anyone else except Neji and Naruto." Shikamaru said thoughtfully.
"Just win him over now! He's at his most vulnerable period, so he would appreciate you being there for him, and eventually soften and fall for you!" Temari chuckled.
"Do you think he's a girl?" Gaara asked scornfully.
"If you're going to chase after Sasuke, I support you! He needs someone to be there for him now, and I think you're the perfect candidate!" Naruto chimed in.
Temari squeezed Gaara's shoulder in encouragement. "Look! His best friend has just given you the thumbs up!"
"Naruto, are you sure?" Neji asked doubtfully.
Naruto tapped his chin in thought. He had seriously given this careful consideration. After all, Sasuke was his best friend, and he had vowed to help him.
Despite the fact that Sasuke loved his own brother, all Itachi did was to hurt him, even though he might still care for him a little. Besides, that kind of caring was definitely brotherly care. Or was it? Naruto scratched his head hard. Damn. He really hated to analyse. But he still remembered Itachi's words.
'He certainly needs a friend like you to protect himself from dangerous people, like me. Take good care of him, Naruto-kun.'
Who the heck in their right minds would call themselves dangerous and warn the people they intend to harm? Unless Itachi was psychotic. He wouldn't put it past that. Naruto didn't personally know him, but he was always staring at Naruto with a savage intent in his onyx eyes. So he couldn't be a very good person. Sasuke would be better off if he found a new person to love. And it seemed evident that Gaara had been treating him well all this while.
Yes. He had made up his mind.
"Yes of course! Gaara is a good guy! Gaara, we're counting on you!"
"I don't want to force Sasuke. Besides, his mind is too focused on revenge to think about things like love now. I just want to help him forget about vengence, for it never does people any good." Gaara said quietly.
"Love would help him forget! And of course friends like us! We'll make him focus on the present and the future together!" Naruto held his hand out in a handshake.
Gaara gazed at his open fingers. And up at his face. He stretched his own arm out gingerly, letting their hands meet. As their fingers curled together, Naruto positively beamed. Gaara smiled back cautiously, knowing that he couldn't comply with their wishes.
He had indeed developed feelings beyond that of a simple crush for Sasuke, but he knew what Sasuke held that that mysterious being was a love so deep that he had no chance to even squeeze into a tiny portion of Sasuke's heart.
All he could do was to be his friend.
"Oh, by the way, you haven't told me what exactly happened."
Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but Neji clamped his hand on his shoulder, smirking as his eyes darted to the direction of Sasuke's room and back to Gaara, making Gaara squirm in discomfort.
"Ask him yourself. He's out now. We should get going too." Neji teased, shoving Naruto out of the apartment as Temari and Shikamaru followed with identical smirks plastered across their faces.
Sasuke lumbered to the kitchen, pouring himself a drink, with Gaara tagging behind.
Gaara cleared his throat just as Sasuke was lifting the cup to his lips, and the cup paused mid-air before he slowly placed it back on the kitchen counter. With his fingers still tightly woven around the cup, Sasuke finally spoke.
"My uncle killed my father. I know it. But he still insisted it was suicide. My dad had no reason to commit suicide. He was still waiting to clear his own name! That two-faced liar!" The cup shook visibly, and tiny droplets flew out of the container, taking on a metallic sheen where they caught the fluorescent lights of the kitchen.
"Sasuke, your brother had actually stayed out all night in the cold to give you this news. If I hadn't returned earlier he might have fallen really ill."
Sasuke stilled at Gaara's revelation. Was this evidence that Itachi still cared for him? He didn't know what to think anymore. His brother had been nothing but an enigmatic cloak of mystery. It was a wonder they both shared the same set of parents. He couldn't forget all the hurtful words his brother had said to him.
Every word reverberated through his mind like an aimless echo down a desolate hallway. Yet Itachi had occasionally treated him with little acts of kindness that he could barely associate him with at this very moment.
He could not begin to fathom the person whom he had lived with under the same roof for all eighteen years of his life. Yet he was so desperately in love with him, and he couldn't, for the life of him, comprehend himself either.
Sasuke spun his face toward Gaara, his bloodshot eyes emanating wild rage, more with himself then at his brother. "You don't know how many terrible things he had done to me."
"All I know is that he cares deeply for you. I saw it in his eyes and his actions."
Sasuke's lips thinned and he turned his face back to the neglected cup. He didn't want to think about this. It simply seared a bigger hole in his already wounded heart. He didn't want to cling on to a false bubble of hope that would be burst by his brother's cutting words. There must be some way to turn this conversation around.
"How the hell did he know that I was staying with you anyway?"
Gaara put up his hands in mock surrender. "I didn't say anything to anyone."
Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the redhead, before swigging his drink. He set his cup down gruffly and headed to the front door.
"Where are you going?" Gaara called.
"To get a breather." With that, he whammed the door shut.
Sasuke observed his surrounding warily the moment he left the building, whipping his head vigorously from left to right, causing some heads to turn and look at him in wariness. He was being followed. Without a doubt, it had to be Madara's dogs. If he confronted them, maybe then would he start receiving some truth.
He needed answers, and needed them now.
Sasuke turned into a narrow alleyway, taking slow measured steps with a long bated breath. A loud flap of wings made him look up at the evening sky. A group of sparrows flittered across the pale orange sky that bled in glowing streams of gold and red.
What was he expecting? That they would ambush him now that he was in a deserted alley? That was such an insipid plot from a typical movie. What should he do next?
A sudden flash of inspiration sparked within him. He had the Devil's contact afterall.
Sasuke searched his contact list, stopping at the name Madara. He hesitated for the slightest moment, and pressed the dial button.
"Sasuke-kun! How nice to hear from you after so long!" An affected cheerful voice grated on his ears after several rings.
"I know you have people following me. Stop being such a hypocrite. From now on I want nothing but the truth."
A manical chuckle floated into his ears, penetrating a chill into his body. "I'll send my men to bring you to my house for a cup of tea, if that's what you want."
Sasuke wheeled on his heel, his phone still on his ear, to face two familiar figures before him.
Hidan leered down at him menacingly. "Kiddo, thanks for saving me from the dull routine of following you."
Sasuke's face contorted into a smug smirk, still speaking on his phone. "You sure work fast."
PS: For those who are curious about Samvel Yervinyan's Confession, check out this link, which just plays a small part of his brilliant music though: .3