Billie let out a slow whistle and leaned out of the window on her side of the car and looked at the house they had just pulled up to, "Not bad, where's Vincent Price?"
The house Kronos and Roberta were currently residing in was a two story house that was large enough it looked like it had been a duplex in a former life when it was first built, Methos guessed, back at the turn of the century, and looked like it could easily house 20 people, and right now it also looked like the kind of place housing a few dead or undead spirits as well.
"Guess they don't believe in a housekeeper," Billie murmured to Methos as they, along with the six other Immortals, made their way through the rain and up to the front porch.
"If there was one, I'm sure she was excellent with the right wine," Methos replied.
"I think I saw this house in a movie once," Torchy remarked to Caspian, "Only then it was a funeral parlor."
The skies were increasingly darker now than they had been when the rain first started, and now, even though it was only the middle of the day, a distant thunder could be heard rumbling overhead.
"I'm sure you'll excuse the mess," Roberta commented as Kronos unlocked the door and threw it open, "But we live here."
Everybody entered the house single file, Kronos and Roberta first, then Methos and Billie, Caspian and Torchy, and finally Silas and Maude brought up the rear.
"I'm surprised it's wired for electricity," Billie murmured to her husband.
"I like it," Maude commented as she looked around at the dim, macabre, sparsely decorated home, "Very nice…reminds me of the reformatory."
Methos turned his head and glanced back at her when he heard that.
Everybody stepped into the dining room and came to a sudden halt. Kronos turned to his wife and asked her, "Well?"
"Well what?" she replied.
He shot her a warning look and said to her, "How about being hospitable towards our guests and offering them a drink?"
"When was I ever hospitable?" Roberta replied, "And if I was, where did it ever get me?"
"I'll go with you," Billie offered, and looked around, "Where's your liquor cabinet?"
"What liquor cabinet?" Roberta asked, "We keep everything in the kitchen."
"Oho, fancy," Billie said as she followed the older woman out of the dining room and into the kitchen.
"Well this has certainly been an interesting experience," Billie told Roberta as they entered the kitchen and got away from the incessant reminiscing taking place out in the dining room, "For 15 years I keep hearing about Methos' infamous three brothers…then I wake up this morning and find out I have 3 sisters-in-law to boot."
Roberta looked at the taller woman and asked her, "Methos told you about them?"
"Well, not really," Billie replied, "He just mentioned he had three brothers and that they were…what's the word I'm looking for…psychotic."
"You got lucky," Roberta told her as she went over to a cupboard and took out a large bottle of whiskey and a large bottle of vodka, "I got the broken record who hasn't been able to shut up about his brothers for the last 30 years."
"Yeah, so I noticed," Billie said as she turned to catch an earful of the endless chattering and chuckling going on in the next room, "This must be what it's like for every woman who had to endure her husband's frat boy reunions."
"I wouldn't know," Roberta told her, "I never went to college."
Billie scratched behind one ear and responded, "I went for a while back in the 70s, never finished, my higher education was rudely interrupted by my sudden and unforeseen death."
Roberta looked at her, "Tell me about it. Seems all of us got killed and became Immortal in our primes, didn't exactly cut us off but it made things a hell of a lot more difficult."
"So I noticed," Billie remarked, "I suppose it's just as well though, if we hadn't become Immortal until later on down the road…" she shrugged, "Things are harder enough to pick up on when you're 40, 50, but I think being Immortal would be one of the hardest things to adapt to at a later age."
"Guess I never thought about it like that," Roberta said, "The life I lead, I was bound to die young either way." She pointed to the fridge and told her, "There's some beer in the icebox."
Billie went over to it, opened the door and pulled out a new six-pack, "Just as well, you know in all the years we've been married that's about the only thing I've seen Methos drink."
Roberta laughed and told Billie, "Your husband certainly knows how to make a name for himself, we weren't all together 2 minutes and already he had someone trying to choke him to death. Is that a common recurrence with him?"
Billie laughed and answered, "No, most generally he likes keeping to himself, he's a rather private person, at least he has been ever since I knew him."
"And yet he's the one Kronos has spoken the most highly about," Roberta noted.
Billie turned towards her, "He is?"
"Oh yeah," Roberta answered, "Apparently some 3000 years ago those four knuckleheads out there were supposed to have been some big deal, rode across two continents, slaughtered 10,000 people."
"Really?" Billie asked.
"Yeah, you didn't know?" Roberta asked.
"No," the blonde woman answered, "I mean he told me a little about his past, he told me he's done a lot of things he's not proud of now, but he never went into too much detail."
Roberta snorted and replied, "He probably figured if you knew the full extent of his sordid past, that you'd leave him. Apparently some women have a problem with pesky little truths like that."
"That's ridiculous," Billie said, "As long as we've been married he ought to know he could trust me." She thought of something else and looked at her new sister-in-law and asked her, "How much do you know?"
"More than I need," Roberta answered as she haphazardly poured some alcohol into several glasses.
"I mean," Billie told her, "Methos mentioned something about Kronos never forgetting, he seemed a bit…apprehensive about this meeting today, do you have any idea what that could mean? Never forgetting what?"
"Could be anything," Roberta mentioned, "Apparently these guys had a rocky relationship and were always pulling something over on one another…" then another thought occurred to her and she added, "Of course it could be the fact that Methos was the one that broke them up by leaving, Kronos was dead set against it but Methos outsmarted him. And one thing I have found out is that my husband has a notable problem with rejection, he's oblivious to it, he's very..."
Billie decided to volunteer the word she thought Roberta was looking for, "You mean he's possessive?"
"I mean he's a narcissist," Roberta told her, "That's what I mean. I don't know if it's something he actually had to work at, but he somehow seems to be convinced that the entire universe revolves around him."
Billie rolled her eyes and snorted and commented, "I'd imagine that'd get old real quick."
"You have no idea," Roberta said.
"What's keeping the drinks?" Torchy asked as she entered the kitchen, looking around at everything and nothing in particular she thought to add, "Got any whiskey?"
Roberta held up the half full bottle and told her, "Knock yourself out."
Billie scratched through her hair and said to the former attorney, "Torchy, do you mind if I ask why you were trying to kill my husband earlier?"
"Because that son of a bitch got me and that thing out there married one night and we didn't know anything about it, that's why," Torchy answered.
"How'd he do that?" Roberta asked.
"Hell if I know," Torchy looked at her and took the bottle from her, "Caspian tried explaining it, something about some ancient drug they used to get stoned out of their minds on about 4000 years ago or something. All I know is one night I'm going out for a round of drinks, next morning I'm in the bathroom of some cheap no-tell hotel coughing up the ugliest ring I ever saw," and lo and hold she produced the ring for them to see.
Billie squinted her eyes to get a good look at the red stone in the middle, "What's that, a ruby?"
"Bloodstone would be more appropriate," Torchy said as she made the ring disappear again, "I told that psychopath if we ever found his brother I was going to kill him for pulling that stunt, I told him he was going to have to get in line behind me."
"Well if you don't like him, why are you still married to him?" Roberta asked.
"Murder's messy, divorce is messier," Torchy answered, "For all that trouble you might as well stay married, besides, after we had a while to think about it we realized it was a convenient cover, it would explain why we're always together without raising too many questions."
"But you still wanted to kill Methos for it," Billie reminded her.
"A promise is a promise," Torchy replied as she took a large swig of the whiskey.
The kitchen door swung open again and this time Maude entered, "What's the holdup in here?"
"Why?" Roberta turned towards her, "Are the guys complaining?"
Maude made a gesture with her hand, "Who cares about them? If I'm going to continue listening to those four morons yak-yak-yak all afternoon, I'm going to have to be plenty loaded myself."
Roberta grinned and told her, "Amen, sister, I get the feeling we're going to get along just fine."
"Sister?" the large woman repeated as she took the vodka bottle from her hostess and did a bit of a double take, "This is going to take some getting used to, I was an only child my whole life."
"Me too," Billie said.
"So was I," Roberta and Torchy started to say and looked at each other.
"I guess that shouldn't be surprising," Billie told them, "According to my husband, we never even had parents."
"I'll believe that," Torchy said, "I was raised by my great aunt."
Billie had just started to take a swig of a beer and she started choking on a laugh when she heard that.
"Okay," Roberta said, "So if we don't have any parents…where the hell did we come from?"
"Apparently," Billie shrugged her shoulders, "Nobody's been able to figure that out in five thousand years."
Torchy rolled her eyes, "Oh great, more mysteries, as if I didn't have enough of those to contend with already."
"What do you mean?" Billie asked.
Torchy looked at them and asked, "Which one of you is the oldest around here?"
Roberta raised her hand, "Present."
"You ever hear of something called a lingerer?" Torchy asked.
Roberta shook her head, "No, why?"
"What is it?" Maude asked.
"It's me, apparently," Torchy said, "And knowing what I know now that nobody here knows anything about it, I just feel a whole lot worse about it."
"But what is one?" Billie asked.
"If we stick together long enough you'll all likely find out," Torchy told them, "I'm depressed, I need another drink."
"I hear that," Roberta said as she grabbed another bottle.
"And I hear that," Maude gestured towards the kitchen door, "Give me another bottle and don't stop until I'm deaf and blind."
The storm continued well into the afternoon and the evening, as the hours passed the weather just seemed to get more violent. Looking out at the rain gushing down through the trees and pooling down the sidewalk, Roberta was glad they lived up on a hill otherwise they would already be flooded by now. As it was she watched the rain run a river along the sidewalk and the street, all heading downhill, the poor sons of bitches who lived down that way would be the first casualties of the storm.
Even so.
"Doesn't look like anyone's going to be going anywhere," she said as she stepped back inside.
"So what's the problem?" Kronos wanted to know.
She shot him a knowing look and then turned her attention to the other three couples and explained, "In spite of your brother's optimism about this, I'm afraid you'll find the stay here rather unpleasant." Her eyes moved up and looked towards the ceiling and added, "Despite the house's size, we only have one other room actually made up for company right now, that's the one where we usually put my mother when she comes for a visit, the rest of the rooms are vacant currently."
Methos wasn't fazed by this revelation, he gestured to the living room and told her, "That's fine, two of us can pull out the couch and sleep on it."
"That's fine for two people," Roberta said, "What about the others?"
"And who sleeps where?" Billie asked.
Methos thought about it for a minute and told them, "Silas and Maude can take the second bedroom, we'll take the couch."
"And where're we going to sleep?" Torchy wanted to know, "On the floor like a couple of dogs?"
"Arf arf," Caspian dryly commented to her.
Torchy rolled her eyes at him and said to nobody in particular, "And for this I gave up a perfectly good weekend at home bitching about not having anywhere to go?"
Methos smirked at her, "Not exactly what you had in mind, is it?"
"Not like I had much to go on for the last year as a shining example," Torchy pointed to Caspian, "But I was expecting something a bit more stimulating."
Roberta threw her head back in a guffaw and told her new in-law, "If it's stimulation you want I'm afraid you came to the wrong place, sister." She pointed towards her husband and added, "I ought to know."
"You don't know anything," Torchy jerked a thumb towards her own husband, "Did I tell you where I first met this loser?"
"At your work, wasn't it?" Billie asked.
"Well that's where we first officially met," Torchy said as she put her drink down and started to get up, "But did I tell you where I first saw him?"
Caspian rolled his eyes in anticipation of what was about to come next.
"You should've seen this guy," she said as she moved to the center of the room and did some visual grandstanding, "A semi-professional wrestler back in the day he was, Mark Von Croy, the Rabid Austrian! You should've seen him in the tall black boots, and the little skimpy black…" Torchy gestured with her hands and then decided, "Nope, nope, on second thought, you would not have wanted to see that."
"I don't think I want to hear it," Methos murmured to Kronos.
"So why'd you quit?" Billie asked Caspian.
"He didn't quit," Torchy answered for him, "He was thrown out."
"For what?" Maude asked.
"You might say he took a bite out of the competition," she answered.
"That's nothing," Roberta said, "You should've seen this one ice hockey game we went to a few years back, got one Immortal on each team, and both of them so stupid, they can't wait until the game's over to fight, noooooooo, instead they decide in the middle of the game to start swinging for each other's heads."
"Are you serious?" Maude asked.
"You can't make this crap up," Roberta shook her head.
"Apparently Immortality can fix a lot of things but not stupidity," Torchy remarked.
"If it did, I wouldn't be here," Methos commented.
That earned him a couple of painful responses from two of his brothers.
"Come on, you guys," Billie said, "Where is everybody going to stay for the night?'
"Oh I'm sure we'll figure something out," Methos responded less than enthusiastically.