A/N: Wild plot bunny appeared! HalfASlug used will power! It failed! Wild plot bunny used adorable! It's super-effective! HalfASlug fainted!
Yes, that is how I see my life. I like to think I'm currently too scared to go into the Rock Tunnel.
Anyway, quick note about the last chapter (sorry if you have read this already - continue onto main story) - Some people thought it was very cruel of Hermione to leave Ron there while she went to Fiji and, yes, that would have been very cruel of her which is why she didn't. She went and had breakfast/shower/whatever and then came back to release him, only to find he was already asleep. I thought it was funnier to leave it where it was though - sorry. But yeah, brightest witch of her age, not biggest bitch.
And onto the next chapter that I have a feeling some people will have an issue with as well but hey I live dangerously now.
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns Harry Potter but one day dreams of writing for Flaps, the woman's magazine.
With a loud sigh, Ron kicked his shoes off, sending them in the vague direction of the little shelf thing Hermione had bought to store their shoes. As he removed his cloak, Ron looked at his shoes and came to the difficult conclusion that he should probably pick them up and put them neatly onto the thing. It would only take two seconds of his time, really. No need to get Hermione all worked up for no reason. Eventually he gave into the guilt and nudged his shoes with his foot until they were touching the dark wood. At least this way it looked like he had tried to be tidy.
Ron made his way into the living room and was surprised to find it empty. There were a few toys scattered across the floor and a picture book on the coffee table, but other than that the room looked how it did when he left for work a couple of hours ago. He popped his head into the kitchen and saw that it was just as empty in there. While it had only been three hours since he had seen Hermione and Rose, Ron couldn't help but feel a little upset that his return home had been met with nothing. A glance at the clock on the mantel piece told him that it was an hour after Rosie's bedtime, but Hermione normally had dinner ready for him after his Sunday shift.
Since Rose had been born nearly eighteen months ago, Ron had needed a job that offered more regular hours than being an auror did. What had started out as a joke one night from George, somehow turned into Ron co-owning Wheezes. Hermione had hated the idea of him 'sacrificing his career' at first but it had been for the best. He could do most of his work from home during the week so he could stay home with Rosie while Hermione went to work. Plus this way Hermione could go straight back to work. Rose was only a couple of days old when Ron had caught her flicking through a report she had asked to be sent to her because the baby was asleep, the house was clean and she was bored.
In fact the person most upset with Ron leaving his job as an auror had been Harry. If Ron was honest with himself Harry had probably been the hardest person to tell. They had been working together since they were teenagers and they were always together at school before that. Ron leaving would have been the end of all that.
Well, it would have been if a month after handing in his notice Ron hadn't moaned to Harry about missing his old job. He loved all the time with Rose and wasn't going to give it up for anything, but he felt restless all the time. While looking after a small child was tiring, Ron still longed for time spent running around with adults and not having to tidy up afterwards. It was suspiciously soon after that that Harry had rescheduled the auror training schedules around so that there was a few extra evening lessons on Sundays. Apparently Harry's superiors and the trainees loved the idea of them being taught by a former auror, someone with real experience in the field. Ron loved the idea of shooting a few curses and strategizing pretend raids for a couple of hours a week. Hermione loved the idea of none of it being dangerous and getting Ron out of the house before he went mad. It worked out perfectly for everyone, really.
Turning the lights on as he went, Ron started making his way upstairs in search of his family. Rose had been having trouble getting to sleep recently and Hermione sometimes went for a quick walk with her in the pushchair to settle her so Ron wasn't too worried. As he reached the upstairs landing he felt a slight disturbance in the air and knew that they were both in. Hermione would have only put up the magical barrier to stop Rose getting downstairs if they were.
Sure enough, when Ron opened the door to his daughter's room he saw her tiny body sprawled out under the covers. It felt like a great weight was lifted from him, one that he didn't realise was even there, as he silently crossed the room and brushed her thick red hair out of her eyes. There was nothing like her in the world. When Hermione was pregnant everyone had told him how precious his own child would feel, but no words could describe how he felt about her. It really was as if she was the centre of his entire universe and he lived to keep her smiling. He'd laughed at Harry when he had told him about how excited he was when James had taken his first step, but he had welled up a little when Rose had taken hers.
Not really wanting to leave her but still needing to find Hermione, Ron kissed Rose softly on the cheek and left the room quietly as to not wake her. Once he had gently closed the door, Ron went to his bedroom and found the other female that made his life perfect, also asleep. Chuckling to himself, Ron climbed onto the bed and lay down behind her. She shifted slightly so he kissed her temple and wrapped an arm around her middle.
"'Lo," she croaked sleepily, lacing her fingers through his. The moment their hands were joined, a slight crease appeared between Hermione's eyebrows. Slowly, her eyes flickered open and look down at their hands. Hermione's breath hitched and she quickly turned to look at Ron in alarm.
The moment their eyes met, Ron smiled.
Hermione, however, screamed, threw herself away from him and fell off the bed.
Straight away, Ron clambered to the edge of the bed in concern. "Hermione, what-?"
"Harry, what are you doing?" she screamed at him, getting to her feet.
"Nothing, I was just-" Ron started in confusion when one word she had said hit him – Harry. "Shit."
Instead of chastising him for his language, Hermione snatched her wand from the bedside table and pointed it directly at Ron's heart. Her expression was somewhere between anger and fear and Ron knew that he was in trouble.
"Hey, hey, hey, no wands," he pleaded, holding his hands up in surrender. "It's me! It's Ron!"
"Prove it," she growled menacingly.
Ron cast his eyes around the small room, looking for something to prove he was himself. His eyes fell on the full length mirror by the wardrobe, but turned away from it quickly. Seeing Harry Potter kneeling on his bed in front of Hermione wasn't exactly a pleasant sight.
"Erm… You kept Rita Skeeter in a jar for a while once," he said, hoping the memory of her triumph over the reporter would make her more sympathetic.
"Harry could know that," she dismissed. Apparently his plan hadn't worked. If anything she looked more suspicious. Despite being more scared than he would ever admit to being, Ron had to admire his wife's commitment to security. If someone had broken into their house, disguised as Harry, they probably would have researched him. Although getting into bed with Hermione would have been a massive mistake. Still, that was the hypothetical intruder's problem.
Ron had a similar problem but he was also innocent; it was just a case of proving it. He just had to think of something only he and Hermione knew. Of course, as soon as he had thought this, his thoughts had turned a little dirty and he smirked.
"On our honeymoon," he said slowly and deliberately, "you asked me dress up like-"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Hermione interrupted harshly.
"Why?" asked Ron, baffled. Surely the end of that sentence would prove it was really him? No one else knew how it ended. Hermione had made sure of that.
"I can't have our honeymoon talked about in Harry's voice," she answered with a slight blush.
"So you're accepting that it's me?"
Hermione appeared to ponder this for a bit before sighing. "Yes." Thankfully she lowered her wand, although she still looked annoyed. "But why on Earth do you look like that?"
"Part of the training." Ron shrugged as he moved off the bed and towards her. "Disguises. Security questions. They had to work out which one was the real Harry," he explained. It had been fun really. They'd only caught him out by asking what the latest Chudley Cannons score was. He had apparently flinched while Harry replied "300-0" without so much as batting an eyelid.
"So why are you still Polyjuiced?" Hermione asked dropping her wand back onto the bedside table.
"I thought it would have worn off by now," Ron replied sheepishly.
"You could have checked."
"Sorry." Ron gave her his best apologetic smile and watched as she exhaled in a way that he always took to mean he was forgiven – well, for now at least. "How's Rosie been?" he asked, hoping to detract from his appearance.
"Energetic," she answered ruefully. "She took forever to get to sleep. I was going to start dinner but I was exhausted, sorry."
"Hey, it's no problem," said Ron softly. "You are allowed to stop occasionally."
This earned Ron a small smile. He was still kind of disappointed about having to wait for dinner, but she really did look drained. There was no way he was stupid or selfish enough to complain. However, he could still see in Hermione's eyes that she felt like she had somehow let him down so Ron pulled her gently into a hug. As her arms wrapped around his middle, Ron went to rest his head on top of Hermione's like he always did, but found he was much too short. Instead he settled for kissing her on the cheek.
As soon as he moved though, Hermione backed away. "What are you doing?"
"Kissing my wife?" Ron replied slowly.
Hermione laughed and fully extracted herself out of his arms. "Not while you're still Harry, you're not."
"Not even a little one?" complained Ron.
"Don't be disgusting."
Hermione went to walk away but Ron held her back. "It's still me," he pointed out.
"No," she refused, "it's too weird."
"But it is still me!" he repeated. This wasn't funny anymore. He'd been home nearly ten minutes, both of them were in and neither of them had given him a kiss. It wasn't fair. Rose was asleep so it was up to Hermione.
"I couldn't care less!" laughed Hermione, folding her arms. "How would you feel if I looked like Ginny?"
"That's different," Ron said, watching as Hermione straightened out the duvet. "She's my sister."
Hermione turned around with her hands on her hips and a no nonsense expression on her face. "And Harry might as well be my brother, so no." She glared at him in a way that told him the discussion was over.
"Okay."
The moment he had spoken Hermione narrowed her eyes. "What are you planning?"
Ron shrugged. "Nothing."
The two of them stared at each other, Hermione suspicious and Ron fighting a smirk.
"You wouldn't dare," Hermione eventually whispered.
Unable to hold back much longer, Ron pounced. With a shriek, Hermione tried to jump out of the way, but Ron was too fast and she was soon engulfed in his arms while he made exaggerated kissing noises.
"Ron!" Hermione cried. "Get off me!"
"Not until you kiss me."
Hermione somehow managed to turn around so she had her back to Ron and had her arms over her face to protect herself. Ron tried to arch over her like he normally could but Harry was much too short. Knowing it was a dirty trick and not caring either way, Ron started tickling her, causing her to bend forward and screech with laughter.
"This isn't funny!" came Hermione's voice from somewhere within the tangle of limbs and hair.
"Stop laughing then."
Ron tried his best to continue making kissing noises through his laughter, while he could feel Hermione's resistance grow weaker as she too succumbed to giggling. What with work and Rose, it had been a few weeks since they had really had a play fight and Ron missed them. Watching Hermione let go and laugh hysterically was always worth any minor injuries he picked up along the way.
Just as Ron was recalling the time he had managed to fall off the bed, dislocate his shoulder and had to stop Hermione crying and apologising before she could fix it for him, a small fist came from nowhere and hit him in the face. His glasses fell off as Ron let go of Hermione and rubbed his cheek. He heard Hermione gasp and could just make out her hands covering her mouth in the blur his vision had become.
"Oh, Ron, I am so sorry-"
"S'alright."
"I didn't mean it. Normally that's where your shoulder is so-"
"I'm fine."
"I should have thought."
"I'm fine."
"Why are you squinting like that? Have I given you a concussion? I've given you a concussion."
At the thought of Hermione's wayward punch giving him something as serious as concussion, Ron laughed.
"He's delirious. Oh no," panicked Hermione. "Ron? Ron, can you-?"
"Hermione!" interrupted Ron. "You barely touched me. Can you pick my glasses up?"
"Oh thank goodness," gasped Hermione. She gave him a swift hug around the neck and bent to pick the dropped glasses up. As Ron rubbed his neck, he realised that she had just given him the type of hug she usually gave Harry and bristled. He wasn't used to friend-hugs. He didn't like friend-hugs. Friends-hugs kind of hurt, he thought, rubbing his neck.
Soon a Hermione-shaped blur was back in his eye line and carefully put the glasses on for him. When he could see Hermione smiling at him properly, Ron grinned back. "How does Harry deal with being blind? It'd do my nut in."
"He isn't blind. He's-"
Ron never learnt what was wrong with Harry's eyes as he had started tickling Hermione again.
"S-s-s-sto-op!" she shrieked. "I'll hu-u-u-rt you!"
"Like to see you try!"
Hermione flashed him an insulted scowl and started pinching him.
Without his height advantage and the possibility of going all but blind, Ron found it much more difficult to gain any kind of upper hand. He tried capturing both of Hermione's wrists in one of his hands but even they were too small. Part of Ron quite liked the idea of Harry being perfectly suited to having his arse handed to him by a girl, but most of him was being pinched so Ron went for the big guns.
It wasn't hard to break through Hermione's defences to grab her either side waist and pick her up. Her legs wrapped around him on instinct and Ron took a few steps forward to hold her against the opposite wall.
Panting from exertion and grinning, Ron looked at Hermione. For a split second she looked scandalised but then her face broke into a huge smile and she was laughing.
"We're like children," she chuckled, dropping her head onto his shoulder.
"Worse, I'd say."
Hermione lifted her head to look down at him and Ron was struck by how good she looked, face alight with mischief, eyes lit up with happiness and all his…
"Don't look at me like that!" Hermione scolded him suddenly.
"Like what?" exclaimed Ron, affronted.
"You know how," she shot back. "All cocky and randy. I do not want the image of Harry looking at me like that in my head."
"I can't help what my face is doing," Ron whined.
"You can." Hermione studied him as Ron huffed. "It's so weird seeing your expressions on his face," she mused, stroking his cheek.
"It was weirder seeing yours on it." Ron smiled at the memory from all of those years ago. He could distinctly remember seeing Harry's face pinch in irritation when Hermione overheard Tonks swear and smiling affectionately at her. It took him a few minutes to realise he was gazing longingly at Harry and looked away quickly before anyone else saw.
At the time it had been confusing as hell. The idea that he still fancied Hermione when she was Harry had disturbed him more than anything, but now he was older he had learnt that it was probably being able to recognise her quirks that made him so happy. Well, he hoped it was that and had nothing to do with him fancying Harry anyway.
Now they had been married for years Ron was certain he knew all of her habits and ticks, much like she was willing to believe that it was him even though he was Polyjuced. When he thought about it, he was sure he could pick up some of Rosie's traits too. The idea filled him with so much joy that his life was as about as perfect as he could ever hope it to be – the Cannons' form excluded – that Ron forgot the situation they were still in and went to kiss Hermione again.
"Ron!" Hermione pushed against his shoulders to keep him away.
"Sorry," he said, still grinning, "I keep forgetting."
Hermione shook her head in exasperation. "Are you going to put me down?"
"Nope," Ron replied simply. "Not letting you down 'til I get my kiss."
"You are not getting your kiss until you are yourself again."
"Well, get comfortable," teased Ron.
"I am."
Ron wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Sure you don't want a piece of the Boy Who Lived?"
"No," replied Hermione primly. She managed to keep a straight face but Ron saw the corners of her mouth twitch. "I always thought his best friend was the looker," she added.
Sighing heavily, Ron shook his head. "It's true," he admitted. "Can't go anywhere with that bloke. Birds are all over him."
"Really?" repeated Hermione as she arched an eyebrow.
"Really." Ron nodded. "Never looks at any of them though because he's got this fucktastic wife at home," he added with what he thought was a smile but definitely came out as a leer.
"Eugh, stop saying things like that," Hermione grumbled. "It's disturbing."
"She is bloody gorgeous though," insisted Ron.
Hermione groaned and buried her face in Ron's neck. "I can't look at you anymore," came her muffled voice. "Tell me when you're back to normal."
Chuckling, Ron planted a kiss on her temple and gave her a small squeeze. He had to admit, Harry may be tiny but he wasn't weak. His arms weren't even close to being tired.
"By the way, if you get an erection, I will hex it off."
At this Ron let out a belly laugh; although the idea was kind of disconcerting for him as well.
"You wouldn't be able to tell the difference if you did though," he told her seriously, earning him another smack in the shoulder.
"Oh, that is vile," moaned Hermione. She buried her face further into Ron's neck.
"I'm going to tell Harry you said his dick was vile," Ron teased, poking her in the side.
"And how, may I ask," Hermione said starchily, "are you going to explain the circumstances surrounding my comment?"
"Well, as we do every Sunday evening, we were discussing the many benefits of my own impressive-"
"Unca Habby?"
Ron jumped slightly and turned to find the source of the interruption. Stood in the doorway was a tiny figure in a baby blue nightdress, covered in freckles and staring at the couple with some confusion. Ron smiled at the sight of his daughter, but it soon turned to a wince when he felt Hermione's nails dig into his shoulder. He turned to her and saw her wide-eyed expression, causing him to realise what was happening.
Not only were they in a slightly compromising position, but as far as Rose knew her mummy was in a slightly compromising position with her Uncle Harry.
Horrified, Ron unceremoniously dropped Hermione, causing her to stagger slightly, before he darted to the doorway and dropped to his knees.
"No, Rosie Posie," said Ron, placing his hands on her shoulders, "it's Daddy."
Rose stared at him for a moment, frowning. She might have got stuck with his hair, complexion and eyes, but her mannerisms were all Hermione. It was the only way you could tell she was even related to her sometimes. "No." Rose shook her head. "Unca Habby," she repeated, this time poking the famous scar on Ron's forehead.
Ron turned to Hermione for support. He had no idea what he was meant to say. Thankfully she heard his silent plea and was at his side in a flash. She ran her fingers through Rose's wavy hair to get her to stop poking Ron.
"No, darling," she cooed, "it's Daddy being silly."
Frowning even more than before, Rose looked from Ron to Hermione before violently shaking her head. "No!" she shouted, stamping her foot for good measure. "Unca Habby! Unca Habby!"
"No, no, no!" Ron insisted. Before he could think of how he was meant to explain this to a toddler, Rose started to become strangely distorted. He glanced at his hands and saw his fingers lengthening and freckles appearing from nowhere as his skin paled. "See?" he said, ripping the redundant glasses off. "Daddy!"
Ron's smile froze as he waited with baited breath for Rose to react. Eventually her face lit up and she dived at him, hugging him tightly around the neck.
"DADDY!"
"There we go!" choked Ron, standing up and bringing Rose with him. "What are you doing out of bed, missy?" he chastised, poking her nose.
"No sleep," Rose grumbled before yawning louder than you would expect from someone her size.
Hermione laughed lightly. "Someone looks sleepy to me."
"No," Rose maintained as she broke into another yawn.
"I'll take her," Hermione said to Ron, rubbing his arm. "You get out of your uniform."
Ron looked down and saw his uniform was now several inches too short for him. It was like being fifteen again.
"Nah, I wanna do it. I want to hear about my little girl's day," he said, turning back to Rose, who smiled sleepily at him. "Say n'night to Mummy."
Ron turned a little so Rose was facing Hermione. Seemingly too tired for words now, Rose waved her pudgy arm, nearly hitting Ron's nose and making Hermione chuckle.
"Goodnight, sweetheart," she whispered before kissing her.
Ron turned again so he was facing Hermione, Rose cradled between them. "And a kiss for Daddy?" he asked cheekily.
Tearing her attention away from Rose, Hermione rolled her eyes in what Ron thought was a very over the top way, before leaning in to finally give Ron the kiss he had been waiting for since he had got in.
Unfortunately Rose had other ideas and hit Hermione's shoulder. "No kiss Unca Habby," she chided, glaring at her mother.
Ron couldn't help but laugh at the incredulous look on Hermione's face.
"Oh, this is going to take forever to explain to her," she fretted.
"She sees Teddy do stuff like that." Ron shrugged. "Not my fault you still find me irresistible even when I'm hideous," he smirked.
Hermione gave him an unimpressed look. "I'm going to make start on dinner."
"No. You still owe me a kiss," Ron reminded her as walked down the hallway, "and these kinds of things accrue interest."
"How much interest can it possible accrue in two minutes?" Hermione asked exasperatedly.
"You'll find out once I've put Rosie down. I will warn you though," Ron said, opening the door to Rose's room, "I am terrible with figures."
He gave Hermione one final grin and saw her roll her eyes again. Chuckling to himself, Ron walked into the room, happily noting that Rose was already asleep again, and wondered just how much rounding up he could get away with.