Set during 6x08 "Start to Finish."
And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Great clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above
But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like you've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
"Pompeii" – Bastille
Chapter 8 – How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
"Everyone, get back! Get into your houses! Go!"
Amelia's head perked up when she heard Rick's voice. She glanced around, trying to see through the smoke that was beginning to clear. That's when her eyes landed on him. He had his back turned to her, but from what she could see, he hadn't been hurt, and for that she grateful. Mia sped up when she saw her mother join Rick. There were no visible wounds on her either.
Mia picked the gun out from her belt and ran towards Rick and her mother. She was thankful that she had remembered to get more ammunition from the armory.
"Rick!" Deanna shouted as Mia neared them.
"You need to get back!" Rick responded.
"We need to get back!" Deanna retorted.
Mia sighed when she saw her mother use three bullets on a single walker and missed the head each time. She came up behind Rick as he helped Deanna up from the ground. The older woman had tripped as she shot a walker, taking another one down with her. Amelia's concern peaked when she saw that her mother was bleeding from her leg and side.
"Rick!" Mia shouted as she joined them.
Rick looked at her while placing a hand around Deanna for support. Mia shot two nearby walkers and fell into step on her mother's other side, her head pivoting around as she searched for any walkers that were getting too close for comfort.
"Mia!" Deanna called out as she pointed to a walker. Mia took it down with one bullet and continued running.
"Rick!" Michonne yelled when she caught up with them. Carl, Father Gabriel, and Ron were also with her.
"There!" Deanna gestured to a nearby walker and Father Gabriel took it down. She repeated the same action, but this time Carl was the one to get rid of the walker.
They came to a screeching halt when a line of walkers filed in front of them. A couple seconds later three gunshots rang out, taking down a couple walkers right in front of them. Mia looked up to see Jessie with a gun in her hands. The woman fired off a few more shots, giving the group enough room to get through.
"Come on! I have Judith!" Jessie shouted and the rest of them didn't hesitate to follow her into her house.
Mia bit her lip nervously as she finished putting a tourniquet on her mother's leg.
"How is she?" Rick asked as he walked into the room.
"No offense to my daughter, but whatever she's doing hurts like a son of a bitch," Deanna told him.
"She just finished the leg," Michonne said. She was waiting by the door next to Rick. Mia lifted up her mother's shirt to get a look at the laceration on her side, wiping away the blood with a towel.
"And that seems to be the worst of—" Mia stopped short when her eyes landed on a bite mark beneath the cut. It felt as if her heart stopped at the sight of the wound and all hope drained from her body. That was it. Her mother was a dead woman walking.
"Well, shit," Deanna muttered when she caught sight of the bite.
Mia clenched her jaw with frustration as she peered up at Rick and Michonne. Michonne stepped forward and took the towel out of Mia's hand.
"I'll finish up," the older woman told her.
"Thanks," Mia sighed and rose from the bed. She walked past Rick and out of the room without a word.
"Amelia."
She sighed silently, knowing it was Rick who came to see her, but didn't bother turning around to face him. There was a part of her that knew what he was going to say, and she knew it wouldn't make a difference, his words. That wouldn't stop him from trying. She was grateful, though, for him leaving her alone for a while. It helped to be able to collect her thoughts on her own.
"Mia," Rick said as he came up beside her.
"Save it, Rick," Mia told him. "I'm not naïve. I know what's going to happen and I know there's nothing we can do to stop it."
"I know you know that," Rick said. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
Mia turned her head to look at him. She let out a deep breath as she raised a hand to his cheek. She tried to take another deep breath, but it got caught in her throat as a sob built up in it's place. Her eyes began to burn with tears, causing her to pin her lips into a thin line. She dropped her hand from Rick's face and was finally able to take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
"My mother, she's never going to see me or Spencer get married or have kids. I mean, I didn't know if I could still have that, but even if it turns out that I can, she'll never know it," Mia explained quietly. "She'll never see it."
Rick didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her close to him. She leaned against him and placed her head on his shoulder.
"How is she?" Mia asked.
"The fever's setting in," Rick said. "She doesn't have long. She knows all about how it happens, right?"
"Yeah," Mia sighed. "She knows."
"She's cracking jokes," Rick told her.
"She should have run," Amelia murmured.
"She should have, but she didn't," Rick said. "She stayed and fought. She tried to, at least."
"And it killed her," Mia added.
"We have enough food to last us a while," Rick said. "They're bound to cluster up by then, move off to one area. When they do, I'll try to get to the armory… draw then away."
"We'll get to the armory," Mia corrected him.
Rick looked down at her with a weak smile. "We'll get to the armory and get some flares. We can open the gate and fire some off… see if I can get them somewhere… somewhere that's not here."
"We could just get to the quarry and get a car to lead them away," Mia suggested.
"That's a possibility too," Rick said. "We'll have to see what it looks like in here when the time comes."
Mia's face fell as she realized something. "I need to find Spencer."
"What?" Rick asked as he looked down at her.
"Now," Mia said as she stood up straight. "I need to know that he's safe. I need to find him before it's too late. He needs to be able to say goodbye."
"You can't go out there right now," Rick said. "It's mayhem."
"I can't do this without him, Rick," Mia said, shaking her head. "He's my brother. He needs to be here."
"I know, but there is no safe way of getting him here," Rick explained. Mia dropped her head as she felt herself come close to tears again. Rick placed a hand against her cheek and leaned down slightly to kiss the top of her head. "I'm sorry, Mia."
"I know," Mia said, looking up at him. "If Spencer wasn't here, if he wasn't alive, then I don't know what I would do."
"Don't talk like that," Rick told her.
"Why not?" Mia asked. "Because chances are that he isn't going to make it?"
"That's not—" Rick started.
"But it's the truth, and we both know that it is," Mia said. "Like I said before, I'm not naïve."
"I know you're not," Rick said, smiling weakly.
They were cut off by the sound of shouting and crashing coming from downstairs. Rick and Mia shared a look before running out of the room. They almost ran into Jessie as she came down the hall.
"Did you hear that?" Jessie asked as the trio hopped down the stairs. There was another crash off in the distance.
"It sounded like—" Mia started.
"Carl," Rick finished.
"And Ron," Jessie added as they reached the door that led to the garage.
"Carl!" Rick shouted before trying to open the door.
"Ron!" Jessie yelled. Mia pursed her lips when she saw that the door wasn't opening.
"Carl!" Rick tried again. "Let me in, Carl!"
"Ron!"
"Carl, open the door!"
"Ron, open the door right now!"
"Get back!" Rick told Jessie and Mia as he retrieved his axe from his belt. He began hitting the lock and doorknob with the axe, slowly breaking them off. Mia got more concerned when she heard snarling coming from the other side of the door.
"Help!" Carl shouted from the garage. "Please, Ron! Come on!"
Mia shared a concerned look with Jessie right before Rick broke the locks.
"Come on!" Rick shouted and Carl and Ron came running out of the garage. They shut the door once Carl and Ron were safely through. Mia helped the others hold the door shut.
"Here! Move!" Rick told them as he and Father Gabriel dragged a couch towards the door.
"Watch out!" Jessie shouted as Mia and the others started to move out of the way.
"Move!" Rick told them again.
Once the couch was in place and Mia was helping hold it against the door, Rick looked to her. "We need more and we need to be quiet."
"I'll see what I can find," Michonne said.
"Me too," Father Gabriel said before going to help Michonne.
"I'll help," Mia said and disappeared into the other room, hoping to give Rick and Jessie time to talk to Carl and Ron about what happened. She had an idea about it, but she couldn't know for sure.
Amelia helped gather a few more pieces of furniture to brace the couch and went to see her mother. She went up the stairs and took a deep breath before walking into the room where her mother had been resting. Mia stopped short when she saw that the bed was empty.
She went back out into the hallway and searched for any sign of her mother. That's when she saw the open door at the end of the hall. It was Judith's room. Mia didn't hesitate to break into a jog, pulling the gun out from her belt as she reached the door. She raised the weapon and opened the door slowly, swallowing hard when she saw her mother slumped over the side of Judith's crib.
Mia cocked the gun quietly and stepped closer to her mother. "Mom."
The young woman let out a sigh of relief when Deanna turned around and looked up at her. She looked sick, but she was alive.
"I'm still me," she exclaimed when she saw the gun pointed at her. Mia apologized as she lowered the weapon and tucked it back into her belt.
"I thought… I couldn't risk it," Mia told her mother.
"I didn't mean to scare you," Deanna said. "I just wanted to see her one last time. I thought I could make it. My legs had other plans."
"Come here," Mia said as she dropped down beside her mother and put a hand under her arms. She helped act as a crutch in order to get Deanna to the bed. Once her mother was lying on the bed, she went to the door and shouted down to Rick. He joined her a minute later.
"What happened?" He asked as he entered the room.
"She wanted to see Judith," Mia told him. She continued when she saw the look on his face. "Don't worry. She's fine."
"From now on, somebody needs to be with you," Rick said to Deanna.
"Yeah," Deanna sighed.
"It can't be her," Rick added as he gestured to Judith.
"Yep," Deanna said.
"I'll find somewhere else to put her," Rick said and started towards the crib.
"Rick, Mia," Deanna said, glancing between him and her daughter. She took two folded pieces of paper out of her pocket and held them out. "I, uh—I wrote something for Spencer and Maggie."
"We'll make sure they get them," Rick said as he took the papers from her hand.
"I know Mia will look after her brother, but will you?" Deanna asked Rick.
"I will," Rick said.
"Will you look out for him like you look out for your people?" Deanna asked. Mia kept her eyes on her mother, knowing that Rick wouldn't be able to answer that question. "Guess what? They're all your people, Rick. They are."
"We haven't had a chance to make it that," Rick responded.
"But that's how it is," Deanna said. "I didn't run over to help you out there because I like you… or because I think you're a good man, a good father… or that you can grow one hell of a beard. I ran over to help because you are one of us. That's the right answer."
"Rick!" Jessie shouted from down the stairs. Mia looked at Rick and nodded softly.
"Go," Mia said. "I'll keep an eye on my mom and Judith."
"Thanks," Rick said before placing a kiss on the side of her head and running out of the room.
Amelia pinned her lips together and sat down beside her mom. "You didn't write me anything."
"That's because you're here. I can say it to you right now," Deanna explained.
"Okay," Mia said. "Say it."
"I love you, Mia. You, your brothers, and father gave me so much joy and purpose in life. Because of the four of you, I can say that I loved deeply and was loved," Deanna told her. "I love you so much and I need to know that once I'm gone, you will not stop fighting. Promise me that you will never lose hope, even if you're alone in this world and have no where else to turn. Promise me you'll fight until the end."
Mia let out a slow breath and nodded. "I promise."
"I need you to know that I'll be okay. I'll be with Reg and Aiden. We'll be together again and we'll be watching over you. We'll always be with you. In here," Deanna said as she placed a hand over Mia's heart.
"You don't get to do that," Mia responded quietly.
"What?"
"Pretend like everything will work out and that it's normal for someone to lose their mom at twenty-three," Mia explained.
"It's not normal, but that's how it is, Mia," Deanna said.
"But it didn't have to be," Mia retorted. "You could still be alive and well if you would have just done what I told you to do… run. If you would have done that then you'd be fine and I wouldn't have to talk to you on your death bed."
"Mia…"
"No," she snapped. "You don't get to pretend. You don't get to."
"Mia, I know this is hard, but there's nothing we can do to change it," Deanna said. "I'm fading fast and I just wanted our last minutes together to be happy ones."
"Well, you don't always get what you want, mom," Mia said. "And if you tell me anymore crap about heading into the light or looking down on me from heaven above, I will kill you myself, right now!"
"Mia, just—I'm going to be alright. I'm not scared anymore. I'll be alright," Deanna said. Mia laughed to herself as her mother continued. "You don't have to worry."
"What about me and Spencer?" Mia clenched her jaw and raised her gaze to the ceiling as she tried to hold back the tears in her eyes and the sob rising in her throat. She took a deep breath and let it out. The first tear broke free and ran down her cheek. Deanna's eyes narrowed with concern as Mia looked back at her. "What about me when you head into the light?"
"Mia…"
"No! I get it! You'll be with dad and Aiden so you'll be okay! You'll be fine! But what about me?! You don't get to pretend that this is how it was supposed to be! You were supposed to be my mom! You were supposed to be here when I got married or had kids! You were supposed to run!"
"Come here," Deanna said as she gestured to herself. Mia wiped her eyes before lying down next to her mom. She could feel Deanna press a kiss to the top of her head and hear her sigh. "I'm sorry, Mia. You shouldn't have to be dealing with any of this."
"It's the world we live in now," Mia said, sniffling quietly. "Parents die before their children and their children have to learn to be okay."
"Will you be okay?" Deanna asked.
"Not at first," Mia answered. "But I will be eventually."
"And Spencer?"
"I'll make sure he's okay too," Mia told her.
"Give Rick some time," Deanna said. "He'll come around to thinking of this place and these people as his. And if you two eventually do get to the point where you're thinking of getting married, be sure to wear something white. I know it doesn't matter much nowadays, but do it for me."
"Mom, what are you doing?" Mia asked.
"I won't be here to tell you any of this later on so I'm doing it now," Deanna answered. Mia inhaled and nodded softly. "Never let anyone compromise your self-worth or talk down to you. You are a strong, intelligent, kind, selfless woman. Don't let anyone tell you differently. And this next one is big, alright?"
"Alright," Mia said.
"When you finally have a child of your own, you're going to be terrified. You are going to think that every decision you make is the wrong one and you'll get tired and feel like giving up, but let me tell you something. It doesn't matter if you breastfeed or use formula or whether or not you teach your kid how to use a crossbow or how to speak French or Latin. All that matters is that your child is happy and healthy."
"And what if it's not?" Mia asked as her eyes brimmed with tears.
"You do your best. You raise it how you want it to be raised, and with time, things will get easier," Deanna answered.
"Mia."
She looked over her shoulder and saw Rick standing in the doorway with Michonne. She could tell by the look on their faces that something was wrong.
"What is it?" Mia asked. "What's wrong?"
Rick sighed as he shared a look with Michonne. Mia held her breath while Michonne went to the crib and picked Judith out. Rick stepped closer to the bed and pushed some hair out of Mia's face. "The walkers got into the house. We have to go."
"No," Mia whimpered as she turned back to her mom and buried her head in the crook of her neck. "No. I need more time."
"We don't have any," Rick said. "If we don't go, we'll die."
"I can't leave her," Mia cried and looked up at her mother. "I can't leave you."
"You can," Deanna said. "You have to."
"A couple hours ago you were making jokes and you were smiling. Now, you're—you're practically dead. How ridiculous is that? Isn't that the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever heard?" Mia asked as a sob escaped her throat. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. The realization of her mother's impending death hit her hard. Mia leaned into her mom's shoulder as she cried out.
"Take her, Rick," Deanna said.
"No," Mia cried. "No. I can't. I can't."
"You can," Deanna said. "And you have to. I love you, Mia. Never let that go."
Mia let out another sob as Rick leaned down and took her arm from around her mom's waist. He wrapped it around the back of his neck and hooked one arm under her legs and the other around her back. He lifted her from the bed with ease and carried her out of the room. Mia clung to him as she cried into his chest, sobbing endlessly.
"She's gone," Mia cried. "My mom's dead, Rick."
Rick hugged her closer. "I'm so, so sorry."
"My dad is dead. My brother is dead. My mom is dead," Mia whimpered.
"Spencer is still alive," Rick told her, hoping that would bring her some comfort.
"We don't know that for sure," Mia whispered.
"He was at home when they got in," Rick reminded her. "He's okay."
"I need to make sure," Mia said.
"We need to make sure," Rick corrected. When Mia looked up at him, he continued. "Your mom was right. I need to look after these people like they're my own, starting with your brother."
"Spencer has to be alive," Mia sighed.
"He will be," Rick assured her.
"He has to be," Mia repeated.
"He will be," Rick said before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "He will be."
"Dolor hic tibi proderit olim," Mia murmured.
"What does that mean?" Rick asked.
"Someday this pain will be useful to you," Mia told him. "My dad used to say it."
"He was a smart man," Rick said.
"He was," Mia said. "And Aiden was thoughtful, and my mother was charismatic. Now, they're just gone."
"Yeah," Rick sighed. "But you're still here."
"I'm always here," Mia said.
Rick watched Mia as he spread the insides of the walker over the curtains she was wearing. Her expression was distant and unattached, but he knew she was just in mourning. He just wanted to make her feel better. It just wouldn't be possible at the moment, and he knew that.
"I'm going to need you to be right behind me, okay?" Rick asked quietly. "All you need to do is take my hand and keep walking, okay?"
"Okay," Mia murmured.
"We have to go," Michonne whispered from the top of the staircase. Rick stood and took Mia's hand, leading her over to Michonne.
"We're ready," Jessie said as she held onto Sam's shoulders. "Ron?"
"Yeah," Ron answered.
"We'll get Judith," Rick said.
"Rick," Father Gabriel said, catching his attention. "I'm not going to give up out there. I will not turn back, no matter what happens."
"Yeah, I know," Rick responded. He led Mia to one of the bedrooms and opened the door. He let go of her hand for a minute in order to pick up Judith, but grabbed on again once she was in his arms. "You ready?"
"No, but I have to be," Mia said.
"We'll be okay," Rick told her as he kissed her forehead. They went back out into the hallway and Jessie helped put Judith into a carrier under Carl's blanket.
Rick held onto Mia's hand as they walked down the stairs. Michonne moved the couch out of the way and they filed past the walkers out of the house and onto the porch. Rick scanned the surrounding area before looking back at Mia. She wasn't watching the walkers walking past them or checking on the rest of their group. Instead, her gaze was fixed on the ground, her eyes still puffy from crying. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her close, but he knew it wasn't the right time. He had seen her strength and courage before so he had no doubt about her ability to carry on despite her grief. And because of that, she never looked more beautiful.