Author Note: Thank you for the great response to this story so far! More readers than I expected want Bella to go along with Edward on the second book signing tour, though some do think she should tell him no this time.
Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.
Chapter 24 – Sound of Thunder
"Another book signing tour?" I repeat.
"Yeah," he smiles. "My book has been selling really well and is slowly climbing the New York Times' Top 20, but my publishers think that getting exposure in some of the larger cities in California will boost its profile even more. If some of the LA book bloggers come to the signing, for example."
"That's great, Edward!" I smile widely. "Everyone is starting to see how talented you are." I really enjoyed both of his books.
"Not sure I'd go that far," he replies modestly, "but it's a great feeling. Anyway, California is a huge state and the bigger cities are so spread out that the tour could be up to a week. I-I was hoping you'd be able to come along again. They were looking at two to three weeks from now, but we can schedule it after you're done with school."
As he speaks, I just get this sinking feeling. It's not that I don't want to spend a week of uninterrupted time with Edward and Masen, and it's not that I want to leave Edward alone with Jane, but… I'm afraid that I'd end the week with my heart in tatters. I try to stay as detached as I can during our weekly dinners, chanting "we're just friends, he's not ready" over and over in my head. But this is different. In less than three days last month, I knew I was irrevocably falling for Edward. What would happen to me after a week?
I can't tell Edward that though. God, he'd probably freak.
And then I remember that I have a legitimate reason to turn him down. "An-Angela!" I nearly yell once the thought has crossed my mind. "She's due June 24," I remind him. "I'm sorry, but… I need to be here when my best friend's baby is born. Everyone says first babies are often late, but who knows?" I shrug, trying for nonchalance.
"Masen was born six days after his due date," Edward replies with a small smile, reaching out to ruffle his son's hair as Masen gently pets Sandy. "I guess… we could schedule the trip once we know for sure when you're available. They wanted to do it in June to get it in before the July Fourth holiday, and… I imagine I'll be good for nothing that week anyway," he adds quietly.
"If your publishers feel you should do it sooner rather than later, then… don't wait for me. I bet your mom would be happy to help you."
"She probably would," he allows, "but I'm asking you. Masen obviously adores you, and… I enjoy your company, too. I'd like you to come with me, Bella."
Ugh, he isn't playing fair, pleading like that with those gorgeous green eyes.
I'd thought there was nothing I wouldn't do for Edward, but at some point my sense of self-preservation needs to kick in.
"What's wrong, Bella?"
Frowning, I get to my feet, then sit heavily on the couch. I don't want to tell him the truth. I have no idea how he'll react. Telling him that I want to be more than friends might mean the end of… being friends.
"Bella?"
"I can't go with you, Edward. Who would watch Sandy for a week?"
"Didn't you say Alice had a cat when you were growing up? Couldn't she or her mom watch the kitten?"
"Maybe, but… I-I work at the bakery in the summers."
"Surely they'd let you have a week off for vacation." He looks so confused, which just makes me feel even worse for throwing one bullshit excuse at him after another. "Why do I feel like there's something I'm missing?"
"Trust me," I whisper, "you really don't want to know."
"Bella…" he sighs. He looks so hurt that I won't talk to him. I can't stand that look on his face.
"I like you," I blurt out before I can stop myself.
"I like you, too," he replies, the confusion evident in his voice.
"I mean… I like you," I repeat, feeling like I'm back in middle school.
All of the color drains from Edward's face, and I know that he understood me.
"Bella—"
"I know you're not ready for that," I interrupt him before he can tell me just that. "I didn't tell you to push you in any way, all right? Just… it's hard for me. To care so much about you and Masen. Every moment that I spend with you makes it just that little bit harder for me to pretend like I don't care. To go away with you for a whole week…" I trail off, shaking my head.
"I have to protect my heart," I whisper, tears pricking at my eyes. "And I know that's not fair to either of you, but…"
"Jesus, Bella," he cries, getting to his feet. Masen looks up at him in confusion until Sandy head-butts his hand, asking for more pets.
Edward paces back and forth across the room a few times before stopping in front of me. "You knew I'd recently lost my wife. You knew I was still grieving."
"It's not like it's something I could control!" I exclaim. "Initially I just thought you were hot, like every other woman in Forks, but then… then you started to let me in, to let me see the real you, and… I couldn't help myself. The last trip we took I found myself wanting to do so much for you… things a friend shouldn't want," I clarify. "I didn't mean to fall," I add softly, tears running down my cheeks.
"I don't know what else I can say except that I'm sorry," I continue. "I don't want to lose our friendship, I don't want to not spend time with Masen, but I can't let myself get in any deeper."
Edward buries his face in his hands. "It's too soon," he cries, lifting his hands. "I can't do this. I can't…"
"I understand that, Edward! I promise you I'm not saying any of this to try to push you into something you aren't ready for. I know you need more time, and I was prepared to wait it out, but… "
"But what?" he prompts.
"But I can't wait forever, not when you seem so far away from moving on whenever the topic comes up. And… if I'm being honest with myself, there's no guarantee that you'd ever pick me over any other woman. I'm just hurting myself by allowing myself to get closer and closer to you and Masen."
"What about hurting us?" Shit, he already sounds hurt.
"I don't want to hurt either of you," I stress. "I don't want to end our friendship, for you to disappear and not talk to me for weeks. But I have to keep some kind of distance before I end up with a broken heart. Maybe that's selfish of me, but…" I stop, wiping at my tears.
Turning around, Edward picks up his son, despite his protests. "I need some time, Bella. I think it's best for us to go home. My head is spinning, and…" he pauses, shaking his head. "I-I get that you didn't do it on purpose. I don't blame you, OK?"
"Come on, buddy," he says to his son when I don't respond.
I watch them walk out of the room, listening for the sound of the front door closing. And then I allow myself to break down. I did it. I confessed my feelings to Edward. He wasn't receptive to them, but… he actually took it better than I expected him to. I don't know if that's a good sign, or if his reaction was muted due to Masen's presence.
Lying down on the couch, I continue to cry, until I hear a scratching noise. I look up to see Sandy staring at me, having apparently climbed the couch. I reach out to rub her head, smiling at her soft purrs. With a little encouragement, she lies down beside me, letting me pet her over and over again. Animals are so intuitive; how did she know that this was exactly what I needed?
After some time, Sandy rolls to her back for some belly rubs and I see something moving on her belly! "What the—? Ugh, you have fleas!"
Forgetting about my own issues, I quickly put her down on the floor, then sit down at my computer to Google how to get rid of fleas. A bath in dishwashing soap seems to be in order. Since she's not very large, I carry Sandy into the half bath, scrubbing her in the sink despite her very vocal protests. When I have all of the soap rinsed out, I dry her with the nearby hand towel.
Sandy gives me a look of betrayal as I dry her pretty fur. Once I think she's dry enough, I set her on the toilet lid and slip out of the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I run the vacuum throughout the kitchen and living room — wherever she's been — including using the hose attachment on the couch until I hope that all traces of the fleas are gone.
Putting the vacuum away once I've emptied the bag outside, l lean against the wall, shaking my head at how this day turned out. It was perfect, absolutely perfect — even coming home with a new pet — and then it all went to shit. I grab my phone to text Alice, then stop as I run through Edward's and my conversation in my head.
He said he needed time; he didn't say no.
The following day is Memorial Day, when my dad always has a big barbecue in his backyard for all of his friends and fellow cops. His own father served in the Korean War, and so he has never passed up a chance to honor our military.
Most of the time I wish I had a house with a more open-concept floor plan, but it's nice that I can just put all of Sandy's things in the kitchen and close the door. I'm not comfortable with letting her have the run of the whole house yet.
When I get to my dad's, I'm still in a bit of a mood over what happened with Edward, but I try to push it aside and have a good time. Dad is so busy hosting that he doesn't notice my reticence, but Sue notices and confronts me.
"Man troubles," I admit.
"Oh!" she exclaims, raising her eyebrows. "I didn't know you were dating anyone."
"I'm not, but… I'd like to be."
"And he doesn't feel the same?" she asks sympathetically.
"He… isn't in a position to feel the same."
"He's not… married?!" she gasps.
"Oh no, nothing like that," I assure her. "But he's still getting over his last relationship. I finally told him last night how I feel, and now I guess I can't do anything but wait."
"Well, if he's got any brains in his head, he'll jump at the chance to be with you," she smiles, wrapping one arm around my back.
I give Sue a small smile in return, hoping she's right.
On Tuesday, I make a call over my lunch hour to the one veterinarian in Forks about getting an appointment for Sandy. I rush home after school to collect her, forcing her into the pet carrier that Edward bought, then drive to the vet clinic.
"Good afternoon," the vet greets me, leading us back to a room. "What have we got here?"
"I picked up this kitten at First Beach on Sunday," I explain. "She's a couple months old, maybe? I assume she needs her shots. And for you to confirm that she's actually a girl."
"Well, let's take a look," she smiles, open the front door of the carrier and coaxing Sandy out. "Oh, she's beautiful. And yes, definitely a girl."
"What do you call her color?" I ask curiously. "It's such a pale orange, almost like the color of the sand."
"We call this color 'buff'," she explains, setting Sandy on the scale. "Two pounds, seven ounces. I'd put her age at around nine weeks."
After a thorough examination, Sandy gets one shot today, plus a dose of flea medicine, just in case her bath didn't kill all of them. I need to bring her in again in three weeks for more shots.
On my way out, the assistant at the desk gives me a list of some of their favorite products for cats — toys, cat trees, etc. — that I can buy online at much better prices than the Thriftway or any of the larger pet stores in Port Angeles. I thank them profusely.
Once we're home, I sit on the couch, pulling out my phone as Sandy climbs into my lap. I'm disappointed to see that I still haven't heard from Edward, but I won't push him.
As I leave to go meet the girls two days later, I'm still waiting for any kind of response from Edward. I'm looking forward to getting their outsiders' insights into our situation.
I get out of my truck at almost the same time as Angela exits her car, though I'm a lot more graceful. She looks ready to pop at any time, despite her due date being just over three weeks away. I hug her, and then we walk in together to find Alice already waiting.
"Any update from your doctor?" I ask Angela once we've sat down. She has weekly appointments now that she's getting so close.
"No signs of labor yet. I just need her to hang on another couple of weeks until school is out."
"Fingers crossed for you," I smile.
"So what's new in your life, Swan?" Alice asks.
Smiling, I pull out my phone and show them one of the dozens of photos I've taken of Sandy since Sunday.
"You got a cat?!" she exclaims.
"Introducing Sandy," I smile. "She's only about nine weeks old, according to the vet."
"Sandy?" Angela questions. "Like in Grease?"
"No, I found her on First Beach when I went last weekend with Edward and Masen."
"Ooohhh…" Alice makes me laugh as she waggles her eyebrows.
"Don't get too excited. We had a great day, but then later he asked me about coming along on another book tour, this time to California."
"That's great!" Angela smiles. "He must really trust his son with you."
"No, it's not great. I mean yeah, it's great that he trusts me. But I can't spend a whole week away with Edward and Masen and then come back and… I don't know, wait years for him to be ready to date only to have him tell me he wants some woman he met at the grocery store. I can't let my feelings for him get any stronger than they already are without ending up heartbroken."
"So you turned him down?" Alice asks, eyes wide. "What about Jane the Pain?"
I nod. "Gave him every excuse I could think of before I finally told him the truth. And before you ask, he took it… maybe not as badly as I'd have expected, but… he left with Masen and I haven't heard from him since. He said he needed time, and I'm trying to give it to him. As for Jane… I figure if Edward isn't ready for anything with me, he wouldn't fall prey to her charms either.
"Am I doing the right thing?" I ask hesitantly. "I feel like… I don't know… is it fair for me to say I'll be his friend but still keep my distance? It's not his fault I developed feelings for him."
"Is it fair of him to treat you like a good friend and freak out at the thought of more?" Alice asks. "What you guys are doing is so close to dating anyway! Subtract a little Masen and add a little kissing and touching at the end of the night, and you're there!"
"I don't think he sees it that way," I chuckle sadly.
A/N: So, Bella did decide that this second book tour was one favor too many, and her self-preservation needs to kick in. The cat's out of the bag now (haha) and Edward didn't take it all that well. And now he's ignoring her again, though it's only been four days. I imagine some of you want to junk punch him.
FF was being a pain and reviews were not showing up online since Tuesday night, but that seems to have resolved overnight. Hopefully it'll behave today.
Next update on Monday!