Author Note: Thank you for the great response to this story so far! We should finish up during the month of January, assuming I get off my butt and write the Epilogue.

Happy New Year!

Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Chapter 33 – Want You More

"Stay the night… in your bed?" I stare at Edward in shock.

He nods. "If you don't want to, I—"

"No, I… I want to," I quickly interrupt. "I just want you to be sure."

"I am," he assures me, taking a deep breath. "When you're with me, I'm reminded of how… lucky I am that I moved in next door to you. I don't know if I would've been able to handle today at all if not for the fact that you're a part of my life."

He sits up, sighing. "My therapist wasn't thrilled with the way I handled things with you last weekend."

"Why?" I ask in confusion.

"He doesn't think we did anything wrong, but… he pointed out that I'm so wrapped up in myself that I'm not very good at considering your feelings. You're so patient and understanding with me; sometimes I'm not sure I really deserve that. I know I'm a mess and—"

"You're not a mess, Edward."

He shakes his head. "I can't sort out what's in my own head."

"Did you and your therapist talk about…why you can't keep your hands off me?" I ask cautiously.

He nods, but doesn't reply.

"And?" I prompt.

"He thinks I'm in denial. Our dating relationship is less than a month old, but I had… feelings for you before we even started dating. He feels that I'm more ready to move forward than I'll admit to myself. It's not just physical, and that's why my desire is so strong."

My heartrate quickens as Edward speaks. I want so much more with him than just sex, but we really need to be on the same page. "Do you agree with him?"

"I'm coming to accept that my head is ready, as well as my body. I mean, I understand now that it's not a figurative slap in the face to my marriage if I find happiness with another woman. I know it's not wrong to want you… especially now that a year has passed. I know that my impression that it was too soon came about partially because of society's expectations. If nearly everyone else thinks it's too soon for me to be dating, then it must be. Today means crossing some… invisible line in the sand," he shrugs.

"And your heart?" I ask quietly.

"It's getting there," he replies, taking my hand in his. "I'm scared," he whispers.

"Of what, sweetheart?" I squeeze his hand.

"If I let myself love again, I could get hurt again."

I frown. "Would you say that you wish you'd never fallen in love with Bree?"

"No, of course not!" he exclaims. "We had several happy years together, and she gave me Masen. I'll never regret that."

"So… it was worth the pain."

"I see where you're going," he says, tapping me on the nose. "What's the old saying? It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"

"Exactly," I grin.

"I'm just a little gun shy right now, but I'm working on it, I promise." Leaning over, he kisses my lips softly. "I probably need to go pick up Masen now."

"I can do it if you want?"

"No," he shakes his head. "I'll get him. You… go home and do whatever you have to do to come back and spend the night."

"I never quite agreed to that, you know," I tease him. "But I would love to."

Edward stands, pulling me to my feet. We step outside together and I head back over to my house. I throw together a quick overnight bag with pajamas and some toiletries, then head back downstairs.

Sandy is sleeping in her condo, so I reach in to give her a few pets. "You be good, all right? Don't make me regret not locking you up."

When I hear Edward's SUV pull into his driveway, I step outside and lock up. He lifts Masen out of his car seat, then carries him onto the porch.

"Is he asleep?" I ask, walking across the two driveways.

"Yeah," he nods.

I follow Edward into the house, then set down my bag and retake my seat in the living room while he puts Masen to bed. When he comes back, he stands nervously in the doorway. "Um, do you want to watch a movie?" he asks hesitantly.

"Sure," I shrug, confused by his nervousness.

"Is it OK if we watch Bree's favorite movie? We saw it on our first date," he says with a sad smile. "She bought the DVD later and watched it all the time. I haven't… seen it in the last year. It's silly, but…"

"It's fine, Edward."

At my agreement, he looks through his DVD cabinet, then places the DVD in the player before coming to sit beside me. "27 Dresses," he says. "I let her pick the movie we saw."

"Smart man," I grin.

We watch the rom-com cuddled together on Edward's couch. I'm really glad it's not a tear-jerker. I've never seen the movie before, but it's cute and the leading man is a doll.

After the movie, I can tell that Edward has had enough of this day, so we head upstairs to bed. While he checks on Masen, I change in the bathroom and go through my nightly routine. I find Edward sitting on his bed wearing the same Bears lounge pants that he wore on the book signing tour — and still no shirt.

I can see him looking me up and down, but I was just checking him out, too, so I really can't complain. "I'll be right back," he says, standing.

I wonder if it's presumptuous of me to get into his bed first, but decide to go ahead and do it, so my legs are covered if nothing else. When he comes back, Edward turns out the light, then gets into the bed on the other side.

"Come here," he whispers, tugging on my arm until my back is resting against his chest. I reach up and rub his hand that lying against my stomach.

"I thought I was supposed to be holding you?" I joke.

"We fit better like this," he replies, kissing my shoulder. "Good night, Bella."

"Good night," I yawn.

I sleep unbelievably well in Edward's arms, until Masen's cries wake us shortly before 8am. While Edward checks on his son, I use the bathroom and brush my teeth, then dress in yesterday's clothes.

"Good morning, Masen!" I greet him when I step out of the bathroom. He holds his hands out toward me, and I take him from his father's arms.

"Can you watch him for a minute?

I nod, giving Edward a chance to use the bathroom.

"Ma?" Masen asks, looking up at me with big innocent eyes. I tickle his stomach.

"I'm not your mom, kiddo." Not yet, but if everything goes as I hope…

"Do you want me to make breakfast?" I ask Edward once he's emerged from the bathroom.

"Sure," he smiles.

I set Masen down then head downstairs to check out the contents of Edward's pantry and fridge. I'd like to make pancakes, but without Bisquick, I don't know any recipes off the top of my head. Instead, I settle on French toast.

"Mmmm… this is really good, Bella," Edward says, making me smile. "You can come make me breakfast every day."

I laugh. "Haven't I been teaching you to cook for months now?"

"You're still better than me. Isn't that right, Masen? You prefer Bella's meals to Daddy's." Masen just grins in response, maple syrup dripping off of his chin.

Once we've finished eating, I give Edward a quick goodbye kiss, then head home to shower and change before going to work. He promises to stop by the bakery with Masen sometime this afternoon since the weather looks good. It'll be the highlight of my day.

Over the next several days, Edward and I continue to see a lot of each other, whenever I'm not working. We share good conversation and a few kisses, but touching is kept to a minimum. Despite his claims that he now feels it's not wrong to move forward physically, he seems to err on the side of caution. I'm really hoping that our upcoming week of togetherness will be exactly what he needs to lighten up and just let things happen.

I consider it a good sign when Edward nervously asks about getting rooms with just one king bed in the various hotels next week. Of course, I agree without hesitation. I mean, I don't know what the chances are that we'll actually get naked, considering Masen will be sleeping mere feet away. I'm probably not capable of being that quiet.

On Thursday, I meet the girls at the diner for our first real girls' night in four weeks! For the last two weeks, Alice and I have gone to see Angela, Ben and Chloe at their house, since Angela needed time to adjust to being a new mom. With Ben right there, there was no real opportunity for our usual gossip. Now that Chloe is three weeks old, Angela is starting to venture out more. She's breastfeeding, so the baby pretty much goes wherever Angela goes.

I arrive at the diner to find Angela seated in our usual booth once again, with Chloe beside her on the seat in her carrier. Angela stands up to greet me and I hug her tightly.

"You look great!" I exclaim. "Back to your normal size already!"

"Oh no, not at all," she chuckles. "I still can't button any of my jeans." She's wearing leggings under a long shirt.

I've just sat down when Alice shows up. She and Angela hug before she slides into the booth beside me. Our waitress drops off the drinks that Angela ordered for us, and we quickly place our dinner orders.

"So how has motherhood been this past week?" Alice asks with a smile.

"I think I'm finally feeling like myself again! Giving birth to a nine-pound human takes a lot out of you. I would almost say that I wish we'd induced labor two weeks earlier, when she was smaller, except that I'm glad I was able to finish out the school year."

"Were either you or Ben a large baby?" I ask curiously. I've heard that it tends to run in families.

"I wasn't," she shakes her head. "Strangely enough for a girl who's five-ten, I was just a bit over seven pounds. Apparently Ben and his brother and sisters were all pretty large though — over 10 pounds. I wish he'd told me that earlier!" she gripes, making us laugh.

"Anyway," she continues, "Chloe is a really good baby. She only cries when she's hungry or needs to be changed. I'm just not getting much sleep with waking up to feed her every few hours. I hope by the time we go back to school in seven weeks that she's sleeping longer.

"And of course, I'll be transitioning her to formula; it's not like I'll have the opportunity to take breaks and pump milk throughout the school day. I can just imagine if I start leaking and one of my kindergarteners asks what that wet spot is on my chest," she laughs.

We're still cracking up as our waitress sets our plates down. I look across the table to see that Chloe is sound asleep. If she can sleep through our laughter, she must really be out.

"Oh my gosh, I nearly forgot!" I exclaim. "Rosalie had her baby on Tuesday this week." I hurriedly pull out my phone to show them the photo that Emmett sent to Edward, who forwarded it to me.

"So cute!" Angela says. "What's her name?"

"Lily Rose."

"She's already got her daddy's dimples," Alice smiles.

"I know," I laugh. "I can't wait for them to visit Edward again so that I can see her."

"So how are things with Edward?" Alice asks. "I've been dying to get the scoop for weeks!"

"They're good," I smile. "He actually just casually referred to me as his girlfriend when we were at the fair last week."

"Oh my God!" she squeals, making me laugh.

"We see each other all the time, though usually Masen is with us. I know Edward tries not to hit up your mom for babysitting too much."

"Any more progress beyond kissing with tongues?" she asks, waggling her eyebrows.

"A bit," I reply, not really willing to go into details. "We'd been moving forward slowly, but he's kind of backed off in the last week or so. I mean, I'm sure the anniversary of Bree's death has had something to do with that."

"Oh! How did that go?" Angela asks, sounding concerned.

"As well as could be expected. Edward went through some of Bree's things with me, like their wedding photo album and a book chronicling her pregnancy. He wouldn't have been able to do that six months ago. Then I got him out of the house for the afternoon to go to Rialto Beach and make the trek to Hole-in-the-Wall."

"Oh fun!" Alice smiles. "I haven't done that in ages."

"I feel like he's almost there, you know? He's been physically attracted to me for a while, and now he's come to the conclusion that it's not wrong for him to move on with another woman. Like he said, sometimes our own feelings are affected by society's expectations. People talk if they feel a widow or widower has moved on too quickly, but now that it's been a year…" I trail off, shrugging.

"That is so true," Angela nods. "I don't personally know anyone who's lost a spouse besides Edward, but I've certainly heard plenty of talk among my dad's parishioners when they've felt an elderly widow was stepping out too quickly with a new man."

"Exactly," I agree. "Unfortunately, I think it may take a little longer for his heart to move on. He has feelings for me, but it's a big step to realize that he can love two women at once. I'm not sure that he'll ever not love Bree."

Angela wrinkles her nose. "It feels like you're getting ahead of yourself. I mean, you've only been dating for a month. I don't think Ben and I said the L-word until we'd been together for three or four months. Yeah, yeah, I know you've known each other for much longer," she adds, waving her hand before I can argue.

"I know it's tough when you're in love with him," Alice says, patting my hand. "You've never said it in so many words, but it's so obvious, Bella. You love Edward, and you just need to have faith that he'll get there too, one day."

"I do," I admit, tears pricking at my eyes. "I love both of them, and I want so much to be a permanent part of their lives."

"Then be patient," Angela says, "because I think they're worth it."

A/N: A big revelation from Bella, that she's in love with Edward! Duran Duran have a distinct lack of songs with "love" in the title. One of them was totally inappropriate, and I'd already used it anyway.

Bella and Edward survived their night of just holding with no problem, though Masen did call her Ma again in the morning. And we learned that Edward got a bit of hell from his therapist over the way he's treated Bella.

Congrats to Rose and Emmett on the birth of their daughter! And not on the date of Bree's death, as Rosalie had feared.

Next update on Thursday! It's the start of the book signing tour!