"And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad,
That dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."
~Gary Jules "Mad World"
"I knew I'd find you here."
She looked at his figure, coming out of the darkness and walking over to where she sat, playing with a knife. It was the last night before the Games and she couldn't sleep. She'd tried for hours and finally, incredibly frustrated with herself, she had decided to go for a walk.
And there she was. In the training room, her fingers sliding across the cold blade.
"Your bedroom door was wide open, I figured you'd gone somewhere."
"Hey," Clove murmured, staring up at him from the floor. His hair was messy, his eyes tired and a little red. He almost looked innocent; like a little boy. She smiled.
"What's funny, little girl?" He asked with a smirk, sitting down beside her.
"You don't look like you're capable of killing right now, tough guy." She teased him, thinking it'd piss him off. She was wrong. Cato laughed.
"Well, you don't look all that tough yourself, Clover."
She nodded with a smile, because it was true. She was wearing a simple top and sweatpants, her hair was tied into a messy ponytail. She definitly didn't look like that girl from 2 that hits the target in the very middle every single time she throws a knife.
"So.. what are you doing here?" He asked again, giving up that smirk of his and sending her a questioning look.
"I couldn't sleep." She replied truthfully, shrugging.
"Yeah, me neither."
Clove glanced at him and realized he was sitting quite close to her. She could feel his breath on her face. He was looking into her dark, cold eyes for a while and then smiled. But she didn't recognize that smile. She was used to all his cocky smirks and arrogant laughs, or the rare but real smiles he'd sometimes send her from across the training room. But even those had never ever reached his eyes before.
Now, this smile that he was giving her was something else. His eyes were much softer and also smiling. It was hypnotizing, true, comforting and sad at the same time. Bittersweet.
"We've been waiting for this, haven't we?" He whispered with that smile still present on his face. Clove glanced at his lips, the corners of them slightly turned upwards , and back into his eyes. She felt her heart speed up and for the first time ever she wished she had never volunteered. She wished she could just spend the rest of her life around this guy... She wished that..
Clove shook her head, snapping out of it. She nodded in response to what he'd just said and got up from the floor.
"I'll go and try to fall asleep again," she told him "it's our big day tomorrow."
"Indeed." He agreed. She bit her lip in confusion and nodded again, turning around to walk away. She took a few steps and stopped, feeling his eyes on her back. She looked at him over her shoulder.
"How did you know I was here?"
He was still wearing the same smile and the way it was affecting her made her feel uneasy.
"Well... every time you had a bad day or got mad, you'd run off to that secluded training room people had stopped using ages ago and start throwing knives at everything." He explained, his voice quiet and so different from the tone he normally uses, even around her.
She narrowed her eyes. How well does that guy know her? It scared her. If he knew her that well, he'd just become an even bigger threat in the arena.
Little did she know he was talking about the room where he had officially met her for the first time.
"District 12's floor was my second guess." He added, his smile turning into a smirk. She chuckled, in spite of herself and threw the knife she was holding at the nearest dummy. He followed it and watched as it hit it straight where a human's heart would be. His eyes travelled back to her face and she sent him a small, barely recognizable smile.
"Good night, Cato."
He smiled back at her.
"Good night, little girl."
And she started to walk away, thinking she knew what would happen within the next few hours. Thinking she was prepared for every scenario in the book. She had yet to find out just how wrong she was.
And as he watched her leave with her back turned on him, his smile faded completely, as he began thinking of every possible way to protect her in the arena. Little did he know he would not be getting that chance.
She disappeared in the darkness and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He then whispered to himself, having no idea that he was just as oblivious as Clove:
"See you tomorrow."
It seemed like the Game Makers had changed way more than just the things they already knew about. Not only had they teamed them up, left them with no supplies and divided the arena. They had also, apparently, thought it'd be funny if they left the bodies of those who'd died in the arena. Just for good measure. Just to mess with their minds even more.
Clove was not able to shake the look on Marvel's face out of her mind. His lifeless eyes, widened in pain and shock. He was haunting her. There was no getting away from him.
They came back to their spot, fairly close to the stream and Thresh knelt by the pile of wood he must have abandoned when he'd heard her yell. Katniss carried on prepping the rabbit and Clove quickly looked away, feeling sick.
The smell of fire and cooked meat was not doing her any good. Nausea had come back, twice as intense, and as Thresh handed her a piece of that rabbit, her stomach almost flipped at the sight of it. So she sat there, trying not to look at it and force herself into thinking she actually had an appetite.
The rest had absolutely no trouble enjoying Fire Girl's catch. Especially the kid, who ended up finishing first and was now trying to bite every last tiny bit of meat off the bone. She wasn't the only one who noticed, either.
"You want mine, too?" Katniss asked the boy, holding out her half eaten rabbit leg in his direction. He looked at it hungrily, but resisted and shook his head.
"That's okay," he murmured, making the brunette smile lightly.
"Here," she said with a small laugh, handing it to him. He took it from her with a grateful smile.
"Thanks."
Clove looked away and glanced down at the meat in her hand, swallowing hard. She knew she didn't have a choice. She had to force herself to eat it if she were to get out of the arena. That is if she still even wanted to get out. But as soon as the food touched her tongue, she knew her stomach was not going to take it lightly. She swallowed the first piece and grimaced. Quickly, she took another one, then another. She could feel her body trying to accommodate to it but it was no use. She was rejecting it.
Clove picked herself up from the ground and walked away without a word this time. She ran off into the woods, hoping they were not going to follow her. Once out of breath, she stopped and rested one hand on the nearest tree, panting. Another minute had passed before she bent over and threw up everything she'd managed to eat earlier. She coughed a few times and winced at the bad taste in her mouth.
"Shit," she murmured to herself, squeezing her eyes shut. She knew she had to keep some food down. She was not gonna get better otherwise. She was such an easy target at this point already.
Clove wiped her mouth with her forearm and slowly turned around. But she wasn't going back to her allies. She needed a minute without them. She needed to think, for whatever it'd be worth. Looking around, she tried to remember how to get back to the stream and surprisingly, she didn't have a hard time finding it. It took her maybe a few minutes and there she was, kneeling by the water and washing her face with it.
She looked up to where Marvel and Glimmer had stood what seemed like an hour ago. Right before they tried to kill them. Her, in particular.
She remembered that Marvel was dead. His eyes flashed before her own yet again and she closed them briefly to get rid of that image. She looked down at her reflection in the stream and didn't recognize herself.
Who are you, Clove?
She looked at her arm, which despite being all healed now, was covered in dried blood. She quickly gathered some water in the palm of her hand and splashed it on her arm, then started rubbing the blood off. She kept doing that until she completely got rid of it and sighed in relief. Her hands reached back and began to untie her hair from how the Capitol people had done it for the Games. When she was done, her fingers ran through her black, soft hair until they were stopped by a few tangles. She took a closer look and realized there was some more dried blood in her hair. So she bent over the stream and slowly started to rub the water in her hair, trying to wash all the blood and dirt out of it. For some reason, she thought it would help her. It would maybe somehow help remove his dead face from her damaged mind. She gathered her now wet hair to one side and stroked it with both hands, feeling the water drip down on her shirt. It felt nice, having it down and free. She realized she'd always had it tied, all her life.
"Hey,"
Clove couldn't help but shiver a little, out of surprise. She looked over her shoulder. Thresh was there, holding the sword by his side, backpack in his other hand. He must have followed her here. Her eyes lingered on the blood marked blade for a while before she turned her face around and glanced down at her own reflection again.
Thresh watched her for a minute, then walked over to where she was kneeling and crouched down next to her. They stayed there for a couple of minutes in silence, until he decided to break it.
"We have to keep moving soon." His deep voice rang out in her ears "you alright?"
"I'm fine." She replied automatically as if somebody had written that down for her. Even though she knew very well she was anything but fine. Thresh looked like he knew that, as well. But he didn't say anything. What was there to say?
Out of the corner of her eye, Clove watched him put the sword on the ground in front of him. He gathered some water in the palms of his big, strong hands, just like she did a few minutes earlier, and started to wash the blood off of the weapon. She frowned at his actions, surprised that he just happened to have decided on doing something she had just got done doing herself. Clove continued to watch the blade for another minute and then turned away, splashing her face with cool water one last time. She sighed contentedly at the pleasant, refreshing feeling and kept her eyes closed.
All those terrifying images from the previous night came back to her and she opened her eyes quickly to get rid of them. She could feel Thresh's presence right next to her and damn it, whether she liked it or not it had delivered a little comfort. It had also calmed her down. The fact he was so strong and fearless, the fact that he had saved her life... the fact he reminded her of Cato; all that was comforting her in a way she never would have thought she'd need before.
Once again, her body did not feel like her own. She did not feel like herself. Her mouth opened without her permission and the voice that came out of it sounded nothing like her. Let alone, the words that escaped her lips like a snake:
"Thank you."
Thresh stopped cleaning the sword at once, but did not take his eyes off of it. Somewhere deep inside Clove felt so angry at what she'd just let herself say, but she wasn't the same person anymore. And so the bigger, dominant part of her felt... relieved. She had never spoken those words to anyone before. Ever.
A good minute or two had passed before he finally turned his face to look her in the eyes; she met his intense stare with her own and she knew there was no need to explain. Because Thresh knew very well what she'd just thanked him for. He still looked shocked enough, though and it took him another while to react. At last, he gave her a simple, but slow nod and she could swear she saw a ghost of a smile on his handsome face before he went back to cleaning the sword without a word.
Clove looked back at the reflection of the girl in the water. She could only hope that before she dies, she will be able to look at that pale, tired face again and recognize the person it belongs to.
Cato grabbed a hold of the dagger he'd found by the stream and threw it up in the air. It twirled a few times before falling down and he caught it swiftly, looking at the blood stains anxiously. He knew Clove was still out there, alive, but he didn't know whether she was actually okay. She could be injured. He couldn't stop thinking about that. He wasn't sure when exactly he'd decided to give up the crown for her. But he knew what his new mission was.
To win? No. Not even close. She was his new mission. He wanted to find her and make sure that she'll be the one to get out of here. He didn't want to win. Not anymore. He didn't give two shits about winning. Not after what he'd been through since day 1. Since he'd learned how it feels to fear for someone's life so much. To miss someone in the way he'd been missing her. Not since he'd realized that winning would mean losing everything he had.
They carried on walking into the woods, away from the stream. He could only hope that at least one of them would find their way back to the water. Ginger will, most possibly. They had stayed quite far away from it for the night, in case some armed tributes decided to stop by. Cato didn't trust his allies to keep watch and he certainly didn't think they'd be able to fight back if taken by surprise.
"I think we should hunt." Peeta suggested, interrupting everyone's thoughts.
"Other tributes, yeah." Cato laughed dryly, throwing his dagger up in the air again, then catching it, "you're finally starting to make sense, Lover Boy."
"I meant animals." The other guy responded coldly, glaring at his back.
"No shit." Cato hissed in a 'shut up' kind of voice, looking over his shoulder. Peeta just looked away, irritated.
"Wait." Lily said all of a sudden, making them all stop.
"What now? You have an even more brilliant idea, Ginger?" Cato mocked, smirking at her. She actually smirked back. Damn that girl.
"No. I need a minute." She said and he raised his eyebrows at her questioningly. "I have to pee, genius."
He glared at her for her mocking nickname, but that didn't stop him from sizing her up. And he certainly couldn't help his arrogant nature.
"Want me to come with?" He asked suggestively. If she could play with him, then he could play back. She'd probably never agree but her personality was somehow similar to Clove's. She was also sarcastic, clever and blunt. For some reason, deep inside, he was actually starting to take a liking to her.
"Shouldn't you ask me to dinner first?" She asked sarcastically, already walking away and ignoring his laugh. Well, at least he did have a few laughs with one of his allies. He threw Rue and Peeta a glance, both of them looked very unamused. He raised his eyebrows at them, as well.
"Anyone else?"
Thresh had left her by a stream what seemed like ages ago, yet she still didn't seem to be able to move. She knew they had to keep moving. But she felt like she cared so little. Under different circumstances, she probably would have been more appreciative that she had escaped death's embrace. But really, at this point, what did it matter?
She tore her gaze away from her own reflection. It was time to move on. It was time to get up and keep going. And so she did stand up and walked away from the stream back to her allies, feeling clean off all the blood.
As soon as she stepped out of the woods, all eyes were on her. And she knew why, too. She looked different. With her hair down, still dripping wet, her face lacking every sign of hatred and malice it used to constantly hold before.
She also felt no urge to snap at them for staring. That's how different she looked. That's how different she was.
"Ready?" She asked in a quiet voice, grabbing her jacket from the ground and putting it on.
"Yeah," Katniss said hesitantly, still wearing an odd and surprised expression on her face. Clove gave her a brief glance before walking away.
"Clove."
She stopped and let out a heavy breath, wondering whether maybe she should just keep going. She really did not feel like looking him in the eye again.
"What?" She asked the tree in front of her, instead.
"You should take these."
She cursed under her breath. Now she had to look back. She turned around and faced her savior reluctantly. He was looking at her and holding something in front of him. Something he must have just taken out of the backpack.
Knives. At least five of them. For a few seconds, she felt like her old self from before the Games. Vicious. Focused. Dark. Twisted.
Just for a few seconds, though. Then she came back to her senses.
Why was he giving her the knives? Did he really trust her now? Even if she deserved his trust, the new rule was not gonna last forever. Clove looked back up at Thresh. He seemed to be very confident about handing her the best weapon there was for her.
Her eyes moved from him to Katniss who didn't look all that sure whether her fellow ally had a good idea.
"Thanks" Clove said before she managed to bite her own tongue. He nodded at her, as she took the knives from him. And he continued to watch as she placed them inside her jacket. Once she was done, she stared up at him again and held his gaze long enough to make him look away first.
"We should go." Katniss suggested, pushing past them with the kid following her. But they didn't get very far.
Next thing Clove saw was a wall of fire right in front of them.
Cato was tapping his foot impatiently, as they waited for Lily to come back. He was getting more and more frustrated with everything.
"What's taking her so long?" He snapped at Peeta, who could only shrug in response. Rue was right next to him, giving him a hard to identify look with those big, brown eyes of hers. Cato was about to snap at her, as well, but then something else got his attention. He frowned.
"You smell that?" He asked, looking around. Peeta and Rue also began to search for the source of the smell until the girl pointed at something. Cato turned around and noticed smoke. A lot of smoke above the tree line, fairly close to them.
"Shit. We gotta go. Ginger!" he whisper yelled.
Nothing. Not a sound. Except for the approaching fire.
"5!" He risked a yell in the direction she'd left. Silence answered him.
And then he heard her. But it was definitely not what he wanted to hear. He heard her scream. Rue and Peeta spun around, fear in their eyes.
"Lily!?" Cato yelled one more time, knowing that he was scared. He knew he was scared, because if he wasn't, he would have never called her by her name.
A momentary silence was followed by a canon. Panic took over his mind and body and at that point, he could not be stopped.
"LILY!"
They ran. As fast as they could. They ran, followed by furious flames that the Games Makers had sent after them. Fireballs kept coming out of nowhere, cutting their way out of that hell and making them desperately look for other options. Clove still felt very weak, but she did not dar to slow down. Thresh and Katniss were in front of her, but she could barely see them through the thick smoke everywhere around. She did hear the kid trip and fall behind her, though. She looked back and sure enough he was on the ground, overcome by fear, unmoving.
For some reason, she stopped. She stopped running. Not only that. She ran back to get him. Clove, the knife girl from district 2, went back to help her fellow tribute get up.
"Come on," she choked out in a raspy voice, grabbing him by the back of his jacket and pushing him in front of her, just as she heard another hiss "go!"
He listened and within two seconds was back on his feet. They dodged another fireball and ran for their lives. Through the smoke Clove made out Thresh standing there, as if waiting for them to catch up. When the kid stormed past him, he still waited for her before he carried on running. And yet again they didn't get too far.
Clove lost the ground beneath her feet and before she realized what was happening, she was rolling down a steep hill with a surprisingly fast speed, hitting every rock and tree painfully on her way down. Finally, she found herself lying flat on the ground with her face down, gasping for air. Her entire body ached beyond belief, as she turned her scratched up face to the side to take a deeper breath.
She did not have it in herself to get up. She couldn't. She was too hurt. She was too tired. So she just lied there. For what seemed like hours.
But then somebody grabbed a hold of her shoulders and pulled her off the ground.
"You okay?"
Shaking and coughing, she glanced up at Thresh and nodded. He looked pretty beat up himself. He seemed relieved, though, but that quickly changed, when he looked over her shoulder and his face turned to stone. He let go of her shoulders. Clove frowned, not understanding why he looked so frightened all of a sudden.
But as she turned around, she didn't need another clue.
All she saw was the kid, her ally, the boy she'd just helped up a minute ago, lying on the ground, bleeding out with whimpering Katniss by his side.
Cato was running in the direction her voice had last come from. He knew there was a very slight chance that she was still alive. He knew that the canon was related to the scream they'd all heard. He knew that it belonged to her. He knew there was a fire coming closer and closer to them with every second.
But he still ran as fast as he could. If she was dead, that'd mean he'd just lost a good couple of points in the Games. That's all he cared about.
Liar. You're a liar.
"Lily!" He yelled to silence the voice in his head, using the dagger to get through the trees and bushes that were in his way. He stormed into a small clearing and stopped, dead in his tracks with Peeta and Rue right behind him.
She sure was there. Her eyes were looking into nothingness. She just lied there. Still. Lifeless.
Lily was dead.
Cato was breathing hard, staring down at her, anger filling up his body like poison. How did he let this happen? Why did he let this happen? And for fuck's sake, why did he care?
He stood there in disbelief, as if it was the first time that somebody had died in the Hunger Games. And then he heard a rustle. He looked up and made out a small figure disappearing in the woods.
It wasn't just anyone, though. He'd recognize those blonde curls anywhere. Glimmer.
Fucking Glimmer.
A/N: Thank you for your reviews! And sorry it took me longer than usual. I was a bit stuck. Hope you liked this chapter, let me know what you think. :)