Set during 6x05 "Now" and 6x07 "Heads Up"

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart.

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think I could love

Living by the sea, no one could set me free

Before you came to me

I was in a pretty dark place, praying for the end

"Blue Blood" – Laurel

Chapter 7 – You Made Me Feel Again

"I heard what you said to mom," Amelia told her brother as she walked into his room. He looked up at her and nodded. She walked closer to him and folded her arms over her chest. "That was really fucked up, Spence."

"I know," he murmured.

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because I was drunk," Spencer slurred. "I am drunk."

"There's more to it than that," Mia claimed. "You weren't just drunk, Spencer. You were angry, angry enough to put the blame of Aiden's and dad's death on her."

"A part of me does blame her," Spencer admitted quietly. "A part of me blames her for everything that's happened since Rick's group got here."

Mia inhaled slowly as she watched her older brother for a moment in silence. She pressed her lips into a thin line and walked over to his bed, sitting down beside him. She wrapped an arm around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. "If anything we should blame ourselves."

"I know," he responded quietly.

"But you don't want to," Mia sighed.

"Nope," Spencer whispered.

"No one was responsible for Aiden's death other than Aiden and Nicholas, and no one was responsible for dad's death other than Pete," Mia told him.

"I know," he said. "I just got so angry with her."

"I know," Mia said. She placed her other arm around him. "I know."

"I miss them so much and there's nothing that fills that void," Spencer admitted.

Mia nodded solemnly. "You have to remember them for the things they accomplished, the things that they left behind for us to remember them by. Dad built the walls so we could be protected and Aiden went on supply runs to keep this place going."

"It hurts to remember them," Spencer murmured. "But I know it's good that I do."

"It is, Spence. Even though it may hurt, it's good," Mia assured him. He placed a hand over her arm and leaned his head against hers.

"I love you, Mia," Spencer whispered.

"I love you too, Spence," Mia responded without hesitation.

Mia knocked before entering Rick's house. He had told her to come over whenever she needed and she was happy to take him up on that offer. She walked into the kitchen, surveying her surroundings. She smiled when Carl walked into the room holding Judith in his arms.

"Hello, beautiful," Amelia greeted the infant as Carl walked closer. She bent over to play with Judith once he got close enough.

"I prefer handsome," Carl jokes, causing Mia to smile lightly at the boy.

"I'll remember that," Mia winked. She stood up straight and glanced around the room. "Is your dad here?"

It was already dark out so Mia thought Rick wouldn't have any other place to be other than doing rounds.

"He went to talk to your mom," Carl told her. "He said you should wait for him if you came by."

"Did he say what he wanted to talk to her about?" Mia questioned.

"He said something about the defenses of this place," Carl answered.

"Oh," Mia murmured. "I'll just wait down here then."

"Feel free to raid the fridge," Carl said as he drifted into the kitchen with Judith on his hip.

"You should probably get some sleep," Mia told him. "I can take Judith until she falls asleep."

"Are you sure?" Carl asked.

"Of course. Besides, I skipped my rotation today anyways," Mia explained.

"If you're sure," he said as he shifted Judith in his arms.

"I got it, Carl," she said. "I'll put her to bed when she falls asleep. You just go get some sleep yourself."

"Okay," Carl said as he handed Judith over to Amelia. "Thanks."

"No need," Mia said, smiling. "It kind of relaxes me."

Carl watched them for a moment before nodding. "I approve of it, you know."

"Of what?" Mia looked up at him.

"Of you… and my dad, being together and stuff," Carl clarified.

Mia smiled. "Thank you, Carl. That means a lot coming from you."

"Goodnight, Mia," he said after a few seconds of silence.

"Goodnight, Carl," she responded.

She had to wait with Judith less than an hour for Rick to show up.

"Hey," he said when he saw her waiting for him in the living room. He smiled at Judith. "What are you two doing here?"

"Just waiting patiently for you," Mia smirked as he took Judith from her arms and placed a short kiss against her lips.

"I had to talk to your mom about our defense plan, but our conversation turned out a bit different than I had planned," Rick explained.

"What do you mean?" Mia asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Your mom fought off a walker," Rick told her.

"What?!" Mia exclaimed. "How was there even one inside the gates?"

"It was a member of the group that attacked here earlier," Rick told her. "Carol had killed one, but never found a body. It was hiding under a house and came out when your mom was walking by. She stabbed it with a broken bottle."

"Wow," Mia breathed. I ran a hand over her hair. "I could never picture my mom or dad fighting a walker."

"She did a pretty good job," Rick said. "We just have to remind her that head shots are what counts."

"Where'd she stab it?"

"The chest quite a few times," Rick answered.

"Hm," Mia sighed. "Well, at least she's okay."

"Did you come by for something?" Rick asked.

"No," Amelia said. "I just wanted to see you."

"Is everything all right?"

Mia held his gaze for a long moment, biting her lip softly. "No. Nothing is all right. Aiden and my dad are dead and there are a couple hundred walkers right outside the gate. It's as if the hits will never stop coming, and I need it to stop because I don't know how much more I can take, Rick, and that terrifies me."

Rick's expression softened when he saw the tears welling up in her eyes. He lifted a hand and caressed her cheek. "I won't let anything happen to you."

"I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about Spencer and my mom. I can't lose them. They're the only family I have left. I went through so much and traveled so far to find them. I can't lose them now, Rick."

"People die all the time, Mia. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to stop it," Rick told her.

"That's what terrifies me, Rick. What good is all this experience and—and skill if I can't use it to save the people I love?" Mia asked. She wiped her eyes and exhaled slowly. "I mourned my brother and I mourned my father. I survived that because I had to, because I had no other choice, but if I lose my mother or brother or you… I don't know if I can survive that."

"You can," Rick said. "You're strong."

"I used to think that too, but eventually I realized that I was just pretending to be strong," Mia said. "I've killed walkers. I've killed people that I loved and I've killed people that I hated. I'm tired of killing. I'm tired of fighting. It's all I've done since this began."

"If you don't fight, you die," Rick responded.

"I didn't say I was done fighting. I'm just tired of it," Mia sighed.

Rick sighed quietly and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Yeah. Me too."

Mia awoke in a sweat to find her hands clenched tightly in the blanket. She sat up and attempted to steady her breathing, but it seemed like too much to take in as she tried to bring herself back into reality

"It was only a dream," Mia whispered. The dream, or nightmare rather, had been so vivid, but she was grateful she was waking up to this reality and not one where she was running for her life. She leaned her back against the cool wall behind the bed.

"Are you okay?" Rick asked as he turned over to face her. He sat up beside her.

Mia looked at him and nodded. "Yeah. It was just a bad dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rick questioned.

"A while back, after Dean and Sam, I was with another group. We survived together for a while before we were captured by a bigger group. They took us back to their farm and strung us up like cattle. They starved us and bled us out to keep us weak. They took the boys and made them fight off over a dozen walkers in this corral with nothing more than a blunt knife. They all died pretty quickly, but the girls—they took us out into the woods and released us. They used hounds to hunt us like animals and the woods were filled with walkers. It was one of the scariest moments of my life," Mia admitted quietly. She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face. She could see the concern in Rick's expression, but she needed to finish. "We had to keep running and we had to be smart or they would catch us. We killed quite a few of them, but Eloise, one of my friends, got shot. She was dying and told us to leave her behind. I didn't want to, but if we had stayed we would have died too. Shay, Tierney, and I manage to lead them awry and we got out, but Shay got bit. We went for as long as possible before we had to stop. I killed Shay out of pity so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Tierney never recovered from losing Shay, though. You see, Tierney had been in love with Shay since the moment they met. Losing Shay was too much for her. She stopped fighting. She gave up her will to live and died a week later. Or rather, I killed her because she asked me to. That's what my dream was about; the running part at least."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Mia," Rick told her. He ran a hand over her arm slowly. "Is that how you got the scars?"

"Yeah." Mia nodded. "They would cut us up over and over again to keep us bleeding. It hurt like hell and the healing process took forever."

"What kind of sick mind does that?" Rick asked.

"The kind that thrives in this world," Mia answered solemnly. She sighed quietly and pursed her lips. She could feel Rick's hand on her thigh and took comfort in his company. "At the beginning of the outbreak I actually thought I could get through it without getting blood on my hands. Boy, was I wrong."

"We've all got blood on our hands," Rick told her as he squeezed her leg lightly. Mia looked at him and smiled sadly.

"Some more than others," she murmured. She put her hand over Rick's and squeezed lightly before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I'm going to go check on my mom."

"I have to talk to Maggie then give Ron a shooting lesson," Rick said.

"Jessie's son?"

"He asked me to teach him and I said yes," Rick explained. "These people have to learn how to protect themselves."

"I agree," Mia said. "The sooner they learn the better."

"Have you tried to teach your mom or brother?"

"They know the basics, but other than that I'm not sure they want to know," Mia said.

"What do you mean?" Rick asked.

"They're scared," Mia answered. "They know what they have to do, but that might not be enough."

"They'll figure it out," Rick told her.

"I hope so," Mia sighed. She took a deep breath before swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "I should go."

"Hey," Rick said, causing Mia to glance over her shoulder at him. "I'm going to talk to Morgan later and I want you to be there."

"Okay," Mia said, nodding. "Just find me when you're ready."

"Will do," Rick responded. She leaned back and placed a short kiss against his lips.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked.

"When I was coming back," Rick paused to clear his throat, "I tried to cut off the herd with the R.V., lead the walkers away, but five of those people with the W's in their forehead… they stopped me. They tried to kill me, shot up the R.V., and Carol said she saw you—that you wouldn't kill those people."

"Did you let any of them go?" Carol asked calmly.

"Yes, I did," Morgan answered. Rick and Mia exchanged a look before he continued. "I didn't want to kill five people I didn't have to kill."

"They burned people alive," Carol reminded him.

"Yeah," Morgan sighed. He sat up slightly as he looked at Rick. "Why didn't you kill me, Rick? Back in King County? I pulled a knife on you. I stabbed you. So, why didn't you kill me? Is it because I saved you after the hospital?"

"Cause I knew who you were," Rick answered.

"Back there I would have killed you as soon as look at you, and I tried. But you, you let me live and then I was there to help Aaron and Daryl. See, if I—if I wasn't there… if they died… maybe those wolves wouldn't have been able to come back here," Morgan explained. "I don't know what's right anymore. 'Cause I did want to kill those men. I seen what they did, what they would have keep doing." He sighed. "I knew I could end it, but I also know that people can change. 'Cause everyone sitting here has. All life is precious. And that idea—that idea changed me. It brought me back and keeps me living."

"I just don't think it can be that easy," Michonne retorted.

"It's not easy," Morgan told her.

"I wasn't saying—" Michonne began.

"I—I know," Morgan said. "And I've thought about letting that idea go, but I don't want to."

"You may have to," Mia sighed.

"Things aren't as simple as four words," Michonne said. "I don't think they ever were."

"Do you think I don't belong here?" Morgan asked, looking at Rick.

"Making it now, you really think you can do that without getting blood on your hands?" Rick asked.

"I don't know," Morgan answered.

Mia bit her lip as she looked at Rick. He met her gaze and nodded weakly before taking her hand. She didn't know what trials they would have to face in the days to come, but she did know that Rick would be by her side through it all. For that, she was grateful.

"If we can somehow get outside the walls, get back to the cars at the quarry, we could use them to lead them away," Rick explained to Michonne and Amelia.

"We'll set up more watch points. Coordinate the shooting of guns and flares so we can pull them out in even directions," Michonne said.

"We'd need to get all our people on it," Rick said. "Carl, Tara, Rosita, Carol."

"What about the others?" Mia asked.

"Well, let's just keep this to our own for now," Rick responded.

"They are my own," Mia told him.

"If we had time, we would bring the people along, sure," Rick said. "But we haven't had a chance to catch our breath."

"We're in here together. We're catching our breath right now," Michonne said. "Anything else is just excuses."

Mia pressed her lips together and sighed quietly. She loved Rick with all her heart, but she hoped he could learn to accept the other Alexandrians into his family before it was too late.

"Deanna," Rick greeted as Mia's mother stepped up onto the porch.

"Rick. Mia. Michonne," Deanna said.

"What is that?" Mia asked as she gestured to her mother.

"Plans for the expansion," Deanna answered.

"We got a few other things on our plate right now," Rick told her.

"I know," Deanna said. "These are what for what Alexandria can be after this, because one way or another, there's going to be an after this."

Mia offered a smile in her mother's direction before taking the papers from her mother's hand. Deanna gave her daughter, Rick, and Michonne one last smile before leaving them behind on the porch.

"She's right, you know," Mia said, looking up at Rick. "There's going to be an after and we have to prepare for it. These plans will help with that."

Rick stared down at her for a moment before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I want to plan for a future with you, I do, but we need to worry about the walkers outside the gates first," Rick told her. "Let's deal with them first and then we can look at those plans. I promise, okay?"

"Okay," Mia sighed, nodding slowly. "I trust you."

Amelia rubbed at the kink in her neck as she stepped out of her house. She had been looking for her mother or brother, but came to find the house empty. Mia fidgeted with the leather bracelet on her wrist and shut the door behind her. She had managed to clean Aiden's blood off the bracelet, but she couldn't help but think back to the day he died every time she looked at it. It had remained on her wrist since he gave it to her moments before he died and she never wanted to take it off.

"Hey," Dean said as Mia walked down the steps to meet him on the sidewalk.

"Hi," Mia responded with a sigh. She had been trying to avoid him since he made his declaration, but she knew it wouldn't last forever. Alexandria wasn't that big.

"How are you holding up… with everything that's going on?" Dean asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"I'm fine," Mia answered shortly. "Just a little tired."

"The nightmares?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "What about you?"

"I'm just trying to do whatever I can to help," Dean told her. "Let me know if there's anything else I can do."

"Will do," Mia responded with a weak smile. She started off in the opposite direction, but looked back to wave goodbye to Dean. While she didn't want to lead him on, she still missed him.

Mia started down the street towards the wall that she knew Rick was working on, but stopped short when she saw her brother hanging from a rope between the wall and a building just outside Alexandria. She didn't have to be told anything to know his objective. Instead, she broke into a run towards the watch tower Spencer was hanging from, only slowing when she saw Rick headed in the same direction.

"What is he doing?" Rick asked as they met at the tower.

"Being an idiot," Mia huffed angrily before hopping up the ladder. When she reached the top, she peered down to see all the dead ones gathered right below her brother.

"Spencer!" Rick shouted. "Hey, Spencer, get back here!"

"Spencer! Don't be stupid! Get back here!" Mia yelled to her brother despite knowing he would be too stubborn to listen to her or Rick.

"Spencer! Spencer, move!" Tara shouted from the next watch tower.

Mia clenched her jaw as she watched her brother continue to slide across the rope towards the building outside the walls. She gasped when the grappling hook slipped slightly from the roof of the other building, causing Spencer's legs to lose their grip on the rope. His legs fell from it as he tried to keep a hold on the rope with his hands.

"Go! Keep moving!" Rick shouted, snapping Mia out of her worry trance. "Hurry!"

"Spence! Hold on!" Mia shouted before turning to Rick. "He's not going to make it."

"He'll make it," Rick assured her as he placed a hand against her cheek. "He'll be okay."

They turned back to Spencer when they heard the hook snap loose from the roof. Spencer swung down and smacked into the wall, falling to the floor a second later.

"Spencer! Move, damn it!" Mia called down as she grabbed the gun from her waist and started shooting the walkers that were nearing her brother.

"Spencer, come on!" Rick shouted as he grabbed the rope on their end.

Spencer struggled to get to his feet as the walkers closed in on him. Mia was grateful for Tara, who was also trying to take down the walkers from her post. Mia's brother shoved several dead ones away from him before grabbing the rope hanging down from the wall. He started to climb the rope as Rick began to pull him up. Tara and Mia continued to shoot at the walkers as Spencer continued to climb the rope. Mia sighed heavily when she ran out of bullets and quickly tucked her gun into her belt before moving to help Rick pull her brother up. Soon enough, both Tobin and Morgan were there to lend a hand. They helped pull Spencer up over the wall and onto the watch tower. Mia kneeled beside her brother, checking him for bite marks or scratches, any sign that he was hurt by the walkers. When she was sure he was fine, she slapped him over the head and punched him lightly on the chest.

"What the hell was that? You could have gotten yourself killed!" Mia yelled angrily at him.

"Tara! You almost died once for these people!" Rick shouted at the girl on the next watch tower. Mia looked up at Rick with disappointment crossing her expression.

"What?!" Tara shouted back.

"What the hell were you doing?!" Rick asked, frustrated. Tara didn't bother responding. Instead, she gave him the middle finger and turned away. Mia sighed heavily as she looked back at her brother.

"Lost a damn shoe," Spencer huffed. "Crap."

"What was that?" Rick asked as he gestured towards the other building.

"I was trying to help. I wanted to get to a car, draw them away," Spencer answered.

"You ever make a climb like that before?" Rick asked, leaning down towards Spencer. When the younger man didn't answer, Rick continued. "You want to help? Don't make us come running to save you. You got an idea, you come to me."

"Would you have listened to me?" Spencer asked. Mia looked up at Rick for the answer, but he just sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"Let's get you home," Mia told her brother and helped him stand up. She gave Rick one last disappointed glance before climbing down the ladder after her brother.

I'm so tired of it all, Amelia thought to herself as she lied back on her bed.

"Are you okay?"

Mia looked to her door where Rick was standing, his arms crossed over his chest.

She bit her lip softly and returned her gaze to the ceiling. A sigh escaped her mouth as she scooted over on the bed and patted the space next to her. Rick didn't hesitate to lie down next to her.

"I'm just tired, Rick," Mia told him quietly.

"Yeah, I get that," Rick responded as he took her hand.

"No," Mia retorted. "I don't think you do."

"What do you mean?" Rick asked her.

Mia sighed before turning her head to look at him. "I'm tired of trying to convince you that these people are your people now."

"It takes time to get to that point and I don't think we're there yet," Rick explained quietly. Mia swallowed hard and took a deep breath. She turned her body to face Rick and propped her head up on her elbow.

"I'm one of them, Rick. I'm an Alexandrian. That's who I am now, and accepting me means that you have to accept them too. I can't always be worrying that if we're out there or if trouble follows us back home that you will only protect your family and not mine," Mia said, releasing Rick's hand. "My family needs to be your family. I need you to accept them. If you can't bring yourself to do that then I don't know how I can be with you."

"You'd break up with me over them?" Rick asked, baffled.

"I'd break up with you because of my family, Rick," Mia told him. "If you can't understand how much they mean to me, then maybe you don't really understand me."

"I understand that, Amelia, but you can't expect me to accept strangers into my family," Rick said.

"No," Mia sighed. "I guess I can't."

"I love you, and I would do anything for you so I will try to learn to accept them, but it won't happen overnight," Rick said as he lifted a hand to push some hair out of Mia's face.

"All I wanted to hear is that you'd try," Mia responded.

"I gotta go help build up a brace on the wall, but I'll be back later," Rick said and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too," Mia whispered as Rick rose from the bed and left her room.

"They're good plans," Michonne told her as they sat on the porch. Mia had brought the large paper by Rick's house to let Michonne get a look at the layout plans.

"Yeah," Mia said. "They're hopeful, which is something I think we need."

"Do you know what this means?" Michonne asked as she gestured to the paper. Mia looked down and saw the Latin quote.

"It's something that my father used to say when things weren't looking up," Mia explained. She dropped her head into her hands. "I miss him and Aiden all the time. This place is a constant reminder of them, of the small amount of time that were able to spend together here."

"The memories you had together will always be with you," Michonne told her. "Cherish them."

"I will. I do," Mia said quietly. "But sometimes that only makes it harder."

"Of course it does, but that doesn't mean that you block those memories," Michonne said. "Use them to push you forward. Honor their memory."

Mia glanced sideways at Michonne and smiled softly. "Thank you for this."

"You're one of us now," Michonne said. "That makes you family."

"I just wish Rick saw it that way," Mia said. "Not with me, but with everyone else."

"He'll get there. He just needs time," Michonne said.

"I hope you're right," Mia sighed. She let the silence grow between them for a couple minutes. "I'm going to find Rick. He makes me go crazy sometimes, but I love him."

"Then go to him," Michonne said.

"I'll see you later," Mia said as she placed a hand on Michonne's shoulder. She rose from her seat and started down the street towards the wall.

Amelia found herself slowing as she approached the edge of the community. She couldn't help but smile when she saw the green balloons floating upwards through the sky. She knew that it was a signal, a signal that someone was alive. It was either coming from Glenn and Nicholas or Daryl, Sasha, and Abraham. Either way, it gave her hope.

Then she heard the crack coming from the tower outside the walls. Mia's jaw dropped when the tower fell down onto the wall that Rick had been working on. She couldn't think of herself in that moment. Instead, her thoughts went to Rick and her family. Were they alright? Were they safe?

She needed to find them.