Chapter 6

The lair was quiet except for the scratch of Donatello's pencil and Mikey's one-sided conversation. Donatello struggled to remain focused on what he was writing as Mikey chattered in his ear, his voice overly enthusiastic even for him.

"I was thinking that you and me could play Chinese checkers, if you're up for it? Sensei taught me, and not to brag, but I'm pretty good at it." Mikey pretended to brush dirt off his shoulder, grinning at Don.

For his part, Don tried to smile, only glancing up for a moment before returning to his notebook. Never losing steam in his writing, Donatello asked, "Oh yeah? When did you start learning that?"

"A couple of weeks ago. The day after Leatherhead came over–"

Mikey went suddenly quiet, realizing what he had said. The night of Donatello's fainting spell was still fresh in his family's memory, and since then, their entire existence seemed to revolve around Donatello's disease. Leonardo was constantly hovering over him, so much that Donatello often felt like asking him if he wanted to wipe his ass for him, too? He understood Leo's concern, but he needed to draw the line somewhere. You can't ask someone if they need another person in the bathroom while they shower, ill or not.

Raphael was just as good at hovering as Leo, but he wasn't constantly trying to cut Donatello's food into smaller bites or wrap him in blankets. Raph was quiet and attentive, twitching every time Donatello looked or sounded uncomfortable. He insisted upon accompanying Don to Leatherhead's for treatment every day, despite the fact it was a three minute walk. While Donatello was strapped down for his radiation treatment, Raph would sit silently in the corner, brooding over him for the hour. Raph's mere presence made Donatello feel dark himself, watching his brother so overcome with concern and fear. He wouldn't let Don out of his sight for longer than an hour.

Master Splinter was also constantly breathing down his neck. He brought Donatello in for his own spiritual healing sessions every day. They had been going on for the past two weeks and even Donatello could tell that the results were discouraging. His pain was getting worse, his dizzy spells more frequent, and his fatigue bowled him over. He could hardly get any work done, and his cancer cure was nowhere near functional. Amid the treatment sessions, obligatory meals, and hours spent trying to play the optimistic patient, Donatello felt nothing but exhaustion. He wasn't much of an idealist anymore.

That was what Mikey was for. Although he skirted around Don now, watching his noise and checking his humour, there were moments when his comedic nature burst through the veil of seriousness. Those rare moments when they were alone together were one of the things Don missed about his family dynamic, among others. He missed Raphael's crude humour, and sarcasm that rivalled his own. He missed the quiet evenings when Raph and Mikey were at Casey's watching wrestling and he and Leo would chat over tea. He missed his father coming into his lab to observe his work, his eyes lighting up at his inventions and his lips mouthing the new techie language Donatello imparted to him.

Donatello missed the days when his brothers looked to him for guidance and expertise. Now he just felt like he had cancer tattooed on every inch of his skin, seeping into him, poisoning him.

"Dude, I'm sorry," Mikey apologized.

Mikey's apology snapped Don out of his thoughts. He felt as though he had relived the past two weeks, but only a few seconds had passed since he zoned out. Mikey's face, pinched with guilt, made Don want to shake him by the shoulders and beg him to go back to being a cheeky little shit, to just be normal – but he couldn't. He was marked, ill, diseased. Broken beyond repair.

"It's fine. No worries," Donatello said, his tone almost dismissive. Without anyone else to intervene, the silence stretched between them, filled with unasked questions and unmentioned fear.

Raphael, Leonardo, and Master Splinter were out dealing with structural issues in the tunnels and had designated Mikey, the loudest among them, to stay with Donatello. Or, as Donatello thought to himself as they left with his toolbox in hand: to babysit him. He couldn't stand being treated like he was incapable. He needed out.

Donatello glanced at the clock; they had only been away for ten minutes and would not return for at least another thirty. That gave him plenty of time.

"Hey Mikey, how about you grab the Chinese checker board? I'll play a round," Donatello said suddenly.

Mikey lit up at the opportunity to make Don happy. "No problem, bro! I'll get the board, I think it's in Sensei's room."

"Actually," Don cut in, stopping Mikey in his tracks, "I was using it with Leo earlier today, I think I took it back to my room. It's probably on the bookshelf. If it isn't, check the desk drawers."

"Okay! Just wait until I get back, I'm gonna kick your shell!" With that, Mikey was off.

The second Mikey disappeared through the doorway, Donatello ripped the page he was writing on from his notebook and placed it on the arm of the couch. He reached under the couch and slid out a small messenger bag that he had stashed there two days ago. The bag was stocked with enough food and water to get him out of the city. He shoved his notebook and pencil into the bag before he slung it over his shoulder. Barely daring to breathe, Don tiptoed to the lair door, keeping an eye on his lab in case Mikey came back through the door and caught him in the act.

Donatello nearly stumbled when Mikey called, "Do you mean the drawers on the right, or the left?"

"Right," Don yelled back, praying Mikey wouldn't catch him in the act.

"Thanks!" Then there was quiet again, and it was all Don could do to suppress his sigh of relief. He didn't think he would have been able to walk out the door if Mikey had poked his head out, smiling at him innocently.

The trek to the door was the longest walk of his life. Every step felt like he was nearing death, his heart turning to ice in his chest. He was really doing it. He was leaving his family with nothing but a goodbye note. His plan was two days in the making, formed in his hours of solitude. Donatello couldn't bear to watch his family prepare for his death like his body had already gone cold. He knew his death was inevitable, but he couldn't handle the constant worry that rolled off his brothers and father, each gesture another board for his coffin.

Donatello didn't want to be a black hole, sucking out their energy and pulsing with darkness. He didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want to be the reason for his family's suffering.

His love for his family was the only reason why he could walk out the door that night, taking to the lesser travelled tunnels. He was headed to a place not even his family would think to look for him. Donatello only hoped he could make it outside the city before they noticed he was missing.

-T-

"Come on, come on, pick up…" Mikey muttered, the phone pressed to his ear and his hand clenched on Donatello's note. Leo picked up on the second ring.

"Mikey? Is everything oka–"

"Don's gone! I went to grab something for, like, a second, and then he was gone! He left a note, told us not to look for him. I don't know where he is, I'm checking the tunnels right now–"

"Don's gone?" Leo echoed, freezing in place. He ignored Raphael's loud response and asked, "Where are you right now?"

"I'm in tunnel 16. Seriously Leo, I only left him alone for a minute. I'm so sorry."

Mikey could hear Raph in the background, his voice rough with panic. "What do you mean Don's gone? Where the hell did he go? I bet Mikey left him alone, that idiot–"

"Quiet!" Leo snapped, shooting Raph a glare. Raphael clenched his fists and set his jaw, looking away from Leo, but he remained silent.

When there was no further outburst, Leo said to Mikey, "Get Leatherhead to keep sweeping the tunnels. Tell him Master Splinter will help him."

Master Splinter nodded, too worried about Donatello's disappearance to be impressed with Leonardo's skillful command.

"Mikey, meet me and Raph on the Byerly building in ten minutes. We'll break into search parties from there. On your way, keep an eye out for Don."

"Got it, Captain!" Mikey said before he hung up and dialled Leatherhead's number. As the phone rung, he swung a hard right around the next corner, changing his course mid-stride. As he barrelled down the tunnel, Mikey's heart banged against his chest, his breathing laboured. His head swam with adrenaline that had nothing to do with running.

"Donnie, you better hope I never find your ass, cause I'm gonna kick it!"

-T-

The brothers spent hours searching the rooftops while Master Splinter and Leatherhead scoured the tunnels with nothing to show for it. Once alerted, April tracked the news and listened in to every radio frequency she could access, waiting for any turtle sightings. Even Casey joined the search, tearing up the streets on his bike and investigating Donatello's usual haunts, but there was no sign of him. Donatello had vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving no trace of his leaving aside from his note.

Leo pushed them until the sun started to paint the horizon with gold, racing across streets and boulevards, checking all of Donatello's usual places and every abandoned building in the city limits. It was only when he could make out the early morning commuters on the streets below that Leo insisted they halt their search, but Raph wouldn't hear of it.

"We have to find him. If we don't keep looking we're gonna lose him!" Raph said, his expression determined.

"I want to find him too, Raph. But we can't be seen. If someone sees us, we'll be all over the news and Don will be in even more danger than he is now. Remember what happened the last time an alien sighting made the news? We could barely go out at night, let alone in broad daylight."

"Plus the Foot's been really busy for the last few months," Mikey added. "Our run in with the Foot the other week wasn't random. Every time we meet up with them, they have more guys. They've practically doubled their territory since the summer. If they know we're looking for Don, they might find him first."

Raph was quiet for a long minute, absorbing their words. After a long moment, Raphael admitted defeat, his shoulders collapsing with fatigue.

"Alright. But the second it gets dark, we go looking again."

Leo stepped forward and placed a hand on Raph's shoulder. "Of course. We're gonna find him."

They didn't.