Author Note: Thank you for the great response to this story so far! The last chapter is currently the third highest in reviews, and I couldn't get through all of the replies Thursday night. A slight headache and a cat who insisted on blocking the monitor to get Mom's attention weren't helping!
I forgot to mention this last week, but it was just in the news that the husband from the real life story that inspired this one has gotten engaged two years after his wife's murder. Google "Davey Blackburn engaged" if you want to read about it. He'd made the decision not to date until after the one-year anniversary of her death, though he noticed his new fiancée two months before that.
Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.
Chapter 21 – A Matter of Feeling
Over the next several days, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I should do about Edward. Part of me thinks I should pull back from our friendship to protect my own heart, but that doesn't seem fair to him. It's not his fault that he's still grieving his late wife. It's not his fault that he's not ready to move on with another woman. He doesn't deserve to be punished because I've developed feelings for him, and neither does Masen.
Luckily, I suppose, Edward's book has been selling well and cracked the New York Times' Top 20, so his burgeoning career is our main topic of conversation, rather than anything too personal. I'm not sure I can hear him repeat one more time that he isn't interested in finding love again.
It's two weeks after Easter, and we're sitting on my couch watching TV after dinner while Masen plays on the floor. Edward looks up at me nervously, which makes me nervous about what he wants to talk about.
"They've set a new date for the sentencing," he begins quietly. Originally scheduled for late March, it was then postponed indefinitely.
"When?"
"May 12th. It's a Friday. I'll probably need to get a flight to Chicago on the Thursday, and then I'll fly back on Saturday."
"You're definitely going then?" I know Edward really hasn't been sure about going back to Chicago again, even if it's only for 48 hours.
"Yeah," he nods. "They, um, want me to read a victim impact statement."
"Oh wow!" I exclaim. "Do you want to do that?"
"No," he chuckles humorlessly. "But I'll do whatever it takes to see him get the maximum possible sentence."
"Have you written it yet?"
He shakes his head. "Not yet."
I reach out, rubbing his lower arm in comfort. "Well, seeing as you're an awesome writer, I'm sure whatever you come up with will be very powerful."
Edward shifts nervously. "So, um, I know this is gonna sound really strange coming from the guy who had to take his son on a four-day book signing tour a month ago, but… could you, um, watch Masen while I'm gone? I don't really want to take him on two four-hour flights just so Mom can watch him while I'm a total basket case."
"Ohhhhh," I frown. "You know I'm always happy to help you, but… I've got school. I could watch him after work, I guess, if Carolyn or someone else is able to watch him during the day."
"I'll check with her tomorrow," he agrees. "Thank you."
I smile at him. So much for wanting to pull back. "For what it's worth, I agree with not taking Masen to Chicago for such a short trip. I'm sure your mom will miss seeing him, but she just saw him two weeks ago."
"Yeah, I think I'd be more willing to bring him if they hadn't just visited or I'd be staying longer."
"Do you really think you'll be a basket case?" I ask tentatively.
"I'm fully expecting the usual nightmares. I can't imagine anything has changed in three months. Then add to that going to court and having to tell everyone how it felt to find my wife's dead body?" He pauses, shaking his head. "It's not going to be a fun trip."
"You know, if I could… I'd go with you for support," I find myself saying. And it's true. Despite the cost to myself, I think I'd do anything for him.
"Thank you," he whispers. "I know I'll have Mom, if not my entire family there."
"I'm glad you won't be alone."
"They've been really great… even if they don't know when to mind their own business," he growls.
Though I know what he's referring to, I can't help but laugh. "I think all families are like that. Oh hey, speaking of families, I forgot to mention this last week — my dad finally asked his girlfriend to marry him!"
"That's a good thing… right?"
"It is," I nod, smiling widely. "Sue's really nice, and she's good for him. Her husband, Harry, died after a heart attack about eight years ago. My dad has kind of been married to his job for the last 23 years, since Mom left us. I'm really happy for him."
"So do you get to be a bridesmaid?" he grins.
"Probably not," I shrug. "They're talking about eloping or just doing something small." Looking down at Edward's hand on his thigh, I notice the silver wedding band he still hasn't taken off. "Did, um, you and Bree have a big wedding? I know you said it was outdoors in a park."
"I don't even remember how many guests we had," he chuckles. "Between all of our relatives and friends, our parents' friends and coworkers… I pretty much lost control of the planning. My job was to show up in a tux and not forget the ring."
I laugh, trying really hard not to picture how hot a younger Edward must've looked in a tuxedo.
"Never again," he says, shaking his head. "The big wedding, I mean. Our parents paid for it, but I still think it's a huge waste of money."
"I'm with you on that one."
It takes a bit of coordination and planning, but we finally figure out a plan to watch Masen while Edward is in Chicago. Alice's mom has an appointment Thursday afternoon and is unable to watch him, but Alice herself is off work. Before he leaves for the airport, Edward drives Masen to Alice's house, trusting me that she's a capable babysitter.
Since it's a Thursday, Alice, Angela and I are meeting at the diner at our usual time. Edward had suggested that we only deal with the car seat once, so I drive to Alice's place to pick them up.
"OK, Edward showed me how to do this, but no promises," she warns. My old truck does have an excuse for a back seat, but with only two doors, you need to be either a contortionist or tiny like Alice to fit back there.
My truck didn't come with seat belts, but my dad insisted that they be added before giving the truck to a newly licensed driver, so Alice is able to install the car seat base mostly properly… I hope. Alice also manages to buckle Masen into his car seat, but I know that's going to be my responsibility later.
"Maybe it's time for a more modern vehicle, Swan," she growls, slithering out of the back seat. "One with four doors."
"I don't need four doors," I protest.
"You will once you get together with Edward," she grins. I roll my eyes, but… Alice is a lot more optimistic than I am. Of course, I never told her or Angela about the conversation I overheard on Easter. I felt guilty enough having listened to it myself.
"How did babysitting go?" I ask as I drive us to the diner. "You've had him since early this morning, right?"
"Yeah, Edward's flight was leaving at 2:30, so he had to leave for the airport pretty early. Since it was a nice day, I took Masen to the playground and wore him out," she smiles. "He spent much of the afternoon napping."
"So you're saying I won't be able to get him to sleep tonight."
Alice grins. "It's almost like I'm a grandparent, gleefully handing him back off to his parents on a sugar high." I flip her the bird in response.
At the diner, Angela is already seated in a table with a high chair. We had to give up our booth two weeks ago anyway, thanks to Ang's blossoming belly. I walk in with Masen holding my hand, then lift him into the high chair.
"Masen, do you remember Angela?"
"Hi Masen!" she says, waving at the little boy. He grins, waving back.
We order meals for the three of us, plus a grilled cheese kids meal for Masen. I'm not convinced that he'll eat enough to justify an entire meal, but Angela is eating for two, so she'll probably finish it.
"Do you and Masen have any big plans for your time together?" Angela asks.
"Not really," I shrug. "When we get home tonight, it'll be bath and bedtime, and with your mom watching him most of tomorrow, that just leaves Saturday to really play with him. If it's nice this weekend, maybe I can take him to the park like Alice did today; he had a great time at the playground in Bellevue last month."
"He's a super sweet kid," Alice says.
"And a flirt," Angela adds, pointing toward Masen. I turn my head then burst out laughing at the way he's turned in his high chair, a wide grin on his face as he looks at one of the other female customers.
"Newsflash, Mase, she's too old for you." I smooth his blond curls, then lean over to kiss the top of his head.
"Mamamama…" he babbles.
"Oh shit!" Angela yells.
"I'm Bella, remember?" I look him in the eye to stress my point, but he just smiles at me.
"Has he said that before?" Alice asks.
Nodding, I turn toward the girls. "Yeah, the morning in Portland."
"Did Edward freak?" she asks, eyes wide.
"Not as much as I expected," I admit. "He was mostly worried that it's a sign Masen wants a mom. I'm not sure it's any more than baby talk."
Inside, I'm actually kind of sure it is more than baby talk. He's said it when he wanted me to hold him and after I just kissed his head. I don't think it's random.
"Kids are pretty smart," Angela says. "Be careful."
"I know," I smile sadly. "If he says it again, I'll continue to correct him."
"Look out!" Alice suddenly yells and I turn just in time to see Masen toss his sippy cup to the floor. I hurriedly pick it up, then dunk my napkin in my water so I can wash off the top, even if it never touched the floor.
"We don't throw things," I lecture him. "I'm going to give this back to you, but if you throw it again, I'm keeping it unless you need a drink, OK?"
Big, innocent brown eyes stare up at me, but I have no idea if he understands what I said. I know throwing things on the floor so parents will fetch them is a favorite game of young children.
Our waitress brings our meals then, and I snatch Masen's plate to cut up his grilled cheese into bite-sized pieces. Instead of fries, I ordered him apple slices, which are probably also too large for a toddler, so I cut them up as well.
"You've got this down," Angela smiles.
"Practice from watching Edward," I laugh.
After we've finished eating — Angela did finish Masen's — Alice "supervises" while I get Masen buckled into his car seat. I've done it before, but in Edward's SUV where there's a lot more room to maneuver. Angela offers to give Alice a ride home.
It's nearing Masen's bedtime when we get to my house, so I carry him and the bag Edward packed for him upstairs to my bathroom. I get the water started in the tub, then undress Masen and remove his wet diaper.
I've bathed children before, but it's been a long time, so I'm a bit paranoid about making sure the water is an appropriate temperature. I test with my elbow until I think it's good, then set Masen in the bath and toss in his rubber duckie to keep him occupied while I wash him.
My first toddler bath in years goes amazingly well until I'm nearly finished. Masen suddenly slams his hands down on the water, splashing water all over me!
"Nice job, kid," I growl sarcastically while he dissolves in a fit of giggles.
I carefully brush the water out of my eye, then finish up before lifting the kicking toddler out of the tub and into a big fluffy bath towel.
Once he's in a fresh diaper and his pajamas, I carry him into my room. Edward and I had discussed the best way to handle sleeping arrangements, since he doesn't have a portable crib. Did it make more sense for me to stay at his house, so Masen could sleep in his own crib? Or should I put him to sleep in my bed?
We finally settled on Edward bringing over his old playpen last night, along with several soft blankets, and making up a bed inside it. I know Masen is big enough to climb out now, but I'll keep my bedroom door closed and, hopefully, I won't sleep so soundly that I won't hear him if he gets loose in my bedroom.
Since I'm all wet, I change into my pajamas, then head downstairs to relax for a couple of hours before going to bed. I pull out my phone, realizing that I had a text from Edward nearly two hours ago.
Made it to Chicago. On the way to my parents' house now. How is Masen?
Your son thought it would be fun to splash me. :P He's asleep now. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow.
I don't get a reply, but then I wasn't expecting one. Edward has probably gone to bed already, depending on how early court starts tomorrow. I really hope everything goes as expected and the monster who killed Bree goes away for a very long time.
Masen is sleeping when I get up, but I close my bedroom door just in case while I'm in the shower.
"Da?" Masen asks as I lift him out of his crib after my shower.
"Your daddy will see you tomorrow," I explain. "He had to go away for a few days."
I quickly change his diaper and dress him in one of the outfits Edward packed. After a quick breakfast downstairs, I set Masen on my bed to watch some cartoons while I dry my hair and get myself ready for work.
And then it's off to Alice's mom's house for the day.
School is dismissed at 3:10pm, and I'm back at Carolyn's house shortly after 3:30 to pick up Masen. "How was he?" I ask as he runs toward me.
"Masen is such a smart little boy," she gushes. "I found some old wooden puzzles that I had from when Jackson was a few years younger, so we spent much of the day playing with those while I tried to teach him his letters and numbers. I'm not sure how much he'll absorb at this age, but the early repetition can't hurt."
"It certainly can't," I smile at her. "Thanks again for watching him today. He's mine now until tomorrow evening when Edward gets back."
Once we're home, I let Masen play with some of the toys Edward packed, since he's had a bit of a "learning" day. We play together for a while, then I get up to make us a kid-friendly dish of homemade macaroni and cheese — though I try to hide small pieces of vegetables in there.
After I've got dinner in the oven, I remember that I haven't checked my phone since lunch. I pull it out, breathing a huge sigh of relief at the text from Edward: 50 years. Bree's killer got 50 years in prison. I don't know enough about Illinois sentencing laws to know if he was eligible for life in prison — Edward said there's no death penalty — but that sounds like a very fair sentence for taking the life of a young woman and her unborn child.
Is congratulations the right sentiment? I text back.
After dinner — Masen didn't notice the veggies, yay! — I hold him on my lap as we read a couple of his books until it's time to get ready for bed. It's nice, spending this quiet time with him. He snuggles up against my chest just as I've seen him do with his father. It's an amazing feeling to see his trust in me.
Once I've got Masen bathed and asleep in his playpen, I relax on the couch with a glass of wine. As I check my emails, my phone dings with an incoming text: We're happy with it. How is Masen?
Asleep upstairs. I snuck veggies into his mac and cheese.
Why didn't I think of that?
:) How are you doing?
I've been better. Can't wait to be home. Going to bed now.
Good night. See you soon. xo
As soon as I hit send, I wish I could take that message back. I added "xo" — really? Who do I think I'm talking to, my boyfriend? I bang my forehead into my phone a couple of times, cursing myself for letting my feelings slip, but when a couple of minutes go by with no reply, I start to breathe easier. Maybe he didn't even notice.
A/N: Lots of quality Bella and Masen time in this one while Edward was away for Bree's killer's sentencing. He got 50 years, which seems fair, no? (In the real life case, one of the men pleaded guilty to robbery/burglary and is awaiting sentencing. The other two men have not been tried yet.)
Moosals thought Bella was overreacting at the end when she freaked out about the "xo" in her text. What do you guys think?
Do the Americans want the next update on Thursday? Or is Friday better for you?